KISS DAMNIT (fic)

"I, I just, you're just..." Paloma stammered as Cucali unwrapped her bandages.

"You just what?!"

"... you obviously care, Cucali."

Cucali paused. "No I fuckin' don't. I told you, I only did that to protect my moirail."

"Well I... I..."

"You what?!"

"I just mean... it's nice that you're taking care of me."

"Ain't doin' it for you."

"You're really not?"

"No!"

Paloma looked away, and Cucali used the silence to finish checking her wounds.

"You'll be fine," she said, "if you can stop fuckin' around with trolls who're better than you. Now shut up, I've gotta bandage up your fuckin' chest." Cucali grabbed the bandages and huffed.

Paloma let Cucali finish, and when she did, she carefully wrapped her arms around Cucali. The woman froze, unsure of what to do for a moment.

"Thank you."

"Fuck you! Get off me!"

Cucali shoved Paloma off of her, gently. Gently enough that Paloma smiled as she back.

"I wish..." She blushed.

"What?"

"I... I wish I could leave you alone like you want me to." Paloma a gentle laid a hand on Cucali's shoulder. Cucali shrugged her off.

"You fuckin' well should."

"I just, I can't."

"You're soundin' like some sort of lovesick loon!"

Paloma was silent. Her blush burnt brightly.

"Oh my god, you really are, aren't you?!"

"I..."

Paloma couldn't finish her sentence as Cucali shoved her away.

"Don't you get any ideas like that! I don't like you! Got it?!"

"Cucali..."

"Don't you 'Cucali' me! I'm NOT doin' this for you!"

"Cucali, you obviously care!"

"No I fuckin' don't!"

Paloma stepped up to Cucali, gaze set on her eyes. "Then why?!"

"Why what, you dumbass?"

"Why did you save me?!"

"So your stupid brickblood wouldn't poison my moirail!"

"Why did you spare me?"

"Why don't you shut up?!" Cucali's hand came up - but instead of punching Paloma, she punched the wall. Paloma reached up and touched Cucali's hand, looking her in the eyes.

"Why, Cucali? Tell me why."

"I don't have to answer to you!"

"You don't have to, but I want you to."

"Well keep wishin'!" Cucali pulled her hand back, folding her arms.

Paloma looked away to try and hide the tears welling in her eyes.

"You... really don't like me?"

"Whoaaa, someone give this girl a medal! She's thinkin'! Puttin' facts together!" Cucali brought her hands together in a round of sarcastic applause.

Paloma looked up at her, glaring, the tears running down her cheeks. It made Cucali's expression falter -- for all of a moment.

"Aww, the little scumblood's upset with the big, bad seadweller!"

"I, I'm not upset with you."

"You're cryin'!"

"I'm disappointed!"

Cucali faltered again, her sneer turning into a grimace. She did slap Paloma, this time, the crack ringing out in the hive.

"Fuck you! I don't need your pity!"

Paloma reached up to rub at her cheek, and then, looking up at Cucali, she lifted her hand and slapped her back.

SMACK.

"The fuck are you doin', scumblood?!"

"Standing up to you." Paloma stepped up to Cucali, shoulders back. "Is that what you want? For me to stop being such a bad troll and stop taking your abuse?"

"I -" Cucali glared at Paloma, her words lost for a moment. "- I don't want you to do shit, mossblood! I just want you to leave me alone!"

"Then why haven't you pushed me out yet? You've checked my wounds."

"Shut up! It's my hive, so I choose what goes on in it!"

"I won't shut up. I, I have something to tell you, Cucali."

"Oh great, more yakkin' about friendship?"

"No." Paloma looked up at Cucali with determined eyes. "I want... I want you to know I adore you. If, if I were braver I... I'd kiss you. But, but I'm not. So I, I'm making it known the best way I can."

"Well I don't want nothin' like that!"

"Then why do you keep helping me?"

"To fuck with your mind, dumbass! Why would I care about someone so spineless?!"

"... I'm not asking you to care. I'm just, saying what I see."

"You must be blind!"

"You're the blind one, Cucali. Blinded by your fear. I scare you."

"You?!" Cucali scoffed. "You couldn't scare a mouse, let alone me!"

"I keep coming back, even though you hit me and scream at me. Can you comprehend it? Can you even understand, Cucali?"

"Fuck you."

"I tried to reach out to you. I did everything I could. I stood up to you, I stood down. I chased you down and finally I left you alone. But you keep sending me mixed signals! You say you don't care about me, then you spare my life! Twice! You say you want nothing to do with me, then you save me!"

"Can't you fuckin' listen? I said: fuck you." Cucali grabbed Paloma by the shoulders, staring into her eyes. "You don't know shit about this, and you don't want to be anything to me."

"Don't tell me what I want, Cucali. I, I pity you, okay?"

"No! It's not okay!" Cucali dragged Paloma in, yelling in her face. "I don't pity you, got it?! I don't give a shit about you! I'd kill you if my moirail didn't have an axe hangin' over her head! So just shut up!"

"Cucali."

"What?!"

"You... you're awfully close."

"'Cause I'm tryin' to prove a point, you idiot!"

"What, what are you trying to prove?"

"That I don't care!"

"Well I do! I care! I care and I, I'm not ashamed of it!"

"I am!"

"What?"

"I'm ashamed of you, okay?! Fuckin' mossblood getting all up in my business, it's shameful!"

"You... you wouldn't have to tell anyone. It could be our secret, Cucali."

"Ugh, listen to what you're saying! You're such a worthless piece of crap!"

"Am I? Am I really?"

"You don't deserve me!"

"But..." Paloma looked away."... do you want me?"

Cucali took Paloma's chin in a hand, lifting it, forcing her to look back up. "Listen here. You keep doin' this, and I'm gonna keep hurtin' you. You understand?"

"I do."

"Then you should fuckin' leave."

"I won't."

Cucali stroked Paloma's jaw with a thumb, staring at her, silent for a moment.

"You're a stupid idiot."

"I, I've fallen into pity."

"Then you're an even bigger moron than I thought."

Cucali leant down and kissed her. Paloma closed her eyes and sighed into Cucali's lips, bringing her hands up to rest against her back.

The kiss lingered for a few moments, chaste and tenative. Cucali pulled back, and pushed at Paloma's good shoulder, shoving her away. Her cheeks had turned a light purple.

"There. You got what you wanted. Now fuck off, and don't ever come back."

"Cucali..."

"FUCK. OFF!" Cucali roared, pointing at the door.

Paloma took the hint and finally fled. Cucali slumped into a chair, fingers coming up to touch her lips. Her voice shook as she muttered,

"... fuckin' scumblood..."