FF6 Script Edits: SOUTH FIGARO ---> RETURNERS' HIDEOUT

PART 2A: SOUTH FIGARO
"You’ll find lots of excellent weapons, armor and relics in our shops."
-Oxford comma?:
"You’ll find lots of excellent weapons, armor, and relics in our shops."

"Beyond Mt. Kolts you’ll find the Saber mountain range."
-The GBA version calls this the "Sabre Mountains". Not a big deal, but there's also an item called a "Soul Sabre". You should only use one spelling of the word if you're going to use it at all. Personally, I would go with "Sabre" for both, along with a slight rewording:
"Beyond Mt. Kolts, you’ll find the Sabre Mountains."

"The Empire attacked Figaro Castle?! Now we’ll all be drawn into the battle!"
-The SNES changes this from Figaro standing up to the Empire, to the Empire attacking Figaro. The guy blames Figaro for basically dooming Figaro's people. Recommend a revert to the GBA line:
"Figaro Castle stood up to the Empire? Great, now we'll all be drawn into this!"

"Duncan’s students have no peers!"
-Total mistranslation. The original references the fact that Edgar is Sabin's twin brother:
"You look just like that student of Duncan's."

"Duncan made his son, Vargas, practice a strict martial arts lifestyle. Vargas resented it."
-TOTALLY wrong. Vargas really, really wants to be Duncan’s martial arts successor, enough to attack his fellow student as we soon learn. The GBA version fixes this. HOWEVER, one could argue that Woolsey's interpretation adds an extra layer to Vargas and Duncan's characters. That Duncan is not the man Sabin knows, and Vargas was a product of his abusive upbringing. I'll come back to this later. Suggestion:
"Duncan made his son, Vargas, practice a strict martial arts lifestyle. Vargas resented it. Duncan's always grumbling about the kid's lack of progress…"

"He owes allegiance to no one, and will do anything for money. He comes and goes like the wind…"
-Not the best intro to Shadow's character. The Japanese highlights his mysterious identity, and how he's a master assassin. Plus, saying that he'll do anything for money makes him sound like a bum. Slattery kept Woolsey's "wind" line but fixed everything else. I've edited it so it will fit better with the limitations:
"He comes and goes like the wind, swearing allegiance to no one. His wintry gaze hides a face known to none who live…"

"Edgar: That’s Shadow…! He’d slit his mama’s throat for a nickel!"
-Oh boy, here we go.  Part of me doesn't want to touch this line, but I'm not gonna pretend it doesn't have issues either. Nickels (as currency) don't exist in FF6, but if we change it to "for a Gil" it's not as catchy. Edgar isn't the type of person who'd say "mama", but again: that's not as catchy. It's your call, but either way, the line is also missing a detail about Shadow being an assassin. If it was up to me...here's how I would reword it:
"Edgar: That's Shadow…! He's an assassin. I hear he'd slit his mother's throat for a Gil!"

"Outta the way! I gotta get this rum over to the old man! That’s my job! Now scram!"
-I know why you changed this, since it's technically censorship, but the old line of "cider" is a memorable change that even Slattery kept. For a "Woolsey Uncensored" patch, reverting from "Rum" to "Cider" would raise a few eyebrows for sure, but that's just my preference. The GBA version also has the man making a sarcastic comment implying the party members don't have jobs, which is funny. Suggestion:
"Outta the way! I gotta get this cider over to the old man! 'Cause, see, some of us have jobs! Now scram!"

"My Dad’s VERY important! Why, not so long ago he even dined with General Leo…Uh, I, uh, just made that up!"
-Slattery's version is better written to be more like how a child would speak and try to hide a secret, plus it makes a joke about General Leo:
"My Dad’s super-important, so important people come over for dinner all the time! Even General Le- I mean, um…general-ly…Uh, I forgot what I was gonna say!"

"Oh, uh, sorry… Even a millionaire can be… startled."
-Today, being a millionaire isn't all that special. You could change it to "billionaire", OR..."gillionaire"! That's a Woolseyism, with the added benefit of tying in with other FF abilities called "Gillionaire":
"Oh, uh, sorry… Even a gillionaire can be… startled."

"Vargas: Hmph! It doesn’t matter who you are. I will not surrender. How unlucky it is that you have run into me…!"
-A good attempt at fixing the original, but that last line could be tightened up. The GBA version does it nicely. Suggestion:
"Vargas: Hmph! It doesn’t matter who you are. I will not surrender. Woe is the day you met me…It'll be the last day of your lives!"

"Enough! Off with ya now!"
-A little out-of-character for Vargas to say it like this. Suggestion:
"Enough! Off to the next world with you!"

"Sabin: Vargas, why’d you do it? How could you do your own father in like that?!
Vargas: Fool! He made the mistake of choosing you as his successor! He snubbed me, his only son!
Sabin: No! You were the one he chose!
Vargas: You’re a liar!
Sabin: Our Master wanted you to be his successor, not me. He appreciated your fine spirit……
Vargas: Enough of your lies! Now, have a taste of my superior technique!"
-It starts with another instance of censorship, trying to avoid references to killing or dying. It also doesn't name Master Duncan specifically, which is important info if the player didn't know that already. Duncan is the "fool" here, not Sabin. There's also a missing detail about Vargas "seeing the truth on Sabin's face". Also, to tie it into our previous suggestion about Vargas's character we can rewrite it in a way resembling the Sky Render translation. Suggestion:
"Sabin: Why, Vargas? How could you kill Master Duncan like that?! Your own father?!
Vargas: Because…After all that fool put me through, he snubbed me, his only son! He chose you as his successor!
Sabin: That's not true! Our Master…
Vargas: You KNOW it to be true! I can see it in your eyes!
Sabin: He wanted you to be his successor, not me! Despite everything, he knew your potential…
Vargas: Enough of your lies! I've got far more than just potential! Now, have a taste of my superior technique!"

"Phew…I tire of this!"
-Slattery's script adds a taunt to Sabin about joining his dead master, and I think it's worth keeping. Also not a fan of Vargas sounding winded at the start here. He's not LITERALLY tired. Suggestion:
"I tire of this! Prepare to join your beloved master!"

"Terra: You’re his…brother? At first glance I thought he was some bodybuilding bear who had strayed from his gym…
Sabin: Bodybuilding bear?!
Sabin: I’ll…take that as a compliment…"
-Okay so...First, Terra refers to Sabin in first-person then switches to third-person midway through. Second, saying that he's a bodybuilding bear kinda implies a different kind of "bear" if you know what I mean. And finally, Terra saying that he's a bear is supposed to reference the bears Vargas was using earlier in his battle. I like both details, but I think your way of combining them is a bit sloppy. Suggestion:
"Terra: His…brother? At first glance, I thought he was either some bodybuilder who'd strayed from his gym or another one of Vargas's bears…
Sabin: Bodybuilder? Bear?!
Sabin: I’ll…take that as a compliment…"

PART 2B: RETURNERS' HIDEOUT
"Banon: Is she the girl who can talk to Espers…?!
Terra: Espers…?
Edgar: Seemed the Empire had complete control over her."
-Incorrect. She and the Esper didn't communicate with each other, they reacted. Suggestion, with a bit of rewording:
"Banon: Is this the girl who reacted with the Esper…?
Terra: Esper…?
Edgar: Seems the Empire had complete control over her."

"Locke: Someone important to me was killed by the Empire. I’ve hated the Empire ever since…"
-Woah woah woah. WOAH. That's a bit too direct. We're not supposed to know that Rachel is dead yet. That revelation comes later. There's meant to be a little hope for this mysterious person until we find that there's nothing we can do. It's also somewhat redundant to say "Empire" again so soon. The GBA line fixes both these issues. Suggestion:
"Locke: The Empire stole someone important from me. I’ve hated it ever since…"

"Banon: The person who possesses this relic need not fear harm.
Banon: Please, Terra…I’d like you to take it with you."
-This line replaces the original and makes the Gauntlet sound more special than it actually is. It's also redundant, as Banon later calls it a lucky charm anyway. Suggest changing it to the GBA version, which also has a character moment for Terra:
"Banon: The uncertainty you feel is only natural.
Banon: Terra…I’d like you to have this."

"Banon: Who did this? Who left this piece of paper here?"
-This line was touched up to be a little quirkier in the GBA version:
"Banon: Who left this here? Don't you people know what a wastebasket looks like?"

"Locke: My grandma used to tell me bedtime stories about magical machines… Could they have been true?
Edgar: Could that ancient tragedy be playing out once again…
Banon: It’s just speculation…But historical studies have provided a number of conflicting and frightening theories…According to one theory, humans and machines were imbued with powers drained from Espers…
Terra: That could explain what Magitek power is…
Edgar: So the only way to fight the Empire is fighting with Magitek ourselves…
Banon: No! That’s how the War of the Magi is said to have started!"
Edgar: Then what do we do?"
-Despite both the GBA and SNES versions using this exchange, this is actually COMPLETELY different from the Japanese. The original backstory says that only humans had magic during the War of the Magi. Machines, and Magitek, are a new invention under the Empire, something the world has never seen before. That's the whole point of the intro narration. Powers drained from Espers resulted in magic, and that's what the War of the Magi was fought with, NOT Magitek. The translations get this wrong because of the whole "mahou" and "madou" issue. Banon's plan about using an Esper is also removed. I've given this scene a lot of thought and it's possible that it could use more research, but...suggestion:
"Locke: My grandma's bedtime stories… Could they have been true?
Edgar: Could that ancient tragedy be playing out once again…?
Banon: It’s just speculation…But historical studies have provided a number of conflicting and frightening theories…According to one theory, humans were imbued with powers drained from Espers…
Terra: So that's what magic power is…
Edgar: So the only way to fight the Empire is to fight with magic…
Banon: No! That would only cause another War of the Magi!
Edgar: Then what do we do?
Banon: Perhaps we could have a chat with an Esper…
Edgar: …With an Esper!?"

"Banon: It’s risky, but if we have Terra…speak with that Esper, it might just wake up…"
-Misuse of ellipses, and as stated earlier, Terra reacts, not speaks:
"Banon: It’s risky, but…if we have Terra react with that Esper, it might just wake up…

"Banon: What’re we going to do?
Edgar: We’ll escape down the Lete River, and make our way to Narshe. I want to see that Esper for myself…"
-Mistranslated name. It's the Lethe River, a reference to the River Lethe from Greek mythology. Recommend changing all instances of "Lete" to "Lethe":
"Banon: What’re WE going to do?
Edgar: We’ll escape down the Lethe River, and make our way to Narshe. I want to see that Esper for myself…"

"Give our regards to Banon."
-This line is properly translated, but it doesn't make sense in this context. Banon is already there in the party. The GBA version fixes it. Suggestion:
"Please protect Sir Banon!"