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Creepy Alien

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Oct 13th, 2019
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  1. Creepy Alien
  2. A Screenplay by nut man
  3. EXT. THE EDEN PROJECT, CORNWALL - AFTERNOON
  4.  
  5. Understanding scout PROF TRISTAN THORNTON is arguing with clever police officer DR MICHELLE THORNTON. TRISTAN tries to hug MICHELLE but she shakes him off.
  6.  
  7. TRISTAN
  8. Please Michelle, don't leave me.
  9. MICHELLE
  10. I'm sorry Tristan, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
  11. TRISTAN
  12. I am such a person!
  13. MICHELLE frowns.
  14.  
  15. MICHELLE
  16. I'm sorry, Tristan. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
  17. MICHELLE leaves.
  18.  
  19. TRISTAN sits down, looking defeated.
  20.  
  21. Moments later, gracious hairdresser PROF RICHARD GREENWAY barges in looking flustered.
  22.  
  23. TRISTAN
  24. Goodness, Richard! Is everything okay?
  25. RICHARD
  26. I'm afraid not.
  27. TRISTAN
  28. What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
  29. RICHARD
  30. It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien devour a bunch of swimmers!
  31. TRISTAN
  32. Defenseless swimmers?
  33. RICHARD
  34. Yes, defenseless swimmers!
  35. TRISTAN
  36. Bloomin' heck, Richard! We've got to do something.
  37. RICHARD
  38. I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
  39. TRISTAN
  40. You can start by telling me where this happened.
  41. RICHARD
  42. I was...
  43. RICHARD fans himself and begins to wheeze.
  44.  
  45. TRISTAN
  46. Focus Richard, focus! Where did it happen?
  47. RICHARD
  48. Tower Bridge, London! That's right - Tower Bridge, London!
  49. TRISTAN springs up and begins to run.
  50.  
  51.  
  52. EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
  53.  
  54. TRISTAN rushes along the street, followed by RICHARD. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
  55.  
  56.  
  57. EXT. TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
  58.  
  59. KIMBERLY SWEET a creepy alien terrorises two swimmers.
  60.  
  61. TRISTAN, closely followed by RICHARD, rushes towards KIMBERLY, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
  62.  
  63. RICHARD
  64. What is is? What's the matter?
  65. TRISTAN
  66. That's not just any old alien, that's Kimberly Sweet!
  67. RICHARD
  68. Who's Kimberly Sweet?
  69. TRISTAN
  70. Who's Kimberly Sweet? Who's Kimberly Sweet? Only the most creepy alien in the universe!
  71. RICHARD
  72. Blinkin' knickers, Tristan! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most creepy alien in the universe!
  73. TRISTAN
  74. You can say that again.
  75. RICHARD
  76. Blinkin' knickers, Tristan! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most creepy alien in the universe!
  77. TRISTAN
  78. I'm going to need candlesticks, lots of candlesticks.
  79. Kimberly turns and sees Tristan and Richard. She grins an evil grin.
  80.  
  81. KIMBERLY
  82. Tristan Thornton, we meet again.
  83. RICHARD
  84. You've met?
  85. TRISTAN
  86. Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
  87.  
  88. EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
  89.  
  90. A young TRISTAN is sitting in a park listening to some flute music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
  91.  
  92. He looks up and sees KIMBERLY. He takes off his headphones.
  93.  
  94. KIMBERLY
  95. Would you like some toffees?
  96. TRISTAN's eyes light up, but then he studies KIMBERLY more closely, and looks uneasy.
  97.  
  98. TRISTAN
  99. I don't know, you look kind of creepy.
  100. KIMBERLY
  101. Me? No. I'm not creepy. I'm the least creepy alien in the world.
  102. TRISTAN
  103. Wait, you're a alien?
  104. TRISTAN runs away, screaming.
  105.  
  106.  
  107. EXT. TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
  108.  
  109. KIMBERLY
  110. You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
  111. RICHARD
  112. (To TRISTAN) You ran away?
  113. TRISTAN
  114. (To RICHARD) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
  115. TRISTAN turns to KIMBERLY.
  116.  
  117. TRISTAN
  118. I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
  119. TRISTAN runs away.
  120.  
  121. He turns back and shouts.
  122.  
  123. TRISTAN
  124. I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with candlesticks.
  125. KIMBERLY
  126. I'm not scared of you.
  127. TRISTAN
  128. You should be.
  129.  
  130. EXT. CENTRAL PARK, NEW YORK - LATER THAT DAY
  131.  
  132. TRISTAN and RICHARD walk around searching for something.
  133.  
  134. TRISTAN
  135. I feel sure I left my candlesticks somewhere around here.
  136. RICHARD
  137. Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly candlesticks.
  138. TRISTAN
  139. You know nothing Richard Greenway.
  140. RICHARD
  141. We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
  142. Suddenly, KIMBERLY appears, holding a pair of candlesticks.
  143.  
  144. KIMBERLY
  145. Looking for something?
  146. RICHARD
  147. Crikey, Tristan, she's got your candlesticks.
  148. TRISTAN
  149. Tell me something I don't already know!
  150. RICHARD
  151. The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
  152. TRISTAN
  153. I know that already!
  154. RICHARD
  155. I still wear nappies.
  156. KIMBERLY
  157. (appalled) Dude!
  158. While KIMBERLY is looking at RICHARD with disgust, TRISTAN lunges forward and grabs his deadly candlesticks. He wields them, triumphantly.
  159.  
  160. TRISTAN
  161. Prepare to die, you creepy aubergine!
  162. KIMBERLY
  163. No please! All I did was devour a bunch of swimmers!
  164. MICHELLE enters, unseen by any of the others.
  165.  
  166. TRISTAN
  167. I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Tristan Thornton defender of innocent swimmers.
  168. KIMBERLY
  169. Don't hurt me! Please!
  170. TRISTAN
  171. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these candlesticks on you right away!
  172. KIMBERLY
  173. Because Tristan, I am your mother.
  174. TRISTAN looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
  175.  
  176. TRISTAN
  177. No you're not!
  178. KIMBERLY
  179. Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
  180. KIMBERLY tries to grab the candlesticks but TRISTAN dodges out of the way.
  181.  
  182. TRISTAN
  183. Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
  184. Unexpectedly, KIMBERLY slumps to the ground.
  185.  
  186. RICHARD
  187. Did she just faint?
  188. TRISTAN
  189. I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly candlesticks.
  190. TRISTAN crouches over KIMBERLY's body.
  191.  
  192. RICHARD
  193. Be careful, Tristan. It could be a trick.
  194. TRISTAN
  195. No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Kimberly Sweet is dead!
  196. TRISTAN
  197. What?
  198. TRISTAN
  199. Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
  200. RICHARD claps his hands.
  201.  
  202. RICHARD
  203. So your candlesticks did save the day, after all.
  204. MICHELLE steps forward.
  205.  
  206. MICHELLE
  207. Is it true? Did you kill the creepy alien?
  208. TRISTAN
  209. Michelle how long have you been...?
  210. MICHELLE puts her arm around TRISTAN.
  211.  
  212. MICHELLE
  213. Long enough.
  214. TRISTAN
  215. Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Kimberly Sweet.
  216. MICHELLE
  217. Then the swimmers are safe?
  218. TRISTAN
  219. It does seem that way!
  220. A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
  221.  
  222. MICHELLE
  223. You are their hero.
  224. The swimmers bow to TRISTAN.
  225.  
  226. TRISTAN
  227. There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Kimberly Sweet will never devour swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
  228. MICHELLE
  229. You are humble as well as brave!
  230. One of the swimmers passes TRISTAN a tinkling pendant
  231.  
  232. MICHELLE
  233. I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
  234. TRISTAN
  235. I couldn't possibly.
  236. Pause.
  237.  
  238. TRISTAN
  239. Well, if you insist.
  240. TRISTAN takes the pendant.
  241.  
  242. TRISTAN
  243. Thank you.
  244. The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
  245.  
  246. TRISTAN turns to MICHELLE.
  247.  
  248. TRISTAN
  249. Does this mean you want me back?
  250. MICHELLE
  251. Oh, Tristan, of course I want you back!
  252. TRISTAN smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
  253.  
  254. TRISTAN
  255. Well you can't have me.
  256. MICHELLE
  257. WHAT?
  258. TRISTAN
  259. You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
  260. MICHELLE
  261. But...
  262. TRISTAN
  263. Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Richard.
  264. RICHARD grins.
  265.  
  266. MICHELLE
  267. But...
  268. RICHARD
  269. You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
  270. MICHELLE
  271. Tristan?
  272. TRISTAN
  273. I'm sorry Michelle, but I think you should skidaddle.
  274. MICHELLE leaves.
  275.  
  276. RICHARD turns to TRISTAN.
  277.  
  278. RICHARD
  279. Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
  280. TRISTAN
  281. Of course you are!
  282. The two walk off arm in arm.
  283.  
  284. Suddenly RICHARD stops.
  285.  
  286. RICHARD
  287. When I said I still wear nappies, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
  288. THE END
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