All Star Battle: ｢ＢＩＲＴＨＤＡＹ ＢＡＳＨ｣

>You are Southern Cross.
>And once again it’s that magical time of year that you and your mates celebrate your birthday by getting absolutely fucking smashed.
>Not that you don’t all end up spending most holidays like that.
>Or most days in general.
>But that’s not important.
>What is important is the resounding crack that cuts through the din of the pub as you and the assembled motley crew you call your mates slam your glasses onto the table, signalling another pint gone.
>”Ah, I am thinking it’s clear who is the winner, yes?”
>The first of your companions to speak is also the one that stands out the most, Gniezno the griffon.
>”Ye’re langered if ya think ya were anywhere close .”
>The next to speak is the unfortunately named Clover, or ‘Lucky’ to anyone that didn’t want a swift hoof to the guts.
>”Bah, typical pony tricks, lying to poor impoverished griffon kind.”
>”’ah amn’t! Tell ‘em Mac.”
>”Eeeeyup.”
>Gniezno’s feathers may be the colour of brick, but Big Mac, the final (not to mention, the newest) member of your group, was the only one that didn’t need to bullshit the claim of being built like a brick shithouse.
>Gniezno clucks his tongue and looks over to you for backup only to get a shrug in return.
"Sorry mate."
>”You win this round little ponies.”
>He makes a show of begrudgingly standing and heading to the bar, but you can tell he’s just taking the piss.
>Safe from buying another round, Lucky sneaks a hoof out and takes an onion ring from the ever diminishing bowl in the center of the table.
>With a flick he spins the offending hoop of batter into the air and then, on its return, lines himself up to catch it in his mouth.
>The onion ring descends, spinning all the time, falling closer and closer towards Lucky’s open mouth before disappearing inside...
>And falling into the empty beer jug beside him.
>It takes a moment for Lucky to realize that he didn't get the ring and he does, he looks around trying to discern where his snack went.
“Better luck next time mate.”
>”Gah, ‘ah ‘ad it. It was this close!”
>Sulking, he takes another ring and eats it normally as you lean back and try not to smile any more than you already are, lest you give yourself away.
>Under normal circumstances, a pony might wonder how the onion ring went from Lucky’s mouth to the empty jug, but you didn’t need to wonder, because you knew exactly how.
>An ordinary earth pony could never hope to move something from one location to another though anything other than their own brute strength, you recently acquired a power that made you anything but a normal pony.
>A stand, an entity that's (as far as you were aware) only visible to you, and which possesses the ability to cause anything crossing one threshold of one opening to exit out of another of a similar size.
>Case in point; you spot a stallion over at the bar knock back his own beer, only for the amber liquid to pour itself into your glass, rather than his throat.
>With your free drink secured (it is your birthday after all) you skull it in one pull, much to the amusement of stallion sitting opposite you.
>”Gettin’ slow in ya old age eh, Crossy me ol’ boy?”
“Someone’s gotta make sure Big Mac doesn’t lose all his bits to us seasoned drinkers.”
>”Eyu- hey.”
>”Hah. Ya lucky ya the birthday boy.”
"I think you've had a bit too much to drink mate. You're Lucky, I'm Cross. "
>You lean back, your smile turning into a full on shit eating grin as the stallion across from you bursts out laughing, and Big Mac just groans at the joke.
>Gniezno pushes his way back through the crowd around the bar, and you raise an eyebrow as you see he's only carrying one cup.
"You're not sore about having to buy the round, are you?"
>The griffon just smiles and hands the glass over to Big Mac.
>"Compliments of beautiful pegasus at the bar."
>He nods towards the offending mare, and all the heads at your table turn to suss her out as well.
>You're not sure whether to feel proud or jealous of Big Mac. The mare is stunning, from her icey blue mane to her well toned flanks, the colour of open sky.
>Thankfully she has her back to you all at the moment, so your collective perving goes unnoticed.
>Lucky's the first to articulate his thoughts; with a low whistle that sits right on the edge of hurting your ears.
>"What a ride. Look at 'er."
"Unfortunately for you Lucky she only has eyes for Red."
>Big Mac lives up to his nickname, and brings his glass up to try and disguise the rosiness in his cheeks.
>You cast your gaze over to Mac to rib him some more, only to stop dead as you spot something tumble from the bottom of his glass into his mouth.
>Acting on instinct you call upon your stand and feel your own mouth fill with beer, before something heavy and metallic depresses your tongue.
>You cover your mouth with a hoof and do your best fake cough as you slide off your seat and head towards the bathroom.
>"Where's he going?"
>"Probably headed to the jacks to have a quick wank over your mystery mare."
>Big Mac furrows his brow at Lucky, who quickly waves the larger stallion off.
>"I'm just taking the piss."
>As you approach the bathroom a sharp pain spears through your tongue, and it takes every ounce of willpower not to open your mouth.
>You stumble through the door and angle your way over to the sinks lining the far wall.
>You spit into the sink, splattering the porcelain with red splotches and depositing the thing from Big Mac's drink.
>Despite being able to see it clearly, you're even more confused as to exactly what it is.
>Its body resembles an arch with two pointed ends, and as you watch it stabs both ends into the bottom of the sink, rooting it in place.
>A pair of metallic eyes looking up at you from the top of the arch, and halfway between them and the now buried points you see small, stubby arms barely long enough for it to lift from its body.
"What the bloody hell are you?"
>"｢ＴＨＥ　ＣＨＡＩＮ｣."
>You whip around to the (decidedly female) voice and freeze as you see the business end of chain barreling towards you.
>You steel yourself for the impact, only for the chain to sail over your shoulder and clatter into the sink behind you.
>You follow the shimmering length back to the doorway of the bathroom, where you see it wrapped around the foreleg of the mare from the bar.
>Her violet eyes are laser focused on you, and her features are twisted into an ugly scowl.
>"I don't know who you think you are, but if you think you can keep me from him you've got another thing coming!"
"From..who? Big Mac?"
>At the mention of his name, the mare's expression softens, and her gaze seems to unfocus.
>"Big Mac... Ah I can see it now... Mrs Fleetfoot Mac..."
>You shift your weight, trying to figure out if you can somehow rush past her, only for Fleetfoot to snap out of her daydream and focus back on you.
>"We will be together!"
>Fleetfoot pulls her hoof back, and you throw yourself to the side only for the sink to slam into your side and send you crashing against the mirror.
>You cry out as you feel the mirror cut into your shoulder, and fall to the ground as dozens of shards fall around you.
>Fleetfoot's hoofsteps echo on the stained tiles of the bathroom as approaches, the length of shimmering chain sliding silently along the floor behind her.
>"There's only one reason you could see ｢ＴＨＥ　ＣＨＡＩＮ｣. You're a stand user as well, aren't you?"
>You groan, then wince as you feel your forelegs drag across the shards on the ground as you try to pick yourself up.
>Fleetfoot stops, and you raise your head to find her looming over you.
>"Go on then. Show me your stand."
>You shakily climb to your hooves and look her in the eyes before raising your hoof up and slamming it down straight into the middle of the jagged ring of mirror shards you made on the ground.
>Instead of slamming into hard tile, your hoof goes through and exits out of the gaping hole in the mirror above you and slams into Fleetfoot's face.
>She staggers back, and you launch yourself past her, beelining it for the nearest stall.
>"GET BACK HERE!"
>You leap, aiming straight for the toilet bowl only to choke as Fleetfoot's stand wraps itself around your throat.
>Though you bang your elbows on the porcelain, you have enough momentum to carry you into the toilet bowl and tumble through, coming out of the toilet at the other end of the row of stalls.
>You slam against the wall of the stall, and desperately claw at the length of chain around your neck.
>"It's no use. You'll never break ｢ＴＨＥ　ＣＨＡＩＮ｣!"
>You hear Fleetfoot approaching, and as you look for some advantage you follow the length of chain back into toilet bowl you just tumbled out of.
>Despite your situation, you can't help but grin even as Fleetfoot's stand digs tighter into your neck.
"Wanna bet?"
>Fleetfoot jerks her hoof, pulling you towards the toilet and with your last breath you call out;
"｢ＪＯＫＥＲ　ＡＮＤ　ＴＨＥ　ＴＨＩＥＦ｣!"
>The ghostly form of your stand manifests beside you and punches the rim of the toilet bowl, not only shattering the porcelain but the connection to the other bowl.
>You fall back as the chain suddenly goes slack, and turn to see Fleetfoot clutching the ragged wound circling her foreleg.
>"You bastard. You'll never keep me and Big Mac apart! We WILL be together!"
>"Nnnope."
>Both you and Fleetfoot whip around toward the entrance of the bathroom and see Big Mac standing there fixing a stern gaze on Fleetfoot.
>"B-but I love you!"
>"Well I don't want anypony who attacks my friends loving me."
>"I- I..."
>Fleetfoot chokes, then erupts into a full on bawl as she gallops out the door.
>You let out a breath you didn't even realize you were holding and slump against the wall of the store.
"Thanks for the save mate."
>"Are you ok?"
"Yea nah, I'll be right."
>You push yourself off the wall and head for the door.
"Come on. Next rounds on me."

ＦＬＥＥＴＦＯＯＴ
ＳＴＡＮＤ：　｢ＴＨＥ　ＣＨＡＩＮ｣
ＳＴＡＴＵＳ：　｢ＲＥＴＩＲＥＤ｣（ＢＲＯＫＥＮ　ＨＥＡＲＴ）