your music taste is fuckin LIT
8:57 PM lol thanks
8:58 PM also your twitter
8:59 PM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qayc6yJXG-8
9:00 PM I know that a bluegrass Strokes cover sounds like an elaborate prank but it is amazing
9:05 PM haha my twitter is a lot
9:05 PM idk i much prefer this reptilian cover
9:05 PM https://youtu.be/rWgWBA0wP7U
9:07 PM True postmodernism
9:07 PM A beautiful work of art
9:10 PM i appreciate a backwards bassline
9:12 PM I mean what other kind of bassline is there?
9:12 PM what sort of lightweight plays their bass forward?
9:14 PM lmao
9:15 PM the strokes could never
9:15 PM I mean if you are only playing one note.... isn't it always backwards? really thinks you make
9:19 PM that does not make sense to me
9:21 PM
9:21 PM no I have no clue what I'm saying either
9:22 PM I just love that gif so much
9:27 PM it is satisfying
9:29 PM anyway aside from laying down brilliant banter how was your day today?
9:34 PM (also are you actually looking for hookups or is your twitter just an act?)
9:35 PM lmao it’s such an act no one ever realizes that though
9:36 PM Well yes guys have approximately the awareness of a wall
9:36 PM self-awareness of one too
9:38 PM but not everything on your twitter is a lie... Josh Lyman's sex appeal is ridiculous (though I'm still a sucker for Toby)
9:41 PM I'm sorry I can't stop reading your twitter it's toeing that line between deranged and brilliant
9:43 PM lmaooo thanks that’s a great compliment
9:44 PM it’s not really lies what i tweet like i was feeling sexually frustrated in a tj maxx parking lot but not completely serious eithee
9:44 PM toby is the best too
9:45 PM ok see what I've realized is if the answer to the question "Does this tweet give me the urge to send something that a reasonable person could think is creepy?" is yes then odds are it isn't serious and I really need to check myself
9:46 PM I mean also tho don't we all feel sexually frustrated constantly?
9:47 PM yes
9:47 PM while having sex: sexually frustrated
9:47 PM actual mood right there
9:48 PM if people don’t think i’m at least a little bit creepy they don’t know anything about me
9:49 PM See I can already tell you're slightly off your rocker but I can't figure out in which direction or how much
9:50 PM lmao is it that obvious
9:51 PM not at all, it's cloaked in like 3 layers of irony and one of sincerity
9:51 PM that is EXACTLY what i go for
9:53 PM low-key tho what tipped me off is that you matched with me, my profile is fuckin boring
9:56 PM (also low-key if you're still sexually frustrated we live pretty close to each other, and if that was way out of line then I will literally never say anything like that again)
9:57 PM well tinder is a cesspool
9:58 PM lmao that’s not out of line my bio is literally “help me fill out my planned parenthood punch card” what can i expect
9:58 PM i’m always sexually frustrated but idk how i feel about actually meeting people from tinder honestly
9:59 PM you ever met a tinder person irl?
9:59 PM also like I'm horny but I try to not be an awful person
9:59 PM nope
10:00 PM i’m horny and i try to be an awful person
10:01 PM I mean you prob haven't because guys are creeps and most of them deserve to be blocked immediately
10:01 PM (for the record I always do coffee first, one time I didn't and it was a train wreck)
10:03 PM I am not gonna lie tho I'm actually incredibly horny and also you're super cute so if for whatever reason you would want to meet I'd be down, but also zero pressure ever period and talking with you on here is a lot of fun on its own
10:16 PM (you're not an awful person btw much as you try you can't be)
10:24 PM lolol
10:25 PM yes i am though
10:25 PM i love to virtually blue ball
10:25 PM and send all these men on tinder to this guy’s house
10:25 PM i’m pretty terrible
10:26 PM are they being creeps tho?
10:27 PM no they don’t deserve it i’m just the worst
10:27 PM well maybe a little creepy
10:27 PM but probably not enough to warrant it
10:27 PM ok if they'll go to some random woman's house without ever having met her in person they kinda do deserve it
10:29 PM joke's on you though you can't virtually blue-ball me if I don't have any expectations
10:29 PM the supply of men to virtually blue ball is limitless
10:29 PM no i’m mean but thanks for justifying it
10:30 PM dude over the past few days my friends have told me several stories about men in their lives and I am kinda mad on their behalf
10:30 PM though they're mad enough on their own
10:30 PM so hell fuckin yeah I'm justifying it
10:39 PM please don’t respect women in front of me though it’s kind of a turn off
10:40 PM it do b like that
10:43 PM actually tho that's the funniest thing I've ever read on tinder
10:44 PM it’s funny because it’s true
10:44 PM ok yeah but also you just blue ball random guys so what even is a turn on for you
10:46 PM dude i don’t even know i’m pretty sure it’s like isis roleplay or something
10:46 PM dude who hurt you
10:46 PM my uncle
10:47 PM damn can't tell if you're memeing real hard or serious because I have seen both many times
10:48 PM that’s my brand
10:50 PM this is the funniest conversation I've ever read and I'm also legitimately worried about you
10:54 PM joke's still on you my brand is sincerity and care wrapped in only a single layer of fucked up humor
10:54 PM BORING
10:54 PM no u
10:54 PM let me threaten to kill myself on daily basis please
10:54 PM nah I'd call the cops then block u
10:55 PM 😢
10:55 PM bc I care that you live but don't like being manipulated
10:55 PM lmfao it’s a joke
10:55 PM DIDNT YOU READ MY BRAND
10:56 PM see first word
10:56 PM i’m too stupid for this what are you saying
10:57 PM "sincerity wrapped in only a single layer of fucked up humor"
10:57 PM first word is sincerity
10:58 PM still don’t get it
10:58 PM idc if you're joking I still care about you even though there's literally no chance I'm ever going to meet you because you're fucking insane
11:00 PM ik all my friends say i am a little insane but i don’t think it’s true
11:01 PM My friend Annalee has seen this entire conversation and she also thinks you're fucking insane
11:02 PM "That ain't a person that needs talking to thats a person who needs talk therapy"
11:02 PM - her
11:02 PM hi annalee
11:02 PM which is the part that makes her think i’m insane
11:02 PM hmm lemme think
11:03 PM none of my uncles touched me dw
11:03 PM Yeah I know that creates a different flavor of fucked up
11:03 PM i thought it was a good joke but okay
11:04 PM I mean it was I fuckin laughed my ass off but also there's a line
11:05 PM but also I laughed my ass off
11:05 PM i guess we have different lines
11:05 PM did annalee laugh
11:05 PM that would mean more because she doesn’t want to have sex with me
11:06 PM She's been laughing her ass off the whole time
11:06 PM awww i love that
11:06 PM I mean over text, she lives in a different state
11:06 PM ill still count it
11:07 PM ok so here's her theory
11:07 PM "I know she hasnt pulled anything close to what im about to say, but I swear shes either a libertarian, "apolitical" or right wing and she hates being pc"
11:07 PM "or she's a catfish"
11:07 PM any of those correct?
11:07 PM only the catfish one
11:08 PM (for the record I ain't even trying to have sex with you anymore, you crossed my line a while ago, this is just entertaining af)
11:08 PM damn
11:08 PM but what if i was like please have sex with me right now
11:08 PM please
11:08 PM Yeah you'd just send me to that dude's house you can't fool me
11:08 PM also I'm not an idiot I'd make you meet me for coffee first
11:08 PM smh
11:09 PM okay but i think you would still have sex with me
11:10 PM nah I don't think so
11:10 PM you're cute and all but I'm willing to bet the coffee thing would get you
11:10 PM “don’t stick your dick in crazy” ?
11:11 PM what do you mean
11:11 PM Best piece of advice I've ever gotten
11:11 PM I don't meet anyone in private without meeting them in public first
11:11 PM well yeah same
11:11 PM I wouldn't even get to the trying to have sex with you part bc you'd bail on the coffee
11:11 PM that’s scarier if you’re a girl lol
11:12 PM i’m not too crazy i’m just too flaky
11:12 PM but what does annalise think is behind the catfish
11:12 PM as i’ve tweeted though i’m not a republican i am just racist
11:12 PM Just an edgelord who needs a sense of humor
11:13 PM "But she def needs a life and a sense of actual.goddamn humor"
11:13 PM WOW
11:13 PM that’s rude
11:13 PM she gives zero fucks
11:14 PM i think i have a sense of humor
11:14 PM but i didn’t leave the house today
11:14 PM so maybe the life thing is fair
11:15 PM also like I don't give any fucks either I've at least half seen through you since we started talking and I think I'm seeing the other half now
11:15 PM I mean you prob have AC tho
11:15 PM so like that's understandable
11:16 PM WHAT IS THE OTHER HALF
11:17 PM As all people do, you want validation of your worth, and post-post-post-irony on twitter and tinder has been a reliable way of getting validated.
11:18 PM If you actually didn't care you'd still be playing the game
11:19 PM ofc i want validation but only from tinder twitter is just fucking around
11:20 PM it's a very good twitter
11:20 PM and what is the game
11:21 PM I dunno fam, the process of seducing a guy just to send him to that dude's house?
11:21 PM also do you even know who he is?
11:22 PM yes i went to high school and college with him and then i became friends with him in college and then he called me a bitch
11:22 PM i only do that to like a quarter of tinder matches though
11:23 PM You're still a validation seeking person
11:23 PM also do the other 3/4 see through you? Or do you just not start the conversation?
11:24 PM i’ve only ever messaged someone first if they go to my college bc i actually need friends there
11:24 PM but i mean like a quarter i talk to
11:25 PM lol if you give me that guy's address I'll mail him a potato
11:25 PM the $11 isn’t worth it
11:25 PM nah I'll postmark my own potato
11:26 PM buy one from the store
11:26 PM DIY it
11:26 PM I've done it before, to some random kid in Alabama who my friend catfished like 5 times
11:26 PM that’s good save your money
11:26 PM why did your friend catfish him
11:26 PM He was an idiot
11:26 PM how else do you catfish someone 5 times
11:27 PM catfishing is really easy though
11:27 PM also why else
11:27 PM i’m catfishing you right now and you still don’t know after i told you
11:28 PM i’m still pissed annalee thinks i’m not funny
11:28 PM Yeah but some of my friends are 35 year old dudes so like you don't have anything to hold over my head
11:28 PM it’s because she’s sexist isn’t it
11:28 PM THATS WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT YOU
11:28 PM that i’m sexist? lol
11:29 PM like i’m a sexist man? or a sexist girl
11:29 PM a sexist girl, internalized sexism
11:29 PM but initially that you were a sexist man
11:29 PM when I sent her your message about respecting women her response was "*suddenly acquires knife* soooooo where does he live again?"
11:30 PM lmfao
11:30 PM she doesn’t give me enough credit
11:30 PM that statement was a political commentary
11:31 PM nah fam you just want validation and are masking it in humor
11:31 PM even if you are being serious rn
11:32 PM so which part of this made you hate me i’m confused
11:33 PM Oh I don't hate you at all, I think if we met irl we'd be rlly good friends
11:33 PM I just don't want to have sex with you
11:33 PM liar
11:33 PM you seem chill
11:33 PM can you be both chill and insane
11:34 PM yeah, you ain't always trolling people on tinder
11:35 PM I mean I do think Annalee is kinda existentially mad at you but she's a different story
11:36 PM why do women always have to tear down other women
11:37 PM I mean to her mind that's what you were doing, but in reality the only reason either of you think that about the other is that I'm the medium of communication
11:38 PM another man putting too bad bitches against each other
11:39 PM honestly though what i was saying had more depth than you gave me credit for
11:40 PM oh completely, but depth through irony simply for the sake of being ironic can only go so far
11:40 PM that’s dumb
11:40 PM yeah probably
11:42 PM soooooo do you wanna have sex
11:42 PM nah
11:42 PM :(
11:42 PM I'll still be your friend tho 🙂
11:43 PM okay
11:43 PM we should meet for coffee as friends
11:43 PM and then afterward you put your penis inside of me?
11:43 PM still nah
11:44 PM you're cute, if you really wanted to you could get a guy in bed with you
11:44 PM okay fuck u though
11:45 PM well yes but I'm p sure you don't want to do that and that you're just trying to mess with me
11:46 PM (I'm sorry that sounded rlly mean)
11:47 PM yeah it did
11:47 PM (what I actually was going for is "you have options and all I'm interested in is the coffee")
11:48 PM also I'm still pretty sure you'd send me to that dude's house
11:48 PM you never know
11:48 PM i could come you you
11:48 PM Still only interested in the coffee
11:48 PM fuck
11:49 PM also I think even if I agreed to that you'd STILL find some way to send me to that dude's house
11:49 PM because damn you're good at this
11:51 PM no i definitely wouldn’t
11:51 PM i would have sex with you
11:51 PM but i’d make sure to contract aids first just to still pull a fast one
11:51 PM damn it do b like that
11:52 PM that's a power move right there
11:52 PM raw me wednesday?
11:53 PM still no
11:55 PM ok i’m gonna kill myself now
11:56 PM I don't think you're even trying to manipulate me because you know that I can't call the police bc I have no idea who you are
11:57 PM send the cops to 242 school street belmont
11:58 PM that's the dude's house isn't it
11:59 PM ;)
12:00 AM lol guy deserves it probably but I ain't waking him up
12:00 AM ok deadass tho if you wanna get coffee without sex I'm down, otherwise I'm just unmatching you
12:01 AM stop playing these mind games and have sex with me
12:01 AM lol bye
12:02 AM (just had to copy those last few lines, I'm saving this chatlog for eternity)
12:02 AM don’t unmatch me i wanna keep the convo too
12:02 AM i like being psychoanalyzed
12:03 AM damn you actually are kinda messed up
12:04 AM Log it however you want then unmatch me if you want, I ain't gonna deny you your own chatlog and I'm DEFINITELY not giving you my email
12:05 AM good move
12:05 AM i sent a guy his mom’s name and home address yesterday with just his first name because he asked me to ruin his life god knows what i could find with your email
12:06 AM Believe it or not basically everything about me is above board
12:07 AM doesn’t matter
12:07 AM i could start sending guys to your house instead
12:07 AM  Like my mom's a respected professional in her field, I have good enough grades to go to grad school in mine, got a few production credits, and anyway I have at least 5 emails that I use regularly and my information is spread out between them
12:08 AM so why don’t i get your email then
12:08 AM Joke's still on you I don't even really have a permanent residence right now because I'm not setting down roots anywhere because I don't know what PhD program I'm going to yet
12:09 AM you should at least follow me on twitter
12:09 AM Eh you'd still get my email
12:09 AM also I don't even really have a twitter
12:09 AM I do have an account though where I wrote a bot to favorite every tweet containing the word "retribution"
12:09 AM it didn't get accepted
12:10 AM my next project is gonna be a Mastodon bot that'll tweet out every palindromic prime number in order, every half hour
12:10 AM wow you’re lamer than i thought
12:12 AM dude I'm a systems engineer who attracts fucked up, most interesting thing I've done is produce a few albums and also an application controlling the grades of 90 people (which will up to around 300 soon)
12:12 AM of course I'm lame
12:13 AM I literally haven't even tried to hide that
12:14 AM also none of this information will lead you to me, my name isn't on any of it
12:14 AM nor any pseudonym or other handle