Thread 33: Stories 1-15

Thread 33 archive: http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/18808995
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>AJ
"Rarity"
~~~~~~

>...is that...

"IS THAT THE SUN!?"

>Is the sun actually raisin'!?

"We've been out ALL NIGHT!?'

>...Nawwww...

"Celestia's messing with us."

>That's gotta be it.

"She is just having a horrid little joke at our expense."

>That's right.

*GOOOOOD MORNING PARTYLANDGOERS! I'M HOPING YOU HAVE THE MOST SPECTUCULOUSLY SPECTACURUS DAY!*

>See? She even got Pinkie in on tha' act.

"What a card."

>Barrel o' laughs, that gal.

"She'll drop the sun any moment now, now that's she's had her fun."

>...Any minute now...

"...aaaany... minute now..."

>...

"..."

>...Fuck.
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NC

"All day and night we looked and we couldn't find them..." Rarity shakes her head. "And this hotel is just too massive, I mean, there's a even a gym here! That's just obscene!"

"Speakin' o' obscene, what's wit' that crowd gathered jus' outside o' it?"

"Isn't that Princess Celestia?"

"An' Chrysalis?"

"And 18?"

"An' Tiara?"

"And Cadence!"

The two go to investigate and find more mares gathered, most of them staring at the spectacle inside as in a small ring in the center of the gym, Shining Armor and Spike had apparently decided to do some morning exercises via sparring

Both combatants were covered in sweat and starting to breath hard but still looked happy and ready to keep fighting

"Oh... Oh, my."

"Darn tootin'..."

And then wings flew up when the Spike and Shining Armor decided to test their grappling techniques

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"???"
'???'
~~~~

Such peace... such serenity... such a glorious, glorious feeling of warmth, so nice and downright-

>That better not be your nose in my crotch.

"ZZZZzzzzz..."

>...It totally is, isn't it?

"Zzzzzz..."

>Said you were going to take the couch, that's what you said, but here you are. Your nose is so cold.

"Zzzz..."

>You are so, so lucky it's impossible for me to get a morning 'spear' when my daughter is in the room-

*BEEPBEEPBEEP-*

"WHAZAHAMWHOWHATWHERE!?"

*POW!*

"What!? Where- where am... uh, Shiny?"

>*INAUDIBLE SCREAM!*

"...Your mouth it moving, but I can't hear anything."

>*SCREAMING INTENSIFIES, QUIETER!*

"...Oh, oh crud, did I just..."

>*THE SOUNDS OF A MILLION CRYING BABIES RINGS OUT!*

"...Oh man, with my HORN too! That has GOT to... to st.. eeee..."

'MNNNnnn...G'mornin' Shiny!... Hey, whatch'a makin' that face fer? OH OH! Are we doing a funny face contest!? MMMNLLLL!... Awww, I can't beat yer's, Shiny! That's just not fair! Ya' gotta show me!'

>*THE SIGHT OF A BILLION TORTURED SOULS PLAY OUT IN HIS EYES!*

'...Shiny?'

"Kiddo, gonna need you to do something."

'Oh, hey not mom! What'cha need?'

"Ice. So... so much ice..."

'Oh... okay!'

"Hang in there, Shiny, she'll be back any second."

>*AND THE LIQUID COME OUT WITH THE PRIIIIIIIIDE!*

"f it's any consolation, I totally would be happy to kiss it and make it better."

>...

"Your loss."
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>Actarius
"JJ"
'Arana'
~~~~

>Ow... my head... what happened last night?

"You want the long version or the short version?"

>Short.

"Short version is there was a sudden need to pound stuff at some point in the night, you spent a lot of time on my back and I'm still a bit sore, I ended up getting sticky hooves and it was as fun as expected, we rolled around the carpet, and then there was a lot of screaming."

>...Why does my head hurt?

"An accidental bounce on the bed sent you into the headboard."

>Ohhhhh... yeah, okay, I remember that. The whole... right, the whole Arana thing. How'd you get sticky hooves?

"I thought if I put glue on them, the balls wouldn't go through the holes."

>How'd that work out?

"..."

>Right, yeah, probably should have seen that coming.

"Meh, I didn't see a lot of stuff when it was coming last night, that's how I ended up with this crud on my eye."

>Eesh, you okay?

"Eh, it was my fault, I tried to catch it in my mouth, and I missed."

>Well, how's our little sleeping spider?

'I'm sorry.'

"Curled up and miserable."

>Ohhh, come on, it's okay. We know you didn't mean to accidentally scare us, it's our fault for upsetting you like that.

'...I'm sorry...'

>No no, nothing to be sorry about, you hear? Come on, how's about we go on a ride while we try to find the princesses, eh? I bet they're worried about you.

'You... you mean it? But what if I pop out again?'

>Then I will let you use my trenchcoat. Never liked it anyway. You and us are going to have a ton of fun!

'R-really!? Oh! THANK YOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!'

>Aww, anytime little Spider-ling!

'Come on! I wanna go on the netty catcher! That's just like what momma used ta' do for any diamond dogs she caught, and it's probably not made of acid either!'

>...

"You chose this."

>I know.. I know...

'Come on! We don't want to be late, or else we'll get eaten... oh, right, you don't do that. Well, that's a good thing, I hated it when their eyes popped ou-BLEEEGHHHH!'

>...

'Sorry.'
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>DT
"SS"
'???'
[???]
~~~~

>Another!

"DT, really, you don't have to toss bits at him."

>Of course I do. My MO is projectile based. It's a theme, and it's branding.

'Great Wallbreaker!'

[I knew she was a growing filly, and that she probably burned off calories pretty regularly, but this is ridiculous!]

>Patchy! School teacher! Come and sit, we've got plenty go around.

'I'll say, Poppet. I mean, just on the waffle stack alone, you have enough to feed a family. Are you really that hungry?'

>Pffft, no. I just wanted to taste it all.

'...What?'

>What are you complaining about? I pay for it!

[Aren't the breakfast's provided for free?]

>Oh yeah, I could totally have all of this for free if I wanted, but then how would they know I can afford it?

[...is that a rocket launcher?!]

>SHHHH! TBDRLIATU is in disguise!

'Wait a minute! you mean that thing last night WASN'T the firework you stole!? How... I thought they confiscated that.'

>They tried. But, well, let's just say I now not only have him, but unlimited access to every ride for the next two days. Free.

[And... Pinkie knows about this?]

>Oh oh hoo! She handed them to me, personally.

'... So, let me get this straight, you not only have a terribly deadly weapon-'

>Mmm, he is that.

'-and are lugging it around an amusement park, but the owner personally handed it to you.'

>Pretty much.

[So, you paying for all this stuff is.... gratitude?]

>Nope, just so they know I'm rich. I'll probably still pay for every ride, and tip the guy. Just for the look on his face.

'...Dear, I've fought monsters of all shapes and sizes...'

[I've beaten demons to paste with a textbook.]

'Seen horrors none should see.'

[Watched things that make angels weep.]

'All sorts of things that would reduce a changeling to a shadow of what he once was...'

[...You're scared too?]

'Terrified.'

>SIT!

Without another word, they sat down, and enjoyed their breakfast.

"Yeah... that's pretty much my life at this point."
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>Screwloose
“Tinsel”
______

A mare with a shockingly gray mane lay on her back near the steel door, encased in her usual straightjacket and steadily tapping a hindleg against the steel frame.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

T-

>Huh. Odd.

“What now?”

>It took approximately forty-three hours for the sun to rise again. I wonder why…

“Wonder no more, because it didn’t. It came up at same time it always does.”

>Tiny, Tiny, Tiny… see, this is probably how you feel down those stairs, lack of attention to detail.

“…Nooooo, I fell down those damn stairs because my stroke-”

>I was starting to think maybe Nightmare Moon had returned to all her glorious splendor.

“Nightmare Moon was not glorious by any stretch of shit. She tried to force-”

>And then, for one heart-stopping second, I thought it was my tolerance for all those sedatives wearing down and causing me to go insane.

“You already are insa-”

>But then I realized… that maybe the reason was because of something simple like… having fun.

“C'mon now. Do you seriously think having the night last for that long could happen without major repercussions, Screwy?”

>Of course not, don’t be silly. It’s just… odd, that I’ve been tapping my hoof against the door for a count of fifty-two thousand and ninety-six beats. When on an average night it usually takes me about twelve thousand, give or take a few hundred.

“…”

>What? I have to keep track of the passage of time somehow in here! Do you see a clock?

“Annnnnd my shift’s over.”

>Same time tomorrow?

“Yes. Unfortunately.”

>Keep talking that sweet and I may let you take me one day.
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>Trixie
"29"
'MM'
[Zecora]
~~~~

>AGAINST THE WALL! You slammed me against the wall so hard my head was spinning! Don't you have any idea how to treat a mare!?

"..."
'...'

>WHAT!?

'PFFFTHAHAHAHAH!'

"Oh my! Trixie, I had no idea thou wished to be treated as the most delicate of flower!"

>...Oh shut up!

[If you wish us silent, you must try harder. Your words alone will carry you no farther.]

'Hey, it's okay Trixie! Not a whole lot of ponies could handle Zecora!'

"For truth! With such spells and knowledge of the chemical arts, she must be quite the powerful foe."

'Indeed, my good 29! Why, all of her magic is but nothing to Zecora's capabilities and knowledge!'

[Oh, such flattery will make me blush! But please do not stop, it gives me a rush.]

>Zecora isn't that impressive!

"Oh? You're better than her?"

>Trixie is the Greatest and most POWERFUL in all things!

'I don't know, it seems like you would need experience in the area.'

>TRIXIE HAS MORE EXPERIENCE WITH THAT AND IN MORE WAYS THAN YOU WILL EVER... uh...

"..."
'...'
["'AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!"']

>S-SHUT UP!

'Wow, Trixie! Had no idea! Want to tell us all about it sometime?'

"I CAN'T BREEEAAATH!"

>T-TRIXIE MEANT WITH SHOWMANSHIP! MAGIC SHOWS!

[Indeed, that is what we meant. Of course, my magic shows do not leave others spent.]

>TRIXIE IS NOT LIKE THAT!

[Like what?]

>L-LIKE... you're just messing with me now.

[Indeed.]

"AHAHAHAH!"

'MY SIDES!'

>...The great and powerful Trixie is no longer a part of this conversation.

"Ooohhh... phew."

'Oh, don't be grumpy, we're just poking a bit of fun. We know you're not a trick-turner.'

>I AM SO-... that means prostitute, doesn't it?

[It does.]

>...

["'PPFFFTHAHAHAHHAHA!"']

>I'll kill them all someday...
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>Idris
"Rekulk"
'Vekir'
-Grehm-

King Idris af Gryphonia, Descendant of Lion and Eagle, Sovereign of the ancestral lands of all Gryphons, Lord-Commander of the Thousand Feathers and the Beaked Immortals, First of His Name padded down the hall of the Grand Equestrian Hotel on a sacred mission on behalf of his Queen.

>Don't see why I've got to get the damned ice, we could have easily gotten a servant to do it. What kind of hotel doesn't give you the ice?

Dragging the ice bucket behind him and grumbling further to himself, the King of all Gryphons made his way to the ice machine, ignoring the pile of small stuffed animals wearing ridiculous helmets next to it.

>Alright, time to brave the cold.

Giving a yawn, Idris, moved to activate the macine...when the top popped off. From the inside rose a monolithic figure that towered over him, causing him to back away a bit.

The fact that it was clad in hot pink armor did little to allay his concerns.

-You require the cold rocks?-

>...yes?

Without another word, the goliath reached down, taking the bucket. It nonchalantly dragged the bucket within the machine and handed it back to Idris full.

-Your day is now improved.-

>Right...I'm just going to go and not complain to the management about your living in the Ice Machine. Good day.

Idris turned to leave and found himself face to face with two other figures, one in blue, one in green, one lanky, one small.

"Aha, behold sister, another wonder of the surface world! A cat-bird!"

'Oooooh, it is very pretty, brother.'

>...

"Greetings, honored cat-bird! I am Rekulk, this is Vekir, and he who gave you ice is Grehm."

>...

"...would you like to trade? We would enjoy the trading."

'But none of my small dead animals!'

>I don't know what sort of nonsensical costume party I've walked into, but I don't have time for this, my Queen and I are going to prepare ourselves for the day and then spend it at the World's Fair. More specifically the Drinking Hall...to check authenticity.

"A hall of drinking? Astounding!"

'Much astoundment!'

"May we join you, honored cat-bird-?"

>Gryphon, not cat-bird. And I don't believe you ponies would enjoy it there, we eat meat.

"'-GASP!-'"

>I thought as mu-

"Meat!? Delicious meat! Please, Gryphon Friend! Take us to the meat!"

'We have had nothing to eat but the cloud-sweets and popped corn!'

-And those injure our inside.-

>Even if I wanted to spend one iota of time with you strange ponies-

"Morlocks, we are Morlocks."

>...Morlocks, I would not do so without something in return.

"AHA! You have fallen into my trap, Gryphon-Friend! Rekulk is a master of trade!"

>...really now?

"Yes, if you give us the honor of eating the delicious meats, we will give you...THE RED SHINY STONE!"

From a nearby sack, the one called Rekulk retrieved a flawless ruby, glinting in the hotel lights. Idris' beak dropped.

>That's...

"Not your favorite color? Never fear, we also have the blue!"

A DIAMOND!? Idris' eyes grew wide.

>...yes, yes I think Gwendolyn and I would enjoy some company. Make yourselves presentable.

'May I bring my small dead animals?'

>No.

'Awww...fine! I shall create a camp!'

In a few moments Vekir had arranged her strange little pile of stuffed animals into an ordered formation, hopping back towards Idris happily.

'They shall watch over our new home until we return, this they have pledged with their lives!'

>Sounds good, follow me if you don't mind. And don't forget, I want one of the blue ones for each of you.

"Of course Gryphon-Friend!"

Idris, Vekir, and Rekulk set off, joined by Grehm...juuuust after the big Morlock retrieved his own animal from the machine, positioning it on his head and following after.
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>Twilight
"Chrysalis"
~~~
>Chrysalis, how can I help?

"Have you got a minute to talk?"

>Perfect timing, actually, I've learned some interesting things on Changeling history.

"Can't be that interesting. It's in the past, I don't see it relevant to the now."

>It might still be of use for future reference, or at least pique curiosity.

"Well, let's have it, I guess."

>See, according to these old texts from Sciderella, there used to be a lot more castes of changeling which differed from hive to hive.

"Not surprising to me, every queen had their own idea on how to run things, even went out of their way like Scidy to alter drones to better fit roles. I think my mom had the right of things by not trying to reinvent the wheel if you ask me."

>Perhaps, still, it is interesting to note that 'drone' was simply a generic term for any non-queen or princess changeling. Castes included the familiar soldiers and infiltrators, and also extended to adepts who were apparently magical specialists, vanguards, who seemed to be soldier and adept hybrids, and shockingly, engineers.

"Engineers? Holy shit, that's interesting."

>They could apparently remove pieces of their chitin and use the green goo to construct basic but highly effective siege engines.

"Shit, where are those old technical manuals."

>There's also the matter of husks.

"husks?"

>Yes, it seems that hives would sometimes make longer use of some ponies they could sway through magic, silver tongue, or seduction.

"Ah, so basically the sort of start your brother was in back during the wedding."

>According to this, even less alive. But some queens found such use of these husks, they would perform some special indoctrination method and turn them into something called a Joiner. They looked like a pony, but became loyal servants to the Hive, and were quite powerful.

"Huh, interesting. What happened to them?"

>They apparently were wiped out with the destruction of All'dura-n.

"All'dura-n?"

>It was an ancient city far away and destroyed a long time ago. Though there are rumors some Joiners did survive, and even became emissaries of sorts between hives and ponies.

"So changelings and ponies have been at peace before?"

>Well, it was more like 'surrender or die' emissary, the kind that gets kicked down wells and told where they are.

"Ahhh."

>The texts mention a notable one back during the days of the pre-Equestrian 'Old Republic' period was one called Vector something.

"Well... I gotta say, that was interesting. Thanks, Sparklebutt."

>I'll be here if you need me.
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>56
“Dadling”
‘???’
~~~~~

>Whooooo-eee! That was pretty fun, wasn’t it? The whole climbin' thing, we had a blast, right?

“MY SKIN BURNS LIKE BLEACH ON AN OPEN WOUND!”

>Yeah, that butter was pretty hot. Smart mares, they are, gotta give 'em that.

“SWEET MERCIFUL BAT ASS, IT’S IN MY EYE!”

>Kinda tickles on my thigh.

“IT’S MELDING WITH MY CHITIN!”

>Want some water to wash it off? I’ve got the water right here, in this cloth. It could help.

“GAAAAAAH!”

>Hey, your-name-is-too-darn-long-to-actually-say, watch out around that cor-

*WHAM*

“WHY DOES CELESTIA HATE ME SO?!”

>Tried to warn ya.

‘Th-this pain in my shin I owe to you, so apologize, as is courteous to do.’

>Zecooooora! Mmmmm….

‘...A curious position I find myself here, that you snuggle my front and not my rear. Are you okay, are you sick? A potion for your illness I can brew up quick!’

>Nah, I’m fine. Jus’ learnin’ what Mr. Screamy here calls minors!

“MANNERS YOU IDIOT GAAAAAH!”

‘He wails as if losing his soul, ’tis a hellish experience from what I’m told.’

>Oh, it’s nothing like that, Zeezee, he’s just covered in butter!

“SCOOTING ALL OVER THE FLOOR IS NOT BRINGING ME THE RELIEF I THOUGHT IT WOULD!”

>…really hot butter, apparently. Oh come on, it can’t still be burnin’!

‘Come here, whelp, and let me help, I’ll rub this salve where the butter was dealt.’

“AAAAaaaaaahhh… huh. That… that actually did the trick! It no longer feels like a thousand fire ants are gnawing at my chitin! Thanks!”

‘HNG! Y-your appreciation is always a thing I treasure, but with this hug my spine you'll sever-'

>HUG-PILE ON ZEEZEE!

‘NNNNNGH!’
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NC

>Applejack
“Rarity”
‘???’
~~~~~

“…”

>…

“…”

>…alrigh’, Rars. Y’all been starin’ at me fer’, golly… the past fifteen minutes straight. Either kiss me or tell me what the-

“Your horn, darling….”

>What about it?

“And your wings.”

>Yeeeeah?

“They’re cardboard.”

>…No they're not.

“Yes they are… and you knew they were cardboard. Didn’t you? All this time, you knew.”

>Ah exercise mah right t’ plead the fifth.

“No such law exists within Equestria, dear. And I should know, I helped you with paperwork on a few occas-”

>APPLE IN THE FACE!

“GUH!”

>AN’ AWAY AH GO!

“WHAT’RE YOU HIDING, APPLEJACK? WHY DID YOU DO IT? GET BACK HERE AND ANSWER FOR YOUR CRIMES!”

As the two mares raced off down the foyer, Celestia could only stare, expressionless as new clay.

‘That’s the last time those two stay up past their bedtimes.’
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>Twilight
"Spike"
'Pinkie'
[Fluttershy]
{Dash}
~~~~~

>Ugghhhh... what did we do last night?

"Lots of stuff, actually. Ow. Headache."

'You can't get drunk!'

[None of us drank, we just wore ourselves out]

{Speak for yourself.}

>No, really what did we do, and why am I wearing lipstick?

'Truth or dare. Got crazy.'

{...why is the lipstick smeared?}

[Because I dared her to kiss the doll.]

{RATS! I thought that would end WAY more incriminating!}

"Sooo... we gonna go actually do stuff, like, in partyland?"

>Oh! I need to go get Shiny, we can totally all hang out some more!

{Do you ever not want to be with your brother?}

>Well... I mean, I guess when I'm trying to take a quick shower? Baths are fine, though.

{Right...}

>Come on! Days a wasting!

{You know, somehow, I thought she was going to say "Shiny, I'm coming!"}

'That part's later.'

{HAH!}

[I never get what you guys are saying.]

"I do, and my left eye twitches thanks to it."

[Why?]

"Let's just say, reading 'Sport of Cathedra' makes you see stuff when two really close royals are involved."

[...]

"You don't want to know."
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>Suckerpunch
"41"

"Ungh..."

>Ooh, and she answers the ref's count, guess the match is still on.

"We did it AGAIN!?"

>Funny use of that term, 'did it'. Our little battle for the bed made some people think we were doing it and then we did the it you're talking about.

"Greaaat, and you woke up first."

>If it's any consolation, you were on top of me. So I win the boxing match, you win the wrestling. We're still tied.

The changeling stretches out on the bed.

"Yippee. So, what's on the agenda for today?"

>I need to find myself a good gift for High Roller for setting us up here. I should be able to find something without taking much time.

"Huh, yeah, think I'll get that nurse something too after all the times she patched us up after we bonked."

>That's ni-bonked?

"Y'know, when we-"

She clops her hooves together.

"-bonked."

>I never heard it as a bonk.

"What'd ya hear it as?"

>More of a...konk?

"Konk? Pff, that's stupid!"

>As stupid as bonk?

"Lot's more!"

>Oh yeah?

41 hops off the bed, getting in Punch's face.

"Yeah!"

>Oh YEAH!?

"YEAH!"

CL-

>"NO!"

The two refrain from headbutting each other.

>...phew, heh heh heh.

"Heh...that was close."

>No kidding. How about we agree to disagree?

"We could do that...orrrr..."

>Orrr?

"We could settle it in a more interesting way."

>Oh?

41 points at a map of the park, in particular...the three-story arcade complex.

"We play games for tickets, at the end of the day whoever can get the most expensive gift for their person wins!"

>YOU'RE ON!

The two bump hooves and rush to greet the day!

Their stomachs grumble.

>"...Breakfast first? Yep!"
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NC
>Applejack
"Chrysalis"
'Twilight'
~~~
"Hey, have you guys ever wondered what your kids might look like with your chosen partner?"

>Sure have, given mah feelin's fer Spike, though Twiligh's probably got a better idea o' what a ponydragon hybrid migh' look like. Ah mean Ah ain' gonna try ta git tha poor boy in wedlock, but Ah'm a family mare, Ah consider these things.

"Well I'm not a family a mare, and I kind of still think of it sometimes in my nightmares. I mean when a changeling and pony interbreed, as I recall the offspring's always a changelings, but I kind of see the kid with blue hair and all that. Sparklebutt, what are you doing?"

'Drawing out how I imagine my own progeny would look like?'

>Okay, Ah'm curious.

"I hope you're not still obsessing over... Flash..."

Twilight holds up a picture of what looks like Spike. As a robot. With a red, white, and grey color scheme.

'I've actually already worked him out, I was planning on naming him Blues after my favorite kind of music. A perfect dragon, an unbeatable machine, hell-bent on destroying every evil standing between ponies and harmony, built for one purpose, to destroy Flim and Flam's army of evil robots. Ready, willing, prepared to fight!'

>"..."

>Didn' we finish up tha robot wars?

"You seriously need help, kid."

'I know, but it's a purely hypothetical thing! I'm just having fun.'

Twilight's tone is a bit unconvincing while she laughs nervously and burns up the paper and walks away to the breakfast bar

"Still totally want to commission her for a picture some time."

>Didn' realize she had such an artist's soul.
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>18
"???"
~~~~~~

>ZZZzzz... n-noooo... gesh sha papawork awwwwwwaaaayyy... ishaliiiii-

*BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!*

>GODDAMNIT I HATE THESE THINGS SO MUCH!... Fuck.. fuck all ya'- OH SHIT! Is it really that late in the morning!? FUCK FUCK FUCK I AM SO LATE FUUUUUCK!

*SLAM!*

>Gotta get back in the groove before this shit gets over-run! Damn it all, I'm going to have to get my hoof brace so I don't break my ankle again. Shouldn't be too bad, it was just an hour delay, but that means the Paperwork is going to be reaching at least the filling cabinet high! Fuck, I'm going to have to do that thing where I split my eyes at this rate! AND WHERE THE FUCK IS MY COFFEE!? I WILL MURDER-

"Um, excuse me..."

>... Hi, Cheese Sandwhich.

"Why... why are you in my office filing my management forms?"

>...Where am I, again?

"Partlyand. Specifically, my office in the hotel."

>... Oh... oh right... I'm on vacation... I'm not home... with the paperwork... I'm here... y-yaayyyy.

"...Huh. You actually managed to get that entire stack done? It couldn't have been more than five minutes. How did you..."

>I'm... I'm going to go back to bed for another five minutes or so.

"Yeah, you do that. Enjoy the rest of your day!"

>I'll... I'll do that...

"...Completely error free too... Huh. I wonder if she'd be interested in a jo-"

>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"..."

>I mean, no thanks.
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