Trying for Alyssa

 Ight so basically my parents stopped treating me like a baby wayyyyyyy too soon. The effects of this have grown to the point where I'm affected on a daily basis by it. I can't connect with people on an emotional level basically at all and I get to live my life knowing I will only be completely open to two or three people. The people closest to me know basically nothing about what happens inside my heart or mind. I have trouble with emotions, I don't get very happy or sad, I just kind of exist. I do however lash out at people much more than normal people. I get that you can't connect with people, it's hard but we can't just shut out people being afraid they're going to hurt us. I try my best to be open with Paityn, but I don't think I will ever be able to tell her everything I've been through and what eats away at me at night when I can't sleep. All I see is death in everything, I'm not afraid of it, but it's all that exists in my life, and you can't let yourself end up in a place like me. I know everything about my friends, but they don't even know my fears or my worries or cares. They know what makes me laugh, how much I care for Paityn, and how intelligent (or so they say) I am, but they don't know what I really am. It's painful, and it only stems from being alone. Max has a good head on his shoulder, and from what I've been told and the way he acts, he has your best interest at heart. I get that guys have hurt you, but not all of us seek that in other people. Trust me, I've held a kid up by the neck and seen him struggle to breathe, but I would never hurt a girl in anyway, and I know max is the same. All you have to do is open your heart up little by little and it will be fine or I'll find max and see how long he lasts being held up by the throat (: