I didn't get many nights like this.

The sky above was an inky black canvas, ventilated here and there by scintillating facets of starlight. PrimaryDominating to that display, however, was the full moon light bathing the forest below in a dull moon blue. The rushing water of the creek battered away all memory of the civilizationcivilized land just fifteen miles east, instead reminding me of the vast presence of nature all around me.

Yes. This place would work just fine.

It had been just another day at the office for most- but for me, it had been the absolute worst. I'm an intern, so a lot of the work that I do is thankless. "Hey Lyra, Half caff vanilla latte, skim milk-" "-Lyra, I need you to file these reports by 5 PM-" "-Lyra, does this dress make me look fat?"

Yes. It does make you look fat, Karen.

At least that was what I wished I could force out from my lips. But as always... my words fall short. They fall to the floor like so many stars from the sky, little more than transient maybes and infinite regrets.

So I found my way out here. My favorite part of the forest- at my favorite time of the year. Faintly clawing frost sought to claim the ground beneath me, creating the pleasant crunch beneath my boots that so many people cherished. I found solace in this; in the sound of the river. In the shape of the trees, casting their silhouettes as moonlit shadows. Out here, I could escape from my life. I could breathe, which is so much more than I could even conceive of in the city.

There were reasons that I felt so ostracized of course. Really, they aren't entirely unfounded. I — well, my hair at least — is un-natural at best. The sickly pallor of my skin and the odd color of my eyes did little to help with my attempts to seem normal enough for people to think it was okay to interact with me. I'm a thin girl. Svelte to some, waifish to others. I imagine that many people thought that touching me would cause me to shatter like glass, and thus did their utmost to avoid it, while others took great joy in the fact that my fragility was more than skin deep...

Out here, amidst the haunting shadows and gentle breeze?

This is home. There’s no voices whispering behind my back. No demons to haunt me about my past. It’s that simplicity that made this place so perfect for me.

In my youth, I considered myself something of a witch. Raised in a family of Irish Traditionalists, I was brought up with the belief that I was a healer. That my presence was a panacea to those in need, and that all would accept me. My appearance was nothing more than a sign of this- along with my extremely potent aura. Grandmother had loved to remind me of that... That I would be the next head of family. But while I loved my family, and loved our teachings, that wasn't what I wanted from my life. I didn't want to grow old and be a hag who dabbled in the dark arts and beyond. I mean, has anyone ever  really seen a nymph? A selkie? An honest to goodness demon?

Certainly not me. So what reason had I to commit my life to it? The only Gods and Spirits I had seen were the natural wonders of the world. In the bark of a tree, or the howl of a hound.

Absently, my fingertips toyed with any small somethings that they could find. A twig here, blade of grass there. I was fidgeting again. This had always happened when I start losing my head. It starts with the fidgets, then moves on to shallow breathing. From there it advances to a racing heartbeat, and a cold sweat so horrendous people often wonder if I’m suffering a heart attack.

I parted ways with the family after denying my induction. There were no hard feelings. No ill will. Just me, a young girl who wanted to set out to college and live in the real world for once. For a while, everything was good. It was just as the family had said! Everyone loved me. Everyone wanted me to participate in their events. Wanted me to sing for them, play my guitar for them- both of which I am very good at by the way- and do all manner of things with them... As friends.

“Hey Lyra, we’re going out to a part at Alexa’s place! You in?” My old best friend- Jimmy- had often told me about things like this. Parties, raves, gatherings... Whatever was going on in the local scene, Jimmy knew it.  Then...

“This work is impeccable, Miss Grey. Have you considered pursuing our AP courses? I think you would be a great fit.” That was my teacher. Mr. Wolfram. He was one of the biggest influences in my academic life back then; that man always pushed me to challenge myself and improve in every way I could. Honestly, it was thanks to him that I ended up pursuing music as hard as I did. But I’m forgetting someone very important, aren’t I..?


“Lyra I... Uhm, God why is this so hard..?” I remember the moment that particular girl averted her eyes. Eyes trained hard at the ground as she scuffed her feet... I remember being enamored with that look. Those eyes as she looked up to meet mine and meekly concluded, “Would you... Go to Prom with me? As my date?” This was Patricia. My high-school sweetheart- then love of my life. It’s tradition for stupid kids to think that they had finally found ‘the one.’ I was no different.

All it took was one rumor. One lie from one mouth who swore they would never do me wrong.

“You raped me!” Patricia’s own words. We hadn’t seen eachother for two weeks prior to this... I had been out of state with my parents, I think at some crappy hotel for some thing or another. Honestly, I can’t even recall. The fact of the matter was...

The House of Cards so tenously stacked came tumbling down as though an equal amount of bricks. So many knives in my back... So much pain, emotional and physical. My life, over which I had taken such sound control, began to spiral into dark depths from which I still have not recovered. I dropped out of my college program and settled. For a crappy job at a crappy firm as a crappy intern for crappy pay with crappy benefits. Part of me thinks that it was me trying to subconsciously punish myself; as if what happened was my fault.

The Forest didn't judge me as harshly as society did. Here, I  swear that I could hear the voice of nature whispering to me that it will all be alright. In the babbling river,... I in the singing leaves of the many trees,. I in the baleful cries of the creatures of the night that called this place their home.

There was little so beautiful as the sound of a wolf howling in the dead of night under such a scene as this.

So I laid by the creek. I had no fear of this place;. T there was no reason for me to fear the beasts of the wild, when I was all but confident that my families words were true. Nature was my one true connection, and as they said when we parted ways, nature would bring me back to them.

“Though for now you leave us, you will always be one of us. Our tradition runs deep in your strong blood. It shines proudly in your silvery hair, in your porcelain skin and crimson eyes. This is your natural... Your home. Some day, when the world that does not want you becomes too much to bare- you will return to us. And when that day comes...” Here, my Grandmother had placed her hand on my shoulder.

“We will welcome you back with open arms, Lyra.

Maybe she was right.

The life that I had come to after leaving them was nothing more than a screenplay of tragedy. As it seemed that every time something beautiful came into my life; every time that I managed to find some semblance of hope. Some reason to continue? It was always snatched away. My fidgeting intensified as my breathing grew shallow... I could feel the sting of tears coming into my eyes, but I knew better than to succumb. If I surrendered, then I would break down. I would weep and wail and scream, and be reminded of just how ‘silent’ the forest truly was.

But the tears came anyway.

Loneliness had a funny way of sneaking up on someone when they had the opportunity to explore the concept and its relation to them. As those tears ran down my face, I stopped fighting. I let go. I wept. I bawled. I screamed like a petulant child until all the sounds of wonder that I had come to revel in were drowned out by instinctive fear.

I ‘m homesick. I miss my family. I miss the only people who have never truly betrayed me and I just-... No. I need to try. I need to ride this out. Cry. Cry as much as I please until this all passes and just...

...I'll take a few nights to think.And  maybe... Get some coffee on the way home.

It's as good a start as any.