JoJo Green? It might be a thing

>Hm?
>Why hello there! I'm sorry, I didn't see you come into my laboratory
>Oh?
>You want to know my name?
>Ah, it's nothing special, but you can call me Anonymous, or Anon, if you like
>Though I prefer to go by my official title
>What's that, you ask?
>Why, I'm none other thank Canterlot's Premiere Supernatural Investigator Extraordinaire-ntist!
>Also known as the PSIE-ntist
>Nono, P-S-I-E, like "psychic"! The "P" is silent!
>Ahem, anyways, Canterlot, like all towns, has its share of home-spun secrets and urban legends
>It is in my, ahem, professional opinion (online doctorates boi, aw yee, respectable n' shit!) that just as the average human mind craves the extraordinary, so too does the modern, normal community desire the fantastical, out of a desperate need for balance
>For the mundane to be comfortable instead of oppressive, there must too be that unseen 'something' lurking in the shadows, dangerous and awesome, a little mystery to fill in the empty cracks of the soul
>Like how the obviously tsundere Rainbowdacious Dashicus balances out her tough-girl lifestyle with childrens' adventure tales
>Ah, you wouldn't tell her I said that, would you?
>I might love ghosts and ghouls, but I don't think I'd want to be one...
>Plus I'd probably end up haunting my locker, which I've spent more than enough time in, thankyouverymuch
>Ah, but I digress!
>As the Head PSIE-ntist (and only member, currently. please take a membership card, pleasepleaseplease oh fine...) it is my sworn duty, neigh, my moral obligation to the citizens of Canterlot, to uncover the strange, the weird, and the fantastic!
>Not for fame or wealth, but to share them with the plebeians who inhabit this world, that they too may love the bizarre as much as I do!
>To embrace not fear of the unknown, but to accept it into their very soul!
>....
>"That all?"
>You cough and adjust your tie, patting down your wrinkled, over-sized lab coat
"Ah, yes, I think that will do..."
>The trio of schoolgirls, clad in newspaper news-caps, double-check their handwritten notes
"Do, ah, do you have enough for your blog?"
>The abrasive, purple-haired one, fixes you with a skeptical eyebrow
>"That depends, d'you have the sixty bucks you promised in return for this, uh..."
>"Interview, Scoots, or expose, that's what Rarity's magazines call them."
>You lament the cruel death of childhood wonder and innocence with the dawning of the internet and fork over the wad of bills
>Mostly ones, just to spite the little fu-er, fiends
>The lump of green disappears swiftly, instead replaced by their horrible, beaming smiles
>Greed has ruined the youth
>"Yeah, ah think this'll be enuff fer th', uh, article."
>Your hands clasp together, startling the trio
"Excellent! Now then, would you mind absconding? I have research to perform, important research!"
>Plus this lab coat was getting warm...
>"Sure, mister!"
>"See you never, wackjob."
>"So long! Man, can you girls believe how much money we made, just for answering an Anonymous email inviting us into a total stranger's dark basement without any adult supervision? We should do this more often!"
>"That ain't a bad idea, Sweetie! Ah even now a guy who-"
>'SLAM!'
>Silence, finally...
>Now, to follow up on the recent influx of bees the Canterlot Flower Trio were talking about...
>And people say eavesdropping is just creepy
>You know for a fact that it isn't just creepy, it's informative, and invasive!
>Plus, it makes you feel like an alien, probing lowly humans for valuable data
>And anything that makes you feel like an alien is a good thing in your book
>Glasses lit by the electric glow of your ancient, home-brewed laptop, you crack your knuckles (at least, three of them) and get to work
"Maybe that local honey shop will know something about it?"