serenity suffering

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TU0DxHcnV0

quiet

clock is ticking

white bland ceiling

no one speaking

cant even hear my own breathing

is this heaven or is this just my mind?
my inner sanctum noiseless me confined
my innocence is long gone, no longer kind
this cant be heaven there is no god to find
seven mortal sins long done, odd
look at me cant even think flawed, in sane
yet still i prefer insanity over the mundane

as you sit there staring

at a white ceiling

in the quiet times

live in dark crimes

As Jekyll stares at the corpse of Mr Hyde
my lifes autopsy will kill the coroner
i confide

in losing my mind in silence as the noise grows louder
apathy builds resistance as noise destroys doubters

smell of gun powder hangs in the air

fuck your idea of karma

this wasnt fair

i murdered myself

i aint living

fuck im barely surviving

seeing all their bullshit daily existence failing
at quieting their noise their silence unveiling
but im running

running from the pain running from the memory
running from the image of her face pressed against me

FUCK THAT LIVING

fuck her sealing her lips on mine

fuck me lying saying im fine

fuck her ignoring my pain

fuck her own suffering from her lie

fuck us not being sane and wanting to fucking die

where the fuck is your honesty?
where the fuck is my humanity?
how da fuck am i supposed to deal with an eternity of pain, of suffering of internal hell wondering if i was alone or if i could finally be free if i could be my own or if i could finally be relieved of this mundane existence and not go insane via retribution and elevation of mind intelligence saving me all of them saying im smart but lazy im not smart im not above you im a god im better im a monster I JUST WANT IT TO STOP

JUST FUCKING SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP