Chapter One - The Fuckfest Begins

	As we begin our tale, we start off in the realm of the humans. Yes, realm and yes humans. In order to switch rapidly from one fanbase or reality to another I will be using realms. Anyway, the realm of the humans is actually just Earth as we know it, and I am actually just starting off in my house.

	So here I am, sitting in my chair playing Madden on my Xbox 360. Oh yes, I am such a badass as I am playing in my Franchise as the Detroit Lions. Guess what, it is the motherfucking Superbowl and I am destined to win it! No more will the Lions be without a victory, no more will some other asshat hold up that trophy! It is Stafford's time to shine! At least, digitally.

	So anyway, there are about 5 seconds left in regulation and I am down by only 2 points. I have no worries, for I traded Jason Hanson for a more worthy kicker, no offense Hanson. I traded him for... JANIKOWSKI. I don't care if that is spelled correctly. Anyway, all I have to do to win is kick a 56 yard field goal and we all know he can kick 60 yards so it is fine.

	I'm all ready to win the game, when all of the sudden the other asshat blocks the field goal using some glitch. Yeah, he was offsides and I know it. My eyesight is PERFECT I could not possibly be wrong! So after about 30 minutes of bitching and screaming at the television I decide to visit John Madden and bitch some more. Since this is my fanfiction, I just will myself to his front door and start pounding.

	After a while he answers and well he's like 70 years old so he isn't in the mood for my bullshit. He simply shouts "Football!" and throws one right at me. I catch it and decide to sell it on Ebay for about a trillion dollars to some asshat named F00tb4ll4l1f3420. Honestly I could've took a shit and said it was John madden's and he would've paid. After this I pretty much forget about the Franchise, and life goes on.

	Once I return to my home though, there seems to be some kind of portal in my room. I don't give a shit where I go so I jump in, and what the fuck I'm in ponyland. By ponyland i mean Equestria. However they seem to believe French shit is ma-DICK! so I barely understand shit because I only took French 1. Luckily I find the language toolbar in the top right corner so everything is okay. I then decide to log off of second life and go to bed, where I dream of having hot sex with Luna.

END OF CHAPTER 1.