Lowel The Dick Sucker, Sucker of Dicks is a name and title that, while shrouded in mystery to the common folk of Azeroth, is well known amongst the Elite.

Lowel’s dick sucking skills have saved Azeroth on countless occasions and to be honest, none of us would be alive without him. Lowel, however, does not want fame and fortune, claiming that it is simply his duty. So the leaders of Azeroth keep his activities a secret from the world.

Lowel’s life before death is unknown to all, however he was probably really good at sucking dick.

Lowel’s first contribution to Azeroth was during The War of the Ancients. After sucking a dick REALLY good, Lowel caused a Rift in time that sucked him back in time. The rift was eventually discovered by Rhonin and all those fags who proceeded to take it and retcon the fuck out of The War of the Ancients. Krasus, at first apprehensive to let Lowel help, was persuaded quickly by a quickie when no one was looking. When Broxigar was about to leap into the Portal Sargeras was coming out of, Lowel sucked his dick, giving him the immense power and bloodlust required to do some damage. That fucking wooden axe got all the credit though.

After the War of the Ancients, but technically before the rift was made, Lowel died as a human and was reborn as a Scourge Agent. He immediately sucked Arthas’ dick. He sucked his dick so good that he became the personal boner fluffer for Arthas.  After gaining freedom from Arthas during Sylvanas’ betrayal, Lowel became a champion of the Forsaken. He sucked a few dreadlord dicks so well that they just straight fucking died. Then he sucked that one human’s dick that I can’t fucking remember.

After sucking Thrall’s dick to get the Forsaken accepted into the horde, Lowel used his mouth as a weapon of the horde. He was unstopabble, not even the Might of the Firelord Ragaros could stand up to his dick sucking, offering to return to his own plane and even give up his cool looking hammer for just one second of getting his dick wet. Ironic, because it was made out of fire.

After hearing of this amazing display of cum guzzling, Onyxia killed herself because she knew she would never be able to experience the glory of getting her nonexistent dick sucked by Lowel.
C’thun, in his weakened state, was easily dispatched by Lowel’s +50 Stamina dick sucking tongue. While he may not have had a proper dick, he had a lot of sensitive tentacles. It was pretty fucked up; you can find it on Youtube.

Kel’Thuzad. Arch Lich of the Scourge Army, fell before Lowel after a good licking of his “Phallactery” But some faggot stole it so Blizzard could remake it later.

As the portal to Outland opened, Lowel found himself once more called to duty as new threats arose. Magtheridon, though sporting a ten yard spiked dick, spilled his Fel Tainted Juices all over Lowel’s face quite easily, further empowering The Champion’s Mouth.

Like Onyxia, Lady Vashj killed herself.

Kael’thas’ horde of ledgendary weapons and that one fucking faggot mage that keeps fucking disorientating me when I’m doing A’lar runs were no match for Lowel’s own “Disorientating Suck”

At the apex of Pleasure, Illidan shot himself in the head, wishing only to die at the best moment of his life.

After Illidan, Lowel set his sights on Kil’Jaeden, who got his dick sucked SO hard that his portal just fucking collapsed and he paid Lowel in the form of that necklace he left behind. Lowel carries it around his neck to this day. Yes that is IC you have to fucking deal with it. If I fucking walk down Silvermoon city you better get the fuck out of the way or Lowel’s Bling Bling will crush you. If you don’t it is god modding and fuck you.

During the Northrend Campaign, Lowel suckled his way through the Lich King’s top soldiers, ending with a good old fashioned sucking of “Frostmorne” After sucking “Frostmorne” so hard that it shattered, The Lich King was Defeated. Lowel was totally going to take the Helmet, but it was kinda hard to suck dick with it on so he gave it to some burnt up corpse and left.

As the Cataclysm rocked Azeroth, Lowel unhinged his Jaw  and trained his gag reflex for his greatest challenge yet. Deathwing.

After years of training he was ready. After Thrall shot him down. Lowel began his unholy work. It was the most disgusting yet beautiful thing anyone had ever seen. Nozdormu rewound it a few times just to make sure everyone saw. Ysera even opened her eyes to get a better look. After the deed was done,
Deathwing had a “Cataclysmic” orgasm and died of a heart attack.

But Lowel was not done. His lust for dick became insatiable and his power unmeasureable. Caught in a Dick Sucking Frenzy, or Dicklust as the orcs would call it. Lowel sucked the dick of every aspect and even made temporary dicks for The Life Binder and The Dreamer. One by one he sucked their powers from them, not that they complained though. It felt pretty good. Finally stopping before Thrall, Lowel had absorbed all of the Dragon Aspect’s powers.  Thus began The Age of Mortals. Ironic, because the public story sure sucked Thrall’s dick a lot.

As the Mists of Pandaria lifted, Lowel began learning the delicate arts of the Monk, in order to become the world’s first Jizzweaver. An arduous task that was made more fun by sucking his trainer’s dicks. Some might find this disgusting because Pandas are fat as fuck, but Lowel was  quoted as saying “I like having something to rest my head on.”
(Everything from this point on is newly written as of 2018 and likely not spellchecked because I'm lazy.)
And yet, despite this, it seemed for the first time the denizens of Azeroth were on their own. As the Horde and Alliance fought their war in  the middle of a peaceful country he was silent. As the Sha returned, he was silent. Even as Lei Shen, The Tyrannical Thunder King, capable of felling even Titan Keepers threatened the world, Lowel did not come to it's aid. For to him, these threats, these quarrels, were not worth his time.
He had ascended to a new plane. His training with the monks had given him complete control over his newfound Dragon Aspect powers, sending his Mouth Polishing skills to new, unbelieveable heights. To call him anthing but a god was an insult. And to call upon a God for such trivial matters? Blasphemy.
Yet when word came out that Garrosh Hellscream had been dabbling with The Old Gods,and a rebellion was being launched Lowel reluctantly agreed to help.
It was a massacre. A sexy massacre. Garrosh's forces were prepared for spell and sword but not for mouth and tongue! Lowel merely breathed in their general direction and drained bodies collapsed into pools of white. The female soldiers were either shocked into submission or ran into their own swords out of jealousy and depression, knowing they could never experience such a feeling. Not a single soldier in the assult ever got their dick wet with anything but their own discharge. Lowel did not feel physical contact was needed. They were not worth it.
It was outside Garrosh's throne room that things took a turn for the worse. Thought to have been previously defeated, the Sha of Pride reformed and began to taunt The Dicksucker.
Sha were known to leak white
It took only a wiggle of Lowel's tongue, a teasing look into his mouth, and far more white was leaked than any Sha before it.
But it did not fall.
A breath then, directly on the monstrosty's pole.
It did not fall.
A formidable foe.  One Lick.
It did not fall.
Something was wrong. Each time Lowel made the creature spew forth, it would dissapte. Then immediately reappear stronger than before. It made no sense! He was Lowel! HE WAS THE DICKSUCKER! COUNTLESS HAD FALLEN BEFORE HIS MOUTH! THE DESTROYER! THE LICH KING! THE ENTIRETY OF MOON GUARD'S GOLDSHIRE INN! THIS...THIS INSIGNIFIGANT GNAT WAS NOTHING BEFORE HIM! NOTHING!
And yet, It did not fall.
That was when it hit him. The teachings of the Monestary. He vaguely remembered his masters saying something about humility and charity between their violent orgasms.
The Sha was feeding on his pride. He had saved the world countless times. His skills were unmatched. He was quite possibly the most important being in the entire universe.
He didn't need to be such a dick about it though.
He was so busy sucking his own dick, he forgot to suck other's. He forgot the meaning of sucking dick: To give someone a pretty great time. He flashed back to a memory of his old self; sucking dick in an alleyway not for drugs, food, or a place to stay. Because he wanted to make people happy.
With this newfound sense of self, defeating-
No, pleasuring. Pleasuring the Sha was effortless.
Soon after, he entered Garrosh's throne room. High and Mighty, Garrosh began to speak only to be cut off by his own girlish moans of pleasure. There was no fanfare, no posturing. Only the most mind blowing thirty seconds of Garrosh's life.
No longer backed up and grumpy, Garrosh immediately gave up, gave the title of warchief to Vol'jin to apologize for trying to kill him, and allowed his arrest by the combined forces of Azeroth.


((I'll update sooner or later with more of the TRUE history))