A Hawai'ian Tale

"Hokay, braddah.  One long time ago, they be dis young Hawaiian braddah named Kaleo.  Kaleo was one bright eyed, bushy tail type braddah who wen have biiiig aloha fo' his Kingdom, lucky fo live in such a nice place, even wit dem ALOHA braddahs gone makin' everythin' bang bang, ya?  So Kaleo, he go join da 911, fill out da papawak, and he decide he gonna make Hawai'i safe fo' all his ohana and braddahs and sistas, He be one good coppa.

"But in Hawai'i, it ain' just da lolo braddahs who gon' be makin' trouble.  Dey get obake, too.  See wen all dese cultures, all dese traditions, da Japanee, da Portagee, da Chinee, da Filipino, da Haoles, da Hawaiians, da Koreans, dey all live togeta an' fo' make one melting pot, dey get all dese spirits and kine worship an' stuff, so dey gone put togeta one Hawaiian National Police Force Task Foarce for spirits.  Dat's one moutful, ah?  An' Kaleo, dey like him an' so dey ask him fo' sign up!  So he do!  Dey give him one layza gun, and he go help braddahs be safe from da obake, all kine obake.

"Fo' years, he go do dis, get one patna, dis Akamai kid named Jackie.  Good keiki, buggah smaht, and he fo' get one strong sense o' right and wrong, ah?  So one day they go bus' up some spirits who fo' no like da fung shui be goin' on in some braddah's hale, but Jackie, he get some inklin' dat dis ain' jus no braddah who go be bussin' up his furniture, yeah?  So wen dey go search, and search, and search, and ho, if it ain' turn out some hoa palo from Renraku go fo' hire some Shadowrunnas fo' bussup dis kane's hale fo' make da obake show up, fo' make da guy go sell his hale fo' cheap!  Whassap wit dat?

"So Kaleo an' Jackie dey go arrest da Renraku buggah, and maybe they fo gotta' shoot up a buncha his mooks and maybe he fo' gotta bussup this high maka maka's braddahs, and den dey get arrested, but uh, dose haole braddahs, dey wen made up dis ting one long time ago dey call "extraterritoriality" an' we ain' no allowed fo arrest 'em!  Whassap wit dat?!

"Jackie, he just one keiki fo' compare fo' Kaleo, so he go jump on da grenade fo' Jackie's career, and da brass, dey make Kaleo retire as fo' keep da high mukamuka off dey back and mine, ya?  Is one kapakahi situation. So he go retire,  He go move up here, but dere's only so much da braddah can fo do, ah?  Menehune are li dwarves, and dwarves go live one loooooooong time, longer den retirement funds, and he wen get Retired quick, too.  But Kaleo no can get one job being one police officer, nobody go take him.  So instead, maybe he be on da odda side?  Maybe he be one criminal, fo' good kine, do, not fo bad braddahs.

"Okay, Keahi storytime ova.  You like one spam musubi, cuz?  Wen make lots fo grind, get one kanak attack."