this situation should not be happening, and if it is it's my fault, or both our fault, and it's making me hate myself because i want it to be perfect.
do you think i deserve this? i dont think so. can we just start over?
i only made 2 small mistakes, what happened
you dont know how hard living alone can be, + you dont know what i've gone through/am going through, give me a break, you dont understand the soul crushing loneliness of working life
i only ever want to do things to make you happy, nothing negative, or manipulative, ever
without any doubt we both were happier when it was pure, and honest, that should always be the goal
seeing you smile and your eyes light up is all for me
if you think that's wrong i don't know what to tell you, i think we both know it's right ? am i crazy? or stupid ? dont limit me or put me in a box please, there's much more to offer than this russian SMS

what i wrote before is pasted below because it's still very much how i feel


do you think this f up situation is clever or unique? it's something thousands of other girls have done to thousands of other guys

and you know what? we both know we're better than that
do you know who edward snowden is? he was exiled for freedom of information, he likes free speech, i do too, i don't like limitations

if you love someone you should naturally want to stay close ? if i messaged you too much then it's your fault for initiating manipulating me into doing that, and my fault for falling for it
i could never do something like that to you
do you think i cannot behave myself? you know i can be good at being quiet, and i shouldn't send you one thing and should wait for you to talk to me first, it's the right thing to do, it's your turn
you know what the biggest issue is? it's more boring like this. and my libido is lower
i understand my age is not a problem anymore, so there should be no more point to doing it

i hate this situation so much, lol @ thinking not talking is okay, what planet are you from where it's ok ?
i said it was already really hard even without limits
never in a million years did i think you would turn around me adding you into something like this and i can never accept it, it feels like being exiled
if you want to try to impose conditions on how this is going to work, then i should impose conditions of my own, it's only fair:
1) i will be loyal to you if you will be loyal to me, you have to wait for and save yourself for me
2) we need to talk sometimes obviously, clearly, or what?
seeing your eyes light up when i would type to you, or just talk in a simple way, at this point so far outside of physically being with you it's all i want
can you stop trying to do things to try and get a rise out of me? simple honest communication is better, and healthier, it not wise to make anything hard
you really should start listening to these ideas, i think ?
i don't like conflict much, i just want to feel at peace and content and sleep again, is it so much to ask
this situation is not normal, if i'm looking at waiting for you for i don't know how long exactly, we should be striving towards some better feeling of closeness considering everything else, so don't be too stubborn please right
i really don't think i am being unreasonable here
simply asking for a bit of sympathy