Dib double checked the lock to his door and that the blinds completely covered any sight into the room. It wasn’t like Gaz or his Dad ever came into his room unless they were absolutely forced to but he couldn’t take any risks. What he was about to do was top secret Paranormal Investigator business that no one at High Skool could ever find out about.

He went over to his desk and booted up his laptop. As it started up he went to retrieve the briefcase on his bed given to him exclusively by one of the Swollen Eyeball leaders. If anyone but him were to try and open it, it would explode instantly. He pressed his thumb against the reader and waited for the case to click open. Out of it he pulled out a sleek USB drive with the Eyeballs symbol on it and put it into his laptop.

He sat in his desk and waited patiently for the drive to be read. Finally the words “Cryptid High School 7: Triple Bukkake Edition! popped up.

A light blue alien girl with large green eyes in a government lab appeared on the screen.

Xligitina: Oh [MOTHMAN], if you help me escape from Area 51 we can-

An explosively loud crash outside his window caused him to slam his laptop shut on instinct and shove it under his desk as quickly as he could. Once his secret was safe he ran over to his window and pried it open.

A Voot cruiser, smoking and sparking, had crashed right in the middle of backyard. Laying in front of it appeared to be an Irken ejected from it right as it crashed.

Dib ran out of his room and down the stairs outside as fast as he could ignoring Gaz’s usual threats. It was Zim’s ship! Zim had to have crashed right next to his house and was unconscious! It was... not Zim.

She looked extremely similar to Zim but from what Dib has seen there wasn’t much genetic diversity amongst Irkens. But she had very noticeable eyelashes and curled antenna like Tak had. She shuffled a bit before opening her big pink eyes, another weird similarity to Zim, to look at Dib.

“Wow human you sure are not repulsive or ugly.” She said as she took in his appearance.

“Uh thanks- wait how do you know I’m human?”

“I have been studying this planet from the moon for sometime. I am very fascinated by your simple species and would like to preserve them from any possible invasion attempts by superior races.” She explained simply.

“Aren’t you Irken? Seems kind of weird to go against your own Empire.”

“But you see I, Tenn, am driven by my weak heart towards protecting inferior species! It’s a tragic curse I must deal with. Unfortunately now my ship is broken because I am a horrible pilot and I am too stupid to repair it.”

Well if she wasn’t any danger to Earth...

“I could take a look at it if you wanted, it’s a long story but I’ve actually fixed up a Voot before-“

“You would help Tenn, human who is smarter than the rest of his brainrot race?” She asked hopefully. Dib felt a bit of pride at her words. He didn’t consider himself someone who gave into easy flattery but it was hard not to take compliments when you only received them about once every five years.

“I guarantee I can fix your ship.” He reached down to help her up grabbing her hand but when he touched her she made a face of pure revulsion.

“Oh I’m sorry you see I have a nervous condition where I have face seizures sometimes. Please ignore how hideous they make me.” She told him as he helped her up and with that the two of them made their way into Dib’s house.

“Wait... if you don’t want to hurt humanity you can help me prove that aliens are real and maybe be... I don’t know an ambassador or something but they’ll have to believe me if I have you!” Dib said excitedly but was pulled to a stop as Tenn yanked on his hand behind him.

“You wouldn’t let them open me up alive would you!? What if they take me away and I never get to see your completely not hideous or too large face again?” Tenn screeched at him.

Dib paused for a moment to consider what he said. With Zim he would have no problem seeing him under the knife but Tenn... she wished no harm on humanity. Also she was right, what if they closed her off to the world for experimentation and Dib never saw her again. This could be his one chance to possible get la- befriend an Irken!

“No of course I wouldn’t. I swear I won’t tell anyone about you.” Tenn seemed to calm down at his words.

“Not ugly Human... would you like to give Tenn a tour of your base?” She asked him.

“Sure. Well there isn’t much to our “base” but I can show you around.”

Dib took her through the Garage, Kitchen, all five of their bathrooms, and finally led her into the living room.

“Oh- this is my sister Gaz- Gaz you won’t believe this! Another Irken showed up only she’s not trying to destroy humanity like Zim and Tak.” Dib told her excitedly.

Dib called out as he noticed Gaz laying back on the couch and eating some day old Bloaty’s while watching some of sort of stream on the tv. She turned her head around the bare minimum she could to look at him with an annoyed glare. When her eyes landed on Tenn she looked confused for a minute before returning to irritation.

“I’m waiting for the Plitch Direct tonight and this is too moronic to even think about so both of you go upstairs NOW.”

Dib shrugged it off and left towards his dad’s lab. Tenn looked a little scared during Gaz’s outburst which was weird considering she had never met her before. Was his sister really that intimidating?

He was about to bring Tenn upstairs before he remembered he forgot to show her what was probably the only interesting room in their house.

“This is my Dad’s home lab but he’s away on business right now. You don’t have to worry about him finding out you’re here because he shouldn’t be back for a few weeks.” Dib said swiping the keycard and letting them both in.

“I see... and what does he work on in this lab of his?” Tenn asked peering around.

“Medical technology, infinite laser toast cutters, basic stuff to help improve society you know? I won’t deny what he’s doing is great but... it never caught my eye.”

He turned to look at the alien in the room with him. Dib knew he was screwed the day Zita had asked him to Junior Formal and he wasn’t interested in her. She was the prettiest girl in their class by human standards by that was the issue. Human standards. Encountering Tak during puberty messed up his libido more than he would like to admit.

“Anyways, I guess you’ll have to stay in my room because if you try to sleep anywhere else in the house it might piss Gaz off. You can take my bed I don’t mind sleeping on the floor- do Irkens even sleep?”

“Do not worry about that. I’m sure I will find something to do as you rest...” Tenn said grinning madly. Dib smiled himself, it was nice to see her happier after how miserable she was earlier.

He led her up to his room, praying that his laptop was in a safe enough hiding spot with what little time he had to hide it. Once they entered she went and sat down his bed still looking gleeful over seeing the lab. However Dib sitting down next to her seemed to lessen her mood. It was probably the brain condition again.

“Human, why don’t we work on my ship in the morning? I would like to stay with you while for you are... you are very good at... you are very tolerable!”

A girl had never called Dib tolerable before!

“Do you ever get lonely up there on the moon by yourself?” Dib asked her laying back on his bed.

“The Moon?! What- oh yes of course the Moon! I suppose it would be nice to see other Irkens but the joy I get from observing humans makes up for that.” She said distractedly.

“If you’re a bit of an outcast I know what it’s like. My classmates are assholes who can’t see what’s right in front of their faces and even my genius dad won’t listen to me. It sounds bad but sometimes I think my family are the only people on Earth who aren’t braindead...”

“Eh? Oh yeah I also relate to whatever you were just talking about- are you feeling tired at all human? Perhaps you want to sleep for the night?”

“Of course not. It’s a little hard to be tired when I found the first alien that actually likes me and thinks I’m cool.” Dib sat up to meet her eyes.

“Yes yes I... do that.”

Feeling a little brave Dib reached out to put his hand over hers. She immediately made a giant retching sound as if she was going to hurl.

“Oh-“

“HURGHK- no no this is wonderful it’s just my URHGK- nervous condition acting up again.” She said painfully. The two of them sat there for a few minutes.

Eventually Dib let go of her hand to touch her shoulder. The action seemed to make her eye twitch. He didn’t know what had gotten into him because he normally wasn’t this forward with anything that wasn’t paranormal research. But she didn’t seem to have turned him down in any way until this point...

“Tenn you might the first person in the Universe to treat me with respect. I don’t know how to ask this because I don’t talk to a lot of people or aliens... but do you think I could kiss you?” He asked her prompting her to have the most violent facial seizure he had seen yet. Maybe he could try to research a cure for that later.

“You mean kiss as in human kiss... touching flesh and swapping diseased germy fluids?” She asked her eye twitching uncontrollably.

“Sounds like you watched a lot of human movies on the moon.” He said laughing “That’s kind of a what it’s like but it’s supposed to be much better than you make it sound.”

“Is this what you really want Dib human? Wouldn’t you rather have Tenn update your pathetic computer or clean your smelly floor?” She sounded desperate.

“I don’t think I’ve wanted anything this bad in a long time.” And if she was staying with him there was time for the other things she mentioned later. Deciding to risk it he began to lean forward.

As he got closer he could see her eyes no longer twitching but widening with something that looked like pure panic. It was almost funny how she seemed to be even more nervous than he was. Right as he almost made contact with her lips he closed his eyes and... SMACK.

He was struck directly across the face hard enough to knock him back.

“No infinite laser knife is worth this VILE HUMAN DEPRAVITY! Gir will have to cut his own tooooassssttt!”

With that Tenn pushed Dib to the floor and leapt out of his window. He heard the sound of something cracking and a painful screech before he saw her broken ship lift off and fly away into the distance.

Dib took a full five minutes to process what had happened before letting out a sigh and pulling out his laptop once again. At least he would always have Xligitina.