WelcomeOnStartup

/* Install instruction (DONT COPY THIS) */

1. OPEN NOTEPAD.EXE
2. PAST THE SCRIPT
3. SAVE AS welcome.vbs
4. PRESS WINDOWS KEY + R
5. TYPE IN: Shell:startup
6. PUT welcome.vbs IN YOUR STARTUP FOLDER
7. RESTART YOUR COMPUTER

/* START COPYING FROM UNDER PHRASE */

Set Sapi = Wscript.CreateObject("SAPI.SpVoice")
 dim str
 if hour(time) < 12 then
 Sapi.speak "Good Morning Reddit User"
 else
 if hour(time) > 12 then
 if hour(time) > 16 then
 Sapi.speak "Good evening Reddit User"
 else
 Sapi.speak "Good afternoon Reddit User"
 end if
 end if
 end if
 Sapi.speak "The current time is"
if hour(time) > 12 then
 Sapi.speak hour(time)-12
 else
 if hour(time) = 0 then
 Sapi.speak "12"
 else
 Sapi.speak hour(time)
 end if
 end if
if minute(time) < 10 then
 Sapi.speak "o"
 if minute(time) < 1 then
 Sapi.speak "clock"
 else
 Sapi.speak minute(time)
 end if
 else
 Sapi.speak minute(time)
 end if
if hour(time) > 12 then
 Sapi.speak "P.M."
 else
 if hour(time) = 0 then
 if minute(time) = 0 then
 Sapi.speak "Midnight"
 else
 Sapi.speak "A.M."
 end if
 else
 if hour(time) = 12 then
 if minute(time) = 0 then
 Sapi.speak "Noon"
 else
 Sapi.speak "P.M."
 end if
 else
 Sapi.speak "A.M."
 end if
 end if
 end if
Sapi.speak "I am delighted to be at your service."
dim r
randomize
r = int(rnd*27) + 1
select case r
    case 1
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that When an apple is cut (or bruised), oxygen is introduced into the injured plant tissue. When oxygen is present in cells, polyphenol oxidase (PPO) enzymes in the chloroplasts rapidly oxidize phenolic compounds naturally present in the apple tissues to o-quinones, colorless precursors to brown-colored secondary products."
    case 2
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that In 1941 during the run-up to the American involvement in World War II, Salvador Dali, who would become the world's most famous Surrealist, held a fundraising party for displaced European artists in California's Hotel del Monte."
    case 3
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that Bones, stop growing after puberty and muscle and fat cells also stop dividing. But cartilage - that's the plastic-like stuff in ears and noses - cartilage continues to grow until the day you die. Not only does cartilage grow, but the earlobes elongate from gravity. And that makes ears look even larger."
    case 4
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that Ocellaris clownfish. Amphiprion ocellaris, also known as the ocellaris clownfish, false percula clownfish or common clownfish, is a marine fish belonging to the family Pomacentridae which includes clownfishes and damselfishes. Amphiprion ocellaris are found in different colors, depending on where they are located."
    case 5
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that Even the Oxford English Dictionary throws its hands up and admits “of the actual origin we have no evidence.” But, the OED continues, “the forms dada and tata, meaning 'father,' originating in infantile or childish speech, occur independently in many languages.” In other words, “dad” might come from baby ..."
    case 6
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that In 1559 Tristan de Luna established a short-lived settlement at Pensacola Bay; it is considered one of the first European-established settlements in what is now the continental United States but was abandoned."
    case 7
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that Regardless of your view, here's the order of the eight larger planets, starting nearest the sun and working outward through the solar system: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune."
    case 8
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that Some angler fish can be quite large, reaching 3.3 feet (1 meter) in length. Most however are significantly smaller, often less than a foot. Their most distinctive feature, worn only by females, is a piece of dorsal spine that protrudes above their mouths like a fishing pole—hence their name."
    case 9
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that Gills are feathery organs full of blood vessels. A fish breathes by taking water into its mouth and forcing it out through the gill passages. As water passes over the thin walls of the gills, dissolved oxygen moves into the blood and travels to the fish's cells."
    case 10
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that Polar bears roam within the Arctic Circle—including the North Pole. Penguins are found only in the Southern Hemisphere, mostly near Earth's South Pole, in Antarctica."
    case 11
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that Most humans (say 70 percent to 95 percent) are right-handed, a minority (say 5 percent to 30 percent) are left-handed, and an indeterminate number of people are probably best described as ambidextrous."
    case 12
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that Interestingly, there is also a lot of oxygen on Venus and Mars, which is perhaps not surprising, since they are the closest planets to Earth and probably formed in similar conditions. In their cases, however, most of the oxygen is there in the form of carbon dioxide."
    case 13
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that Ipso facto is a Latin phrase, directly translated as by the fact itself, which means that a certain phenomenon is a direct consequence, a resultant effect, of the action in question, instead of being brought about by a previous action. It is a term of art used in philosophy, law, and science."
    case 14
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that While both light and sound travel as waves, the speed of light is much, much faster. Light is composed of electromagnetic waves which travel independent of a medium. That is to say, light can travel in a vacuum, such as outer space. Electromagnetic waves travel very fast."
    case 15
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that Pholcids, or daddy long-legs spiders, are venomous predators, and although they never naturally bite people, their fangs are similar in structure to those of brown recluse spiders, and therefore can theoretically penetrate skin."
    case 16
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that It all started in 1958 in Wichita USA, when brothers Dan and Frank Carney opened the world's first Pizza Hut restaurant by borrowing $600 from their mum. It was the start of the biggest pizza name in the world, and in 1973, that fantastic pizza came to the UK."
    case 17
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that in 1863: The first one-dollar bill was issued as a Legal Tender Note (United States Note) with a portrait of Salmon P. Chase, the Secretary of the Treasury under President Abraham Lincoln."
    case 18
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that But there is no disagreement that scales found during the Silurian Period, aged 420 million years, are from sharks. Shark scales from this period have been found in Siberia and Mongolia. The oldest shark teeth are from the Devonian Period, about 400 million years old, found in Europe."
    case 19
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that Normally, there are 18 pairs of ribs in the horse, but a nineteenth rib on one side or both is not considered all that rare. Eight pairs of ribs are known as true ribs. They join the segments of the sternum or breastbone. The other 10 are known as floating ribs--merely overlapping and being attached to each other."
    case 20
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that On November 19, 1863, President Abraham Lincoln delivered a short speech at the end of the ceremonies dedicating the battlefield cemetery at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. That speech has come to be known as the Gettysburg Address."
    case 21
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that On land, the league was most commonly defined as three miles, though the length of a mile could vary from place to place and depending on the era. At sea, a league was three nautical miles (about 5.6 km)."
    case 22
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that While most turtles have webbed feet, some, such as the pig-nosed turtle, have true flippers, with the digits being fused into paddles and the claws being relatively small. These species swim in the same way as sea turtles do (see below). Sea turtles are almost entirely aquatic and have flippers instead of feet."
    case 23
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that In the area west of Marquette, Michigan. Water Volume: 3,000,000,000,000,000 gallons of 440 trillion cubic feet or 10% of the world's fresh water. Enough to flood North and South America to one foot deep. See story about Lake Superior ice coverage March 2009."
    case 24
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that December 31, 1751 was followed by January 1, 1752 (the switch from March 25 to January 1 as the first day of the year) September 2, 1752 was followed by September 14, 1752 (drop of 11 days to conform to the Gregorian calendar)"
    case 25
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that You are more likely to get a sunburn between 10 in the morning and 4 in the afternoon, when the sun's rays are the strongest. You might think the chance of getting a sunburn on cloudy days is less, but the sun's damaging UV light can pass through clouds."
    case 26
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that The Lincoln cent or Lincoln penny is a cent coin (or penny) (1/100 of a dollar) that has been struck by the United States Mint since 1909. The obverse or heads side was designed by Victor David Brenner, as was the original reverse."
    case 27
        Sapi.speak "Did you know that King has published fifty novels, including seven under the pen name Richard Bachman, and five non-fiction books. He has written nearly two hundred short stories, most of which have been collected in nine collections of short fiction. Many of his stories are set in his home state of Maine."

end select

Sapi.speak "I will be silent for now, enjoy your stay."