ravagetalonToday at 8:15 PM
I'm showing you this because he claimed you are one of the only people to reach out to him lately. I want to know what you think. Lately Wolf has been quite aloof and its because he thinks no one wants him around. I basically gave him some tough love with this. Tell me if I'm out of line or what. For context, he got pissy in #sports on John's server a bit ago for a really childish reason in my eyes.
 *Enter screenshot of that long paragraph I wrote in BRRRT*

VilleneToday at 8:18 PM
He 'throws tantrums' like this several times per year. He did it in Reese's FF server and basically ostracized himself the same way and left and didn't get invited back
lemme finish before you say anything

ravagetalonToday at 8:18 PM
I held back referencing that episode with FFXIV... I didn't want to cut too deep.
go on

VilleneToday at 8:19 PM
you're right that he does have this notion of feeling loved through words, but words are one of the many languages of love and this is the language that Wolf understands where, for myself as an example, i respond to gestures
On your advice, as someone who suffers from depression, I can tell you that if you wrote that to me, I'd be really upset and feel misunderstood. I know you have observed it in JOhn but you can't just tell someone to "think differently" to cure their depression. It'd be like telling someone to "feel better" if they had cerebral palsy.
If you have acknowledged his language of love, why try teaching him your language of love? Why not just communicate in a way he understands? and YES, I wrote to him out of the blue, while sitting on the toilet i'm sure, because I saw a post he made on Facebook that he wasn't doing well and I just wanted to tell him that I was thinking of him. That's all it took. "I'm thinking of you"
I can't imagine how they hold it together, if I had to live with myself on my lowest days of the year, I wouldn't make it

ravagetalonToday at 8:23 PM
Maybe I don't understand. From my perspective, he has it in his head that the world revolves around him. Travis agrees. Several in John's server have made the same observation.

VilleneToday at 8:23 PM
I am lucky to only experience their level of hopelessnes, helplessness, and lovelessness a few days in the year
I'm not saying that's untrue, but clearly you have all observed his 'needs' and to you guys, they are obtuse or narcissistic. He likely needs therapy, just as John does, I'm not saying what he's going through is normal, but it is HIS normal.
He's not like you or me and he's not like John or Hannah or Kate or anyone else we know that suffers from depression because mental illness is shapeless and different for every person.
Your gestures are genuine and your time together is valid, it's the time spent apart from the voices where your own head voices tell you lies.
Just... drown out the lies, even if it seems silly.
Check-in every 3 days with just "Hey man" or a Corgi pic that says "Saw this, had to show you"
I used to set an alarm to tell them I loved them
it's THOSE small words that are the loudest gestures.
it IS in his head but it takes a certain level of intelligence to acknowledge that you have a problem and NO amount of intelligence can provide you with a solution. You just are.

ravagetalonToday at 8:32 PM
I don't know. Honestly the thing in Sports on John's channel, Where  he held a massive grudge over when most of us didn't want to root for his team in the World Series in 2017, really rubbed me the wrong way.
I'm just thinking.... Life is constant adversity.
you can't go through like thinking that everyone is against you personally

VilleneToday at 8:33 PM
You both will get over it, and you'll move on. Mood swings turn little things into big things, then it's over.
Mike, i hate to tell you it, but some people really do. Think about Wolf's age and thing about John's upbringing and how he is now. Imagine if he continued downhill for another decade
The best we can do for him and our friendship is to speak his language of love. Does it really hurt you any to pop in once a week and ask him how his day was? Does it subtract anything but a few seconds to send an emoji?
I literally message half of you guys while poopin'
(not right now)
It's a small effort to humor him or anyone who needs that kind of attention to feel appreciated and it could mean the world to them.
Think about the list of things you would do for Rachel without her EVER asking.
Lloyd told me he loved me minimum 3 times a day that he loved me. Did he? Probably. But he also never showed me. After years and year of him speaking the wrong language of love to me, I felt empty.
Wolf is just my opposite.

ravagetalonToday at 8:39 PM
So if I may make a counterpoint: How long does that need to go on? People have their own shit to deal with. Lately the lionshare of my mental energy has been spent on my own sanity and Rachel's.

VilleneToday at 8:39 PM
And i understand him even if I don't relate to him.
Well then Mike, you need to assess if the friendship is worth it or not.
And i truly hate to say that.

ravagetalonToday at 8:41 PM
I don't think I can see it that way. I've gone way out of my way to make wolf feel included in whatever we've been doing.

VilleneToday at 8:42 PM
You could stop talking to me for 6 months and pick up where we left off and I'd just be happy to have you back in my life. But I also have other distractions and social connections stimulating my need for people. You have a large pool too. Wolf doesn't have that pool. We're all he's got.

ravagetalonToday at 8:42 PM
His attitude comes off to me as pure entitlement.

VilleneToday at 8:42 PM
Then that is the way he rubs you.
I don't have advice for that.

ravagetalonToday at 8:43 PM
Its like this
I put the effort into the friendship.
He's not.
well, I can't say he doesn't entirely, but its a two way street.

VilleneToday at 8:44 PM
So it's a case of highway and a bike path; i get that too
I get that from a lot of people..

ravagetalonToday at 8:44 PM
I've invited him into my home, twice. Shown him a good time when he was here.

VilleneToday at 8:44 PM
and I choose how many of them I want to keep because I can't keep filling other people's glasses while they aint filling me back up.

ravagetalonToday at 8:45 PM
Maybe its the fact he's so isolated distance wise from the rest of us.

VilleneToday at 8:45 PM
I think that's a huge factor
Like i said, we have pools of people to get social interaction with and stimulation day to day. Even just being around each other and our spouses. He lives alone and he is alone and he's far from anyone to socialize with.
Think about it like math for a second...
If you have a happiness glass that holds 10 pennies
and you need to fill that glass by the end of the week
if you have 10 friends, they each need to contribute a penny per week for your glass to fill
but if you have 30 friends and family and coworkers that speak to you in a week, only 1/3 of them need to drop a penny in
Your odds of filling your glass are greater and it's not consistant
but if you only have 10 people in your life and 1/3 of them have the time to drop in a penny... you're sitting at less than half way
Some people just need a little extra care.
If you don't have it in you, I get it, but don't try to tell him that he just needs to "think more positively!" and he'll be happy.

ravagetalonToday at 8:52 PM
Shit. The last thing I want is to tell someone who despressed to "think more positively"

VilleneToday at 8:52 PM
Mike, that was the message i got out of your paragraph
that might not be what was intended and it's not about the delivery
but that is what -I- read
the ending was good

ravagetalonToday at 8:53 PM
Correct. Thats because I didn't understand that the attitude he was putting forth was a product of his specific type of depression. And the concept of Language of Love.

VilleneToday at 8:54 PM
Does that mean you feel like apologizing?

ravagetalonToday at 8:55 PM
I already have in a PM.

VilleneToday at 8:55 PM
Okay. nods

ravagetalonToday at 8:55 PM
I'm not sorry for the essence of what I said, because none of is is un true or not meaningful. I apologized because my lack of understanding tarnished the message.

VilleneToday at 8:56 PM
I hope it got through, then.
I know your words were sincere and straight forward. You can give someone tough love while speaking their language.

ravagetalonToday at 8:56 PM
I just hope he understands that.

VilleneToday at 8:57 PM
nods
a little bit goes a long way at the right time.
This about the pennies in the glass again. Imagine the grande gesture of having him to visit is worth like 20 damn pennies.
The glass only holds 10.
You've filled it, but it can only contain so much, even if it's spilling over.
Sometimes one penny at a time over time, like butter on bread, tastes better than a whole lot at once.
I hope I helped.