Thread 87: Stories 31-45

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>Cadence
"Dash"
~~~~~

>....

"...what?"

>...

"Did you need something? I don't know what we're doing here."

>...

"I'm not really into staring contests, you'll have to go get Pinkie for that one."

>...

"...Erm..."

>...

"...I-I, uh..."

>...

"...Is this about me gluing your hairdryer to the nightstand and blaming it on Chrysalis? Because admit it, that was funny."

>...

"...Is this about me setting your garbage can on fire? Total accident, I swear."

>...

"...This about the time I set off the bomb in your armory?"

>...

"The time I raided your fridge?"

>...

"The time I rolled marbles down your hallway to trip up Chrysalis, but accidentally caught 42 by mistake?"

>...

"The time I..."

>...

"...Huh... I'm a dick sometimes..."

>...

"...I'm... I'm going to go think about some things."

*Leaves*

>...phew! Thank goodness, asking if she swung that way would've been SO AWKWARD!


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>Chrysalis
"???"
~~~

>...And where have they gone?

The Queen's lips curled ever so slightly as hunting eyes searched the room, looking over every face with a hawk-like glare.

>...You're not here, are you? Well, that won't do, I'll have to... correct this little mishap.

Her fangs glinted in the light as she smiled her crooked, harsh smile, a smile that twisted with every centimeter it snaked up her cheeks.

>Oh, what fun I will ha-

Squirtsquirt

>GAH!... Did you just spray me with what I PRAY is water!? What the fuck is wrong with you!?

"Ah' thought ya'll were in a trance."

>NO! And even if I was, you don't use a fucking squirt bottle!

"Ya' sure? Ya' went glassy eyed and were starin' of at nothin'."

>I WASN'T IN A FUCKING TRANCE!

"Oh... ya' looked pretty evil right there."

>HOW!?

"Ya'll were talkin' bout 'correctin' mistakes' and 'having fun'."

>How is either of those things evil!?

"...Well, they ain't iffin' ya' just put 'em like they are, but-"

>That's all I was doing!

"No ya' weren't."

>Yes I was! It's you who freaked out at me doing nothing!

"...No, ya'll were lookin' pretty evil."

>Was not!

Squirt

>STOP THAT!

"No."

>...

SWIPE!

"Hey! Give that-

Squirt!

"GLKK!... Hlk... no shootin' down throats! That's dang-GLK! QUIT IT"

>No.

"Why you little! GRANNY!"

Toss!

Squirt squirt!

>Why you little!

Squirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirtsquirt-

Squeak!

>...

"...Outta water?"

Thuk!

"Real mature."

>Plplplplp!

"Point proven."

>...This was water, right?

"Lord Ah' hope so..."

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>Luna
"???"
'???'
~~~~~

>...What is thiiiissss...

There was a cake in front of her.

A giant, unassuming, cake.

The FIENDS

>Does thou think we are so foolish? Does thou think we are an idiot!? Ha! Ha and we say to thee Ha again! To think thou would ever believe we would ever be so thick as to sup on this... admittedly delicious looking... cake in on this path! Ha we say to thee! HPRMH!

Petulantly, she spun on her heels, nose pointed in the air as she marched off on her way.

>We shall not be-

SPLAT!

>...

It took a long, long time before she pushed the trap she had stepped on back down, and let the pie tin fall away.

>...Touche, but we shall not-

SPLAT!

>...

SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

Every step away from the pie a splat.

>...You fool. WE CAN FLY!

Proudly, she took to the skies-

SPLATSPLATSPLATSPLAT

And then was immediately besieged the moment her wings touched the strings suspending from the trees.

>...FINE! Fine, we shall play thine game! We shall-

SPLAT!

>...Sister. We did not expect thee to pop out of a cake with thine old guard.

"Whoops."

'CELLY!'

"I'm sorry! I just wanted to nibble a bit I didn't think it was going to collapse!"

'Ruined the whole thing.'

"I'm sorry..."

>SISTER!

"Luna! You said you were coming to the party!"

>We are!

"Sweet Apple Acres is that way!"

>...Sweet who say what now? Are we not doing this in the Empire?

"No! That was this morning!"

>What time is it?

"AFTER NOON!"

>Oh... well, we would have figured this out tonight.

"Tonight!?"

>Around there.

"Go spend time at the party!"

>Do not tell us what to do.

"Shiny! Tell her what to do!"

'Go spend time at the party.'

>Do not sick thine soldier on us!

"Don't tell me what to do!"

>Soldier! Tell her what to do!

'Celly, keep being you, you're awesome.'

>TRAITOR TO THE CROWN!

"Plplplplp!"

>EXECUTION AT DAWN!

'Don't you mean night?'

"Around that time with her."

>UGGH!... Fine! We shall join thine little get together, but know this! We shall not-

"GO!"

>PLPLPLPLPLP!

With that, she took off again.

Trying her best to look good while being besieged by leftover pie traps.

"...Huh."

'What?'

"You're covered in frosting."

'So I am.'

"...Hee hee."

'What?'

"Inside joke, wouldn't get it."

'Take your word for it.'

"...This was a very expensive prank."

'Yeah, lot of work when we could've just asked her.'

"...Is Pinkie secretly a bad influence?"

'Yes, but I weirdly still like her.'

"Me too... weird..."

'...You're planning to eat all this, aren't you?'

"I can't let it go to waste, you fool!"

'...Celly-'

"DON'T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE!"

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>Rarity
"Spike"
'Cadence'
~~~~

>Are you ready, Spike?

"I don't think this is a very good idea, Rarity."

>Correct, you think it is a great idea, because I am great.

"Oh bother..."

>Good, now.. a-hem! Cadence! Darling, would you mind...

'...'

>...Erm, I just wanted to speak with you for a...

'...'

>...A-hem, a uh... a second, if you would. I was wondering ifff....

'.....'

>I-if yoooou would like some... p..punch...

'...'

>...SPIKE! ABORT! ABORT ABORT ABORT!

"But I'm already in the scuba gear!"

>Abort I said!

"What the heck am I supposed to do with this rosebush, then!?"

>ABORT I SAID!

"Uuuggggghhh... freaking had to bribe no less than ten birds, Rarity, ten!"

>ABORT!

"I'm aborting, I'm aborting!"

FLEE!

'...Rock Horseton! That was his name! Thaaaaaat was the name of that movie star, that's right! So sorry, Rarity, I was going to lose my mind if I didn't figure out... hey, where's she go!?'

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>Two
"Applebloom"
~~~~~

"Hey, Two?"

>Yep!

"Applejack wanted me ta' ask ya' about the thing yer' doin'."

>Ain't it obvious?

"Well, it kinda is, but she was givin' ya' the benefit of the doubt."

>Nope, exactly what it looks like!

"Uh huh.... Two?"

>Yuh huh?

"Gimme the fuel."

>But it's Hearth's Warmin'! How ya' gonna have a Hearth Warmin' without a Hearth!?

"We ain't settin' mah' fireplace on fire."

>But that's what it's made for! Why ya' gonna call it a FIRE PLACE if it ain't the PLACE ya' put FIRES!

"...Huh..."

>Ehhhh?

"Still no."

>AWWW!

"Where'd ya' even get that?"

>Ah' just grabbed if from over there, next ta' the sleigh.

"...Wait, this ain't the one that belongs ta-'"

*INCOHERENT ROAR!*

>YER' GAS NOW!

"TWO, YA' TRAITOR!"

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>32
"2"
'Card'

>Aha, there you are little one.

"Hiya 32, how ya doing?"

>I'm delivering Hearthswarming Cards, I believe I have yours here...pleasedon'tbemeanpleasedon'tbemean-

"What's that?"

>Oh nothing, here you go.

"Hmm..."

'A Hearthswarming Without You Is Like A Campfire Without Marchmalleys'

"Awww, it's so true! Thanks, 32!"

>Phew-I mean, you're welcome...also I snuck some candy money in there, spend it wisely.

"Thanks a bunch!"

>...Thank you, blessed hivemind, for not having me give her an insulting card.

'Even I'm not that mean.'

>WAIT WHAT!?

'...'

>I'm going crazy agaaaaaaiiiiin!

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>Luna
"Applejack"
~~~~

>...So... thou hath a student now?

"Sorta."

>Ahhh... we too have a student!

"Really?"

>Yes, one with the rare ability to see the spirits that have passed!

"Huh. Pretty cool."

>Yes, with out... 'gentle' guidance, in time we shall hone them, forge them, batter and bruise them until they are one of the greatest death seers of all-

"Wait, seein' ghosts?... Are ya'll talkin' bout Twenty Nine?"

>...

"..."

>...Yes.

"PFFTAHAHAHAHAH!"

>WE ARE WORKING ON IT!

"HAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

>...we know...


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>32
"JJ"
~~~~

>Hello, Juggling one! How are you this Hearth's Warming?

"Actatrius's dad is really, really, really rough, I feel like my spine is broken in several places."

>....

"..."

>...uh... huh...

"..."

>...I got you a card!

"Oh? Huh, that's nice of you, we barely know each other.'

>Oh, I got them from a... surprisingly ill advised seller, one for the whole hive!

"Oh... okay."

>...oh dear Hivemind I don't even want to know what-

"Happy Hearth Warming, the way you handle al those balls brings me real holiday cheer!"

>...Er-

"Hey, thanks! I DO handle them pretty well, don't I?"

>...

"I've even been working on a trick to handle more balls than before, even, it's great! Awww, thanks buddy!"

>...

"...What, no hoofshake?"

>Oh, um... I stepped in something. Don't want to get it on you.

"Oh. Well, thanks for being considerate. Have a happy hearth warming!"

>Y-you too................do not laugh, do not laugh, do not laugh do not- just take the win damn it!


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>DT
"SS"
~~~~

"Do you seriously have to swim in your gifts?"

>Yes. This is something I have to do. My daddy is so rich I can actually afford to swim in this, and BY FAUST I'm gonna swim.

"I'm noticing a lot of machines in there, doesn't that hurt?"

>WORTH IT!"

"Seriously, DT? You're going to puncture something."

>SO WORTH IT!

"You're going to get hurt."

>Don't care!

"There's a bomb over there."

>There's a-ACK!... NOT FUNNY!

"Sorry, you know I'm a party pooper sometimes, always stopping you when you're about to have a blast."

>...

"..."

>...

CHUCK!

>Bad Silver Spoon, stop hanging around Pinkie.

"As you said, totally worth it."

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>Rarity
"Spike"
'???'
[???]
~~~~~~

>Well, this hasn't worked at all!

"The musical number was a nice touch, I admit, but I think you might be forcing this."

>As if I hadn't spent enough money already! The fireworks didn't work at all!

"Twilight was really oddly eying Shiny, so... that was something. I don't know what that something was, and it makes me want to go call their parents and take a shower for some reason, but it was something."

>Nothing has gone right at all! Not even the singing cows!

"Total misuse of Applejack's medicine drawer, I want you to know."

>UGGHHH... wait.

"Wait?"

>Wait... wait, look!

"Look at... oh, hey."

'...'
[...]
'...'
[...]
'...'
[...]
'...'
[...]
'...'
[...]
'...'
[...]
'....PERFECT! No freakout!'

[Thank you, Cadence. And of course I didn't, one of the sternest training of a soldier is to keep a cool face under harsh pressure. Why, if any had reacted when the previous Queen looked to them, she would have cut off their heads for the impudence... I think. I don't remember that so well.]

'Now... hrmmmm...'
[...]
'....'
[...]
'...'
[...]

"Is she serious right now?"
>SHUSH!

'...YES! This would work! Oh my gosh, how didn't I see it sooner!?'

[What? What would-]

'EEEEE! It's perfect! Professionalism, lack of experience, liked, won't tell, now worries if it messes up, this fits all the criteria and then some!'

[Wha… what-]

'SHIIINNYYYY! I NEED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING REAL QUUUIiIiiccckkkk...'

>...This is a win for me, you hear me? This was MY victory. I did this.
"You know what? If it means I can get out of this pink outfit, you can have it. You have that victory and you dance on it."
>MY VICTORY!

[...I am SO CONFUSED.]


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>AJ
"Granny"
~~~~
>...Are our cows on drugs again?

"Looks like it."

>Dang it, Betsy! Ya' just got back on the wagon two weeks ago!

"Really gotta send her ta' rehap, Applebloom tastes colors when she drinks that milk."

>Ya' still make her drink it!?

"Gal, ain't no milk goin' ta' waste in mah' house, no ma'am!"

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"DT"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but lessons were learned! Now for our main guest...DIAMOND TIARA!!!

"Hi."

>Are you and your dad going to have fun during Hearth's Warming?!

"My dad's not...coming home. He's going to be busy."

>Aw...well, at least you're getting presents right?

"Oh a bunch! I can practically swim in it. In fact when I wake up, I will! ...just by myself."

>I have a great idea!
DT wakes up.

"Silver Spoon? What are you doing here?"

'Eh, I had a dream and felt like dropping by. Happy Hearth's Warming.'

In the distance.
>Oho ho ho ho

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>Shiny
"Big Mac"
~~~~~

>...

"..."

>...Huh.

"..."

>...I'm not... used to talking to another stallion, I realize. Mostly mares.

"Eyyyup. Same."

>...This is weird.

"Kinda. Not.. sure what we're s'posed ta' talk about."

>But I feel like we SHOULD talk about something, right?

"Is a rare opportunity."

>Yeah, really rare...

"..."

>...

"...Ya' play hoofball?"

>Not a hoofball fan, no. You uh, ever play Hyperspace Hyperwars?

"Nope. Never liked them board thingamajiggers."

>...

"..."

>...Crap.

"Shoot."

>...So, little sisters, eh?

"Oh yeah, little sisters!"

>Really a hoof full!

"But'cha love'em."

>Too true!

"..."

>...Wow, that ran out fast.

"..."

>...

"...Go on back ta' yer' hordes o' mares."

>This isn't going to seem rude?

"Nah, Ah' get it."

>Cool, cool...

".......He better not be lookin' at Applejack too fer' his little club, or Ah'm gonna wring his neck."

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>Spike
"SA"
~~~~

"What in the hell-"

>Do not ask.

"Oh... okay..."

>...

"...But I really want to ask-"

>No.

"M'kay then."

>...

"...If she keeps pushing you around, I'll have to step in."

>Oh, yeah?

"Yeah, will totally go to bat for you."

>...You'll go to bat for me with Rarity.

"Obviously, man! What are brothers for? I'd hammer down on her so hard she wouldn't be able to think straight."

>...Uh huh.

"You think I'd let her push you around? I'd make make sure she had a limp when I was done."

>Uh-

"Would make sure she would NEVER even think of handling you like that again. When I was done? She'd be white, alright. White and shaking like she'd seen the end of time!"

>...

"So... don't be afraid to ask me for help if you need it."

>I'll keep that in mind.

"Good... good... here for you, Spike."

>...So if you need someone to go to bat against Cadence-

"Awww, thanks for the offer bro, but Celestia and Twilight already promised they would handle that for me. You'd have to get in line, ha!"

>...hah...

"Yep... family lookin' out for each other."

>...So if Applejack-

"You're on your own with that one."

>Ah. I expected that.


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>Spitfire
"???"
~~~

>...I know, like, nobody at this fucking party. Which is sad, since this is like the gathering of literally everyone with any power or influence in two separate countries... I am bad at the political ga-

"Psst!"

>GAH!

"Hey! Hey! Come over here, I need to ask you something."

How the hell the voice had found a quiet corner of the house to speak with, Spitfire didn't know, but it had gained her respect. Still, curiosity got the better of her.

>... Okay, now you I don't know.

"...Seriously?"

>Let me rephrase that, I know who you are, I know you turned into a giant monster and punched some of my soldiers, but I don't know YOU.

Sunset Shimmer let out a sigh, but reluctantly shrugged.

"Fair enough."

>What did you need?

"...Listen, about that information you were gathering a bit ago..."

>Gonna have to be more specific, toothpaste head.

"...what toothpaste do you-nevermind, don't care. It's about the... the info you were gathering..."

From her saddle bag, a familiar, crumpled paper emerged.

"...With the stop watch? About the... princess-"

>Completely normal routine to make sure her schedule is going according to proper timing, with no ulterior motives besides basic logging for the purposes of intersecting patrols at a more opportune time in the event she is in some way threatened, harasses or otherwise endangered that allows for quick, sharp responses to any such threats.

A single, daintily cocked eyebrow went up, framing the face that remained unmoved and unconvinced.

"...Been rehearsing that one, have you?"

>It's my job, ma'am.

She sighed again, much more annoyed this time.

"Listen, it's more about... if Cadence really is-"

>No.

"...No? She's not?"

>I don't know what you're asking for, I'm saying no, I'm not getting into this conversation.

"How can you say that? I looked over the numbers, there's no way Cadence could do all of this and still-"

>No.

One word, yet it was harder than if she had chucked a rock into her head.

"You can't just shuffle all this information under the rug-"

>I. Said. NO. I'm not looking into this any further. I don't know what I was thin-... what impression you got from my very classified data analysis, but if there is one thing I can be very clear to you is that right now, especially now, I'm not going to ask any hard questions. I'm not going to even ask the soft ones. This, right here? This was a misconception, a bad idea that got into your head, nothing else.

She couldn't help it as her shoulders slumped down a bit, feeling a bit defeated at the other mare's harsh words.

"...So you're just going to let this go on? Maybe there's a good explanation for all of it."

>Yeah, and maybe there's a bad one. One that would make other ponies mad at her if it ever got out. There's a good chance this is just a misunderstanding... but there's also a good chance this is something that will make them cheer just a little less when she walks down the street.

"Then shouldn't they deserve to know?"

A yellow hoof shot out, poking a much more cold, empty feeling chest.

>Listen here, you. I just got my life back together, I just got a position like I used to have, I just got back friends, and certainty, and a life without a fucking maid uniform or degrading acts just to do the thing I love most in this world. You think this bothers me? It doesn't. I don't care how she's doing it, if she's doing it at all or anything in between... it was just a dumb idea, Sunset. A dumb idea brought on by worrying and confusion, nothing more. And as someone who also owes those two a LOT, and was given a chance when they really needed it the most, let me give you some helpful advice...

The hoof trailed down, until it crumpled the top of that paper.

>... go chuck that thing into the fire, go back out there, and enjoy having your life put back together when, most likely, you're like me and really did not deserve this second chance. These are good ponies, who are doing good things, and you and me are ones who keep fucking up, not them. They clean up after the fuckups we do, and make sure we're forgiven when the time comes.. remember that.

With that, Sunset was forced to watch as her last, potential ally in this matter spun on her heels, and turned her back on her.

>Go enjoy the party already... plenty of Hearth Warming cheer to go around.

"...Yeah..."

She didn't chuck it into the fire, like suggested.

But... she wasn't exactly careful as she stuffed it into her bag either.

There was only one other pony left she could talk to about this.

...and she was really, really not going to enjoy it.

"Plenty of cheer to go around..."

But still, when all else failed...

She supposed her teacher was good for a lesson or two.

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