pottersvile

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["Christmas Time" by
The Debonaires plays]

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♪ Now, the snow is falling ♪

3
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:27,027
♪ It's Christmas time again ♪

4
00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:35,953
♪ For the end of December
When the weather's getting chilly ♪

5
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:39,957
♪ The little boys and girls
Party willy, willy nilly ♪

6
00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:44,211
♪ But most of all
When snow days fall ♪

7
00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:46,838
♪ They know it's Christmas ♪

8
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,007
♪ Christmas time ♪

9
00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:53,845
♪ When mother's in the kitchen
Stuffing turkey ♪

10
00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:58,267
♪ And little baby sister's
Acting like kinda perky ♪

11
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:02,145
♪ But most of all
When snow days fall ♪

12
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:04,022
♪ They know it's Christmas ♪

13
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,942
♪ Christmas time ♪

14
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:11,405
♪ Snowflakes are falling ♪

15
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♪ Falling all around ♪

16
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♪ May they keep on falling ♪

17
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♪ 'Til they cover the ground ♪

18
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♪ You start to get in the spirit
My baby get jiggy ♪

19
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:33,969
♪ As we trim
The Christmas tree ♪

20
00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:38,015
♪ But most of all
When snowflakes fall ♪

21
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♪ They know it's Christmas ♪

22
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:42,185
♪ Christmas time ♪

23
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:47,149
♪ Snowflakes are falling ♪

24
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♪ Falling all around ♪

25
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♪ May they keep on falling ♪

26
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♪ I know it's Christmas ♪

27
00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:03,457
♪ Christmas
Christmas ♪

28
00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:09,296
♪ Christmas Time ♪

29
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[wind blowing]

30
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[bell dinging]

31
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-No, Samuel, not today.
-Please?

32
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,516
That's $47.50.

33
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:51,064
Maynard, I know our tab is pretty high,
but is there any way that we could...?

34
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:52,941
Oh, yeah, of course.

35
00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:55,569
I'm sorry, it's just...
as soon as Bill finds a job...

36
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,571
It's not a problem.
I'll just write it down.

37
00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,030
-You sure?
-Yeah.

38
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:02,868
It's just with the darn mill closing
and it being the holidays and all.

39
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,120
I understand. It's tough on everybody.

40
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:08,790
Thank you so much.

41
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,208
Don't worry about it.

42
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,006
Hey, Sam.

43
00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:18,008
Here you go, buddy.

44
00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:20,260
-Thanks, Maynard.
-You bet ya.

45
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:22,179
Thank you.

46
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[Parker clears her throat]

47
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:31,563
You're a good man, May.

48
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,649
What are you gonna do?
The kid wanted a candy bar.

49
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,651
You know what I'm talking about.

50
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,112
Any coffee back there?

51
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:41,406
Two coffees coming up.

52
00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:55,378
[bells ringing]

53
00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:58,048
[sniffs, sighs]

54
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,759
Old cedar and fresh flowers.

55
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:02,928
Never get tired of the smell in here.

56
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,431
Afternoon, Bart. What you got?

57
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,058
I got elk steaks.

58
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,142
I got squab.

59
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,436
I got... wild boar.

60
00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:15,440
-Is there anything you can't catch?
-Yeah, a break.

61
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,317
You interested?

62
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,194
You know, Connie loves these elk steaks.

63
00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:21,196
She'd kill me
if I didn't bring something home.

64
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:22,739
I was kind of counting on that.

65
00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:24,074
Hi, Parker.

66
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,408
Hello, Bart.

67
00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:28,620
Here you go.

68
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,707
You still making that stuff?
Moonshine will drive you crazy.

69
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:34,793
The way I look at it,

70
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:38,922
we live on this tiny little rock that's
flying through the blackness of space

71
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,841
at about, what, 60,000 miles an hour?

72
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:43,009
And there's only
one damn way to get off it.

73
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:45,804
If that thought don't make you crazy,
I don't know what the hell will.

74
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,433
I guess you're right.
Never thought of it that way.

75
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:53,562
That's because you spend most of your time
stuck standing behind this counter.

76
00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:56,898
You need to get out, Maynard,
and breathe some life.

77
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:59,067
I suppose I do. I suppose I do.

78
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,944
It all goes by in a flash, pal.

79
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:04,698
I mean, trust me, one day you'll wake up
and go, "Where the hell did it all go?"

80
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,869
For the next time you
wanna get a little crazy.

81
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,205
All right. Thanks.

82
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:14,916
-So, just the elk steaks?
-That'll do it.

83
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:18,253
Tell that pretty little wife of yours
she has excellent taste.

84
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:19,379
Will do.

85
00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:21,715
Old cedar and fresh flowers, I love it.

86
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,717
Love it!

87
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,061
Hey, Park, you mind doing me a favor?

88
00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:36,605
Of course. What's up?

89
00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:39,357
You mind closing up tonight,
running to the bank?

90
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:41,860
What happened, your house on fire?

91
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,488
I just wanna surprise Connie, you know?

92
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,325
Go home, grill up these steaks.

93
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,452
A nice bottle of wine.

94
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:51,912
Some flowers.

95
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,623
Breathe a little life.

96
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,291
Sweet, Maynard.

97
00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,043
Yeah, I'll close up.

98
00:06:58,627 --> 00:06:59,628
[Maynard] All right.

99
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:02,047
Great.

100
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:04,299
Great.

101
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:08,345
["Jingle All the Way"
Playing on radio]

102
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:18,063
♪ Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh ♪

103
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:22,567
♪ O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way ♪

104
00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:27,072
♪ Bells on bob tails ring
Making spirits bright ♪

105
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:39,626
Hey, honey.

106
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:45,465
Now don't have a heart attack,
but I decided to cut out a little early.

107
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,426
Wanted to spend a nice,
romantic evening with you.

108
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:53,890
I hope you're hungry, 'cause I got
a little something special planned for us.

109
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,477
Connie, you here?

110
00:07:58,395 --> 00:08:00,981
[soft howling]

111
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:02,357
No way.

112
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:04,234
Did she get a puppy?

113
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[dog howling]

114
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:14,619
[Connie]
Maynard?

115
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,579
Connie? What's going on?

116
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,540
What are you doing here?

117
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:21,835
In my home?

118
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,211
No, I mean now.

119
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,672
I wanted to surprise you.

120
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:30,051
[Sheriff Jack]
You know, I'm just gonna take off.

121
00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:31,261
Jack?

122
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:34,097
-Is that...? What's going on?
-I can explain this.

123
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:37,350
You can explain
why you're dressed up like a rabbit

124
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,185
and having sex with a squirrel?

125
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:41,396
-I'm a wolf.
-We don't have sex.

126
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,857
That's right. According to the club,
you can't even have sex.

127
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:48,695
-Club? What club is this?
-Well, it's the kind of club where--

128
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:51,156
You-dress-up-like-a-squirrel-
and-have-sex-my-wife club?

129
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,532
I'm a wolf.

130
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,367
How many people are in the club?

131
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:58,413
Well, in the tri-county area
we got... what is it, 32?

132
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,833
Look, I've been meaning
to talk to you for a while.

133
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:03,918
A while?
How long has this been going on?

134
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:07,964
That's not important, Maynard.
What is important is that I'm bored.

135
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:11,176
Get a hobby!
Learn to knit, do macramé.

136
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:13,470
-Are you kidding me?
-We don't do anything!

137
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,848
We don't go anywhere!
I need some excitement in my life!

138
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:20,060
So instead of talking to me about it,
somewhere in your brain,

139
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,895
the thing that makes sense,
is to go out

140
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,022
and have sex with a squirrel?

141
00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,273
I'm a wolf!

142
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,442
[howls]

143
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:30,862
Get it? It doesn't make any sense
as a squirrel!

144
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:31,988
It's gotta be a wolf!

145
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,615
Jack, we have been friends forever.

146
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:34,699
I know.

147
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:39,913
That's why I'm gonna need
to ask a favor of you.

148
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,289
Sure thing, whatever you need, buddy.

149
00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:43,208
You know, I'm kind of a big deal
in this town

150
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:46,419
and don't think it'd be good
if people knew I was a furry.

151
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:48,379
What's a furry?

152
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,382
Furry. It's this club we belong to.

153
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:54,719
Well, don't 32 other people already know?

154
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,722
Seriously, Maynard, okay?
I'm gonna need your word on this.

155
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,979
I think we need to take some time apart
and think about what we really want.

156
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:14,739
Maynard! Maynard! You're gonna
have to keep a tight lip on this.

157
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:17,909
I'm kind of a big deal around here.

158
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:22,747
-Well, I am.
-I know.

159
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:26,042
["We Wish You a Merry Christmas"
with Alvin and the Chipmunks plays]

160
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:29,754
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

161
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:32,173
♪ And a happy new year ♪

162
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:38,680
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy new year ♪

163
00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:43,685
[chipmunks on radio]
Merry Christmas everybody!

164
00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:57,198
You're still here.

165
00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,951
I was just about to call it a night.

166
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,996
That's why you're the best.

167
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:04,747
Are you drunk?

168
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:11,004
First time since my wedding night,
and we all know how that turned out.

169
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,464
I don't understand.
What happened?

170
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:16,342
Well...

171
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,888
I went out to breathe some life...

172
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,850
and then life decided
to take a poop on my face.

173
00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:27,937
So, I ended up breathing poop instead.

174
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,857
Rabbit and squirrel poop, to be precise.

175
00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:33,276
What? Maynard,
you're not making any sense.

176
00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:36,946
You're right!
Because he wasn't a squirrel.

177
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,699
He was a wolf!
He's a wolf.

178
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:43,161
[howls in high pitch]

179
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:48,166
Doesn't work if he's a squirrel.
It only works if he's a wolf.

180
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,127
Sorry for the confusion.
It was a wolf.

181
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,670
Let's make you some coffee.

182
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:56,382
-No, I want my moonshine.
-Okay.

183
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,176
Bart gave me this.

184
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:08,895
This stuff is making me crazy.

185
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:12,023
-No argument here.
-It's okay, Parker.

186
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:17,779
'Cause you gotta get crazy sometime,
because of the speeding little rock.

187
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,955
-You want some?
-No, I think I'm good.

188
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,290
Let's get you home.

189
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:33,711
I don't have a home.

190
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:38,800
Of course you do
and Connie's gonna be worried sick.

191
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,134
There's no Connie.

192
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:46,516
She's been replaced
by the Easter Bunny's evil twin

193
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:51,271
She left me.

194
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:52,897
What?

195
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:56,442
Yeah.

196
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,363
Oh, Maynard.

197
00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,367
I'm so sorry.

198
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:08,746
Is there anything that...?

199
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,332
Is there anything that I can...?

200
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:15,586
No.

201
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,047
I just wanna sit here.

202
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:21,259
Let me take you back to my place.

203
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,511
It's fine.

204
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:26,306
It's fine.

205
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,142
I just wanna be here alone...

206
00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:32,937
think about wolves, and rocks, and stuff.

207
00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,398
You sure you don't want me
to stay with you?

208
00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:37,525
Let me ask you a question.

209
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,235
This is very important.

210
00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:40,778
Okay.

211
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,532
Do you belong to a furry sex club?

212
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:46,743
I think you'll be fine by yourself.

213
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,371
-It's important to me.
-Yeah.

214
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:53,916
I don't want you to wind up
like a furry animal sex freak.

215
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,461
I'm gonna come back
first thing in the morning, okay?

216
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:59,088
And you do me a favor and get some rest.

217
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:01,716
Okay?

218
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:18,024
[howls]

219
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,236
You were right, my friend.

220
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,449
Here's to going crazy.

221
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,392
All right...

222
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:56,437
I'll play freaky forest animals with ya.

223
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:05,840
You know what a gorilla
would do to a bunny,

224
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,718
or a squirrel, or whatever?

225
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,929
Eat them alive!

226
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,791
[Parker] Maynard? [gasps]

227
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:42,752
Oh! Maynard, you should get up!

228
00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:45,838
Okay? I'll just-- I'll shut the door.

229
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:47,089
Bunny.

230
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:48,674
Squirrels.

231
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:50,134
Gorilla.

232
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,016
What are all these people doing here?

233
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,101
[announcer on radio]
And now, for a story on a...

234
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:00,102
You gotta see this.

235
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:03,814
We go out live to Stacy Gutierrez
for a special report.

236
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,858
-Stacy.
-Thanks, John.

237
00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:09,070
Hi, this is Stacy Gutierrez,

238
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:14,867
live in front of the once thriving,
but now abandoned, Pottersville Mill.

239
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:17,245
I'm here with the local townsfolk

240
00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:22,416
who claim to have witnessed what
they're calling, well, a Bigfoot sighting.

241
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:24,794
So, tell me, what did you see?

242
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,296
Well, we were all out in the woods
smoking a...

243
00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:28,631
You know, hanging out.

244
00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:31,175
When all of a sudden
this big, huge, hairy thing

245
00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:32,969
comes running by, screaming.

246
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,304
We were like,
"Hey, how stoned are you?"

247
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:42,645
And then we realized we all saw it,
and we were like... "cool."

248
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:46,274
I was upstairs dozing off
when I heard her scream.

249
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:49,443
I heard this ruckus in the backyard
and looked out the window

250
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:52,488
and I saw this... thing,
chasing a bunny.

251
00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:54,365
[man]
I come running down the stairs,

252
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:57,827
turned on the back porch lights
and there it was.

253
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,496
We saw it. Squatch.

254
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,374
[Stacy Gutierrez] You've lived here
your entire life, correct?

255
00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,209
[man] Yes, ma'am, I have.

256
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,232
[Gutierrez] Have you ever seen
anything like this before?

257
00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:10,965
No, ma'am. Like the kid said,
it was a big, hairy thing.

258
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:14,010
Sort of half man, half gorilla.

259
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:17,555
You know, like them cavemen
you see in the picture books...

260
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:19,974
that ain't quite evolved yet.

261
00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:23,311
And all that chasing the bunny
must have made him pretty thirsty,

262
00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:27,440
'cause he was out there in our
little boy peeing fountain drinking.

263
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:31,027
I mean, literally, the little boy
was peeing right in his mouth.

264
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,153
[Gutierrez]
Then what happened?

265
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,406
[man] Then he just disappeared
into the darkness.

266
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,742
-There you have it, John.
-Can you believe that?

267
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,911
-A pretty incredible story.
-Yeah, that's something.

268
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:42,747
Bigfoot, right here, in our own backyard.

269
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:45,750
I might have to come up there to try
and catch a glimpse of him myself.

270
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:46,876
That sucks.

271
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,711
-[Gutierrez] You should!
-[both laugh]

272
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,338
I'll be right back.

273
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,048
Is everything...?

274
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:37,009
Sir, I'm sorry.
Can you pick up, please?

275
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,136
Is he here?

276
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,555
We have a bit of an emergency
going on right now, Maynard.

277
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,349
Trust me, he's gonna
want to hear about this.

278
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:44,684
All right. Go ahead.

279
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,769
Ma'am, can you repeat that, please?

280
00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:48,604
Sure. Absolutely.

281
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:57,029
Yeah, well, we could either do it here
in my office, or go out to Phoebe's Knob.

282
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,614
Four o'clock. Thank you.

283
00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:01,367
I was gonna talk to you, man, I promise,

284
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:04,078
but things are nuts
around here this morning.

285
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:05,287
Yeah.

286
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,416
Maynard, I'm not
having an affair with Connie.

287
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:10,876
It's just about the club.

288
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,754
I mean, hell, that could've been anybody
from the club up in your bedroom.

289
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:17,133
Thanks. I feel a lot better now.

290
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,051
There's nothing romantic.
I'd never do that.

291
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:21,345
It's just about the costumes.

292
00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:24,432
Speaking of costumes...

293
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:26,851
Sheriff, sorry to interrupt,

294
00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:30,312
but there's a producer from
some television show on the phone for you.

295
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,816
Thanks, Tammy.
Look, I've gotta take this. But...

296
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:35,401
We're okay, right?

297
00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:38,654
Hey, I'm never gonna
rub the bunny again. I promise.

298
00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,824
-I gotta show you something.
-I gotta take this.

299
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,909
Everybody's apeshit
over this Bigfoot business.

300
00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:46,245
Later, okay? We'll talk later, all right?

301
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:50,750
Hello. Yeah, this is Sheriff Clark.

302
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:52,710
-Okay.
-Yeah.

303
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:53,836
Hi, how are you?

304
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:57,715
Good to hear your voice as well.

305
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:03,012
Well, let's see.
Maybe we can make something work...

306
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:14,482
Just the man we were looking for.

307
00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:16,275
We were wondering
if you could do us a favor.

308
00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:19,695
Now, we've been researching this whole
Bigfoot thing, and people really love him.

309
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:20,654
It's true.

310
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:24,241
He's been around for centuries,
and people on every continent

311
00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:27,995
and that speak every language,
they just can't get enough of this guy.

312
00:21:28,162 --> 00:21:30,790
Yeah, so we've decided to get
into the Bigfoot business.

313
00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:34,168
We're gonna start this
whole cottage industry...

314
00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:37,713
Bigfoot t-shirts, hats, bumper stickers,
baby onesies, you name it.

315
00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:41,175
Everything. We were just wondering
if we could sell some stuff in your store?

316
00:21:43,177 --> 00:21:44,136
So, what do you think?

317
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:51,602
Sure, fellas.
Whatever you need.

318
00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:54,313
Awesome.

319
00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:55,481
Thanks.

320
00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:00,653
-Hey.
-Hey.

321
00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:04,114
I was wanting to talk to you
about last night. I've been thinking--

322
00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:06,492
I know we need to talk, Maynard,
I just can't right now.

323
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:07,952
I've got something to do.

324
00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:11,372
-What's more important than--
-Bigfoot.

325
00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:14,250
Seriously? You believe in all that?

326
00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:16,043
Are you kidding me?

327
00:22:16,627 --> 00:22:17,670
I love it.

328
00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:20,714
It's the most exciting thing
to happen to this town for decades.

329
00:22:32,532 --> 00:22:34,144
[Connie, voice-over]
It's is the most exciting thing

330
00:22:34,270 --> 00:22:35,768
to happen to this town for decades.

331
00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:37,815
[Bart, voice-over] Stuck standing
behind this counter.

332
00:22:37,982 --> 00:22:38,983
You need to get out, Maynard!

333
00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:40,734
[Tony]
Just the man we were looking for.

334
00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:43,279
[Norm] ...this whole Bigfoot thing,
and people really love him.

335
00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:45,531
[Sheriff Jack] Everybody's apeshit
over this Bigfoot business.

336
00:22:45,614 --> 00:22:48,367
[TV announcer] Wow. Bigfoot, right here,
in our own backyard.

337
00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:51,370
["Sleigh Ride"
with the Andrews Sisters plays]

338
00:22:51,579 --> 00:22:56,208
♪ We're going on a sleigh ride
All together, let’s go get in ♪

339
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:04,550
♪ Just hear those sleigh bells jingling,
Ring ting tingling too ♪

340
00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:07,177
♪ Come on its lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you ♪

341
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:08,846
[Gutierrez]
How tall would you say that he was?

342
00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:11,557
I saw him from the front
and he was big.

343
00:23:12,099 --> 00:23:14,184
♪ ... And friends are calling
"Yoo hoo" ♪

344
00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:19,106
♪ Come on its lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you ♪

345
00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:21,901
♪ Giddy up, giddy up
Giddy up, let's go ♪

346
00:23:22,109 --> 00:23:24,153
Just more of grunts or growls?

347
00:23:24,528 --> 00:23:25,863
It's like Sasquatch language.

348
00:23:26,113 --> 00:23:30,075
♪ We're riding in
A wonderland of snow ♪

349
00:23:30,159 --> 00:23:31,869
Thank you, ladies.
Enjoy your stay in Pottersville.

350
00:23:32,286 --> 00:23:35,581
♪ Giddy up it's grand
Just holding your hand ♪

351
00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:39,877
♪ As we glide along, sing a song
Of a wintry fairy land ♪

352
00:23:40,127 --> 00:23:43,964
♪ Our cheeks are nice and rosy
And comfy cozy are we ♪

353
00:23:45,299 --> 00:23:47,635
[Bigfoot screams]

354
00:23:49,595 --> 00:23:53,849
♪ Let's take that road before us
And sing a chorus or two ♪

355
00:23:53,974 --> 00:23:58,562
♪ Come on its lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you ♪

356
00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:05,402
Merry Christmas, Bigfoot!

357
00:24:13,786 --> 00:24:16,121
If this keeps up,
we're gonna need to hire some help.

358
00:24:16,580 --> 00:24:19,792
It's kind of nice, isn't it?
All these new people visiting the town?

359
00:24:21,585 --> 00:24:22,836
Oh my God! Guys! Come quick!

360
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,005
-What's going on?
-Come on! You're not gonna believe it!

361
00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:38,686
Brock!

362
00:24:41,814 --> 00:24:43,273
Monsters are here!

363
00:24:43,524 --> 00:24:44,525
Land it here!

364
00:24:47,903 --> 00:24:49,154
Who's that?

365
00:24:49,655 --> 00:24:52,616
You've never seen his show?
Oh, it's awesome.

366
00:24:53,033 --> 00:24:54,952
Each week he goes after some monster...

367
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:58,163
Loch Ness, Chupacabra,
the Abominable Snowman.

368
00:24:58,664 --> 00:24:59,957
This dude's amazing!

369
00:25:04,086 --> 00:25:07,172
There's a rumor floating around that
there may be a Sasquatch in these parts.

370
00:25:08,674 --> 00:25:10,426
Exactly. Follow me on Twitter.

371
00:25:15,806 --> 00:25:18,017
For starters, let's see a show of hands...

372
00:25:19,018 --> 00:25:21,645
How many of you
have actually seen the Squatch?

373
00:25:22,980 --> 00:25:25,941
Wow. What about you, love?
What exactly did you see?

374
00:25:26,191 --> 00:25:29,403
I was about to get in my car
and whoosh...

375
00:25:29,486 --> 00:25:30,696
he ran right in front of me.

376
00:25:30,779 --> 00:25:32,531
He must have been ten feet tall.

377
00:25:33,073 --> 00:25:34,700
-He was as big as a tree.
-Three meters.

378
00:25:34,867 --> 00:25:37,995
I saw him out at Grasshopper Hill,
and if Millie says he was ten feet tall,

379
00:25:38,078 --> 00:25:41,081
I gotta say he was even bigger.
I think he was as big as a house.

380
00:25:43,834 --> 00:25:45,169
Did Connie enjoy her elk?

381
00:25:46,628 --> 00:25:49,798
Well, she's been enjoying
all kinds of animals lately.

382
00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:57,765
From everything I've heard,
it sounds to me

383
00:25:58,098 --> 00:26:00,851
like we should start our search
at the Grasshopper Hill.

384
00:26:01,852 --> 00:26:04,229
If any of you would like to join us,
despite the peril,

385
00:26:04,730 --> 00:26:05,773
we could use your help.

386
00:26:05,981 --> 00:26:07,316
I could form a search party.

387
00:26:08,150 --> 00:26:09,860
Much obliged, sheriff. Cheers.

388
00:26:10,110 --> 00:26:11,153
Cheers back to you.

389
00:26:12,154 --> 00:26:13,405
I'm a huge fan of you.

390
00:26:13,489 --> 00:26:16,325
I'm gonna get you an autograph.
Remind me to get him an autograph.

391
00:26:17,326 --> 00:26:19,286
-Don't forget.
-Oh my God.

392
00:26:19,912 --> 00:26:22,414
Well, well, this is quite a turn out.

393
00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:25,584
Sheriff, if you don't mind.

394
00:26:28,003 --> 00:26:32,216
All right folks, I want you to
spread out and form a single-file line.

395
00:26:32,841 --> 00:26:34,885
A single-file line, people.

396
00:26:35,177 --> 00:26:36,595
Now, these are not toys.

397
00:26:36,970 --> 00:26:38,597
Not a toy. All right?

398
00:26:38,889 --> 00:26:43,060
These are only to be used if you find
something or run into some evidence.

399
00:26:43,519 --> 00:26:46,188
And if you do, make sure
you don't touch anything.

400
00:26:46,271 --> 00:26:47,898
Do not touch anything.

401
00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:50,943
-Is there an echo out here?
-Sorry.

402
00:26:51,026 --> 00:26:52,152
Showtime.

403
00:26:57,116 --> 00:26:58,867
One for you and for you, nice lady.

404
00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:23,809
[whistle blows]

405
00:27:27,771 --> 00:27:28,897
What did you find?

406
00:27:29,231 --> 00:27:31,150
Well, I saw this, but I didn't know if...

407
00:27:31,233 --> 00:27:34,236
Dang it, Jasper, it's just a dead deer.

408
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,073
Did I not tell you
that these were not toys?

409
00:27:38,157 --> 00:27:39,283
I know, but...

410
00:27:39,533 --> 00:27:41,577
Are you stoned, Jasper?

411
00:27:42,035 --> 00:27:44,204
Because I swear, I will drag you
down to the station,

412
00:27:44,329 --> 00:27:47,791
-and I will drug test your butt.
-He will drug test your butt.

413
00:27:48,584 --> 00:27:50,377
Wait, wait, look here.

414
00:27:56,758 --> 00:27:58,385
That is very interesting, isn't it?

415
00:27:59,469 --> 00:28:01,013
Very interesting indeed.

416
00:28:03,182 --> 00:28:05,058
Do you see how the leg
is snapped back there?

417
00:28:07,561 --> 00:28:10,063
-Only a Squatch would do that.
-Or a hole.

418
00:28:10,439 --> 00:28:11,565
What's that, then?

419
00:28:11,899 --> 00:28:15,194
Probably stepped in a hole,
broke its leg and died from exposure.

420
00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:23,035
For your information,
this type of injury is mostly seen

421
00:28:23,368 --> 00:28:26,246
amongst the deer of the
Mt. Tamborine region of Queensland,

422
00:28:26,622 --> 00:28:28,290
caused by the Australian Yowie.

423
00:28:29,041 --> 00:28:30,959
I have heard of rare instances

424
00:28:31,460 --> 00:28:33,503
where it's been done
by its North American cousin...

425
00:28:34,671 --> 00:28:35,589
The Bigfoot.

426
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,884
But I've never seen it before
with my own eyes...

427
00:28:39,593 --> 00:28:40,719
until right now.

428
00:28:42,763 --> 00:28:46,183
So, thanks for the input, mate, but...
I think I'm the expert here.

429
00:28:47,643 --> 00:28:48,644
Now, now.

430
00:28:49,728 --> 00:28:51,396
This was definitely a Squatch.

431
00:28:55,275 --> 00:28:57,069
Spike, we'll go one more
as a promo, yeah?

432
00:28:57,277 --> 00:28:59,529
-Great idea.
-Keep me in like a cowboy, yeah?

433
00:28:59,613 --> 00:29:00,572
You got me?

434
00:29:00,864 --> 00:29:01,865
Three, two...

435
00:29:06,161 --> 00:29:07,829
There's definitely
a Squatch in these woods.

436
00:29:10,666 --> 00:29:12,918
One more. I'm gonna do the spectacles
because it's kind of neat.

437
00:29:13,877 --> 00:29:14,920
Change up.

438
00:29:15,254 --> 00:29:16,213
Three, two...

439
00:29:18,423 --> 00:29:20,300
There's definitely
a Squatch in these woods.

440
00:29:20,509 --> 00:29:23,470
I didn't love that one.
I'm gonna go one more time. And...

441
00:29:25,097 --> 00:29:27,641
Really be with me on when "There's
a Squatch in the woods," yeah?

442
00:29:28,058 --> 00:29:29,101
All right.

443
00:29:31,061 --> 00:29:31,979
Action.

444
00:29:33,272 --> 00:29:34,898
There's definitely
a Squatch in these woods.

445
00:29:35,941 --> 00:29:37,693
-That one. Great.
-Yeah.

446
00:29:37,776 --> 00:29:39,319
Now where do we get a Foster's?

447
00:29:41,196 --> 00:29:43,240
Foster's. It's Australian for beer.

448
00:29:44,032 --> 00:29:45,284
Oh, beer.

449
00:29:46,952 --> 00:29:49,037
So, what do you do now, Mr. Masterson?

450
00:29:49,329 --> 00:29:50,789
Now we must track the beast.

451
00:29:51,873 --> 00:29:55,335
We must venture out at night.
Alone. That's very important.

452
00:29:56,211 --> 00:29:59,381
The Squatch is a primarily
nocturnal creature.

453
00:30:00,215 --> 00:30:01,591
It will be incredibly dangerous,

454
00:30:02,050 --> 00:30:07,222
but we must strive to get some
film or photographic evidence of it.

455
00:30:07,597 --> 00:30:09,308
So, are we actually gonna be on TV?

456
00:30:09,599 --> 00:30:12,686
Unless anybody's got a problem
with this town being... famous.

457
00:30:16,690 --> 00:30:20,277
I'm not sure how many of you saw
my adventure into to the Himalaya

458
00:30:20,694 --> 00:30:22,237
to search of the Yeti?

459
00:30:22,321 --> 00:30:23,363
You were so brave.

460
00:30:24,072 --> 00:30:29,077
Do you ever dress up like
the animals you're in search of?

461
00:30:29,661 --> 00:30:31,413
You know, like camouflage?

462
00:30:31,872 --> 00:30:34,916
Can't say that I have,
but I like your thinking.

463
00:30:35,834 --> 00:30:38,170
Somebody get me a net,
I think I found a mermaid.

464
00:30:39,671 --> 00:30:40,881
She's not. She's got legs.

465
00:30:42,007 --> 00:30:46,011
I wrote a little song
about my quest for the Yeti,

466
00:30:46,094 --> 00:30:48,847
and I don't suppose you'd like me
to play for you right now, would you?

467
00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:50,098
No, I couldn't.

468
00:30:55,854 --> 00:30:57,731
This is dedicated to Nelson Mandela.

469
00:31:01,193 --> 00:31:02,069
Sorry.

470
00:31:02,277 --> 00:31:04,029
Always chokes me up. Thank you.

471
00:31:05,822 --> 00:31:08,742
-Hey, I need to--
-Not now, Maynard.

472
00:31:09,326 --> 00:31:10,535
Brock is about to sing.

473
00:31:14,456 --> 00:31:16,541
[Brock Masterson singing]
♪ I took a trek on the outer ridge ♪

474
00:31:16,625 --> 00:31:18,960
♪ Saw many amazing things ♪

475
00:31:19,961 --> 00:31:21,755
♪ I crossed land and water and bridge ♪

476
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:25,175
♪ Like a bird without its wings ♪

477
00:31:25,801 --> 00:31:27,844
♪ And then days and days of searching ♪

478
00:31:28,387 --> 00:31:29,846
♪ All hope was lost in sight ♪

479
00:31:30,597 --> 00:31:32,391
♪ My body tired and lurching ♪

480
00:31:32,891 --> 00:31:36,269
♪ I gathered up my might ♪

481
00:31:40,065 --> 00:31:41,608
♪ And there it was in the distance ♪

482
00:31:42,943 --> 00:31:44,611
♪ Wandering amongst the trees ♪

483
00:31:45,821 --> 00:31:47,572
♪ It left me in a magical trance ♪

484
00:31:49,699 --> 00:31:52,577
♪ My one and only Yeti ♪

485
00:31:52,661 --> 00:31:54,538
♪ Oh my Yeti ♪

486
00:31:56,123 --> 00:32:00,001
♪ You strange and wonderful beast ♪

487
00:32:01,711 --> 00:32:03,880
♪ Oh Yeti
Oh Yeti ♪

488
00:32:03,964 --> 00:32:06,425
♪ Oh my Yeti ♪

489
00:32:08,051 --> 00:32:09,094
♪ We shared one moment ♪

490
00:32:10,679 --> 00:32:12,013
♪ At least ♪

491
00:32:12,973 --> 00:32:16,184
There's a lot more verses,
but I'm not gonna bore you with that.

492
00:32:16,935 --> 00:32:18,603
I couldn't possibly.

493
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:22,149
I did write a poem about the Chupacabra.

494
00:32:22,858 --> 00:32:24,109
[loud screeching]

495
00:32:29,448 --> 00:32:31,074
Now, you all know who I am.

496
00:32:32,325 --> 00:32:33,535
What I do for a living.

497
00:32:34,035 --> 00:32:36,204
If you really wanna
put this town on the map...

498
00:32:36,705 --> 00:32:39,332
be world famous,
flooded with tourists...

499
00:32:39,708 --> 00:32:43,420
We gotta be the first to catch
this Bigfoot, or Squatch,

500
00:32:43,545 --> 00:32:45,338
or Yeti... whatever you call it.

501
00:32:45,422 --> 00:32:47,632
Well, I'll catch this bird for you,
but it won't be easy.

502
00:32:47,716 --> 00:32:51,386
It won't be like catching a squirrel
or a cute little bunny rabbit.

503
00:32:52,304 --> 00:32:53,555
And it won't be pleasant.

504
00:32:53,638 --> 00:32:56,099
But you all gotta make up your minds
about something.

505
00:32:56,224 --> 00:32:59,478
I mean, do you wanna go back
to being the same old, boring town,

506
00:32:59,811 --> 00:33:03,440
or be the Pottersville that
the whole world knows about?

507
00:33:04,524 --> 00:33:06,693
'Cause I'll find him. I'll catch him.

508
00:33:08,028 --> 00:33:11,281
And it'll give you a hell of a lot more
than one TV show.

509
00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:16,703
Thanks Bart,
we'll take that into consideration.

510
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:21,208
Think about it.

511
00:33:22,375 --> 00:33:23,627
Let me know.

512
00:33:24,419 --> 00:33:25,295
Sheriff.

513
00:33:26,755 --> 00:33:28,465
Mr. Singing Television Man.

514
00:33:30,217 --> 00:33:31,343
Ladies and gentlemen.

515
00:33:42,312 --> 00:33:43,730
Connie, please don't say anything.

516
00:33:44,147 --> 00:33:46,942
Okay? I just need you to sit there
for a moment and listen to me.

517
00:33:52,155 --> 00:33:53,240
I'm Bigfoot.

518
00:33:53,740 --> 00:33:57,160
I know-- I know it sounds crazy, but I am.

519
00:33:57,410 --> 00:34:01,456
I mean, I'm not, obviously.
Really, it's just a costume.

520
00:34:05,085 --> 00:34:06,836
You know how you said you loved it?

521
00:34:08,046 --> 00:34:10,465
And you said you needed
some excitement in your life, and...

522
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:13,468
and this is the most exciting thing
to happen for years?

523
00:34:14,970 --> 00:34:17,389
That's why I did it.
I did it for you.

524
00:34:19,432 --> 00:34:21,643
I did it for all Pottersville.

525
00:34:24,145 --> 00:34:28,858
Now I just need to keep this thing going
long enough until they get their show.

526
00:34:31,653 --> 00:34:33,572
So many people have their heart set on it.

527
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:35,198
I can't let them down.

528
00:34:40,787 --> 00:34:42,205
I just thought you should know.

529
00:35:18,450 --> 00:35:19,576
-Hey, Ali?
-Yeah?

530
00:35:19,659 --> 00:35:22,370
Can you find out if there's a place
in town that does eyebrow threading?

531
00:35:22,495 --> 00:35:24,581
-Oh, yeah.
-I'd like them tweaked a little bit.

532
00:35:24,789 --> 00:35:26,124
Okay. Shall we? Yeah?

533
00:35:26,416 --> 00:35:28,960
I will bite it off if you do that again.
I'll bite the hand clean off.

534
00:35:29,586 --> 00:35:31,046
-Swallow it.
-Please don't touch him.

535
00:35:31,963 --> 00:35:32,839
Thanks.

536
00:35:33,381 --> 00:35:34,841
Good luck to cowboy. Yeah?

537
00:35:35,216 --> 00:35:36,343
-The opening?
-We're set.

538
00:35:36,509 --> 00:35:38,053
We'll do the whole opening from the top.

539
00:35:38,386 --> 00:35:40,555
And in three, two, one.
I'm coming in hot.

540
00:35:40,930 --> 00:35:42,307
We get our first shot. And...

541
00:35:43,016 --> 00:35:47,562
Here we are out at Grasshopper Hill,
amidst the flora and fauna,

542
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:51,399
where there have been
numerous reports of a Sasquatch.

543
00:35:51,816 --> 00:35:52,984
Well, we've all...

544
00:35:55,362 --> 00:35:58,031
What are you doing?

545
00:35:58,865 --> 00:35:59,991
I'm sorry?

546
00:36:00,742 --> 00:36:01,618
You're sorry?

547
00:36:02,202 --> 00:36:06,289
You're sorry? You're... in my eye line
when I'm doing the intro of my lifetime.

548
00:36:07,374 --> 00:36:11,294
Maybe the greatest intro ever
and I've got you in my eye line with this.

549
00:36:12,337 --> 00:36:13,922
What's that?
Are you a professional?

550
00:36:14,214 --> 00:36:15,340
-Yeah.
-Yeah?

551
00:36:17,842 --> 00:36:19,594
-I was--
-Why don't you use your head, mate?

552
00:36:19,803 --> 00:36:21,805
-What were you doing?
-I was--

553
00:36:21,888 --> 00:36:23,431
I was...

554
00:36:24,891 --> 00:36:26,601
-I was checking the light.
-Checking the light.

555
00:36:27,143 --> 00:36:30,897
He's checking the light.
How was it?

556
00:36:31,481 --> 00:36:32,440
How's the light?

557
00:36:33,316 --> 00:36:35,652
-'Cause the show now is rubbish.
-I'm sorry.

558
00:36:35,735 --> 00:36:37,320
-He's sorry.
-It won't happen again.

559
00:36:37,487 --> 00:36:38,905
Sorry and it won't happen again.

560
00:36:41,199 --> 00:36:42,325
It will not happen again,

561
00:36:42,617 --> 00:36:45,537
because I'll use your butt
as Bigfoot bait, okay?

562
00:36:45,662 --> 00:36:47,163
-It won't happen again.
-It won't happen again.

563
00:36:47,372 --> 00:36:49,207
Ready? Shall we try it again?

564
00:36:49,916 --> 00:36:52,627
Without this idiot in my shot?
Okay. Ready?

565
00:36:52,877 --> 00:36:54,295
Best show ever. Here we go.

566
00:36:54,671 --> 00:36:58,925
First positions. Everybody knows
where they're supposed to be. Okay.

567
00:37:02,804 --> 00:37:06,933
I'm gonna prep it and come in hot.
Coming in hot. Okay.

568
00:37:07,767 --> 00:37:09,227
Three, two, one.

569
00:37:10,729 --> 00:37:12,272
We're out here at Grasshopper Hill.

570
00:37:14,023 --> 00:37:15,358
Let's switch on the night vision.

571
00:37:15,442 --> 00:37:18,194
And see if this Squatch
wants to come out and dance.

572
00:37:22,574 --> 00:37:25,744
There is an interesting detail...

573
00:37:26,202 --> 00:37:31,624
which is that the Squatch,
particularly the North American Squatch,

574
00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:34,335
he's drawn to wood.

575
00:37:34,627 --> 00:37:39,632
And the reason being because
the wood has so much sap in it...

576
00:37:39,841 --> 00:37:41,676
it's got tons and tons of sap,

577
00:37:41,885 --> 00:37:44,512
and the Squatch feeds on this sap,

578
00:37:45,013 --> 00:37:47,682
to feed its powerful libido.

579
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:51,186
Let's see if we can draw him out.

580
00:37:51,936 --> 00:37:53,563
Come out, come out, wherever you are.

581
00:37:58,818 --> 00:38:00,069
Come out for sap.

582
00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:08,161
Did you hear the rustle?
We've got something.

583
00:38:12,916 --> 00:38:14,334
I think we've got something.

584
00:38:18,546 --> 00:38:19,839
Let's see...

585
00:38:20,673 --> 00:38:23,968
if we can get this Squatch
to respond to our claps.

586
00:38:25,178 --> 00:38:30,809
The Squatch is inclined to mimic us,
its human cousin.

587
00:38:32,936 --> 00:38:34,729
Let's see if it will mimic my claps.

588
00:38:46,783 --> 00:38:47,951
We'll go again.

589
00:38:48,576 --> 00:38:51,287
Come out and dance, Squatch.
Come out and dance.

590
00:38:57,126 --> 00:38:58,211
We've got something.

591
00:38:58,586 --> 00:39:00,380
Okay. Selfie stick.

592
00:39:02,465 --> 00:39:04,759
Ladies and gentlemen,
I, Brock Masterson,

593
00:39:05,552 --> 00:39:08,429
here at Grasshopper Hill,
shall now attempt

594
00:39:08,888 --> 00:39:11,599
to communicate with the Squatch.

595
00:39:13,685 --> 00:39:17,105
[howls]

596
00:39:19,190 --> 00:39:21,818
[Bigfoot growls]

597
00:39:23,987 --> 00:39:27,156
Wilkins, okay, best work ever,
but you're way too close.

598
00:39:27,323 --> 00:39:28,533
Back it off a little, please.

599
00:39:29,784 --> 00:39:32,078
-That wasn't me.
-Okay. Very, very funny, mate.

600
00:39:32,203 --> 00:39:34,789
You sound great, but it's way too close
so back it off,

601
00:39:34,914 --> 00:39:36,916
and, like, 50 percent of that, okay?

602
00:39:37,083 --> 00:39:39,711
I'm telling you that wasn't me, I swear.

603
00:39:43,131 --> 00:39:44,007
Wilkins?

604
00:39:47,427 --> 00:39:48,303
Wilkins?

605
00:39:50,138 --> 00:39:51,806
I think there's something really out here.

606
00:39:52,599 --> 00:39:53,474
What?

607
00:39:54,350 --> 00:39:57,437
I don't know, but it just ran past me
and he's heading in your direction.

608
00:39:57,562 --> 00:39:59,606
[Bigfoot growls]

609
00:40:01,107 --> 00:40:03,318
[scared panting]

610
00:40:06,195 --> 00:40:07,780
I don't think they got their picture.

611
00:40:13,536 --> 00:40:15,622
Great. I'm all packed,
we'll get the hell out of here.

612
00:40:15,872 --> 00:40:18,207
You can cut the Brock routine,
it's only me.

613
00:40:18,499 --> 00:40:20,001
-Where's your stuff?
-I've been thinking...

614
00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:22,670
-I just talked to the network...
-No...

615
00:40:22,754 --> 00:40:25,548
I'm done with this nonsense

616
00:40:25,673 --> 00:40:28,134
and this ridiculous
third-rate cable TV show

617
00:40:28,217 --> 00:40:30,511
that, by the way,
is just barely beating the Family Feud.

618
00:40:30,595 --> 00:40:32,347
-Just hear me out.
-No. Ain't gonna happen, okay?

619
00:40:32,430 --> 00:40:35,391
Are you nuts? I'm not gonna let my ass
get eaten by Bigfoot, or Sasquatch,

620
00:40:35,475 --> 00:40:37,018
or whatever the hell thing
is out in the woods.

621
00:40:37,101 --> 00:40:39,187
-I will not let that happen.
-Did you see that thing?

622
00:40:39,896 --> 00:40:43,107
Obviously, I wouldn't have done this
if I thought Bigfoot was real.

623
00:40:43,232 --> 00:40:44,275
Calm down.

624
00:40:44,567 --> 00:40:45,777
This is what we do.

625
00:40:46,027 --> 00:40:48,529
We get that local hunter guy,
you know, with the fingernails...

626
00:40:48,696 --> 00:40:51,407
-Are you nuts?
-I talked to network, they love the idea.

627
00:40:52,158 --> 00:40:55,495
Think about it, not only
does it make a great show,

628
00:40:55,995 --> 00:40:57,830
but if he actually catches Bigfoot...

629
00:40:58,456 --> 00:41:01,209
You mean, if I actually catch Bigfoot.

630
00:41:01,876 --> 00:41:05,171
Right, if you catch Bigfoot,

631
00:41:05,838 --> 00:41:09,926
you will be the biggest star in the world.

632
00:41:11,469 --> 00:41:13,221
-You really think so?
-Are you kidding me?

633
00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:15,515
It would be the greatest moment
in television history.

634
00:41:17,558 --> 00:41:18,768
So, I think what you mean is...

635
00:41:19,852 --> 00:41:21,729
it would get me off this stupid show,
right?

636
00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:24,148
I mean, if I catch Bigfoot,
that's our biggest episode ever.

637
00:41:24,232 --> 00:41:25,400
No way to top that.

638
00:41:25,483 --> 00:41:27,443
Perfect time to retire Brock.

639
00:41:28,569 --> 00:41:29,696
Blaze of glory.

640
00:41:30,488 --> 00:41:34,242
-Start doing movies like we talked about.
-That's what I'm saying.

641
00:41:35,118 --> 00:41:36,369
So what do you think?

642
00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:39,497
Crikey!

643
00:41:42,709 --> 00:41:44,919
I know. This face
is such a movie face, right?

644
00:41:45,003 --> 00:41:46,212
Such good face.

645
00:41:47,588 --> 00:41:48,506
Yeah?

646
00:41:49,048 --> 00:41:50,008
Bart, it's me.

647
00:41:50,383 --> 00:41:51,676
Who the hell is me?

648
00:41:52,135 --> 00:41:53,386
It's me, Bart. It's Jack.

649
00:41:56,014 --> 00:41:57,140
The sheriff.

650
00:41:57,890 --> 00:42:00,226
If you've come for my still,
you can piss off.

651
00:42:00,601 --> 00:42:02,437
I'm not here for the still, Bart.

652
00:42:02,645 --> 00:42:05,148
Look, I got a couple of people out here
who wanna talk to you.

653
00:42:06,149 --> 00:42:07,692
People from the TV studio.

654
00:42:11,904 --> 00:42:12,864
Hi.

655
00:42:13,656 --> 00:42:17,160
-What do you want?
-We want you to help us catch Bigfoot.

656
00:42:18,536 --> 00:42:19,454
How much?

657
00:42:19,537 --> 00:42:21,956
We can pay you 5,000 dollars.

658
00:42:22,248 --> 00:42:26,669
Five thousand to go with you,
10,000 to find him and catch him.

659
00:42:31,924 --> 00:42:33,718
-Fine.
-And we do it my way.

660
00:42:34,052 --> 00:42:35,887
-Meaning what?
-We go alone.

661
00:42:36,054 --> 00:42:38,139
You and me alone in the woods?

662
00:42:39,057 --> 00:42:41,434
What about the crew?
We have a whole show to shoot.

663
00:42:41,517 --> 00:42:42,894
I suggest you bring your camera.

664
00:42:43,311 --> 00:42:44,270
Not quite that simple, mate.

665
00:42:44,353 --> 00:42:46,272
-We can figure it out.
-There's hair and makeup and such.

666
00:42:46,355 --> 00:42:48,941
We're not going to catch imps and fairies.
We're going out to catch--

667
00:42:49,025 --> 00:42:50,526
You know what? I'm coming with.

668
00:42:50,610 --> 00:42:51,986
-The hell you are.
-Actually, wait.

669
00:42:52,111 --> 00:42:54,238
I think-- that, actually,
is a very good idea.

670
00:42:54,363 --> 00:42:56,282
Bart, I'm the sheriff, okay?

671
00:42:56,407 --> 00:42:58,409
And if we're gonna catch Bigfoot,
I'm gonna be there.

672
00:42:58,534 --> 00:42:59,744
It's a great idea.

673
00:42:59,952 --> 00:43:02,413
Alright, the three of us.

674
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:07,210
We ain't opening a beauty parlor.
By the truck in ten.

675
00:43:08,211 --> 00:43:09,087
Go on.

676
00:43:09,170 --> 00:43:10,171
Ten minutes by the truck.

677
00:43:10,546 --> 00:43:11,672
We love your house.

678
00:43:14,425 --> 00:43:17,011
[Brock] Couldn't be a beauty parlor
under the circumstances.

679
00:43:17,095 --> 00:43:19,097
I just don't understand
even the reference.

680
00:43:23,184 --> 00:43:24,519
Keep the change.
Don't worry about it.

681
00:43:24,602 --> 00:43:26,854
Gee, thanks.
Enjoy your stay in Pottersville.

682
00:43:26,938 --> 00:43:28,022
Let's go, boys.

683
00:43:37,824 --> 00:43:40,827
[woman] I suppose the next thing
you're gonna tell me

684
00:43:40,910 --> 00:43:42,703
is that you had lunch with Bigfoot.

685
00:43:42,787 --> 00:43:44,664
Did he ask for his pants back?

686
00:43:44,747 --> 00:43:45,873
[woman #2]
Are you calling me fat?

687
00:43:45,957 --> 00:43:49,752
-If the shoe fits--
-Ladies, what in the world?

688
00:43:49,836 --> 00:43:52,588
She's trying to say that
she's seen Bigfoot more than I have.

689
00:43:52,672 --> 00:43:56,342
But everybody knows
she's just trying to get on the show.

690
00:43:56,467 --> 00:43:57,718
All right, that's enough.

691
00:43:58,386 --> 00:44:00,638
You two should be ashamed of yourselves.

692
00:44:03,766 --> 00:44:06,727
Good Lord, what is going on around here?

693
00:44:08,771 --> 00:44:09,939
Thank you.

694
00:44:10,648 --> 00:44:14,694
Step right up, folks, get your brand new
Bigfoot merchandise.

695
00:44:14,777 --> 00:44:18,197
That's right.
Get it while we still have a Bigfoot.

696
00:44:18,281 --> 00:44:19,991
What did you mean,
"while we still have a Bigfoot"?

697
00:44:20,575 --> 00:44:21,868
Because of Bart.

698
00:44:21,951 --> 00:44:24,203
-What about him?
-You didn't hear?

699
00:44:24,287 --> 00:44:26,038
They're putting him on Monster Finder.

700
00:44:26,706 --> 00:44:27,623
What?

701
00:44:28,416 --> 00:44:31,043
You know Bart, if anybody
can catch Bigfoot, it's him.

702
00:44:31,127 --> 00:44:32,587
-Let's get these unpacked.
-Okay.

703
00:44:33,504 --> 00:44:34,547
You got it.

704
00:44:39,343 --> 00:44:40,428
Guns, huh?

705
00:44:42,471 --> 00:44:45,808
How the hell did you think we were gonna
catch him, with a big butterfly net?

706
00:44:46,642 --> 00:44:49,020
Oh, yeah. We can't kill it, right?

707
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:50,980
Just tranq' guns, Brock.

708
00:44:51,314 --> 00:44:52,607
Make him go beddie-byes.

709
00:44:53,357 --> 00:44:54,734
Right, tranq’ guns.

710
00:44:55,359 --> 00:44:57,695
-Tranq' guns, Eileen, I knew that.
-What?

711
00:44:57,778 --> 00:44:59,822
I was testing you guys.
Of course they are tranq’ guns.

712
00:44:59,906 --> 00:45:02,909
Sheriff, would you be a doll?
I got a bit of a Yoga injury.

713
00:45:04,702 --> 00:45:06,996
I got a Yoga injury. Thank you.

714
00:45:08,456 --> 00:45:09,457
Thanks, lovely.

715
00:45:11,792 --> 00:45:15,421
I wish they'd find whoever's doing it
and just be done with it already.

716
00:45:15,504 --> 00:45:16,547
Doing what?

717
00:45:16,672 --> 00:45:17,965
Pretending to be Bigfoot.

718
00:45:19,467 --> 00:45:21,552
How do you know
it's someone pretending?

719
00:45:21,886 --> 00:45:23,012
[laughs]

720
00:45:23,095 --> 00:45:25,264
Because there's no such thing
as a Bigfoot.

721
00:45:26,057 --> 00:45:27,058
Hmm.

722
00:45:30,770 --> 00:45:32,396
What's all that crap?

723
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:34,357
Just a few essentials.
Some night vision.

724
00:45:34,815 --> 00:45:36,359
Helmet cam, light meter.

725
00:45:36,692 --> 00:45:38,945
Pheromone spectrometer
which is my own design.

726
00:45:39,028 --> 00:45:42,198
It reads the pheromones
of beasts or monsters.

727
00:45:42,490 --> 00:45:44,116
You're so great, why do you need me?

728
00:45:45,326 --> 00:45:47,703
-Jack, pick up that tent, would you?
-Tent?

729
00:45:49,163 --> 00:45:50,748
Are we spending the night?

730
00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:53,000
What did you think,
we were going for a couple hours,

731
00:45:53,084 --> 00:45:55,795
be back in time for you to watch
Dancing with the Stars?

732
00:45:56,170 --> 00:45:58,381
This is a hunt, not a day at the spa.

733
00:45:58,798 --> 00:46:01,133
How long are we planning on staying?

734
00:46:01,217 --> 00:46:02,593
Until we catch him!

735
00:46:03,052 --> 00:46:07,848
Okay, Mr. Singing Dancing Television Man,
times-a-wasting. Get in the car.

736
00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:10,643
What? You'll be fine.

737
00:46:11,602 --> 00:46:13,562
-You'll be fine.
-Oh, my God.

738
00:46:13,896 --> 00:46:16,107
I'll try and bring him back in one piece.

739
00:46:20,111 --> 00:46:21,279
Give me a break.

740
00:46:21,696 --> 00:46:24,240
I bet a dollar to a dime that

741
00:46:24,699 --> 00:46:27,994
it's just some prankster out there
having a big laugh at our expense.

742
00:46:28,536 --> 00:46:30,830
But if it's a hoax,
I don't think he's trying to be mean.

743
00:46:31,205 --> 00:46:32,915
Look at how happy he's made everybody.

744
00:46:33,666 --> 00:46:35,751
At first, but the whole town has changed.

745
00:46:35,918 --> 00:46:38,713
Now everyone is dying
to get on that stupid TV show.

746
00:46:38,921 --> 00:46:42,508
I think they're just looking for something
that gives them a little hope.

747
00:46:46,470 --> 00:46:51,851
So, if it's not really a Bigfoot,
if it's just some guy pretending,

748
00:46:51,976 --> 00:46:54,061
what do you think they'll do to him
if they catch him?

749
00:46:55,479 --> 00:46:58,482
Hell, knowing Bart, probably shoot him
and hang his head on the wall.

750
00:47:04,864 --> 00:47:06,032
I'll get him.

751
00:47:10,077 --> 00:47:11,787
[Brock] I'm just outside of Pottersville,

752
00:47:12,038 --> 00:47:14,957
where it is nine o'clock
in the post meridian.

753
00:47:15,374 --> 00:47:19,503
And, ladies and gentlemen, for the first
time in Monster Finder history,

754
00:47:20,087 --> 00:47:25,718
this find has proven to be so treacherous
that I am out here completely alone.

755
00:47:26,135 --> 00:47:30,723
Aided only by the sheriff,
for legal reasons,

756
00:47:30,806 --> 00:47:32,767
and a local guide...

757
00:47:34,101 --> 00:47:35,353
who is quite curmudgeonly.

758
00:47:35,436 --> 00:47:36,854
What the hell is he doing?

759
00:47:39,065 --> 00:47:40,649
I think he's filming his TV show.

760
00:47:41,108 --> 00:47:42,860
Is that thing gonna be on the whole time?

761
00:47:43,027 --> 00:47:46,781
Guys, please. I'm filming my show.
That means I've gotta capture everything.

762
00:47:47,448 --> 00:47:48,574
Sorry.

763
00:47:49,950 --> 00:47:50,951
Can we watch?

764
00:47:51,077 --> 00:47:54,330
Yes. In fact, I think you should watch,
so you can get ready.

765
00:47:54,538 --> 00:47:55,706
For what?

766
00:47:56,207 --> 00:47:59,418
For the Bigfoot, mate.
For the Bigfoot.

767
00:48:00,336 --> 00:48:06,550
Now, I shall try
to communicate with the beast.

768
00:48:08,344 --> 00:48:12,056
[yodels]

769
00:48:12,723 --> 00:48:14,475
You having bowel problems?

770
00:48:15,184 --> 00:48:16,936
I'm communicating with the Squatch.

771
00:48:17,478 --> 00:48:18,562
By yodeling?

772
00:48:19,188 --> 00:48:22,483
-It's a mating call.
-Oh. So you wanna hump Bigfoot?

773
00:48:24,819 --> 00:48:25,945
It's a coyote.

774
00:48:26,278 --> 00:48:28,072
That's his way of communicating with us.

775
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:29,448
It's a coyote.

776
00:48:29,532 --> 00:48:30,699
Very specifically...

777
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:36,038
there's a Squatch
pretending to be a coyote.

778
00:48:36,664 --> 00:48:37,540
It just gets wilder.

779
00:48:38,082 --> 00:48:39,333
That's what the Squatch does.

780
00:48:39,583 --> 00:48:40,626
[coyote howls]

781
00:48:41,085 --> 00:48:41,961
See.

782
00:48:42,545 --> 00:48:44,046
Definitely a coyote.

783
00:48:44,213 --> 00:48:45,214
Okay, fine.

784
00:48:46,173 --> 00:48:48,509
-That's for sure. It's a coyote.
-Definitely a coyote.

785
00:48:48,592 --> 00:48:50,845
Fine...

786
00:48:51,971 --> 00:48:53,264
Get out a secret weapon.

787
00:48:54,098 --> 00:48:55,182
Secret weapon.

788
00:48:56,392 --> 00:48:59,061
You gonna write another one of them
Yeti love songs?

789
00:49:01,230 --> 00:49:04,859
A secret weapon against the Squatch...
is our humanity.

790
00:49:05,860 --> 00:49:09,989
So we shall try to lure him in
with the gift of melody.

791
00:49:10,781 --> 00:49:13,826
Maybe we're gonna have one of them...
Bigfoot hoe-downs.

792
00:49:13,909 --> 00:49:15,453
I hope you got some more moonshine.

793
00:49:15,578 --> 00:49:19,707
[howls a melody]

794
00:49:30,426 --> 00:49:32,344
-What?
-You're gonna wake the whole county.

795
00:49:32,428 --> 00:49:35,264
-You think it's stupid, don't you?
-No, I don't think you're stupid.

796
00:49:35,347 --> 00:49:38,893
I just think maybe sometimes when it comes
to thinking, you have bad luck.

797
00:49:39,185 --> 00:49:41,604
I don't understand why it's not working.
It worked perfectly last time.

798
00:49:53,032 --> 00:49:56,076
I hear you, brother, but I've laid bait
and tripwire around the perimeter,

799
00:49:56,160 --> 00:49:57,745
so we'll know when he's coming.

800
00:50:01,499 --> 00:50:03,042
Bait and tripwire.
Is that safe?

801
00:50:03,125 --> 00:50:05,794
[howling]

802
00:50:12,134 --> 00:50:13,052
You okay?

803
00:50:14,178 --> 00:50:15,387
Do you want me to do that?

804
00:50:15,888 --> 00:50:17,056
No, I'm fine.

805
00:50:17,932 --> 00:50:19,600
You can take off if you want.

806
00:50:19,975 --> 00:50:21,352
I'll wait till you're done.

807
00:50:22,019 --> 00:50:24,438
I'll get the bank bag,
I can drop it off on my way home.

808
00:50:25,940 --> 00:50:27,107
Great. Thanks.

809
00:51:07,398 --> 00:51:08,357
Thanks.

810
00:51:13,529 --> 00:51:14,446
What?

811
00:51:15,614 --> 00:51:16,907
Do you need anything else?

812
00:51:18,367 --> 00:51:20,244
Nope, all good.

813
00:51:21,161 --> 00:51:22,204
Thanks for doing it.

814
00:51:24,456 --> 00:51:25,708
Good night, Maynard.

815
00:51:52,401 --> 00:51:53,652
What the hell was that?

816
00:51:55,529 --> 00:51:58,949
-What am I supposed to do with this?
-If you see Bigfoot, shoot him.

817
00:52:03,704 --> 00:52:07,416
I've set up bait and tripwire
around the perimeter of the camp,

818
00:52:07,499 --> 00:52:10,586
and the tripwire has just been tripped.

819
00:52:10,753 --> 00:52:14,423
So, let's see
if we've got ourselves a Squatch.

820
00:52:15,424 --> 00:52:17,009
-[branch breaks]
-[voice cries out]

821
00:52:17,176 --> 00:52:18,093
What the...?

822
00:52:18,969 --> 00:52:21,597
I think I got him.
I think I got Bigfoot!

823
00:52:25,559 --> 00:52:26,518
What happened?

824
00:52:26,977 --> 00:52:28,354
You shot Jack.

825
00:52:32,691 --> 00:52:34,985
-Where's Bigfoot?
-There's no Bigfoot.

826
00:52:35,069 --> 00:52:39,406
It was just one of your coyotes looking
for a romantic evening of dinner and song.

827
00:52:40,032 --> 00:52:43,494
-Is he gonna be all right?
-He'll be all right, just taking a nap.

828
00:52:44,161 --> 00:52:45,454
Nobody died on this trip.

829
00:52:46,955 --> 00:52:47,956
Yet.

830
00:52:55,714 --> 00:52:57,966
[Bart, voice-over]
'Cause I'll find him, I'll catch him.

831
00:52:59,259 --> 00:53:01,049
[Maynard, voice-over]
Is there anything you can't catch?

832
00:53:01,261 --> 00:53:04,139
[Norm] You know Bart. If anybody
can catch Bigfoot, it's him.

833
00:53:04,682 --> 00:53:06,850
[Parker] Probably shoot him
and hang his head on the wall.

834
00:53:21,198 --> 00:53:23,117
Hey, it's me.
You gotta get me out of here.

835
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:25,077
Why? What's the matter?

836
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:27,454
We didn't hear a peep
from Bigfoot all night.

837
00:53:27,538 --> 00:53:29,873
And I haven't slept
and I haven't eaten,

838
00:53:30,457 --> 00:53:32,751
and on top of everything else,
I'm taking a crap in the woods right now.

839
00:53:33,001 --> 00:53:34,962
-Are you serious?
-[Brock] Yes, I'm pooping right now...

840
00:53:35,546 --> 00:53:38,215
-while I'm talking to you.
-Ew. That is so gross.

841
00:53:38,590 --> 00:53:40,843
What am I supposed to do?
It's not like there are bathrooms here.

842
00:53:40,926 --> 00:53:44,096
First of all, you could
not call me while you're doing it.

843
00:53:44,596 --> 00:53:48,517
Besides, what are you doing
about toilet paper?

844
00:53:51,103 --> 00:53:52,271
I hadn't thought that far ahead.

845
00:53:53,731 --> 00:53:55,482
Oh, God.
You gotta get me out of this hell.

846
00:53:55,941 --> 00:53:58,026
I have some Purell,
but I don't think that's gonna...

847
00:53:59,528 --> 00:54:00,404
Hello?

848
00:54:00,571 --> 00:54:01,447
Hello?

849
00:54:01,780 --> 00:54:04,742
-No phones on my hunt.
-Great! That's just great!

850
00:54:04,825 --> 00:54:07,077
What do we do now
if there's an actual emergency?

851
00:54:07,286 --> 00:54:08,871
Relax. You're the expert.

852
00:54:08,954 --> 00:54:11,540
I will have you know,
I have low blood sugar

853
00:54:11,915 --> 00:54:13,625
and we haven't eaten
since we've been out here.

854
00:54:13,709 --> 00:54:14,918
I could get light-headed.

855
00:54:15,127 --> 00:54:16,879
You're hungry?
Why didn't you say so?

856
00:54:18,422 --> 00:54:19,590
Here.

857
00:54:28,515 --> 00:54:29,475
There.

858
00:54:38,734 --> 00:54:39,943
It's protein. It's okay.

859
00:54:47,659 --> 00:54:48,786
Are you mad?

860
00:54:49,161 --> 00:54:51,663
You better pick that up.
Your breakfast is getting away.

861
00:54:52,706 --> 00:54:54,291
I've lost my appetite.

862
00:54:55,125 --> 00:54:58,462
Have it your way. I just wouldn't want you
to die of light-headedness.

863
00:54:58,545 --> 00:54:59,755
You owe me an iPhone.

864
00:55:05,302 --> 00:55:07,179
-[Maynard] That'll be one dollar.
-A dollar?

865
00:55:07,971 --> 00:55:11,058
Unbelievable. Five bucks in the city.
I'll buy a bunch of these before we leave.

866
00:55:11,141 --> 00:55:12,267
When is that gonna be, actually?

867
00:55:12,392 --> 00:55:14,478
Well, if they don't find something
tonight, he's outta there.

868
00:55:14,728 --> 00:55:16,605
He's not gonna make it
another night. No way.

869
00:55:17,105 --> 00:55:18,816
And then this whole trip
will have been a bust.

870
00:55:18,899 --> 00:55:20,192
We got some footage.

871
00:55:20,818 --> 00:55:23,904
We can't air a show
without any Bigfoot evidence

872
00:55:23,987 --> 00:55:26,532
and him running around
looking scared out of his mind.

873
00:55:27,825 --> 00:55:28,826
Thank you.

874
00:55:28,909 --> 00:55:29,952
Let's go.

875
00:55:37,167 --> 00:55:38,502
[Bart] Good evening, Jack.

876
00:55:38,919 --> 00:55:42,172
You've been sleeping all day,
and he's been sulking all day.

877
00:55:45,884 --> 00:55:49,388
Here you go, Jack.
Come on over here. All is forgiven.

878
00:55:50,180 --> 00:55:51,765
He knows you didn't mean to shoot him.

879
00:55:51,849 --> 00:55:54,601
Why don't you tell us all about Bigfoot?

880
00:55:54,726 --> 00:55:57,563
Who knows?
It may help us to catch him. Come on.

881
00:55:58,564 --> 00:56:02,484
-You have any of that moonshine left?
-If a snake had ears would you screw it?

882
00:56:14,413 --> 00:56:15,455
What are you doing tonight?

883
00:56:17,958 --> 00:56:18,876
Nothing.

884
00:56:22,921 --> 00:56:25,048
You wanna hang out,
have a couple of beers?

885
00:56:25,799 --> 00:56:27,342
I don't think I'm in the mood.

886
00:56:29,595 --> 00:56:33,223
Why don't you come over?
We'll watch a movie and make popcorn.

887
00:56:36,393 --> 00:56:38,687
I'm not up for a movie tonight.
Thanks, though.

888
00:56:39,313 --> 00:56:40,814
You sure?
I make a mean Jiffy Pop.

889
00:56:40,981 --> 00:56:42,441
I know you do, I just....

890
00:56:42,608 --> 00:56:44,610
It's been a long couple of weeks,
you know?

891
00:56:46,111 --> 00:56:47,070
Rain check?

892
00:56:49,281 --> 00:56:50,282
Any time.

893
00:56:55,370 --> 00:56:56,413
Night, May.

894
00:56:56,496 --> 00:56:57,414
Night, Park.

895
00:56:57,998 --> 00:56:58,916
Oh, hey...

896
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:04,046
You mind?

897
00:57:04,546 --> 00:57:05,672
Of course not.

898
00:57:31,531 --> 00:57:35,285
[slurring] Are you trying to tell me
that Bigfoot is really an alien?

899
00:57:35,452 --> 00:57:38,580
No. Not...

900
00:57:42,209 --> 00:57:45,253
[slurring]
Not just an alien...

901
00:57:47,172 --> 00:57:48,632
an alien criminal...

902
00:57:50,050 --> 00:57:54,471
who has been dropped
and left on this planet

903
00:57:55,222 --> 00:57:57,557
as punishment for his crimes.

904
00:57:57,683 --> 00:58:03,021
Are you trying to say that Earth
is like a prison for Bigfoot?

905
00:58:03,188 --> 00:58:04,064
Exactly.

906
00:58:04,189 --> 00:58:06,608
-It's a prison for Bigfoot.
-Exactly.

907
00:58:06,692 --> 00:58:08,443
It's a prison.
The whole thing is a prison.

908
00:58:09,987 --> 00:58:13,240
So when we catch him, Jack,
you're gonna have to read him his rights.

909
00:58:57,284 --> 00:59:00,328
Mr. Television Man,
may I ask a couple of questions?

910
00:59:00,495 --> 00:59:01,496
Of course, mate.

911
00:59:01,705 --> 00:59:03,165
Bigfoot's paws...

912
00:59:05,083 --> 00:59:08,628
What differentiates
Bigfoot's paws from other animals?

913
00:59:08,879 --> 00:59:10,714
Yeah, the...

914
00:59:11,923 --> 00:59:13,467
He's asking about the...

915
00:59:13,967 --> 00:59:15,844
-Bigfoot's paws.
-Yeah.

916
00:59:18,346 --> 00:59:20,932
Bigfoot scat.
You ever find any of that?

917
00:59:21,016 --> 00:59:22,684
That must be really interesting.

918
00:59:25,395 --> 00:59:26,480
-Scat?
-Scat.

919
00:59:27,189 --> 00:59:28,440
-Scat?
-Scat.

920
00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:33,445
I'm so glad you asked me
about the scat, because...

921
00:59:36,323 --> 00:59:39,743
Nickel for all the times school children
asked me about the scat.

922
00:59:43,580 --> 00:59:46,541
I guess I would say about the scat...

923
00:59:50,128 --> 00:59:51,880
The scat is my favorite part of the job.

924
00:59:52,297 --> 00:59:53,924
You know, put my hands in it.

925
00:59:55,300 --> 00:59:56,384
I get right in there.

926
00:59:57,928 --> 00:59:58,804
Yeah.

927
01:00:00,222 --> 01:00:03,767
[eerie noises]

928
01:00:04,267 --> 01:00:06,603
I'm a bit drunk,
but that is definitely not a coyote.

929
01:00:06,770 --> 01:00:08,188
I have no idea what that was.

930
01:00:09,064 --> 01:00:10,607
-Maybe that's our Squatch.
-Wait a minute.

931
01:00:10,899 --> 01:00:12,150
Only one way to find out.

932
01:00:12,526 --> 01:00:13,777
What day is this?

933
01:00:14,736 --> 01:00:18,657
Hey, Bart. Hey, Brock.
Hey, guys?

934
01:00:18,865 --> 01:00:21,785
May? May, I know your secret.

935
01:00:23,078 --> 01:00:24,037
May?

936
01:00:28,083 --> 01:00:29,042
May?

937
01:01:09,749 --> 01:01:12,043
Get that out of my face.

938
01:01:12,919 --> 01:01:14,087
Come on.

939
01:01:19,718 --> 01:01:21,428
Guys...

940
01:01:22,596 --> 01:01:24,347
What the devil is happening out here?

941
01:01:25,098 --> 01:01:28,101
Probably a UFO dropping off
Bigfoot prisoners.

942
01:01:29,144 --> 01:01:31,730
Sweet Yowie, how many monsters
you got in these woods?

943
01:01:31,897 --> 01:01:35,066
Hey guys, there's nothing there.
Let's go back.

944
01:01:35,150 --> 01:01:36,568
It's obviously something.

945
01:01:37,152 --> 01:01:39,237
It got our attention,
you can bet your butt it got Bigfoot's.

946
01:01:39,321 --> 01:01:41,281
That's why I wanna go back,
because if Bigfoot's...

947
01:01:41,364 --> 01:01:43,450
Jack, you're not making sense.

948
01:01:43,658 --> 01:01:45,076
I've gotta film this for my show.

949
01:01:46,328 --> 01:01:47,370
Bart, come on...

950
01:01:51,833 --> 01:01:52,959
Oh, hell.

951
01:01:53,335 --> 01:01:55,587
[sounds getting louder]

952
01:01:56,254 --> 01:01:57,380
What the...?

953
01:02:04,471 --> 01:02:09,351
Welcome to our first annual
Squatch Watch Spirit Gathering.

954
01:02:09,434 --> 01:02:12,312
Your what?
Oh, no. Quit that, lady.

955
01:02:12,395 --> 01:02:13,688
-[Bart] Quit that!
-We're here to see Bigfoot.

956
01:02:13,772 --> 01:02:16,691
-[furries] We love Bigfoot.
-[Bart] You people, you have to go.

957
01:02:16,775 --> 01:02:19,027
-[furries] We love Bigfoot.
-You have to get out of here.

958
01:02:19,236 --> 01:02:20,695
Do your loving somewhere else.

959
01:02:21,071 --> 01:02:23,281
Jack, come over her. Help me out.

960
01:02:24,449 --> 01:02:26,618
All right, folks.
My friend here is right.

961
01:02:26,701 --> 01:02:31,414
This is not really the time,
definitely not the place for the...

962
01:02:35,001 --> 01:02:36,711
Feels kind of amazing.

963
01:02:40,632 --> 01:02:44,636
Jack, moonshine and tranquilizer
is not a good combination.

964
01:02:45,053 --> 01:02:46,388
Get the hell away from me.

965
01:02:47,973 --> 01:02:50,642
-[woman] He's one of us.
-One of us.

966
01:02:50,976 --> 01:02:52,018
[furries]
One of us.

967
01:02:52,102 --> 01:02:54,020
I wanna be your fuzzy little joey.

968
01:02:54,104 --> 01:02:56,648
[chanting]
One of us.

969
01:02:57,274 --> 01:02:58,650
What the hell is "one of us"?

970
01:02:58,733 --> 01:03:01,027
-We're furries.
-What the hell's a furry?

971
01:03:01,111 --> 01:03:03,530
A furry is a person.
They're people...

972
01:03:03,947 --> 01:03:07,200
who just happen to like to dress up
in furry clothes

973
01:03:07,284 --> 01:03:08,910
and rub up against each another.

974
01:03:08,994 --> 01:03:10,370
And I'll tell you something else, Bart...

975
01:03:11,371 --> 01:03:14,457
I'm a furry, okay,
and I'm damn proud of it!

976
01:03:18,628 --> 01:03:20,630
[gunshot]

977
01:03:22,507 --> 01:03:25,260
Okay. That's it! Out of here!

978
01:03:25,385 --> 01:03:26,845
[Connie]
But, we love Bigfoot.

979
01:03:27,220 --> 01:03:30,181
Lady, once I have Bigfoot
stuffed and mounted,

980
01:03:30,307 --> 01:03:32,976
you're welcome to rub up against him
all you want.

981
01:03:33,143 --> 01:03:36,313
But until then, get your
skinny little chicken ass out of here.

982
01:03:36,521 --> 01:03:38,732
She's a bunny, Bart.
She's a bunny!

983
01:03:38,857 --> 01:03:40,483
-What?
-She's a bunny.

984
01:03:40,567 --> 01:03:42,527
It doesn't work as a chicken.
She's a bunny!

985
01:03:42,694 --> 01:03:44,904
Okay, then hop it on out of here.

986
01:03:45,196 --> 01:03:47,532
Go on!
I'm gonna count to ten.

987
01:03:47,657 --> 01:03:48,575
One...

988
01:03:48,950 --> 01:03:51,077
If you wanna come to the next meeting,
just let me know.

989
01:03:51,995 --> 01:03:52,912
I will.

990
01:03:53,830 --> 01:03:55,498
I will and I do and I will.

991
01:03:56,207 --> 01:03:59,794
Come on! Out!

992
01:04:01,171 --> 01:04:02,172
Come on!

993
01:04:06,885 --> 01:04:08,261
Now, as for you two.

994
01:04:23,068 --> 01:04:24,819
Was that a real gun you shot back there?

995
01:04:25,445 --> 01:04:26,905
Yep, and I'll use it again

996
01:04:27,030 --> 01:04:29,282
if either one of you tries
to get into this tent tonight.

997
01:04:34,913 --> 01:04:36,373
Do your thing, Mr. Television Man.

998
01:04:36,873 --> 01:04:37,874
What thing?

999
01:04:38,083 --> 01:04:40,794
You know, that howling,
yodeling thing you do.

1000
01:04:41,378 --> 01:04:42,587
I thought you said it was stupid.

1001
01:04:42,879 --> 01:04:45,006
No, it's perfect.

1002
01:04:45,840 --> 01:04:46,883
You hear something?

1003
01:04:47,050 --> 01:04:48,301
Just shut up and do it.

1004
01:04:48,593 --> 01:04:49,761
Jack, you stay here.

1005
01:04:53,056 --> 01:04:54,766
I need you to film me.

1006
01:04:55,433 --> 01:04:56,351
Okay.

1007
01:04:57,727 --> 01:04:59,020
-Okay.
-Keep that right on me.

1008
01:04:59,104 --> 01:05:01,398
-Right.
-This is my good side.

1009
01:05:14,244 --> 01:05:15,870
Stay on the face.
Stay on my face.

1010
01:05:20,750 --> 01:05:23,503
He's out there.
He's definitely out there.

1011
01:05:49,571 --> 01:05:50,613
He's getting closer.

1012
01:05:53,908 --> 01:05:56,327
[yodels]

1013
01:06:14,929 --> 01:06:17,515
[Bigfoot screams]

1014
01:06:28,860 --> 01:06:29,736
Sorry.

1015
01:06:33,781 --> 01:06:34,657
Did I get him?

1016
01:06:36,618 --> 01:06:37,577
Did I get him?

1017
01:06:40,914 --> 01:06:42,081
Did I get him?

1018
01:06:47,045 --> 01:06:48,296
Yeah, you got him.

1019
01:06:50,882 --> 01:06:52,258
You got him, all right.

1020
01:06:53,551 --> 01:06:58,181
Hey, Pottersville, I found Bigfoot!
Follow me!

1021
01:06:59,891 --> 01:07:01,601
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

1022
01:07:01,768 --> 01:07:04,354
Bigfoot can be seen by the stars.

1023
01:07:04,854 --> 01:07:06,105
Monster found!

1024
01:07:08,274 --> 01:07:09,484
Pick up, pick up.

1025
01:07:10,109 --> 01:07:12,111
Come on, May, pick up the phone.

1026
01:07:13,613 --> 01:07:14,739
Ladies and gentlemen,

1027
01:07:15,406 --> 01:07:18,910
what you are about to witness
is not just television history....

1028
01:07:19,536 --> 01:07:21,996
it's also scientific history.

1029
01:07:22,497 --> 01:07:25,291
It's also world history.

1030
01:07:26,584 --> 01:07:32,006
It may, in fact, be the most significant
event in the history of mankind.

1031
01:07:34,175 --> 01:07:38,471
Because I have managed to do
what no one else ever could.

1032
01:07:39,472 --> 01:07:42,433
Which is capture
the world's most elusive beast.

1033
01:07:44,727 --> 01:07:48,147
Without further ado, I present...

1034
01:07:51,818 --> 01:07:52,735
Bigfoot.

1035
01:07:55,488 --> 01:07:56,406
Maynard!

1036
01:07:56,990 --> 01:07:57,949
Maynard!

1037
01:07:59,617 --> 01:08:00,660
Maynard.

1038
01:08:02,787 --> 01:08:05,039
Maynard.
What did you do to him?

1039
01:08:05,123 --> 01:08:07,208
I caught him. That's my job, isn't it?

1040
01:08:07,375 --> 01:08:09,085
-This isn't Bigfoot!
-Of course it is.

1041
01:08:09,294 --> 01:08:12,380
Is this really what you do for a living?
This is Maynard Greiger.

1042
01:08:12,463 --> 01:08:14,507
He runs the general store.

1043
01:08:14,924 --> 01:08:16,009
Maynard.

1044
01:08:18,386 --> 01:08:19,971
-Maynard.
-Shit.

1045
01:08:20,513 --> 01:08:22,807
It's okay, Park. He's gonna be all right.

1046
01:08:22,890 --> 01:08:25,018
I just popped him
with a tranquilizer dart.

1047
01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:28,521
Was that you in the forest
this entire time?

1048
01:08:29,355 --> 01:08:31,482
Maynard, are you okay?

1049
01:08:32,942 --> 01:08:34,235
So, this is all a big hoax?

1050
01:08:36,112 --> 01:08:37,572
Cameras off!

1051
01:08:37,780 --> 01:08:40,074
-Hey...
-This is a big hoax, isn't it?

1052
01:08:41,784 --> 01:08:43,202
Do you know who I am?

1053
01:08:44,203 --> 01:08:45,872
This was gonna be my biggest show ever!

1054
01:08:46,414 --> 01:08:47,915
It was gonna make me a star!

1055
01:08:49,709 --> 01:08:50,877
Well, guess what?

1056
01:08:51,419 --> 01:08:53,296
I am gonna sue Pottersville.

1057
01:08:54,672 --> 01:08:55,632
How do you like that?

1058
01:08:57,008 --> 01:08:58,718
That's right. You'll be ruined!

1059
01:09:00,053 --> 01:09:04,182
I don't care if a colony of Bigfoot
moves in and builds houses,

1060
01:09:04,265 --> 01:09:06,392
and starts raising their kids
and marching their kids back and forth

1061
01:09:06,517 --> 01:09:09,520
to school across the square every day,
and singing karaoke at the karaoke bar!

1062
01:09:09,604 --> 01:09:11,022
No one's ever gonna see it!

1063
01:09:11,397 --> 01:09:12,440
Because from now on,

1064
01:09:12,523 --> 01:09:17,695
Pottersville will be known as a town
of fakes and phonies...

1065
01:09:20,114 --> 01:09:21,240
and freaks.

1066
01:09:24,118 --> 01:09:25,370
G'day, morons.

1067
01:09:28,706 --> 01:09:31,084
Did somebody say they
needed a Bigfoot?

1068
01:09:31,751 --> 01:09:34,837
Well, nice work, Maynard,
now the whole town is gonna get sued.

1069
01:09:35,922 --> 01:09:37,173
There goes Christmas.

1070
01:09:37,590 --> 01:09:39,634
And we can all kiss
a Happy New Year goodbye.

1071
01:09:42,011 --> 01:09:44,347
I ought to stick a "big foot" up your ass.

1072
01:09:49,310 --> 01:09:50,812
Hey, little bunny.

1073
01:09:51,729 --> 01:09:55,149
I was thinking maybe
I can come over later and...

1074
01:09:55,942 --> 01:09:59,821
I'd love for you to come by tomorrow,
Maynard, and pack your stuff and leave.

1075
01:10:00,446 --> 01:10:02,407
We all just wanted to meet Bigfoot,

1076
01:10:02,865 --> 01:10:05,034
and you made us look like
a bunch of idiots.

1077
01:10:08,496 --> 01:10:09,706
I'm sorry.

1078
01:10:18,631 --> 01:10:19,924
[Bart]
You okay, pal?

1079
01:10:31,936 --> 01:10:33,646
[Gutierrez]
So you will be seeking legal action?

1080
01:10:33,771 --> 01:10:34,897
[Brock] That's right, yeah.

1081
01:10:34,981 --> 01:10:38,067
It's the opposite of a class-action suit,
because it's me against 80 people.

1082
01:10:38,151 --> 01:10:40,778
It's like un-classy suit.

1083
01:10:41,404 --> 01:10:44,991
It's not what you call it,
but I'm suing for damages, yeah.

1084
01:10:45,408 --> 01:10:47,118
[Gutierrez]
I have heard a number, an estimate,

1085
01:10:47,201 --> 01:10:50,621
somewhere in the ballpark
of 150 million dollars in damages.

1086
01:10:50,747 --> 01:10:52,498
Is that what you will be seeking?

1087
01:10:52,832 --> 01:10:55,626
[Brock]
I couldn't say, and I won't say.

1088
01:10:55,835 --> 01:10:58,588
I'm not allowed to say,
but that's accurate, yes.

1089
01:11:00,631 --> 01:11:04,635
I can't promise you anybody's gonna
show up, I mean, people are pretty upset.

1090
01:11:04,844 --> 01:11:06,637
But you know his heart
was in the right place.

1091
01:11:07,013 --> 01:11:10,016
Yeah. Well, I'll do my best.

1092
01:11:53,851 --> 01:11:57,104
Hi. Is there a Maynard Greiger here?

1093
01:11:57,855 --> 01:11:59,190
[Parker]
I don't get it.

1094
01:11:59,649 --> 01:12:04,111
Don't you know how much he loves you,
how much he loves this town?

1095
01:12:06,823 --> 01:12:11,869
Maynard's family has owned and operated
the general store for generations.

1096
01:12:12,078 --> 01:12:15,331
He's over there right now,
packing up his shop because...

1097
01:12:16,374 --> 01:12:18,334
he doesn't know what else to do.

1098
01:12:19,043 --> 01:12:20,711
He feels like he doesn't belong here.

1099
01:12:21,671 --> 01:12:23,756
Well, he did ruin our shot.

1100
01:12:24,298 --> 01:12:25,716
Your shot at what?

1101
01:12:26,342 --> 01:12:30,096
Fame, fortune. Being on TV.

1102
01:12:30,263 --> 01:12:32,139
And how did he ruin it, exactly?

1103
01:12:32,431 --> 01:12:34,350
By pretending to be Bigfoot.

1104
01:12:34,725 --> 01:12:37,645
How much Bigfoot merchandise
did you sell out of his store?

1105
01:12:40,648 --> 01:12:42,400
Did you ever offer him anything?

1106
01:12:43,276 --> 01:12:45,778
Did he ever ask for anything in return?

1107
01:12:46,904 --> 01:12:49,031
He's given everything to Pottersville.

1108
01:12:49,448 --> 01:12:51,158
I mean everything.

1109
01:12:52,869 --> 01:12:56,622
He's tried so hard to keep us
and this town afloat that, honestly,

1110
01:12:56,873 --> 01:12:58,958
I don't know if he could afford
to keep his store open

1111
01:12:59,041 --> 01:13:00,793
even if he felt like you wanted him to.

1112
01:13:08,301 --> 01:13:10,553
You've all seen this.
You know what it's for.

1113
01:13:11,304 --> 01:13:14,265
And at one time or another,
when you were down on your luck,

1114
01:13:14,599 --> 01:13:18,227
each and every one of you asked Maynard
to put your name in this book.

1115
01:13:19,270 --> 01:13:20,938
Has he ever refused any of you?

1116
01:13:22,732 --> 01:13:26,485
Now when he needs our help,
your answer is to turn your back on him?

1117
01:13:27,570 --> 01:13:29,947
Well, before you decide
that he ruined your shot,

1118
01:13:30,489 --> 01:13:34,452
or your Christmas, or your Happy New Year,
I just want you to take a look at this.

1119
01:13:36,162 --> 01:13:39,040
Then you can tell me if you're still
upset with him for pretending.

1120
01:13:48,633 --> 01:13:49,759
It's empty.

1121
01:13:52,678 --> 01:13:53,721
Yeah.

1122
01:14:09,528 --> 01:14:11,864
Now we go live to Stacy Gutierrez

1123
01:14:12,031 --> 01:14:16,160
for a story you'll only find here
on Channel 13 News. Stacy.

1124
01:14:16,577 --> 01:14:17,745
Thank you, John.

1125
01:14:17,954 --> 01:14:22,959
Hi, this is Stacy Gutierrez
reporting live on Christmas Eve

1126
01:14:23,042 --> 01:14:26,545
here in Pottersville,
but all is not merry and bright

1127
01:14:26,629 --> 01:14:30,049
as the town is still reeling
from the Bigfoot hoax.

1128
01:14:30,466 --> 01:14:34,971
Well, I am here with the hoaxster himself,
Maynard Greiger,

1129
01:14:35,096 --> 01:14:36,639
to get his side of the story.

1130
01:14:36,806 --> 01:14:39,016
So, Mr. Greiger, why did you do it?

1131
01:14:40,810 --> 01:14:44,105
Well, I never meant
for it to happen, really.

1132
01:14:46,023 --> 01:14:49,402
But when people started really thinking
I was Bigfoot

1133
01:14:49,819 --> 01:14:53,239
and I saw how happy it made them,
I figured, why not?

1134
01:14:53,698 --> 01:14:56,367
Why do you think this town
was so captivated by him?

1135
01:14:56,909 --> 01:15:00,663
I don't think it's just our town, really.
I mean, it could be any town.

1136
01:15:01,956 --> 01:15:04,583
People everywhere are looking for
something to believe in.

1137
01:15:05,918 --> 01:15:09,755
We had fallen on hard times,
like a lot of other places...

1138
01:15:11,173 --> 01:15:14,468
this magical sense of... well, Bigfoot,

1139
01:15:14,593 --> 01:15:17,263
you know, that sense that
something else was out there.

1140
01:15:18,180 --> 01:15:20,016
It really brought the town together.

1141
01:15:20,266 --> 01:15:23,686
I haven't seen this town
so alive in a long time, and...

1142
01:15:26,063 --> 01:15:30,609
It seemed to give everybody the faith
and hope that things were gonna be okay.

1143
01:15:31,777 --> 01:15:33,404
I guess that's why I did it.

1144
01:15:35,072 --> 01:15:38,784
If you had to do it all over again,
would you?

1145
01:15:43,372 --> 01:15:48,210
You know, let's just say that hope
isn't always the most realistic thing,

1146
01:15:48,294 --> 01:15:51,839
but it tends to make the world
a better place.

1147
01:15:54,216 --> 01:15:55,634
Thank you, Mr. Greiger.

1148
01:15:56,302 --> 01:15:58,637
-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas to you.

1149
01:15:59,263 --> 01:16:03,059
This is Stacy Gutierrez
live from Pottersville.

1150
01:16:05,519 --> 01:16:07,354
Thank you, Mr. Greiger, that was great.

1151
01:16:07,772 --> 01:16:09,148
My pleasure. You're welcome.

1152
01:16:12,735 --> 01:16:14,236
-Hey.
-Hi.

1153
01:16:14,403 --> 01:16:16,238
I have some friends
who want to talk to you.

1154
01:16:17,865 --> 01:16:19,450
Hey, fellas.
What's going on?

1155
01:16:20,034 --> 01:16:22,578
Thanks for letting us
sell our stuff out of your store.

1156
01:16:23,162 --> 01:16:26,415
And thank you also for just... well...

1157
01:16:28,709 --> 01:16:29,794
Oh, what the hell.

1158
01:16:36,926 --> 01:16:38,219
You're welcome.

1159
01:16:40,679 --> 01:16:41,555
Hey, Tammy.

1160
01:16:41,639 --> 01:16:44,433
I'm sorry I was so hard on you, Maynard.

1161
01:16:51,607 --> 01:16:53,734
Hey. Yeah, we've gotta
get back on the air.

1162
01:16:53,818 --> 01:16:56,112
There's another breaking story
happening here now.

1163
01:16:56,821 --> 01:16:58,072
You could never ruin our Christmas.

1164
01:16:58,155 --> 01:16:59,156
Thanks, Doris.

1165
01:17:00,074 --> 01:17:02,576
Maynard, forget the things I said.
Merry Christmas.

1166
01:17:02,660 --> 01:17:03,744
Thank you.

1167
01:17:04,286 --> 01:17:05,204
Thanks.

1168
01:17:07,873 --> 01:17:12,128
Maynard, I'm so sorry I said
I'd put my foot up your ass.

1169
01:17:13,379 --> 01:17:14,338
It's okay, Millie.

1170
01:17:14,421 --> 01:17:16,841
-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas, Millie.

1171
01:17:20,594 --> 01:17:21,804
-Hey, Maynard.
-Jasper.

1172
01:17:21,929 --> 01:17:23,347
Thanks for everything, man.

1173
01:17:25,099 --> 01:17:27,268
Yeah. Sure.

1174
01:17:27,393 --> 01:17:29,270
-Hey.
-Yeah?

1175
01:17:29,812 --> 01:17:32,439
You thought you had
to become Bigfoot to save this town,

1176
01:17:32,565 --> 01:17:35,985
but you saved it a long time ago
by just being you.

1177
01:17:37,069 --> 01:17:41,699
Hi, this is Stacy Gutierrez
reporting live on Christmas Eve

1178
01:17:41,907 --> 01:17:44,618
from Greiger's General Store
here in Pottersville,

1179
01:17:44,910 --> 01:17:49,248
where the entire community has turned out
in a show of support

1180
01:17:49,415 --> 01:17:53,169
for the one-time Bigfoot hoaxster
Maynard Greiger,

1181
01:17:53,502 --> 01:17:56,839
to receive him now as their hometown hero.

1182
01:17:58,048 --> 01:17:58,966
Hey, buddy.

1183
01:18:00,759 --> 01:18:03,304
It's truly a Christmas miracle.

1184
01:18:05,389 --> 01:18:06,891
Hi. Thanks, Maynard.

1185
01:18:07,266 --> 01:18:09,393
-Merry Christmas, Maynard.
-Merry Christmas.

1186
01:18:14,899 --> 01:18:16,525
-Hey.
-Hey.

1187
01:18:17,985 --> 01:18:19,486
What are you doing later?

1188
01:18:24,533 --> 01:18:26,827
I think you should close up
and come home.

1189
01:18:29,371 --> 01:18:31,874
You can bring the Bigfoot costume.

1190
01:18:35,711 --> 01:18:37,546
I've been wanting
to talk to you for a long time.

1191
01:18:37,713 --> 01:18:40,090
I know you have.

1192
01:18:41,300 --> 01:18:42,426
You were right.

1193
01:18:44,011 --> 01:18:45,346
I know, baby.

1194
01:18:46,055 --> 01:18:47,598
Your little bunny's always right.

1195
01:18:47,681 --> 01:18:48,974
No, you were right...

1196
01:18:54,146 --> 01:18:55,356
We should split up.

1197
01:18:57,066 --> 01:18:58,067
Excuse me?

1198
01:18:58,150 --> 01:18:59,443
You should be happy.

1199
01:18:59,902 --> 01:19:03,572
You should go and find
whatever excitement you can in life,

1200
01:19:03,739 --> 01:19:04,865
if that's what you want.

1201
01:19:05,616 --> 01:19:06,533
I get it.

1202
01:19:07,284 --> 01:19:08,494
Life is short.

1203
01:19:09,328 --> 01:19:10,579
Why not be happy?

1204
01:19:12,373 --> 01:19:14,333
That's all I wanted to tell you.

1205
01:19:15,292 --> 01:19:16,502
I don't...

1206
01:19:19,838 --> 01:19:21,006
Wait. Are you...?

1207
01:19:25,678 --> 01:19:26,804
This is it?

1208
01:19:34,186 --> 01:19:35,729
[Connie scoffs]

1209
01:19:44,822 --> 01:19:49,618
Hey, Parker, is that rain check
still available for the Jiffy Pop?

1210
01:19:53,747 --> 01:19:54,873
Always.

1211
01:20:01,755 --> 01:20:02,798
To Maynard Greiger...

1212
01:20:04,008 --> 01:20:05,467
the richest man in Pottersville.

1213
01:20:05,551 --> 01:20:07,428
[all] Hear, hear.

1214
01:20:10,055 --> 01:20:11,849
Hey. Norm? Tony?

1215
01:20:11,932 --> 01:20:14,935
You say people all over the world
love this Bigfoot, right?

1216
01:20:15,102 --> 01:20:16,854
Um, yeah.

1217
01:20:16,937 --> 01:20:20,524
On every continent and in every language.

1218
01:20:20,691 --> 01:20:21,942
-All of them.
-Yeah.

1219
01:20:23,193 --> 01:20:24,069
All right.

1220
01:20:30,909 --> 01:20:33,078
[TV announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
I've just received word

1221
01:20:33,162 --> 01:20:36,040
it appears that Brock Masterson,
host of Monster Finder,

1222
01:20:36,123 --> 01:20:38,042
is also not who he claims to be.

1223
01:20:38,125 --> 01:20:41,045
In an exclusive story you'll only see here
on Channel 13 News,

1224
01:20:41,128 --> 01:20:45,424
we've discovered that Brock Masterson
is actually one Leonard Abromowitz,

1225
01:20:45,841 --> 01:20:47,843
an actor from Coney Island.

1226
01:20:48,218 --> 01:20:50,804
Last time I checked,
that's nowhere near Australia.

1227
01:20:50,888 --> 01:20:52,139
Well, what do you know?

1228
01:21:24,630 --> 01:21:26,382
[Parker] Hey, you two.
What are you doing?

1229
01:21:26,465 --> 01:21:28,425
We're just here to meet Bill
on his lunch break.

1230
01:21:28,509 --> 01:21:30,469
This place is amazing, you two.

1231
01:21:30,552 --> 01:21:31,637
Thanks, Maynard!

1232
01:21:31,720 --> 01:21:33,138
-You bet ya.
-Have fun.

1233
01:21:33,430 --> 01:21:34,431
Thanks.

1234
01:21:50,072 --> 01:21:51,657
You're a good man, May.

1235
01:21:56,370 --> 01:21:57,746
Well, what are you gonna do?

1236
01:22:06,213 --> 01:22:08,340
[cheering]