Talking Animal in Horseland v. 8, Protective Custody edition

>"Session three begin"
>"Subject: Anonymous"
::obtuse::
"ultsse," you gargled, still not quite able to get that magic muscle going that rendered unintelligible into intelligible.
>"No, I don't think that's the...Oh, right."  Momentarily confused whether she was answering your questions, or asking them instead, Yellowquiet cleared her head and throat before continuing.  "Ahem, 'What is this, some show of solidarity with the ham-fisted schemes of the younger sister of your commanding officer?'"
>"No, I fail to see what—“
>"Lieutenant, please," Yellowquiet interrupted  but without the towering disdain you had after two abortive sessions interrupted by Twilight's attempts to make herself part of the conversation.
>Left to himself, the investigating officer had no questions for you after she'd been shown the door.
>You don't know if the lieutenant was cowed by the scene, a dullard, a puppet, or a schemer, but this was getting you nowhere.
>"Go get Twilight, I insist. In fact, I refuse to commence this session without her."
>The window, cracked open for the breeze, was flung open from the outside, and one spysuit-clad Twilight Sparkle crawled into the room.
>"Gee, Twilight!" Ponka exclaimed, "This is the fourth floor!"
>"Never you mind that, Pinkie," she deflected.
>"Okay, Lieutenant Bumhole, will you be in charge of conducting this session, or will Twilight be taking the lead?” Fluttershy asked, sounding appropriately peevish on your behalf.
>"My name's not—“
>"Too bad!” she interrupted, but not without mouthing a silent apology.
>Yellowquiet takes a moment to breath, to prepare for the next half of your tirade.
>Seeing Twilight open her mouth to speak, Fluttershy quickly continues.
>“Maybe this investigation may determine that you'll be allowed your balls back at a later date, but for now you've ceded control of them *and* this session to Twilight."
>She quickly put a hoof to cover her mouth at the base vulgarity to escape her own mouth.

> You're just glad that Fluttershy had found some time to make amends with Twilight after that last business with the captain.
>You nodded almost imperceptibly to Twilight, still doffing her spysuit, with some assistance from Ponka.
>"Pinkie, will you verify for me that from hence forth the record shows that today's session, begun by Lt. Bumhole, is now being conducted by Twilight Sparkle, previously identified in the record as Purpleautism?"
>She renders a salute in acknowledgment.
>"Got it, Anonymous."
>She advances on a poor administrative-type guard in a predatory fashion, but you ignore them for now.
>"Well?" Fluttershy asks on your behalf.

>"Oh, right. Can you state your name, for the record?"
>Right, may as well get the softball questions out of the way.
>This may supposedly be an investigation regarding indignities suffered while in the custody of the Crown(s?), but she wouldn't let the opportunity to ask a few questions escape her.
>"No," Yellowquiet answered clearly and without equivocation.
>Twilight seemed nonplussed at that.
>"But—"
>"I have not given anyone my name. However, during my stay I have been designated Anonymous in official documentation, and I respond to this designation. It is not my name, however."
>You smiled at bit at seeing Fluttershy deliver those lines with confidence.
>Inwardly, that is.
>Attempting to smile right now would result in spittle dribbling out the corners of your mouth.
>"R~ight," Twilight answered in turn, drawing out the 'r' to properly convey her skepticism.

>"So, name: undesignated. Alias: Anonymous. Where do you come from?"
>"That's not germane to this discussion."
>You see her begin to object, but Fluttershy is able to forestall her.
>"Right, right, you decide what's relevant to the investigation. I decide whether or not to cooperate based on how reasonable you are. Your report has a conclusion, which your BBBFF Captain Shining Armor can choose to sign off on or reject, which in turn will be scrutinized by the princesses for evidence of collusion or other irregularities because of your relationship with him."
>Which in turn neglects to include the next level of scrutiny: whether the princesses were in control of their own military and/or civil police, when there exists no other organization to review them.
>Princess Luna was doing a good job of holding the captain to the fire, however.
>"So for the sake of more than your ego, try to limit whatever ridiculous questions you have, and I in turn will give answers as appropriate."
> You spare a moment to exchange a look with Yellowquiet.
::take a break::
>Clearing her throat, Yellowquiet took a moment before speaking again.
>"Ahem," she started. "I believe I could use a breath of air right about now.”
>That wooden delivery!
>She’s clearly not suited to telling lies of her own devising.
>“And some water," she added, emphasizing her thirst with a genuine dry swallow.
>With stiff, unnatural movements, she walked over to the window, before jumping out.
>"What?"

>Seeing the shock on Twilight's face, you could only laugh peels of silent laughter.
>Between tears of silent laughter you see Ponka with the some of the admin guard's paperwork, making annotations of her own.
>"Session, three, temporarily, suspended," she spoke, slowly speaking each word as she wrote it.
>Finishing with an expressive flourish and a definite period at the end, she had a look of satisfaction on her face that lasted until she looked up from her writing pad.
>"Do you have cloth ears, everypony?" she demanded.
>Punctuating each of her following words with a shove, she began chivvying ponies out the door.
>"Session." Shove. "Three." Shove. "Temporarily." Shove. "Suspended." Shove. "Go." Shove. "Have." Shove. "Fun!" Slam.
>In her zeal, she had even pushed the Night Guard out the door before slamming the door.
>You get up from the miniature chair with a groan.
>Like having a tea party with a diminutive female relative.
>You're just glad that Rarity delivered on that robe.
>Meant you could have discussions with ponies from outside your bed without flopping around face height for the ponies.
>May have been a floral print, but what the fuck?
>That's what hospital-wear is supposed to look like, right?
>With a groan, you find a comfortable patch of floor to lay down on.
>These deluxe private room beds are murder on your back.
>However, you're not on your back a minute before Ponka drops to the ground unceremoniously at your head.
>Glancing up at her, you decide to take her up on her unspoken offer, scooting yourself back to rest your head on her.
>Pink pony is best pillow.
>Though RaRaRa may very well be squishier, but she's not here right now.
>Your head rises and falls with the swell and exhale of Ponka's chest.
>"So why is it, Anonymous, that you only speak with Fluttershy?"
::It's a mystery to everyone::
>Not that she heard you.

>Someone was brightening your day, and with all the colors of the rainbow, if you take my meaning.
>It was Rainbow Dash.
>She was in your window.
>"Dashie, you know you aren't supposed to be here," Ponka said quite cheerfully, not even bothering to shift under you.
>"Why not? I saw Twilight hanging outside earlier, and next I see she's being invited in like she wasn't chased out twice already."
>She hops down from the sill to enter your private room.
>"And why are you here, anyways?" the technicolor cunt asks.
>She moves to touch your face, but Pinkie swats her hoof.
>"Anonymous here is a material witness in an ongoing investigation, and I'm watching him," Ponka said proudly, as though she hadn't hustled your actual night guard protector out the door earlier.
>"I don't see why they wouldn't ask me if they needed a physically superior pony capable of chasing down an escaped..."
>She struggled for a moment, before continuing.
>"...whatever this is," she concluded lamely.
>"Don't be silly, Rainbow Dash," Ponka dismissed with a laugh. "He's a medical patient. Besides, I caught him just fine during all of his previous 'flights from authority'."
>You decide to fan the flames by indicating three with your good hand, concealing your thumb and ring finger by touching the tips together.
>Drawing it down from upright, you point it at her like a gun, proceeding to 'fire' it at her, one eye closed to strike a jaunty figure.
>Pew! Pew! Pew! recoil action accompanying your silent mouthing of onomatopoeia.
>Technicolor Cunt looked chagrined at that.

>Unfortunately, or not, she had more than muscle for brains and thought better of trying anything while you were in protective custody.
>"Yeah, that sounds pretty lame."
>Already heading for the window, she spares you one last glance, before departing via the window, and not as an unguided projectile this time.
::Fuck you too, Rainbow Dash::
>Your head rising and falling with Pinkie Pie’s chest, you resumed your rest in peaceful comfort.
>"Yeah…” a contented voice quietly agreed to something imagined or unspoken.
>You turn sharply to look up at Ponka, but she just gives you a sleepy sanguine smile.

>Persistent as she was, Twilight didn’t manage to locate Yellowquiet before she returned all on her own.
>When asked where she went, she answered to the effect that she had heard the session went from on break to briefly suspended, and nopony told her what time it was to resume.
>She just decided to come back whenever, and hope it was the right time.
::Good job::

>"Session three resume."
>"Yes, interview conducted by Twilight Sparkle, with Guard Representative Lt. Bumhole in attendance."
>"That's not my—“
>"Not important right now, Lieutenant," Twilight interrupted, unwilling to let control of the situation slide from her grasp.
>"Before our break, you asked where I was from," Yellowquiet began. "I, over the course of the previous six months, emerged periodically from the direction of the Everfree Forest to visit Fluttershy, whose house borders its environs."
>"May I ask the nature of your visits?"
>"You may."
>beat
>"I can't help you ask intelligent questions, Twilight.”
>You tried to give Fluttershy a look for her unprompted suggestion, but she was focused on Twilight at the moment.
>"Oh! Right. How would you characterize the nature of your visits?"
>"Private. Personal. She helped me with some of my physical needs, and in turn..., well it's not relevant."

>"Would it be easier if I just told you what the conclusion of your investigation will be?"
>"I don't see how—”
>"I did it all myself!” Fluttershy admitted in a rush.
>“I'm a fraud!” she wailed, overcome with your words, hiding her face in her own hooves.  “Besmirching the good name of the Guard as a whole, the four currently under investigation! Your own BBBFF is set to lose face in the eyes of the princesses as a result!"
::What::
>“What,” Twilight stated, her dumbstruck words mirroring your own.
::too much::
>“I’m sorry,” Yellowquiet apologized.
>“Was that Anonymous’ admission, or your own?”
>“That was all Anonymous.  I sorta got carried away for a bit,” Banana Hush admitted, recovering with aplomb and looking a bit sheepish at her delivery.
>Twilight appeared equally suspicious and affronted at your words.
>“So how then was this accomplished?”
::tell words::
>“Well…” Fluttershy began.

>"From his own mouth, Brother!"
"Calm down, Twiley," you urged. "You're saying he has gained the use of his mouth again?"
>"Well, no," Twilight admitted. "It's still Fluttershy's words. Or 'Yellowquiet' as he terms her." Seeing you start again she quickly corrects herself. "Yes, it's also Fluttershy who says this."
"O-kay..."
>She angrily looks away from you, hearing your tone but thus doesn't stop her from proceeding with her results.
“It’s all a fraud.  There’s never a moment when access to the dungeons weren’t strictly controlled, with the guard recording all entries and exits with a written log.”

>You really don’t have anything to say to that.
“And is that all of it?” you ask lightly.
>“Not even close!  Not only is the record not there, the periodic patrols by the officer of the watch to ensure the posts are all being stood in accordance with all relevant rules and regulations of the guard.  These in turn are recorded by both the officer of the watch and …”
>You begin to let your eyes glaze over as she continues with rules and procedures wholly foreign to you.
>You honestly hope that the lieutenant you tasked with the investigation didn’t let his eyes simply pop out his head at the ridiculousness of it all.  Not during one of the sessions, anyways.
>However Twiley had managed to get the inside track on this, she really had no business in the investigation.
>“…th all these precautions, it’s clear—”
>She pauses to look you in the face, before stamping angrily to get your attention.
“Oh, sorry.  Please, continue”
>“As I was saying, it’s clear that while there is a marked difference between the intake and outgoing conditions of ‘Anonymous’, all interaction with the guards have been appropriate and well-documented.”

>You briefly imagine what would happen if you tried to sell that one before Princess Luna.
>Yeah, she’d like as not even pay a moment’s notice of your princely station, married as you were to the most extraneous of the princesses.
>Barely above that clotheshorse, Blueblood, all you had to your name was your well-earned reputation as Captain of the Royal Guard and now that was being called into question.
>Now this foolishness with your sister.

“Right, well done,” you said brightly, with an ease of confidence you didn’t feel.  “Very well done.  Now I need you to keep this quiet for now, a few more details to verify before we can get a preliminary draft prepared regarding any decision regarding disciplinary action.”
>”I don’t see why—”
“We’ve got to observe all the procedures here, to deny no one the protections they are entitled to under the law,” you smoothly cut in, hoping to impress upon her your sincerity and earnest concern.
>Frustrated, brow knit, she’s looking anywhere but at you, perhaps expecting to find an answer in the tiles of the floor or the drapes of the window.
>You see her gather herself up, seeming to swell as she inhales deeply.
>“Ah-Okay,” she admitted, deflating and shrinking in the process.
“It’s for the best, Twiley.”
>As she left the room, you almost sank to the floor in relief, like a puppet with its strings cut.
>You see no conceivable way this could play out well.