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- Her name is Haley (Hartshorne)
- She's from Ohio
- She smiled at me when I walked in to talk with her
- Red-Brown hair
- Lots of freckles
- EXTREMELY CUTE
- I think this is going to work ❤️
- Nope
- Doesn't like me back💔
- So now I'm going for Kaitlyn
- Actually, probably Zoey now
- We're in NEIBA
- I actually got to hold her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- She never tried to get out of it, so this is probably going to work! 💜
- Asked for her number today...
- She GAVE it to me!
- Getting David to see if she likes me back
- I fell like I'm being a wuss
- But I want to see
- Nope
- She doesn't
- So I'm gonna try Kaitlyn 💛
- Man, I got her number!
- I feel so happy!!!!!!
- Well she hasn't replied so I don't think she's into me
- So I'm going to try Lauren
- OMG
- Izzy Moes just told me she liked me via text
- But she never confirmed at school like I asked her to
- Maybe it was a prank
- Idk
- (Later confirmed that it was Steven pranking me)
- Last day of school
- Got Lauren's number
- Too afraid to call
- Ooooh I finally did!
- Yes! I really think she's into me!
- Nope
- Hasn't called back
- Doesn't wave in hallways
- So I'm going to go for Kasey, who is probably the hottest girl I have ever seen
- She’s also an identical twin
- Well I haven't gotten to talk with her
- So I'm going to try to ask Mercedes to homecoming
- If I don't do it tomorrow I will regret it
- I already told the people at my table that I would tell them tomorrow
- They said they wouldn't tell but with Cavan always holding stuff over my head Idk
- Well she already has a boyfriend
- And she's kinda in 10th grade?
- Yeah, so idk
- Kasey probably already has someone to go with
- So maybe I'll ask out a girl from my soccer team
- Her name is Isabel
- I don't know if she likes me but I'm gonna find out real soon
- Found a new app called TBH
- I got to talk to Kasey with it
- Got her number!
- She actually wants to have conversations with me!!!!!
- Saw her today in the hall
- Smiled and waved hi
- She did back!
- I feel awesome
- She's the hottest girl I know, so if this works out...
- I'm going to be one happy guy
- Now she's apologizing for leaving so quickly
- I really think she's into me!!!
- Oh man oh man oh man
- She's probably not
- She thought we were just talking as friends
- I was talking to her as a friend, but I want to be more than friends
- Maybe she's just playing along like I am
- WPA is coming up, I'm probably going to accept anyone that asks me out
- Nobody did, but I kinda figured that
- I mean, there’s a few people I like
- Not sure if I’m going to go for them though
- I had a long drawn out conversation with Kasey
- She’s not into me, but that’s fine I guess
- I also asked out Waverly, a cute redhead in my Spanish class
- She said she likes me, but doesn’t want to “hold me back” because she might be moving
- So I met Nicole in English
- She talks to me a LOT
- She might like me
- I asked her for her number, and she refused
- Definitely not interested
- Here we are at the end of the school year
- Whatever
- Okay, so I’m back in school
- I met three new girls that might be into me
- Rileigh, Janna, and Marissa
- All three of them talk with me a lot
- Okay so Rileigh is dating Eli
- So Marissa and Janna
- I talk to both of them frequently
- I talk with Janna after Spanish and with Marissa during English
- I laugh a ton with Janna
- She’s probably into me (however I’ve assumed wrong many times)
- Cavan thinks she’s really into me
- I really hope so
- I talked with Henry at show choir
- He says “he approves” lol
- I think this just might work
- I mean with Marissa it might work too
- But I’m doing a lot more with Janna
- Lads, this might be where I end the story
- I’m sorry, it was just getting interesting
- But I eventually asked Janna
- And she said YES!!!
- Nothing can explain the happiness I am feeling right now
- But I started talking with her
- We talked for about 45 minutes before I said “wait”
- Here’s dialogue of what happened next
- J: “What?”
- L: “Is it obvious?”
- J: “Just a little”
- L: “Well, I can’t deny it anymore, I really... like you, you’re just so sweet, I cry every night by reading your texts because of how sweet you are”
- At this point a guy walks up behind me, I notice and hold the door for him, he says thanks
- Continue dialogue:
- J: “Come on in, I don’t like the beeping”
- The door beeps if it’s open for too long
- I step inside
- J: “I’m the kind of person that really denies it to myself, but I like you too... you’re just such a sweet, amazing person”
- I have a small boner at this point, but it keeps growing and I’m getting anxious that she’ll see
- L: “and you’re just a cute, sensitive person”
- J: “Stop, you’re going to make me cry”
- She wipes tears from her eyes
- L: “Does this mean... we’re...”
- J: “What do you think?”
- L: “I hope so”
- J: “It’s up to you”
- L: “I choose yes”
- J: “Text me back later with your answer”
- L: “All right.”
- At this point she leaves, we say bye
- L: (yelling to her) “Have fun at your study table!”
- J: “I won’t!”
- L: “Try anyway”
- I went back inside, feeling too happy to describe
- So this very well might be the end of the story
- I guess if we ever break up it’ll resume again, but I don’t think we’ll break up for a while
- So once again, I’m sorry lads
- But thanks for reading
- And remember, if I can get through all these without dying, you can too
- Okay lads, story’s been reinstated
- Hours after it was discontinued
- Due to the fact she sent me a text saying “Hey, you are an amazing person and great friend! I've been thinking about what we talked about and i think that it would be for the best if we stayed friends and got to know each other that way.”
- So I’m asking if she’ll ever have feelings for me
- Today’s been a mix of emotions
- I just want to get this straight
- So I’m asking that right now
- If she will, then I’m fine
- If not, then time to go for Isabel
- I just... I really don’t know what else to add
- Just that I thought that I made it
- Thought that I won
- At least for a little bit
- Nope
- Blindsided
- Think again
- That’s how I feel at least
- I really just want all of this suffering to end
- But I don’t know if it ever will
- I’m even too afraid to talk to Cavan about this
- I may tell him tomorrow once I get an answer
- But now is not the time
- Now I’m fighting a life-and-death battle
- And it all pertains to what she answers that question with
- [expletive]
- She doesn’t like me
- And I asked Isabel about bowling, if she was going because she was on the bowling team
- And she blocks me
- Straight up blocked on SnapChat
- I’m not going to try texting her
- Maybe I made it too obvious?
- Anyways, I tugged at Janna a little more
- But it’s obvious she doesn’t like me
- And she’s not going to
- I said (and I quote): “Okay if you think I'm trying to do everything in my power to get you to go out with me, you're wrong.”
- I added it sounded a little harsh but I need her to know
- Now she barely even waves at me in the halls
- We don’t talk after Spanish
- I’m really just never going to get anyone
- I started a new snap story called “behind my fake smile” where I basically recall a ton of things that I don’t like or I [expletive] about my life
- 7 people wanted to see it, and Kylie Egbert and Kylie Fink both wanted to (and they’re both pretty hot)
- I haven’t added anything from here but I probably will eventually
- I also have lacked the will to do a lot of things
- I don’t even want to go to band or choir anymore, and I love those classes
- I swear I’m probably getting depression
- I need someone to talk to
- But being the idiot I am I’m probably just going to find an online chat room and see if I can help myself
- Or if I really just should die
- Like people tell me all the time
- I went on to the national suicide hotline online chat
- Took super long to get paired up
- The person that I was paired with didn’t seem like they spoke English
- That just made me more depressed
- Rileigh is trying to get me help but I don’t want it
- I’m just going to fall behind in my classes again and continue to lack motivation to do anything
- But I’ve finally realized
- My life sucks
- I used to say “it’ll get better”
- But it never does
- Alright lads, I may end up killing myself
- I don’t want it to get to that point but it’s coming closer every day
- So if this story stops suddenly, either I forgot about it or I died
- I’m going to call the suicide hotline
- See if they have anything they could help me with
- Finished the 16-minute call
- The guy introduced himself as Patrick
- Really nice guy
- Helped me with a lot of stuff
- I’m crying right now because I don’t think I know anyone that cares about me this much
- Except maybe Rileigh, but I’m not going to cry in front of my friends
- Stuff will get out
- Either people will think we’re dating or they’ll think I’m a crybaby
- But talking with him helped me so much
- I’m sure almost everyone on the staff is super helpful and supportive
- Except for the person I talked with on online chat yesterday
- But I’m so glad I called
- I hope that anyone experiencing these kinds of emotions calls to get help
- Because that really helped me out
- He wants me to “find my true self”
- My real personality
- Something I haven’t put much thought into
- Are girls really worth it all?
- If I ask another one out and they reject me, I’ll just call again
- It shouldn’t be too hard
- They’ll make me feel much better
- He also wanted me to talk with a counselor
- Which I might do
- He also said “it’s okay to be selfish every once in a while”
- Which I need to start doing
- I love making other people happy more than I love making myself happy
- I wish my parents were this supportive
- My dad would probably just say “you think you have it bad?” And talk about what he had when he was a kid
- My mom would probably just laugh at me
- Both would tell me “yes, kill yourself”
- I’m positive that if I killed myself, they either wouldn’t care or would be glad
- Same with my siblings
- Same with most of my friends
- It wouldn’t be the same for them
- But they’d probably understand, wouldn’t they?
- So I talked with a counselor after much arguing with Rileigh
- Gave him background details on Monday
- Today he called me in and started to talk with me about it
- He said I should start writing things down to let out my emotion
- Well, here it is lads
- I’m going to be much more active here
- Talking about every day basically
- Today I talked a little with Janna
- But things aren’t the same
- It was awkward the entire time
- We didn’t have much to talk about either
- Anyways, I think I might try getting closer to Sarah
- A week or two ago I found out she doesn’t have a boyfriend
- So maybe I can take that spot
- We don’t know each other very well at all
- But I want to change that
- I just don’t know how
- I might also start going for Myles too
- I mean she’s pretty hot
- When she got that spray tan she was pretty ugly actually
- But I still should’ve paid more attention to her when we were in a group together
- However Myles is one of those “rich white girls”
- I don’t think many of them would be interested in me anyway
- Probably going to go for Sarah
- Get Rileigh to get some info
- She can be my wingman because they’re best friends
- We’ll see what happens
- Okay so today I saw Janna and Olivia Schneider in the hall and I went up to talk with them
- Olivia was fine with it
- Janna seemed a little overly happy
- I talked with them for a little bit
- Olivia had to leave
- I talk with Janna
- We do our normal play-fighting
- She seems happy
- She’s much more enthusiastic than when I talk with her after Spanish
- I’ve narrowed down why that is:
- 1. Because there weren’t many people around us
- 2. Because I wasn’t talking with Ethan as well
- 3. She thought it was awkward when we talked after everything we texted about and wanted to keep it the same
- 4. She likes me
- Well number 4 is obviously not true, so we’re going with the first 3
- Not sure which it is yet
- I might put it up to a test
- But why would it matter
- A few days ago, I got some advice on a reddit post
- I posted something about how to ask someone out after being rejected 12 times
- Someone commented “the trick is to not give a [expletive] about the outcome
- Someone else said “Ask yourself: why would I want to date someone that wasn’t physically attracted to me?”
- These made me feel a lot better
- I’m going to start with this stuff
- Maybe when I go for Sarah or Myles
- Okay, so I have so many friends that are willing to talk with me and help me through this
- Zachary talked to me and said “I would be really sad if you died” and I’m texting Janna right now and she’s telling me how good of a friend I’ve been to her even though I know she’s lying
- Would anyone be truly sad if I died?
- I’m sure some people would
- But they’d move on
- Just like I did
- I never have motivation to do anything, but I need some
- Today we were reading “Breaking Through” and one of the questions said “is there any time academics have taken a back seat in your life?”
- Yes, right now
- Because I’m depressed
- And may end up killing myself
- I lack interest in the stuff I used to love
- Band, choir, soccer
- All of it
- I’m too tired right now
- But it’s going to keep me up anyway so why not talk about it now?
- Why have I lost my sanity after Janna rejected me?
- Why not after Kasey, the hottest girl I know?
- Is it because I don’t think she has a chance to get a boyfriend but still rejected me anyway?
- Am I really that mean?
- This is why I feel like shit
- I completely deserve it
- Well, I told the counselor about my suicidal thoughts
- And he told my mom
- I dreaded coming home
- I didn’t tell her anything
- It seemed like she was trying to make me feel bad
- I know she wasn’t trying to
- But I can’t bring myself to say anything
- I had to tell her “I’m fine” over 100 times
- But she finally let me go
- I’m glad
- I’m relieved
- I can’t let anyone know
- So I actually ended up doing the JFast thing
- But it did so much more harm then help
- I had to go and talk to a guy so that he could see if I was in an abusive household
- Which I’m not
- I had to talk to a doctor to see what was happening
- I’m not clinically depressed, I just have depressed moods
- I’m not doing anything else with JFast
- I’m not talking to the counselor anymore
- And I finally realized something
- Relationships are the main thing bringing me down
- But relationships in college are going to be so much different than relationships in high school
- I’m much happier now
- I don’t know what it is
- Maybe just getting back into the swing of things
- Asking people out
- Getting rejected
- The good ‘ol times
- I could go for Sarah
- For Myles
- For Paige, even
- For Kristie
- For the girl that stands next to me in choir
- I don’t know her name but she’s pretty hot as well
- I have a lot of options
- And all of this has left me with one truth
- I just don’t give a fuck anymore
- Not at all
- I need to build up a friendship
- Sure, that’s the toughest part
- Not getting rejected anymore
- Just building a friendship
- And that’s only because it takes a while
- We’ll see what happens, I guess
- So I learned the name of that girl in choir is Jaynie
- Has light blonde hair
- Brown eyes
- Clear skin
- A few inches shorter than me
- She seems really nice and kinda shy
- Except she talks with Donovan a ton
- And so do I
- I might need Donovan to be my wingman
- But I’m also going for Sarah
- With Rileigh as my wingman
- Donovan doesn’t seem like the best wingman
- But I don’t really have any other options, do I?
- She probably isn’t interested
- But I really hope she is
- I’m just helplessly chasing, but she might
- Unlike Janna or Marissa or Zoey or Kaitlyn or anyone else that I’ve asked out
- So I’m talking with Sydney
- She goes to Xavier
- We both like each other
- But we have yet to tie the knot
- I talked with Jaynie as Donovan after choir today
- She’s pretty cute as well
- She complimented me
- She thought I should have made chamber singers
- I told her I was probably on the higher end and she agreed
- She’s just so hot
- I melt inside every time I see her
- Those hazel eyes
- Light blonde hair
- She is so cute
- Freckles
- All of that
- She is just so amazing
- So I’ve talked with Sydney a lot more
- She wants to take things REALLY slowly
- Well she better hurry up otherwise I might be dating Jaynie by the time she wants us to be together
- Who am I kidding?
- Someone line Jaynie is never going to be interested in someone like me
- But I do know quite a few things about her
- Birthday is June 17
- A cat-lover
- Has a mean cat that she still loves
- Usually responds with one or two words normally
- Will send snaps occasionally
- Is good friends with one brown-eyed soprano 2
- Great friends with Donovan
- Made Bella Voce
- Has taken a liking to me
- Not sure if it’s a romantic liking
- Sometimes wears glasses, sometimes doesn’t
- Her blonde hair is usually normal, straight down
- And she is just super cute
- I love talking with her
- Spending time with her
- Just thinking about her makes me melt inside
- Joint-hottest person I’ve met
- Tied with two others
- The Shanahan twins
- But she’s so caring, and likeable, and such a great person to be around
- I really hope she likes me back
- But there’s no way
- But I’m surely going to try anyway
- So Jaynie doesn’t start conversations with me
- And she didn’t say goodnight last time I texted her it
- So she probably doesn’t like me
- Like I figured
- But like now I’m a little worried
- I’ve been having thoughts at LEAST 4 months ago
- That Janna doesn’t seem like she’ll get a boyfriend any time during high school
- She turned me down
- Probably the only guy she talks with that’s not a freshman
- While I understand she could go out with a freshman
- The freshmen she talks to are kind of awkward, and shorter than her
- If that’s what she wants, go her
- But even people like Henry thought we’d be a cute couple
- And we really would’ve been
- But it’s not to be
- And I swear she may come crawling back
- But am I really going to accept her if she does?
- Would that be ultimate desperation for both of us?
- It would be for her
- But idk for me
- Still, it really would depend
- If I already have a girlfriend
- If she’s only saying that because of something I’ve done
- If she means it
- If she really truly wants to be with me and isn’t doing it out of pity
- Because I need to figure out all of that before I make my choice
- But I really doubt she will come crawling back, even IF she can’t find a boyfriend
- I don’t know
- I just kinda wanted to rant
- I’m not really mad
- I just kinda needed to let stuff out
- So apparently we were setting something up for me and Sydney to meet
- Until she basically just said “wait no”
- And that hit me hard
- Especially because the reason I turned back to Spotafriend was because of Janna doing that EXACT SAME THING
- And I just couldn’t take it
- I doubt she even wants to get to know me
- I guess I don’t really care anymore
- I’m just meant to be alone
- Maybe my time in college will come
- But as of right now, nope
- I already know what it’s like getting to know people and asking them out
- So I’ll just remember that and go into college like that
- And now me and Sydney are talking like nothing happened
- Which I guess I’m fine with
- So me and Sydney met
- And it was great
- We really liked each other
- And then tonight
- She says it’s not working anymore
- We “break up”
- And honestly
- It’s not such a bad thing
- I don’t need a girl to survive
- Plus college relationships are going to be so much different
- I’m glad about what I learned
- And we’re still friends
- But idk if I can talk to her the same again
- Maybe we’re both just tired
- But I really think it’s over between us
- And that’s all I have to say
- There goes lucky number 13
- I kinda wish we were still together
- But now I know a girlfriend is something I don’t need
- And that’s what I’m glad about
- So we got back together after that
- And then she did basically he same thing to me (like above)
- She won’t tell me anything I did wrong
- So I’m asking her friend Elizabeth
- And Elizabeth is telling me some things
- But not everything
- So at least I’m learning what I can do about my shitty personality
- Also I’m getting into cutting myself
- It’s a small thing
- Something that I’ve stopped
- Something that I can stop
- But idk
- It might flare up again
- Not sure
- So I said something about fat girls and how I didn’t like them
- So never say anything about that
- Elizabeth says I’m probably not the best at expressing that I’m not a terrible person
- She told me to be the person I am when I’m the happiest
- Which is when I’m with Sydney
- And that’s obviously not happening
- She told me it’s something I need to figure out for myself
- But I don’t know how to figure it out
- Okay okay okay
- Me and Sydney had a conversation
- And I felt much better afterwards
- She told me why she lost feelings for me
- Because of a lot of things that were lies
- And we were at each other’s throats
- But I said something I really meant
- And she thought I was lying
- So I realized that she doesn’t trust me
- And that the truths I told were lies
- So I’m glad she broke up with me
- I’m much better now
- So we were becoming friends again
- And last night she said she like likes me but doesn’t want to get back together
- Which was fine
- But I ended up doing a few things
- One, I got upset, I don’t even remember why
- Next, I took a knife and cut myself
- And I also apparently hurt her because she made me depressed
- And now I’m all fine and peachy
- She wants to be left alone
- And I’m fine with that
- If I don’t need to talk to that [expletive], then that’s a win in my book
- So we’re going to keep this story going
- I don’t want to lose it so I’m going to save it somewhere
- I guess we’ll see where this next relationship takes us
- But I really hope that I don’t have to deal with everything I went through
- Sydney impacted me in more ways than I could’ve imagined
- Some good, some bad
- But now that chapter is over
- And I’m starting a new one
- Let’s see what happens
- So today I hinted at us dating again
- And she wasn’t as opposed to it as she was before!
- I’d want to date her again, but won’t it just end the same as before?
- I’m willing to try
- If it doesn’t work out, whatever
- I’ll move on
- I promise
- She hasn’t even said yes to it though
- I guess we’ll find out tomorrow
- Well I decided not to address it, as it wasn’t important
- Well not extremely important
- I talked with her
- Told her to call me back because she had to go
- She never did
- I tried calling her 5 different times
- Never picked up
- And to top it all off, I was unadded on Snapchat because her friend didn’t like me
- First of all, she should’ve told her friends good things about me, because that’s the reason her friends hate me
- Second, I told my friends tons of good things about her
- I’m really wishing I didn’t now, because shit went down last night
- I was talking with one of her friends (who claims she doesn’t hate me, but I’m pretty sure she does)
- And she started going off on me about making Sydney’s friend seem like the bad guy
- What
- The
- [expletive]
- Her friend LITERALLY stole Sydney’s phone
- Unadded me because she thought I was a bad person when she doesn’t even KNOW me
- And now I’M the bad guy for bringing it up?
- I was done
- I said stuff to calm down the friend
- And then I asked what I should do
- She said “stop talking to Sydney”
- And so I did
- I told her thanks for everything she’s taught me
- And I ended it with “and, for probably the last time ever, goodnight.”
- And that was the end of it
- We haven’t talked since
- Only time will tell whether we’ll each move on or one of us will come crawling back
- And time did tell
- She came crawling back
- However it wasn’t to get back together
- Two days ago we started talking
- She got mad at me
- I got mad at her
- We talked the next day
- She got mad at me
- I got mad at her
- Today, she was telling me a story
- About how her youth group leader hates me now
- Because her friend exaggerated details about me
- Keep in mind she’s never told any of her friends anything good about me
- And this friend I’m talking about has never met me
- So I got mad
- But I didn’t let her know that
- She asked “do you still want to talk to me?”
- And I said “well, I don’t know”
- She asked “what do you mean?”
- I said “I need a few days, a break, to gather my thoughts”
- And she said “okay. Bye.”
- I thought “well, that was sudden. Glad to know how much you actually care about talking to me.”
- Burn i didn’t say that
- All I said was “bye.”
- Am I going to message her back?
- I don’t know
- But I’m trapped in this circle
- If I talk to her her friends are just going to get mad at her
- Because of what SHE did
- And no matter how much I dislike how she handled our entire relationship
- I can’t wish that upon her
- I’ve been told I’m too nice
- I don’t like hurting people unless they’ve messed with me
- And while she has, I still see some good in her
- I don’t know what it is
- But somewhere
- Somehow
- I see some good in her
- And if I’m being honest
- She broke up with me
- But that makes me feel much better
- Because I can’t deal with another relationship like that
- It usually takes me a few days to get over a breakup
- But if I see signs of this happening again
- ESPECIALLY if she doesn’t tell her friends anything good about me
- I’m going to break it off
- I don’t care how bad it is
- I will break it off
- With this, I have made myself a promise
- If I break this promise, no punishment will be served
- Because going through this Hell again will be punishment enough and THEN some
- I’m not going to call her until AT LEAST 3 days have passed
- And if I’m being honest, I may never call her again
- I’m stuck reminiscing at what could’ve been
- If she had just handled it better
- And while I definitely have to take the blame for a lot of stuff
- Had she not done those things, I wouldn’t be dealing with this
- I have low self-esteem
- I’ve always had it
- And I always have voices in my head that tell me that I can’t do it
- That I’m not strong enough
- That I’ll never amount to anything
- But even they won’t dare to go and say “you deserve this”
- Because I know for a fact
- I don’t
- She doesn’t either
- But it’s her fault that I’m in this mess
- And she’s just living her life
- So I need to show that I’m much better off without her
- I better start working out my arms
- As a soccer player, my legs are already pretty muscular
- And girls love guys that look strong
- So he can protect them
- So that’s what I’m going to do
- So let’s get to it
- And about Sydney
- Her friend Jackie deleted my number from Sydney’s phone
- And blocked me on Sydney’s Snapchat
- And I’m concerned
- For Sydney
- Is Jackie trying to control her?
- I heard Jackie is overprotective
- And Sydney is fond of her
- But she:
- 1. Exaggerated every tiny detail about me to the point where it seems like I’m a creepy perverted rapist
- 2. Literally does stuff to Sydney’s phone when SHE HASN’T EVEN MET ME
- 3. Sydney even AGREES with some of the stuff she says about me
- I think I’ve decided
- I’m not calling her back for a looooooooooooooong time
- And if I call her
- It’s going to be about that
- I don’t care how mad she gets
- If she stops talking to me after that it’ll actually be a good thing
- Because she caused all of this
- I can’t believe it
- I thought she liked me
- I really thought she did
- Either she’s literally stupid, or she doesn’t care
- And that’s what I’ve narrowed it down to
- I don’t know which it is
- But it’s definitely one of those two
- I’m mad now
- I know I’m ranting
- But I swear, everything I just said is true
- No matter how mad I am
- I’m going to tell the truth
- There is an old saying that says “there are 3 sides to every story, yours, theirs, and the truth.”
- But you don’t get to hear theirs
- Which is why I’m committed to making this the complete truth
- So you all get a fair representation of what happened
- Maybe I’m in the wrong
- Maybe it’s my fault
- But Sydney handled the BEGINNING of our relationship terribly
- And the end
- And everything in the middle
- I’m glad we’re broken up
- I’m glad I told her I need a break
- And honestly, I’d just like to be free from all of this
- So maybe these next two years I won’t be doing anything dating-wise
- But I had someone that told me to try again
- And so I will
- I will do my best
- And I will continue on my way
- These wounds will heal
- And I will walk around unscathed
- But only time will tell
- I’ll see you then
- So I talked with her
- And blew up
- Dialogue is as follows:
- L: So why aren’t you telling them good things about me? A good girlfriend should be making all her friends want to meet me.
- S: I am
- L: Elizabeth (one of her friends) said you haven’t said anything good about me
- S: I don’t usually talk with Elizabeth
- L: How many, like 100 good things to one bad thing?
- S: Yes
- L: So then why do they hate me?
- S: Because they only remember the bad stuff
- L: I have 0 friends that if they heard 100 good things about someone and one bad thing, they would absolutely hate them. In fact, they’d probably want to be friends with them. If that’s the way that all your friends think, then I’m sorry, but you need to find new friends.
- S: ...
- L: Well, do you have anything to say?
- S: I do tell them good things
- L: Stop pulling that shit with me
- S: It’s getting late I should get to bed
- L: It’s only 8:50
- S: Why should you get to decide when I go to bed?
- L: Who said I was deciding? I’m allowed to try and influence your opinion, am I not?
- S: Goodbye Lucas
- L: Goodnight Sydney
- *call ended*
- At this point, I think she’ll come crawling back within 2 weeks, because she has before
- 15 minutes later, she texts me:
- I need to stop talking to u
- Ur right
- I literally can’t sleep it’s all my fault
- I screwed it up
- I’m stupid and I mess things up
- And I was just like “wow, okay, you didn’t want to get with me before but NOW you do? Well [expletive] you then.”
- My parents told me not to respond to her
- Because it would mess with her feelings
- Which is exactly what she did to me for over a month
- So I did
- And then the next day late at night, all I texted her was “we each need time to realize what each of us really wants”
- Then she calls me 2 days later because she had a nervous breakdown
- And she wants to play it off like nothing happened
- She said I had to talk quick because she had to go somewhere
- But I think it was just because she didn’t want me to start talking about her friends
- And that’s where we are now
- I’ll keep you guys updated
- So we talked again
- And she actually picked me up for a ride
- And we had a fun time
- And I’m feeling pretty good
- Fast forward to a few days later
- Today she told me “can you tell Noah he’s my favorite twin?”
- (I am a twin)
- I said “no”
- And she’s like “oh”
- And I’m like “that hurt”
- And she says “well you hurt me multiple times”
- I’m not having any more of that
- I say “well you manipulated my feelings for 3 months”
- And she says “well you did that to me too”
- So I say “well, I thought I was in an actual caring relationship, but sure, we’ll go with that”
- She hangs up on me
- A giant smile emerges on my face and I don’t even realize it for a few seconds
- And I text her “goodnight” on Snapchat
- She’s probably going to block me
- But I don’t care
- Idk if she’s toxic
- And I’m sure I started some of this [expletive]
- But I know I need to cut toxic people out of my life
- So maybe if she blocks me that’ll be a new beginning
- Which I might need honestly
- There’s another quote I saw
- “Falling in love wasn’t my mistake, it was falling in love with the wrong person”
- I knew before, but now it’s much clearer
- Sydney is that wrong person
- I fell in love with her
- I shouldn’t have
- How dumb am I, staying with it longer than I should’ve?
- But all of that is over now
- And I’m feeling good
- And it’s not over
- She sent me a thumbs up emoji
- So I said “sleep well”
- “Have a good night” followed by a blushing smiley face
- And she said “don’t do that”
- So I said “don’t do what”
- And she hasn’t replied
- And I doubt she will
- But I know I got to her
- I’m feeling good
- After having my feelings manipulated for 3 months
- Getting one day back at her, just one night
- Feels really good
- And with that, I’m signing off for tonight
- Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow still feeling good
- Hopefully I will
- Because, and I shouldn’t be saying this, but...
- I deserve to feel good about that
- Do you guys agree?
- Goodnight, I’ll write some more tomorrow
- So this isn’t tomorrow, but I’ll tell you what happened
- We started talking like normal again
- We’re good friends and we’re helping each other out
- And this girl named Grace found me on Instagram
- We both liked each other
- We met a few times
- And then we basically broke off the relationship
- She said something about we need to talk
- I told her I needed time to think
- She wanted to keep talking to me
- And then today
- She said “I told my friends I think I found my future husband”
- Yeah, no
- I’m a Junior in high school
- Like what the [expletive]
- And she thinks it’s completely fine to be like that
- What are the chances we go to the same college?
- What are the chances that we stay together for 6 years, 4 of them long distance?
- Nope
- Not dealing with it
- We broke it off
- And all of the friends I’ve told said I’ve made the right decision
- Now I just have to tell Sydney what happened
- Idk what she’ll think
- But we’ll see
- So I’m talking with Grace
- And all is going fine
- We’re not dating
- And nothing too big is happening
- But something happened tonight
- With Sydney
- We got in a fight
- Dialogue is as follows:
- L: I mean your friends all hate me
- S: I didn’t try to make them hate you, plus all of your friends hate me too
- L: Okay I said it once I’ll say it again, you manipulated my feelings for 3 months
- S: YOU DID THAT TO ME TOO!
- L: I wasn’t trying to though
- S: ME NEITHER
- L: Well... I don’t know...
- S: WHAT?
- L: I need to make sure you learn from this, because I don’t want anyone to go through what i has to
- S: Why do you make yourself sound so awesome?
- L: What?
- S: Just like “I did this” “I did that”
- L: I don’t get it
- S: Never mind
- L: Anyways, you intentionally manipulated my feelings.
- S: How?
- L: Well two weeks into us talking, you block me over something stupid, then unblock me a week later, then you block me AGAIN over something else stupid, then we’re fine, then we date and you break up with me, so do you see why I’m not sure you learned anything?
- S: I already know, I’m a terrible person, I hate myself for what I did
- L: YOU broke up with ME
- S: I KNOW, I hate myself already i don’t need you dragging me down more!
- L: I’m not trying to drag you down, I just need you to understand and learn from it. Nobody should have to go through what I went through. It isn’t right.
- S:...
- L: I just... don’t know anymore
- S: I have to go (her sister’s practice gets over in 25 minutes but I hear a quivering to her voice)
- I don’t say anything
- She hangs up
- And I go straight to typing this
- That’s all fresh in my head
- I’ll probably get some sleep and come to a consensus tomorrow on what to do
- I want to be friends with her
- But neither of us can move on from the past
- In this conversation she told me she moved on
- But then I think I heard her crying
- So has she really?
- Either way she broke up with me
- And I’m not taking her back
- No matter how much I like her
- Never
- Not again
- I don’t care if she does or doesn’t
- Oh my god
- My heart is racing so fast
- At Kingston Stadium
- Before my marching band performance
- Today, I saw her walking back and I tapped her on the shoulder and said “hi.” She looked at me, said “oh my god,” then proceeded to run to the bus to cry. I started talking to one of her friends. One of her friends that hates me, and he just said “you better keep walking.” I probably could’ve beat him in a fight but I didn’t want to fight anyone. I left and went up into the stands, fully knowing that she was crying and I felt good.
- I am shaking
- My heart is beating
- And I still have to march the show
- And her friends might want to beat my ass
- But I just asked the sousaphones if they would help me fight them
- And they’re on my side
- So we’re good
- So we started talking
- Good friends again
- That was all fine and dandy
- Then she sees my post on reddit
- About relationship advice
- And she gets mad
- AND she gets her best friend and her sister on my ass about it
- Her best friend said she absolutely hated me
- We had a marching band competition that night
- Sydney told me not to go up to her
- So what did I do?
- I just stood around her band
- And took a picture to show her how close I was because at that point she hated me
- Her friends started harassing me
- But then their band had to go
- So her friend didn’t get time to throw a punch at me
- He almost did
- So their band performed
- They marched off
- And as Sydney went up to the second story of the bleachers
- We made eye contact
- And then she looked away quickly
- And I felt good
- Later that night she texts me
- Saying I was stalking her
- And everything
- Anyways so I tell her the only reason I stood around your band was because I was honoring her request to not come up to her but I wanted to make sure that she’d see me one last time
- And she got mad and said she wasn’t really mad at me
- But now she is
- I got mad at that point
- I told her to talk to me her [expletive] self
- So she called me
- 3 times
- I declined each one
- 45 minutes later she calls me again
- And she said she wasn’t going to yell at me
- We each got mad at each other
- She wasn’t on board with the idea of taking a small break from each other (a week or longer)
- I ended up making her cry
- She hangs up
- I text her the idea of the break
- And say goodnight
- And we haven’t talked since
- And I’m also going for Olivia in my choir
- She’s really cute
- And she laughs at a lot of things I say
- I hope it works
- I doubt it will though with my luck
- But we’ll see
- There’s a senior named Katelynn in my AP Calc class
- She laughs at a lot of things I say and she’s really cute
- I doubt she likes me but I guess we’ll see
- Also, it was Sunday at 12:03 AM and Sydney called me
- And I answered
- She thought I was asleep
- I wasn’t
- We talked
- Went to bed
- And now we’re talking again
- She said she talked to the guidance counselor
- And the counselor said I have a spot in her heart
- And she needs to push that out and fill it with other activities
- That’s exactly what I was doing
- I just hope she doesn’t block me again
- Because if she does
- It’s probably game over
- For both of us
- I CANT keep getting caught in this cycle
- And I don’t want anyone else to either
- I do want to keep talking to her
- But she lacks the emotional maturity to stay consistent
- Well, I guess we’ll see what happens
- With either Katelynn or Sydney
- So Sydney was at all-state and I sat and talked with her
- And she didn’t want to talk to me
- So I just left
- Today, she got mad at me about posting stuff about her (anonymously and without her name)
- So I got mad at her about reading my reddit posts
- And we both got really mad at each other
- Until she said “I don’t think we can be friends, and I don’t think I want to talk to you again.”
- So I said “Please? Is that a promise? Please?”
- She didn’t respond so I said “please, block me, hang up, and never talk to me again.”
- And she hung up
- And now I’m finally done
- This might be where this crazy bitch story comes to a close
- But we shall continue on with me liking people
- Seeing what develops with them
- So, apparently Sydney decided to stalk me on reddit
- Made an account
- Commented on a 60 day old post about me complaining about problems (because that’s what the sub was for)
- Proceeds to continue saying she’s a “kid from Ohio”
- Who “got their account disabled”
- She literally made the account 15 minutes ago to comment on a 60 day old post
- Someone would’ve HAD to have been looking through someone’s posts
- My posts
- I argued with her
- She argued with me
- I got someone to mention her username (u/frieddchicken)
- And she either deleted her account or made it not public
- But she hasn’t heckled me anymore
- She lacks so much emotional maturity
- And she REALLY can’t move on
- But at least I know it’s probanly eating away at her inside
- I’m completely over her now
- And I hope I never have to deal with someone that immature ever again
- She told me she’s not going to date until college
- Which is good
- Maybe she’ll develop more maturity and not force someone into what she did to me
- Only time will tell though
- So me and Sydney talked
- And we started getting along well
- But then today, she accused me of something
- And I got mad and argued with her
- Apparently that broke her
- When she was manipulating me, she was fine but when I tried to do the same to her, it broke her
- Basically she said we shouldn’t talk, and I showed her all the memories to try and get her to stay, and she claimed that I was manipulating her into trying to get her to stay, and at that point I was basically out
- I was completely over with her in that exact moment
- And apparently even though our relationship ended in August, now in November she still not over it, when she broke up with me, and she manipulated me
- So I don’t know how that works
- But I guess I’m glad we’re not talking
- We will never talk again
- And if we do, it’ll be her saying “I want to talk to you” and me saying “screw off, [expletive], my life got so much better after you weren’t here.”
- I’ll want to break her fragile little heart
- I don’t care
- With everything that’s happened
- It’ll make me feel good
- And that’s all for now
- So I haven’t added to this for a while
- But a lot of stuff has happened
- For one starting in about February I actually ended up getting a girlfriend
- One that loves and supports me
- When me and my girlfriend were in the talking phase, my friend Rylee sat next to me on the bus and a lot of stuff happened
- She rested her head on my shoulder
- I put my arm around her
- We held hands
- And she actually fell asleep on me
- The next day came and I asked her about that night
- She said it was all fine as long as it was platonic
- Which I was fine with
- It turned out later that she had a crush on me
- But the timing was never right
- But I had a crush on her too
- And her being my best friend
- It was very interesting
- But it’s not putting anything between us
- Plus my girlfriend trusts me completely (which my ex never did) so it’s fine that we stay friends
- And I’m loyal
- I made a vow to myself
- That I will never knowingly cheat
- And now Rylee knows I have a girlfriend
- And she’s cool with that
- She loves that I found my girlfriend
- And I’m glad I found her
- Realistically, if I was dating Rylee I’m sure I’d be just as happy
- But I guess we may never know
- It’s an interesting story
- It’s the story of my love life
- And I have a sense this is only the beginning
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