Literally Hitler Script

A: Mom says get dressed.
V: For what?
A: The new neighbor's coming over for dinner.
V: Uhh.
A: I know.
V: What if he's weird?
A: What if he's Hitler? What if he's literally Hitler and tries to kill us?

M: Don't laugh at his accent.
A: I won't.
M: Where's your brother?
A: Up. Getting dressed.
A: Aww, you look so handsy-boy! Doesn't he look handsy-boy?
M: He always looks handsy-boy!
A: Not always.
M: He's here!
H: Hello. I am Adolf Hitler. I come from Deutschland. I have moved into your neighborhood last week.
M: Hi! I'm Abigail Audenberry, but you can call me Abby.
H: Is the kinder retarded?
M: No... I don't think so?

M: Let me show you around the house. As you may notice...
A: Maybe he won't be that bad.
V: Are you stupid!?
A: No, I'm not stupid!
H: SILENCE!
A: This is our house!
H: Listen to me: I will kill you, I will kill your mother, I will kill your mother, I will kill your plants!
V: No you won't! Fuck you!
H: Ahh! Cuss words! Such impolite language! I wasn't really going to kill you, but now...
V: Nazi! Die!
A: Ahh!
M: What is going on?
A: Um... we were just playing...playing "Kill Hitler."
M: Aww, well that's cute! Just make sure Hitler doesn't mind.
H: Not at all. I love the kinder.

H: I must reheat the creamy mushroom spaetzle I've prepared, or as some like to call it, German macaroni and cheese!
V and A: EWW!
H: YOU WILL LIKE IT IF YOU TRY IT!
V: You don't know shit, Hitler!
H: I know much! If you eat something seven times, you will begin to like it!
V: Very interesting, Hitler. And just who taught you that?
H: I don't remember. Maybe it was your mother.
V: Was that a "your mom" joke?
H: Why don't you ask her?
V: Uhh!
A: Mom!
V: Good idea. I'll keep an eye on Hitler. Wait. NO!
A: Mom. Mom! Mom! MOM!
M: You are so dead, Audrey.
V: Stop!
V: Mom. Mom. Hitler! He's. Oh Mom.
A: *Meow*
A: Mom, is it true that if you eat something seven times you will begin to like it, because I'm not sure that is
true because that's what Hitler said to me. I don't know how he would know you or how you would say that or if you did say that...
V: Mom, you need to call the cops. Hitler, he's a nazi, and he's trying to kill us! You're the adult. You need to do something!
It's, it's like you don't even care!
M: I didn't hear any of that. One at a time.
V and A: Uhh--
H: Dinner!
M: Oh! It's ready already! Smell's nice...Is someting wrong?...Come here, my babies, it'll be okay!
V: Really?
M: Of course! Just think of it as German macaroni and cheese! And, if you eat it seven times, you'll love it!
V: -They look like maggots. If Hitler could read my thoughts, he would have shot me just for thinking that..right?-
A: -Probably.-
M: Smells nice.
H: Eat it!
V: Stop! Don't eat the creamy mushroom spaetzle!
M: I don't even have my fork yet.
V: He's LITERALLY Hitler! It's obvious to everyone what's going on here. He's trying to kill us! He hates us because
we're jews! He put Zyklon B in the German macaroni so that we die when we ate it! He thinks we don't deserve to live!
Well, I think he doesn't deserve to live next door!
A: -Are you stupid?-
M: Victor. Go to your room. NOW!
M: Do you have any children, Hitler?
H: Nein.
M: Nine?
H: I never had kids. Well, maybe I did. It's a surprise!
M: Uh-huh.

A: Victor...Victor...Please say something!
V: We're dead...
A: We're alive!
V: Not for long.
A: I still think we can beat him.
V: How can you think that?
A: How can you not think that? There's two of us and one of him! As long as we don't get separated, we'll be...okay!? Right?
V: Audrey, I think if we're lucky, one of us will be okay.
A: *sobbing*

H: ...but which would you choose, if you had to choose one?
M: I don't know...Victor, I guess?
H: To live or to die?
V: I'm not here to cause any more trouble. I'm just really hungry.
M: So...Hitler...What kind of work do you do?
H: Painting.
M: Oh?
H: But I gave it up to become Chancellor of Germany.
M: Oh. Well, that sounds important. Huh! Victor! Little shit! That's not funny. Stop joking around!
A: I don't think he's joking!
M: Honey, say something! Huhh! HUUUAAAAAHHHH!
A: HUUAAH!
M: YOU! HE WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU! YOU DESERVE TO DIE!
A: Help! My brother is dying!
A: Mom! Hitler's getting away!
M: Audrey! NO...
A: HITLER!
A: Pretty fucked up!

A: Hitler? Adolf?
H: Stay back! I will shoot myself, and then I will shoot you!
A: Why did you do it, Hitler? Why did you give up painting? You used to paint such beautiful castles.
I mean, to be honest, I've been following you for kind of a long time. I also really liked your flash cartoons on Newgrounds.
Your stuff on DeviantArt, your SheezyArt; Hell, even liked your old crap on Fur Affinity.
H: Hgghhghgh...I WILL KILL YOU JUST FOR KNOWING ABOUT THAT!
A: Don't be embarassed, Hitler. It was who you were. Who you still are! And, yeah, it scarred me for life, but like, in a good way!
That's the Hitler I want to remember. That was the good Hitler.

A: Victor?
A: Huh...!
V: Audrey...UHHH! UUUHHHH!
A: Yeah! Yeah! Hahahahaha!
V: Audrey...Where's Hitler?
A: Hitler!? Just kidding. Hitler is somewhere where he can never hurt you again.
V: Where?
A: There!...Isn't he talented? I wonder what he's painting right now...