Anonpencil Writes Drunk: Morning Glory (oneshit)

>You wake up slowly, in that beautiful way that happens when your body decides to be conscious before any alarm or sunlight orders it to. You feel well rested, relaxed in ways you never thought you would again, given where you live now. As your eyes slide open, you find yourself smiling, at peace, breathing in and out a steady sigh of a man who is glad to greet another day.
"Good morning," you say to yourself, since no one will do it for you.
"Good morning," a quiet, hissing, feminine voice says back.
>OKAY good feelings gone!
>You frantically leap upright, taking a moment to shove a hasty pillow in front of your morning wood, and scan the room to try to find the source of the sound. You have little doubt who it could be. Sure enough, after only a moment, Twilight's horn begins to glow, illuminating her where she sits in the corner of your room. She's reclining in one of your chairs, tipping it back onto it's two back legs the way you used to do in class that got your teachers yelling at you so much. You remember one of them came over and whacked you on the back of the head for it, and you'd fallen down and got a very good look up her skirt. Would have been hot, except she was like sixty. Even then, your teenage brain liked to bring it up at the most inopportune times, like at Thanksgiving dinner, or when you're trying to masturbate. The distressed pounding of panic in your blood and chest begins to subside a little.
"Jesus fucking christ, Twilight. What are you doing in my room?"
>She gives a huffing little laugh, and lets the chair fall down heavily to all four legs with a clattering thud.
"Technically it's my room. This whole castle is mine. Everything in it is mine."
>For some reason, you feel a little cheeky today. You give her a cocky smile.
"Why Twilight, are you saying you want me to be yours too?"
>She fixes you with a poignant, disapproving glare.
"You know better," she says in a scoff. "Besides, I'm pretty sure I've removed enough of your non-vital organs for scientific research at this point that a good ten percent of you really is mine."
>Damn, so that's where your appendix went. You'd thought it finally rejected you and left. Like everyone always does.
"That still doesn't answer what you're doing in my room," you say, trying to fight back the relieved tears of realizing you weren't dumped by your own organs.
"Well," Twilight says, in an odd sing-song kind of way. "I just wanted to come and give you a piece of advice."
"Advise away, and then please get out."
>She gives you a tight little smile.
"If you get up past noon one more time, I'm going to have to start waking you up myself. And it won't be pretty."
>You blink. It's past noon? Hell, you knew you felt well rested, and it's true that you've been getting up later and later, because what job? What friends? What reason to get out of bed and even be alive in the first place? But you didn't realize it had gotten so late.
"Why do you ever care?" you grumble. "What's wrong with waking up after noon?"
"I hear you snoring and talking in your sleep when I'm trying to work downstairs."
"It's not my fault your 'crystal' cardboard has walls that seem like they're made of cardboard. Do you know I can hear it every time Spike masturbates? He cries afterwards, thought you should probably be aware of that."
"I don't care. About any of that," she snaps. "Just get up before noon, or you'll regret it."
>And with that, she turns from the room and trots out. She shoots you one final, warning glance as she exits, then slams your bedroom door behind her. You roll your eyes at this new annoyance. So what, you're not even allowed to sleep late now? Absolutely bullshit, you'll sleep as long as you want. Waking up to your own circadian rhythm rules. Besides, what's the worst she can do?

~*~

>As you drift in and our of consciousness, you enjoy the feeling of sleep pulling you back towards the void of dreams, and the waking world gently alerting you to the sunlight coming through your window. Your muscles are at rest, your mind is relaxed, your body feels light and cozy around your psyche. All is as it should be. All is right with the-
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
>You sit bolt upright at the sound of a baby wailing right next to your ear. Your eyes can't adjust fast enough, your body can't respond fast enough. You just know there's the sound of a screaming, crying baby right by your head, for no good reason.
"WHAT THE SHIT!" you scream, as you try to make your eyes focus and pinpoint the source of the demonic noise.
>You barely have time to take in the sight of Flurry Heart being hovered next to your face, mouth open, screaming. You barely have time to notice Twilight standing not far behind her, levitating the little creature just inches from your cheek. You have just enough time to remember Twilight's warning, that you'd regret waking up after noon, that you'd regret blowing her off. You take all of that in in a split second, just barely in time. Then the kid's eyes bulge, and she vomits off-green baby puke onto the side of your face.
>You let out a cry of anguish as you try to scramble back away off the bed from the dribbling-mouthed child, swiping in horror at your vomit-soaked cheek. Your PJs are probably permanently stained, your room reeks of strained peas. At least your morning wood is gone, so you now you don't have emetophilia. All you can do is make distressed, guttural noises, as you look from the whimpering child to the now broadly smiling Twilight.
"Now," she says softly. "If you get up after noon, at any point, I'm going to do this again. You will wake up to a baby screaming into your ear, vomiting on you, maybe even urinating or defecating on you. And it will not stop, I will make no excuses. Is that perfectly clear?"
>You stammer at her. Never mind how she got the baby here, never mind why she chose a baby of all things as your new alarm clock. Never mind how she knew the kid was going to puke, she probably fed it ipecac or something. There's only one real question in your mind, only one thing you can ask.
"W-why?" you stammer out.
>Twilight smiles simply, then turns to take Flurry heart back out of your room.
"Oh come now, Anon, when has anyone ever needed a reason for making you miserable?" she croons as she passes you. "You and I both know you don't deserve any happiness. I'm just trying to keep the natural order of things. You understand."
>You watch as she pauses at the door to throw you a final, cheery smile.
"See you in the morning," she sings out, then closes the door behind her and leaves you all alone.
>Like you always are.

-END-