(06:01:21 PM) Attempting to start a private conversation with draggie1@blah.im...
(06:01:24 PM) Fox: Hey marf.
(06:01:27 PM) Fox: I hope you disabled logging.
(06:01:35 PM) Draggie: Now I have.
(06:01:44 PM) Draggie: I love you mrarawr.
(06:01:49 PM) Fox: I love u 2
(06:01:50 PM) Fox: bb
(06:02:16 PM) Draggie: So you feeling better?
(06:02:21 PM) Draggie: Not so insecure about Jasmine and me?
(06:02:57 PM) Draggie: More secure about you and me?
(06:02:59 PM) ***Draggie licks.
(06:03:15 PM) Fox: Yes.
(06:03:18 PM) Fox: And I like Jasmine.
(06:03:24 PM) Fox: I think we'll do well in a relationship with her.
(06:03:35 PM) Draggie: we
(06:03:37 PM) Fox: But I've gotta say...I don't want you to be upset about me getting closer to her.
(06:03:52 PM) Draggie: ?
(06:04:04 PM) Fox: Well, I feel kind of awkward.
(06:04:10 PM) Fox: Like, you don't want me being around her.
(06:04:13 PM) Fox: Or having sex with her.
(06:04:16 PM) Fox: Because she really wants to fuck me.
(06:04:21 PM) Fox: But I don't want to make you upset.
(06:04:27 PM) Draggie: I don't want you to not be around her.
(06:04:51 PM) Draggie: I don't think I've ever said don't be around her or be friends with her.
(06:05:03 PM) Fox: Marf.
(06:05:07 PM) Fox: Anyway, I think we can make this work.
(06:05:12 PM) Fox: And that it will be good for all of us.
(06:05:22 PM) Fox: As long as we learn to share each other.
(06:05:32 PM) Draggie: Rwrr.
(06:05:39 PM) Draggie: So you're insistent on fucking her?
(06:05:50 PM) Fox: Yes.
(06:05:56 PM) Fox: Does it really bother you that much?
(06:06:15 PM) Fox: Me being able to fuck her is an important part of feeling comfortable around her.
(06:06:23 PM) Fox: Which I will need to be if you two are going to be in a long term relationship.
(06:06:33 PM) Draggie: I don't think you need to fuck someone to feel comfortable around them.
(06:07:04 PM) Fox: Well, I love you marf.
(06:07:19 PM) Draggie: It...
(06:07:33 PM) Draggie: It does bother me.
(06:08:20 PM) Draggie: It brings a not insignificant amount of anxiety to my chest.
(06:08:29 PM) Draggie: But it isn't my choice.
(06:08:37 PM) Fox: Maybe we can talk about why you're anxious.
(06:08:42 PM) Fox: Do you feel like I'm taking her away from you?
(06:08:59 PM) Draggie: Yes.
(06:09:22 PM) Draggie: It's a fear that it'll degrade what I have with her.
(06:09:34 PM) Fox: I felt the same way about you fucking her.
(06:09:47 PM) Fox: I know it's instinct.
(06:09:47 PM) Draggie: But we don't fuck!
(06:09:58 PM) Fox: That's true, but I felt like you would realize you didn't need me.
(06:10:06 PM) Fox: That you had someone else for your emotional needs, and you get to fuck them.
(06:10:14 PM) Fox: I think we just have to trust each other at our words.
(06:10:24 PM) Fox: If she doesn't want to be with you, she'll say something.
(06:10:30 PM) Fox: If you don't want to be with me, you'll say something.
(06:10:48 PM) Fox: Also if anything, I've been cementing the hell out of your relationship.
(06:10:55 PM) Fox: You should have heard our conversation last night.
(06:11:08 PM) Fox: I was alleviating her fears and reminding her of how cool you are.
(06:11:19 PM) Fox: She worries a lot that she'll do something dumb and you won't like her anymore.
(06:11:25 PM) Fox: She's a lot like you.
(06:12:18 PM) Fox: I also kept reminding her that it's okay for you and her to be in a relationship.
(06:12:22 PM) Fox: She's the one who brought it up.
(06:12:34 PM) Fox: Said she felt guilty like she was stealing you away and that the conversation was long overdue.
(06:12:46 PM) Fox: I let her know that I'm totally okay with you guys being in a relationship.
(06:12:52 PM) Fox: And we talked about polyamary and stuff.
(06:13:30 PM) Draggie: You know Victor's coming around soon.
(06:13:34 PM) Draggie: Are you guys still gonna have sex?
(06:13:37 PM) Fox: Yeah.
(06:13:42 PM) Fox: Why?
(06:13:46 PM) Fox: I mean, probably.
(06:13:52 PM) Draggie: I don't know marf.
(06:15:06 PM) Draggie: The idea of you fucking her fills me with a visceral sense of, just...
(06:15:16 PM) Draggie: Anger.
(06:15:18 PM) Draggie: Anxiety.
(06:15:20 PM) Draggie: Fear.
(06:15:26 PM) Draggie: Revulsion.
(06:15:30 PM) Draggie: Same thing with anyone fucking her.
(06:15:35 PM) Fox: Gee thanks. :P
(06:15:50 PM) Fox: Polyamory is hard, it requires more maturity than I think most people have.
(06:15:58 PM) Fox: But it's healthier for everyone involved.
(06:15:59 PM) Draggie: It's a feeling I can't anull, and can't act on.
(06:16:08 PM) Draggie: All I can do is tell you how I feel.
(06:16:16 PM) Fox: It's because you're still fresh in your relationship with her.
(06:16:19 PM) Fox: And you're terrified of losing her.
(06:16:35 PM) Fox: As you guys continue, you'll feel more secure.
(06:16:38 PM) Fox: And the feeling will fade.
(06:16:47 PM) Draggie: I love you.
(06:16:49 PM) Draggie: And I'm sorry.
(06:16:56 PM) Fox: You don't need to be sorry.
(06:16:59 PM) Fox: I appreciate you telling me how you feel.
(06:17:09 PM) Fox: I hope you're not too pissed that I'm sleeping with your girlfriend.
(06:17:12 PM) Draggie: For a long time now I've loved you even despite the fact that our relationship is sexual.
(06:17:24 PM) Fox: It is
(06:17:25 PM) Fox: ?
(06:17:30 PM) Draggie: *Isn't
(06:17:36 PM) Fox: I love you too.
(06:17:42 PM) Fox: And I've enjoyed watching you grow.
(06:17:55 PM) Fox: You're a lot different than the scared 14 year old I met on live.
(06:17:58 PM) Fox: I hope you still love me.
(06:18:05 PM) Draggie: You can say no.
(06:18:07 PM) Draggie: It's up to you.
(06:18:35 PM) Draggie: But I'm going to ask you to lay off for a while, so I can have time to feel more comfortable with the idea.
(06:18:54 PM) Draggie: We can all do stuff together, and hang out more, so I feel like you two aren't seperate parts of my life.
(06:19:30 PM) Draggie: If we rush into you fucking her right now I know I'm going to resent you for it.  I'm not mature enough to quell these things that I'm wired to feel.
(06:19:45 PM) Fox: But babe.
(06:19:48 PM) Fox: I already laid off.
(06:19:58 PM) Fox: Originally I was the one who was going to have sex with her.
(06:20:05 PM) Fox: But then you said you wanted exclusive access for a while.
(06:20:09 PM) Fox: Which I thought was going to be a few days.
(06:20:33 PM) Draggie: I can't put a schedule on my feelings, Paris.
(06:20:39 PM) Draggie: All I ever said was it wouldn't be permenant.
(06:20:49 PM) Fox: Marf.
(06:20:59 PM) Fox: I just worry that you'll end up deciding you don't ever want me fucking her.
(06:21:26 PM) Fox: And I don't want you to resent me.
(06:21:39 PM) Draggie: I want to make an effort to make our relationship work.
(06:21:54 PM) Draggie: Mine with hers, and yours, and ours together.
(06:22:08 PM) Draggie: And I'm trying to make that work.
(06:22:29 PM) Draggie: I'm trying really hard to chill the fire that's in my chest.
(06:22:40 PM) Draggie: And I'm sorry I'm not more mature, and that I don't have more control over my feelings.
(06:23:18 PM) Draggie: I think if I can come to love you as much as I do without having sex with you, I can get comfortable loving both of you and knowing that you fuck each other without me.
(06:23:33 PM) Draggie: But you wouldn't have asked me to move to austin with you in the first month of us knowing each other.
(06:23:36 PM) Draggie: I need time.
(06:23:45 PM) Draggie: It's not going to take years.
(06:23:49 PM) Draggie: It may not take weeks.
(06:24:04 PM) Draggie: And it's up to you whether or not you want to respect my request.
(06:24:06 PM) Fox: I want to get to the point where we're all comfortable with each other. Where we can all be naked with each other. Where you guys can fuck upstairs while I read a book downstairs. Where we trust each other.
(06:24:16 PM) Fox: Do you think we can get to that point?
(06:24:22 PM) Draggie: Yes.
(06:24:29 PM) Draggie: I'm just telling you that I'm not there yet.
(06:24:38 PM) Draggie: And I'm asking you out of honesty and respect to please give me time.
(06:24:48 PM) Fox: I will.
(06:24:52 PM) Draggie: Polyamory is hard in practice.
(06:25:00 PM) Fox: It forces you to grow.
(06:25:01 PM) Draggie: But I'm going to work to get over it.
(06:25:06 PM) Draggie: As long as you can cooperate with me.
(06:25:16 PM) Draggie: You fucked her last night, didn't you?
(06:25:18 PM) Fox: Can we set a date so this doesn't go on forever though?
(06:25:20 PM) Fox: I didn't.
(06:25:23 PM) Fox: I did sleep naked with her.
(06:25:28 PM) Fox: But I specifically didn't fuck her.
(06:25:31 PM) Fox: Because I knew it would upset you.
(06:25:34 PM) Draggie: Thank you.
(06:25:44 PM) Draggie: We just went over the fact that I can't put a date on my feelings.
(06:25:50 PM) Draggie: You wouldn't ask me to love you by a certain date.
(06:26:17 PM) Fox: How about by the beginning of next year? Do you think that's enough time?
(06:26:40 PM) Fox: Or sooner, if you feel up to it.
(06:27:36 PM) Draggie: I'll try for then, Paris.
(06:27:40 PM) Draggie: All I can do is try.
(06:27:53 PM) Draggie: Just be patient with me, okay?
(06:27:57 PM) Fox: That's a month and a half away.
(06:28:07 PM) Fox: I just...
(06:28:18 PM) Fox: I just don't want this to be something that we keep putting off.
(06:28:26 PM) Fox: Until we realize it's been a year and we're in the same position.
(06:29:57 PM) Fox: Because I'm not okay with continuing this dynamic if you don't trust me enough to be intimate with her, eventually. If she's going to be a part of our life, a part of my life as well, then I need to be able to see her as a mate. And I don't want to have to worry about drama between any of the three of us with any other person because of jealousy.
(06:30:13 PM) Fox: I don't want to realize in six months that you've decided that I should just not be sexual with her at all.
(06:30:36 PM) Fox: That's not fair to me.
(06:31:15 PM) Draggie: If it comes to me being that stubborn, and I can't get over it, I'll break up with you or her.
(06:31:23 PM) Fox: Jesus.
(06:31:29 PM) Fox: Is that really a possibility?
(06:31:36 PM) Draggie: I'm not perfect.  :(
(06:31:42 PM) Fox: That's a fucking nightmare.
(06:31:50 PM) Fox: You end up breaking up with me and being with her.
(06:31:51 PM) Fox: Moving away.
(06:32:26 PM) Draggie: Now, take that fear.
(06:32:36 PM) Draggie: That anxiety and hate.
(06:32:42 PM) Draggie: That's how I feel when I think about you fucking her.
(06:32:42 PM) Fox: I don't feel any fear.
(06:32:53 PM) Fox: I was going to say that I want you to do whatever is best for you.
(06:32:55 PM) Draggie: And that's what I'm trying to get over.
(06:33:10 PM) Fox: Maybe you should talk to her about it.
(06:33:42 PM) Draggie: I'm sorry marf.
(06:33:47 PM) Draggie: I don't mean to be apocalyptic.
(06:34:08 PM) Draggie: But you're asking me to be really concrete about this and I don't know how things are gonna turn out, or if I'll get over it.
(06:34:20 PM) Draggie: All I can do is promise you, as the boy you love, that I'm going to try as hard as I can.
(06:34:46 PM) Fox: Okay.
(06:34:49 PM) Fox: But talk to her about it.