Tommy Wiseau does Revision work

PLEASE INSERT A DISC TO CONTINUE.

The message on the TV flashed mockingly as Vanessa Farkhond stared back at it from her position on the carpet. She lay on her back in a dark bedroom illuminated only by the pale blue glow of her television and the similarly industrial light of her computer monitor halfway across the room. Her tail flicked in the dark, brushing up against the pizza box she had been eating from. She fumbled idly for another slice, and was disappointed to find none remained.

Today had been a dull day, and a dull day could only be followed by a boring night. Vanessa glanced at the bookshelf that contained her collection of games, hoping a title would jump out at her, but she felt as though she had already played them all to death. Beneath those were all the books she had planned to read when she had the time, and yet somehow she felt that now was not the time to begin. Her computer called her name, beckoning her with its clacky mechanical keyboard to come and type out a short story like she used to, and yet her inspiration had left her. All that remained was to lay on the floor, staring off into the  abyss of her ceiling and waiting for something to happen.

Nothing did.

Vanessa sighed heavily, cocking her leg up a bit as she felt an all too familiar bubbling in her guts. Her tail froze momentarily as she pulled her knee to her chest and let loose.

ffffffFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAMMMMPT!

What was initially a soft and airy puff quickly deepened in pitch to a smooth purring rumble that sent a pleasant vibration through her jeans. She already knew that it was going to stink (they always did) but as her tail gently whipped in the lingering cloud of stench, she caught a sniff of just how potent it was. It had a sharp, slightly cheesy smell to it, mingled in with the notably unpleasant tang of garlic. Vanessa couldn't help but feel a bit proud of herself for that one, and her happily swishing tail quickly spread the fog of funk around the room.

Vanessa checked her phone, already knowing it would be devoid of messages. The clock displayed 11:44 PM, yet it felt so much later than that. With a small huff, she knew what she had to do. If there was nothing but boredom inside, she was going to need to try going outside.She sat up slowly, feeling her spine let out a few satisfying cracks as she sat up and stretched. She lazily tossed her purple hair with a yawn, letting it fall in a sort of messy wave. It had been a while since she had brushed it, but she figured putting it off for one more day wouldn’t do any real harm. She slowly rose to her feet, stumbling a bit at first due to her legs having fallen asleep. Vanessa staggered to her closet, throwing it open and revealing the mountain of unwashed clothing she had stashed inside to avoid doing laundry. Pulling a worn out violet hoodie from the pile, she gave it a quick sniff check, before slipping it over her head. As she powered down her games and PC, Vanessa gave the room one last spritzing of perfume before she headed out the door.

PPPPRRRT-BBBBRRRRRUPT!

A quick two for one punch of gas burst from Vanessa’s ass in rapid succession, like a double tap from a rifle. The aroma of spoiled dairy and produce gone rancid filtered up through her hoodie, framing her face with a sort of stale, smelly fog. She gently waved a hand behind herself as she shut the door, leaving her fresh bomb to linger in her bedroom as she headed for the door.

Vanessa stepped outside, and had to give her eyes a moment to adjust to the natural light. Although it was nearly midnight, a full moon hung in the sky above, casting the world in its soft, pallid glow. As Vanessa began to cautiously make her way down the dimly lit streets, she kicked at a few small piles of fallen leaves that littered the sidewalks. The trees had already begun to turn their brilliant shades of crimson, gold, and orange for the autumn, as though they were burning effigies of the dying summer. The few trees that had completely shed their leaves were now almost morbid in the pale moonlight, looking like twisted claws reaching up to strangle the heavenly body itself.

As she strolled along the silent streets, Vanessa couldn’t help but realize she had no actual plans to do something interesting with the night. Sure, a moonlit walk was beautiful and all, but that was only a step up from laying on the floor of her bedroom in terms of excitement. There was always the old downtown she could visit, with its quaint little red brick plaza and concrete fountain, though given the hour it was probably deserted. Of course, the thought of avoiding all the crowds of screaming kids, bickering housewives, and businessmen loudly chatting into their phones was tempting, and she had to assume that at least something would be open this late. So Vanessa set her course, taking a left as she approached the end of the block, setting off down a path lit more by street lamps than by the moon.

The neko girl stuffed her hands in the pocket of her hoodie, just as a gust of brisk wind blew past her. The fur on her tail bristled as the sudden chill racked her body, and sent a shiver down her spine. While the night air was pleasantly cool, the winds were bitter. Goosebumps budded all across her arms, and she pulled her hood up over her head for warmth. Vanessa suddenly wished she was back home in bed, though that thought was pushed from her mind as her stomach let her know that it was brewing up another foul batch of bombs awaiting deployment.

Prt! Pmmff! ssssPLLLRCH!

A pop and a puff lead into a slow hiss before Vanessa decided to put a little more "oomph" into her release, turning a soft leak into something much more juicy. That sort of noise usually preceded a nice heavy shit, and the aroma the emission carried definitely suggested a trip to the bathroom was in order. Vanessa glanced over her shoulder and noted with a small flicker of a smile that her fart was actually visible in the chilly air, having formed a roiling little cloud of festering fumes around her curvaceous tush. It faded quickly, though the fragrance lingered on after it vanished, before another stiff breeze blew that off into the bushes.

As Vanessa exited the main road into the town square, she was pleased to see that it was almost entirely deserted. Almost, as there was still an old man selling hot chocolate to a couple that was just a bit too clingy for Vanessa's tastes. She watched them with curious brown eyes as she took a seat on one of the many stone benches that lined the courtyard, listening in on their conversation curiously.

"No, you give him our order, honey!" The woman, a petite blonde haired beauty buried beneath enough makeup to make Cleopatra blush, prodded her boyfriend with her arm, giggling sweetly.

"Okay, okay!" Her boyfriend was the epitome of hipster couture; with his black goatee, and his beanie, and his striped scarf around the neck. "We'll have a hot cocoa with extra marshmallows, whipped cream, caramel drizzle, and...”

“Fresh sea salt on the top!” The girl finished exuberantly, beaming like a Stepford wife at a comedy show.

“I got marshmallows and I got whipped cream.” The old man replied cynically as he began to fix their drink. “No caramel, no sea salt. You want that sorta stuff, try a Starbucks.”

The pair seemed disappointed as they took their cup of cocoa and a seat on the edge of the fountain in the center of the square, where they sat passing the cup back and forth, giggling softly over which one deserved the first sip more. Vanessa rolled her eyes, letting a note of disgust pass her lips as she watched the two lovebirds making kissy faces at one another.

“I know, its gross.” The old man chuckled softly as he began to pack away the bottles and bags that littered his stand. The large pot of hot chocolate was the last thing to go, and he shook it before packing it, emptying what remained into a Styrofoam cup. “Here. On the house. Consider it a gift for being less obnoxious than my last customers of the night.”

Vanessa took the cup with a word of thanks, sipping on it thoughtfully as she watched the old man trundle his cart off into the moonlight. It really was nice to have the courtyard all to herself for a change, without the hustle and bustle of the crowds that plagued it during the day. It was almost uncanny in its serenity, and yet Vanessa couldn’t help but feel at peace here. Well, she would have felt at peace had a certain couple not begun loudly making out just across the square from her. Ugh.

A part of her wanted to intervene. To speak up, To just make the two of them shut up and give her the dignity of a peaceful night out. Yet at the same time, she knew she couldn’t, or rather that she shouldn’t. It was none of her business to get involved in the affairs of others, no matter how gross or annoying they could be. Yet, as the two of them groped and fondled each other, Vanessa more and more felt that something just had to be done.

The cat girl’s ears twitched as she watched the two of them coddling one another, loudly smacking their lips as they engaged in a bout of tongue wrestling. Some people just had no sense of decency. Luckily, Vanessa had already begun to formulate a plan for getting rid of those two. All she needed was the right circumstances. As the wind began to whisper through the plaza, she saw her chance. Her tail hiked up, she gave a soft grunt, and she unleashed a little present for the happy couple.

BBBVVVVVRRRRSHT!

Deep and wet, just the way she liked it. Vanessa quickly fanned a quick handful towards herself, letting the wind take the rest of her damp, steamy gift across the court. It smelled like the aftermath of a taco Tuesday, or perhaps the outflow pipe of a sewage plant. She couldn’t help but smirk as she waited for the stiff breeze carried it over to the pair, Their snogging slacked for a moment, as both of them wrinkled their noses as the smell of fresh manure hit them like a charging bull. Vanessa could tell that there was some sort of discussion between them, and it looked like they were blaming each other for the foul stench. With a little purr, Vanessa promptly pushed out another rank burst of fumes into the wind, her tail now swishing with smug satisfaction.

PPPPPPPLLLLLORRRRRRRCH!

Vanessa bit her lip as that one rolled out like a disgusting swampy fog, visible in the cool air as it wafted over to the lovebirds. If her last fart had bothered them, this one utterly sickened them. Their coughs and gags were music to Vanessa’s ears as she watched the two of them choke on her horrific gas. She had to suppress a snicker as she watched the girl pinch her nose with a huff, as her boyfriend pleaded with her that the smell wasn’t coming from him. This was just too rich to watch, and Vanessa couldn’t help but smile as she gave her rump a slight wiggle on the bench as she prepared the bomb she was sure would send the couple fleeing.

ssssssPPPPPPPPLLLLLLAPT!

That fart was a bit more than just gas. Vanessa could feel a distinctly muddy texture splatter all over the inside of her panties, and she was sure that this particular pair was ruined after that blast. This time she didn’t need to waft the smell up to herself; it was strong enough that even the cool breeze didn’t fully disperse it. It was hot, eye watering, and above all, shitty. Vanessa felt as though she had plunged her nose into the bowl of a portable toilet after a music festival, and the heavy stench filled her lungs and burned her nostrils as she breathed it in.

The putrid, feculent stink finally reached the couple, borne on a soft autumn breeze that ought to have been cool and refreshing. It took only a split second for the girl to let out a shriek of disgust and clutch her hands over her mouth. Her boyfriend looked green in the face as the two of them rushed to a nearby set of trash cans. The sound that reached Vanessa was the crescendo in a symphony of sickened groans, and she was sure both of them had just lost their lunch. After that turn of events, they'd clearly had enough of the "fresh air" Vanessa was giving them, and rushed from the courtyard in a panic. Finally, all was calm and quiet once more.

Vanessa rose from her bench, crossing to steal the seat on the rim of the fountain that the lovers had once occupied. The odor of her farts still lingered in the air like a low hanging cloud, but that didn't bother her one bit. She glanced up at the harvest moon above her, the light dancing in the rippling waters of the fountain, and she smiled. Sure, she hadn't accomplished anything great today, but at least she had beaten her boredom, if only for this fleeting moment. She closed her eyes, listening to the soft trickling of the fountain, the rustling of the leaves, and the gentle whispers of the wind through the languid branches.

Prrrrmpt~

Vanessa smiled as she added her own note to the melody of the night, before taking a long sip of her hot chocolate.

Perhaps tonight wasn't so bad after all.