Copper Wing by Anon [Royal Guard Mare Thread]

>You take a deep breath and rest your chin on a palm.
"For the last time, I don't need a stupid guard. And to be honest, if someone wants to assassinate me, I'd be more than happy to oblige them."
>"It's tradition that every important guest here at Canterlot be assigned the appropriate number of royal guards to ensure their safety," Celestia says, sitting opposite you at the table. "All the other ambassadors have their escorts. No one's going to give you weird looks if you have your own."
>You know.
>A minotaur has a whole army behind his ass.
>He's probably behind their ass, too, from the way he hungrily eyed them.
"It's not about that. Look, I just..."
>You take a deep breath.
"Can't you just give my guards to someone else? I'm a big fan of my own personal privacy, you know? Don't want to have a tiny horse looking right into my eyes as I'm taking my morning dump."
>Celestia seems unfazed by the crude remark as she sips her tea.
>Her sister, on the other hand, stifles a small laugh.
>"You won't even know that they're with you."
"Uh huh."
>"And besides. Someone needs to keep an eye on you. Heaven knows how many...incidents you've been involved in so far."
>She's referring to those times you've tried to get yourself fired as an ambassador.
>Graffiti on the walls.
>Cake smeared across the throne.
>Chickens in one of the guests' bedrooms.
>Femanon's bedroom, to be more precise.
>That stuck up sloot.
>But you get it.
"Let me guess. It's not for my protection. You need me to be babysat."
>"No," Celestia says.
>"Yes," Luna says at the same time.
>They look at each other, Luna still trying to hold back a grin.
>"Well, yes and no," Celestia says, turning back to you. "So you understand that this isn't a request. This is required."
>Required, your ass.
"You can't do this."
>"It is already done."
>Celestia calls to whoever's outside.
>"You may come in now."
>You turn to look at the parting double doors, revealing a single pegasus standing at the ready with a deadpan expression.
>White coat.
>Blueish mane.
>Typical royal guard armor.
>Typical royal guard look.
"Where's the rest?"
>"Oh, did I refer to your protection as 'they?'" Celestia asks. "I meant she, as in Copper Wing."
>Copper Wing?
>Nothing about her is copper.
>Your copper-less new escort salutes.
>"Reporting for duty, Your Highness!"
>"Copper Wing here will make sure that you, and Canterlot for that matter, will survive this Olympic summit in one piece."
>Hold the phone.
>Everyone else gets two or more guards to accompany them wherever they go.
>But you get ONE?
"Wait a minute. One guard? ONE GUARD?"
>"Well, you did want no guards at all. So I thought, why not compromise?"
"B-but what if I get attacked by multiple assassins at once?"
>"I'm certain that Copper Wing would be more than capable of fending off such an attempt at your life, despite her short tenure as a royal guard."
>Celestia gives a tiny smirk.
>"And besides, I thought that if someone wanted to assassinate you, you'd be more than happy to oblige them."
>You open your mouth to respond, but nothing comes out.
>She got you.
>Clever girl.
>In an attempt to save face, you stand up with an air of indignance.
"You're a very rude horse princess. You know that?"
>And you hurriedly rush out of the room with Copper trailing right behind you.
____________________
"Look, I don't care what you do. Just don't follow me, okay?"
>"No, sir."
"What do you mean, 'no?' You are to follow my orders, right?"
>"Yes, sir."
"Then this is my order to you. Don't follow me."
>"No, sir."
"Pretty please?"
>"No, sir."
>Stupid Cop.
>That's what you should call her from now on.
>Because she's the anti-fun police or something.
>You take a deep breath as you look around the crowded hallway.
>Members of different species are wandering about, taking in the admittedly admirable Canterlot architecture.
>Gryphons, minotaurs, and humans intermingle and shoot the shit.
>What a waste of time.
>You just want to go home and never come back to this shiny, magical place of torment.
>It's like one moment, you hear that contact has been made with an alien species.
>The next thing you know, you're partly responsible for continuing friendly relations with the mysterious talking beings of a land they call 'Equestria.'
>Why you?
>Blame your upper class parents and their stupid ambitions they have on your behalf.
>But that's enough exposition for now.
"Is there anything that would convince you to leave me alone for at least five minutes? What do you want? Money? Fame? Power? I mean, I don't have any of those but come on! There has to be something!"
>"My duty is to protect you, sir. What I want is irrelevant."
>You collapse onto a nearby chair and rub your tired eyes.
"Ugh. Kill me."
>"No, sir."
>Think, Anon. Think.
>You have to get rid of this horse if you ever want to taste freedom again.
>She doesn't seem keen on giving you that chance, though.
>But what if you somehow managed to get away from her?
>Make her fail at doing her job?
>Then maybe she'd get fired, and they'll assign you a new guard.
>And then you'll get that guard fired, and keep going until they give up and let you be on your own.
>But what if Sunbutt assigns even more guards to you?
>It's a risk you'll have to take for the sake of freedom.
>Truly no cause is nobler than yours.
>Scanning around, you spot a booth handing out complimentary cups of coffee.
>Bingo.
>Time to earn your Academy Award for Best Actor.
>Putting on an expression of pain, you slouch lower into your chair, making sure to make audible groans.
>Copper seems to buy it, leaning forward with a panicked expression.
>"Is something the matter, sir?"
"Oh, dear Copper, my friend. I find myself to be at the entrance to death's door."
>Her eyes widen, and she starts to look around as if trying to find something.
>"What happened? Are you sick? Did someone poison you? We need to get help right away!"
>You feebly cough into a shaking hand.
"Copper, my loyal servant. Listen to me."
>"Help! Someone help!"
>You grab her sides and drag her in.
"Listen to me!" you say in a hushed whisper. "I can be saved yet. For us humans need sustenance to survive."
>"Are y-you starving to death?" she asks, her breathing unsteady.
"I'm afraid so, my sweet, sweet Copper. You see, we humans rely on a specific nutrient found both in our world and yours. It is our life essence. Many a song has been written about this sweet, pure substance that has given life to mankind, dating as far back as..."
>What the fuck are you rambling on about?
>Get to the point.
>You shake your head.
"Anyways, what I'm trying to say is, I'm gonna die unless you get me a cup of coffee."
>"W-what?"
>You set her down and turn her around to face the booth.
"Coffee, you id--...my friend. Get me some or I will die."
>"Coffee, coffee, coffee," she repeats to herself as she looks around.
>Then she finally seems to make the connection in her head.
>"Coffee! You need coffee!"
>You try your best to not roll your eyes.
>"I'll get you some right away! Don't move, sir!"
"Take your time," you say, your voice barely a whisper now.
>She immediately leaps into the air and flies over to the booth.
>"One cup of coffee, please!" she says to the colt in charge.
>"You'll have to wait in line like everyone else," he replies monotonously.
>"No, you don't understand! This is an emergency! Someone's going to die if I don't get him coffee!"
>"So what? I'm gonna die if I don't get mine either!" A baggy-eyed gryphon in line shouts at her. "If you want a cup, you can wait in line like the rest of us!"
>"B-but..."
>"No buts," the colt says. "You either get in line, or you get out."
>This is too rich.
>Copper looks over at you with visible concern, and you wave with an unsteady hand.
>Hopefully she doesn't see the smile you're trying to suppress.
>She turns back to try to reason with the colt in charge, much to the annoyance of everyone else.
>That'll keep her occupied.
>Now's your chance.
>In one smooth motion, you slide down on all fours to keep a low profile.
>Some passerby give you odd looks, but otherwise don't pay much mind.
>And so you crawl away from your unaware captor who's trying to save your dear life.
>A part of you feels bad for betraying her trust, but the victory is more than worth it.
>Mission accomplished.
____________________
>It's really dark and cramped in here.
>Not really your ideal place to let loose and do nothing.
>But it's so nice to have alone time.
>Just you and your thoughts.
>You can do and say anything you want without being watched.
>Or worrying about being judged.
>Or lectured at by his parents for being a leech without any trace of ambition who needs to get his act together if he wants to continue living under a roof and not a cardboard box.
>Yep. This is the life.
>Those stupid princesses and their dumb rules.
>Protection, your ass.
>You wonder what Copper's doing right now.
>Maybe she's panicking out of her mind, her life flashing before her eyes as she desperately searches for you.
>Maybe she took the hint and went off to do her own thing, fully confident that you can take care of yourself.
>Maybe she's--
>The doors swing open, blinding you with bright light.
>You bring up a hand to shield your unprepared eyes, but you aren't prepared for the ear-splitting scream that follows moments later.
>"Anon! What the fuck are you doing here?" Femanon shrieks.
"Hey! Shhhh!"
>"No! Don't 'shhhhhh' me! What are you doing in my closet?"
"I'm hiding, okay?"
>Femanon puts her hands on her hips.
>"Oh yeah? From what? Your insecurities?"
>Oh ha ha.
>She's a riot.
"My guard. Now shhhhh! Or else she might hear you!"
>"Whatever, asshole. Get the fuck out of my room, you creep."
"I wasn't creeping, you cunt!"
>Two guards burst into the room.
>"Miss! Is everything okay?"
>Femanon turns around.
>"Yeah. There was an asshole in my room. But he's just about to see himself out."
>The guards exit the room and close the door.
>You turn around to re-enter your quiet place.
>"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"
"To safety. I'm gonna hide in here until everything clears out."
>"Like hell you are. Get out or my guards will make you. Why can't you hide in your own room?"
"Are you stupid? That's where she'll loo--"
>Someone knocks on the door.
>Uh oh.
>That might be her.
"If that's someone named Copper Wing, then tell her that I'm not here! I'll owe you one!"
>And with that, you slam yourself inside Femanon's closet.
>"I'm not-- oh for Pete's sake."
>She sighs.
>You press an ear against the door to eavesdrop.
>The door opens.
>"What do you want?"
>"I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm here to look for a human by the name of Anonymous," a familiar, out of breath voice says. "Do you by any chance know where he is?"
>Shit.
>"Anonymous? Oh gee, that asshole?" Femanon says rather sarcastically. "I have NO idea where that waste of space is. Where could he possibly be?"
>You hear footsteps coming closer to your hideout, and you hold your breath, lest they hear you.
>Please no.
>"He's definitely not in this room. No, ma'am. What a surprise it would be if he was actually hiding in this specific room."
>You have no idea what to do at this point.
>The closet door suddenly swings open, causing you to fall flat on your face in the main room.
>Ouch.
>"Oh, what's this? Anonymous was here the entire time? Who could have guessed?"
>You look up to see Femanon with a triumphant smirk on her face.
>Is this payback for the chickens?
>Because that wasn't personal.
>On the other hand, Copper doesn't look too pleased.
>She looks down at you with an expression you can't quite read.
>But you're certain it's somewhere between contempt and silent rage.
>One of her hooves is holding a styrofoam cup.
"Oh, uhh, you got my coffee."
>No response.
>The tension is killing you.
>Reminds you of home.
"I'll take that. Th-thanks."
>You gingerly grab the cup from her motionless hoof and take a sip.
>The cup is half empty, and the contents lukewarm.
>Judging from the stains on her armor and coat, she must've been searching for you in quite the frenzy.
>Nothing but silence fills the room as you slowly drain the tiny cup, Femanon and Copper continuing to look down at you.
>Finally, you finish and wipe your mouth with a sleeve.
"Thanks for saving my life. I f-feel better already. H-heh..."
>You hold out the empty cup for your guard to accept, but she doesn't move.
>"Anonymous?"
"Yeah?"
>"Humans don't need coffee to survive. Am I right?"
"I, uhhh..."
>"You're right," Femanon says. "Here's a helpful tip. Don't believe anything that comes out of Anon's mouth. I learned that the hard way."
"Look, Fem. If it's about the chickens..."
>"It's not about the chickens!"
"I wasn't lying when I said that I didn't know that they liked to use fabric for their nests."
>"I just told you that it's not about the stupid chickens!"
>Copper eyes the two of you cautiously.
>Well, this is getting awkward.
"Okay, okay," you say, slowly getting up on your legs. "I see that you're upset. I'll get out of your hair."
>"Please do."
"Alright. I'm going to slowly and peacefully walk out of your quarters without any incident or--"
>And you break into a sprint out of the room and down the hall.
>Copper is the first to recover from the surprise.
>"Son of a--" she mutters under her breath.
>And she takes off after you with her wings.
>Femanon takes a deep breath and pinches the bridge of her nose.
>"Of all the possible choices, they HAD to pick him."
____________________
>After what feels like an eternity, you turn a corner and stop running, resting your hands on your knees.
>Your chest aches.
>Your legs are sore.
>Sweat is dripping down your forehead.
>And honestly? You feel like taking a nice nap.
>At this point, you don't even know what you hope to achieve.
>That pegasus will find you sooner or later.
>And from the way you betrayed her, she'd probably never fall for one of your clever ruses again.
>Stupid Cop.
>Stupid Sunbutt.
>Stupid Fem.
>Stupid summit.
>You just want to be left alone for once in your life.
>Is that too much to ask?
>Getting back into an upright position, you continue walking down whatever hallway you're at, but stop at the sound of hooves to your side.
>You turn to see Copper standing next to you.
>She looks mildly annoyed and smug at the same time.
>That's an emotion you've never seen before.
"W-what? How?"
>"It is my duty to accompany and protect you, and you can't change that, sir."
"I order you to go shove a massive rod up your ass!"
>And you take off into a desperate sprint away from your oppressor.
>She easily catches up to you in the air.
>You can feel the beat of her wings against your face as she flies by your side.
>"I would advise you not continue going down this path, sir."
>Was that literal or metaphorical?
>Either way, you're not listening.
>A door comes into view, and you pump your last remaining bits of energy into your legs in hopes of somehow losing her in what lies beyond there.
>"Sir, I repeat. I urge you to stop."
"You can't tell me what to do!"
>"Do you even know where you're going, sir?" Copper says with waning restraint. "Huh?"
"Fuck...you," you say between breaths.
>You finally reach the door, grabbing the handle and using your momentum to swing it open.
>Bright, natural light momentarily floods your vision, causing you to squint.
>But even with the sudden change in brightness, you catch sight of what appears to be the railing of a balcony.
>Aw, shit.
>You try to stop, but you're going too fast.
>And the next thing you know, you're looking directly at the ground, the wind rushing at your face.
>Your mind and body seem to detach as your life flashes before your eyes.
>So this is how it ends, huh?
>It's fitting in a way.
>You wanted freedom.
>And freedom is what you're gonna get, though not the way you quite expected.
>A distant scream can be heard, but you don't know if that's your own.
>Some ponies on the ground stare up at you in disbelief, frozen in place as they watch the first human to ever kill himself in a stupid manner in Equestria.
>Suddenly, something warm and soft grips your arm.
>At first, you think it's an angel guiding you towards the great beyond.
>But you look up to see Copper holding on to you with all her strength, her wings beating furiously in hopes of slowing your fall.
>Hold the phone.
>You're not dead yet.
>You instinctively grab on to her hooves with both hands, your legs now dangling in the air as your guardian captor tries to save you.
>Sweat beads on her forehead, and she looks like she's going to explode if she tries any harder.
>Despite her small frame, you can actually feel yourself decelerating.
>Holy shit.
>You might actually live.
>You might not be the first human to die in a stupid--
>Suddenly, your back impacts a large wooden barrel, knocking the wind out of you.
>You're too stunned to move as your body slides off and onto yet another barrel, this time landing on your stomach.
"Ooof!"
>One more fall and you're on solid ground.
>You'd kiss it, but you're not exactly that thankful to be alive right now.
>A couple curious ponies trot up to you.
>"Is he dead?"
>"I don't know. Do you see any blood?"
>"What color do they bleed?"
>"It's purple, right?"
>Copper lands in front of you and shoves her way between a couple curious bystanders.
>She's breathing really heavily.
>"Sir..." she says, then pausing to swallow. "Are you alright, sir?"
"Ugh," you feebly reply.
>"Oh, thank Celestia," she says, allowing herself to smile before remembering that she's upset at you.
"You've made my life a living hell. You know that?"
>You're too winded to say anything more.
>Copper wipes some sweat off her forehead.
>Out of the corner of your eye, you see that one of the barrels you crashed into has spilled some fireworks onto the ground.
>You look around to find that you're actually surrounded by them, all neatly categorized by size and type.
>Must be for the picnic later tonight.
>Good thing they're not lit or anything.
>Except for that one unattended sparkler that's dangerously close to a group of missile-shaped fireworks.
>Someone must've dropped it when you crash landed.
>Not good.
"Eh ferwer," you weakly say, trying to warn Copper about the imminent threat to everyone's safety.
>"What?" she says.
"Eh fuggeh furweh."
>Copper puts an ear close to your mouth.
>"Say that again, sir?"
>But it's too late.
>The sparkler ignited not one, but multiple lines of the soon-to-be-lethal weapons
>As soon as those flames reach their destination, then...
"Uh oh."
>"Uh oh? What's that supposed to mean?"
>A loud scream and hiss fill the air, followed my more just like it.
>Copper turns around to find the source of the noise.
>Her ears drop.
>"Uh oh."
>The missiles fly randomly through the air, some of them exploding above ground into a pretty assortment of glowing colors.
>The rest, well...
>Anything's and everything's a target now.
>Ponies.
>Non-ponies.
>Trees.
>Windows.
>Everyone starts screaming and running for cover as World War F begins in the Canterlot Gardens.
>A band starts to play the Equestrian national anthem for some reason.
>Copper hoists you up.
>"We need to get out of here, sir! Now!"
>Your strength finally returns to you, and you follow her lead.
>However, one large firework catches your eye.
>It's huge.
>And you mean HUGE.
>And of fucking course, it's already lit.
"Fuck me."
>"I beg your pardon, sir?"
>A large scream pierces the air as the military-grade firework shoots straight into the sky...
>...towards one of the parked blimps idling over Canterlot.
>Fortunately no one's inside it.
>You think.
>But who knows?
>Maybe it'll miss.
>Spoilers.
>It doesn't.
>Fire and smoke suddenly burst out of the crumpling envelope as the firework hits its mark.
>Onlookers gasp and scream as they witness Equestria's Hindenburg come slowly crashing towards the earth.
>As terrible as it is, you have to admit that the scene is kinda pretty.
>Almost poetic.
>The blimp lands in an empty patch of grass, fire now engulfing most of the once proud airship.
>Sirens can be heard in the distance.
>The two of you watch the whole scene unfold in silence.
>Copper's now sitting on the grass, mouth slightly agape.
>Yep, the both of you are so fucked.
>Suddenly, the sound of shuffling armor can be heard approaching.
>You turn around to see a small group of guards headed your way.
"Here comes the fuzz."
>Copper sees them as well, and jumps up to attention.
>The leader of the group comes forward, and he does not look happy.
>"PRIVATE. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"
>Copper seems to shrink.
>"Uh, I...Sir, I, umm..."
>"ARE YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?"
>"Well, you see, sir..."
>"I've been getting messages nonstop that Canterlot's experiencing a domestic attack! DO YOU REALIZE WHAT KIND OF JEOPARDY YOU PUT US ALL IN?"
>Copper's in a clearly visible state of shock.
>She looks at you, but you're too off-guard to say anything yourself.
>Her superior sighs and turns to you.
>"I apologize for her behavior. I'll see to it that she receives the appropriate punishment for her irresponsible actions. Chances are that she'll be dishonorably discharged by the end of the week."
>He turns to your ex-guard.
>"Follow me."
>The leader turns and marches away.
>Copper follows suit, her head hanging low and ears drooping downward.
>You watch them go, simply standing there as the chaos continues in the background.
>This is good, right?
>You somehow managed to get rid of your anti-fun guard.
>Meaning that it's time to move on with the next step of your master plan.
>She really does look heartbroken, though.
>From the way she hunted you down, you figured that she'd be more of a fighter.
>That she'd at least try to defend herself against the heinous crimes that you unintentionally committed.
>Don't feel bad, Anon.
>It happens.
>There's nothing you can do.
>Right?
>Don't think about it.
>Don't you dare--
>You take a deep breath and catch up to Copper's superior, stepping in front of him to block his path.
"Wait a minute."
>He and the rest of the guards halt.
>"Is there anything I can help you with, sir?"
>You're actually doing this, aren't you?
>You big, pathetic softie.
"Maybe you shouldn't punish Copper Wing for what happened today."
>Copper looks up at you.
>She seems as equally confused as her superior.
>The leader cocks his head to the side.
>"Sir?"
"It's not her fault that, uhh, you know..."
>You make an explosion gesture with your hands with an added sound effect.
"She actually..." you say, scratching the back of your head. "She actually saved my life. I'm the one who did it. All of it. And she...shouldn't be punished for that."
>A pause.
>"So what you're telling me is that you're the one who caused what happened back there?"
>You mindlessly kick the ground.
"Yeah. You can tell Celestia that. I doubt she'll be surprised."
>More silence.
>If the guard in front of you is any bit furious, he is really good at hiding it.
>"I...see."
>He turns to Copper.
>"Private? Escort Anonymous to his room. Don't let him out until all this clears up."
>Grounded.
>And with that, he and his troops walk away, leaving you with your unfired guard.
>Welp.
>You dodged a bullet, only to shoot yourself in the foot.
>Or head, depending on how Sunbutt's going to take this.
>Copper slowly walks up to you, as though unsure if she's dreaming.
>"Did you just...save me?"
>You give her a weak smile.
"Yeah. I can't let you steal the credit for my accomplishments. But, uhh, thanks. For not letting me become a pancake."
>She looks back to examine the carnage.
>The fire department's at the scene now, evacuating guests and saving what they can of the blimp.
>"Thanks...for letting me keep my job."
"So...we're square?"
>"Not even close," she says, the fatigue visible in her voice. "But it's a step in the right direction."
>Her job for your life?
>Yeah.
>Not exactly a fair trade.
"Well, I'm going to enjoy what could possibly be my last night in Equestria by passing out in my bed."
>"Let me escort you."
>You sigh.
"Not like I ever had a choice to begin with. Alright. Let's go."
>"Yes, sir."
>Looks like the 'sir' is back.
>The two of you walk towards the castle entrance.
>Your entire body is sore, but at this point you don't care anymore.
>You've already accepted defeat.
"I don't think we've ever made proper introductions. I'm Anonymous, but people call me 'Anon.'"
>"Name's Copper Wing, but ponies call me 'Copper.'"
"Pleasure to meet you."
>She doesn't respond.
"Pleasure to meet you too, Anon," you say, doing your best impression of Copper's voice.
>"I hope it is, sir."
>Close enough.