another open mic set

Let’s just get things started off with a quick game of celebrity “marry, fuck, kill”. The father, the son, and the holy spirit. If you chose to fuck Jesus, I don’t blame you; I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating two fish and a loaf of bread. If you said you’d kill Jesus, then you have just revealed yourself as Roman or Jewish, or possibly Rupert Murdoch. Yeah I know that Rupert Murdoch is a fundamentalist Christian, but I attribute the murder of Jesus as something he would totally do. More as a power grab than as something out of hatred. So that he could become Jesus. Is that how it works? Is Jesus like the highlander, or perhaps a more updated reference. I haven't even seen that movie; I was born in the 90s. How could would it be if you could assume someone's abilities and stature by killing them? I would probably be some sort of half pizza half human hybrid since the main thing I kill is pizza.

I apologize if I accidentally lisp a few times during my set, I used to have a pretty bad lisp when I was younger; it’s not as bad now, but sometimes it’ll still rear its ugly head. My dad used to get so angry with me for lisping; I don’t know why. Especially since speech impediments definitely ran in my family. I strongly remember barely ever being able to understand a thing my dad said…over the sound of him beating me with a belt for lisping. “Sthop it dad.” Noooooo I’m just kidding around; my dad never beat me, what do I look like, my little brother? Poor guy.

Sometimes I develop these weird embarrassing habits that I can’t really explain. For example, lately, I’ve been really into America’s Next Top Model. I don’t mean the reality show; I mean I’ve been stalking this promising amateur model lately. I think he’s going to be the next big thing in male modeling and I just want to learn his secrets. He won’t tweet me back though.

I feel stressed out, guys. I work way too much; I have basically zero free time. I did the math and I only get about an hour of free time every day after working 10 hours, sleeping 6 hours, and playing video games for 8 hours. It’s awful; I just want some “me time.”

I saw an advertisement for this website “black people meat.com” and I was totally disgusted, but then I realized that they mean "meet" as in "Become acquainted with" which isn't what I was picturing.