Heaven

Heaven and hell cannot exist separately. Technically they can't exist at all, but let's give the religious a little breathing room since we don't know everything.



Anyhow. I'm a pretty nice guy. I like to fix things and make stuff happen for people. I don't like to see suffering. Naturally, I'll try to fix as much suffering as I can before I die. If I was a Christian, I think these few things would probably put me on God's shortlist for Heaven entrants. But there's a major problem. If I went to Heaven, I'd live for eternity, in bliss, while people here on Earth would continue to suffer. Assuming I can watch from heaven while there's wars, famines, death, destruction, greed, hate etc... and not be able to do a thing about it? I think that would be pretty much my definition of hell... eternal torment. Oh but God wouldn't let me see all that, he'd instil in me a load of euphoria and bliss and keep me happy, ultimately stopping me from caring about my loved ones and the human race in general... Let's get this straight. Not only would he deny me an enlightened existence, but also he'd turn me selfish? That's Hell!



Now let's examine the alternative... An eternity of having my soul tortured and repeatedly flayed, killed and resurrected ad infinitum. I can't really find anything immensely good to say about that.... other than not only would I not give a crap about life here on Earth, I'd have a GOOD EXCUSE to not give a crap about life here on Earth.



It seems like a do-gooder pacifist like myself doesn't really meet any relevant criteria to be sorted into any of the above by God's sorting hat on arrival in the celestial kingdom of Hogwarts. Given the fact that Jesus was apparently of the same sort of ilk, I'd presume he had nowhere to go as well. I wonder what Purgatory is like. Maybe it's a place where I could continue trying to make a difference on Earth. If not, I think I'd rather just die and rot, if it's all the same. Reincarnation, however, sounds like a pretty sweet deal. Much like a video game, when you die you just keep on respawning until you get it right.



So to recap, the only Heaven I could possibly accept is Earth, with peace. love and prosperity for all people until the human race dies out. As for somewhere to go when I die, being buried wrapped in a blanket with a sapling planted on top of me will be the perfect option. That way I can provide sustenance and shelter for thousands of species over the next few hundred years no matter what happens to the world (save of course for the tree being bulldozed, or a nuclear apocalypse or whatever).