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The Happy Film (2016)

tpbolon Mar 1st, 2019 73 Never
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  5.  
  6. 1
  7. 00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:19,251
  8. - So, these are getting
  9.  
  10. 2
  11. 00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:20,185
  12. Blown up a little bit tighter
  13.  
  14. 3
  15. 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:23,622
  16. Than my comfort level
  17. is really into.
  18.  
  19. 4
  20. 00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:25,958
  21. - Now that all the big
  22. balloons are inflated,
  23.  
  24. 5
  25. 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,693
  26. We're moving into the
  27. small party balloons now
  28.  
  29. 6
  30. 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:28,794
  31. To make chains.
  32.  
  33. 7
  34. 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:31,130
  35. - and
  36. everyone's gonna focus on that.
  37.  
  38. 8
  39. 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,831
  40. So this team's working now.
  41.  
  42. 9
  43. 00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:33,832
  44. - We fixed it.
  45.  
  46. 10
  47. 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:34,666
  48. We fixed the problem.
  49.  
  50. 11
  51. 00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:37,036
  52. We're gonna get liftoff.
  53.  
  54. 12
  55. 00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:39,438
  56. - Okay, you're good.
  57.  
  58. 13
  59. 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,575
  60. Yeah, we're gonna go out
  61. with three at a time.
  62.  
  63. 14
  64. 00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:58,057
  65. it's like the biggest game
  66. of operation and...
  67.  
  68. 15
  69. 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:02,961
  70. - I have no idea
  71. how to start this film.
  72.  
  73. 16
  74. 00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:04,863
  75. But I actually do have
  76.  
  77. 17
  78. 00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:07,232
  79. The end all figured out.
  80.  
  81. 18
  82. 00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:12,671
  83. I'm going to attach 6,000
  84. yellow balloons to myself.
  85.  
  86. 19
  87. 00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:17,743
  88. And then I'm gonna take
  89. off against the blue sky.
  90.  
  91. 20
  92. 00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:28,020
  93. The yellow contrasting brightly,
  94.  
  95. 21
  96. 00:01:28,022 --> 00:01:30,689
  97. And that's just gonna be it.
  98.  
  99. 22
  100. 00:01:36,996 --> 00:01:39,164
  101. Jubilation music, probably
  102.  
  103. 23
  104. 00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:41,600
  105. Something sigur ros like.
  106.  
  107. 24
  108. 00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:49,475
  109. That's actually my
  110. girlfriend veza up there.
  111.  
  112. 25
  113. 00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:52,177
  114. I, myself, turned out to be
  115.  
  116. 26
  117. 00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:53,579
  118. Too fat for takeoff,
  119.  
  120. 27
  121. 00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:56,682
  122. Or, like I prefer to believe,
  123.  
  124. 28
  125. 00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:59,284
  126. The balloon gas contracted
  127.  
  128. 29
  129. 00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,619
  130. In the freezing cold
  131.  
  132. 30
  133. 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:01,720
  134. And threw all of our
  135.  
  136. 31
  137. 00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:03,655
  138. Math into disarray.
  139.  
  140. 32
  141. 00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:05,791
  142. - Get everybody else back.
  143.  
  144. 33
  145. 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:09,294
  146. - okay,
  147. I need everybody out...
  148.  
  149. 34
  150. 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:10,863
  151. Are you okay, veza?
  152.  
  153. 35
  154. 00:02:10,865 --> 00:02:11,930
  155. - I love it.
  156.  
  157. 36
  158. 00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,465
  159. - okay, one more time.
  160.  
  161. 37
  162. 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:17,736
  163. - well, this is
  164. actually what really happened.
  165.  
  166. 38
  167. 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,308
  168. Me not flying in the blue sky
  169.  
  170. 39
  171. 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:26,879
  172. Makes a little bit
  173. more sense after all.
  174.  
  175. 40
  176. 00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:28,280
  177. - it would be great
  178. if you could
  179.  
  180. 41
  181. 00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:29,715
  182. Go more for height.
  183.  
  184. 42
  185. 00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:31,550
  186. You're not jumping
  187. particularly high.
  188.  
  189. 43
  190. 00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:35,187
  191. You're just kind of
  192. moving horizontally.
  193.  
  194. 44
  195. 00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:38,891
  196. - we need to take
  197. this position again.
  198.  
  199. 45
  200. 00:02:38,893 --> 00:02:41,126
  201. - It's like, how can
  202. we not get this shot
  203.  
  204. 46
  205. 00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:43,395
  206. With someone in the air?
  207.  
  208. 47
  209. 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,497
  210. - stefan's gonna
  211. come out of the rig.
  212.  
  213. 48
  214. 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,765
  215. - no.
  216.  
  217. 49
  218. 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,634
  219. - okay,
  220. I'm the director here,
  221.  
  222. 50
  223. 00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,836
  224. I'm gonna make a decision.
  225.  
  226. 51
  227. 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,004
  228. - one thing
  229. is that harness
  230.  
  231. 52
  232. 00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:54,740
  233. Isn't built professionally.
  234.  
  235. 53
  236. 00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:57,009
  237. It is not meant for that.
  238.  
  239. 54
  240. 00:02:57,011 --> 00:02:58,010
  241. - well then
  242. I go in this one.
  243.  
  244. 55
  245. 00:02:58,012 --> 00:03:02,080
  246. And it's going to be dark
  247. by the time we get him off.
  248.  
  249. 56
  250. 00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,282
  251. Hang on, hang on, hang on,
  252.  
  253. 57
  254. 00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:05,751
  255. Exactly what you
  256. shouldn't be doing
  257.  
  258. 58
  259. 00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:07,352
  260. Under the pressure, under
  261. the time constraints,
  262.  
  263. 59
  264. 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,687
  265. And the sunset.
  266.  
  267. 60
  268. 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,988
  269. You should definitely
  270. not be trying to rig
  271.  
  272. 61
  273. 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,089
  274. Someone else into the harness.
  275.  
  276. 62
  277. 00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:12,824
  278. - this is
  279. a film about me
  280.  
  281. 63
  282. 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:15,160
  283. Trying to make myself happier.
  284.  
  285. 64
  286. 00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:18,363
  287. - this is exactly the
  288. shit that I'm talking about.
  289.  
  290. 65
  291. 00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:21,500
  292. a number of years earlier,
  293.  
  294. 66
  295. 00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,936
  296. I was on sabbatical in bali.
  297.  
  298. 67
  299. 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,939
  300. My best friend visited
  301. from new york,
  302.  
  303. 68
  304. 00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:30,709
  305. And was checking how I
  306. was spending my time.
  307.  
  308. 69
  309. 00:03:34,013 --> 00:03:35,647
  310. I was pretty much
  311. making furniture,
  312.  
  313. 70
  314. 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:38,283
  315. And he looked at
  316. all of it and said,
  317. that's good enough
  318.  
  319. 71
  320. 00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:41,887
  321. But somehow,
  322. if you come back after a year
  323.  
  324. 72
  325. 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,623
  326. With these couple of
  327. chairs and these ideas,
  328.  
  329. 73
  330. 00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:48,760
  331. I'm not quite sure if
  332. that's all that worthwhile.
  333.  
  334. 74
  335. 00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:56,034
  336. Well, this is really
  337. when the whole idea
  338.  
  339. 75
  340. 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,070
  341. For the happy film came up.
  342.  
  343. 76
  344. 00:03:58,072 --> 00:04:01,039
  345. I had given a talk on design
  346. and happiness many times,
  347.  
  348. 77
  349. 00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:05,077
  350. And I'd always received
  351. really good feedback and
  352.  
  353. 78
  354. 00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:07,412
  355. It just seemed like a juicy
  356.  
  357. 79
  358. 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:10,983
  359. Design problem itself,
  360. to make a proper
  361.  
  362. 80
  363. 00:04:10,985 --> 00:04:12,317
  364. Project out of it.
  365.  
  366. 81
  367. 00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:14,720
  368. And it would force me to
  369.  
  370. 82
  371. 00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:17,322
  372. Research the subject properly.
  373.  
  374. 83
  375. 00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:22,728
  376. After talking to many
  377. psychologists, I wrote a script.
  378.  
  379. 84
  380. 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:25,330
  381. And I made a list and a plan.
  382.  
  383. 85
  384. 00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:27,165
  385. I love making a plan.
  386.  
  387. 86
  388. 00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:29,268
  389. It got big.
  390.  
  391. 87
  392. 00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:33,071
  393. Anything, fitted in there.
  394.  
  395. 88
  396. 00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:34,740
  397. It turned out that making
  398. a film about happiness
  399.  
  400. 89
  401. 00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:38,744
  402. Was somehow like
  403. making a film about life.
  404.  
  405. 90
  406. 00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:41,213
  407. Too big, just impossible.
  408.  
  409. 91
  410. 00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:42,781
  411. I narrowed it down to
  412.  
  413. 92
  414. 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,583
  415. My own happiness instead.
  416.  
  417. 93
  418. 00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:47,019
  419. After all, on my own happiness,
  420.  
  421. 94
  422. 00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:51,623
  423. I really am the world's
  424. number one expert.
  425.  
  426. 95
  427. 00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:55,794
  428. The big question really is
  429.  
  430. 96
  431. 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:59,531
  432. Can I train my mind
  433. in the same way
  434.  
  435. 97
  436. 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,566
  437. That I can train my body?
  438.  
  439. 98
  440. 00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:03,468
  441. And by far, the best book I read
  442.  
  443. 99
  444. 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,871
  445. Was this one by jonathan haidt.
  446.  
  447. 100
  448. 00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:07,039
  449. So I called him up
  450.  
  451. 101
  452. 00:05:07,041 --> 00:05:10,075
  453. And he agreed
  454. to be the scientific
  455.  
  456. 102
  457. 00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,943
  458. Adviser for this film.
  459.  
  460. 103
  461. 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:12,878
  462. - So, there are three really
  463.  
  464. 104
  465. 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,079
  466. Well validated techniques
  467.  
  468. 105
  469. 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,881
  470. For changing
  471. your habitual thinking.
  472.  
  473. 106
  474. 00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:17,983
  475. The first technique
  476. is meditation.
  477.  
  478. 107
  479. 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,918
  480. You concentrate
  481. and you learn to let go
  482.  
  483. 108
  484. 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,753
  485. Of thoughts
  486. that make you less happy.
  487.  
  488. 109
  489. 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:22,721
  490. Buddha said something like,
  491.  
  492. 110
  493. 00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:24,756
  494. A man must train his mind
  495.  
  496. 111
  497. 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,058
  498. Like an elephant tamer
  499.  
  500. 112
  501. 00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:27,292
  502. Tames an elephant.
  503.  
  504. 113
  505. 00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:29,661
  506. The second technique
  507. is cognitive therapy.
  508.  
  509. 114
  510. 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,063
  511. It's a lot easier
  512. than meditation.
  513.  
  514. 115
  515. 00:05:31,065 --> 00:05:32,464
  516. People have much higher
  517. success rates.
  518.  
  519. 116
  520. 00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,066
  521. You catch
  522. your distorted thinking
  523.  
  524. 117
  525. 00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:35,967
  526. And you learn to correct it.
  527.  
  528. 118
  529. 00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:37,903
  530. The third technique is drugs.
  531.  
  532. 119
  533. 00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:40,439
  534. Like lexapro and prozac.
  535.  
  536. 120
  537. 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,741
  538. They really do change
  539. the way you think.
  540.  
  541. 121
  542. 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,276
  543. And they change your
  544. habitual thought patterns.
  545.  
  546. 122
  547. 00:05:44,278 --> 00:05:46,244
  548. - I'm going
  549. to try them all out
  550.  
  551. 123
  552. 00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:47,646
  553. For three months each.
  554.  
  555. 124
  556. 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:50,315
  557. So I should be done
  558. in 12 months.
  559.  
  560. 125
  561. 00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:53,819
  562. I'm going to measure
  563. my happiness daily
  564.  
  565. 126
  566. 00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:56,421
  567. On a scale from one to 10.
  568.  
  569. 127
  570. 00:05:56,423 --> 00:06:00,158
  571. I'll double-check that here
  572. and there with an mri scan.
  573.  
  574. 128
  575. 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,526
  576. I'll do an eeg.
  577.  
  578. 129
  579. 00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:07,265
  580. I'll keep track of
  581. my behavior every week.
  582.  
  583. 130
  584. 00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:09,701
  585. And I'll tape a video diary.
  586.  
  587. 131
  588. 00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:13,438
  589. And I know little about
  590. how to make a film.
  591.  
  592. 132
  593. 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,775
  594. So I'll ask my friend hillman
  595. for help.
  596.  
  597. 133
  598. 00:06:20,613 --> 00:06:23,348
  599. And like a proper
  600. graphic designer,
  601.  
  602. 134
  603. 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:24,850
  604. Before I did any of that,
  605.  
  606. 135
  607. 00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:27,052
  608. Before shooting anything,
  609.  
  610. 136
  611. 00:06:28,521 --> 00:06:31,456
  612. I started with
  613. the title sequence.
  614.  
  615. 137
  616. 00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:13,532
  617. It is now may 2009.
  618.  
  619. 138
  620. 00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:19,271
  621. And I would say that my
  622. overall level of well-being is,
  623.  
  624. 139
  625. 00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:25,610
  626. Right now, maybe like a six.
  627.  
  628. 140
  629. 00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:30,115
  630. But I've already come up from
  631.  
  632. 141
  633. 00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:33,752
  634. Maybe, like three.
  635.  
  636. 142
  637. 00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:34,786
  638. I would say
  639.  
  640. 143
  641. 00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:38,190
  642. Two or three weeks ago.
  643.  
  644. 144
  645. 00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:41,693
  646. I clearly did
  647. lose a lot of weight.
  648.  
  649. 145
  650. 00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:45,530
  651. Most of my trousers
  652.  
  653. 146
  654. 00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:47,199
  655. Don't really fit anymore.
  656.  
  657. 147
  658. 00:07:47,201 --> 00:07:48,033
  659. I mean, you see,
  660.  
  661. 148
  662. 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:51,803
  663. Even this one is...
  664.  
  665. 149
  666. 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:52,871
  667. Fairly loose
  668.  
  669. 150
  670. 00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,639
  671. To say the least.
  672.  
  673. 151
  674. 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:58,243
  675. Or I can, well, it's also
  676. an advantage, I guess.
  677.  
  678. 152
  679. 00:07:58,245 --> 00:07:59,878
  680. I can dress and redress so
  681.  
  682. 153
  683. 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,314
  684. Much quicker in the morning.
  685.  
  686. 154
  687. 00:08:04,383 --> 00:08:07,486
  688. Altogether, I just broke off a
  689.  
  690. 155
  691. 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:09,387
  692. Long, long relationship
  693.  
  694. 156
  695. 00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,823
  696. With my now-ex girlfriend.
  697.  
  698. 157
  699. 00:08:12,725 --> 00:08:16,094
  700. We went out for 11 years.
  701.  
  702. 158
  703. 00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:20,398
  704. And I'm clearly a little
  705. bit swimming right now.
  706.  
  707. 159
  708. 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,667
  709. For sure, the last two months,
  710.  
  711. 160
  712. 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,803
  713. Even though
  714. I try to be very active.
  715.  
  716. 161
  717. 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,338
  718. My normal mode of
  719.  
  720. 162
  721. 00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:32,344
  722. Getting rid of problems
  723. is just to work more.
  724.  
  725. 163
  726. 00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:36,615
  727. So I did quite a bit of work.
  728.  
  729. 164
  730. 00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:38,183
  731. Kept... Tried to keep myself
  732.  
  733. 165
  734. 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,751
  735. Very, very busy.
  736.  
  737. 166
  738. 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,319
  739. - Yeah, huge fan
  740. of your guys's work,
  741.  
  742. 167
  743. 00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,088
  744. I follow you all the time.
  745.  
  746. 168
  747. 00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:45,957
  748. - we used to
  749. design a lot of cd covers.
  750.  
  751. 169
  752. 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,926
  753. I wanted to
  754. combine my two loves,
  755.  
  756. 170
  757. 00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:50,095
  758. Design and music.
  759.  
  760. 171
  761. 00:08:50,097 --> 00:08:54,466
  762. Then it turned out that
  763. designing the 28th cover
  764.  
  765. 172
  766. 00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:57,102
  767. Wasn't as much fun
  768. as designing the 1st.
  769.  
  770. 173
  771. 00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:59,037
  772. - Look at this cd, look
  773. at how cool that thing is.
  774.  
  775. 174
  776. 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,639
  777. How slick is that?
  778.  
  779. 175
  780. 00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,541
  781. Very, very cool.
  782.  
  783. 176
  784. 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:03,942
  785. - and then I
  786. was just trying to see
  787.  
  788. 177
  789. 00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:05,610
  790. If I could apply this language
  791.  
  792. 178
  793. 00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:07,345
  794. That I know how to speak,
  795.  
  796. 179
  797. 00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:08,547
  798. Graphic design,
  799.  
  800. 180
  801. 00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:09,714
  802. To something that was
  803.  
  804. 181
  805. 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,784
  806. Actually much more personal.
  807.  
  808. 182
  809. 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:15,220
  810. And I found
  811. this little list in my diary
  812.  
  813. 183
  814. 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,955
  815. Of things I've learned
  816.  
  817. 184
  818. 00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,623
  819. In my life so far.
  820.  
  821. 185
  822. 00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,525
  823. So I chose some of them.
  824.  
  825. 186
  826. 00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:23,962
  827. Designed them as well
  828. as I absolutely could.
  829.  
  830. 187
  831. 00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:28,233
  832. So, there is trying to look good
  833.  
  834. 188
  835. 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,168
  836. Limits my life.
  837.  
  838. 189
  839. 00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:33,338
  840. Everything I do
  841.  
  842. 190
  843. 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,974
  844. Always comes back
  845.  
  846. 191
  847. 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:36,908
  848. To me.
  849.  
  850. 192
  851. 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,612
  852. Keeping a diary
  853.  
  854. 193
  855. 00:09:42,014 --> 00:09:43,582
  856. Supports
  857.  
  858. 194
  859. 00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:44,683
  860. Personal
  861.  
  862. 195
  863. 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:45,750
  864. Development.
  865.  
  866. 196
  867. 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,822
  868. Even though
  869. my initial feeling was
  870.  
  871. 197
  872. 00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,757
  873. That it's fairly self-indulgent,
  874.  
  875. 198
  876. 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:56,328
  877. The reaction of the
  878. audience was fantastic.
  879.  
  880. 199
  881. 00:09:56,330 --> 00:10:00,332
  882. It became this thing that's
  883. still very graphic design,
  884.  
  885. 200
  886. 00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:03,401
  887. But a much more
  888. personal expression.
  889.  
  890. 201
  891. 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,236
  892. Look, somebody
  893. is in a good mood.
  894.  
  895. 202
  896. 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,938
  897. - I'm so excited.
  898. - Excellent.
  899.  
  900. 203
  901. 00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:09,407
  902. The reason I wanted
  903. to work with jonathan
  904.  
  905. 204
  906. 00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,776
  907. Is because he deals
  908. with the whole life,
  909.  
  910. 205
  911. 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,679
  912. Not just some small,
  913. specialist stuff.
  914.  
  915. 206
  916. 00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:17,549
  917. And at the same time,
  918. he's a true scientist.
  919.  
  920. 207
  921. 00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:20,552
  922. Everything he says
  923. is backed up by proper
  924.  
  925. 208
  926. 00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:23,188
  927. Authoritative research.
  928.  
  929. 209
  930. 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,389
  931. - The view that
  932. I came to in writing the
  933.  
  934. 210
  935. 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,091
  936. Happiness hypothesis I
  937. didn't have this view
  938.  
  939. 211
  940. 00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:28,226
  941. When I started writing,
  942. but by the end of the book,
  943.  
  944. 212
  945. 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,195
  946. I came to the conclusion
  947. that happiness doesn't come
  948.  
  949. 213
  950. 00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,129
  951. From getting what you want.
  952.  
  953. 214
  954. 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,964
  955. Well that, everybody knows.
  956.  
  957. 215
  958. 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,366
  959. It doesn't come from within.
  960.  
  961. 216
  962. 00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:35,266
  963. I mean, that's
  964. what the buddhists
  965.  
  966. 217
  967. 00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:36,434
  968. And the stoics
  969. have always told us.
  970.  
  971. 218
  972. 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,536
  973. From within, so, you
  974. know, change yourself,
  975.  
  976. 219
  977. 00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:39,638
  978. Find happiness within.
  979.  
  980. 220
  981. 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:40,939
  982. There's some truth to that,
  983.  
  984. 221
  985. 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:44,042
  986. But I think
  987. the more correct way
  988.  
  989. 222
  990. 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,110
  991. To think about human happiness
  992.  
  993. 223
  994. 00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:47,078
  995. Is that happiness comes
  996. from getting the right
  997.  
  998. 224
  999. 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,880
  1000. Kind of relationships.
  1001.  
  1002. 225
  1003. 00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:49,981
  1004. Between yourself and others,
  1005.  
  1006. 226
  1007. 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:53,118
  1008. And yourself and something
  1009. larger than yourself.
  1010.  
  1011. 227
  1012. 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,153
  1013. Try to almost see yourself
  1014.  
  1015. 228
  1016. 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,488
  1017. As though you were,
  1018.  
  1019. 229
  1020. 00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,657
  1021. You know, a child or an animal
  1022.  
  1023. 230
  1024. 00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,625
  1025. That you were trying
  1026. to change or shape.
  1027.  
  1028. 231
  1029. 00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:01,559
  1030. And what experiences
  1031.  
  1032. 232
  1033. 00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:03,395
  1034. Can you give it
  1035. that would end up just
  1036.  
  1037. 233
  1038. 00:11:03,397 --> 00:11:05,430
  1039. Making it automatically
  1040. and habitually act
  1041.  
  1042. 234
  1043. 00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:06,831
  1044. In a different way.
  1045.  
  1046. 235
  1047. 00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:37,696
  1048. - To make your mind
  1049. become strong,
  1050.  
  1051. 236
  1052. 00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:39,297
  1053. You need exercise.
  1054.  
  1055. 237
  1056. 00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:41,933
  1057. The exercise of the mind, this
  1058.  
  1059. 238
  1060. 00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:44,369
  1061. Is what we call meditation.
  1062.  
  1063. 239
  1064. 00:11:46,773 --> 00:11:49,340
  1065. - the schedule
  1066. says wake up at 4:30
  1067.  
  1068. 240
  1069. 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,109
  1070. And then a full program
  1071.  
  1072. 241
  1073. 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:53,712
  1074. All the way 'til 9:15 pm.
  1075.  
  1076. 242
  1077. 00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:56,614
  1078. Meditation, break,
  1079. meditation, break.
  1080.  
  1081. 243
  1082. 00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:58,616
  1083. Break, meditation, meditation
  1084.  
  1085. 244
  1086. 00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,985
  1087. With strong determination,
  1088.  
  1089. 245
  1090. 00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:03,321
  1091. Meaning you're not
  1092. allowed to move,
  1093.  
  1094. 246
  1095. 00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:06,257
  1096. Break, lecture,
  1097. break, meditation.
  1098.  
  1099. 247
  1100. 00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:09,961
  1101. At 6:00 in the morning, already
  1102.  
  1103. 248
  1104. 00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:12,063
  1105. My back hurts like hell.
  1106.  
  1107. 249
  1108. 00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,899
  1109. And at 8:00,
  1110. oh, my god,
  1111.  
  1112. 250
  1113. 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,102
  1114. The pain is totally nuts.
  1115.  
  1116. 251
  1117. 00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:21,406
  1118. - This is the way
  1119. to get happier.
  1120.  
  1121. 252
  1122. 00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:27,178
  1123. May all beings
  1124. be happy.
  1125.  
  1126. 253
  1127. 00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:33,118
  1128. May all beings
  1129. be happy.
  1130.  
  1131. 254
  1132. 00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:39,424
  1133. May all beings
  1134. be happy.
  1135.  
  1136. 255
  1137. 00:12:40,192 --> 00:12:41,760
  1138. Meditation, stop.
  1139.  
  1140. 256
  1141. 00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:45,663
  1142. One, two, three, four.
  1143.  
  1144. 257
  1145. 00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:47,732
  1146. - but the only pleasure
  1147.  
  1148. 258
  1149. 00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,501
  1150. That I experience now
  1151.  
  1152. 259
  1153. 00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:51,002
  1154. Comes from the time
  1155.  
  1156. 260
  1157. 00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:53,104
  1158. When the pain goes away.
  1159.  
  1160. 261
  1161. 00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,907
  1162. - one by one,
  1163.  
  1164. 262
  1165. 00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:57,008
  1166. When you're calm.
  1167.  
  1168. 263
  1169. 00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,843
  1170. may all beings
  1171.  
  1172. 264
  1173. 00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:00,345
  1174. Be happy.
  1175.  
  1176. 265
  1177. 00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,846
  1178. Fuck.
  1179.  
  1180. 266
  1181. 00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:05,116
  1182. five, six, seven, eight.
  1183.  
  1184. 267
  1185. 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:16,427
  1186. - I'm surrounded by
  1187. a surprisingly mixed group.
  1188.  
  1189. 268
  1190. 00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:18,563
  1191. A bunch of jakarta housewives,
  1192.  
  1193. 269
  1194. 00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,198
  1195. A fancy hippie.
  1196.  
  1197. 270
  1198. 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,400
  1199. An aging surfer dude.
  1200.  
  1201. 271
  1202. 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,202
  1203. An architect, designer type.
  1204.  
  1205. 272
  1206. 00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:28,439
  1207. And various women between
  1208. the age of 25 and 45
  1209.  
  1210. 273
  1211. 00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:31,309
  1212. At various degrees
  1213. of being lost.
  1214.  
  1215. 274
  1216. 00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:36,915
  1217. Everybody looks
  1218. zombie-like and dour.
  1219.  
  1220. 275
  1221. 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,983
  1222. If I'm supposed
  1223. to get happy here,
  1224.  
  1225. 276
  1226. 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,552
  1227. Current company does not
  1228.  
  1229. 277
  1230. 00:13:40,554 --> 00:13:43,054
  1231. Suggest a successful outcome.
  1232.  
  1233. 278
  1234. 00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:50,061
  1235. good morning, everybody.
  1236.  
  1237. 279
  1238. 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:52,931
  1239. We're going
  1240. to continue our practice
  1241.  
  1242. 280
  1243. 00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:56,301
  1244. To make our
  1245. harmonious mind appear.
  1246.  
  1247. 281
  1248. 00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:58,069
  1249. - crazy pain,
  1250.  
  1251. 282
  1252. 00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,404
  1253. All night long.
  1254.  
  1255. 283
  1256. 00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:02,941
  1257. I'm totally ready to give up.
  1258.  
  1259. 284
  1260. 00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:06,911
  1261. seven, eight, nine, ten.
  1262.  
  1263. 285
  1264. 00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:11,349
  1265. One, two, three, four, five.
  1266.  
  1267. 286
  1268. 00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:23,795
  1269. just ran into an
  1270. old student of mine and
  1271.  
  1272. 287
  1273. 00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:28,600
  1274. She's joining me and her
  1275. friend for dinner later on.
  1276.  
  1277. 288
  1278. 00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:31,402
  1279. So... Lovely.
  1280.  
  1281. 289
  1282. 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,316
  1283. Well after failing for awhile,
  1284.  
  1285. 290
  1286. 00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:48,519
  1287. I am now opening
  1288.  
  1289. 291
  1290. 00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:50,054
  1291. Up to new things.
  1292.  
  1293. 292
  1294. 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,625
  1295. It does feel like lots
  1296.  
  1297. 293
  1298. 00:14:53,627 --> 00:14:55,460
  1299. Of stuff is possible.
  1300.  
  1301. 294
  1302. 00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:06,838
  1303. And I think even
  1304. tanya is impressed.
  1305.  
  1306. 295
  1307. 00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:19,417
  1308. I'm bored.
  1309.  
  1310. 296
  1311. 00:15:21,553 --> 00:15:25,757
  1312. Sunday and I'm bored.
  1313.  
  1314. 297
  1315. 00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:30,261
  1316. I was reading all afternoon
  1317.  
  1318. 298
  1319. 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,597
  1320. And I will do a little bit
  1321. of work now,
  1322.  
  1323. 299
  1324. 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,999
  1325. Because I don't know, really,
  1326.  
  1327. 300
  1328. 00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,935
  1329. What else I should do.
  1330.  
  1331. 301
  1332. 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:50,048
  1333. My mom, whom I loved dearly,
  1334.  
  1335. 302
  1336. 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:52,216
  1337. Died this year.
  1338.  
  1339. 303
  1340. 00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:56,621
  1341. She used to work
  1342. in a store all her life,
  1343.  
  1344. 304
  1345. 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,690
  1346. And going up to people,
  1347.  
  1348. 305
  1349. 00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:01,626
  1350. Making that first step
  1351. really became easy
  1352.  
  1353. 306
  1354. 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,629
  1355. As she got totally used to it.
  1356.  
  1357. 307
  1358. 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:09,467
  1359. I, myself, could still get
  1360. much, much better at that.
  1361.  
  1362. 308
  1363. 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:13,705
  1364. This, this line and this
  1365. line, same distance?
  1366.  
  1367. 309
  1368. 00:16:13,707 --> 00:16:14,639
  1369. "t" here.
  1370.  
  1371. 310
  1372. 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:19,143
  1373. I'm extremely anxious
  1374. about this dance piece.
  1375.  
  1376. 311
  1377. 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,912
  1378. Choreographing dancers
  1379.  
  1380. 312
  1381. 00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:22,380
  1382. Is fairly far away
  1383.  
  1384. 313
  1385. 00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:24,949
  1386. From straightforward
  1387. graphic design.
  1388.  
  1389. 314
  1390. 00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,484
  1391. The "e" moves back.
  1392.  
  1393. 315
  1394. 00:16:28,087 --> 00:16:29,754
  1395. It's always the same.
  1396.  
  1397. 316
  1398. 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,923
  1399. If I've done it before,
  1400. I get bored.
  1401.  
  1402. 317
  1403. 00:16:31,925 --> 00:16:35,660
  1404. If I haven't done it
  1405. before, I get anxious.
  1406.  
  1407. 318
  1408. 00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:43,601
  1409. A couple of years ago,
  1410. hillman had made a
  1411.  
  1412. 319
  1413. 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,403
  1414. Short portrait of me.
  1415.  
  1416. 320
  1417. 00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:48,406
  1418. And I immediately thought,
  1419.  
  1420. 321
  1421. 00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,775
  1422. I could be friends
  1423. with this guy.
  1424.  
  1425. 322
  1426. 00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,845
  1427. - So, I would choose the
  1428. letters where it made sense.
  1429.  
  1430. 323
  1431. 00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:54,679
  1432. Do you know what I mean?
  1433.  
  1434. 324
  1435. 00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,114
  1436. - yeah.
  1437.  
  1438. 325
  1439. 00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:59,717
  1440. Unlike me, he's calm and gentle.
  1441.  
  1442. 326
  1443. 00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:03,354
  1444. We make a good team.
  1445.  
  1446. 327
  1447. 00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:05,189
  1448. M, yes!
  1449.  
  1450. 328
  1451. 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,291
  1452. A, yes!
  1453.  
  1454. 329
  1455. 00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:09,427
  1456. K, yes!
  1457.  
  1458. 330
  1459. 00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:11,562
  1460. E, no!
  1461.  
  1462. 331
  1463. 00:18:15,994 --> 00:18:18,396
  1464. What a crazy weekend.
  1465.  
  1466. 332
  1467. 00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:20,331
  1468. I spent it with tanya in
  1469.  
  1470. 333
  1471. 00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:23,334
  1472. A hotel down south
  1473. in alila uluwatu.
  1474.  
  1475. 334
  1476. 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,002
  1477. And I mean, of course, yeah,
  1478.  
  1479. 335
  1480. 00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:27,105
  1481. It can't be much better.
  1482.  
  1483. 336
  1484. 00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:30,508
  1485. What a lovely, lovely, lovely,
  1486.  
  1487. 337
  1488. 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,877
  1489. Lovely, lovely girl she is.
  1490.  
  1491. 338
  1492. 00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:36,514
  1493. Sadly, she doesn't
  1494. want to be filmed.
  1495.  
  1496. 339
  1497. 00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:38,716
  1498. She thinks I share too much
  1499.  
  1500. 340
  1501. 00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:41,219
  1502. Private stuff with everybody.
  1503.  
  1504. 341
  1505. 00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:53,965
  1506. I think I'm falling for her.
  1507.  
  1508. 342
  1509. 00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:58,803
  1510. Yeah, I think
  1511. I'm falling in love.
  1512.  
  1513. 343
  1514. 00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:08,980
  1515. Just coming back from an
  1516. incredible weekend with tanya.
  1517.  
  1518. 344
  1519. 00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:14,819
  1520. I'm really in love,
  1521. and I told her so.
  1522.  
  1523. 345
  1524. 00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:19,223
  1525. I'd say that if she
  1526. would leave me now,
  1527.  
  1528. 346
  1529. 00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:24,495
  1530. Then I'd definitely
  1531. have that broken heart
  1532.  
  1533. 347
  1534. 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,097
  1535. That jonathan haidt thought
  1536.  
  1537. 348
  1538. 00:19:26,099 --> 00:19:28,432
  1539. Would be good for the film.
  1540.  
  1541. 349
  1542. 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,845
  1543. There was a meditation
  1544. on love and kindness.
  1545.  
  1546. 350
  1547. 00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:44,916
  1548. And I meditated on
  1549.  
  1550. 351
  1551. 00:19:44,918 --> 00:19:47,351
  1552. The fact that I'm gonna die.
  1553.  
  1554. 352
  1555. 00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:54,825
  1556. And I think I really
  1557.  
  1558. 353
  1559. 00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:58,930
  1560. Don't wanna
  1561. just dedicate the next
  1562.  
  1563. 354
  1564. 00:19:58,932 --> 00:20:02,500
  1565. 20 years of my life
  1566. also to design,
  1567.  
  1568. 355
  1569. 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:05,036
  1570. As I've basically been doing.
  1571.  
  1572. 356
  1573. 00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:17,181
  1574. Yeah, I definitely
  1575. had an insight.
  1576.  
  1577. 357
  1578. 00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:20,818
  1579. The insight is that
  1580. I really want kids.
  1581.  
  1582. 358
  1583. 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:21,719
  1584. It's a big deal.
  1585.  
  1586. 359
  1587. 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,855
  1588. That would be for me, my god...
  1589.  
  1590. 360
  1591. 00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:26,290
  1592. It's a big deal.
  1593.  
  1594. 361
  1595. 00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:32,663
  1596. And I'll see how
  1597. tanya feels about this.
  1598.  
  1599. 362
  1600. 00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,215
  1601. Crazy.
  1602.  
  1603. 363
  1604. 00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:52,750
  1605. I'm in hong kong.
  1606.  
  1607. 364
  1608. 00:20:53,518 --> 00:20:55,086
  1609. And things are amazing.
  1610.  
  1611. 365
  1612. 00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:58,055
  1613. Of course,
  1614. now that I'm not looking
  1615.  
  1616. 366
  1617. 00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:59,790
  1618. For a girl,
  1619.  
  1620. 367
  1621. 00:21:00,659 --> 00:21:02,360
  1622. They are all over me.
  1623.  
  1624. 368
  1625. 00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:04,595
  1626. Maybe like the most ever.
  1627.  
  1628. 369
  1629. 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,063
  1630. There was this
  1631. pretty blonde girl
  1632.  
  1633. 370
  1634. 00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:09,166
  1635. Who in a second, sat on my lap.
  1636.  
  1637. 371
  1638. 00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:10,835
  1639. And just to make sure
  1640.  
  1641. 372
  1642. 00:21:10,837 --> 00:21:13,537
  1643. That I actually
  1644. heard her correctly,
  1645.  
  1646. 373
  1647. 00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:16,907
  1648. I said, did you
  1649. just offer me a trial run
  1650.  
  1651. 374
  1652. 00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:18,542
  1653. To sleep with you?
  1654.  
  1655. 375
  1656. 00:21:18,544 --> 00:21:19,944
  1657. And she said,
  1658.  
  1659. 376
  1660. 00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,012
  1661. Well, I might have,
  1662.  
  1663. 377
  1664. 00:21:21,014 --> 00:21:24,181
  1665. You have to seduce me
  1666. a little bit before.
  1667.  
  1668. 378
  1669. 00:21:24,183 --> 00:21:25,750
  1670. And it took, as it was,
  1671.  
  1672. 379
  1673. 00:21:25,752 --> 00:21:28,686
  1674. Quite some self-discipline
  1675. not to.
  1676.  
  1677. 380
  1678. 00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:31,555
  1679. Crazy.
  1680.  
  1681. 381
  1682. 00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:43,367
  1683. I do think
  1684. I could be a good dad.
  1685.  
  1686. 382
  1687. 00:21:44,903 --> 00:21:47,138
  1688. And on the other hand,
  1689.  
  1690. 383
  1691. 00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:48,139
  1692. If I would have a
  1693.  
  1694. 384
  1695. 00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:50,141
  1696. Family just for the thrill.
  1697.  
  1698. 385
  1699. 00:21:50,143 --> 00:21:52,910
  1700. Oh, my god, that would be awful.
  1701.  
  1702. 386
  1703. 00:21:59,084 --> 00:22:02,386
  1704. I'm not sure
  1705. if she's pissed at me.
  1706.  
  1707. 387
  1708. 00:22:02,388 --> 00:22:03,321
  1709. Who knows?
  1710.  
  1711. 388
  1712. 00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:08,159
  1713. It for sure would be
  1714. understandable considering
  1715.  
  1716. 389
  1717. 00:22:08,161 --> 00:22:12,430
  1718. That the child issue surely
  1719. is a deal-breaker for her.
  1720.  
  1721. 390
  1722. 00:22:13,932 --> 00:22:16,100
  1723. I think that's more my problem
  1724.  
  1725. 391
  1726. 00:22:16,102 --> 00:22:18,169
  1727. Than it is a reflection of
  1728.  
  1729. 392
  1730. 00:22:18,171 --> 00:22:20,438
  1731. The true situation with tanya.
  1732.  
  1733. 393
  1734. 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,406
  1735. But it's constantly like,
  1736.  
  1737. 394
  1738. 00:22:22,408 --> 00:22:26,577
  1739. Oh, we are so different.
  1740. Oh, she is so irrational.
  1741.  
  1742. 395
  1743. 00:22:26,579 --> 00:22:30,614
  1744. Oh, we have a
  1745. difference of common sense.
  1746.  
  1747. 396
  1748. 00:22:30,616 --> 00:22:35,419
  1749. In a very, very difficult
  1750. situation with her,
  1751.  
  1752. 397
  1753. 00:22:37,255 --> 00:22:41,258
  1754. Because I couldn't count
  1755. on her acting rationally.
  1756.  
  1757. 398
  1758. 00:22:41,260 --> 00:22:42,927
  1759. And it's difficult to get
  1760.  
  1761. 399
  1762. 00:22:42,929 --> 00:22:45,596
  1763. These thoughts out of my brain.
  1764.  
  1765. 400
  1766. 00:22:47,599 --> 00:22:50,701
  1767. I mean, we are
  1768. a month into it basically.
  1769.  
  1770. 401
  1771. 00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:55,206
  1772. And there is already
  1773.  
  1774. 402
  1775. 00:22:56,942 --> 00:22:58,309
  1776. Serious strife.
  1777.  
  1778. 403
  1779. 00:23:00,112 --> 00:23:01,045
  1780. Serious.
  1781.  
  1782. 404
  1783. 00:23:03,782 --> 00:23:04,949
  1784. I'm basically
  1785.  
  1786. 405
  1787. 00:23:06,952 --> 00:23:09,787
  1788. Out of my depth.
  1789.  
  1790. 406
  1791. 00:23:12,290 --> 00:23:13,791
  1792. She cried.
  1793.  
  1794. 407
  1795. 00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:17,828
  1796. I'm just really sad.
  1797.  
  1798. 408
  1799. 00:23:32,378 --> 00:23:35,646
  1800. - it is intimacy
  1801. with the ordinary conditions
  1802.  
  1803. 409
  1804. 00:23:35,648 --> 00:23:37,648
  1805. Of life that allow meditation
  1806.  
  1807. 410
  1808. 00:23:37,650 --> 00:23:39,216
  1809. To arise naturally,
  1810.  
  1811. 411
  1812. 00:23:39,218 --> 00:23:43,254
  1813. And then you find yourself
  1814. in meditation.
  1815.  
  1816. 412
  1817. 00:23:43,256 --> 00:23:44,922
  1818. and not while I'm sitting
  1819.  
  1820. 413
  1821. 00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:46,557
  1822. In my meditation hut
  1823.  
  1824. 414
  1825. 00:23:46,559 --> 00:23:48,426
  1826. Trying, sitting still.
  1827.  
  1828. 415
  1829. 00:23:48,428 --> 00:23:49,994
  1830. - yeah, well,
  1831. there's the word trying.
  1832.  
  1833. 416
  1834. 00:23:49,996 --> 00:23:52,696
  1835. The trying is the problem.
  1836.  
  1837. 417
  1838. 00:23:52,698 --> 00:23:53,998
  1839. 'cause you're trying
  1840. to get somewhere
  1841.  
  1842. 418
  1843. 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,333
  1844. As if you're not somewhere.
  1845.  
  1846. 419
  1847. 00:23:59,171 --> 00:24:02,840
  1848. - I actually
  1849. found a repeatable way
  1850.  
  1851. 420
  1852. 00:24:02,842 --> 00:24:05,443
  1853. To manufacture a happy moment.
  1854.  
  1855. 421
  1856. 00:24:08,747 --> 00:24:12,683
  1857. ♪ I think I know how I feel
  1858.  
  1859. 422
  1860. 00:24:16,855 --> 00:24:23,627
  1861. ♪ cause I-
  1862. I only play for real ♪
  1863.  
  1864. 423
  1865. 00:24:26,031 --> 00:24:29,967
  1866. ♪ you should be picking me up
  1867.  
  1868. 424
  1869. 00:24:31,703 --> 00:24:35,873
  1870. ♪ instead you're
  1871. dragging me down ♪
  1872.  
  1873. 425
  1874. 00:24:37,576 --> 00:24:40,845
  1875. ♪ you're flying over my head
  1876.  
  1877. 426
  1878. 00:24:43,448 --> 00:24:47,485
  1879. ♪ you're landing all over town
  1880.  
  1881. 427
  1882. 00:24:48,887 --> 00:24:52,823
  1883. ♪ you should be picking me up
  1884.  
  1885. 428
  1886. 00:24:54,793 --> 00:24:59,563
  1887. ♪ instead you're
  1888. dragging me down ♪
  1889.  
  1890. 429
  1891. 00:24:59,565 --> 00:25:01,632
  1892. - what is it
  1893. that leads to a change
  1894.  
  1895. 430
  1896. 00:25:01,634 --> 00:25:03,767
  1897. In the way that you
  1898. engage with people?
  1899.  
  1900. 431
  1901. 00:25:03,769 --> 00:25:04,902
  1902. From last time we spoke,
  1903.  
  1904. 432
  1905. 00:25:04,904 --> 00:25:06,670
  1906. It was clear to me
  1907. that your issue
  1908.  
  1909. 433
  1910. 00:25:06,672 --> 00:25:08,272
  1911. Isn't happiness per say.
  1912.  
  1913. 434
  1914. 00:25:08,274 --> 00:25:09,106
  1915. And that issues were
  1916.  
  1917. 435
  1918. 00:25:09,108 --> 00:25:10,007
  1919. Really much more
  1920. about connection
  1921.  
  1922. 436
  1923. 00:25:10,009 --> 00:25:11,475
  1924. With other people,
  1925. and some of the
  1926.  
  1927. 437
  1928. 00:25:11,477 --> 00:25:13,744
  1929. Warm, loving skills.
  1930.  
  1931. 438
  1932. 00:25:13,746 --> 00:25:15,312
  1933. There's actually
  1934. one other element here
  1935.  
  1936. 439
  1937. 00:25:15,314 --> 00:25:16,447
  1938. That we should bring
  1939.  
  1940. 440
  1941. 00:25:16,449 --> 00:25:17,615
  1942. In, is the fact
  1943. that you were living
  1944.  
  1945. 441
  1946. 00:25:17,617 --> 00:25:19,149
  1947. In a foreign country.
  1948.  
  1949. 442
  1950. 00:25:19,151 --> 00:25:20,351
  1951. It sounds like we have
  1952.  
  1953. 443
  1954. 00:25:20,353 --> 00:25:21,452
  1955. Not just the meditation,
  1956.  
  1957. 444
  1958. 00:25:21,454 --> 00:25:23,020
  1959. But we have being
  1960. in a new place.
  1961.  
  1962. 445
  1963. 00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:25,589
  1964. - In a place in which
  1965. you don't know people,
  1966.  
  1967. 446
  1968. 00:25:25,591 --> 00:25:27,157
  1969. So you're forced
  1970. to be more open.
  1971.  
  1972. 447
  1973. 00:25:27,159 --> 00:25:29,426
  1974. In a place that
  1975. the pace of life of which
  1976.  
  1977. 448
  1978. 00:25:29,428 --> 00:25:31,929
  1979. Is much, much slower
  1980. than in new york.
  1981.  
  1982. 449
  1983. 00:25:31,931 --> 00:25:33,964
  1984. And in a place which is
  1985. physically very beautiful,
  1986.  
  1987. 450
  1988. 00:25:33,966 --> 00:25:35,533
  1989. And in a very green,
  1990. natural way.
  1991.  
  1992. 451
  1993. 00:25:35,535 --> 00:25:37,835
  1994. So all of these things
  1995. are adding up
  1996.  
  1997. 452
  1998. 00:25:37,837 --> 00:25:40,437
  1999. To sort of suppress the sort of,
  2000.  
  2001. 453
  2002. 00:25:40,439 --> 00:25:42,873
  2003. The time pressure,
  2004.  
  2005. 454
  2006. 00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:45,609
  2007. You know, task-focused
  2008. stefan sagmeister.
  2009.  
  2010. 455
  2011. 00:25:45,611 --> 00:25:47,111
  2012. And bring out to the greatest
  2013.  
  2014. 456
  2015. 00:25:47,113 --> 00:25:48,445
  2016. Extent that you're capable
  2017.  
  2018. 457
  2019. 00:25:48,447 --> 00:25:51,882
  2020. Of the more warm, loving
  2021. and open stefan sagmeister.
  2022.  
  2023. 458
  2024. 00:25:51,884 --> 00:25:53,784
  2025. So it's going to be very
  2026. difficult for us to figure out
  2027.  
  2028. 459
  2029. 00:25:53,786 --> 00:25:56,387
  2030. Whether the meditation
  2031. played any role whatsoever.
  2032.  
  2033. 460
  2034. 00:25:56,389 --> 00:25:59,657
  2035. What we're seeing here is
  2036. that you're really high
  2037.  
  2038. 461
  2039. 00:25:59,659 --> 00:26:02,226
  2040. In a trait called systemizing.
  2041.  
  2042. 462
  2043. 00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:05,195
  2044. And systemizing is the ability
  2045.  
  2046. 463
  2047. 00:26:05,197 --> 00:26:08,165
  2048. And skill of seeing things
  2049. as systems
  2050.  
  2051. 464
  2052. 00:26:08,167 --> 00:26:10,834
  2053. Which can be graphed
  2054. and manipulated.
  2055.  
  2056. 465
  2057. 00:26:10,836 --> 00:26:13,904
  2058. And systemizing is at
  2059. least slightly correlated
  2060.  
  2061. 466
  2062. 00:26:13,906 --> 00:26:15,739
  2063. Negatively with empathizing.
  2064.  
  2065. 467
  2066. 00:26:15,741 --> 00:26:19,043
  2067. And so this is
  2068. a systemizer's attempt
  2069.  
  2070. 468
  2071. 00:26:19,045 --> 00:26:21,912
  2072. To make himself
  2073. more empathizing.
  2074.  
  2075. 469
  2076. 00:26:32,324 --> 00:26:36,093
  2077. - so, jonathan
  2078. talks in his book
  2079.  
  2080. 470
  2081. 00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:39,296
  2082. About this metaphor for
  2083.  
  2084. 471
  2085. 00:26:41,032 --> 00:26:43,000
  2086. Unconscious
  2087. and the conscious minds.
  2088.  
  2089. 472
  2090. 00:26:43,002 --> 00:26:45,903
  2091. The conscious mind being
  2092. the tiny little rider
  2093.  
  2094. 473
  2095. 00:26:45,905 --> 00:26:49,006
  2096. On the giant elephant,
  2097. the unconscious.
  2098.  
  2099. 474
  2100. 00:26:49,008 --> 00:26:51,008
  2101. And the rider thinks that
  2102. he can tell the elephant
  2103.  
  2104. 475
  2105. 00:26:51,010 --> 00:26:52,843
  2106. What to do and where to go.
  2107.  
  2108. 476
  2109. 00:26:52,845 --> 00:26:54,778
  2110. But the elephant, of course,
  2111.  
  2112. 477
  2113. 00:26:54,780 --> 00:26:57,047
  2114. Has his own sort of ideas.
  2115.  
  2116. 478
  2117. 00:27:00,186 --> 00:27:01,352
  2118. And it's quite strange
  2119.  
  2120. 479
  2121. 00:27:01,354 --> 00:27:02,886
  2122. That even though we think
  2123.  
  2124. 480
  2125. 00:27:02,888 --> 00:27:06,423
  2126. That we make
  2127. our decisions rationally,
  2128.  
  2129. 481
  2130. 00:27:06,425 --> 00:27:09,193
  2131. If you look at
  2132. a guy called george.
  2133.  
  2134. 482
  2135. 00:27:09,195 --> 00:27:11,862
  2136. He doesn't quite know
  2137. where to move to,
  2138.  
  2139. 483
  2140. 00:27:11,864 --> 00:27:15,599
  2141. Somehow georgia
  2142. sounds best for george.
  2143.  
  2144. 484
  2145. 00:27:15,601 --> 00:27:19,203
  2146. And if you have
  2147. a guy called dennis,
  2148.  
  2149. 485
  2150. 00:27:19,205 --> 00:27:20,037
  2151. He doesn't know if he wants to
  2152.  
  2153. 486
  2154. 00:27:20,039 --> 00:27:22,139
  2155. Become a doctor or a teacher,
  2156.  
  2157. 487
  2158. 00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:25,409
  2159. Somehow dentist
  2160. sounds best to dennis.
  2161.  
  2162. 488
  2163. 00:27:26,411 --> 00:27:29,847
  2164. And paula,
  2165. unsure to marry jack or paul.
  2166.  
  2167. 489
  2168. 00:27:31,282 --> 00:27:33,717
  2169. Paul it is for paula.
  2170.  
  2171. 490
  2172. 00:27:33,719 --> 00:27:35,786
  2173. And that's the strange thing.
  2174.  
  2175. 491
  2176. 00:27:35,788 --> 00:27:37,454
  2177. We think we make
  2178. these decisions,
  2179.  
  2180. 492
  2181. 00:27:37,456 --> 00:27:40,057
  2182. But you have data in the us
  2183.  
  2184. 493
  2185. 00:27:40,059 --> 00:27:41,992
  2186. That there are more georges
  2187.  
  2188. 494
  2189. 00:27:41,994 --> 00:27:43,761
  2190. Who live in georgia,
  2191.  
  2192. 495
  2193. 00:27:43,763 --> 00:27:45,329
  2194. There are more dennises
  2195.  
  2196. 496
  2197. 00:27:45,331 --> 00:27:47,064
  2198. Who become dentists,
  2199.  
  2200. 497
  2201. 00:27:47,066 --> 00:27:48,966
  2202. And there are more paulas
  2203.  
  2204. 498
  2205. 00:27:48,968 --> 00:27:50,834
  2206. That are married to pauls
  2207.  
  2208. 499
  2209. 00:27:50,836 --> 00:27:52,803
  2210. Than would be
  2211. statistically viable.
  2212.  
  2213. 500
  2214. 00:27:52,805 --> 00:27:57,307
  2215. Now, when I first saw that
  2216. data I thought, you know,
  2217.  
  2218. 501
  2219. 00:27:57,309 --> 00:27:58,776
  2220. These stupid americans.
  2221.  
  2222. 502
  2223. 00:27:58,778 --> 00:28:02,846
  2224. Ah, they really don't know
  2225. what they're doing.
  2226.  
  2227. 503
  2228. 00:28:04,082 --> 00:28:05,783
  2229. Somehow they are, you know,
  2230.  
  2231. 504
  2232. 00:28:05,785 --> 00:28:08,485
  2233. Led around by their elephant.
  2234.  
  2235. 505
  2236. 00:28:08,487 --> 00:28:11,288
  2237. Then I looked at my own family.
  2238.  
  2239. 506
  2240. 00:28:11,290 --> 00:28:15,059
  2241. That's my mom karolina
  2242. marrying my dad karl.
  2243.  
  2244. 507
  2245. 00:28:16,795 --> 00:28:21,065
  2246. My grandmother josephine
  2247. marrying my granddad josef.
  2248.  
  2249. 508
  2250. 00:28:23,435 --> 00:28:27,271
  2251. So, I'm still looking
  2252. for that stefanie.
  2253.  
  2254. 509
  2255. 00:28:42,554 --> 00:28:46,390
  2256. So, yeah, what I normally
  2257. do on Monday mornings
  2258.  
  2259. 510
  2260. 00:28:46,392 --> 00:28:49,226
  2261. Is this weekly rating thing.
  2262.  
  2263. 511
  2264. 00:28:49,228 --> 00:28:51,061
  2265. I've been doing it
  2266. for years and years.
  2267.  
  2268. 512
  2269. 00:28:51,063 --> 00:28:54,531
  2270. It's basically 12 things that
  2271.  
  2272. 513
  2273. 00:28:54,533 --> 00:28:55,966
  2274. I'm gonna change about myself.
  2275.  
  2276. 514
  2277. 00:28:55,968 --> 00:28:58,969
  2278. So, one, I've been really,
  2279. really good.
  2280.  
  2281. 515
  2282. 00:28:58,971 --> 00:29:01,171
  2283. Five, I've been really,
  2284. really bad.
  2285.  
  2286. 516
  2287. 00:29:01,173 --> 00:29:04,875
  2288. First one, don't drink alcohol,
  2289. was one.
  2290.  
  2291. 517
  2292. 00:29:04,877 --> 00:29:07,711
  2293. That I'm gutsy once a week.
  2294.  
  2295. 518
  2296. 00:29:07,713 --> 00:29:09,913
  2297. Last week,
  2298. I don't think I was very gutsy,
  2299.  
  2300. 519
  2301. 00:29:09,915 --> 00:29:13,851
  2302. But I'll have to go back
  2303. and check.
  2304.  
  2305. 520
  2306. 00:29:13,853 --> 00:29:15,919
  2307. Okay, there was this
  2308. guggenheim gala
  2309.  
  2310. 521
  2311. 00:29:15,921 --> 00:29:18,789
  2312. Where I did go up
  2313. to some people.
  2314.  
  2315. 522
  2316. 00:29:19,924 --> 00:29:20,924
  2317. Not all that successful,
  2318.  
  2319. 523
  2320. 00:29:20,926 --> 00:29:22,760
  2321. But at least I did.
  2322.  
  2323. 524
  2324. 00:29:22,762 --> 00:29:26,230
  2325. Helping somebody, I was
  2326. actually good last week.
  2327.  
  2328. 525
  2329. 00:29:26,232 --> 00:29:28,832
  2330. Do something with my friends,
  2331. also a two.
  2332.  
  2333. 526
  2334. 00:29:28,834 --> 00:29:31,769
  2335. Flexible, I don't think
  2336. I was all that flexible.
  2337.  
  2338. 527
  2339. 00:29:31,771 --> 00:29:34,037
  2340. So that gets, so that will be a
  2341.  
  2342. 528
  2343. 00:29:34,039 --> 00:29:35,773
  2344. One, a two, five.
  2345.  
  2346. 529
  2347. 00:29:35,775 --> 00:29:38,742
  2348. 26 divided by 12.
  2349.  
  2350. 530
  2351. 00:29:38,744 --> 00:29:41,612
  2352. 2.1, okay, so that's
  2353. not too bad.
  2354.  
  2355. 531
  2356. 00:29:44,182 --> 00:29:45,916
  2357. Yeah, I think
  2358. that's pretty good.
  2359.  
  2360. 532
  2361. 00:29:45,918 --> 00:29:47,184
  2362. Oh, and then one
  2363. that I left out here
  2364.  
  2365. 533
  2366. 00:29:47,186 --> 00:29:49,019
  2367. Because I was too
  2368. embarrassed about it
  2369.  
  2370. 534
  2371. 00:29:49,021 --> 00:29:51,455
  2372. Was that I wouldn't
  2373. date any girls
  2374.  
  2375. 535
  2376. 00:29:51,457 --> 00:29:55,859
  2377. That are more than 20
  2378. years younger than I am.
  2379.  
  2380. 536
  2381. 00:29:55,861 --> 00:29:57,594
  2382. In weeks when
  2383. I was good at these things,
  2384.  
  2385. 537
  2386. 00:29:57,596 --> 00:29:58,929
  2387. When I got good marks, it's
  2388.  
  2389. 538
  2390. 00:29:58,931 --> 00:30:00,864
  2391. Always been a happy week.
  2392.  
  2393. 539
  2394. 00:30:00,866 --> 00:30:02,933
  2395. And then I got bad marks,
  2396.  
  2397. 540
  2398. 00:30:02,935 --> 00:30:05,202
  2399. It's been an unhappy week.
  2400.  
  2401. 541
  2402. 00:30:23,621 --> 00:30:25,389
  2403. Jonathan introduced me
  2404.  
  2405. 542
  2406. 00:30:25,391 --> 00:30:29,159
  2407. To some very high end
  2408. cognitive therapists.
  2409.  
  2410. 543
  2411. 00:30:29,161 --> 00:30:30,093
  2412. I met up with them,
  2413.  
  2414. 544
  2415. 00:30:30,095 --> 00:30:32,396
  2416. And hated them all.
  2417.  
  2418. 545
  2419. 00:30:32,398 --> 00:30:36,233
  2420. Then a friend introduced me
  2421. to sheenah.
  2422.  
  2423. 546
  2424. 00:30:36,235 --> 00:30:38,001
  2425. I liked her.
  2426.  
  2427. 547
  2428. 00:30:38,003 --> 00:30:39,503
  2429. - How are you?
  2430. -       - I'm good.
  2431.  
  2432. 548
  2433. 00:30:39,737 --> 00:30:43,941
  2434. - I, myself, have  never been in therapy before.
  2435. - Right.
  2436.  
  2437. 549
  2438. 00:30:43,943 --> 00:30:45,409
  2439. - I'm not sure if I'm a
  2440.  
  2441. 550
  2442. 00:30:45,411 --> 00:30:47,411
  2443. Particularly fantastic candidate
  2444.  
  2445. 551
  2446. 00:30:47,413 --> 00:30:50,414
  2447. For therapy, considering that
  2448.  
  2449. 552
  2450. 00:30:50,416 --> 00:30:52,282
  2451. For a big part of my life
  2452.  
  2453. 553
  2454. 00:30:52,284 --> 00:30:54,618
  2455. I've been fairly happy.
  2456.  
  2457. 554
  2458. 00:30:54,620 --> 00:30:57,321
  2459. When I first met sheenah
  2460. I asked her,
  2461.  
  2462. 555
  2463. 00:30:57,323 --> 00:31:00,691
  2464. Is it reasonable to expect
  2465.  
  2466. 556
  2467. 00:31:00,693 --> 00:31:02,993
  2468. Some change after three months?
  2469.  
  2470. 557
  2471. 00:31:02,995 --> 00:31:05,829
  2472. And she said, well, if you
  2473. just talk and do nothing,
  2474.  
  2475. 558
  2476. 00:31:05,831 --> 00:31:06,964
  2477. Probably not.
  2478.  
  2479. 559
  2480. 00:31:06,966 --> 00:31:10,968
  2481. If you do the homework and
  2482. train yourself in that,
  2483.  
  2484. 560
  2485. 00:31:10,970 --> 00:31:12,870
  2486. It probably will work.
  2487.  
  2488. 561
  2489. 00:31:16,541 --> 00:31:21,011
  2490. My memories of my childhood
  2491. are incredibly happy.
  2492.  
  2493. 562
  2494. 00:31:21,013 --> 00:31:25,115
  2495. My parents had
  2496. an unbelievable marriage.
  2497.  
  2498. 563
  2499. 00:31:25,117 --> 00:31:28,118
  2500. I don't remember a single fight
  2501.  
  2502. 564
  2503. 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,888
  2504. Or even bad feelings in the air.
  2505.  
  2506. 565
  2507. 00:31:31,789 --> 00:31:33,557
  2508. - oh, look at that.
  2509.  
  2510. 566
  2511. 00:31:33,559 --> 00:31:37,160
  2512. That's a beautiful picture
  2513. of you and her.
  2514.  
  2515. 567
  2516. 00:31:38,463 --> 00:31:40,731
  2517. Now, you come from a very
  2518. close, loving family.
  2519.  
  2520. 568
  2521. 00:31:40,733 --> 00:31:43,500
  2522. - Mm-hm.
  2523. - There's not much
  2524. history of conflict.
  2525.  
  2526. 569
  2527. 00:31:43,502 --> 00:31:45,636
  2528. There wasn't much model for it
  2529. growing up.
  2530.  
  2531. 570
  2532. 00:31:45,638 --> 00:31:48,472
  2533. - here's something
  2534. that I was thinking about,
  2535.  
  2536. 571
  2537. 00:31:48,474 --> 00:31:51,174
  2538. Is that you're 49 and
  2539. you've never married.
  2540.  
  2541. 572
  2542. 00:31:51,176 --> 00:31:54,978
  2543. - And I've found that all
  2544. single people who say to me,
  2545.  
  2546. 573
  2547. 00:31:54,980 --> 00:31:58,548
  2548. I can't understand why I
  2549. really don't have a family,
  2550.  
  2551. 574
  2552. 00:31:58,550 --> 00:32:00,651
  2553. Why is this?
  2554.  
  2555. 575
  2556. 00:32:00,653 --> 00:32:04,688
  2557. All of them tend
  2558. to be passive pleasers.
  2559.  
  2560. 576
  2561. 00:32:04,690 --> 00:32:07,057
  2562. Because you tend
  2563. to avoid conflict.
  2564.  
  2565. 577
  2566. 00:32:07,059 --> 00:32:10,527
  2567. - yes,      I think that accurate.
  2568. - Right.
  2569.  
  2570. 578
  2571. 00:32:10,529 --> 00:32:14,064
  2572. - So what would you say
  2573. would be a remedy for that?
  2574.  
  2575. 579
  2576. 00:32:14,066 --> 00:32:17,668
  2577. - I believe in dealing with
  2578. conflict well and elegantly.
  2579.  
  2580. 580
  2581. 00:32:17,670 --> 00:32:19,002
  2582. And respectfully.
  2583.  
  2584. 581
  2585. 00:32:19,004 --> 00:32:22,873
  2586. It would be good practice
  2587. for you to do that.
  2588.  
  2589. 582
  2590. 00:32:25,343 --> 00:32:27,077
  2591. - even before
  2592. I saw sheenah,
  2593.  
  2594. 583
  2595. 00:32:27,079 --> 00:32:28,011
  2596. I've been trying to get
  2597.  
  2598. 584
  2599. 00:32:28,013 --> 00:32:30,180
  2600. Better with everyday things.
  2601.  
  2602. 585
  2603. 00:32:30,182 --> 00:32:32,649
  2604. Things I'm almost embarrassed
  2605.  
  2606. 586
  2607. 00:32:33,451 --> 00:32:36,119
  2608. That I need to talk about them.
  2609.  
  2610. 587
  2611. 00:32:37,388 --> 00:32:39,556
  2612. Things like if I want
  2613. a coffee on the street
  2614.  
  2615. 588
  2616. 00:32:39,558 --> 00:32:40,891
  2617. And I see somebody
  2618. with a coffee,
  2619.  
  2620. 589
  2621. 00:32:40,893 --> 00:32:41,792
  2622. Just ask that person,
  2623.  
  2624. 590
  2625. 00:32:41,794 --> 00:32:42,726
  2626. Where did you get it,
  2627.  
  2628. 591
  2629. 00:32:42,728 --> 00:32:45,228
  2630. Rather than finding it myself.
  2631.  
  2632. 592
  2633. 00:32:45,230 --> 00:32:49,232
  2634. Or telling a taxi driver
  2635. to turn the radio down
  2636.  
  2637. 593
  2638. 00:32:49,234 --> 00:32:50,801
  2639. If it bothers me.
  2640.  
  2641. 594
  2642. 00:32:50,803 --> 00:32:53,704
  2643. You know, I've been
  2644. known to sit in a taxi
  2645.  
  2646. 595
  2647. 00:32:53,706 --> 00:32:56,039
  2648. And just endure it.
  2649.  
  2650. 596
  2651. 00:32:56,041 --> 00:32:57,908
  2652. That's perfect, thanks.
  2653.  
  2654. 597
  2655. 00:32:57,910 --> 00:33:01,044
  2656. Do you have any idea
  2657. of other homework
  2658.  
  2659. 598
  2660. 00:33:01,046 --> 00:33:03,280
  2661. That I could do?
  2662.  
  2663. 599
  2664. 00:33:03,282 --> 00:33:05,882
  2665. - I think we should pick things
  2666. that you would avoid doing.
  2667.  
  2668. 600
  2669. 00:33:05,884 --> 00:33:09,086
  2670. What kind of things
  2671. do you avoid doing?
  2672.  
  2673. 601
  2674. 00:33:09,088 --> 00:33:10,887
  2675. Cause I do believe
  2676. in seeking discomfort
  2677.  
  2678. 602
  2679. 00:33:10,889 --> 00:33:13,824
  2680. As a great way
  2681. to grow confidence.
  2682.  
  2683. 603
  2684. 00:33:22,734 --> 00:33:23,834
  2685. - Hi, sorry for interrupting,
  2686.  
  2687. 604
  2688. 00:33:23,836 --> 00:33:26,770
  2689. But you just look fantastic.
  2690.  
  2691. 605
  2692. 00:33:26,772 --> 00:33:27,738
  2693. I love your outfit,
  2694.  
  2695. 606
  2696. 00:33:27,740 --> 00:33:30,240
  2697. You just look great.
  2698.  
  2699. 607
  2700. 00:33:30,242 --> 00:33:31,641
  2701. That's some serious amount of
  2702.  
  2703. 608
  2704. 00:33:31,643 --> 00:33:33,043
  2705. Apples that you have there.
  2706.  
  2707. 609
  2708. 00:33:35,413 --> 00:33:37,180
  2709. - So I'm gonna do things
  2710.  
  2711. 610
  2712. 00:33:37,182 --> 00:33:39,383
  2713. That I normally never do.
  2714.  
  2715. 611
  2716. 00:33:40,118 --> 00:33:42,119
  2717. And some, probably
  2718. the most difficult one
  2719.  
  2720. 612
  2721. 00:33:42,121 --> 00:33:43,987
  2722. Is going to be to get a
  2723. phone number of a girl.
  2724.  
  2725. 613
  2726. 00:33:43,989 --> 00:33:46,490
  2727. Which is just
  2728. gonna be terrifying,
  2729.  
  2730. 614
  2731. 00:33:46,492 --> 00:33:48,091
  2732. Because I never
  2733. do that on the street.
  2734.  
  2735. 615
  2736. 00:33:48,093 --> 00:33:49,926
  2737. I just never do.
  2738.  
  2739. 616
  2740. 00:33:49,928 --> 00:33:52,629
  2741. So just thinking about it
  2742.  
  2743. 617
  2744. 00:33:52,631 --> 00:33:54,798
  2745. Now and talking about it,
  2746.  
  2747. 618
  2748. 00:33:55,933 --> 00:33:58,035
  2749. Yeah, makes me queasy
  2750.  
  2751. 619
  2752. 00:33:58,037 --> 00:33:59,936
  2753. To say the least.
  2754.  
  2755. 620
  2756. 00:33:59,938 --> 00:34:01,805
  2757. Wow, I love that bag.
  2758.  
  2759. 621
  2760. 00:34:01,807 --> 00:34:04,141
  2761. Excuse me, I love that bag.
  2762.  
  2763. 622
  2764. 00:34:05,343 --> 00:34:08,779
  2765. I'm not getting very
  2766. far with my compliments.
  2767.  
  2768. 623
  2769. 00:34:08,781 --> 00:34:11,815
  2770. - People are so used to
  2771. being approached here.
  2772.  
  2773. 624
  2774. 00:34:11,817 --> 00:34:15,952
  2775. - Do you ever approach
  2776. people on the street?
  2777.  
  2778. 625
  2779. 00:34:15,954 --> 00:34:17,788
  2780. - No.
  2781. - Me neither.
  2782.  
  2783. 626
  2784. 00:34:17,790 --> 00:34:19,456
  2785. - I never do.
  2786. - Yeah, no, no, me neither.
  2787.  
  2788. 627
  2789. 00:34:19,458 --> 00:34:21,625
  2790. - This blonde?
  2791. You want to try?
  2792.  
  2793. 628
  2794. 00:34:21,627 --> 00:34:22,826
  2795. - Not really.
  2796.  
  2797. 629
  2798. 00:34:25,296 --> 00:34:27,431
  2799. She looks mean.
  2800. - Yeah.
  2801.  
  2802. 630
  2803. 00:34:29,967 --> 00:34:31,134
  2804. - Can I give you a flower?
  2805.  
  2806. 631
  2807. 00:34:31,136 --> 00:34:32,803
  2808. - oh, it's--
  2809. - no, but look, look,
  2810.  
  2811. 632
  2812. 00:34:32,805 --> 00:34:33,970
  2813. It matches perfectly.
  2814.  
  2815. 633
  2816. 00:34:33,972 --> 00:34:36,740
  2817. - Thanks a lot, thanks a lot.
  2818. - Yeah? Thank you.
  2819.  
  2820. 634
  2821. 00:34:36,742 --> 00:34:38,175
  2822. I'm sorry, I see you're texting
  2823.  
  2824. 635
  2825. 00:34:38,177 --> 00:34:40,510
  2826. But I just have to comment
  2827. on your jacket.
  2828.  
  2829. 636
  2830. 00:34:40,512 --> 00:34:42,145
  2831. That is just the nicest jacket.
  2832.  
  2833. 637
  2834. 00:34:42,147 --> 00:34:44,147
  2835. You absolutely look fantastic.
  2836.  
  2837. 638
  2838. 00:34:44,149 --> 00:34:45,982
  2839. Yeah, yeah.
  2840. - Oh, well, thank you.
  2841.  
  2842. 639
  2843. 00:34:45,984 --> 00:34:48,585
  2844. I would love to get
  2845. together for a cup of coffee
  2846.  
  2847. 640
  2848. 00:34:48,587 --> 00:34:49,486
  2849. At one time.
  2850.  
  2851. 641
  2852. 00:34:49,488 --> 00:34:51,555
  2853. - Look, and I have
  2854. a flower for you.
  2855.  
  2856. 642
  2857. 00:34:51,557 --> 00:34:52,589
  2858. - Oh, thank you.
  2859.  
  2860. 643
  2861. 00:34:52,591 --> 00:34:54,491
  2862. - Excellent.
  2863. - They're beautiful.
  2864.  
  2865. 644
  2866. 00:34:54,493 --> 00:34:58,829
  2867. - That was the first one that
  2868. halfway decently worked out.
  2869.  
  2870. 645
  2871. 00:34:58,831 --> 00:35:00,730
  2872. I didn't quite have
  2873. the guts to further,
  2874.  
  2875. 646
  2876. 00:35:00,732 --> 00:35:02,499
  2877. To really ask her
  2878. for her phone number
  2879.  
  2880. 647
  2881. 00:35:02,501 --> 00:35:04,334
  2882. After she accepted,
  2883. graciously, my card.
  2884.  
  2885. 648
  2886. 00:35:04,336 --> 00:35:06,103
  2887. But I wouldn't,
  2888. the way she reacted,
  2889.  
  2890. 649
  2891. 00:35:06,105 --> 00:35:10,974
  2892. If I would actually get
  2893. an email from christie.
  2894.  
  2895. 650
  2896. 00:35:12,677 --> 00:35:14,945
  2897. I would say, at least from
  2898.  
  2899. 651
  2900. 00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:18,081
  2901. A judgement of american society,
  2902.  
  2903. 652
  2904. 00:35:18,083 --> 00:35:19,082
  2905. I clearly must have some
  2906.  
  2907. 653
  2908. 00:35:19,084 --> 00:35:22,686
  2909. Sort of commitment issues.
  2910.  
  2911. 654
  2912. 00:35:22,688 --> 00:35:24,020
  2913. At least, if I talk to girls--
  2914.  
  2915. 655
  2916. 00:35:24,022 --> 00:35:26,189
  2917. - They're going to tell you
  2918. that within five minutes.
  2919.  
  2920. 656
  2921. 00:35:26,191 --> 00:35:28,191
  2922. - I think that I have
  2923. commitment issues.
  2924.  
  2925. 657
  2926. 00:35:28,193 --> 00:35:30,694
  2927. I did have, of course, a
  2928. very long relationship.
  2929.  
  2930. 658
  2931. 00:35:30,696 --> 00:35:31,528
  2932. - You did?
  2933.  
  2934. 659
  2935. 00:35:31,530 --> 00:35:35,432
  2936. I went out with anni
  2937. for 11 years.
  2938.  
  2939. 660
  2940. 00:35:35,434 --> 00:35:36,666
  2941. - You did?
  2942. - Yeah.
  2943.  
  2944. 661
  2945. 00:35:38,536 --> 00:35:40,470
  2946. We were friends
  2947. for many, many years
  2948.  
  2949. 662
  2950. 00:35:40,472 --> 00:35:41,771
  2951. Before we started dating.
  2952.  
  2953. 663
  2954. 00:35:41,773 --> 00:35:44,875
  2955. And we had a quite
  2956. wonderful relationship,
  2957.  
  2958. 664
  2959. 00:35:44,877 --> 00:35:48,078
  2960. But towards the end,
  2961. we really sort of got
  2962.  
  2963. 665
  2964. 00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,113
  2965. On each others' nerves.
  2966.  
  2967. 666
  2968. 00:35:50,115 --> 00:35:51,748
  2969. Mostly small things.
  2970.  
  2971. 667
  2972. 00:35:51,750 --> 00:35:57,020
  2973. I could never really figure
  2974. out how that happened.
  2975.  
  2976. 668
  2977. 00:35:58,556 --> 00:36:02,225
  2978. Did she start to do things
  2979. she never did before?
  2980.  
  2981. 669
  2982. 00:36:02,227 --> 00:36:06,263
  2983. Or am I now getting
  2984. agitated about stuff I used
  2985.  
  2986. 670
  2987. 00:36:06,265 --> 00:36:07,697
  2988. To be fine with?
  2989.  
  2990. 671
  2991. 00:36:09,500 --> 00:36:11,835
  2992. And I'd say that right now,
  2993.  
  2994. 672
  2995. 00:36:15,806 --> 00:36:17,507
  2996. I'm not sure if it was a
  2997.  
  2998. 673
  2999. 00:36:17,509 --> 00:36:19,776
  3000. Good idea to break it off.
  3001.  
  3002. 674
  3003. 00:36:20,978 --> 00:36:22,112
  3004. But I can say this.
  3005.  
  3006. 675
  3007. 00:36:22,114 --> 00:36:23,780
  3008. I of course am a big list-maker.
  3009.  
  3010. 676
  3011. 00:36:23,782 --> 00:36:26,249
  3012. I have also made lists of
  3013.  
  3014. 677
  3015. 00:36:26,251 --> 00:36:28,818
  3016. Positives and negatives.
  3017. - Negatives.
  3018.  
  3019. 678
  3020. 00:36:28,820 --> 00:36:32,255
  3021. - Yes and it was
  3022. just a little bit
  3023.  
  3024. 679
  3025. 00:36:32,257 --> 00:36:33,823
  3026. More negatives than positives.
  3027.  
  3028. 680
  3029. 00:36:33,825 --> 00:36:35,325
  3030. And I recently went
  3031.  
  3032. 681
  3033. 00:36:35,327 --> 00:36:36,626
  3034. Back into the diary
  3035.  
  3036. 682
  3037. 00:36:36,628 --> 00:36:38,795
  3038. And saw those lists again and--
  3039.  
  3040. 683
  3041. 00:36:38,797 --> 00:36:41,164
  3042. - What did you see?
  3043.  
  3044. 684
  3045. 00:36:41,166 --> 00:36:42,933
  3046. - I saw that I
  3047.  
  3048. 685
  3049. 00:36:42,935 --> 00:36:45,602
  3050. Left out a good number of
  3051.  
  3052. 686
  3053. 00:36:45,604 --> 00:36:47,637
  3054. Positives that I would see now.
  3055.  
  3056. 687
  3057. 00:36:47,639 --> 00:36:48,605
  3058. - really?
  3059.  
  3060. 688
  3061. 00:36:48,607 --> 00:36:49,606
  3062. yeah.
  3063.  
  3064. 689
  3065. 00:36:49,608 --> 00:36:50,974
  3066. That there were
  3067.  
  3068. 690
  3069. 00:36:51,776 --> 00:36:54,110
  3070. Things that I didn't
  3071. give her any credit for,
  3072.  
  3073. 691
  3074. 00:36:54,112 --> 00:36:56,613
  3075. That she clearly would
  3076. have deserved credit.
  3077.  
  3078. 692
  3079. 00:36:56,615 --> 00:36:57,447
  3080. That I basically
  3081.  
  3082. 693
  3083. 00:36:57,449 --> 00:36:59,115
  3084. Took for granted.
  3085.  
  3086. 694
  3087. 00:36:59,117 --> 00:37:01,151
  3088. Let's say that last
  3089. pro and con list,
  3090.  
  3091. 695
  3092. 00:37:01,153 --> 00:37:02,652
  3093. Done from today's point of view,
  3094.  
  3095. 696
  3096. 00:37:02,654 --> 00:37:05,322
  3097. Would look radically different.
  3098.  
  3099. 697
  3100. 00:37:07,291 --> 00:37:08,491
  3101. One thing that I think
  3102.  
  3103. 698
  3104. 00:37:08,493 --> 00:37:10,894
  3105. Initially took guts was the
  3106.  
  3107. 699
  3108. 00:37:12,296 --> 00:37:14,364
  3109. The opening card
  3110. of the studio itself.
  3111.  
  3112. 700
  3113. 00:37:14,366 --> 00:37:17,467
  3114. This was, I think, 17 years ago.
  3115.  
  3116. 701
  3117. 00:37:17,469 --> 00:37:20,403
  3118. And it was just
  3119. a stupid little joke.
  3120.  
  3121. 702
  3122. 00:37:20,405 --> 00:37:23,139
  3123. My girlfriend at the time
  3124. thought that,
  3125.  
  3126. 703
  3127. 00:37:23,141 --> 00:37:26,676
  3128. Oh, I'm going to
  3129. lose the one client
  3130.  
  3131. 704
  3132. 00:37:26,678 --> 00:37:28,511
  3133. By sending this out.
  3134.  
  3135. 705
  3136. 00:37:28,513 --> 00:37:30,680
  3137. But there were one or two
  3138.  
  3139. 706
  3140. 00:37:30,682 --> 00:37:31,982
  3141. Other clients that followed.
  3142.  
  3143. 707
  3144. 00:37:31,984 --> 00:37:33,984
  3145. So, it actually worked.
  3146.  
  3147. 708
  3148. 00:37:35,820 --> 00:37:38,088
  3149. Shit, no, shit, it would
  3150. have to be much higher.
  3151.  
  3152. 709
  3153. 00:37:38,090 --> 00:37:39,022
  3154. Fuck.
  3155.  
  3156. 710
  3157. 00:37:43,494 --> 00:37:45,195
  3158. You see, like the distance
  3159. between the h
  3160.  
  3161. 711
  3162. 00:37:45,197 --> 00:37:46,830
  3163. And the a is now too big.
  3164.  
  3165. 712
  3166. 00:37:46,832 --> 00:37:47,998
  3167. - okay, the one thing
  3168.  
  3169. 713
  3170. 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:49,332
  3171. That we haven't tried,
  3172.  
  3173. 714
  3174. 00:37:49,334 --> 00:37:51,501
  3175. Which would, again, take
  3176. probably five, 10 minutes
  3177.  
  3178. 715
  3179. 00:37:51,503 --> 00:37:55,572
  3180. If we didn't talk to
  3181. each other, at all.
  3182.  
  3183. 716
  3184. 00:37:55,574 --> 00:37:57,340
  3185. hillman was a rock star.
  3186.  
  3187. 717
  3188. 00:37:57,342 --> 00:37:59,442
  3189. And I don't mean this
  3190. metaphorically.
  3191.  
  3192. 718
  3193. 00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:03,613
  3194. I mean he had a major
  3195. label recording contract.
  3196.  
  3197. 719
  3198. 00:38:03,615 --> 00:38:06,216
  3199. And he'd toured for 10 years.
  3200.  
  3201. 720
  3202. 00:38:06,218 --> 00:38:07,917
  3203. And how do I know about this?
  3204.  
  3205. 721
  3206. 00:38:07,919 --> 00:38:09,286
  3207. From wikipedia.
  3208.  
  3209. 722
  3210. 00:38:10,354 --> 00:38:14,024
  3211. He, himself never really
  3212. talks about it.
  3213.  
  3214. 723
  3215. 00:38:14,026 --> 00:38:15,358
  3216. - I would say
  3217. if we're gonna do it,
  3218.  
  3219. 724
  3220. 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:18,695
  3221. I don't think there's
  3222. any real point in doing it,
  3223.  
  3224. 725
  3225. 00:38:18,697 --> 00:38:19,696
  3226. When we can do it with--
  3227.  
  3228. 726
  3229. 00:38:19,698 --> 00:38:20,530
  3230. you're gonna be right,
  3231.  
  3232. 727
  3233. 00:38:20,532 --> 00:38:21,364
  3234. You're gonna be right.
  3235.  
  3236. 728
  3237. 00:38:21,366 --> 00:38:22,699
  3238. But just give me
  3239. like five minutes.
  3240.  
  3241. 729
  3242. 00:38:22,701 --> 00:38:23,867
  3243. We won't even say anything.
  3244.  
  3245. 730
  3246. 00:38:23,869 --> 00:38:26,603
  3247. Just let me see the
  3248. "having" as it was before.
  3249.  
  3250. 731
  3251. 00:38:26,605 --> 00:38:27,804
  3252. Where we were.
  3253.  
  3254. 732
  3255. 00:38:27,806 --> 00:38:29,272
  3256. And there might
  3257.  
  3258. 733
  3259. 00:38:29,274 --> 00:38:32,809
  3260. Be some surprising
  3261. new thing that happens.
  3262.  
  3263. 734
  3264. 00:38:40,117 --> 00:38:42,285
  3265. - well, sheenah thinks
  3266. I should be less cautious
  3267.  
  3268. 735
  3269. 00:38:42,287 --> 00:38:44,054
  3270. In my relationships.
  3271.  
  3272. 736
  3273. 00:38:45,389 --> 00:38:47,457
  3274. And I have been infatuated
  3275.  
  3276. 737
  3277. 00:38:47,459 --> 00:38:49,492
  3278. With a very private woman
  3279.  
  3280. 738
  3281. 00:38:49,494 --> 00:38:51,728
  3282. In my hometown in austria
  3283.  
  3284. 739
  3285. 00:38:51,730 --> 00:38:54,397
  3286. For a very long time now.
  3287.  
  3288. 740
  3289. 00:38:54,399 --> 00:38:56,466
  3290. And she would hate to be
  3291.  
  3292. 741
  3293. 00:38:56,468 --> 00:38:58,168
  3294. Mentioned in this film.
  3295.  
  3296. 742
  3297. 00:38:58,170 --> 00:39:01,171
  3298. So I'll just call her
  3299. miss private.
  3300.  
  3301. 743
  3302. 00:39:06,777 --> 00:39:08,745
  3303. When I think of her,
  3304. it's never sexual
  3305.  
  3306. 744
  3307. 00:39:08,747 --> 00:39:12,916
  3308. It's always about some
  3309. smart thing she said
  3310.  
  3311. 745
  3312. 00:39:12,918 --> 00:39:15,919
  3313. Or some nice thing
  3314. that she's done.
  3315.  
  3316. 746
  3317. 00:39:17,355 --> 00:39:19,656
  3318. I'm going to austria right now
  3319.  
  3320. 747
  3321. 00:39:19,658 --> 00:39:24,260
  3322. And let's see,
  3323. maybe I finally get
  3324.  
  3325. 748
  3326. 00:39:24,262 --> 00:39:28,264
  3327. My shit together
  3328. and I'll be able to tell her.
  3329.  
  3330. 749
  3331. 00:40:33,397 --> 00:40:35,498
  3332. Of course, miss private came.
  3333.  
  3334. 750
  3335. 00:40:35,500 --> 00:40:37,367
  3336. - Miss private, yeah.
  3337.  
  3338. 751
  3339. 00:40:39,670 --> 00:40:42,672
  3340. - she told me that
  3341. she made some decisions,
  3342.  
  3343. 752
  3344. 00:40:42,674 --> 00:40:47,010
  3345. That she has to stop that
  3346. safe, mousy life back home.
  3347.  
  3348. 753
  3349. 00:40:47,012 --> 00:40:47,844
  3350. - oh, really?
  3351.  
  3352. 754
  3353. 00:40:47,846 --> 00:40:50,447
  3354. And I sort of looked
  3355. at her and said, well,
  3356.  
  3357. 755
  3358. 00:40:50,449 --> 00:40:52,081
  3359. That, uh, that sounds
  3360.  
  3361. 756
  3362. 00:40:52,083 --> 00:40:54,284
  3363. Pretty good for my cause.
  3364.  
  3365. 757
  3366. 00:40:55,219 --> 00:40:57,353
  3367. Then we kissed and
  3368.  
  3369. 758
  3370. 00:40:57,355 --> 00:40:59,856
  3371. It basically went from there.
  3372.  
  3373. 759
  3374. 00:41:01,425 --> 00:41:04,194
  3375. She was here in a week when
  3376. new york was at its finest.
  3377.  
  3378. 760
  3379. 00:41:04,196 --> 00:41:05,195
  3380. Like, you know,
  3381.  
  3382. 761
  3383. 00:41:05,197 --> 00:41:06,029
  3384. - Oh, I do.
  3385.  
  3386. 762
  3387. 00:41:06,031 --> 00:41:10,733
  3388. It was super warm, the sun
  3389. was shining every single day.
  3390.  
  3391. 763
  3392. 00:41:10,735 --> 00:41:12,702
  3393. And I feel that it was
  3394.  
  3395. 764
  3396. 00:41:12,704 --> 00:41:14,204
  3397. More new york than me
  3398.  
  3399. 765
  3400. 00:41:14,206 --> 00:41:15,271
  3401. Who won her over.
  3402.  
  3403. 766
  3404. 00:41:15,273 --> 00:41:17,140
  3405. New york was so much on my side.
  3406.  
  3407. 767
  3408. 00:41:17,142 --> 00:41:18,575
  3409. - Yeah.
  3410. -  - that's your rival.
  3411.  
  3412. 768
  3413. 00:41:18,577 --> 00:41:21,144
  3414. - yes, yeah.
  3415.  
  3416. 769
  3417. 00:41:40,564 --> 00:41:41,965
  3418. - 2:00, okay, perfect.
  3419.  
  3420. 770
  3421. 00:41:41,967 --> 00:41:43,233
  3422. Okay, goodbye.
  3423.  
  3424. 771
  3425. 00:41:44,735 --> 00:41:46,102
  3426. He'll be here at 2:00.
  3427.  
  3428. 772
  3429. 00:41:46,104 --> 00:41:47,437
  3430. - Oh, excellent.
  3431.  
  3432. 773
  3433. 00:41:47,439 --> 00:41:49,172
  3434. The institute for contemporary
  3435. art in philadelphia
  3436.  
  3437. 774
  3438. 00:41:49,174 --> 00:41:51,574
  3439. Invited us to create an exhibit.
  3440.  
  3441. 775
  3442. 00:41:51,576 --> 00:41:54,844
  3443. I immediately thought, this
  3444. could be about happiness.
  3445.  
  3446. 776
  3447. 00:41:54,846 --> 00:41:56,179
  3448. The happy show.
  3449.  
  3450. 777
  3451. 00:41:57,081 --> 00:41:59,082
  3452. I've been doing promotional
  3453.  
  3454. 778
  3455. 00:41:59,084 --> 00:42:01,584
  3456. Things for so long now.
  3457.  
  3458. 779
  3459. 00:42:01,586 --> 00:42:04,254
  3460. This could be
  3461. a great possibility
  3462.  
  3463. 780
  3464. 00:42:04,256 --> 00:42:06,155
  3465. To use the language of design
  3466.  
  3467. 781
  3468. 00:42:06,157 --> 00:42:08,591
  3469. For something more personal.
  3470.  
  3471. 782
  3472. 00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:18,868
  3473. When she stayed over
  3474.  
  3475. 783
  3476. 00:42:18,870 --> 00:42:22,305
  3477. Like, for me,
  3478. it was oddly friendshippy.
  3479.  
  3480. 784
  3481. 00:42:23,107 --> 00:42:23,940
  3482. - really?
  3483.  
  3484. 785
  3485. 00:42:23,942 --> 00:42:24,774
  3486. - yeah.
  3487.  
  3488. 786
  3489. 00:42:24,776 --> 00:42:26,376
  3490. Not passionate.
  3491. - Passionate.
  3492.  
  3493. 787
  3494. 00:42:26,378 --> 00:42:29,679
  3495. - And oddly companionate.
  3496.  
  3497. 788
  3498. 00:42:29,681 --> 00:42:30,613
  3499. - mm-hmm.
  3500.  
  3501. 789
  3502. 00:42:30,615 --> 00:42:31,681
  3503. - I mean, you know,
  3504.  
  3505. 790
  3506. 00:42:31,683 --> 00:42:33,483
  3507. Even down to the the point
  3508.  
  3509. 791
  3510. 00:42:33,485 --> 00:42:35,785
  3511. That she smelled very familiar.
  3512.  
  3513. 792
  3514. 00:42:35,787 --> 00:42:37,987
  3515. Or more particularly, she
  3516. smelled like my sister.
  3517.  
  3518. 793
  3519. 00:42:37,989 --> 00:42:41,457
  3520. But on the other hand
  3521. it's also not so sexy.
  3522.  
  3523. 794
  3524. 00:42:41,459 --> 00:42:43,660
  3525. - It's not sexy at all.
  3526.  
  3527. 795
  3528. 00:42:43,662 --> 00:42:47,130
  3529. - This represents
  3530. what it would look like
  3531.  
  3532. 796
  3533. 00:42:47,132 --> 00:42:48,631
  3534. When it's a generated
  3535.  
  3536. 797
  3537. 00:42:48,633 --> 00:42:51,234
  3538. Pedal power, okay?
  3539.  
  3540. 798
  3541. 00:42:52,202 --> 00:42:56,072
  3542. - her concern was
  3543. that I'm very, very rational.
  3544.  
  3545. 799
  3546. 00:42:56,074 --> 00:42:58,141
  3547. Actually, too rational for her.
  3548.  
  3549. 800
  3550. 00:42:58,143 --> 00:43:02,312
  3551. And I make this whole
  3552. relationship so rational.
  3553.  
  3554. 801
  3555. 00:43:02,314 --> 00:43:05,014
  3556. Yeah, it's just not
  3557. emotional enough for her.
  3558.  
  3559. 802
  3560. 00:43:05,016 --> 00:43:06,849
  3561. - and what does
  3562. she exactly mean by that?
  3563.  
  3564. 803
  3565. 00:43:06,851 --> 00:43:08,518
  3566. - I think
  3567. what she means by it
  3568.  
  3569. 804
  3570. 00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:11,087
  3571. Is that there is probably not
  3572.  
  3573. 805
  3574. 00:43:12,923 --> 00:43:14,524
  3575. I don't know, enough gazing
  3576.  
  3577. 806
  3578. 00:43:14,526 --> 00:43:16,059
  3579. Into each others eyes.
  3580.  
  3581. 807
  3582. 00:43:16,061 --> 00:43:17,327
  3583. - romance, you mean?
  3584.  
  3585. 808
  3586. 00:43:17,329 --> 00:43:23,333
  3587. If there is such a thing
  3588. as passionate love,
  3589.  
  3590. 809
  3591. 00:43:23,335 --> 00:43:27,003
  3592. I am not in passionate
  3593. love with miss private.
  3594.  
  3595. 810
  3596. 00:43:27,005 --> 00:43:28,237
  3597. - So, she senses that?
  3598.  
  3599. 811
  3600. 00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:29,272
  3601. - Yes.
  3602.  
  3603. 812
  3604. 00:43:29,274 --> 00:43:30,540
  3605. - yes.
  3606. -         - yeah.
  3607.  
  3608. 813
  3609. 00:43:32,376 --> 00:43:34,077
  3610. I'm trying to get like
  3611. a perfect packed one.
  3612.  
  3613. 814
  3614. 00:43:34,079 --> 00:43:35,511
  3615. So, the end is the test.
  3616.  
  3617. 815
  3618. 00:43:35,513 --> 00:43:36,846
  3619. - That looks nice too, though.
  3620.  
  3621. 816
  3622. 00:43:36,848 --> 00:43:39,182
  3623. Using them like this.
  3624.  
  3625. 817
  3626. 00:43:39,184 --> 00:43:40,516
  3627. - Yeah, yep.
  3628.  
  3629. 818
  3630. 00:43:40,518 --> 00:43:41,851
  3631. - Fine, let's go
  3632. for the coffees.
  3633.  
  3634. 819
  3635. 00:43:41,853 --> 00:43:42,785
  3636. Yes, yeah.
  3637.  
  3638. 820
  3639. 00:43:43,687 --> 00:43:45,388
  3640. Hillman is very sick.
  3641.  
  3642. 821
  3643. 00:43:45,390 --> 00:43:46,823
  3644. You're okay now?
  3645.  
  3646. 822
  3647. 00:43:49,593 --> 00:43:52,362
  3648. He does not wanna talk about it.
  3649.  
  3650. 823
  3651. 00:43:53,364 --> 00:43:56,432
  3652. He's been absent a lot lately,
  3653.  
  3654. 824
  3655. 00:43:56,434 --> 00:44:00,470
  3656. And the whole team has
  3657. been avoiding the issue.
  3658.  
  3659. 825
  3660. 00:44:03,307 --> 00:44:06,709
  3661. I'm not quite sure
  3662. how to bring it up.
  3663.  
  3664. 826
  3665. 00:44:06,711 --> 00:44:07,810
  3666. I was missing you badly,
  3667.  
  3668. 827
  3669. 00:44:07,812 --> 00:44:10,480
  3670. And missing the input badly.
  3671.  
  3672. 828
  3673. 00:44:43,814 --> 00:44:45,114
  3674. - I want you to be involved
  3675.  
  3676. 829
  3677. 00:44:45,116 --> 00:44:49,085
  3678. Every single step of the way.
  3679.  
  3680. 830
  3681. 00:44:49,087 --> 00:44:50,520
  3682. - On all things.
  3683.  
  3684. 831
  3685. 00:44:50,522 --> 00:44:53,423
  3686. I'm extremely aware that
  3687. the little graphic shots
  3688.  
  3689. 832
  3690. 00:44:53,425 --> 00:44:55,091
  3691. Are not gonna make the movie.
  3692.  
  3693. 833
  3694. 00:44:55,093 --> 00:44:55,925
  3695. They're gonna be sweet
  3696.  
  3697. 834
  3698. 00:44:55,927 --> 00:44:59,295
  3699. Nice little things, the
  3700. movie will need a story.
  3701.  
  3702. 835
  3703. 00:44:59,297 --> 00:45:00,797
  3704. And it needs to be emotional.
  3705.  
  3706. 836
  3707. 00:45:00,799 --> 00:45:04,801
  3708. And I think that I'm very
  3709. much relying on you for that.
  3710.  
  3711. 837
  3712. 00:45:18,115 --> 00:45:22,385
  3713. - so miss private
  3714. and I split up.
  3715.  
  3716. 838
  3717. 00:45:22,387 --> 00:45:23,219
  3718. - you did?
  3719.  
  3720. 839
  3721. 00:45:23,221 --> 00:45:28,624
  3722. She said, well, I think
  3723. we both made up our minds.
  3724.  
  3725. 840
  3726. 00:45:28,626 --> 00:45:31,961
  3727. And we clearly both knew
  3728. what she was talking about.
  3729.  
  3730. 841
  3731. 00:45:31,963 --> 00:45:33,996
  3732. Ultimately my guess would
  3733.  
  3734. 842
  3735. 00:45:33,998 --> 00:45:35,398
  3736. Be that that is, you know,
  3737.  
  3738. 843
  3739. 00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:39,836
  3740. Just another boring
  3741. fear of commitment.
  3742.  
  3743. 844
  3744. 00:45:39,838 --> 00:45:40,970
  3745. - I think I called it trapped,
  3746.  
  3747. 845
  3748. 00:45:40,972 --> 00:45:42,238
  3749. And you called it bound.
  3750.  
  3751. 846
  3752. 00:45:42,240 --> 00:45:43,139
  3753. Do you remember that?
  3754.  
  3755. 847
  3756. 00:45:43,141 --> 00:45:46,042
  3757. - I think you have a big
  3758. fear of being trapped
  3759.  
  3760. 848
  3761. 00:45:46,044 --> 00:45:48,644
  3762. In a conflictual situation.
  3763.  
  3764. 849
  3765. 00:45:48,646 --> 00:45:51,748
  3766. And most people
  3767. who avoid commitment
  3768.  
  3769. 850
  3770. 00:45:52,483 --> 00:45:54,684
  3771. Are really avoiding conflict.
  3772.  
  3773. 851
  3774. 00:45:54,686 --> 00:45:57,687
  3775. - It's strange, I know with
  3776. people that work with me,
  3777.  
  3778. 852
  3779. 00:45:57,689 --> 00:45:59,756
  3780. After 10 minutes,
  3781.  
  3782. 853
  3783. 00:45:59,758 --> 00:46:01,257
  3784. No problem at all.
  3785.  
  3786. 854
  3787. 00:46:01,259 --> 00:46:03,326
  3788. And I've not been somebody
  3789.  
  3790. 855
  3791. 00:46:03,328 --> 00:46:07,396
  3792. Who falls in love
  3793. at first sight at all.
  3794.  
  3795. 856
  3796. 00:46:07,398 --> 00:46:08,998
  3797. you have a lot of caution.
  3798.  
  3799. 857
  3800. 00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:10,500
  3801. - Yep.
  3802.  
  3803. 858
  3804. 00:46:10,502 --> 00:46:12,668
  3805. - A lot of caution
  3806. about falling in love.
  3807.  
  3808. 859
  3809. 00:46:12,670 --> 00:46:14,704
  3810. Maybe not about
  3811. everything in life,
  3812.  
  3813. 860
  3814. 00:46:14,706 --> 00:46:17,807
  3815. But certainly
  3816. about falling in love.
  3817.  
  3818. 861
  3819. 00:46:20,377 --> 00:46:22,211
  3820. - I guess,
  3821. you know, what I'm trying
  3822.  
  3823. 862
  3824. 00:46:22,213 --> 00:46:23,379
  3825. To figure out here is
  3826. whether something about
  3827.  
  3828. 863
  3829. 00:46:23,381 --> 00:46:24,781
  3830. You or your strengths,
  3831.  
  3832. 864
  3833. 00:46:24,783 --> 00:46:26,182
  3834. The way you live your life,
  3835.  
  3836. 865
  3837. 00:46:26,184 --> 00:46:27,683
  3838. Makes it simply difficult
  3839. for you to connect
  3840.  
  3841. 866
  3842. 00:46:27,685 --> 00:46:29,352
  3843. Deeply with women.
  3844.  
  3845. 867
  3846. 00:46:29,354 --> 00:46:30,186
  3847. - Yeah.
  3848.  
  3849. 868
  3850. 00:46:30,188 --> 00:46:32,355
  3851. And that's why
  3852. we call it falling.
  3853.  
  3854. 869
  3855. 00:46:32,357 --> 00:46:33,723
  3856. You don't have to choose fall.
  3857.  
  3858. 870
  3859. 00:46:33,725 --> 00:46:36,759
  3860. You're just walking along
  3861. and you fall.
  3862.  
  3863. 871
  3864. 00:46:36,761 --> 00:46:40,363
  3865. It's developing a long term
  3866. companionate love relationship,
  3867.  
  3868. 872
  3869. 00:46:40,365 --> 00:46:41,798
  3870. That's what's harder.
  3871.  
  3872. 873
  3873. 00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:44,066
  3874. - So, do you think that...
  3875.  
  3876. 874
  3877. 00:46:46,870 --> 00:46:49,372
  3878. That's the question,
  3879. do you think that a long term
  3880.  
  3881. 875
  3882. 00:46:49,374 --> 00:46:51,707
  3883. Companionate relationship
  3884. is possible without the
  3885.  
  3886. 876
  3887. 00:46:51,709 --> 00:46:53,409
  3888. Passion that comes up front--
  3889.  
  3890. 877
  3891. 00:46:53,411 --> 00:46:54,610
  3892. - Absolutely.
  3893. It's absolutely possible.
  3894.  
  3895. 878
  3896. 00:46:54,612 --> 00:46:55,578
  3897. - It is possible?
  3898. - Yes.
  3899.  
  3900. 879
  3901. 00:46:55,580 --> 00:46:56,813
  3902. - Yeah.
  3903. - Yes.
  3904.  
  3905. 880
  3906. 00:46:56,815 --> 00:47:00,216
  3907. And that's the way traditional
  3908. marriages often were.
  3909.  
  3910. 881
  3911. 00:47:00,218 --> 00:47:01,918
  3912. You simply
  3913. put the people together.
  3914.  
  3915. 882
  3916. 00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:02,885
  3917. They might not love
  3918.  
  3919. 883
  3920. 00:47:02,887 --> 00:47:03,719
  3921. Each other at first,
  3922.  
  3923. 884
  3924. 00:47:03,721 --> 00:47:05,121
  3925. They don't know each other.
  3926.  
  3927. 885
  3928. 00:47:05,123 --> 00:47:06,088
  3929. But they can develop very,
  3930.  
  3931. 886
  3932. 00:47:06,090 --> 00:47:08,224
  3933. Very deep companionate
  3934. love relationships.
  3935.  
  3936. 887
  3937. 00:47:08,226 --> 00:47:09,058
  3938. So, it's not that the
  3939.  
  3940. 888
  3941. 00:47:09,060 --> 00:47:11,227
  3942. Passionate love is essential.
  3943.  
  3944. 889
  3945. 00:47:11,229 --> 00:47:13,596
  3946. But it is one of
  3947. the greatest experiences
  3948.  
  3949. 890
  3950. 00:47:13,598 --> 00:47:16,566
  3951. And for somebody who
  3952. craves peak experiences,
  3953.  
  3954. 891
  3955. 00:47:16,568 --> 00:47:18,601
  3956. And strong emotions,
  3957.  
  3958. 892
  3959. 00:47:18,603 --> 00:47:20,903
  3960. It is one that I would
  3961. not want you to miss.
  3962.  
  3963. 893
  3964. 00:47:20,905 --> 00:47:22,405
  3965. - But from your point of view,
  3966.  
  3967. 894
  3968. 00:47:22,407 --> 00:47:25,174
  3969. Miss private and I
  3970. could actually have
  3971.  
  3972. 895
  3973. 00:47:25,176 --> 00:47:27,176
  3974. Developed
  3975. a beautiful relationship
  3976.  
  3977. 896
  3978. 00:47:27,178 --> 00:47:29,245
  3979. Even though it didn't
  3980. feel very passionate
  3981.  
  3982. 897
  3983. 00:47:29,247 --> 00:47:31,347
  3984. At the beginning.
  3985. - Absolutely, absolutely.
  3986.  
  3987. 898
  3988. 00:47:37,988 --> 00:47:40,189
  3989. - Let's see that last one again.
  3990.  
  3991. 899
  3992. 00:47:40,191 --> 00:47:42,792
  3993. - It just ends with the plane.
  3994.  
  3995. 900
  3996. 00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:46,863
  3997. - I'm really trying to
  3998. work more on the film
  3999.  
  4000. 901
  4001. 00:47:46,865 --> 00:47:50,099
  4002. And less on our regular
  4003. commercial projects.
  4004.  
  4005. 902
  4006. 00:47:50,101 --> 00:47:52,768
  4007. - and then you'll
  4008. think of some ideas?
  4009.  
  4010. 903
  4011. 00:47:52,770 --> 00:47:53,603
  4012. - Yes.
  4013.  
  4014. 904
  4015. 00:47:53,605 --> 00:47:54,437
  4016. - great.
  4017.  
  4018. 905
  4019. 00:47:54,439 --> 00:47:55,371
  4020. - Should we set a deadline?
  4021.  
  4022. 906
  4023. 00:47:55,373 --> 00:47:57,273
  4024. - Otherwise, I'm just
  4025. gonna forget.
  4026.  
  4027. 907
  4028. 00:47:57,275 --> 00:47:58,274
  4029. - Yeah.
  4030.  
  4031. 908
  4032. 00:47:58,276 --> 00:47:59,675
  4033. - Jessica has great ideas,
  4034.  
  4035. 909
  4036. 00:47:59,677 --> 00:48:01,510
  4037. Knows how to execute them,
  4038.  
  4039. 910
  4040. 00:48:01,512 --> 00:48:03,179
  4041. And most important of all,
  4042.  
  4043. 911
  4044. 00:48:03,181 --> 00:48:04,614
  4045. Has the wherewithal
  4046.  
  4047. 912
  4048. 00:48:04,616 --> 00:48:06,148
  4049. To make them real.
  4050.  
  4051. 913
  4052. 00:48:06,150 --> 00:48:08,117
  4053. - Well, we could film,
  4054. like, crops.
  4055.  
  4056. 914
  4057. 00:48:08,119 --> 00:48:09,719
  4058. - yeah.
  4059.  
  4060. 915
  4061. 00:48:09,721 --> 00:48:11,187
  4062. Even though she's super young,
  4063.  
  4064. 916
  4065. 00:48:11,189 --> 00:48:14,056
  4066. She's crazily experienced.
  4067.  
  4068. 917
  4069. 00:48:14,058 --> 00:48:17,126
  4070. I mean, she designed a website
  4071. showing other designers
  4072.  
  4073. 918
  4074. 00:48:17,128 --> 00:48:19,729
  4075. How to design websites at 13.
  4076.  
  4077. 919
  4078. 00:48:32,643 --> 00:48:34,410
  4079. I asked her
  4080. if she wants to become
  4081.  
  4082. 920
  4083. 00:48:34,412 --> 00:48:36,512
  4084. A partner in the studio.
  4085.  
  4086. 921
  4087. 00:48:37,681 --> 00:48:38,614
  4088. She did.
  4089.  
  4090. 922
  4091. 00:48:38,616 --> 00:48:40,983
  4092. - Pouring like a yellow
  4093. paint or something,
  4094.  
  4095. 923
  4096. 00:48:40,985 --> 00:48:43,185
  4097. And you saw the dripping.
  4098.  
  4099. 924
  4100. 00:48:45,656 --> 00:48:48,557
  4101. Maybe we start with the plants.
  4102.  
  4103. 925
  4104. 00:48:48,559 --> 00:48:51,327
  4105. - we renamed the
  4106. studio sagmeister and walsh,
  4107.  
  4108. 926
  4109. 00:48:51,329 --> 00:48:54,830
  4110. And designed a card
  4111. announcing that.
  4112.  
  4113. 927
  4114. 00:48:54,832 --> 00:48:56,666
  4115. We might need
  4116. some books for you.
  4117.  
  4118. 928
  4119. 00:48:56,668 --> 00:49:01,337
  4120. - okay, and I think
  4121. we need about this many.
  4122.  
  4123. 929
  4124. 00:49:01,339 --> 00:49:02,772
  4125. - okay.
  4126.  
  4127. 930
  4128. 00:49:04,074 --> 00:49:05,574
  4129. - Okay, and here we are.
  4130.  
  4131. 931
  4132. 00:49:05,576 --> 00:49:09,111
  4133. Okay, guys,
  4134. and start looking at me.
  4135.  
  4136. 932
  4137. 00:49:09,113 --> 00:49:10,279
  4138. Look above me.
  4139.  
  4140. 933
  4141. 00:49:10,281 --> 00:49:12,281
  4142. And you're just
  4143. looking at each other
  4144.  
  4145. 934
  4146. 00:49:12,283 --> 00:49:13,382
  4147. As you're standing there.
  4148.  
  4149. 935
  4150. 00:49:13,384 --> 00:49:14,517
  4151. Cool, okay, and now
  4152.  
  4153. 936
  4154. 00:49:14,519 --> 00:49:16,052
  4155. Switch it around.
  4156.  
  4157. 937
  4158. 00:49:17,254 --> 00:49:18,921
  4159. Great, again, both
  4160. looking at me.
  4161.  
  4162. 938
  4163. 00:49:18,923 --> 00:49:19,855
  4164. Great.
  4165.  
  4166. 939
  4167. 00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:22,024
  4168. Okay.
  4169.  
  4170. 940
  4171. 00:49:22,026 --> 00:49:25,528
  4172. - Oh, my god, did you
  4173. tan for this, specially?
  4174.  
  4175. 941
  4176. 00:49:25,530 --> 00:49:26,462
  4177. - Maybe.
  4178.  
  4179. 942
  4180. 00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:46,215
  4181. ♪ I have a wound
  4182.  
  4183. 943
  4184. 00:49:46,217 --> 00:49:49,585
  4185. ♪ that never will heal
  4186.  
  4187. 944
  4188. 00:49:55,559 --> 00:49:57,059
  4189. ♪ and you are
  4190.  
  4191. 945
  4192. 00:49:57,061 --> 00:50:01,163
  4193. ♪ the one
  4194. that constantly peels ♪
  4195.  
  4196. 946
  4197. 00:50:08,438 --> 00:50:11,407
  4198. ♪ the skin away
  4199.  
  4200. 947
  4201. 00:50:11,409 --> 00:50:14,677
  4202. ♪ each and every day
  4203.  
  4204. 948
  4205. 00:50:20,584 --> 00:50:22,752
  4206. ♪ why don't you please
  4207.  
  4208. 949
  4209. 00:50:22,754 --> 00:50:24,320
  4210. ♪ why don't you please
  4211.  
  4212. 950
  4213. 00:50:24,322 --> 00:50:27,690
  4214. ♪ why don't you please
  4215.  
  4216. 951
  4217. 00:50:32,596 --> 00:50:36,165
  4218. ♪ and I have a way
  4219.  
  4220. 952
  4221. 00:50:36,167 --> 00:50:39,702
  4222. ♪ of seeing these things
  4223.  
  4224. 953
  4225. 00:50:45,275 --> 00:50:49,278
  4226. ♪ the skin on your bones
  4227.  
  4228. 954
  4229. 00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:52,715
  4230. ♪ it comes deadly aloes
  4231.  
  4232. 955
  4233. 00:50:57,788 --> 00:50:59,522
  4234. ♪ pull it away
  4235.  
  4236. 956
  4237. 00:50:59,524 --> 00:51:01,290
  4238. ♪ pull it away
  4239.  
  4240. 957
  4241. 00:51:01,292 --> 00:51:03,959
  4242. ♪ pull it away
  4243.  
  4244. 958
  4245. 00:51:13,470 --> 00:51:15,237
  4246. - okay.
  4247.  
  4248. 959
  4249. 00:51:18,875 --> 00:51:19,809
  4250. Okay.
  4251.  
  4252. 960
  4253. 00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:25,648
  4254. - well, I felt
  4255.  
  4256. 961
  4257. 00:51:25,650 --> 00:51:27,416
  4258. It was sort of strange that
  4259.  
  4260. 962
  4261. 00:51:27,418 --> 00:51:30,352
  4262. We are making
  4263. a movie on happiness
  4264.  
  4265. 963
  4266. 00:51:31,254 --> 00:51:35,057
  4267. And we having a director,
  4268. a co-director,
  4269.  
  4270. 964
  4271. 00:51:35,059 --> 00:51:37,827
  4272. Who is, you know, seriously ill.
  4273.  
  4274. 965
  4275. 00:51:39,429 --> 00:51:41,497
  4276. How do you feel?
  4277.  
  4278. 966
  4279. 00:51:41,499 --> 00:51:42,431
  4280. - Just
  4281.  
  4282. 967
  4283. 00:51:45,068 --> 00:51:48,704
  4284. Having been dealt a set of cards
  4285.  
  4286. 968
  4287. 00:51:51,007 --> 00:51:53,275
  4288. That are really difficult,
  4289.  
  4290. 969
  4291. 00:51:54,077 --> 00:51:56,879
  4292. You know, and no breaks.
  4293.  
  4294. 970
  4295. 00:51:56,881 --> 00:51:58,781
  4296. - In some ways,
  4297. I'm actually surprised
  4298.  
  4299. 971
  4300. 00:51:58,783 --> 00:52:01,684
  4301. That you still
  4302. wanna be a part of it.
  4303.  
  4304. 972
  4305. 00:52:01,686 --> 00:52:03,953
  4306. For all the sort of daily crap
  4307.  
  4308. 973
  4309. 00:52:03,955 --> 00:52:08,858
  4310. That documentary film
  4311. making brings with it.
  4312.  
  4313. 974
  4314. 00:52:08,860 --> 00:52:11,460
  4315. You know, that you
  4316. don't just say, oh, no.
  4317.  
  4318. 975
  4319. 00:52:11,462 --> 00:52:13,929
  4320. - You know, I mean,
  4321. I've got two kids.
  4322.  
  4323. 976
  4324. 00:52:13,931 --> 00:52:17,700
  4325. I like to see them
  4326. watch me work.
  4327.  
  4328. 977
  4329. 00:52:20,103 --> 00:52:22,771
  4330. It's really gratifying.
  4331.  
  4332. 978
  4333. 00:52:22,773 --> 00:52:26,242
  4334. They get to see
  4335. what their dad does.
  4336.  
  4337. 979
  4338. 00:52:28,645 --> 00:52:29,979
  4339. It floats your,
  4340.  
  4341. 980
  4342. 00:52:38,722 --> 00:52:40,489
  4343. Well-being, I guess.
  4344.  
  4345. 981
  4346. 00:52:43,894 --> 00:52:45,494
  4347. - There were times
  4348.  
  4349. 982
  4350. 00:52:48,398 --> 00:52:50,733
  4351. When I'd almost wish it would
  4352.  
  4353. 983
  4354. 00:52:50,735 --> 00:52:52,801
  4355. Be the other way around.
  4356.  
  4357. 984
  4358. 00:52:52,803 --> 00:52:55,004
  4359. I mean, are you
  4360. angry at all, or?
  4361.  
  4362. 985
  4363. 00:52:55,006 --> 00:52:57,740
  4364. - I've done the angry thing.
  4365.  
  4366. 986
  4367. 00:52:57,742 --> 00:52:58,707
  4368. So heavily.
  4369.  
  4370. 987
  4371. 00:52:59,843 --> 00:53:00,776
  4372. Chairs.
  4373.  
  4374. 988
  4375. 00:53:01,945 --> 00:53:02,878
  4376. Books.
  4377.  
  4378. 989
  4379. 00:53:03,847 --> 00:53:04,914
  4380. All kinds of things.
  4381.  
  4382. 990
  4383. 00:53:04,916 --> 00:53:06,081
  4384. - what,
  4385. you've thrown chairs?
  4386.  
  4387. 991
  4388. 00:53:06,083 --> 00:53:07,082
  4389. - Oh, sure.
  4390.  
  4391. 992
  4392. 00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:11,187
  4393. I did that.
  4394.  
  4395. 993
  4396. 00:53:12,289 --> 00:53:14,657
  4397. And all it did, really,
  4398.  
  4399. 994
  4400. 00:53:14,659 --> 00:53:18,027
  4401. Was scare the kids.
  4402.  
  4403. 995
  4404. 00:53:18,762 --> 00:53:21,230
  4405. Just scared my wife,
  4406.  
  4407. 996
  4408. 00:53:23,099 --> 00:53:25,734
  4409. And made me feel bad.
  4410.  
  4411. 997
  4412. 00:53:46,323 --> 00:53:47,623
  4413. - For hillman, the
  4414.  
  4415. 998
  4416. 00:53:47,625 --> 00:53:48,791
  4417. Last year of his life
  4418.  
  4419. 999
  4420. 00:53:48,793 --> 00:53:50,359
  4421. Was not about changing,
  4422.  
  4423. 1000
  4424. 00:53:50,361 --> 00:53:51,493
  4425. But about trying to keep
  4426.  
  4427. 1001
  4428. 00:53:51,495 --> 00:53:53,929
  4429. Everything exactly the same.
  4430.  
  4431. 1002
  4432. 00:53:56,132 --> 00:54:00,135
  4433. He wanted to eat ice cream
  4434. with our kids.
  4435.  
  4436. 1003
  4437. 00:54:00,137 --> 00:54:02,805
  4438. He wanted to work on
  4439. the happy film.
  4440.  
  4441. 1004
  4442. 00:54:02,807 --> 00:54:05,374
  4443. He wanted to
  4444. lie in bed and talk.
  4445.  
  4446. 1005
  4447. 00:54:05,376 --> 00:54:09,311
  4448. And he wanted to have
  4449. friends over for dinner.
  4450.  
  4451. 1006
  4452. 00:54:11,181 --> 00:54:13,816
  4453. Why should I accept death,
  4454. he'd ask me,
  4455.  
  4456. 1007
  4457. 00:54:13,818 --> 00:54:16,318
  4458. When my life is so beautiful?
  4459.  
  4460. 1008
  4461. 00:55:14,044 --> 00:55:16,845
  4462. - I'm not sad enough.
  4463.  
  4464. 1009
  4465. 00:55:19,482 --> 00:55:20,416
  4466. I'm sad
  4467.  
  4468. 1010
  4469. 00:55:21,484 --> 00:55:23,585
  4470. That I'm not sad enough.
  4471.  
  4472. 1011
  4473. 00:55:29,592 --> 00:55:33,529
  4474. I had a wonderful
  4475. conversation with christina.
  4476.  
  4477. 1012
  4478. 00:55:38,601 --> 00:55:40,102
  4479. She is so honest.
  4480.  
  4481. 1013
  4482. 00:55:41,604 --> 00:55:42,905
  4483. I really can learn from her.
  4484.  
  4485. 1014
  4486. 00:55:42,907 --> 00:55:46,275
  4487. I mean, she really goes deep.
  4488.  
  4489. 1015
  4490. 00:55:46,277 --> 00:55:48,444
  4491. You know, I asked her
  4492. how she's doing.
  4493.  
  4494. 1016
  4495. 00:55:48,446 --> 00:55:50,579
  4496. And she said, well,
  4497.  
  4498. 1017
  4499. 00:55:50,581 --> 00:55:53,015
  4500. Tess is just thriving.
  4501.  
  4502. 1018
  4503. 00:55:53,017 --> 00:55:53,916
  4504. Her youngest daughter
  4505.  
  4506. 1019
  4507. 00:55:53,918 --> 00:55:55,351
  4508. Is just thriving
  4509.  
  4510. 1020
  4511. 00:55:56,453 --> 00:55:58,087
  4512. Since hillman died.
  4513.  
  4514. 1021
  4515. 00:55:58,089 --> 00:56:00,255
  4516. What a difficult thing to admit.
  4517.  
  4518. 1022
  4519. 00:56:03,860 --> 00:56:05,928
  4520. And you notice that it's just,
  4521.  
  4522. 1023
  4523. 00:56:05,930 --> 00:56:08,864
  4524. There was so much sadness
  4525. in their house,
  4526.  
  4527. 1024
  4528. 00:56:08,866 --> 00:56:10,799
  4529. That it's so great to
  4530.  
  4531. 1025
  4532. 00:56:10,801 --> 00:56:12,768
  4533. Have that sadness lifted.
  4534.  
  4535. 1026
  4536. 00:56:12,770 --> 00:56:14,770
  4537. And that, if she's, later on,
  4538.  
  4539. 1027
  4540. 00:56:14,772 --> 00:56:16,205
  4541. I'm sure that she's
  4542. gonna realize
  4543.  
  4544. 1028
  4545. 00:56:16,207 --> 00:56:18,841
  4546. That she has no dad.
  4547.  
  4548. 1029
  4549. 00:56:18,843 --> 00:56:20,275
  4550. And there's going to be
  4551. difficulties with that.
  4552.  
  4553. 1030
  4554. 00:56:20,277 --> 00:56:22,878
  4555. But right now, she's thriving.
  4556.  
  4557. 1031
  4558. 00:56:23,613 --> 00:56:25,547
  4559. And when I said, well,
  4560.  
  4561. 1032
  4562. 00:56:26,516 --> 00:56:28,984
  4563. Correct me if I'm wrong but,
  4564.  
  4565. 1033
  4566. 00:56:28,986 --> 00:56:33,288
  4567. I would think that hillman
  4568. would be thrilled with that,
  4569.  
  4570. 1034
  4571. 00:56:33,290 --> 00:56:35,457
  4572. She said, oh, was
  4573.  
  4574. 1035
  4575. 00:56:35,459 --> 00:56:36,325
  4576. Not quite sure,
  4577.  
  4578. 1036
  4579. 00:56:36,327 --> 00:56:37,459
  4580. She was sort of quiet, and
  4581.  
  4582. 1037
  4583. 00:56:37,461 --> 00:56:39,294
  4584. I said, well, or not.
  4585.  
  4586. 1038
  4587. 00:56:39,729 --> 00:56:42,698
  4588. There's a darkness in all of us.
  4589.  
  4590. 1039
  4591. 00:56:42,700 --> 00:56:44,466
  4592. And an imperfection.
  4593.  
  4594. 1040
  4595. 00:57:33,917 --> 00:57:36,618
  4596. - it only hits me now.
  4597.  
  4598. 1041
  4599. 00:57:38,087 --> 00:57:39,121
  4600. I miss him.
  4601.  
  4602. 1042
  4603. 00:57:40,790 --> 00:57:41,890
  4604. I really do.
  4605.  
  4606. 1043
  4607. 00:57:55,371 --> 00:57:57,706
  4608. - Given the information
  4609. that we've gathered
  4610.  
  4611. 1044
  4612. 00:57:57,708 --> 00:57:59,741
  4613. In terms of your genetics,
  4614.  
  4615. 1045
  4616. 00:57:59,743 --> 00:58:01,076
  4617. I have to say that you're
  4618.  
  4619. 1046
  4620. 00:58:01,078 --> 00:58:03,545
  4621. Probably the healthiest person
  4622.  
  4623. 1047
  4624. 00:58:03,547 --> 00:58:06,882
  4625. That I've seen
  4626. all week in my practice.
  4627.  
  4628. 1048
  4629. 00:58:09,052 --> 00:58:12,488
  4630. So let's talk,
  4631. then, about anxiety.
  4632.  
  4633. 1049
  4634. 00:58:13,556 --> 00:58:16,391
  4635. - If I would go into a room
  4636.  
  4637. 1050
  4638. 00:58:16,393 --> 00:58:18,060
  4639. Where I don't know anybody,
  4640.  
  4641. 1051
  4642. 00:58:18,062 --> 00:58:20,295
  4643. I can be quite good about that
  4644.  
  4645. 1052
  4646. 00:58:20,297 --> 00:58:21,563
  4647. With a little bit of a going
  4648.  
  4649. 1053
  4650. 00:58:21,565 --> 00:58:23,832
  4651. Over a bump, introduce myself.
  4652.  
  4653. 1054
  4654. 00:58:23,834 --> 00:58:26,935
  4655. Or I can also be
  4656. anxious about that.
  4657.  
  4658. 1055
  4659. 00:58:27,904 --> 00:58:29,905
  4660. - And you don't suffer
  4661. from being lonely?
  4662.  
  4663. 1056
  4664. 00:58:29,907 --> 00:58:31,306
  4665. - no.
  4666.  
  4667. 1057
  4668. 00:58:31,308 --> 00:58:32,441
  4669. No, I really don't.
  4670.  
  4671. 1058
  4672. 00:58:32,443 --> 00:58:33,976
  4673. And spending time by yourself
  4674.  
  4675. 1059
  4676. 00:58:33,978 --> 00:58:34,810
  4677. Is okay?
  4678.  
  4679. 1060
  4680. 00:58:34,812 --> 00:58:37,446
  4681. - you're okay       in your own company?
  4682. - Yes.
  4683.  
  4684. 1061
  4685. 00:58:37,448 --> 00:58:39,081
  4686. - So, your anxiety levels then
  4687.  
  4688. 1062
  4689. 00:58:39,083 --> 00:58:41,950
  4690. - I'm a little bit
  4691. afraid I'm painting this
  4692.  
  4693. 1063
  4694. 00:58:41,952 --> 00:58:43,085
  4695. Picture a little bit too rosy.
  4696.  
  4697. 1064
  4698. 00:58:43,087 --> 00:58:44,253
  4699. I'm afraid at the end I'm not
  4700.  
  4701. 1065
  4702. 00:58:44,255 --> 00:58:46,255
  4703. Gonna get anything because--
  4704.  
  4705. 1066
  4706. 00:58:46,257 --> 00:58:47,923
  4707. - well,
  4708. we'll talk about it though.
  4709.  
  4710. 1067
  4711. 00:58:47,925 --> 00:58:49,758
  4712. I mean, if you were coming to me
  4713.  
  4714. 1068
  4715. 00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:53,495
  4716. And reporting mild
  4717. anxiety that you wanted to
  4718.  
  4719. 1069
  4720. 00:58:53,497 --> 00:58:55,464
  4721. Do something about,
  4722.  
  4723. 1070
  4724. 00:58:55,466 --> 00:58:57,933
  4725. I wouldn't be opposed
  4726. to prescribing
  4727.  
  4728. 1071
  4729. 00:58:57,935 --> 00:58:59,801
  4730. Something like lexapro
  4731.  
  4732. 1072
  4733. 00:58:59,803 --> 00:59:02,504
  4734. In a low dose for you,
  4735. as a trial.
  4736.  
  4737. 1073
  4738. 00:59:02,506 --> 00:59:03,872
  4739. - Yeah.
  4740.  
  4741. 1074
  4742. 00:59:03,874 --> 00:59:05,774
  4743. - But it has side effects.
  4744.  
  4745. 1075
  4746. 00:59:05,776 --> 00:59:11,046
  4747. - The side effects are dry
  4748. mouth, headache, gi upset,
  4749.  
  4750. 1076
  4751. 00:59:13,716 --> 00:59:15,684
  4752. Anxiety, insomnia--
  4753.  
  4754. 1077
  4755. 00:59:15,686 --> 00:59:18,787
  4756. That's not a very good
  4757. side effect to have, no?
  4758.  
  4759. 1078
  4760. 00:59:18,789 --> 00:59:22,224
  4761. - These are all possible
  4762. side effects.
  4763.  
  4764. 1079
  4765. 00:59:22,226 --> 00:59:25,127
  4766. 98% of the people
  4767. who take lexapro
  4768.  
  4769. 1080
  4770. 00:59:25,129 --> 00:59:28,463
  4771. Feel calmer and feel better.
  4772.  
  4773. 1081
  4774. 00:59:28,465 --> 00:59:31,199
  4775. The other thing that happens
  4776. when you first start a
  4777.  
  4778. 1082
  4779. 00:59:31,201 --> 00:59:32,801
  4780. Medication like this,
  4781.  
  4782. 1083
  4783. 00:59:32,803 --> 00:59:35,237
  4784. Your brain is going
  4785. through some changes.
  4786.  
  4787. 1084
  4788. 00:59:35,239 --> 00:59:38,206
  4789. Actually, your neural circuits
  4790. are sort of
  4791.  
  4792. 1085
  4793. 00:59:38,208 --> 00:59:40,142
  4794. Being rearranged.
  4795.  
  4796. 1086
  4797. 00:59:40,144 --> 00:59:43,145
  4798. If everybody knew
  4799. how complicated it was
  4800.  
  4801. 1087
  4802. 00:59:43,147 --> 00:59:44,313
  4803. And what these drugs do,
  4804.  
  4805. 1088
  4806. 00:59:44,315 --> 00:59:46,181
  4807. Probably, nobody
  4808. would take them.
  4809.  
  4810. 1089
  4811. 01:00:15,278 --> 01:00:17,679
  4812. - Yeah, this is the second day.
  4813.  
  4814. 1090
  4815. 01:00:17,681 --> 01:00:21,516
  4816. And I definitely had to
  4817.  
  4818. 1091
  4819. 01:00:23,553 --> 01:00:28,323
  4820. Schlep myself and force
  4821. myself to go running.
  4822.  
  4823. 1092
  4824. 01:00:34,631 --> 01:00:38,033
  4825. This is four days now
  4826. of lexapro.
  4827.  
  4828. 1093
  4829. 01:00:38,534 --> 01:00:40,369
  4830. And I definitely feel
  4831.  
  4832. 1094
  4833. 01:00:41,904 --> 01:00:43,405
  4834. Less energetic.
  4835.  
  4836. 1095
  4837. 01:00:43,407 --> 01:00:45,073
  4838. I sleep more.
  4839.  
  4840. 1096
  4841. 01:00:45,075 --> 01:00:47,676
  4842. Today I even had blotchy skin.
  4843.  
  4844. 1097
  4845. 01:00:48,544 --> 01:00:51,213
  4846. There's actually absolutely
  4847.  
  4848. 1098
  4849. 01:00:51,215 --> 01:00:53,415
  4850. No betterment whatsoever.
  4851.  
  4852. 1099
  4853. 01:00:57,787 --> 01:00:58,920
  4854. there might be one thing
  4855.  
  4856. 1100
  4857. 01:00:58,922 --> 01:01:01,723
  4858. That we could alter slightly,
  4859.  
  4860. 1101
  4861. 01:01:01,725 --> 01:01:04,226
  4862. Rather than having to abandon
  4863.  
  4864. 1102
  4865. 01:01:04,228 --> 01:01:05,927
  4866. The experiment completely.
  4867.  
  4868. 1103
  4869. 01:01:05,929 --> 01:01:07,162
  4870. And that would be to
  4871.  
  4872. 1104
  4873. 01:01:07,164 --> 01:01:08,964
  4874. Change the medicine
  4875.  
  4876. 1105
  4877. 01:01:08,966 --> 01:01:10,298
  4878. To a nighttime dose.
  4879.  
  4880. 1106
  4881. 01:01:10,300 --> 01:01:11,400
  4882. - Oh, excellent.
  4883.  
  4884. 1107
  4885. 01:01:11,402 --> 01:01:14,169
  4886. Meaning that I get lame
  4887. at night and lethargic,
  4888.  
  4889. 1108
  4890. 01:01:14,171 --> 01:01:16,571
  4891. And have the energy
  4892. during the day?
  4893.  
  4894. 1109
  4895. 01:01:16,573 --> 01:01:17,406
  4896. - right.
  4897.  
  4898. 1110
  4899. 01:01:17,408 --> 01:01:18,340
  4900. - Perfect.
  4901.  
  4902. 1111
  4903. 01:01:29,787 --> 01:01:34,856
  4904. In all my lethargy, one
  4905. wonderful thing happened
  4906.  
  4907. 1112
  4908. 01:01:34,858 --> 01:01:37,459
  4909. Though and it was that
  4910.  
  4911. 1113
  4912. 01:01:37,461 --> 01:01:39,695
  4913. A very wonderful interviewer
  4914. came over
  4915.  
  4916. 1114
  4917. 01:01:39,697 --> 01:01:41,496
  4918. To set up an interview for
  4919.  
  4920. 1115
  4921. 01:01:41,498 --> 01:01:43,865
  4922. Some german arty magazine.
  4923.  
  4924. 1116
  4925. 01:01:43,867 --> 01:01:44,800
  4926. And...
  4927.  
  4928. 1117
  4929. 01:01:46,803 --> 01:01:48,937
  4930. We just hit it off.
  4931.  
  4932. 1118
  4933. 01:01:48,939 --> 01:01:51,406
  4934. There was ample time to talk.
  4935.  
  4936. 1119
  4937. 01:01:52,642 --> 01:01:54,276
  4938. And she seems so positive.
  4939.  
  4940. 1120
  4941. 01:01:54,278 --> 01:01:56,445
  4942. And so, we just came
  4943.  
  4944. 1121
  4945. 01:01:56,447 --> 01:01:58,046
  4946. Back onto the roof
  4947.  
  4948. 1122
  4949. 01:01:58,948 --> 01:02:00,282
  4950. And stayed up
  4951.  
  4952. 1123
  4953. 01:02:00,284 --> 01:02:03,051
  4954. Until the sun came up.
  4955.  
  4956. 1124
  4957. 01:02:03,053 --> 01:02:06,655
  4958. And I'll see her
  4959. for dinner again tonight.
  4960.  
  4961. 1125
  4962. 01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:15,731
  4963. Okay, who are you?
  4964.  
  4965. 1126
  4966. 01:02:15,733 --> 01:02:16,732
  4967. - Who am I?
  4968.  
  4969. 1127
  4970. 01:02:21,170 --> 01:02:24,005
  4971. - What do you have
  4972. to say about happiness?
  4973.  
  4974. 1128
  4975. 01:02:24,007 --> 01:02:25,407
  4976. - I enjoy being happy.
  4977.  
  4978. 1129
  4979. 01:02:25,409 --> 01:02:27,642
  4980. How I came about it is
  4981. that I definitely realized
  4982.  
  4983. 1130
  4984. 01:02:27,644 --> 01:02:30,345
  4985. That I'm not so much in control.
  4986.  
  4987. 1131
  4988. 01:02:30,347 --> 01:02:32,848
  4989. I'm happy to experience it,
  4990. you know,
  4991.  
  4992. 1132
  4993. 01:02:32,850 --> 01:02:34,549
  4994. There might be moments
  4995. where I don't,
  4996.  
  4997. 1133
  4998. 01:02:34,551 --> 01:02:36,084
  4999. They're not the most
  5000.  
  5001. 1134
  5002. 01:02:36,086 --> 01:02:37,385
  5003. Desirable moments,
  5004.  
  5005. 1135
  5006. 01:02:37,387 --> 01:02:41,523
  5007. But at the moment,
  5008. I'm doing quite well.
  5009.  
  5010. 1136
  5011. 01:02:41,525 --> 01:02:44,426
  5012. So I would say bring it on.
  5013.  
  5014. 1137
  5015. 01:02:44,428 --> 01:02:45,827
  5016. - What I loved
  5017. about the book was
  5018.  
  5019. 1138
  5020. 01:02:45,829 --> 01:02:49,931
  5021. That he very clearly states
  5022. that in his experience,
  5023.  
  5024. 1139
  5025. 01:02:49,933 --> 01:02:52,267
  5026. Three things work the best.
  5027.  
  5028. 1140
  5029. 01:02:53,669 --> 01:02:57,038
  5030. And I am now speaking
  5031. to you on drugs.
  5032.  
  5033. 1141
  5034. 01:02:58,175 --> 01:03:01,009
  5035. I started this regimen
  5036. two weeks ago
  5037.  
  5038. 1142
  5039. 01:03:01,011 --> 01:03:02,844
  5040. And I truly hated it.
  5041.  
  5042. 1143
  5043. 01:03:03,613 --> 01:03:07,682
  5044. And then four days ago
  5045. I met a girl.
  5046.  
  5047. 1144
  5048. 01:03:08,851 --> 01:03:11,286
  5049. And that changed everything.
  5050.  
  5051. 1145
  5052. 01:03:12,522 --> 01:03:16,358
  5053. So, when you're in
  5054. between drugs and girls,
  5055.  
  5056. 1146
  5057. 01:03:17,693 --> 01:03:19,027
  5058. No competition.
  5059.  
  5060. 1147
  5061. 01:03:20,396 --> 01:03:21,797
  5062. No competition.
  5063.  
  5064. 1148
  5065. 01:03:24,935 --> 01:03:26,234
  5066. My favorite statistics.
  5067.  
  5068. 1149
  5069. 01:03:26,236 --> 01:03:28,703
  5070. There's one comparing
  5071. companionate love
  5072.  
  5073. 1150
  5074. 01:03:28,705 --> 01:03:30,539
  5075. To passionate love.
  5076.  
  5077. 1151
  5078. 01:03:30,541 --> 01:03:35,177
  5079. So, clearly,
  5080. I am now in the top level.
  5081.  
  5082. 1152
  5083. 01:03:38,314 --> 01:03:40,749
  5084. But jonathan says
  5085. that in his research,
  5086.  
  5087. 1153
  5088. 01:03:40,751 --> 01:03:42,551
  5089. This lasts for six months.
  5090.  
  5091. 1154
  5092. 01:03:42,553 --> 01:03:44,219
  5093. If you look at the whole thing
  5094.  
  5095. 1155
  5096. 01:03:44,221 --> 01:03:46,555
  5097. From a 60 year perspective,
  5098.  
  5099. 1156
  5100. 01:03:48,758 --> 01:03:50,725
  5101. The passionate lovers
  5102. look pretty silly.
  5103.  
  5104. 1157
  5105. 01:03:50,727 --> 01:03:52,460
  5106. It looks like
  5107. a flash in the pan.
  5108.  
  5109. 1158
  5110. 01:03:52,462 --> 01:03:54,229
  5111. While the companionate lovers
  5112.  
  5113. 1159
  5114. 01:03:54,231 --> 01:03:56,731
  5115. Are really the ones that stayed.
  5116.  
  5117. 1160
  5118. 01:03:56,733 --> 01:04:03,071
  5119. So, if by November, I'm
  5120. not so passionate in love
  5121.  
  5122. 1161
  5123. 01:04:03,073 --> 01:04:06,441
  5124. With the girl
  5125. that I met five days ago,
  5126.  
  5127. 1162
  5128. 01:04:07,476 --> 01:04:11,079
  5129. I don't have to wonder about
  5130. it, because it's natural.
  5131.  
  5132. 1163
  5133. 01:04:11,081 --> 01:04:12,848
  5134. Because if I would have
  5135. those kind of dopamines
  5136.  
  5137. 1164
  5138. 01:04:12,850 --> 01:04:15,483
  5139. In my body for longer
  5140. than six months,
  5141.  
  5142. 1165
  5143. 01:04:15,485 --> 01:04:19,821
  5144. It would actually be
  5145. very unhealthy for me.
  5146.  
  5147. 1166
  5148. 01:04:19,823 --> 01:04:20,856
  5149. - Like, so many people thought
  5150.  
  5151. 1167
  5152. 01:04:20,858 --> 01:04:21,823
  5153. That it was a performance,
  5154.  
  5155. 1168
  5156. 01:04:21,825 --> 01:04:25,126
  5157. That it was not real,
  5158. that I made you up
  5159.  
  5160. 1169
  5161. 01:04:25,128 --> 01:04:27,596
  5162. Basically for the talk.
  5163.  
  5164. 1170
  5165. 01:04:27,598 --> 01:04:30,932
  5166. - Like the whole thing
  5167. was kind of, like,
  5168. too good to be true.
  5169.  
  5170. 1171
  5171. 01:04:30,934 --> 01:04:32,767
  5172. - I told you, I was not
  5173. lying when I was telling you
  5174.  
  5175. 1172
  5176. 01:04:32,769 --> 01:04:35,437
  5177. That the pharmaceutical
  5178. company hired me.
  5179.  
  5180. 1173
  5181. 01:04:35,439 --> 01:04:37,606
  5182. It's all business, hun.
  5183.  
  5184. 1174
  5185. 01:04:37,608 --> 01:04:42,277
  5186. You know, like, and I will
  5187. expire in three months.
  5188.  
  5189. 1175
  5190. 01:04:42,279 --> 01:04:45,547
  5191. - Well, I can
  5192. tell you that
  5193.  
  5194. 1176
  5195. 01:04:45,549 --> 01:04:47,048
  5196. I love big pharma,
  5197.  
  5198. 1177
  5199. 01:04:47,050 --> 01:04:48,650
  5200. I love big pharma.
  5201.  
  5202. 1178
  5203. 01:05:05,134 --> 01:05:08,803
  5204. - I have to download
  5205. a song from nick cave
  5206.  
  5207. 1179
  5208. 01:05:08,805 --> 01:05:10,805
  5209. Called into my arms.
  5210.  
  5211. 1180
  5212. 01:05:10,807 --> 01:05:14,042
  5213. And I knew, wow,
  5214. it's all so cheesy,
  5215.  
  5216. 1181
  5217. 01:05:14,044 --> 01:05:15,810
  5218. But that's gonna be our song.
  5219.  
  5220. 1182
  5221. 01:05:15,812 --> 01:05:17,512
  5222. I just knew.
  5223.  
  5224. 1183
  5225. 01:05:17,514 --> 01:05:21,783
  5226. ♪ and I don't believe in
  5227. the existence of angels ♪
  5228.  
  5229. 1184
  5230. 01:05:27,690 --> 01:05:32,994
  5231. ♪ but looking at you I
  5232. wonder if that's true ♪
  5233.  
  5234. 1185
  5235. 01:05:34,997 --> 01:05:37,999
  5236. ♪ to each burn a candle
  5237. for you ♪
  5238.  
  5239. 1186
  5240. 01:05:38,001 --> 01:05:41,336
  5241. ♪ to make bright
  5242. and clear your path ♪
  5243.  
  5244. 1187
  5245. 01:05:41,338 --> 01:05:44,005
  5246. ♪ and to walk like
  5247. christ in grace and love ♪
  5248.  
  5249. 1188
  5250. 01:05:44,007 --> 01:05:47,842
  5251. ♪ and guide you into my arms
  5252.  
  5253. 1189
  5254. 01:05:49,845 --> 01:05:54,282
  5255. ♪ into my arms, o lord
  5256.  
  5257. 1190
  5258. 01:05:54,917 --> 01:05:59,454
  5259. ♪ into my arms, o lord
  5260.  
  5261. 1191
  5262. 01:05:59,889 --> 01:06:04,359
  5263. ♪ into my arms, o lord
  5264.  
  5265. 1192
  5266. 01:06:04,361 --> 01:06:05,360
  5267. - Happy?
  5268.  
  5269. 1193
  5270. 01:06:05,362 --> 01:06:08,063
  5271. ♪ into my arms
  5272.  
  5273. 1194
  5274. 01:06:14,870 --> 01:06:18,540
  5275. ♪ but I believe in love
  5276.  
  5277. 1195
  5278. 01:06:18,542 --> 01:06:21,409
  5279. - I asked veza yesterday
  5280.  
  5281. 1196
  5282. 01:06:22,912 --> 01:06:23,878
  5283. If she wants to get married
  5284.  
  5285. 1197
  5286. 01:06:23,880 --> 01:06:25,880
  5287. To me and she said yes.
  5288.  
  5289. 1198
  5290. 01:06:27,383 --> 01:06:29,784
  5291. - I love the idea of
  5292. committing to each other.
  5293.  
  5294. 1199
  5295. 01:06:29,786 --> 01:06:31,720
  5296. And being married to oneself
  5297.  
  5298. 1200
  5299. 01:06:31,722 --> 01:06:33,888
  5300. And being also married to
  5301.  
  5302. 1201
  5303. 01:06:35,157 --> 01:06:37,292
  5304. A partner who you truly love.
  5305.  
  5306. 1202
  5307. 01:06:37,294 --> 01:06:38,393
  5308. And I see that in you.
  5309.  
  5310. 1203
  5311. 01:06:38,395 --> 01:06:40,128
  5312. You're the first man
  5313. who definitely
  5314.  
  5315. 1204
  5316. 01:06:40,130 --> 01:06:42,397
  5317. Sweeps me off the ground.
  5318.  
  5319. 1205
  5320. 01:06:42,399 --> 01:06:45,333
  5321. And definitely
  5322. takes my breath away.
  5323.  
  5324. 1206
  5325. 01:06:45,335 --> 01:06:46,267
  5326. And, you know, makes my
  5327.  
  5328. 1207
  5329. 01:06:46,269 --> 01:06:48,536
  5330. Heart go boom, boom, boom.
  5331.  
  5332. 1208
  5333. 01:06:49,472 --> 01:06:50,739
  5334. Yeah.
  5335.  
  5336. 1209
  5337. 01:06:50,741 --> 01:06:53,141
  5338. You know, I really love you.
  5339.  
  5340. 1210
  5341. 01:06:53,143 --> 01:06:54,242
  5342. I really do.
  5343.  
  5344. 1211
  5345. 01:06:55,945 --> 01:06:57,245
  5346. So, enough now.
  5347.  
  5348. 1212
  5349. 01:06:57,247 --> 01:06:58,913
  5350. - I love you back.
  5351.  
  5352. 1213
  5353. 01:06:58,915 --> 01:07:01,082
  5354. - on three.
  5355.  
  5356. 1214
  5357. 01:07:01,084 --> 01:07:02,017
  5358. One, two.
  5359.  
  5360. 1215
  5361. 01:07:05,187 --> 01:07:06,821
  5362. - I used to say
  5363. that this is so stupid,
  5364.  
  5365. 1216
  5366. 01:07:06,823 --> 01:07:09,791
  5367. Expecting the girl
  5368. to be great in bed,
  5369.  
  5370. 1217
  5371. 01:07:09,793 --> 01:07:11,593
  5372. Be kind, be intelligent,
  5373.  
  5374. 1218
  5375. 01:07:11,595 --> 01:07:13,361
  5376. Funny, beautiful.
  5377.  
  5378. 1219
  5379. 01:07:13,363 --> 01:07:15,997
  5380. The crazy thing
  5381. is that she is it.
  5382.  
  5383. 1220
  5384. 01:07:15,999 --> 01:07:17,332
  5385. I didn't think that
  5386. there was somebody
  5387.  
  5388. 1221
  5389. 01:07:17,334 --> 01:07:18,933
  5390. That perfect out there.
  5391.  
  5392. 1222
  5393. 01:07:18,935 --> 01:07:20,635
  5394. I've never been
  5395. so in love in my life.
  5396.  
  5397. 1223
  5398. 01:07:20,637 --> 01:07:21,770
  5399. Never.
  5400.  
  5401. 1224
  5402. 01:07:21,772 --> 01:07:24,939
  5403. I asked her to marry me
  5404. and she said yes.
  5405.  
  5406. 1225
  5407. 01:07:24,941 --> 01:07:26,441
  5408. This is all after 10 days,
  5409.  
  5410. 1226
  5411. 01:07:26,443 --> 01:07:28,043
  5412. And this is the first woman
  5413. in my life
  5414.  
  5415. 1227
  5416. 01:07:28,045 --> 01:07:30,678
  5417. That I've ever asked
  5418. to marry me.
  5419.  
  5420. 1228
  5421. 01:07:30,680 --> 01:07:31,780
  5422. - Oh, my gosh.
  5423.  
  5424. 1229
  5425. 01:07:31,782 --> 01:07:34,682
  5426. - so, it's,
  5427. suddenly there is that,
  5428.  
  5429. 1230
  5430. 01:07:34,684 --> 01:07:36,885
  5431. Even though I never expected it.
  5432.  
  5433. 1231
  5434. 01:07:36,887 --> 01:07:38,787
  5435. Or at least not consciously
  5436. expected it.
  5437.  
  5438. 1232
  5439. 01:07:38,789 --> 01:07:39,721
  5440. I think unconsciously
  5441.  
  5442. 1233
  5443. 01:07:39,723 --> 01:07:40,789
  5444. Of course I wanted it.
  5445.  
  5446. 1234
  5447. 01:07:40,791 --> 01:07:41,623
  5448. - right.
  5449.  
  5450. 1235
  5451. 01:07:41,625 --> 01:07:45,360
  5452. - And that's just
  5453. eerie in a way.
  5454.  
  5455. 1236
  5456. 01:07:45,362 --> 01:07:48,563
  5457. - Well, I mean, it may or
  5458. may not be a coincidence
  5459.  
  5460. 1237
  5461. 01:07:48,565 --> 01:07:51,499
  5462. That you met the perfect woman
  5463.  
  5464. 1238
  5465. 01:07:51,501 --> 01:07:53,968
  5466. During this medication trial.
  5467.  
  5468. 1239
  5469. 01:07:53,970 --> 01:07:57,138
  5470. You, over the last 49 years
  5471.  
  5472. 1240
  5473. 01:07:57,140 --> 01:08:01,543
  5474. Have been anxious and
  5475. sort of tightly wound.
  5476.  
  5477. 1241
  5478. 01:08:01,545 --> 01:08:02,544
  5479. This is the first time
  5480.  
  5481. 1242
  5482. 01:08:02,546 --> 01:08:04,312
  5483. You ever tried anything
  5484.  
  5485. 1243
  5486. 01:08:04,314 --> 01:08:06,681
  5487. That took away that anxiety.
  5488.  
  5489. 1244
  5490. 01:08:06,683 --> 01:08:09,084
  5491. So maybe it's opened you up.
  5492.  
  5493. 1245
  5494. 01:08:09,086 --> 01:08:11,152
  5495. I'm much more sharing.
  5496.  
  5497. 1246
  5498. 01:08:11,154 --> 01:08:13,421
  5499. I talk much more
  5500. than I normally would.
  5501.  
  5502. 1247
  5503. 01:08:13,423 --> 01:08:16,391
  5504. I stopped eating, I lost
  5505. 15 pounds in the meantime.
  5506.  
  5507. 1248
  5508. 01:08:16,393 --> 01:08:19,227
  5509. I sleep very little, between
  5510. three and five hours a day.
  5511.  
  5512. 1249
  5513. 01:08:19,229 --> 01:08:20,662
  5514. And I have incredible energy.
  5515.  
  5516. 1250
  5517. 01:08:20,664 --> 01:08:22,764
  5518. Like, my work
  5519. is going fantastic.
  5520.  
  5521. 1251
  5522. 01:08:22,766 --> 01:08:24,499
  5523. - are you using
  5524. more caffeine?
  5525.  
  5526. 1252
  5527. 01:08:24,501 --> 01:08:27,735
  5528. Yeah, I mean, yesterday I'm
  5529. sure I had 15 espressos.
  5530.  
  5531. 1253
  5532. 01:08:27,737 --> 01:08:29,204
  5533. - 15?
  5534.  
  5535. 1254
  5536. 01:08:29,206 --> 01:08:30,638
  5537. - yeah.
  5538.  
  5539. 1255
  5540. 01:08:42,518 --> 01:08:44,619
  5541. can I see this on you?
  5542.  
  5543. 1256
  5544. 01:08:44,621 --> 01:08:46,821
  5545. - oh, sure.
  5546.  
  5547. 1257
  5548. 01:08:51,527 --> 01:08:54,429
  5549. - Yeah, smaller one it is.
  5550.  
  5551. 1258
  5552. 01:08:54,431 --> 01:08:55,463
  5553. Number six.
  5554.  
  5555. 1259
  5556. 01:09:04,907 --> 01:09:09,043
  5557. - No, I think just
  5558. espresso, just as it is.
  5559.  
  5560. 1260
  5561. 01:09:09,045 --> 01:09:10,311
  5562. - What's this?
  5563.  
  5564. 1261
  5565. 01:09:12,314 --> 01:09:14,649
  5566. You've gotta be kidding me?
  5567.  
  5568. 1262
  5569. 01:09:18,053 --> 01:09:20,388
  5570. - well, let's see.
  5571.  
  5572. 1263
  5573. 01:09:21,257 --> 01:09:22,557
  5574. - So, it's official now, yeah?
  5575.  
  5576. 1264
  5577. 01:09:22,559 --> 01:09:24,325
  5578. - Uh huh.
  5579. - It's beautiful.
  5580.  
  5581. 1265
  5582. 01:09:36,071 --> 01:09:39,440
  5583. - I'm having
  5584. all of her birthmarks
  5585.  
  5586. 1266
  5587. 01:09:39,442 --> 01:09:41,643
  5588. Tattooed on my arm.
  5589.  
  5590. 1267
  5591. 01:09:41,645 --> 01:09:45,580
  5592. And she's having all of
  5593. mine tattooed on hers.
  5594.  
  5595. 1268
  5596. 01:09:52,254 --> 01:09:53,855
  5597. - okay, can you hear?
  5598.  
  5599. 1269
  5600. 01:09:53,857 --> 01:09:55,523
  5601. - can you hear us?
  5602. - Are we all ready?
  5603.  
  5604. 1270
  5605. 01:09:55,525 --> 01:09:56,758
  5606. I can hear us fine too.
  5607.  
  5608. 1271
  5609. 01:09:56,760 --> 01:09:58,593
  5610. - Yeah, check, check, one, two.
  5611.  
  5612. 1272
  5613. 01:09:58,595 --> 01:09:59,761
  5614. - check,
  5615. yep, we're good.
  5616.  
  5617. 1273
  5618. 01:09:59,763 --> 01:10:03,097
  5619. How do you feel about
  5620. all the filming?
  5621.  
  5622. 1274
  5623. 01:10:03,099 --> 01:10:04,199
  5624. - Me, personally?
  5625.  
  5626. 1275
  5627. 01:10:04,201 --> 01:10:06,267
  5628. Very comfortable.
  5629.  
  5630. 1276
  5631. 01:10:06,269 --> 01:10:07,835
  5632. I think it feels
  5633. very natural to me
  5634.  
  5635. 1277
  5636. 01:10:07,837 --> 01:10:12,273
  5637. Because I really wanna
  5638. support stefan's happiness,
  5639.  
  5640. 1278
  5641. 01:10:12,275 --> 01:10:14,676
  5642. And of course I wanna
  5643. support him in his work.
  5644.  
  5645. 1279
  5646. 01:10:14,678 --> 01:10:17,145
  5647. And it's been a big
  5648. topic for me, happiness.
  5649.  
  5650. 1280
  5651. 01:10:17,147 --> 01:10:18,713
  5652. - veza,
  5653. you said you know
  5654.  
  5655. 1281
  5656. 01:10:18,715 --> 01:10:20,481
  5657. About these three experiments.
  5658.  
  5659. 1282
  5660. 01:10:20,483 --> 01:10:23,117
  5661. - so, we've done
  5662. two of the experiments.
  5663.  
  5664. 1283
  5665. 01:10:23,119 --> 01:10:26,821
  5666. And here we are
  5667. amidst the third.
  5668. - Which I ruined, basically.
  5669.  
  5670. 1284
  5671. 01:10:26,823 --> 01:10:28,389
  5672. - tell me about it.
  5673.  
  5674. 1285
  5675. 01:10:28,391 --> 01:10:31,693
  5676. Fall out of love with you
  5677. because the whole thing
  5678.  
  5679. 1286
  5680. 01:10:31,695 --> 01:10:33,461
  5681. Could be a drug induced--
  5682.  
  5683. 1287
  5684. 01:10:33,463 --> 01:10:35,063
  5685. - Not at all.
  5686.  
  5687. 1288
  5688. 01:10:35,065 --> 01:10:37,732
  5689. - but I've only known
  5690. you the way I've known you.
  5691.  
  5692. 1289
  5693. 01:10:37,734 --> 01:10:40,168
  5694. How is it for you guys
  5695. to see me with stefan?
  5696.  
  5697. 1290
  5698. 01:10:40,170 --> 01:10:44,038
  5699. I think this is actually
  5700. interesting to ask you guys.
  5701.  
  5702. 1291
  5703. 01:10:44,040 --> 01:10:47,008
  5704. - I've never seen stefan
  5705. as happy as he's been.
  5706.  
  5707. 1292
  5708. 01:10:47,010 --> 01:10:49,477
  5709. Almost recklessly happy.
  5710.  
  5711. 1293
  5712. 01:10:49,479 --> 01:10:51,145
  5713. - do you think
  5714. that's lexapro?
  5715.  
  5716. 1294
  5717. 01:10:51,147 --> 01:10:52,380
  5718. - Do I think it's lexapro?
  5719.  
  5720. 1295
  5721. 01:10:52,382 --> 01:10:53,681
  5722. This, you're concerned.
  5723.  
  5724. 1296
  5725. 01:10:53,683 --> 01:10:54,916
  5726. - no, I'm not concerned.
  5727.  
  5728. 1297
  5729. 01:10:54,918 --> 01:10:56,818
  5730. - I just saw it    in your face a little bit.
  5731. -            - no.
  5732.  
  5733. 1298
  5734. 01:10:58,153 --> 01:10:59,254
  5735. - I mean,
  5736. you clearly have
  5737.  
  5738. 1299
  5739. 01:10:59,256 --> 01:11:00,421
  5740. Doubts about all of this.
  5741.  
  5742. 1300
  5743. 01:11:00,423 --> 01:11:02,190
  5744. - I'm just trying
  5745. to ask the questions
  5746.  
  5747. 1301
  5748. 01:11:02,192 --> 01:11:03,191
  5749. That I think you would ask
  5750.  
  5751. 1302
  5752. 01:11:03,193 --> 01:11:05,426
  5753. If you were standing
  5754. where I was standing.
  5755.  
  5756. 1303
  5757. 01:11:05,428 --> 01:11:08,062
  5758. - what would
  5759. you think if you heard
  5760.  
  5761. 1304
  5762. 01:11:08,064 --> 01:11:10,698
  5763. Three months ago
  5764. I started taking lexapro,
  5765.  
  5766. 1305
  5767. 01:11:10,700 --> 01:11:12,767
  5768. I was terribly depressed
  5769. for a week.
  5770.  
  5771. 1306
  5772. 01:11:12,769 --> 01:11:15,570
  5773. I met a woman,
  5774. I fell completely in love,
  5775.  
  5776. 1307
  5777. 01:11:15,572 --> 01:11:18,273
  5778. And we're going to get married.
  5779.  
  5780. 1308
  5781. 01:11:19,675 --> 01:11:21,109
  5782. - Oh, crazy.
  5783.  
  5784. 1309
  5785. 01:11:21,111 --> 01:11:22,410
  5786. Another person, crazy.
  5787.  
  5788. 1310
  5789. 01:11:22,412 --> 01:11:23,711
  5790. Me, it's different.
  5791.  
  5792. 1311
  5793. 01:11:23,713 --> 01:11:27,015
  5794. Because I have an
  5795. immediate experience of me.
  5796.  
  5797. 1312
  5798. 01:11:27,017 --> 01:11:28,850
  5799. And I know how it went.
  5800.  
  5801. 1313
  5802. 01:11:28,852 --> 01:11:31,085
  5803. I've never been so happy.
  5804.  
  5805. 1314
  5806. 01:11:31,087 --> 01:11:34,522
  5807. I mean, you know, I have
  5808. never had in my life,
  5809.  
  5810. 1315
  5811. 01:11:34,524 --> 01:11:36,391
  5812. Yeah, I probably had
  5813. a day that I would say
  5814.  
  5815. 1316
  5816. 01:11:36,393 --> 01:11:38,092
  5817. That was like a number 10 day,
  5818.  
  5819. 1317
  5820. 01:11:38,094 --> 01:11:39,560
  5821. Like a 10 out of 10.
  5822.  
  5823. 1318
  5824. 01:11:39,562 --> 01:11:42,997
  5825. But I've had 10 days
  5826. like this in a row.
  5827.  
  5828. 1319
  5829. 01:11:46,101 --> 01:11:48,202
  5830. - unbelievable.
  5831.  
  5832. 1320
  5833. 01:11:48,204 --> 01:11:49,404
  5834. And too good to be true.
  5835.  
  5836. 1321
  5837. 01:11:49,406 --> 01:11:50,571
  5838. - Yeah, yeah.
  5839.  
  5840. 1322
  5841. 01:11:52,574 --> 01:11:56,477
  5842. And as we both know, normally,
  5843.  
  5844. 1323
  5845. 01:11:56,479 --> 01:11:59,380
  5846. In my experience,
  5847. every single time,
  5848.  
  5849. 1324
  5850. 01:11:59,382 --> 01:12:02,717
  5851. Too good to be true
  5852. means exactly that.
  5853.  
  5854. 1325
  5855. 01:12:04,453 --> 01:12:06,054
  5856. - yeah, I mean,
  5857. I think it's fascinating
  5858.  
  5859. 1326
  5860. 01:12:06,056 --> 01:12:09,457
  5861. How you know about this
  5862. concept of romantic love
  5863.  
  5864. 1327
  5865. 01:12:09,459 --> 01:12:11,225
  5866. And companionate love.
  5867.  
  5868. 1328
  5869. 01:12:11,227 --> 01:12:15,496
  5870. And it's like you're aware
  5871. scientifically of the timeline.
  5872.  
  5873. 1329
  5874. 01:12:16,899 --> 01:12:22,470
  5875. - the only part
  5876. of the rider-elephant duo
  5877. that knows, is the rider.
  5878.  
  5879. 1330
  5880. 01:12:22,472 --> 01:12:24,472
  5881. The elephant doesn't
  5882. give a shit about this,
  5883.  
  5884. 1331
  5885. 01:12:24,474 --> 01:12:25,740
  5886. About this knowledge.
  5887.  
  5888. 1332
  5889. 01:12:25,742 --> 01:12:27,575
  5890. The elephant just does
  5891. what he wants.
  5892.  
  5893. 1333
  5894. 01:12:27,577 --> 01:12:28,943
  5895. The elephant falls in love
  5896.  
  5897. 1334
  5898. 01:12:28,945 --> 01:12:33,481
  5899. Totally and crazily and
  5900.  
  5901. 1335
  5902. 01:12:33,483 --> 01:12:35,249
  5903. And just goes
  5904. in that direction.
  5905.  
  5906. 1336
  5907. 01:12:35,251 --> 01:12:37,185
  5908. The rider is just sort of
  5909. sitting on top of the elephant
  5910.  
  5911. 1337
  5912. 01:12:37,187 --> 01:12:38,986
  5913. Saying, oh, you know,
  5914.  
  5915. 1338
  5916. 01:12:38,988 --> 01:12:40,188
  5917. Are you really sure?
  5918.  
  5919. 1339
  5920. 01:12:40,190 --> 01:12:41,789
  5921. You're on drugs.
  5922.  
  5923. 1340
  5924. 01:12:41,791 --> 01:12:44,759
  5925. And the elephant just goes.
  5926.  
  5927. 1341
  5928. 01:12:44,761 --> 01:12:46,094
  5929. - yeah.
  5930.  
  5931. 1342
  5932. 01:14:05,340 --> 01:14:07,375
  5933. - so, baby, we
  5934. had a fight today, no?
  5935.  
  5936. 1343
  5937. 01:14:07,377 --> 01:14:09,210
  5938. In the morning or,
  5939.  
  5940. 1344
  5941. 01:14:09,212 --> 01:14:11,212
  5942. Yeah, I think you can
  5943. call it a fight.
  5944.  
  5945. 1345
  5946. 01:14:11,214 --> 01:14:12,046
  5947. What do you think?
  5948.  
  5949. 1346
  5950. 01:14:12,048 --> 01:14:13,781
  5951. - I don't think it was a fight.
  5952.  
  5953. 1347
  5954. 01:14:13,783 --> 01:14:15,683
  5955. You should see me fight.
  5956.  
  5957. 1348
  5958. 01:14:15,685 --> 01:14:16,884
  5959. - yeah?
  5960.  
  5961. 1349
  5962. 01:14:16,886 --> 01:14:20,087
  5963. - no
  5964.  
  5965. 1350
  5966. 01:14:20,089 --> 01:14:21,289
  5967. Yeah, we did.
  5968.  
  5969. 1351
  5970. 01:14:23,692 --> 01:14:28,229
  5971. And look at we
  5972. are still here.
  5973.  
  5974. 1352
  5975. 01:14:28,231 --> 01:14:31,499
  5976. - I'm about
  5977. a week off drugs.
  5978.  
  5979. 1353
  5980. 01:14:33,368 --> 01:14:36,370
  5981. And right now
  5982. I'm not doing well.
  5983.  
  5984. 1354
  5985. 01:14:36,372 --> 01:14:38,539
  5986. - let's hear
  5987. what's been going on.
  5988.  
  5989. 1355
  5990. 01:14:38,541 --> 01:14:41,108
  5991. - It's been not great,
  5992. I have to say.
  5993.  
  5994. 1356
  5995. 01:14:41,110 --> 01:14:42,577
  5996. In general, when it's not been,
  5997.  
  5998. 1357
  5999. 01:14:42,579 --> 01:14:43,978
  6000. The outer circumstances
  6001.  
  6002. 1358
  6003. 01:14:43,980 --> 01:14:45,913
  6004. Haven't been that fantastic,
  6005.  
  6006. 1359
  6007. 01:14:45,915 --> 01:14:48,716
  6008. I surely haven't been
  6009. fantastic either.
  6010.  
  6011. 1360
  6012. 01:14:48,718 --> 01:14:52,053
  6013. - I'm not sure
  6014. that the lexapro
  6015.  
  6016. 1361
  6017. 01:14:52,055 --> 01:14:53,321
  6018. In your system
  6019.  
  6020. 1362
  6021. 01:14:54,456 --> 01:14:59,160
  6022. Was really the true you.
  6023.  
  6024. 1363
  6025. 01:14:59,162 --> 01:15:01,562
  6026. What's going on in terms
  6027. of the relationship?
  6028.  
  6029. 1364
  6030. 01:15:01,564 --> 01:15:03,998
  6031. - Not as ecstatic as it was.
  6032.  
  6033. 1365
  6034. 01:15:04,967 --> 01:15:06,734
  6035. - well,
  6036. maybe it's normalizing.
  6037.  
  6038. 1366
  6039. 01:15:06,736 --> 01:15:07,969
  6040. - Yeah, yeah.
  6041.  
  6042. 1367
  6043. 01:15:07,971 --> 01:15:13,508
  6044. Level of passion can
  6045. continue over the long run.
  6046.  
  6047. 1368
  6048. 01:15:13,510 --> 01:15:16,244
  6049. - I mean, that's basically
  6050. what I had expected.
  6051.  
  6052. 1369
  6053. 01:15:16,246 --> 01:15:18,179
  6054. Yeah, I don't think that it can.
  6055.  
  6056. 1370
  6057. 01:15:18,181 --> 01:15:19,413
  6058. - Whenever you make
  6059. one of these changes,
  6060.  
  6061. 1371
  6062. 01:15:19,415 --> 01:15:21,015
  6063. You wanna give it a few months.
  6064.  
  6065. 1372
  6066. 01:15:21,017 --> 01:15:22,917
  6067. Don't be bouncing around with
  6068.  
  6069. 1373
  6070. 01:15:22,919 --> 01:15:24,085
  6071. Just four or five weeks off.
  6072.  
  6073. 1374
  6074. 01:15:24,087 --> 01:15:26,921
  6075. You know, let your brain
  6076. and body get back
  6077.  
  6078. 1375
  6079. 01:15:26,923 --> 01:15:28,756
  6080. To whatever level it's gonna be
  6081.  
  6082. 1376
  6083. 01:15:28,758 --> 01:15:30,424
  6084. For at least a couple of months.
  6085.  
  6086. 1377
  6087. 01:15:30,426 --> 01:15:32,426
  6088. And whatever you do,
  6089.  
  6090. 1378
  6091. 01:15:32,428 --> 01:15:35,196
  6092. Don't break up with veza
  6093. in the next few weeks.
  6094.  
  6095. 1379
  6096. 01:15:35,198 --> 01:15:36,864
  6097. Give it a couple of months.
  6098.  
  6099. 1380
  6100. 01:15:36,866 --> 01:15:38,799
  6101. Get back to your baseline
  6102.  
  6103. 1381
  6104. 01:15:38,801 --> 01:15:39,967
  6105. And see how things are.
  6106.  
  6107. 1382
  6108. 01:15:39,969 --> 01:15:41,369
  6109. - yeah.
  6110.  
  6111. 1383
  6112. 01:15:44,640 --> 01:15:45,640
  6113. I thank you very, very much
  6114.  
  6115. 1384
  6116. 01:15:45,642 --> 01:15:47,174
  6117. For coming and for listening.
  6118.  
  6119. 1385
  6120. 01:15:47,176 --> 01:15:48,609
  6121. What you see here,
  6122.  
  6123. 1386
  6124. 01:15:48,611 --> 01:15:50,945
  6125. They are part of a whole series
  6126.  
  6127. 1387
  6128. 01:15:50,947 --> 01:15:56,317
  6129. Of maxims that
  6130. I always felt was helpful
  6131.  
  6132. 1388
  6133. 01:15:56,319 --> 01:15:58,152
  6134. To at least know of
  6135.  
  6136. 1389
  6137. 01:15:58,154 --> 01:15:59,320
  6138. What I actually have learned
  6139.  
  6140. 1390
  6141. 01:15:59,322 --> 01:16:00,855
  6142. In my life so far.
  6143.  
  6144. 1391
  6145. 01:16:00,857 --> 01:16:04,358
  6146. This piece itself, the way
  6147. that it works is basically,
  6148.  
  6149. 1392
  6150. 01:16:04,360 --> 01:16:05,993
  6151. You look through the frame
  6152.  
  6153. 1393
  6154. 01:16:05,995 --> 01:16:07,461
  6155. And there is a smile detection
  6156.  
  6157. 1394
  6158. 01:16:07,463 --> 01:16:09,297
  6159. Software here somewhere.
  6160.  
  6161. 1395
  6162. 01:16:09,299 --> 01:16:11,232
  6163. So if I smile properly
  6164.  
  6165. 1396
  6166. 01:16:13,635 --> 01:16:14,468
  6167. Yeah,
  6168.  
  6169. 1397
  6170. 01:16:14,470 --> 01:16:16,571
  6171. It actually does reward me
  6172.  
  6173. 1398
  6174. 01:16:16,573 --> 01:16:18,439
  6175. By becoming colorful.
  6176.  
  6177. 1399
  6178. 01:16:19,741 --> 01:16:20,641
  6179. And this is a sentence that
  6180.  
  6181. 1400
  6182. 01:16:20,643 --> 01:16:22,710
  6183. Came out of cognitive therapy.
  6184.  
  6185. 1401
  6186. 01:16:22,712 --> 01:16:25,680
  6187. The step up to it,
  6188. basically, my therapist saw
  6189.  
  6190. 1402
  6191. 01:16:25,682 --> 01:16:29,951
  6192. That I'm not quite ready
  6193. enough for confrontation.
  6194.  
  6195. 1403
  6196. 01:16:38,093 --> 01:16:39,360
  6197. The elevators.
  6198.  
  6199. 1404
  6200. 01:16:41,496 --> 01:16:43,998
  6201. And then a freight elevator
  6202.  
  6203. 1405
  6204. 01:16:44,000 --> 01:16:46,334
  6205. That opened up differently.
  6206.  
  6207. 1406
  6208. 01:16:59,681 --> 01:17:03,951
  6209. Press the button and it
  6210. tells you what to do next.
  6211.  
  6212. 1407
  6213. 01:17:31,313 --> 01:17:33,114
  6214. Look, I'll show you
  6215. my favorite ones here.
  6216.  
  6217. 1408
  6218. 01:17:33,116 --> 01:17:35,383
  6219. See the curve?
  6220.  
  6221. 1409
  6222. 01:17:35,385 --> 01:17:36,217
  6223. - yes.
  6224.  
  6225. 1410
  6226. 01:17:36,219 --> 01:17:37,084
  6227. - most people feel
  6228.  
  6229. 1411
  6230. 01:17:37,086 --> 01:17:38,719
  6231. Like a seven or an eight.
  6232.  
  6233. 1412
  6234. 01:17:38,721 --> 01:17:39,654
  6235. Want one?
  6236.  
  6237. 1413
  6238. 01:17:45,761 --> 01:17:47,695
  6239. Put a quarter in here.
  6240.  
  6241. 1414
  6242. 01:17:48,930 --> 01:17:50,564
  6243. It rolls outside.
  6244.  
  6245. 1415
  6246. 01:17:50,566 --> 01:17:53,901
  6247. Anybody can take it in
  6248. front of the museum.
  6249.  
  6250. 1416
  6251. 01:17:53,903 --> 01:17:54,969
  6252. And this one.
  6253.  
  6254. 1417
  6255. 01:17:54,971 --> 01:17:56,070
  6256. Companionate love,
  6257.  
  6258. 1418
  6259. 01:17:56,072 --> 01:17:57,605
  6260. Passionate love.
  6261.  
  6262. 1419
  6263. 01:17:57,607 --> 01:17:59,707
  6264. And you have six months.
  6265.  
  6266. 1420
  6267. 01:18:01,243 --> 01:18:03,778
  6268. So, passionate love
  6269. does go down.
  6270.  
  6271. 1421
  6272. 01:18:03,780 --> 01:18:04,945
  6273. And companionate love has
  6274.  
  6275. 1422
  6276. 01:18:04,947 --> 01:18:06,614
  6277. A possibility to grow.
  6278.  
  6279. 1423
  6280. 01:18:06,616 --> 01:18:07,915
  6281. So we'll have to transform
  6282.  
  6283. 1424
  6284. 01:18:07,917 --> 01:18:10,084
  6285. It into companionate love.
  6286.  
  6287. 1425
  6288. 01:18:10,086 --> 01:18:11,585
  6289. - No, but I already--
  6290. - but keeping
  6291. some of the passion.
  6292.  
  6293. 1426
  6294. 01:18:11,587 --> 01:18:13,954
  6295. - But I already feel
  6296. companionate love with you,
  6297.  
  6298. 1427
  6299. 01:18:13,956 --> 01:18:16,190
  6300. From the beginning.
  6301.  
  6302. 1428
  6303. 01:18:18,293 --> 01:18:21,529
  6304. - This is what I have
  6305. to expect with you?
  6306. - Mm-hm.
  6307.  
  6308. 1429
  6309. 01:18:21,531 --> 01:18:23,130
  6310. - Yeah?
  6311. - Mm-hm.
  6312.  
  6313. 1430
  6314. 01:18:25,200 --> 01:18:26,967
  6315. - I think so.
  6316.  
  6317. 1431
  6318. 01:18:26,969 --> 01:18:29,470
  6319. I mean, I haven't been there.
  6320.  
  6321. 1432
  6322. 01:18:30,338 --> 01:18:32,139
  6323. No, but in the past,
  6324. it's sort of like it was
  6325.  
  6326. 1433
  6327. 01:18:32,141 --> 01:18:33,641
  6328. My pattern, you know?
  6329.  
  6330. 1434
  6331. 01:18:33,643 --> 01:18:35,309
  6332. Roughly.
  6333. - Well, then break it.
  6334.  
  6335. 1435
  6336. 01:18:35,311 --> 01:18:37,945
  6337. - I don't think
  6338. it's breakable, baby.
  6339.  
  6340. 1436
  6341. 01:18:37,947 --> 01:18:39,313
  6342. I think it's human.
  6343.  
  6344. 1437
  6345. 01:18:39,315 --> 01:18:40,414
  6346. - no.
  6347.  
  6348. 1438
  6349. 01:18:43,151 --> 01:18:45,286
  6350. - and I don't
  6351. have expectations
  6352.  
  6353. 1439
  6354. 01:18:45,288 --> 01:18:49,924
  6355. That it's gonna go on
  6356. in that sort of passionate level
  6357. forever.
  6358.  
  6359. 1440
  6360. 01:18:51,226 --> 01:18:54,295
  6361. And I think that that's good.
  6362.  
  6363. 1441
  6364. 01:18:54,297 --> 01:18:55,162
  6365. - You know what the difference
  6366.  
  6367. 1442
  6368. 01:18:55,164 --> 01:18:56,030
  6369. Between me and you is?
  6370.  
  6371. 1443
  6372. 01:18:56,032 --> 01:18:57,631
  6373. I don't even think about it.
  6374.  
  6375. 1444
  6376. 01:18:57,633 --> 01:18:58,466
  6377. I'm here now.
  6378.  
  6379. 1445
  6380. 01:18:58,468 --> 01:18:59,500
  6381. That's the difference.
  6382.  
  6383. 1446
  6384. 01:18:59,502 --> 01:19:00,801
  6385. - And I, of course,
  6386. have to think about it
  6387.  
  6388. 1447
  6389. 01:19:00,803 --> 01:19:02,970
  6390. Because, you know,
  6391. I did all that.
  6392.  
  6393. 1448
  6394. 01:19:02,972 --> 01:19:04,472
  6395. You know, I've been dealing
  6396.  
  6397. 1449
  6398. 01:19:04,474 --> 01:19:06,841
  6399. With all this research for--
  6400.  
  6401. 1450
  6402. 01:19:06,843 --> 01:19:09,143
  6403. - I know.
  6404. - A long time now.
  6405.  
  6406. 1451
  6407. 01:19:09,145 --> 01:19:11,812
  6408. In general,
  6409. a problem with relationships
  6410.  
  6411. 1452
  6412. 01:19:11,814 --> 01:19:14,548
  6413. Is that the expectations
  6414. are too high.
  6415.  
  6416. 1453
  6417. 01:19:14,550 --> 01:19:16,317
  6418. Or that one of the reasons
  6419. why my parents
  6420.  
  6421. 1454
  6422. 01:19:16,319 --> 01:19:18,519
  6423. Had such
  6424. a great marriage, I think,
  6425.  
  6426. 1455
  6427. 01:19:18,521 --> 01:19:20,354
  6428. Is because they didn't really
  6429.  
  6430. 1456
  6431. 01:19:20,356 --> 01:19:22,556
  6432. Have a lot of expectations.
  6433.  
  6434. 1457
  6435. 01:19:22,558 --> 01:19:24,992
  6436. They didn't know each
  6437. other very well and--
  6438.  
  6439. 1458
  6440. 01:19:24,994 --> 01:19:27,828
  6441. - No, I see that,
  6442. no, I see that.
  6443.  
  6444. 1459
  6445. 01:19:29,831 --> 01:19:31,365
  6446. - Good.
  6447.  
  6448. 1460
  6449. 01:19:31,367 --> 01:19:33,267
  6450. Let's leave it there.
  6451.  
  6452. 1461
  6453. 01:19:36,538 --> 01:19:37,938
  6454. I'm like afraid
  6455.  
  6456. 1462
  6457. 01:19:38,707 --> 01:19:40,975
  6458. To provoke more arguments.
  6459.  
  6460. 1463
  6461. 01:20:37,465 --> 01:20:40,601
  6462. - Welcome to
  6463. the sacred ceremony.
  6464.  
  6465. 1464
  6466. 01:20:40,603 --> 01:20:42,570
  6467. To this beautiful opportunity
  6468.  
  6469. 1465
  6470. 01:20:42,572 --> 01:20:46,574
  6471. To leave our old self behind.
  6472.  
  6473. 1466
  6474. 01:20:46,576 --> 01:20:50,678
  6475. Your life will be
  6476. in line with nature.
  6477.  
  6478. 1467
  6479. 01:20:53,114 --> 01:20:57,384
  6480. - veza's model
  6481. friend suggested ayahuasca.
  6482.  
  6483. 1468
  6484. 01:20:58,253 --> 01:21:01,522
  6485. I agreed
  6486. and we tried it out together.
  6487.  
  6488. 1469
  6489. 01:21:07,429 --> 01:21:08,529
  6490. - Your eyes.
  6491.  
  6492. 1470
  6493. 01:21:09,431 --> 01:21:11,198
  6494. it made no difference.
  6495.  
  6496. 1471
  6497. 01:21:11,200 --> 01:21:13,968
  6498. Every month we had a fight
  6499.  
  6500. 1472
  6501. 01:21:13,970 --> 01:21:18,272
  6502. That went all the way
  6503. to the edge, basically,
  6504.  
  6505. 1473
  6506. 01:21:18,274 --> 01:21:19,874
  6507. Where we broke up.
  6508.  
  6509. 1474
  6510. 01:21:23,178 --> 01:21:24,612
  6511. - I feel like,
  6512. okay, whoa,
  6513.  
  6514. 1475
  6515. 01:21:24,614 --> 01:21:28,616
  6516. What did I do that you're
  6517. so irritated with me?
  6518.  
  6519. 1476
  6520. 01:21:30,619 --> 01:21:32,453
  6521. Well, I'm just saying
  6522. I want you to be happy
  6523.  
  6524. 1477
  6525. 01:21:32,455 --> 01:21:34,321
  6526. With what we do and whatnot.
  6527.  
  6528. 1478
  6529. 01:21:34,323 --> 01:21:36,156
  6530. - Oh, yeah, no, no,
  6531. absolutely, yeah.
  6532.  
  6533. 1479
  6534. 01:21:36,158 --> 01:21:37,558
  6535. - Good to know.
  6536.  
  6537. 1480
  6538. 01:21:44,900 --> 01:21:46,367
  6539. - it's a little bit like,
  6540.  
  6541. 1481
  6542. 01:21:46,369 --> 01:21:48,202
  6543. And I'm really scared in a way
  6544.  
  6545. 1482
  6546. 01:21:48,204 --> 01:21:51,639
  6547. That this will turn you off.
  6548.  
  6549. 1483
  6550. 01:21:51,641 --> 01:21:53,240
  6551. Because, you know,
  6552.  
  6553. 1484
  6554. 01:21:54,376 --> 01:21:56,410
  6555. I mean, simply, if you
  6556. don't get along with me,
  6557.  
  6558. 1485
  6559. 01:21:56,412 --> 01:22:00,514
  6560. Then why would you wanna
  6561. stay with me, you know?
  6562.  
  6563. 1486
  6564. 01:22:05,153 --> 01:22:07,988
  6565. - I think I said that wrong.
  6566.  
  6567. 1487
  6568. 01:22:07,990 --> 01:22:11,659
  6569. That I don't think that
  6570. we don't get along.
  6571.  
  6572. 1488
  6573. 01:22:40,855 --> 01:22:42,957
  6574.  
  6575. 1489
  6576. 01:22:53,368 --> 01:22:56,537
  6577. another big fight today.
  6578.  
  6579. 1490
  6580. 01:22:56,539 --> 01:22:57,871
  6581. In the morning.
  6582.  
  6583. 1491
  6584. 01:22:59,374 --> 01:23:01,775
  6585. Very close to the edge.
  6586.  
  6587. 1492
  6588. 01:23:01,777 --> 01:23:05,346
  6589. And veza asked me afterwards
  6590.  
  6591. 1493
  6592. 01:23:07,415 --> 01:23:10,250
  6593. If I still wanted
  6594. to get married.
  6595.  
  6596. 1494
  6597. 01:23:11,386 --> 01:23:15,556
  6598. And I didn't really know
  6599. what else to do,
  6600.  
  6601. 1495
  6602. 01:23:15,558 --> 01:23:18,525
  6603. So I made another
  6604. pro and con list.
  6605.  
  6606. 1496
  6607. 01:23:21,229 --> 01:23:22,663
  6608. Getting married.
  6609.  
  6610. 1497
  6611. 01:23:23,898 --> 01:23:25,399
  6612. Pro, four points.
  6613.  
  6614. 1498
  6615. 01:23:27,068 --> 01:23:29,003
  6616. Against, seven points.
  6617.  
  6618. 1499
  6619. 01:23:35,777 --> 01:23:38,712
  6620. - Such a crazy thing
  6621. that we were.
  6622.  
  6623. 1500
  6624. 01:23:40,415 --> 01:23:45,085
  6625. Such a fantastic
  6626. falling in love couple.
  6627.  
  6628. 1501
  6629. 01:23:45,087 --> 01:23:46,820
  6630. I mean, I've never
  6631.  
  6632. 1502
  6633. 01:23:46,822 --> 01:23:50,324
  6634. Fallen so hard
  6635.  
  6636. 1503
  6637. 01:23:50,326 --> 01:23:53,627
  6638. And so deeply in love.
  6639.  
  6640. 1504
  6641. 01:23:55,597 --> 01:23:58,699
  6642. And we are not a
  6643.  
  6644. 1505
  6645. 01:23:59,100 --> 01:24:01,301
  6646. Companionate love couple.
  6647.  
  6648. 1506
  6649. 01:24:13,281 --> 01:24:14,448
  6650. you know, here you are.
  6651.  
  6652. 1507
  6653. 01:24:14,450 --> 01:24:16,817
  6654. You set off
  6655. to do this science experiment.
  6656.  
  6657. 1508
  6658. 01:24:16,819 --> 01:24:20,721
  6659. In my office two years ago,
  6660. three years ago,
  6661. whatever it was,
  6662.  
  6663. 1509
  6664. 01:24:20,723 --> 01:24:21,889
  6665. When we were talking about this
  6666.  
  6667. 1510
  6668. 01:24:21,891 --> 01:24:23,791
  6669. What was clear
  6670. was that your weaknesses
  6671.  
  6672. 1511
  6673. 01:24:23,793 --> 01:24:26,360
  6674. Were about
  6675. interpersonal connection
  6676.  
  6677. 1512
  6678. 01:24:26,362 --> 01:24:28,228
  6679. And commitment and gratitude.
  6680.  
  6681. 1513
  6682. 01:24:28,230 --> 01:24:29,563
  6683. And I think I even said,
  6684.  
  6685. 1514
  6686. 01:24:29,565 --> 01:24:30,998
  6687. You can go back
  6688. and look at the footage,
  6689.  
  6690. 1515
  6691. 01:24:31,000 --> 01:24:33,133
  6692. I think I even said
  6693. something like,
  6694.  
  6695. 1516
  6696. 01:24:33,135 --> 01:24:34,168
  6697. Well, it would
  6698. be interesting to see
  6699.  
  6700. 1517
  6701. 01:24:34,170 --> 01:24:35,235
  6702. If you fall in love during
  6703.  
  6704. 1518
  6705. 01:24:35,237 --> 01:24:38,172
  6706. - yeah.
  6707. - Because this is where        your weakness is.
  6708.  
  6709. 1519
  6710. 01:24:38,174 --> 01:24:39,740
  6711. And so, you did fall in love.
  6712.  
  6713. 1520
  6714. 01:24:39,742 --> 01:24:40,974
  6715. Three times.
  6716.  
  6717. 1521
  6718. 01:24:40,976 --> 01:24:43,577
  6719. And you go off and
  6720. you're doing meditation,
  6721.  
  6722. 1522
  6723. 01:24:43,579 --> 01:24:46,680
  6724. And bang, this--
  6725. a relationship,
  6726.  
  6727. 1523
  6728. 01:24:46,682 --> 01:24:49,683
  6729. Which blows out of the
  6730. water any possibility
  6731.  
  6732. 1524
  6733. 01:24:49,685 --> 01:24:51,885
  6734. To measure whether, okay,
  6735.  
  6736. 1525
  6737. 01:24:51,887 --> 01:24:53,654
  6738. That's a little bit funny.
  6739.  
  6740. 1526
  6741. 01:24:53,656 --> 01:24:55,422
  6742. And then you go and you
  6743. do cognitive therapy,
  6744.  
  6745. 1527
  6746. 01:24:55,424 --> 01:24:57,057
  6747. And the same thing happens.
  6748.  
  6749. 1528
  6750. 01:24:57,059 --> 01:24:57,891
  6751. - yeah.
  6752.  
  6753. 1529
  6754. 01:24:57,893 --> 01:24:58,725
  6755. - Now it gets funnier.
  6756.  
  6757. 1530
  6758. 01:24:58,727 --> 01:24:59,993
  6759. And a joke always has,
  6760.  
  6761. 1531
  6762. 01:24:59,995 --> 01:25:01,528
  6763. You know, three sections.
  6764.  
  6765. 1532
  6766. 01:25:01,530 --> 01:25:05,199
  6767. So the fact that
  6768. it happens three times,
  6769.  
  6770. 1533
  6771. 01:25:05,201 --> 01:25:09,336
  6772. Stefan, this should
  6773. be a movie about
  6774.  
  6775. 1534
  6776. 01:25:09,338 --> 01:25:12,840
  6777. You and your weaknesses,
  6778.  
  6779. 1535
  6780. 01:25:12,842 --> 01:25:15,442
  6781. And your attempts to fix them.
  6782.  
  6783. 1536
  6784. 01:25:18,880 --> 01:25:21,515
  6785. - oh fuck, this is
  6786. gonna be such a nightmare
  6787.  
  6788. 1537
  6789. 01:25:21,517 --> 01:25:23,650
  6790. To figure this movie out.
  6791.  
  6792. 1538
  6793. 01:25:26,187 --> 01:25:30,157
  6794. I started out to get some
  6795. really clear answers.
  6796.  
  6797. 1539
  6798. 01:25:32,293 --> 01:25:33,627
  6799. And what I got back
  6800.  
  6801. 1540
  6802. 01:25:33,629 --> 01:25:36,230
  6803. Is a bunch of mush.
  6804.  
  6805. 1541
  6806. 01:25:37,599 --> 01:25:38,398
  6807. - {jonathan]
  6808. what have you learned
  6809.  
  6810. 1542
  6811. 01:25:38,400 --> 01:25:40,134
  6812. About the causes of happiness?
  6813.  
  6814. 1543
  6815. 01:25:40,136 --> 01:25:41,368
  6816. Do you have
  6817. a better understanding
  6818.  
  6819. 1544
  6820. 01:25:41,370 --> 01:25:43,470
  6821. Of what makes you happy?
  6822.  
  6823. 1545
  6824. 01:25:45,640 --> 01:25:47,241
  6825. - I didn't wanna make a film
  6826.  
  6827. 1546
  6828. 01:25:47,243 --> 01:25:49,209
  6829. About questions.
  6830.  
  6831. 1547
  6832. 01:25:49,211 --> 01:25:50,310
  6833. And I hate all this stuff.
  6834.  
  6835. 1548
  6836. 01:25:50,312 --> 01:25:51,979
  6837. Oh, it's not about the answers.
  6838.  
  6839. 1549
  6840. 01:25:51,981 --> 01:25:54,448
  6841. It's about the right questions.
  6842.  
  6843. 1550
  6844. 01:25:54,450 --> 01:25:55,983
  6845. Blah, blah, blah.
  6846.  
  6847. 1551
  6848. 01:26:02,490 --> 01:26:03,423
  6849. Fuck.
  6850.  
  6851. 1552
  6852. 01:26:05,927 --> 01:26:08,095
  6853. This is a total disaster.
  6854.  
  6855. 1553
  6856. 01:26:12,133 --> 01:26:13,767
  6857. ♪ everything ain't going
  6858.  
  6859. 1554
  6860. 01:26:13,769 --> 01:26:16,003
  6861. ♪ the way I planned
  6862.  
  6863. 1555
  6864. 01:26:16,005 --> 01:26:17,971
  6865. ♪ everything ain't going
  6866.  
  6867. 1556
  6868. 01:26:17,973 --> 01:26:20,140
  6869. ♪ the way I planned
  6870.  
  6871. 1557
  6872. 01:26:20,142 --> 01:26:22,242
  6873. ♪ everything ain't going
  6874.  
  6875. 1558
  6876. 01:26:22,244 --> 01:26:24,478
  6877. ♪ the way I planned
  6878.  
  6879. 1559
  6880. 01:26:24,480 --> 01:26:26,346
  6881. ♪ so I'm gonna sit
  6882.  
  6883. 1560
  6884. 01:26:26,348 --> 01:26:28,081
  6885. ♪ myself down right here
  6886.  
  6887. 1561
  6888. 01:26:28,083 --> 01:26:30,918
  6889. ♪ and see--
  6890.  
  6891. 1562
  6892. 01:26:30,920 --> 01:26:32,286
  6893. - Trying to look good
  6894.  
  6895. 1563
  6896. 01:26:32,288 --> 01:26:33,687
  6897. Limits my life.
  6898.  
  6899. 1564
  6900. 01:26:34,856 --> 01:26:37,824
  6901. I know, but I'm getting
  6902. getting very concerned
  6903.  
  6904. 1565
  6905. 01:26:37,826 --> 01:26:40,427
  6906. About how I look in this film.
  6907.  
  6908. 1566
  6909. 01:26:43,464 --> 01:26:44,698
  6910. I'm a 50 year old guy who dates
  6911.  
  6912. 1567
  6913. 01:26:44,700 --> 01:26:46,733
  6914. Women 20 years younger.
  6915.  
  6916. 1568
  6917. 01:26:48,102 --> 01:26:49,937
  6918. And calls them girls.
  6919.  
  6920. 1569
  6921. 01:26:51,806 --> 01:26:54,841
  6922. I just spent the past
  6923. six years of my life
  6924.  
  6925. 1570
  6926. 01:26:54,843 --> 01:26:57,044
  6927. Working on this thing
  6928.  
  6929. 1571
  6930. 01:26:57,046 --> 01:26:59,913
  6931. That says I'm an asshole.
  6932.  
  6933. 1572
  6934. 01:27:00,848 --> 01:27:04,284
  6935. What a great use of my time.
  6936.  
  6937. 1573
  6938. 01:27:07,488 --> 01:27:11,758
  6939. I should have stuck to
  6940. chairs made out of letters.
  6941.  
  6942. 1574
  6943. 01:27:15,964 --> 01:27:18,131
  6944. - so, you
  6945. chose the three techniques
  6946.  
  6947. 1575
  6948. 01:27:18,133 --> 01:27:21,235
  6949. That I describe in chapter two
  6950. of the book
  6951.  
  6952. 1576
  6953. 01:27:21,237 --> 01:27:23,036
  6954. For changing the elephant.
  6955.  
  6956. 1577
  6957. 01:27:23,038 --> 01:27:25,305
  6958. But your problem
  6959. wasn't the elephant.
  6960.  
  6961. 1578
  6962. 01:27:25,307 --> 01:27:27,474
  6963. You could just as well
  6964. have chosen
  6965.  
  6966. 1579
  6967. 01:27:27,476 --> 01:27:30,477
  6968. The three aspects of between.
  6969.  
  6970. 1580
  6971. 01:27:30,479 --> 01:27:34,314
  6972. So, what if you had worked
  6973. on your relationships?
  6974.  
  6975. 1581
  6976. 01:27:34,316 --> 01:27:35,682
  6977. And worked on the satisfaction
  6978.  
  6979. 1582
  6980. 01:27:35,684 --> 01:27:37,217
  6981. You get from work?
  6982.  
  6983. 1583
  6984. 01:27:37,219 --> 01:27:40,187
  6985. And tried to get involved
  6986.  
  6987. 1584
  6988. 01:27:40,189 --> 01:27:42,589
  6989. With some sort of larger project
  6990.  
  6991. 1585
  6992. 01:27:42,591 --> 01:27:45,926
  6993. In the company of people that
  6994. you really like and respect?
  6995.  
  6996. 1586
  6997. 01:27:45,928 --> 01:27:48,862
  6998. That would be changing the
  6999. conditions of your life
  7000.  
  7001. 1587
  7002. 01:27:48,864 --> 01:27:51,999
  7003. In ways that, I would predict,
  7004.  
  7005. 1588
  7006. 01:27:52,001 --> 01:27:53,700
  7007. Happiness would then follow
  7008.  
  7009. 1589
  7010. 01:27:53,702 --> 01:27:56,136
  7011. As you got a better between.
  7012.  
  7013. 1590
  7014. 01:27:59,040 --> 01:28:01,241
  7015. - well, in a way,
  7016.  
  7017. 1591
  7018. 01:28:01,243 --> 01:28:04,278
  7019. That has been
  7020. what I've been doing.
  7021.  
  7022. 1592
  7023. 01:28:05,380 --> 01:28:08,115
  7024. I mean, I definitely
  7025.  
  7026. 1593
  7027. 01:28:08,117 --> 01:28:10,550
  7028. Worked on my relationships.
  7029.  
  7030. 1594
  7031. 01:28:10,552 --> 01:28:13,720
  7032. Not all that successfully,
  7033. but I did.
  7034.  
  7035. 1595
  7036. 01:28:15,857 --> 01:28:19,593
  7037. And I have been more
  7038. satisfied with my work.
  7039.  
  7040. 1596
  7041. 01:28:19,595 --> 01:28:22,195
  7042. The happy show
  7043. was a big success.
  7044.  
  7045. 1597
  7046. 01:28:22,197 --> 01:28:26,733
  7047. I mean, almost a 1/4 of
  7048. a million came to see it.
  7049.  
  7050. 1598
  7051. 01:28:26,735 --> 01:28:29,136
  7052. And this whole film project
  7053.  
  7054. 1599
  7055. 01:28:29,871 --> 01:28:33,206
  7056. Surely feels larger than me.
  7057.  
  7058. 1600
  7059. 01:28:34,075 --> 01:28:37,878
  7060. Basically outside of my control.
  7061.  
  7062. 1601
  7063. 01:28:38,413 --> 01:28:43,417
  7064. Like I'm the rider
  7065. and it's the elephant.
  7066.  
  7067. 1602
  7068. 01:28:48,423 --> 01:28:54,094
  7069. This film started as a graphic
  7070. design project six years ago.
  7071.  
  7072. 1603
  7073. 01:28:54,096 --> 01:28:58,198
  7074. And somehow
  7075. it all became about me.
  7076.  
  7077. 1604
  7078. 01:29:00,268 --> 01:29:02,636
  7079. I guess I could have
  7080. continued designing stuff
  7081.  
  7082. 1605
  7083. 01:29:02,638 --> 01:29:05,072
  7084. That I know how to do.
  7085.  
  7086. 1606
  7087. 01:29:05,074 --> 01:29:06,106
  7088. It would have been
  7089.  
  7090. 1607
  7091. 01:29:06,108 --> 01:29:08,108
  7092. So much easier.
  7093.  
  7094. 1608
  7095. 01:29:08,110 --> 01:29:12,112
  7096. Trying to chase after
  7097. something more meaningful
  7098.  
  7099. 1609
  7100. 01:29:13,147 --> 01:29:16,516
  7101. Turned out to be
  7102. a big pain in the ass.
  7103.  
  7104. 1610
  7105. 01:29:18,753 --> 01:29:19,953
  7106. But it also did
  7107.  
  7108. 1611
  7109. 01:29:19,955 --> 01:29:21,922
  7110. Make my life fuller.
  7111.  
  7112. 1612
  7113. 01:29:21,924 --> 01:29:23,123
  7114. ♪ everything ain't going
  7115.  
  7116. 1613
  7117. 01:29:23,125 --> 01:29:24,124
  7118. ♪ the way I planned
  7119.  
  7120. 1614
  7121. 01:29:24,126 --> 01:29:26,093
  7122. ♪ everything ain't going
  7123.  
  7124. 1615
  7125. 01:29:26,095 --> 01:29:28,328
  7126. ♪ the way I planned
  7127.  
  7128. 1616
  7129. 01:29:28,330 --> 01:29:30,430
  7130. ♪ everything ain't going
  7131.  
  7132. 1617
  7133. 01:29:30,432 --> 01:29:33,533
  7134. ♪ the way I planned
  7135.  
  7136. 1618
  7137. 01:29:35,603 --> 01:29:37,838
  7138. - So what's the purpose,
  7139.  
  7140. 1619
  7141. 01:29:37,840 --> 01:29:39,873
  7142. Why am I actually here?
  7143.  
  7144. 1620
  7145. 01:29:43,544 --> 01:29:46,179
  7146. I guess it would be
  7147. to do something
  7148.  
  7149. 1621
  7150. 01:29:46,181 --> 01:29:49,716
  7151. That either delights
  7152.  
  7153. 1622
  7154. 01:29:49,718 --> 01:29:51,651
  7155. Or helps other people.
  7156.  
  7157. 1623
  7158. 01:29:52,653 --> 01:29:55,021
  7159. Or simply finding something
  7160.  
  7161. 1624
  7162. 01:29:55,023 --> 01:29:57,124
  7163. That's bigger than myself,
  7164.  
  7165. 1625
  7166. 01:29:57,126 --> 01:29:59,393
  7167. And dedicate myself to it.
  7168.  
  7169. 1626
  7170. 01:30:03,131 --> 01:30:06,233
  7171. I'm still blowing air
  7172. into balloons.
  7173.  
  7174. 1627
  7175. 01:30:11,472 --> 01:30:13,640
  7176. Trusting, somehow, into
  7177.  
  7178. 1628
  7179. 01:30:13,642 --> 01:30:15,742
  7180. The lightness of things.
  7181.  
  7182. 1629
  7183. 01:30:16,811 --> 01:30:18,812
  7184. Believing it will work.
  7185.  
  7186. 1630
  7187. 01:30:28,256 --> 01:30:29,990
  7188. There's a shitload
  7189.  
  7190. 1631
  7191. 01:30:29,992 --> 01:30:31,491
  7192. Of possibilities.
  7193.  
  7194. 1632
  7195. 01:30:34,996 --> 01:30:39,166
  7196. One day it will be me up there.
  7197.  
  7198. 1633
  7199. 01:30:44,072 --> 01:30:45,105
  7200. I will fly.
  7201.  
  7202. 1634
  7203. 01:30:48,443 --> 01:30:50,210
  7204. Let's go.
  7205.  
  7206. 1635
  7207. 01:31:24,745 --> 01:31:27,147
  7208. ♪ everything ain't going
  7209.  
  7210. 1636
  7211. 01:31:27,149 --> 01:31:30,383
  7212. ♪ the way I had planned
  7213.  
  7214. 1637
  7215. 01:31:30,385 --> 01:31:32,786
  7216. ♪ everything ain't going
  7217.  
  7218. 1638
  7219. 01:31:32,788 --> 01:31:35,989
  7220. ♪ the way I had planned
  7221.  
  7222. 1639
  7223. 01:31:35,991 --> 01:31:39,292
  7224. ♪ just gonna sit there
  7225.  
  7226. 1640
  7227. 01:31:39,294 --> 01:31:42,729
  7228. ♪ sit down and write it
  7229.  
  7230. 1641
  7231. 01:31:42,731 --> 01:31:47,834
  7232. ♪ see what happens
  7233.  
  7234. 1642
  7235. 01:31:47,836 --> 01:31:49,903
  7236. ♪ to me
  7237.  
  7238. 1643
  7239. 01:31:49,905 --> 01:31:52,572
  7240. ♪ if I don't do
  7241.  
  7242. 1644
  7243. 01:31:52,574 --> 01:31:56,176
  7244. ♪ a god damn thing at all
  7245.  
  7246. 1645
  7247. 01:32:03,651 --> 01:32:06,253
  7248. ♪ everything ain't going
  7249.  
  7250. 1646
  7251. 01:32:06,255 --> 01:32:09,256
  7252. ♪ the way I planned
  7253.  
  7254. 1647
  7255. 01:32:09,258 --> 01:32:11,758
  7256. ♪ everything ain't going
  7257.  
  7258. 1648
  7259. 01:32:11,760 --> 01:32:14,628
  7260. ♪ the way I planned
  7261.  
  7262. 1649
  7263. 01:32:14,630 --> 01:32:17,430
  7264. ♪ so I'm gonna sit down
  7265.  
  7266. 1650
  7267. 01:32:17,432 --> 01:32:21,201
  7268. ♪ sit down right here
  7269.  
  7270. 1651
  7271. 01:32:21,203 --> 01:32:24,571
  7272. ♪ and see what happens
  7273.  
  7274. 1652
  7275. 01:32:26,207 --> 01:32:29,476
  7276. ♪ to me if I don't do
  7277.  
  7278. 1653
  7279. 01:32:30,945 --> 01:32:34,648
  7280. ♪ a god damned thing at all
  7281.  
  7282. 1654
  7283. 01:32:42,123 --> 01:32:44,124
  7284. ♪ everything ain't going
  7285.  
  7286. 1655
  7287. 01:32:44,126 --> 01:32:46,960
  7288. ♪ the way I planned
  7289.  
  7290. 1656
  7291. 01:32:46,962 --> 01:32:49,629
  7292. ♪ everything ain't going
  7293.  
  7294. 1657
  7295. 01:32:49,631 --> 01:32:52,299
  7296. ♪ the way I planned
  7297.  
  7298. 1658
  7299. 01:32:52,301 --> 01:32:55,535
  7300. ♪ so I'm going to sit my
  7301.  
  7302. 1659
  7303. 01:32:55,537 --> 01:32:58,972
  7304. ♪ self down right here
  7305.  
  7306. 1660
  7307. 01:32:58,974 --> 01:33:02,342
  7308. ♪ and see what happens
  7309.  
  7310. 1661
  7311. 01:33:03,878 --> 01:33:07,814
  7312. ♪ to me if I don't do
  7313.  
  7314. 1662
  7315. 01:33:07,816 --> 01:33:11,418
  7316. ♪ a god damn thing at all
  7317.  
  7318. 1663
  7319. 01:33:28,002 --> 01:33:29,936
  7320. ♪ everything ain't going
  7321.  
  7322. 1664
  7323. 01:33:29,938 --> 01:33:32,906
  7324. ♪ the way I planned
  7325.  
  7326. 1665
  7327. 01:33:32,908 --> 01:33:35,342
  7328. ♪ everything ain't going
  7329.  
  7330. 1666
  7331. 01:33:35,344 --> 01:33:38,278
  7332. ♪ the way I had planned
  7333.  
  7334. 1667
  7335. 01:33:38,280 --> 01:33:40,847
  7336. ♪ everything ain't going
  7337.  
  7338. 1668
  7339. 01:33:40,849 --> 01:33:44,184
  7340. ♪ the way I had planned
  7341.  
  7342. 1669
  7343. 01:33:44,186 --> 01:33:46,219
  7344. ♪ everything ain't going
  7345.  
  7346. 1670
  7347. 01:33:46,221 --> 01:33:48,922
  7348. ♪ the way I had planned
  7349.  
  7350. 1671
  7351. 01:33:48,924 --> 01:33:52,125
  7352. ♪ so I'm going to sit my
  7353.  
  7354. 1672
  7355. 01:33:52,127 --> 01:33:55,228
  7356. ♪ self down right here
  7357.  
  7358. 1673
  7359. 01:33:55,230 --> 01:33:59,065
  7360. ♪ and see what happens to me
  7361.  
  7362. 1674
  7363. 01:34:02,303 --> 01:34:05,138
  7364. ♪ if I don't do a
  7365.  
  7366. 1675
  7367. 01:34:05,140 --> 01:34:08,575
  7368. ♪ god damn thing at all
  7369.  
  7370. 1676
  7371. 01:34:16,217 --> 01:34:18,118
  7372. ♪ everything ain't going
  7373.  
  7374. 1677
  7375. 01:34:18,120 --> 01:34:20,987
  7376. ♪ the way I had planned
  7377.  
  7378. 1678
  7379. 01:34:20,989 --> 01:34:23,590
  7380. ♪ everything ain't going
  7381.  
  7382. 1679
  7383. 01:34:23,592 --> 01:34:26,559
  7384. ♪ the way I had planned
  7385.  
  7386. 1680
  7387. 01:34:26,561 --> 01:34:29,462
  7388. ♪ so I'm gonna sit
  7389.  
  7390. 1681
  7391. 01:34:29,464 --> 01:34:32,766
  7392. ♪ myself down right here
  7393.  
  7394. 1682
  7395. 01:34:32,768 --> 01:34:36,102
  7396. ♪ and see what happens
  7397.  
  7398. 1683
  7399. 01:34:37,738 --> 01:34:41,307
  7400. ♪ to me if I don't do
  7401.  
  7402. 1684
  7403. 01:34:41,309 --> 01:34:45,011
  7404. ♪ a god damn thing at all
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