The Happy Film (2016)

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- So, these are getting

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Blown up a little bit tighter

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Than my comfort level
is really into.

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- Now that all the big
balloons are inflated,

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We're moving into the
small party balloons now

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To make chains.

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- and
everyone's gonna focus on that.

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So this team's working now.

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- We fixed it.

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We fixed the problem.

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We're gonna get liftoff.

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- Okay, you're good.

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Yeah, we're gonna go out
with three at a time.

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it's like the biggest game
of operation and...

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- I have no idea
how to start this film.

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But I actually do have

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The end all figured out.

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I'm going to attach 6,000
yellow balloons to myself.

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And then I'm gonna take
off against the blue sky.

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The yellow contrasting brightly,

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And that's just gonna be it.

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Jubilation music, probably

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Something sigur ros like.

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That's actually my
girlfriend veza up there.

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I, myself, turned out to be

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Too fat for takeoff,

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Or, like I prefer to believe,

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The balloon gas contracted

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In the freezing cold

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And threw all of our

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Math into disarray.

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- Get everybody else back.

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- okay,
I need everybody out...

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Are you okay, veza?

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- I love it.

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- okay, one more time.

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- well, this is
actually what really happened.

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Me not flying in the blue sky

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Makes a little bit
more sense after all.

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- it would be great
if you could

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Go more for height.

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You're not jumping
particularly high.

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You're just kind of
moving horizontally.

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- we need to take
this position again.

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- It's like, how can
we not get this shot

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With someone in the air?

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- stefan's gonna
come out of the rig.

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- no.

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- okay,
I'm the director here,

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I'm gonna make a decision.

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- one thing
is that harness

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Isn't built professionally.

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It is not meant for that.

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- well then
I go in this one.

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And it's going to be dark
by the time we get him off.

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Hang on, hang on, hang on,

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Exactly what you
shouldn't be doing

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Under the pressure, under
the time constraints,

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And the sunset.

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You should definitely
not be trying to rig

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Someone else into the harness.

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- this is
a film about me

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Trying to make myself happier.

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- this is exactly the
shit that I'm talking about.

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a number of years earlier,

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I was on sabbatical in bali.

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My best friend visited
from new york,

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And was checking how I
was spending my time.

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I was pretty much
making furniture,

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And he looked at
all of it and said,
that's good enough

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But somehow,
if you come back after a year

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With these couple of
chairs and these ideas,

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I'm not quite sure if
that's all that worthwhile.

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Well, this is really
when the whole idea

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For the happy film came up.

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I had given a talk on design
and happiness many times,

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And I'd always received
really good feedback and

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It just seemed like a juicy

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Design problem itself,
to make a proper

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Project out of it.

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And it would force me to

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Research the subject properly.

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After talking to many
psychologists, I wrote a script.

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And I made a list and a plan.

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I love making a plan.

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It got big.

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Anything, fitted in there.

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It turned out that making
a film about happiness

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Was somehow like
making a film about life.

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Too big, just impossible.

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I narrowed it down to

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My own happiness instead.

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After all, on my own happiness,

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I really am the world's
number one expert.

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The big question really is

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Can I train my mind
in the same way

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That I can train my body?

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And by far, the best book I read

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Was this one by jonathan haidt.

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So I called him up

101
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And he agreed
to be the scientific

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Adviser for this film.

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- So, there are three really

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Well validated techniques

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For changing
your habitual thinking.

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The first technique
is meditation.

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You concentrate
and you learn to let go

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Of thoughts
that make you less happy.

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Buddha said something like,

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A man must train his mind

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Like an elephant tamer

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Tames an elephant.

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The second technique
is cognitive therapy.

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It's a lot easier
than meditation.

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People have much higher
success rates.

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You catch
your distorted thinking

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And you learn to correct it.

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The third technique is drugs.

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Like lexapro and prozac.

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They really do change
the way you think.

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And they change your
habitual thought patterns.

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- I'm going
to try them all out

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For three months each.

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So I should be done
in 12 months.

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I'm going to measure
my happiness daily

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On a scale from one to 10.

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I'll double-check that here
and there with an mri scan.

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I'll do an eeg.

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I'll keep track of
my behavior every week.

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And I'll tape a video diary.

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And I know little about
how to make a film.

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So I'll ask my friend hillman
for help.

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And like a proper
graphic designer,

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Before I did any of that,

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Before shooting anything,

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I started with
the title sequence.

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It is now may 2009.

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And I would say that my
overall level of well-being is,

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Right now, maybe like a six.

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But I've already come up from

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Maybe, like three.

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I would say

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Two or three weeks ago.

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I clearly did
lose a lot of weight.

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Most of my trousers

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Don't really fit anymore.

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I mean, you see,

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Even this one is...

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Fairly loose

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To say the least.

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Or I can, well, it's also
an advantage, I guess.

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I can dress and redress so

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Much quicker in the morning.

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Altogether, I just broke off a

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Long, long relationship

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With my now-ex girlfriend.

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We went out for 11 years.

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And I'm clearly a little
bit swimming right now.

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For sure, the last two months,

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Even though
I try to be very active.

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My normal mode of

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Getting rid of problems
is just to work more.

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So I did quite a bit of work.

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Kept... Tried to keep myself

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Very, very busy.

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- Yeah, huge fan
of your guys's work,

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I follow you all the time.

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- we used to
design a lot of cd covers.

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I wanted to
combine my two loves,

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Design and music.

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Then it turned out that
designing the 28th cover

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Wasn't as much fun
as designing the 1st.

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- Look at this cd, look
at how cool that thing is.

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How slick is that?

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Very, very cool.

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- and then I
was just trying to see

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If I could apply this language

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That I know how to speak,

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Graphic design,

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To something that was

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Actually much more personal.

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And I found
this little list in my diary

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Of things I've learned

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In my life so far.

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So I chose some of them.

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Designed them as well
as I absolutely could.

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So, there is trying to look good

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Limits my life.

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Everything I do

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Always comes back

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To me.

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Keeping a diary

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Supports

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Personal

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Development.

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Even though
my initial feeling was

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That it's fairly self-indulgent,

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The reaction of the
audience was fantastic.

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It became this thing that's
still very graphic design,

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00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:03,401
But a much more
personal expression.

201
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,236
Look, somebody
is in a good mood.

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- I'm so excited.
- Excellent.

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The reason I wanted
to work with jonathan

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Is because he deals
with the whole life,

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Not just some small,
specialist stuff.

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And at the same time,
he's a true scientist.

207
00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:20,552
Everything he says
is backed up by proper

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00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:23,188
Authoritative research.

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00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,389
- The view that
I came to in writing the

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Happiness hypothesis I
didn't have this view

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When I started writing,
but by the end of the book,

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I came to the conclusion
that happiness doesn't come

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From getting what you want.

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Well that, everybody knows.

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00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,366
It doesn't come from within.

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00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:35,266
I mean, that's
what the buddhists

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00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:36,434
And the stoics
have always told us.

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From within, so, you
know, change yourself,

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Find happiness within.

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00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:40,939
There's some truth to that,

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But I think
the more correct way

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00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,110
To think about human happiness

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Is that happiness comes
from getting the right

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Kind of relationships.

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00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:49,981
Between yourself and others,

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And yourself and something
larger than yourself.

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Try to almost see yourself

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As though you were,

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00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,657
You know, a child or an animal

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That you were trying
to change or shape.

231
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:01,559
And what experiences

232
00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:03,395
Can you give it
that would end up just

233
00:11:03,397 --> 00:11:05,430
Making it automatically
and habitually act

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00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:06,831
In a different way.

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- To make your mind
become strong,

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You need exercise.

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The exercise of the mind, this

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Is what we call meditation.

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- the schedule
says wake up at 4:30

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And then a full program

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All the way 'til 9:15 pm.

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Meditation, break,
meditation, break.

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00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:58,616
Break, meditation, meditation

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00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,985
With strong determination,

245
00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:03,321
Meaning you're not
allowed to move,

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Break, lecture,
break, meditation.

247
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At 6:00 in the morning, already

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My back hurts like hell.

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And at 8:00,
oh, my god,

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The pain is totally nuts.

251
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- This is the way
to get happier.

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May all beings
be happy.

253
00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:33,118
May all beings
be happy.

254
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:39,424
May all beings
be happy.

255
00:12:40,192 --> 00:12:41,760
Meditation, stop.

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00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:45,663
One, two, three, four.

257
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- but the only pleasure

258
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,501
That I experience now

259
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Comes from the time

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When the pain goes away.

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- one by one,

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When you're calm.

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00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,843
may all beings

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Be happy.

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00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,846
Fuck.

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00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:05,116
five, six, seven, eight.

267
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:16,427
- I'm surrounded by
a surprisingly mixed group.

268
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:18,563
A bunch of jakarta housewives,

269
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,198
A fancy hippie.

270
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,400
An aging surfer dude.

271
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,202
An architect, designer type.

272
00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:28,439
And various women between
the age of 25 and 45

273
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:31,309
At various degrees
of being lost.

274
00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:36,915
Everybody looks
zombie-like and dour.

275
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,983
If I'm supposed
to get happy here,

276
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,552
Current company does not

277
00:13:40,554 --> 00:13:43,054
Suggest a successful outcome.

278
00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:50,061
good morning, everybody.

279
00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:52,931
We're going
to continue our practice

280
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:56,301
To make our
harmonious mind appear.

281
00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:58,069
- crazy pain,

282
00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,404
All night long.

283
00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:02,941
I'm totally ready to give up.

284
00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:06,911
seven, eight, nine, ten.

285
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:11,349
One, two, three, four, five.

286
00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:23,795
just ran into an
old student of mine and

287
00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:28,600
She's joining me and her
friend for dinner later on.

288
00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:31,402
So... Lovely.

289
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,316
Well after failing for awhile,

290
00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:48,519
I am now opening

291
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:50,054
Up to new things.

292
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,625
It does feel like lots

293
00:14:53,627 --> 00:14:55,460
Of stuff is possible.

294
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:06,838
And I think even
tanya is impressed.

295
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:19,417
I'm bored.

296
00:15:21,553 --> 00:15:25,757
Sunday and I'm bored.

297
00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:30,261
I was reading all afternoon

298
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,597
And I will do a little bit
of work now,

299
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,999
Because I don't know, really,

300
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,935
What else I should do.

301
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:50,048
My mom, whom I loved dearly,

302
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:52,216
Died this year.

303
00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:56,621
She used to work
in a store all her life,

304
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,690
And going up to people,

305
00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:01,626
Making that first step
really became easy

306
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,629
As she got totally used to it.

307
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:09,467
I, myself, could still get
much, much better at that.

308
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:13,705
This, this line and this
line, same distance?

309
00:16:13,707 --> 00:16:14,639
"t" here.

310
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:19,143
I'm extremely anxious
about this dance piece.

311
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,912
Choreographing dancers

312
00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:22,380
Is fairly far away

313
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:24,949
From straightforward
graphic design.

314
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,484
The "e" moves back.

315
00:16:28,087 --> 00:16:29,754
It's always the same.

316
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,923
If I've done it before,
I get bored.

317
00:16:31,925 --> 00:16:35,660
If I haven't done it
before, I get anxious.

318
00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:43,601
A couple of years ago,
hillman had made a

319
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,403
Short portrait of me.

320
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:48,406
And I immediately thought,

321
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,775
I could be friends
with this guy.

322
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,845
- So, I would choose the
letters where it made sense.

323
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:54,679
Do you know what I mean?

324
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,114
- yeah.

325
00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:59,717
Unlike me, he's calm and gentle.

326
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:03,354
We make a good team.

327
00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:05,189
M, yes!

328
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,291
A, yes!

329
00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:09,427
K, yes!

330
00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:11,562
E, no!

331
00:18:15,994 --> 00:18:18,396
What a crazy weekend.

332
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:20,331
I spent it with tanya in

333
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:23,334
A hotel down south
in alila uluwatu.

334
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,002
And I mean, of course, yeah,

335
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:27,105
It can't be much better.

336
00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:30,508
What a lovely, lovely, lovely,

337
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,877
Lovely, lovely girl she is.

338
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:36,514
Sadly, she doesn't
want to be filmed.

339
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:38,716
She thinks I share too much

340
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:41,219
Private stuff with everybody.

341
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:53,965
I think I'm falling for her.

342
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:58,803
Yeah, I think
I'm falling in love.

343
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:08,980
Just coming back from an
incredible weekend with tanya.

344
00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:14,819
I'm really in love,
and I told her so.

345
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:19,223
I'd say that if she
would leave me now,

346
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:24,495
Then I'd definitely
have that broken heart

347
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,097
That jonathan haidt thought

348
00:19:26,099 --> 00:19:28,432
Would be good for the film.

349
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,845
There was a meditation
on love and kindness.

350
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:44,916
And I meditated on

351
00:19:44,918 --> 00:19:47,351
The fact that I'm gonna die.

352
00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:54,825
And I think I really

353
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:58,930
Don't wanna
just dedicate the next

354
00:19:58,932 --> 00:20:02,500
20 years of my life
also to design,

355
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:05,036
As I've basically been doing.

356
00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:17,181
Yeah, I definitely
had an insight.

357
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:20,818
The insight is that
I really want kids.

358
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:21,719
It's a big deal.

359
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,855
That would be for me, my god...

360
00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:26,290
It's a big deal.

361
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:32,663
And I'll see how
tanya feels about this.

362
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,215
Crazy.

363
00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:52,750
I'm in hong kong.

364
00:20:53,518 --> 00:20:55,086
And things are amazing.

365
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:58,055
Of course,
now that I'm not looking

366
00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:59,790
For a girl,

367
00:21:00,659 --> 00:21:02,360
They are all over me.

368
00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:04,595
Maybe like the most ever.

369
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,063
There was this
pretty blonde girl

370
00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:09,166
Who in a second, sat on my lap.

371
00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:10,835
And just to make sure

372
00:21:10,837 --> 00:21:13,537
That I actually
heard her correctly,

373
00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:16,907
I said, did you
just offer me a trial run

374
00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:18,542
To sleep with you?

375
00:21:18,544 --> 00:21:19,944
And she said,

376
00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:21,012
Well, I might have,

377
00:21:21,014 --> 00:21:24,181
You have to seduce me
a little bit before.

378
00:21:24,183 --> 00:21:25,750
And it took, as it was,

379
00:21:25,752 --> 00:21:28,686
Quite some self-discipline
not to.

380
00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:31,555
Crazy.

381
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:43,367
I do think
I could be a good dad.

382
00:21:44,903 --> 00:21:47,138
And on the other hand,

383
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:48,139
If I would have a

384
00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:50,141
Family just for the thrill.

385
00:21:50,143 --> 00:21:52,910
Oh, my god, that would be awful.

386
00:21:59,084 --> 00:22:02,386
I'm not sure
if she's pissed at me.

387
00:22:02,388 --> 00:22:03,321
Who knows?

388
00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:08,159
It for sure would be
understandable considering

389
00:22:08,161 --> 00:22:12,430
That the child issue surely
is a deal-breaker for her.

390
00:22:13,932 --> 00:22:16,100
I think that's more my problem

391
00:22:16,102 --> 00:22:18,169
Than it is a reflection of

392
00:22:18,171 --> 00:22:20,438
The true situation with tanya.

393
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,406
But it's constantly like,

394
00:22:22,408 --> 00:22:26,577
Oh, we are so different.
Oh, she is so irrational.

395
00:22:26,579 --> 00:22:30,614
Oh, we have a
difference of common sense.

396
00:22:30,616 --> 00:22:35,419
In a very, very difficult
situation with her,

397
00:22:37,255 --> 00:22:41,258
Because I couldn't count
on her acting rationally.

398
00:22:41,260 --> 00:22:42,927
And it's difficult to get

399
00:22:42,929 --> 00:22:45,596
These thoughts out of my brain.

400
00:22:47,599 --> 00:22:50,701
I mean, we are
a month into it basically.

401
00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:55,206
And there is already

402
00:22:56,942 --> 00:22:58,309
Serious strife.

403
00:23:00,112 --> 00:23:01,045
Serious.

404
00:23:03,782 --> 00:23:04,949
I'm basically

405
00:23:06,952 --> 00:23:09,787
Out of my depth.

406
00:23:12,290 --> 00:23:13,791
She cried.

407
00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:17,828
I'm just really sad.

408
00:23:32,378 --> 00:23:35,646
- it is intimacy
with the ordinary conditions

409
00:23:35,648 --> 00:23:37,648
Of life that allow meditation

410
00:23:37,650 --> 00:23:39,216
To arise naturally,

411
00:23:39,218 --> 00:23:43,254
And then you find yourself
in meditation.

412
00:23:43,256 --> 00:23:44,922
and not while I'm sitting

413
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:46,557
In my meditation hut

414
00:23:46,559 --> 00:23:48,426
Trying, sitting still.

415
00:23:48,428 --> 00:23:49,994
- yeah, well,
there's the word trying.

416
00:23:49,996 --> 00:23:52,696
The trying is the problem.

417
00:23:52,698 --> 00:23:53,998
'cause you're trying
to get somewhere

418
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,333
As if you're not somewhere.

419
00:23:59,171 --> 00:24:02,840
- I actually
found a repeatable way

420
00:24:02,842 --> 00:24:05,443
To manufacture a happy moment.

421
00:24:08,747 --> 00:24:12,683
♪ I think I know how I feel

422
00:24:16,855 --> 00:24:23,627
♪ cause I-
I only play for real ♪

423
00:24:26,031 --> 00:24:29,967
♪ you should be picking me up

424
00:24:31,703 --> 00:24:35,873
♪ instead you're
dragging me down ♪

425
00:24:37,576 --> 00:24:40,845
♪ you're flying over my head

426
00:24:43,448 --> 00:24:47,485
♪ you're landing all over town

427
00:24:48,887 --> 00:24:52,823
♪ you should be picking me up

428
00:24:54,793 --> 00:24:59,563
♪ instead you're
dragging me down ♪

429
00:24:59,565 --> 00:25:01,632
- what is it
that leads to a change

430
00:25:01,634 --> 00:25:03,767
In the way that you
engage with people?

431
00:25:03,769 --> 00:25:04,902
From last time we spoke,

432
00:25:04,904 --> 00:25:06,670
It was clear to me
that your issue

433
00:25:06,672 --> 00:25:08,272
Isn't happiness per say.

434
00:25:08,274 --> 00:25:09,106
And that issues were

435
00:25:09,108 --> 00:25:10,007
Really much more
about connection

436
00:25:10,009 --> 00:25:11,475
With other people,
and some of the

437
00:25:11,477 --> 00:25:13,744
Warm, loving skills.

438
00:25:13,746 --> 00:25:15,312
There's actually
one other element here

439
00:25:15,314 --> 00:25:16,447
That we should bring

440
00:25:16,449 --> 00:25:17,615
In, is the fact
that you were living

441
00:25:17,617 --> 00:25:19,149
In a foreign country.

442
00:25:19,151 --> 00:25:20,351
It sounds like we have

443
00:25:20,353 --> 00:25:21,452
Not just the meditation,

444
00:25:21,454 --> 00:25:23,020
But we have being
in a new place.

445
00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:25,589
- In a place in which
you don't know people,

446
00:25:25,591 --> 00:25:27,157
So you're forced
to be more open.

447
00:25:27,159 --> 00:25:29,426
In a place that
the pace of life of which

448
00:25:29,428 --> 00:25:31,929
Is much, much slower
than in new york.

449
00:25:31,931 --> 00:25:33,964
And in a place which is
physically very beautiful,

450
00:25:33,966 --> 00:25:35,533
And in a very green,
natural way.

451
00:25:35,535 --> 00:25:37,835
So all of these things
are adding up

452
00:25:37,837 --> 00:25:40,437
To sort of suppress the sort of,

453
00:25:40,439 --> 00:25:42,873
The time pressure,

454
00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:45,609
You know, task-focused
stefan sagmeister.

455
00:25:45,611 --> 00:25:47,111
And bring out to the greatest

456
00:25:47,113 --> 00:25:48,445
Extent that you're capable

457
00:25:48,447 --> 00:25:51,882
Of the more warm, loving
and open stefan sagmeister.

458
00:25:51,884 --> 00:25:53,784
So it's going to be very
difficult for us to figure out

459
00:25:53,786 --> 00:25:56,387
Whether the meditation
played any role whatsoever.

460
00:25:56,389 --> 00:25:59,657
What we're seeing here is
that you're really high

461
00:25:59,659 --> 00:26:02,226
In a trait called systemizing.

462
00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:05,195
And systemizing is the ability

463
00:26:05,197 --> 00:26:08,165
And skill of seeing things
as systems

464
00:26:08,167 --> 00:26:10,834
Which can be graphed
and manipulated.

465
00:26:10,836 --> 00:26:13,904
And systemizing is at
least slightly correlated

466
00:26:13,906 --> 00:26:15,739
Negatively with empathizing.

467
00:26:15,741 --> 00:26:19,043
And so this is
a systemizer's attempt

468
00:26:19,045 --> 00:26:21,912
To make himself
more empathizing.

469
00:26:32,324 --> 00:26:36,093
- so, jonathan
talks in his book

470
00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:39,296
About this metaphor for

471
00:26:41,032 --> 00:26:43,000
Unconscious
and the conscious minds.

472
00:26:43,002 --> 00:26:45,903
The conscious mind being
the tiny little rider

473
00:26:45,905 --> 00:26:49,006
On the giant elephant,
the unconscious.

474
00:26:49,008 --> 00:26:51,008
And the rider thinks that
he can tell the elephant

475
00:26:51,010 --> 00:26:52,843
What to do and where to go.

476
00:26:52,845 --> 00:26:54,778
But the elephant, of course,

477
00:26:54,780 --> 00:26:57,047
Has his own sort of ideas.

478
00:27:00,186 --> 00:27:01,352
And it's quite strange

479
00:27:01,354 --> 00:27:02,886
That even though we think

480
00:27:02,888 --> 00:27:06,423
That we make
our decisions rationally,

481
00:27:06,425 --> 00:27:09,193
If you look at
a guy called george.

482
00:27:09,195 --> 00:27:11,862
He doesn't quite know
where to move to,

483
00:27:11,864 --> 00:27:15,599
Somehow georgia
sounds best for george.

484
00:27:15,601 --> 00:27:19,203
And if you have
a guy called dennis,

485
00:27:19,205 --> 00:27:20,037
He doesn't know if he wants to

486
00:27:20,039 --> 00:27:22,139
Become a doctor or a teacher,

487
00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:25,409
Somehow dentist
sounds best to dennis.

488
00:27:26,411 --> 00:27:29,847
And paula,
unsure to marry jack or paul.

489
00:27:31,282 --> 00:27:33,717
Paul it is for paula.

490
00:27:33,719 --> 00:27:35,786
And that's the strange thing.

491
00:27:35,788 --> 00:27:37,454
We think we make
these decisions,

492
00:27:37,456 --> 00:27:40,057
But you have data in the us

493
00:27:40,059 --> 00:27:41,992
That there are more georges

494
00:27:41,994 --> 00:27:43,761
Who live in georgia,

495
00:27:43,763 --> 00:27:45,329
There are more dennises

496
00:27:45,331 --> 00:27:47,064
Who become dentists,

497
00:27:47,066 --> 00:27:48,966
And there are more paulas

498
00:27:48,968 --> 00:27:50,834
That are married to pauls

499
00:27:50,836 --> 00:27:52,803
Than would be
statistically viable.

500
00:27:52,805 --> 00:27:57,307
Now, when I first saw that
data I thought, you know,

501
00:27:57,309 --> 00:27:58,776
These stupid americans.

502
00:27:58,778 --> 00:28:02,846
Ah, they really don't know
what they're doing.

503
00:28:04,082 --> 00:28:05,783
Somehow they are, you know,

504
00:28:05,785 --> 00:28:08,485
Led around by their elephant.

505
00:28:08,487 --> 00:28:11,288
Then I looked at my own family.

506
00:28:11,290 --> 00:28:15,059
That's my mom karolina
marrying my dad karl.

507
00:28:16,795 --> 00:28:21,065
My grandmother josephine
marrying my granddad josef.

508
00:28:23,435 --> 00:28:27,271
So, I'm still looking
for that stefanie.

509
00:28:42,554 --> 00:28:46,390
So, yeah, what I normally
do on Monday mornings

510
00:28:46,392 --> 00:28:49,226
Is this weekly rating thing.

511
00:28:49,228 --> 00:28:51,061
I've been doing it
for years and years.

512
00:28:51,063 --> 00:28:54,531
It's basically 12 things that

513
00:28:54,533 --> 00:28:55,966
I'm gonna change about myself.

514
00:28:55,968 --> 00:28:58,969
So, one, I've been really,
really good.

515
00:28:58,971 --> 00:29:01,171
Five, I've been really,
really bad.

516
00:29:01,173 --> 00:29:04,875
First one, don't drink alcohol,
was one.

517
00:29:04,877 --> 00:29:07,711
That I'm gutsy once a week.

518
00:29:07,713 --> 00:29:09,913
Last week,
I don't think I was very gutsy,

519
00:29:09,915 --> 00:29:13,851
But I'll have to go back
and check.

520
00:29:13,853 --> 00:29:15,919
Okay, there was this
guggenheim gala

521
00:29:15,921 --> 00:29:18,789
Where I did go up
to some people.

522
00:29:19,924 --> 00:29:20,924
Not all that successful,

523
00:29:20,926 --> 00:29:22,760
But at least I did.

524
00:29:22,762 --> 00:29:26,230
Helping somebody, I was
actually good last week.

525
00:29:26,232 --> 00:29:28,832
Do something with my friends,
also a two.

526
00:29:28,834 --> 00:29:31,769
Flexible, I don't think
I was all that flexible.

527
00:29:31,771 --> 00:29:34,037
So that gets, so that will be a

528
00:29:34,039 --> 00:29:35,773
One, a two, five.

529
00:29:35,775 --> 00:29:38,742
26 divided by 12.

530
00:29:38,744 --> 00:29:41,612
2.1, okay, so that's
not too bad.

531
00:29:44,182 --> 00:29:45,916
Yeah, I think
that's pretty good.

532
00:29:45,918 --> 00:29:47,184
Oh, and then one
that I left out here

533
00:29:47,186 --> 00:29:49,019
Because I was too
embarrassed about it

534
00:29:49,021 --> 00:29:51,455
Was that I wouldn't
date any girls

535
00:29:51,457 --> 00:29:55,859
That are more than 20
years younger than I am.

536
00:29:55,861 --> 00:29:57,594
In weeks when
I was good at these things,

537
00:29:57,596 --> 00:29:58,929
When I got good marks, it's

538
00:29:58,931 --> 00:30:00,864
Always been a happy week.

539
00:30:00,866 --> 00:30:02,933
And then I got bad marks,

540
00:30:02,935 --> 00:30:05,202
It's been an unhappy week.

541
00:30:23,621 --> 00:30:25,389
Jonathan introduced me

542
00:30:25,391 --> 00:30:29,159
To some very high end
cognitive therapists.

543
00:30:29,161 --> 00:30:30,093
I met up with them,

544
00:30:30,095 --> 00:30:32,396
And hated them all.

545
00:30:32,398 --> 00:30:36,233
Then a friend introduced me
to sheenah.

546
00:30:36,235 --> 00:30:38,001
I liked her.

547
00:30:38,003 --> 00:30:39,503
- How are you?
-       - I'm good.

548
00:30:39,737 --> 00:30:43,941
- I, myself, have  never been in therapy before.
- Right.

549
00:30:43,943 --> 00:30:45,409
- I'm not sure if I'm a

550
00:30:45,411 --> 00:30:47,411
Particularly fantastic candidate

551
00:30:47,413 --> 00:30:50,414
For therapy, considering that

552
00:30:50,416 --> 00:30:52,282
For a big part of my life

553
00:30:52,284 --> 00:30:54,618
I've been fairly happy.

554
00:30:54,620 --> 00:30:57,321
When I first met sheenah
I asked her,

555
00:30:57,323 --> 00:31:00,691
Is it reasonable to expect

556
00:31:00,693 --> 00:31:02,993
Some change after three months?

557
00:31:02,995 --> 00:31:05,829
And she said, well, if you
just talk and do nothing,

558
00:31:05,831 --> 00:31:06,964
Probably not.

559
00:31:06,966 --> 00:31:10,968
If you do the homework and
train yourself in that,

560
00:31:10,970 --> 00:31:12,870
It probably will work.

561
00:31:16,541 --> 00:31:21,011
My memories of my childhood
are incredibly happy.

562
00:31:21,013 --> 00:31:25,115
My parents had
an unbelievable marriage.

563
00:31:25,117 --> 00:31:28,118
I don't remember a single fight

564
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,888
Or even bad feelings in the air.

565
00:31:31,789 --> 00:31:33,557
- oh, look at that.

566
00:31:33,559 --> 00:31:37,160
That's a beautiful picture
of you and her.

567
00:31:38,463 --> 00:31:40,731
Now, you come from a very
close, loving family.

568
00:31:40,733 --> 00:31:43,500
- Mm-hm.
- There's not much
history of conflict.

569
00:31:43,502 --> 00:31:45,636
There wasn't much model for it
growing up.

570
00:31:45,638 --> 00:31:48,472
- here's something
that I was thinking about,

571
00:31:48,474 --> 00:31:51,174
Is that you're 49 and
you've never married.

572
00:31:51,176 --> 00:31:54,978
- And I've found that all
single people who say to me,

573
00:31:54,980 --> 00:31:58,548
I can't understand why I
really don't have a family,

574
00:31:58,550 --> 00:32:00,651
Why is this?

575
00:32:00,653 --> 00:32:04,688
All of them tend
to be passive pleasers.

576
00:32:04,690 --> 00:32:07,057
Because you tend
to avoid conflict.

577
00:32:07,059 --> 00:32:10,527
- yes,      I think that accurate.
- Right.

578
00:32:10,529 --> 00:32:14,064
- So what would you say
would be a remedy for that?

579
00:32:14,066 --> 00:32:17,668
- I believe in dealing with
conflict well and elegantly.

580
00:32:17,670 --> 00:32:19,002
And respectfully.

581
00:32:19,004 --> 00:32:22,873
It would be good practice
for you to do that.

582
00:32:25,343 --> 00:32:27,077
- even before
I saw sheenah,

583
00:32:27,079 --> 00:32:28,011
I've been trying to get

584
00:32:28,013 --> 00:32:30,180
Better with everyday things.

585
00:32:30,182 --> 00:32:32,649
Things I'm almost embarrassed

586
00:32:33,451 --> 00:32:36,119
That I need to talk about them.

587
00:32:37,388 --> 00:32:39,556
Things like if I want
a coffee on the street

588
00:32:39,558 --> 00:32:40,891
And I see somebody
with a coffee,

589
00:32:40,893 --> 00:32:41,792
Just ask that person,

590
00:32:41,794 --> 00:32:42,726
Where did you get it,

591
00:32:42,728 --> 00:32:45,228
Rather than finding it myself.

592
00:32:45,230 --> 00:32:49,232
Or telling a taxi driver
to turn the radio down

593
00:32:49,234 --> 00:32:50,801
If it bothers me.

594
00:32:50,803 --> 00:32:53,704
You know, I've been
known to sit in a taxi

595
00:32:53,706 --> 00:32:56,039
And just endure it.

596
00:32:56,041 --> 00:32:57,908
That's perfect, thanks.

597
00:32:57,910 --> 00:33:01,044
Do you have any idea
of other homework

598
00:33:01,046 --> 00:33:03,280
That I could do?

599
00:33:03,282 --> 00:33:05,882
- I think we should pick things
that you would avoid doing.

600
00:33:05,884 --> 00:33:09,086
What kind of things
do you avoid doing?

601
00:33:09,088 --> 00:33:10,887
Cause I do believe
in seeking discomfort

602
00:33:10,889 --> 00:33:13,824
As a great way
to grow confidence.

603
00:33:22,734 --> 00:33:23,834
- Hi, sorry for interrupting,

604
00:33:23,836 --> 00:33:26,770
But you just look fantastic.

605
00:33:26,772 --> 00:33:27,738
I love your outfit,

606
00:33:27,740 --> 00:33:30,240
You just look great.

607
00:33:30,242 --> 00:33:31,641
That's some serious amount of

608
00:33:31,643 --> 00:33:33,043
Apples that you have there.

609
00:33:35,413 --> 00:33:37,180
- So I'm gonna do things

610
00:33:37,182 --> 00:33:39,383
That I normally never do.

611
00:33:40,118 --> 00:33:42,119
And some, probably
the most difficult one

612
00:33:42,121 --> 00:33:43,987
Is going to be to get a
phone number of a girl.

613
00:33:43,989 --> 00:33:46,490
Which is just
gonna be terrifying,

614
00:33:46,492 --> 00:33:48,091
Because I never
do that on the street.

615
00:33:48,093 --> 00:33:49,926
I just never do.

616
00:33:49,928 --> 00:33:52,629
So just thinking about it

617
00:33:52,631 --> 00:33:54,798
Now and talking about it,

618
00:33:55,933 --> 00:33:58,035
Yeah, makes me queasy

619
00:33:58,037 --> 00:33:59,936
To say the least.

620
00:33:59,938 --> 00:34:01,805
Wow, I love that bag.

621
00:34:01,807 --> 00:34:04,141
Excuse me, I love that bag.

622
00:34:05,343 --> 00:34:08,779
I'm not getting very
far with my compliments.

623
00:34:08,781 --> 00:34:11,815
- People are so used to
being approached here.

624
00:34:11,817 --> 00:34:15,952
- Do you ever approach
people on the street?

625
00:34:15,954 --> 00:34:17,788
- No.
- Me neither.

626
00:34:17,790 --> 00:34:19,456
- I never do.
- Yeah, no, no, me neither.

627
00:34:19,458 --> 00:34:21,625
- This blonde?
You want to try?

628
00:34:21,627 --> 00:34:22,826
- Not really.

629
00:34:25,296 --> 00:34:27,431
She looks mean.
- Yeah.

630
00:34:29,967 --> 00:34:31,134
- Can I give you a flower?

631
00:34:31,136 --> 00:34:32,803
- oh, it's--
- no, but look, look,

632
00:34:32,805 --> 00:34:33,970
It matches perfectly.

633
00:34:33,972 --> 00:34:36,740
- Thanks a lot, thanks a lot.
- Yeah? Thank you.

634
00:34:36,742 --> 00:34:38,175
I'm sorry, I see you're texting

635
00:34:38,177 --> 00:34:40,510
But I just have to comment
on your jacket.

636
00:34:40,512 --> 00:34:42,145
That is just the nicest jacket.

637
00:34:42,147 --> 00:34:44,147
You absolutely look fantastic.

638
00:34:44,149 --> 00:34:45,982
Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, well, thank you.

639
00:34:45,984 --> 00:34:48,585
I would love to get
together for a cup of coffee

640
00:34:48,587 --> 00:34:49,486
At one time.

641
00:34:49,488 --> 00:34:51,555
- Look, and I have
a flower for you.

642
00:34:51,557 --> 00:34:52,589
- Oh, thank you.

643
00:34:52,591 --> 00:34:54,491
- Excellent.
- They're beautiful.

644
00:34:54,493 --> 00:34:58,829
- That was the first one that
halfway decently worked out.

645
00:34:58,831 --> 00:35:00,730
I didn't quite have
the guts to further,

646
00:35:00,732 --> 00:35:02,499
To really ask her
for her phone number

647
00:35:02,501 --> 00:35:04,334
After she accepted,
graciously, my card.

648
00:35:04,336 --> 00:35:06,103
But I wouldn't,
the way she reacted,

649
00:35:06,105 --> 00:35:10,974
If I would actually get
an email from christie.

650
00:35:12,677 --> 00:35:14,945
I would say, at least from

651
00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:18,081
A judgement of american society,

652
00:35:18,083 --> 00:35:19,082
I clearly must have some

653
00:35:19,084 --> 00:35:22,686
Sort of commitment issues.

654
00:35:22,688 --> 00:35:24,020
At least, if I talk to girls--

655
00:35:24,022 --> 00:35:26,189
- They're going to tell you
that within five minutes.

656
00:35:26,191 --> 00:35:28,191
- I think that I have
commitment issues.

657
00:35:28,193 --> 00:35:30,694
I did have, of course, a
very long relationship.

658
00:35:30,696 --> 00:35:31,528
- You did?

659
00:35:31,530 --> 00:35:35,432
I went out with anni
for 11 years.

660
00:35:35,434 --> 00:35:36,666
- You did?
- Yeah.

661
00:35:38,536 --> 00:35:40,470
We were friends
for many, many years

662
00:35:40,472 --> 00:35:41,771
Before we started dating.

663
00:35:41,773 --> 00:35:44,875
And we had a quite
wonderful relationship,

664
00:35:44,877 --> 00:35:48,078
But towards the end,
we really sort of got

665
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,113
On each others' nerves.

666
00:35:50,115 --> 00:35:51,748
Mostly small things.

667
00:35:51,750 --> 00:35:57,020
I could never really figure
out how that happened.

668
00:35:58,556 --> 00:36:02,225
Did she start to do things
she never did before?

669
00:36:02,227 --> 00:36:06,263
Or am I now getting
agitated about stuff I used

670
00:36:06,265 --> 00:36:07,697
To be fine with?

671
00:36:09,500 --> 00:36:11,835
And I'd say that right now,

672
00:36:15,806 --> 00:36:17,507
I'm not sure if it was a

673
00:36:17,509 --> 00:36:19,776
Good idea to break it off.

674
00:36:20,978 --> 00:36:22,112
But I can say this.

675
00:36:22,114 --> 00:36:23,780
I of course am a big list-maker.

676
00:36:23,782 --> 00:36:26,249
I have also made lists of

677
00:36:26,251 --> 00:36:28,818
Positives and negatives.
- Negatives.

678
00:36:28,820 --> 00:36:32,255
- Yes and it was
just a little bit

679
00:36:32,257 --> 00:36:33,823
More negatives than positives.

680
00:36:33,825 --> 00:36:35,325
And I recently went

681
00:36:35,327 --> 00:36:36,626
Back into the diary

682
00:36:36,628 --> 00:36:38,795
And saw those lists again and--

683
00:36:38,797 --> 00:36:41,164
- What did you see?

684
00:36:41,166 --> 00:36:42,933
- I saw that I

685
00:36:42,935 --> 00:36:45,602
Left out a good number of

686
00:36:45,604 --> 00:36:47,637
Positives that I would see now.

687
00:36:47,639 --> 00:36:48,605
- really?

688
00:36:48,607 --> 00:36:49,606
yeah.

689
00:36:49,608 --> 00:36:50,974
That there were

690
00:36:51,776 --> 00:36:54,110
Things that I didn't
give her any credit for,

691
00:36:54,112 --> 00:36:56,613
That she clearly would
have deserved credit.

692
00:36:56,615 --> 00:36:57,447
That I basically

693
00:36:57,449 --> 00:36:59,115
Took for granted.

694
00:36:59,117 --> 00:37:01,151
Let's say that last
pro and con list,

695
00:37:01,153 --> 00:37:02,652
Done from today's point of view,

696
00:37:02,654 --> 00:37:05,322
Would look radically different.

697
00:37:07,291 --> 00:37:08,491
One thing that I think

698
00:37:08,493 --> 00:37:10,894
Initially took guts was the

699
00:37:12,296 --> 00:37:14,364
The opening card
of the studio itself.

700
00:37:14,366 --> 00:37:17,467
This was, I think, 17 years ago.

701
00:37:17,469 --> 00:37:20,403
And it was just
a stupid little joke.

702
00:37:20,405 --> 00:37:23,139
My girlfriend at the time
thought that,

703
00:37:23,141 --> 00:37:26,676
Oh, I'm going to
lose the one client

704
00:37:26,678 --> 00:37:28,511
By sending this out.

705
00:37:28,513 --> 00:37:30,680
But there were one or two

706
00:37:30,682 --> 00:37:31,982
Other clients that followed.

707
00:37:31,984 --> 00:37:33,984
So, it actually worked.

708
00:37:35,820 --> 00:37:38,088
Shit, no, shit, it would
have to be much higher.

709
00:37:38,090 --> 00:37:39,022
Fuck.

710
00:37:43,494 --> 00:37:45,195
You see, like the distance
between the h

711
00:37:45,197 --> 00:37:46,830
And the a is now too big.

712
00:37:46,832 --> 00:37:47,998
- okay, the one thing

713
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:49,332
That we haven't tried,

714
00:37:49,334 --> 00:37:51,501
Which would, again, take
probably five, 10 minutes

715
00:37:51,503 --> 00:37:55,572
If we didn't talk to
each other, at all.

716
00:37:55,574 --> 00:37:57,340
hillman was a rock star.

717
00:37:57,342 --> 00:37:59,442
And I don't mean this
metaphorically.

718
00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:03,613
I mean he had a major
label recording contract.

719
00:38:03,615 --> 00:38:06,216
And he'd toured for 10 years.

720
00:38:06,218 --> 00:38:07,917
And how do I know about this?

721
00:38:07,919 --> 00:38:09,286
From wikipedia.

722
00:38:10,354 --> 00:38:14,024
He, himself never really
talks about it.

723
00:38:14,026 --> 00:38:15,358
- I would say
if we're gonna do it,

724
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:18,695
I don't think there's
any real point in doing it,

725
00:38:18,697 --> 00:38:19,696
When we can do it with--

726
00:38:19,698 --> 00:38:20,530
you're gonna be right,

727
00:38:20,532 --> 00:38:21,364
You're gonna be right.

728
00:38:21,366 --> 00:38:22,699
But just give me
like five minutes.

729
00:38:22,701 --> 00:38:23,867
We won't even say anything.

730
00:38:23,869 --> 00:38:26,603
Just let me see the
"having" as it was before.

731
00:38:26,605 --> 00:38:27,804
Where we were.

732
00:38:27,806 --> 00:38:29,272
And there might

733
00:38:29,274 --> 00:38:32,809
Be some surprising
new thing that happens.

734
00:38:40,117 --> 00:38:42,285
- well, sheenah thinks
I should be less cautious

735
00:38:42,287 --> 00:38:44,054
In my relationships.

736
00:38:45,389 --> 00:38:47,457
And I have been infatuated

737
00:38:47,459 --> 00:38:49,492
With a very private woman

738
00:38:49,494 --> 00:38:51,728
In my hometown in austria

739
00:38:51,730 --> 00:38:54,397
For a very long time now.

740
00:38:54,399 --> 00:38:56,466
And she would hate to be

741
00:38:56,468 --> 00:38:58,168
Mentioned in this film.

742
00:38:58,170 --> 00:39:01,171
So I'll just call her
miss private.

743
00:39:06,777 --> 00:39:08,745
When I think of her,
it's never sexual

744
00:39:08,747 --> 00:39:12,916
It's always about some
smart thing she said

745
00:39:12,918 --> 00:39:15,919
Or some nice thing
that she's done.

746
00:39:17,355 --> 00:39:19,656
I'm going to austria right now

747
00:39:19,658 --> 00:39:24,260
And let's see,
maybe I finally get

748
00:39:24,262 --> 00:39:28,264
My shit together
and I'll be able to tell her.

749
00:40:33,397 --> 00:40:35,498
Of course, miss private came.

750
00:40:35,500 --> 00:40:37,367
- Miss private, yeah.

751
00:40:39,670 --> 00:40:42,672
- she told me that
she made some decisions,

752
00:40:42,674 --> 00:40:47,010
That she has to stop that
safe, mousy life back home.

753
00:40:47,012 --> 00:40:47,844
- oh, really?

754
00:40:47,846 --> 00:40:50,447
And I sort of looked
at her and said, well,

755
00:40:50,449 --> 00:40:52,081
That, uh, that sounds

756
00:40:52,083 --> 00:40:54,284
Pretty good for my cause.

757
00:40:55,219 --> 00:40:57,353
Then we kissed and

758
00:40:57,355 --> 00:40:59,856
It basically went from there.

759
00:41:01,425 --> 00:41:04,194
She was here in a week when
new york was at its finest.

760
00:41:04,196 --> 00:41:05,195
Like, you know,

761
00:41:05,197 --> 00:41:06,029
- Oh, I do.

762
00:41:06,031 --> 00:41:10,733
It was super warm, the sun
was shining every single day.

763
00:41:10,735 --> 00:41:12,702
And I feel that it was

764
00:41:12,704 --> 00:41:14,204
More new york than me

765
00:41:14,206 --> 00:41:15,271
Who won her over.

766
00:41:15,273 --> 00:41:17,140
New york was so much on my side.

767
00:41:17,142 --> 00:41:18,575
- Yeah.
-  - that's your rival.

768
00:41:18,577 --> 00:41:21,144
- yes, yeah.

769
00:41:40,564 --> 00:41:41,965
- 2:00, okay, perfect.

770
00:41:41,967 --> 00:41:43,233
Okay, goodbye.

771
00:41:44,735 --> 00:41:46,102
He'll be here at 2:00.

772
00:41:46,104 --> 00:41:47,437
- Oh, excellent.

773
00:41:47,439 --> 00:41:49,172
The institute for contemporary
art in philadelphia

774
00:41:49,174 --> 00:41:51,574
Invited us to create an exhibit.

775
00:41:51,576 --> 00:41:54,844
I immediately thought, this
could be about happiness.

776
00:41:54,846 --> 00:41:56,179
The happy show.

777
00:41:57,081 --> 00:41:59,082
I've been doing promotional

778
00:41:59,084 --> 00:42:01,584
Things for so long now.

779
00:42:01,586 --> 00:42:04,254
This could be
a great possibility

780
00:42:04,256 --> 00:42:06,155
To use the language of design

781
00:42:06,157 --> 00:42:08,591
For something more personal.

782
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:18,868
When she stayed over

783
00:42:18,870 --> 00:42:22,305
Like, for me,
it was oddly friendshippy.

784
00:42:23,107 --> 00:42:23,940
- really?

785
00:42:23,942 --> 00:42:24,774
- yeah.

786
00:42:24,776 --> 00:42:26,376
Not passionate.
- Passionate.

787
00:42:26,378 --> 00:42:29,679
- And oddly companionate.

788
00:42:29,681 --> 00:42:30,613
- mm-hmm.

789
00:42:30,615 --> 00:42:31,681
- I mean, you know,

790
00:42:31,683 --> 00:42:33,483
Even down to the the point

791
00:42:33,485 --> 00:42:35,785
That she smelled very familiar.

792
00:42:35,787 --> 00:42:37,987
Or more particularly, she
smelled like my sister.

793
00:42:37,989 --> 00:42:41,457
But on the other hand
it's also not so sexy.

794
00:42:41,459 --> 00:42:43,660
- It's not sexy at all.

795
00:42:43,662 --> 00:42:47,130
- This represents
what it would look like

796
00:42:47,132 --> 00:42:48,631
When it's a generated

797
00:42:48,633 --> 00:42:51,234
Pedal power, okay?

798
00:42:52,202 --> 00:42:56,072
- her concern was
that I'm very, very rational.

799
00:42:56,074 --> 00:42:58,141
Actually, too rational for her.

800
00:42:58,143 --> 00:43:02,312
And I make this whole
relationship so rational.

801
00:43:02,314 --> 00:43:05,014
Yeah, it's just not
emotional enough for her.

802
00:43:05,016 --> 00:43:06,849
- and what does
she exactly mean by that?

803
00:43:06,851 --> 00:43:08,518
- I think
what she means by it

804
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:11,087
Is that there is probably not

805
00:43:12,923 --> 00:43:14,524
I don't know, enough gazing

806
00:43:14,526 --> 00:43:16,059
Into each others eyes.

807
00:43:16,061 --> 00:43:17,327
- romance, you mean?

808
00:43:17,329 --> 00:43:23,333
If there is such a thing
as passionate love,

809
00:43:23,335 --> 00:43:27,003
I am not in passionate
love with miss private.

810
00:43:27,005 --> 00:43:28,237
- So, she senses that?

811
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:29,272
- Yes.

812
00:43:29,274 --> 00:43:30,540
- yes.
-         - yeah.

813
00:43:32,376 --> 00:43:34,077
I'm trying to get like
a perfect packed one.

814
00:43:34,079 --> 00:43:35,511
So, the end is the test.

815
00:43:35,513 --> 00:43:36,846
- That looks nice too, though.

816
00:43:36,848 --> 00:43:39,182
Using them like this.

817
00:43:39,184 --> 00:43:40,516
- Yeah, yep.

818
00:43:40,518 --> 00:43:41,851
- Fine, let's go
for the coffees.

819
00:43:41,853 --> 00:43:42,785
Yes, yeah.

820
00:43:43,687 --> 00:43:45,388
Hillman is very sick.

821
00:43:45,390 --> 00:43:46,823
You're okay now?

822
00:43:49,593 --> 00:43:52,362
He does not wanna talk about it.

823
00:43:53,364 --> 00:43:56,432
He's been absent a lot lately,

824
00:43:56,434 --> 00:44:00,470
And the whole team has
been avoiding the issue.

825
00:44:03,307 --> 00:44:06,709
I'm not quite sure
how to bring it up.

826
00:44:06,711 --> 00:44:07,810
I was missing you badly,

827
00:44:07,812 --> 00:44:10,480
And missing the input badly.

828
00:44:43,814 --> 00:44:45,114
- I want you to be involved

829
00:44:45,116 --> 00:44:49,085
Every single step of the way.

830
00:44:49,087 --> 00:44:50,520
- On all things.

831
00:44:50,522 --> 00:44:53,423
I'm extremely aware that
the little graphic shots

832
00:44:53,425 --> 00:44:55,091
Are not gonna make the movie.

833
00:44:55,093 --> 00:44:55,925
They're gonna be sweet

834
00:44:55,927 --> 00:44:59,295
Nice little things, the
movie will need a story.

835
00:44:59,297 --> 00:45:00,797
And it needs to be emotional.

836
00:45:00,799 --> 00:45:04,801
And I think that I'm very
much relying on you for that.

837
00:45:18,115 --> 00:45:22,385
- so miss private
and I split up.

838
00:45:22,387 --> 00:45:23,219
- you did?

839
00:45:23,221 --> 00:45:28,624
She said, well, I think
we both made up our minds.

840
00:45:28,626 --> 00:45:31,961
And we clearly both knew
what she was talking about.

841
00:45:31,963 --> 00:45:33,996
Ultimately my guess would

842
00:45:33,998 --> 00:45:35,398
Be that that is, you know,

843
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:39,836
Just another boring
fear of commitment.

844
00:45:39,838 --> 00:45:40,970
- I think I called it trapped,

845
00:45:40,972 --> 00:45:42,238
And you called it bound.

846
00:45:42,240 --> 00:45:43,139
Do you remember that?

847
00:45:43,141 --> 00:45:46,042
- I think you have a big
fear of being trapped

848
00:45:46,044 --> 00:45:48,644
In a conflictual situation.

849
00:45:48,646 --> 00:45:51,748
And most people
who avoid commitment

850
00:45:52,483 --> 00:45:54,684
Are really avoiding conflict.

851
00:45:54,686 --> 00:45:57,687
- It's strange, I know with
people that work with me,

852
00:45:57,689 --> 00:45:59,756
After 10 minutes,

853
00:45:59,758 --> 00:46:01,257
No problem at all.

854
00:46:01,259 --> 00:46:03,326
And I've not been somebody

855
00:46:03,328 --> 00:46:07,396
Who falls in love
at first sight at all.

856
00:46:07,398 --> 00:46:08,998
you have a lot of caution.

857
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:10,500
- Yep.

858
00:46:10,502 --> 00:46:12,668
- A lot of caution
about falling in love.

859
00:46:12,670 --> 00:46:14,704
Maybe not about
everything in life,

860
00:46:14,706 --> 00:46:17,807
But certainly
about falling in love.

861
00:46:20,377 --> 00:46:22,211
- I guess,
you know, what I'm trying

862
00:46:22,213 --> 00:46:23,379
To figure out here is
whether something about

863
00:46:23,381 --> 00:46:24,781
You or your strengths,

864
00:46:24,783 --> 00:46:26,182
The way you live your life,

865
00:46:26,184 --> 00:46:27,683
Makes it simply difficult
for you to connect

866
00:46:27,685 --> 00:46:29,352
Deeply with women.

867
00:46:29,354 --> 00:46:30,186
- Yeah.

868
00:46:30,188 --> 00:46:32,355
And that's why
we call it falling.

869
00:46:32,357 --> 00:46:33,723
You don't have to choose fall.

870
00:46:33,725 --> 00:46:36,759
You're just walking along
and you fall.

871
00:46:36,761 --> 00:46:40,363
It's developing a long term
companionate love relationship,

872
00:46:40,365 --> 00:46:41,798
That's what's harder.

873
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:44,066
- So, do you think that...

874
00:46:46,870 --> 00:46:49,372
That's the question,
do you think that a long term

875
00:46:49,374 --> 00:46:51,707
Companionate relationship
is possible without the

876
00:46:51,709 --> 00:46:53,409
Passion that comes up front--

877
00:46:53,411 --> 00:46:54,610
- Absolutely.
It's absolutely possible.

878
00:46:54,612 --> 00:46:55,578
- It is possible?
- Yes.

879
00:46:55,580 --> 00:46:56,813
- Yeah.
- Yes.

880
00:46:56,815 --> 00:47:00,216
And that's the way traditional
marriages often were.

881
00:47:00,218 --> 00:47:01,918
You simply
put the people together.

882
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:02,885
They might not love

883
00:47:02,887 --> 00:47:03,719
Each other at first,

884
00:47:03,721 --> 00:47:05,121
They don't know each other.

885
00:47:05,123 --> 00:47:06,088
But they can develop very,

886
00:47:06,090 --> 00:47:08,224
Very deep companionate
love relationships.

887
00:47:08,226 --> 00:47:09,058
So, it's not that the

888
00:47:09,060 --> 00:47:11,227
Passionate love is essential.

889
00:47:11,229 --> 00:47:13,596
But it is one of
the greatest experiences

890
00:47:13,598 --> 00:47:16,566
And for somebody who
craves peak experiences,

891
00:47:16,568 --> 00:47:18,601
And strong emotions,

892
00:47:18,603 --> 00:47:20,903
It is one that I would
not want you to miss.

893
00:47:20,905 --> 00:47:22,405
- But from your point of view,

894
00:47:22,407 --> 00:47:25,174
Miss private and I
could actually have

895
00:47:25,176 --> 00:47:27,176
Developed
a beautiful relationship

896
00:47:27,178 --> 00:47:29,245
Even though it didn't
feel very passionate

897
00:47:29,247 --> 00:47:31,347
At the beginning.
- Absolutely, absolutely.

898
00:47:37,988 --> 00:47:40,189
- Let's see that last one again.

899
00:47:40,191 --> 00:47:42,792
- It just ends with the plane.

900
00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:46,863
- I'm really trying to
work more on the film

901
00:47:46,865 --> 00:47:50,099
And less on our regular
commercial projects.

902
00:47:50,101 --> 00:47:52,768
- and then you'll
think of some ideas?

903
00:47:52,770 --> 00:47:53,603
- Yes.

904
00:47:53,605 --> 00:47:54,437
- great.

905
00:47:54,439 --> 00:47:55,371
- Should we set a deadline?

906
00:47:55,373 --> 00:47:57,273
- Otherwise, I'm just
gonna forget.

907
00:47:57,275 --> 00:47:58,274
- Yeah.

908
00:47:58,276 --> 00:47:59,675
- Jessica has great ideas,

909
00:47:59,677 --> 00:48:01,510
Knows how to execute them,

910
00:48:01,512 --> 00:48:03,179
And most important of all,

911
00:48:03,181 --> 00:48:04,614
Has the wherewithal

912
00:48:04,616 --> 00:48:06,148
To make them real.

913
00:48:06,150 --> 00:48:08,117
- Well, we could film,
like, crops.

914
00:48:08,119 --> 00:48:09,719
- yeah.

915
00:48:09,721 --> 00:48:11,187
Even though she's super young,

916
00:48:11,189 --> 00:48:14,056
She's crazily experienced.

917
00:48:14,058 --> 00:48:17,126
I mean, she designed a website
showing other designers

918
00:48:17,128 --> 00:48:19,729
How to design websites at 13.

919
00:48:32,643 --> 00:48:34,410
I asked her
if she wants to become

920
00:48:34,412 --> 00:48:36,512
A partner in the studio.

921
00:48:37,681 --> 00:48:38,614
She did.

922
00:48:38,616 --> 00:48:40,983
- Pouring like a yellow
paint or something,

923
00:48:40,985 --> 00:48:43,185
And you saw the dripping.

924
00:48:45,656 --> 00:48:48,557
Maybe we start with the plants.

925
00:48:48,559 --> 00:48:51,327
- we renamed the
studio sagmeister and walsh,

926
00:48:51,329 --> 00:48:54,830
And designed a card
announcing that.

927
00:48:54,832 --> 00:48:56,666
We might need
some books for you.

928
00:48:56,668 --> 00:49:01,337
- okay, and I think
we need about this many.

929
00:49:01,339 --> 00:49:02,772
- okay.

930
00:49:04,074 --> 00:49:05,574
- Okay, and here we are.

931
00:49:05,576 --> 00:49:09,111
Okay, guys,
and start looking at me.

932
00:49:09,113 --> 00:49:10,279
Look above me.

933
00:49:10,281 --> 00:49:12,281
And you're just
looking at each other

934
00:49:12,283 --> 00:49:13,382
As you're standing there.

935
00:49:13,384 --> 00:49:14,517
Cool, okay, and now

936
00:49:14,519 --> 00:49:16,052
Switch it around.

937
00:49:17,254 --> 00:49:18,921
Great, again, both
looking at me.

938
00:49:18,923 --> 00:49:19,855
Great.

939
00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:22,024
Okay.

940
00:49:22,026 --> 00:49:25,528
- Oh, my god, did you
tan for this, specially?

941
00:49:25,530 --> 00:49:26,462
- Maybe.

942
00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:46,215
♪ I have a wound

943
00:49:46,217 --> 00:49:49,585
♪ that never will heal

944
00:49:55,559 --> 00:49:57,059
♪ and you are

945
00:49:57,061 --> 00:50:01,163
♪ the one
that constantly peels ♪

946
00:50:08,438 --> 00:50:11,407
♪ the skin away

947
00:50:11,409 --> 00:50:14,677
♪ each and every day

948
00:50:20,584 --> 00:50:22,752
♪ why don't you please

949
00:50:22,754 --> 00:50:24,320
♪ why don't you please

950
00:50:24,322 --> 00:50:27,690
♪ why don't you please

951
00:50:32,596 --> 00:50:36,165
♪ and I have a way

952
00:50:36,167 --> 00:50:39,702
♪ of seeing these things

953
00:50:45,275 --> 00:50:49,278
♪ the skin on your bones

954
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:52,715
♪ it comes deadly aloes

955
00:50:57,788 --> 00:50:59,522
♪ pull it away

956
00:50:59,524 --> 00:51:01,290
♪ pull it away

957
00:51:01,292 --> 00:51:03,959
♪ pull it away

958
00:51:13,470 --> 00:51:15,237
- okay.

959
00:51:18,875 --> 00:51:19,809
Okay.

960
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:25,648
- well, I felt

961
00:51:25,650 --> 00:51:27,416
It was sort of strange that

962
00:51:27,418 --> 00:51:30,352
We are making
a movie on happiness

963
00:51:31,254 --> 00:51:35,057
And we having a director,
a co-director,

964
00:51:35,059 --> 00:51:37,827
Who is, you know, seriously ill.

965
00:51:39,429 --> 00:51:41,497
How do you feel?

966
00:51:41,499 --> 00:51:42,431
- Just

967
00:51:45,068 --> 00:51:48,704
Having been dealt a set of cards

968
00:51:51,007 --> 00:51:53,275
That are really difficult,

969
00:51:54,077 --> 00:51:56,879
You know, and no breaks.

970
00:51:56,881 --> 00:51:58,781
- In some ways,
I'm actually surprised

971
00:51:58,783 --> 00:52:01,684
That you still
wanna be a part of it.

972
00:52:01,686 --> 00:52:03,953
For all the sort of daily crap

973
00:52:03,955 --> 00:52:08,858
That documentary film
making brings with it.

974
00:52:08,860 --> 00:52:11,460
You know, that you
don't just say, oh, no.

975
00:52:11,462 --> 00:52:13,929
- You know, I mean,
I've got two kids.

976
00:52:13,931 --> 00:52:17,700
I like to see them
watch me work.

977
00:52:20,103 --> 00:52:22,771
It's really gratifying.

978
00:52:22,773 --> 00:52:26,242
They get to see
what their dad does.

979
00:52:28,645 --> 00:52:29,979
It floats your,

980
00:52:38,722 --> 00:52:40,489
Well-being, I guess.

981
00:52:43,894 --> 00:52:45,494
- There were times

982
00:52:48,398 --> 00:52:50,733
When I'd almost wish it would

983
00:52:50,735 --> 00:52:52,801
Be the other way around.

984
00:52:52,803 --> 00:52:55,004
I mean, are you
angry at all, or?

985
00:52:55,006 --> 00:52:57,740
- I've done the angry thing.

986
00:52:57,742 --> 00:52:58,707
So heavily.

987
00:52:59,843 --> 00:53:00,776
Chairs.

988
00:53:01,945 --> 00:53:02,878
Books.

989
00:53:03,847 --> 00:53:04,914
All kinds of things.

990
00:53:04,916 --> 00:53:06,081
- what,
you've thrown chairs?

991
00:53:06,083 --> 00:53:07,082
- Oh, sure.

992
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:11,187
I did that.

993
00:53:12,289 --> 00:53:14,657
And all it did, really,

994
00:53:14,659 --> 00:53:18,027
Was scare the kids.

995
00:53:18,762 --> 00:53:21,230
Just scared my wife,

996
00:53:23,099 --> 00:53:25,734
And made me feel bad.

997
00:53:46,323 --> 00:53:47,623
- For hillman, the

998
00:53:47,625 --> 00:53:48,791
Last year of his life

999
00:53:48,793 --> 00:53:50,359
Was not about changing,

1000
00:53:50,361 --> 00:53:51,493
But about trying to keep

1001
00:53:51,495 --> 00:53:53,929
Everything exactly the same.

1002
00:53:56,132 --> 00:54:00,135
He wanted to eat ice cream
with our kids.

1003
00:54:00,137 --> 00:54:02,805
He wanted to work on
the happy film.

1004
00:54:02,807 --> 00:54:05,374
He wanted to
lie in bed and talk.

1005
00:54:05,376 --> 00:54:09,311
And he wanted to have
friends over for dinner.

1006
00:54:11,181 --> 00:54:13,816
Why should I accept death,
he'd ask me,

1007
00:54:13,818 --> 00:54:16,318
When my life is so beautiful?

1008
00:55:14,044 --> 00:55:16,845
- I'm not sad enough.

1009
00:55:19,482 --> 00:55:20,416
I'm sad

1010
00:55:21,484 --> 00:55:23,585
That I'm not sad enough.

1011
00:55:29,592 --> 00:55:33,529
I had a wonderful
conversation with christina.

1012
00:55:38,601 --> 00:55:40,102
She is so honest.

1013
00:55:41,604 --> 00:55:42,905
I really can learn from her.

1014
00:55:42,907 --> 00:55:46,275
I mean, she really goes deep.

1015
00:55:46,277 --> 00:55:48,444
You know, I asked her
how she's doing.

1016
00:55:48,446 --> 00:55:50,579
And she said, well,

1017
00:55:50,581 --> 00:55:53,015
Tess is just thriving.

1018
00:55:53,017 --> 00:55:53,916
Her youngest daughter

1019
00:55:53,918 --> 00:55:55,351
Is just thriving

1020
00:55:56,453 --> 00:55:58,087
Since hillman died.

1021
00:55:58,089 --> 00:56:00,255
What a difficult thing to admit.

1022
00:56:03,860 --> 00:56:05,928
And you notice that it's just,

1023
00:56:05,930 --> 00:56:08,864
There was so much sadness
in their house,

1024
00:56:08,866 --> 00:56:10,799
That it's so great to

1025
00:56:10,801 --> 00:56:12,768
Have that sadness lifted.

1026
00:56:12,770 --> 00:56:14,770
And that, if she's, later on,

1027
00:56:14,772 --> 00:56:16,205
I'm sure that she's
gonna realize

1028
00:56:16,207 --> 00:56:18,841
That she has no dad.

1029
00:56:18,843 --> 00:56:20,275
And there's going to be
difficulties with that.

1030
00:56:20,277 --> 00:56:22,878
But right now, she's thriving.

1031
00:56:23,613 --> 00:56:25,547
And when I said, well,

1032
00:56:26,516 --> 00:56:28,984
Correct me if I'm wrong but,

1033
00:56:28,986 --> 00:56:33,288
I would think that hillman
would be thrilled with that,

1034
00:56:33,290 --> 00:56:35,457
She said, oh, was

1035
00:56:35,459 --> 00:56:36,325
Not quite sure,

1036
00:56:36,327 --> 00:56:37,459
She was sort of quiet, and

1037
00:56:37,461 --> 00:56:39,294
I said, well, or not.

1038
00:56:39,729 --> 00:56:42,698
There's a darkness in all of us.

1039
00:56:42,700 --> 00:56:44,466
And an imperfection.

1040
00:57:33,917 --> 00:57:36,618
- it only hits me now.

1041
00:57:38,087 --> 00:57:39,121
I miss him.

1042
00:57:40,790 --> 00:57:41,890
I really do.

1043
00:57:55,371 --> 00:57:57,706
- Given the information
that we've gathered

1044
00:57:57,708 --> 00:57:59,741
In terms of your genetics,

1045
00:57:59,743 --> 00:58:01,076
I have to say that you're

1046
00:58:01,078 --> 00:58:03,545
Probably the healthiest person

1047
00:58:03,547 --> 00:58:06,882
That I've seen
all week in my practice.

1048
00:58:09,052 --> 00:58:12,488
So let's talk,
then, about anxiety.

1049
00:58:13,556 --> 00:58:16,391
- If I would go into a room

1050
00:58:16,393 --> 00:58:18,060
Where I don't know anybody,

1051
00:58:18,062 --> 00:58:20,295
I can be quite good about that

1052
00:58:20,297 --> 00:58:21,563
With a little bit of a going

1053
00:58:21,565 --> 00:58:23,832
Over a bump, introduce myself.

1054
00:58:23,834 --> 00:58:26,935
Or I can also be
anxious about that.

1055
00:58:27,904 --> 00:58:29,905
- And you don't suffer
from being lonely?

1056
00:58:29,907 --> 00:58:31,306
- no.

1057
00:58:31,308 --> 00:58:32,441
No, I really don't.

1058
00:58:32,443 --> 00:58:33,976
And spending time by yourself

1059
00:58:33,978 --> 00:58:34,810
Is okay?

1060
00:58:34,812 --> 00:58:37,446
- you're okay       in your own company?
- Yes.

1061
00:58:37,448 --> 00:58:39,081
- So, your anxiety levels then

1062
00:58:39,083 --> 00:58:41,950
- I'm a little bit
afraid I'm painting this

1063
00:58:41,952 --> 00:58:43,085
Picture a little bit too rosy.

1064
00:58:43,087 --> 00:58:44,253
I'm afraid at the end I'm not

1065
00:58:44,255 --> 00:58:46,255
Gonna get anything because--

1066
00:58:46,257 --> 00:58:47,923
- well,
we'll talk about it though.

1067
00:58:47,925 --> 00:58:49,758
I mean, if you were coming to me

1068
00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:53,495
And reporting mild
anxiety that you wanted to

1069
00:58:53,497 --> 00:58:55,464
Do something about,

1070
00:58:55,466 --> 00:58:57,933
I wouldn't be opposed
to prescribing

1071
00:58:57,935 --> 00:58:59,801
Something like lexapro

1072
00:58:59,803 --> 00:59:02,504
In a low dose for you,
as a trial.

1073
00:59:02,506 --> 00:59:03,872
- Yeah.

1074
00:59:03,874 --> 00:59:05,774
- But it has side effects.

1075
00:59:05,776 --> 00:59:11,046
- The side effects are dry
mouth, headache, gi upset,

1076
00:59:13,716 --> 00:59:15,684
Anxiety, insomnia--

1077
00:59:15,686 --> 00:59:18,787
That's not a very good
side effect to have, no?

1078
00:59:18,789 --> 00:59:22,224
- These are all possible
side effects.

1079
00:59:22,226 --> 00:59:25,127
98% of the people
who take lexapro

1080
00:59:25,129 --> 00:59:28,463
Feel calmer and feel better.

1081
00:59:28,465 --> 00:59:31,199
The other thing that happens
when you first start a

1082
00:59:31,201 --> 00:59:32,801
Medication like this,

1083
00:59:32,803 --> 00:59:35,237
Your brain is going
through some changes.

1084
00:59:35,239 --> 00:59:38,206
Actually, your neural circuits
are sort of

1085
00:59:38,208 --> 00:59:40,142
Being rearranged.

1086
00:59:40,144 --> 00:59:43,145
If everybody knew
how complicated it was

1087
00:59:43,147 --> 00:59:44,313
And what these drugs do,

1088
00:59:44,315 --> 00:59:46,181
Probably, nobody
would take them.

1089
01:00:15,278 --> 01:00:17,679
- Yeah, this is the second day.

1090
01:00:17,681 --> 01:00:21,516
And I definitely had to

1091
01:00:23,553 --> 01:00:28,323
Schlep myself and force
myself to go running.

1092
01:00:34,631 --> 01:00:38,033
This is four days now
of lexapro.

1093
01:00:38,534 --> 01:00:40,369
And I definitely feel

1094
01:00:41,904 --> 01:00:43,405
Less energetic.

1095
01:00:43,407 --> 01:00:45,073
I sleep more.

1096
01:00:45,075 --> 01:00:47,676
Today I even had blotchy skin.

1097
01:00:48,544 --> 01:00:51,213
There's actually absolutely

1098
01:00:51,215 --> 01:00:53,415
No betterment whatsoever.

1099
01:00:57,787 --> 01:00:58,920
there might be one thing

1100
01:00:58,922 --> 01:01:01,723
That we could alter slightly,

1101
01:01:01,725 --> 01:01:04,226
Rather than having to abandon

1102
01:01:04,228 --> 01:01:05,927
The experiment completely.

1103
01:01:05,929 --> 01:01:07,162
And that would be to

1104
01:01:07,164 --> 01:01:08,964
Change the medicine

1105
01:01:08,966 --> 01:01:10,298
To a nighttime dose.

1106
01:01:10,300 --> 01:01:11,400
- Oh, excellent.

1107
01:01:11,402 --> 01:01:14,169
Meaning that I get lame
at night and lethargic,

1108
01:01:14,171 --> 01:01:16,571
And have the energy
during the day?

1109
01:01:16,573 --> 01:01:17,406
- right.

1110
01:01:17,408 --> 01:01:18,340
- Perfect.

1111
01:01:29,787 --> 01:01:34,856
In all my lethargy, one
wonderful thing happened

1112
01:01:34,858 --> 01:01:37,459
Though and it was that

1113
01:01:37,461 --> 01:01:39,695
A very wonderful interviewer
came over

1114
01:01:39,697 --> 01:01:41,496
To set up an interview for

1115
01:01:41,498 --> 01:01:43,865
Some german arty magazine.

1116
01:01:43,867 --> 01:01:44,800
And...

1117
01:01:46,803 --> 01:01:48,937
We just hit it off.

1118
01:01:48,939 --> 01:01:51,406
There was ample time to talk.

1119
01:01:52,642 --> 01:01:54,276
And she seems so positive.

1120
01:01:54,278 --> 01:01:56,445
And so, we just came

1121
01:01:56,447 --> 01:01:58,046
Back onto the roof

1122
01:01:58,948 --> 01:02:00,282
And stayed up

1123
01:02:00,284 --> 01:02:03,051
Until the sun came up.

1124
01:02:03,053 --> 01:02:06,655
And I'll see her
for dinner again tonight.

1125
01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:15,731
Okay, who are you?

1126
01:02:15,733 --> 01:02:16,732
- Who am I?

1127
01:02:21,170 --> 01:02:24,005
- What do you have
to say about happiness?

1128
01:02:24,007 --> 01:02:25,407
- I enjoy being happy.

1129
01:02:25,409 --> 01:02:27,642
How I came about it is
that I definitely realized

1130
01:02:27,644 --> 01:02:30,345
That I'm not so much in control.

1131
01:02:30,347 --> 01:02:32,848
I'm happy to experience it,
you know,

1132
01:02:32,850 --> 01:02:34,549
There might be moments
where I don't,

1133
01:02:34,551 --> 01:02:36,084
They're not the most

1134
01:02:36,086 --> 01:02:37,385
Desirable moments,

1135
01:02:37,387 --> 01:02:41,523
But at the moment,
I'm doing quite well.

1136
01:02:41,525 --> 01:02:44,426
So I would say bring it on.

1137
01:02:44,428 --> 01:02:45,827
- What I loved
about the book was

1138
01:02:45,829 --> 01:02:49,931
That he very clearly states
that in his experience,

1139
01:02:49,933 --> 01:02:52,267
Three things work the best.

1140
01:02:53,669 --> 01:02:57,038
And I am now speaking
to you on drugs.

1141
01:02:58,175 --> 01:03:01,009
I started this regimen
two weeks ago

1142
01:03:01,011 --> 01:03:02,844
And I truly hated it.

1143
01:03:03,613 --> 01:03:07,682
And then four days ago
I met a girl.

1144
01:03:08,851 --> 01:03:11,286
And that changed everything.

1145
01:03:12,522 --> 01:03:16,358
So, when you're in
between drugs and girls,

1146
01:03:17,693 --> 01:03:19,027
No competition.

1147
01:03:20,396 --> 01:03:21,797
No competition.

1148
01:03:24,935 --> 01:03:26,234
My favorite statistics.

1149
01:03:26,236 --> 01:03:28,703
There's one comparing
companionate love

1150
01:03:28,705 --> 01:03:30,539
To passionate love.

1151
01:03:30,541 --> 01:03:35,177
So, clearly,
I am now in the top level.

1152
01:03:38,314 --> 01:03:40,749
But jonathan says
that in his research,

1153
01:03:40,751 --> 01:03:42,551
This lasts for six months.

1154
01:03:42,553 --> 01:03:44,219
If you look at the whole thing

1155
01:03:44,221 --> 01:03:46,555
From a 60 year perspective,

1156
01:03:48,758 --> 01:03:50,725
The passionate lovers
look pretty silly.

1157
01:03:50,727 --> 01:03:52,460
It looks like
a flash in the pan.

1158
01:03:52,462 --> 01:03:54,229
While the companionate lovers

1159
01:03:54,231 --> 01:03:56,731
Are really the ones that stayed.

1160
01:03:56,733 --> 01:04:03,071
So, if by November, I'm
not so passionate in love

1161
01:04:03,073 --> 01:04:06,441
With the girl
that I met five days ago,

1162
01:04:07,476 --> 01:04:11,079
I don't have to wonder about
it, because it's natural.

1163
01:04:11,081 --> 01:04:12,848
Because if I would have
those kind of dopamines

1164
01:04:12,850 --> 01:04:15,483
In my body for longer
than six months,

1165
01:04:15,485 --> 01:04:19,821
It would actually be
very unhealthy for me.

1166
01:04:19,823 --> 01:04:20,856
- Like, so many people thought

1167
01:04:20,858 --> 01:04:21,823
That it was a performance,

1168
01:04:21,825 --> 01:04:25,126
That it was not real,
that I made you up

1169
01:04:25,128 --> 01:04:27,596
Basically for the talk.

1170
01:04:27,598 --> 01:04:30,932
- Like the whole thing
was kind of, like,
too good to be true.

1171
01:04:30,934 --> 01:04:32,767
- I told you, I was not
lying when I was telling you

1172
01:04:32,769 --> 01:04:35,437
That the pharmaceutical
company hired me.

1173
01:04:35,439 --> 01:04:37,606
It's all business, hun.

1174
01:04:37,608 --> 01:04:42,277
You know, like, and I will
expire in three months.

1175
01:04:42,279 --> 01:04:45,547
- Well, I can
tell you that

1176
01:04:45,549 --> 01:04:47,048
I love big pharma,

1177
01:04:47,050 --> 01:04:48,650
I love big pharma.

1178
01:05:05,134 --> 01:05:08,803
- I have to download
a song from nick cave

1179
01:05:08,805 --> 01:05:10,805
Called into my arms.

1180
01:05:10,807 --> 01:05:14,042
And I knew, wow,
it's all so cheesy,

1181
01:05:14,044 --> 01:05:15,810
But that's gonna be our song.

1182
01:05:15,812 --> 01:05:17,512
I just knew.

1183
01:05:17,514 --> 01:05:21,783
♪ and I don't believe in
the existence of angels ♪

1184
01:05:27,690 --> 01:05:32,994
♪ but looking at you I
wonder if that's true ♪

1185
01:05:34,997 --> 01:05:37,999
♪ to each burn a candle
for you ♪

1186
01:05:38,001 --> 01:05:41,336
♪ to make bright
and clear your path ♪

1187
01:05:41,338 --> 01:05:44,005
♪ and to walk like
christ in grace and love ♪

1188
01:05:44,007 --> 01:05:47,842
♪ and guide you into my arms

1189
01:05:49,845 --> 01:05:54,282
♪ into my arms, o lord

1190
01:05:54,917 --> 01:05:59,454
♪ into my arms, o lord

1191
01:05:59,889 --> 01:06:04,359
♪ into my arms, o lord

1192
01:06:04,361 --> 01:06:05,360
- Happy?

1193
01:06:05,362 --> 01:06:08,063
♪ into my arms

1194
01:06:14,870 --> 01:06:18,540
♪ but I believe in love

1195
01:06:18,542 --> 01:06:21,409
- I asked veza yesterday

1196
01:06:22,912 --> 01:06:23,878
If she wants to get married

1197
01:06:23,880 --> 01:06:25,880
To me and she said yes.

1198
01:06:27,383 --> 01:06:29,784
- I love the idea of
committing to each other.

1199
01:06:29,786 --> 01:06:31,720
And being married to oneself

1200
01:06:31,722 --> 01:06:33,888
And being also married to

1201
01:06:35,157 --> 01:06:37,292
A partner who you truly love.

1202
01:06:37,294 --> 01:06:38,393
And I see that in you.

1203
01:06:38,395 --> 01:06:40,128
You're the first man
who definitely

1204
01:06:40,130 --> 01:06:42,397
Sweeps me off the ground.

1205
01:06:42,399 --> 01:06:45,333
And definitely
takes my breath away.

1206
01:06:45,335 --> 01:06:46,267
And, you know, makes my

1207
01:06:46,269 --> 01:06:48,536
Heart go boom, boom, boom.

1208
01:06:49,472 --> 01:06:50,739
Yeah.

1209
01:06:50,741 --> 01:06:53,141
You know, I really love you.

1210
01:06:53,143 --> 01:06:54,242
I really do.

1211
01:06:55,945 --> 01:06:57,245
So, enough now.

1212
01:06:57,247 --> 01:06:58,913
- I love you back.

1213
01:06:58,915 --> 01:07:01,082
- on three.

1214
01:07:01,084 --> 01:07:02,017
One, two.

1215
01:07:05,187 --> 01:07:06,821
- I used to say
that this is so stupid,

1216
01:07:06,823 --> 01:07:09,791
Expecting the girl
to be great in bed,

1217
01:07:09,793 --> 01:07:11,593
Be kind, be intelligent,

1218
01:07:11,595 --> 01:07:13,361
Funny, beautiful.

1219
01:07:13,363 --> 01:07:15,997
The crazy thing
is that she is it.

1220
01:07:15,999 --> 01:07:17,332
I didn't think that
there was somebody

1221
01:07:17,334 --> 01:07:18,933
That perfect out there.

1222
01:07:18,935 --> 01:07:20,635
I've never been
so in love in my life.

1223
01:07:20,637 --> 01:07:21,770
Never.

1224
01:07:21,772 --> 01:07:24,939
I asked her to marry me
and she said yes.

1225
01:07:24,941 --> 01:07:26,441
This is all after 10 days,

1226
01:07:26,443 --> 01:07:28,043
And this is the first woman
in my life

1227
01:07:28,045 --> 01:07:30,678
That I've ever asked
to marry me.

1228
01:07:30,680 --> 01:07:31,780
- Oh, my gosh.

1229
01:07:31,782 --> 01:07:34,682
- so, it's,
suddenly there is that,

1230
01:07:34,684 --> 01:07:36,885
Even though I never expected it.

1231
01:07:36,887 --> 01:07:38,787
Or at least not consciously
expected it.

1232
01:07:38,789 --> 01:07:39,721
I think unconsciously

1233
01:07:39,723 --> 01:07:40,789
Of course I wanted it.

1234
01:07:40,791 --> 01:07:41,623
- right.

1235
01:07:41,625 --> 01:07:45,360
- And that's just
eerie in a way.

1236
01:07:45,362 --> 01:07:48,563
- Well, I mean, it may or
may not be a coincidence

1237
01:07:48,565 --> 01:07:51,499
That you met the perfect woman

1238
01:07:51,501 --> 01:07:53,968
During this medication trial.

1239
01:07:53,970 --> 01:07:57,138
You, over the last 49 years

1240
01:07:57,140 --> 01:08:01,543
Have been anxious and
sort of tightly wound.

1241
01:08:01,545 --> 01:08:02,544
This is the first time

1242
01:08:02,546 --> 01:08:04,312
You ever tried anything

1243
01:08:04,314 --> 01:08:06,681
That took away that anxiety.

1244
01:08:06,683 --> 01:08:09,084
So maybe it's opened you up.

1245
01:08:09,086 --> 01:08:11,152
I'm much more sharing.

1246
01:08:11,154 --> 01:08:13,421
I talk much more
than I normally would.

1247
01:08:13,423 --> 01:08:16,391
I stopped eating, I lost
15 pounds in the meantime.

1248
01:08:16,393 --> 01:08:19,227
I sleep very little, between
three and five hours a day.

1249
01:08:19,229 --> 01:08:20,662
And I have incredible energy.

1250
01:08:20,664 --> 01:08:22,764
Like, my work
is going fantastic.

1251
01:08:22,766 --> 01:08:24,499
- are you using
more caffeine?

1252
01:08:24,501 --> 01:08:27,735
Yeah, I mean, yesterday I'm
sure I had 15 espressos.

1253
01:08:27,737 --> 01:08:29,204
- 15?

1254
01:08:29,206 --> 01:08:30,638
- yeah.

1255
01:08:42,518 --> 01:08:44,619
can I see this on you?

1256
01:08:44,621 --> 01:08:46,821
- oh, sure.

1257
01:08:51,527 --> 01:08:54,429
- Yeah, smaller one it is.

1258
01:08:54,431 --> 01:08:55,463
Number six.

1259
01:09:04,907 --> 01:09:09,043
- No, I think just
espresso, just as it is.

1260
01:09:09,045 --> 01:09:10,311
- What's this?

1261
01:09:12,314 --> 01:09:14,649
You've gotta be kidding me?

1262
01:09:18,053 --> 01:09:20,388
- well, let's see.

1263
01:09:21,257 --> 01:09:22,557
- So, it's official now, yeah?

1264
01:09:22,559 --> 01:09:24,325
- Uh huh.
- It's beautiful.

1265
01:09:36,071 --> 01:09:39,440
- I'm having
all of her birthmarks

1266
01:09:39,442 --> 01:09:41,643
Tattooed on my arm.

1267
01:09:41,645 --> 01:09:45,580
And she's having all of
mine tattooed on hers.

1268
01:09:52,254 --> 01:09:53,855
- okay, can you hear?

1269
01:09:53,857 --> 01:09:55,523
- can you hear us?
- Are we all ready?

1270
01:09:55,525 --> 01:09:56,758
I can hear us fine too.

1271
01:09:56,760 --> 01:09:58,593
- Yeah, check, check, one, two.

1272
01:09:58,595 --> 01:09:59,761
- check,
yep, we're good.

1273
01:09:59,763 --> 01:10:03,097
How do you feel about
all the filming?

1274
01:10:03,099 --> 01:10:04,199
- Me, personally?

1275
01:10:04,201 --> 01:10:06,267
Very comfortable.

1276
01:10:06,269 --> 01:10:07,835
I think it feels
very natural to me

1277
01:10:07,837 --> 01:10:12,273
Because I really wanna
support stefan's happiness,

1278
01:10:12,275 --> 01:10:14,676
And of course I wanna
support him in his work.

1279
01:10:14,678 --> 01:10:17,145
And it's been a big
topic for me, happiness.

1280
01:10:17,147 --> 01:10:18,713
- veza,
you said you know

1281
01:10:18,715 --> 01:10:20,481
About these three experiments.

1282
01:10:20,483 --> 01:10:23,117
- so, we've done
two of the experiments.

1283
01:10:23,119 --> 01:10:26,821
And here we are
amidst the third.
- Which I ruined, basically.

1284
01:10:26,823 --> 01:10:28,389
- tell me about it.

1285
01:10:28,391 --> 01:10:31,693
Fall out of love with you
because the whole thing

1286
01:10:31,695 --> 01:10:33,461
Could be a drug induced--

1287
01:10:33,463 --> 01:10:35,063
- Not at all.

1288
01:10:35,065 --> 01:10:37,732
- but I've only known
you the way I've known you.

1289
01:10:37,734 --> 01:10:40,168
How is it for you guys
to see me with stefan?

1290
01:10:40,170 --> 01:10:44,038
I think this is actually
interesting to ask you guys.

1291
01:10:44,040 --> 01:10:47,008
- I've never seen stefan
as happy as he's been.

1292
01:10:47,010 --> 01:10:49,477
Almost recklessly happy.

1293
01:10:49,479 --> 01:10:51,145
- do you think
that's lexapro?

1294
01:10:51,147 --> 01:10:52,380
- Do I think it's lexapro?

1295
01:10:52,382 --> 01:10:53,681
This, you're concerned.

1296
01:10:53,683 --> 01:10:54,916
- no, I'm not concerned.

1297
01:10:54,918 --> 01:10:56,818
- I just saw it    in your face a little bit.
-            - no.

1298
01:10:58,153 --> 01:10:59,254
- I mean,
you clearly have

1299
01:10:59,256 --> 01:11:00,421
Doubts about all of this.

1300
01:11:00,423 --> 01:11:02,190
- I'm just trying
to ask the questions

1301
01:11:02,192 --> 01:11:03,191
That I think you would ask

1302
01:11:03,193 --> 01:11:05,426
If you were standing
where I was standing.

1303
01:11:05,428 --> 01:11:08,062
- what would
you think if you heard

1304
01:11:08,064 --> 01:11:10,698
Three months ago
I started taking lexapro,

1305
01:11:10,700 --> 01:11:12,767
I was terribly depressed
for a week.

1306
01:11:12,769 --> 01:11:15,570
I met a woman,
I fell completely in love,

1307
01:11:15,572 --> 01:11:18,273
And we're going to get married.

1308
01:11:19,675 --> 01:11:21,109
- Oh, crazy.

1309
01:11:21,111 --> 01:11:22,410
Another person, crazy.

1310
01:11:22,412 --> 01:11:23,711
Me, it's different.

1311
01:11:23,713 --> 01:11:27,015
Because I have an
immediate experience of me.

1312
01:11:27,017 --> 01:11:28,850
And I know how it went.

1313
01:11:28,852 --> 01:11:31,085
I've never been so happy.

1314
01:11:31,087 --> 01:11:34,522
I mean, you know, I have
never had in my life,

1315
01:11:34,524 --> 01:11:36,391
Yeah, I probably had
a day that I would say

1316
01:11:36,393 --> 01:11:38,092
That was like a number 10 day,

1317
01:11:38,094 --> 01:11:39,560
Like a 10 out of 10.

1318
01:11:39,562 --> 01:11:42,997
But I've had 10 days
like this in a row.

1319
01:11:46,101 --> 01:11:48,202
- unbelievable.

1320
01:11:48,204 --> 01:11:49,404
And too good to be true.

1321
01:11:49,406 --> 01:11:50,571
- Yeah, yeah.

1322
01:11:52,574 --> 01:11:56,477
And as we both know, normally,

1323
01:11:56,479 --> 01:11:59,380
In my experience,
every single time,

1324
01:11:59,382 --> 01:12:02,717
Too good to be true
means exactly that.

1325
01:12:04,453 --> 01:12:06,054
- yeah, I mean,
I think it's fascinating

1326
01:12:06,056 --> 01:12:09,457
How you know about this
concept of romantic love

1327
01:12:09,459 --> 01:12:11,225
And companionate love.

1328
01:12:11,227 --> 01:12:15,496
And it's like you're aware
scientifically of the timeline.

1329
01:12:16,899 --> 01:12:22,470
- the only part
of the rider-elephant duo
that knows, is the rider.

1330
01:12:22,472 --> 01:12:24,472
The elephant doesn't
give a shit about this,

1331
01:12:24,474 --> 01:12:25,740
About this knowledge.

1332
01:12:25,742 --> 01:12:27,575
The elephant just does
what he wants.

1333
01:12:27,577 --> 01:12:28,943
The elephant falls in love

1334
01:12:28,945 --> 01:12:33,481
Totally and crazily and

1335
01:12:33,483 --> 01:12:35,249
And just goes
in that direction.

1336
01:12:35,251 --> 01:12:37,185
The rider is just sort of
sitting on top of the elephant

1337
01:12:37,187 --> 01:12:38,986
Saying, oh, you know,

1338
01:12:38,988 --> 01:12:40,188
Are you really sure?

1339
01:12:40,190 --> 01:12:41,789
You're on drugs.

1340
01:12:41,791 --> 01:12:44,759
And the elephant just goes.

1341
01:12:44,761 --> 01:12:46,094
- yeah.

1342
01:14:05,340 --> 01:14:07,375
- so, baby, we
had a fight today, no?

1343
01:14:07,377 --> 01:14:09,210
In the morning or,

1344
01:14:09,212 --> 01:14:11,212
Yeah, I think you can
call it a fight.

1345
01:14:11,214 --> 01:14:12,046
What do you think?

1346
01:14:12,048 --> 01:14:13,781
- I don't think it was a fight.

1347
01:14:13,783 --> 01:14:15,683
You should see me fight.

1348
01:14:15,685 --> 01:14:16,884
- yeah?

1349
01:14:16,886 --> 01:14:20,087
- no

1350
01:14:20,089 --> 01:14:21,289
Yeah, we did.

1351
01:14:23,692 --> 01:14:28,229
And look at we
are still here.

1352
01:14:28,231 --> 01:14:31,499
- I'm about
a week off drugs.

1353
01:14:33,368 --> 01:14:36,370
And right now
I'm not doing well.

1354
01:14:36,372 --> 01:14:38,539
- let's hear
what's been going on.

1355
01:14:38,541 --> 01:14:41,108
- It's been not great,
I have to say.

1356
01:14:41,110 --> 01:14:42,577
In general, when it's not been,

1357
01:14:42,579 --> 01:14:43,978
The outer circumstances

1358
01:14:43,980 --> 01:14:45,913
Haven't been that fantastic,

1359
01:14:45,915 --> 01:14:48,716
I surely haven't been
fantastic either.

1360
01:14:48,718 --> 01:14:52,053
- I'm not sure
that the lexapro

1361
01:14:52,055 --> 01:14:53,321
In your system

1362
01:14:54,456 --> 01:14:59,160
Was really the true you.

1363
01:14:59,162 --> 01:15:01,562
What's going on in terms
of the relationship?

1364
01:15:01,564 --> 01:15:03,998
- Not as ecstatic as it was.

1365
01:15:04,967 --> 01:15:06,734
- well,
maybe it's normalizing.

1366
01:15:06,736 --> 01:15:07,969
- Yeah, yeah.

1367
01:15:07,971 --> 01:15:13,508
Level of passion can
continue over the long run.

1368
01:15:13,510 --> 01:15:16,244
- I mean, that's basically
what I had expected.

1369
01:15:16,246 --> 01:15:18,179
Yeah, I don't think that it can.

1370
01:15:18,181 --> 01:15:19,413
- Whenever you make
one of these changes,

1371
01:15:19,415 --> 01:15:21,015
You wanna give it a few months.

1372
01:15:21,017 --> 01:15:22,917
Don't be bouncing around with

1373
01:15:22,919 --> 01:15:24,085
Just four or five weeks off.

1374
01:15:24,087 --> 01:15:26,921
You know, let your brain
and body get back

1375
01:15:26,923 --> 01:15:28,756
To whatever level it's gonna be

1376
01:15:28,758 --> 01:15:30,424
For at least a couple of months.

1377
01:15:30,426 --> 01:15:32,426
And whatever you do,

1378
01:15:32,428 --> 01:15:35,196
Don't break up with veza
in the next few weeks.

1379
01:15:35,198 --> 01:15:36,864
Give it a couple of months.

1380
01:15:36,866 --> 01:15:38,799
Get back to your baseline

1381
01:15:38,801 --> 01:15:39,967
And see how things are.

1382
01:15:39,969 --> 01:15:41,369
- yeah.

1383
01:15:44,640 --> 01:15:45,640
I thank you very, very much

1384
01:15:45,642 --> 01:15:47,174
For coming and for listening.

1385
01:15:47,176 --> 01:15:48,609
What you see here,

1386
01:15:48,611 --> 01:15:50,945
They are part of a whole series

1387
01:15:50,947 --> 01:15:56,317
Of maxims that
I always felt was helpful

1388
01:15:56,319 --> 01:15:58,152
To at least know of

1389
01:15:58,154 --> 01:15:59,320
What I actually have learned

1390
01:15:59,322 --> 01:16:00,855
In my life so far.

1391
01:16:00,857 --> 01:16:04,358
This piece itself, the way
that it works is basically,

1392
01:16:04,360 --> 01:16:05,993
You look through the frame

1393
01:16:05,995 --> 01:16:07,461
And there is a smile detection

1394
01:16:07,463 --> 01:16:09,297
Software here somewhere.

1395
01:16:09,299 --> 01:16:11,232
So if I smile properly

1396
01:16:13,635 --> 01:16:14,468
Yeah,

1397
01:16:14,470 --> 01:16:16,571
It actually does reward me

1398
01:16:16,573 --> 01:16:18,439
By becoming colorful.

1399
01:16:19,741 --> 01:16:20,641
And this is a sentence that

1400
01:16:20,643 --> 01:16:22,710
Came out of cognitive therapy.

1401
01:16:22,712 --> 01:16:25,680
The step up to it,
basically, my therapist saw

1402
01:16:25,682 --> 01:16:29,951
That I'm not quite ready
enough for confrontation.

1403
01:16:38,093 --> 01:16:39,360
The elevators.

1404
01:16:41,496 --> 01:16:43,998
And then a freight elevator

1405
01:16:44,000 --> 01:16:46,334
That opened up differently.

1406
01:16:59,681 --> 01:17:03,951
Press the button and it
tells you what to do next.

1407
01:17:31,313 --> 01:17:33,114
Look, I'll show you
my favorite ones here.

1408
01:17:33,116 --> 01:17:35,383
See the curve?

1409
01:17:35,385 --> 01:17:36,217
- yes.

1410
01:17:36,219 --> 01:17:37,084
- most people feel

1411
01:17:37,086 --> 01:17:38,719
Like a seven or an eight.

1412
01:17:38,721 --> 01:17:39,654
Want one?

1413
01:17:45,761 --> 01:17:47,695
Put a quarter in here.

1414
01:17:48,930 --> 01:17:50,564
It rolls outside.

1415
01:17:50,566 --> 01:17:53,901
Anybody can take it in
front of the museum.

1416
01:17:53,903 --> 01:17:54,969
And this one.

1417
01:17:54,971 --> 01:17:56,070
Companionate love,

1418
01:17:56,072 --> 01:17:57,605
Passionate love.

1419
01:17:57,607 --> 01:17:59,707
And you have six months.

1420
01:18:01,243 --> 01:18:03,778
So, passionate love
does go down.

1421
01:18:03,780 --> 01:18:04,945
And companionate love has

1422
01:18:04,947 --> 01:18:06,614
A possibility to grow.

1423
01:18:06,616 --> 01:18:07,915
So we'll have to transform

1424
01:18:07,917 --> 01:18:10,084
It into companionate love.

1425
01:18:10,086 --> 01:18:11,585
- No, but I already--
- but keeping
some of the passion.

1426
01:18:11,587 --> 01:18:13,954
- But I already feel
companionate love with you,

1427
01:18:13,956 --> 01:18:16,190
From the beginning.

1428
01:18:18,293 --> 01:18:21,529
- This is what I have
to expect with you?
- Mm-hm.

1429
01:18:21,531 --> 01:18:23,130
- Yeah?
- Mm-hm.

1430
01:18:25,200 --> 01:18:26,967
- I think so.

1431
01:18:26,969 --> 01:18:29,470
I mean, I haven't been there.

1432
01:18:30,338 --> 01:18:32,139
No, but in the past,
it's sort of like it was

1433
01:18:32,141 --> 01:18:33,641
My pattern, you know?

1434
01:18:33,643 --> 01:18:35,309
Roughly.
- Well, then break it.

1435
01:18:35,311 --> 01:18:37,945
- I don't think
it's breakable, baby.

1436
01:18:37,947 --> 01:18:39,313
I think it's human.

1437
01:18:39,315 --> 01:18:40,414
- no.

1438
01:18:43,151 --> 01:18:45,286
- and I don't
have expectations

1439
01:18:45,288 --> 01:18:49,924
That it's gonna go on
in that sort of passionate level
forever.

1440
01:18:51,226 --> 01:18:54,295
And I think that that's good.

1441
01:18:54,297 --> 01:18:55,162
- You know what the difference

1442
01:18:55,164 --> 01:18:56,030
Between me and you is?

1443
01:18:56,032 --> 01:18:57,631
I don't even think about it.

1444
01:18:57,633 --> 01:18:58,466
I'm here now.

1445
01:18:58,468 --> 01:18:59,500
That's the difference.

1446
01:18:59,502 --> 01:19:00,801
- And I, of course,
have to think about it

1447
01:19:00,803 --> 01:19:02,970
Because, you know,
I did all that.

1448
01:19:02,972 --> 01:19:04,472
You know, I've been dealing

1449
01:19:04,474 --> 01:19:06,841
With all this research for--

1450
01:19:06,843 --> 01:19:09,143
- I know.
- A long time now.

1451
01:19:09,145 --> 01:19:11,812
In general,
a problem with relationships

1452
01:19:11,814 --> 01:19:14,548
Is that the expectations
are too high.

1453
01:19:14,550 --> 01:19:16,317
Or that one of the reasons
why my parents

1454
01:19:16,319 --> 01:19:18,519
Had such
a great marriage, I think,

1455
01:19:18,521 --> 01:19:20,354
Is because they didn't really

1456
01:19:20,356 --> 01:19:22,556
Have a lot of expectations.

1457
01:19:22,558 --> 01:19:24,992
They didn't know each
other very well and--

1458
01:19:24,994 --> 01:19:27,828
- No, I see that,
no, I see that.

1459
01:19:29,831 --> 01:19:31,365
- Good.

1460
01:19:31,367 --> 01:19:33,267
Let's leave it there.

1461
01:19:36,538 --> 01:19:37,938
I'm like afraid

1462
01:19:38,707 --> 01:19:40,975
To provoke more arguments.

1463
01:20:37,465 --> 01:20:40,601
- Welcome to
the sacred ceremony.

1464
01:20:40,603 --> 01:20:42,570
To this beautiful opportunity

1465
01:20:42,572 --> 01:20:46,574
To leave our old self behind.

1466
01:20:46,576 --> 01:20:50,678
Your life will be
in line with nature.

1467
01:20:53,114 --> 01:20:57,384
- veza's model
friend suggested ayahuasca.

1468
01:20:58,253 --> 01:21:01,522
I agreed
and we tried it out together.

1469
01:21:07,429 --> 01:21:08,529
- Your eyes.

1470
01:21:09,431 --> 01:21:11,198
it made no difference.

1471
01:21:11,200 --> 01:21:13,968
Every month we had a fight

1472
01:21:13,970 --> 01:21:18,272
That went all the way
to the edge, basically,

1473
01:21:18,274 --> 01:21:19,874
Where we broke up.

1474
01:21:23,178 --> 01:21:24,612
- I feel like,
okay, whoa,

1475
01:21:24,614 --> 01:21:28,616
What did I do that you're
so irritated with me?

1476
01:21:30,619 --> 01:21:32,453
Well, I'm just saying
I want you to be happy

1477
01:21:32,455 --> 01:21:34,321
With what we do and whatnot.

1478
01:21:34,323 --> 01:21:36,156
- Oh, yeah, no, no,
absolutely, yeah.

1479
01:21:36,158 --> 01:21:37,558
- Good to know.

1480
01:21:44,900 --> 01:21:46,367
- it's a little bit like,

1481
01:21:46,369 --> 01:21:48,202
And I'm really scared in a way

1482
01:21:48,204 --> 01:21:51,639
That this will turn you off.

1483
01:21:51,641 --> 01:21:53,240
Because, you know,

1484
01:21:54,376 --> 01:21:56,410
I mean, simply, if you
don't get along with me,

1485
01:21:56,412 --> 01:22:00,514
Then why would you wanna
stay with me, you know?

1486
01:22:05,153 --> 01:22:07,988
- I think I said that wrong.

1487
01:22:07,990 --> 01:22:11,659
That I don't think that
we don't get along.

1488
01:22:40,855 --> 01:22:42,957
♪

1489
01:22:53,368 --> 01:22:56,537
another big fight today.

1490
01:22:56,539 --> 01:22:57,871
In the morning.

1491
01:22:59,374 --> 01:23:01,775
Very close to the edge.

1492
01:23:01,777 --> 01:23:05,346
And veza asked me afterwards

1493
01:23:07,415 --> 01:23:10,250
If I still wanted
to get married.

1494
01:23:11,386 --> 01:23:15,556
And I didn't really know
what else to do,

1495
01:23:15,558 --> 01:23:18,525
So I made another
pro and con list.

1496
01:23:21,229 --> 01:23:22,663
Getting married.

1497
01:23:23,898 --> 01:23:25,399
Pro, four points.

1498
01:23:27,068 --> 01:23:29,003
Against, seven points.

1499
01:23:35,777 --> 01:23:38,712
- Such a crazy thing
that we were.

1500
01:23:40,415 --> 01:23:45,085
Such a fantastic
falling in love couple.

1501
01:23:45,087 --> 01:23:46,820
I mean, I've never

1502
01:23:46,822 --> 01:23:50,324
Fallen so hard

1503
01:23:50,326 --> 01:23:53,627
And so deeply in love.

1504
01:23:55,597 --> 01:23:58,699
And we are not a

1505
01:23:59,100 --> 01:24:01,301
Companionate love couple.

1506
01:24:13,281 --> 01:24:14,448
you know, here you are.

1507
01:24:14,450 --> 01:24:16,817
You set off
to do this science experiment.

1508
01:24:16,819 --> 01:24:20,721
In my office two years ago,
three years ago,
whatever it was,

1509
01:24:20,723 --> 01:24:21,889
When we were talking about this

1510
01:24:21,891 --> 01:24:23,791
What was clear
was that your weaknesses

1511
01:24:23,793 --> 01:24:26,360
Were about
interpersonal connection

1512
01:24:26,362 --> 01:24:28,228
And commitment and gratitude.

1513
01:24:28,230 --> 01:24:29,563
And I think I even said,

1514
01:24:29,565 --> 01:24:30,998
You can go back
and look at the footage,

1515
01:24:31,000 --> 01:24:33,133
I think I even said
something like,

1516
01:24:33,135 --> 01:24:34,168
Well, it would
be interesting to see

1517
01:24:34,170 --> 01:24:35,235
If you fall in love during

1518
01:24:35,237 --> 01:24:38,172
- yeah.
- Because this is where        your weakness is.

1519
01:24:38,174 --> 01:24:39,740
And so, you did fall in love.

1520
01:24:39,742 --> 01:24:40,974
Three times.

1521
01:24:40,976 --> 01:24:43,577
And you go off and
you're doing meditation,

1522
01:24:43,579 --> 01:24:46,680
And bang, this--
a relationship,

1523
01:24:46,682 --> 01:24:49,683
Which blows out of the
water any possibility

1524
01:24:49,685 --> 01:24:51,885
To measure whether, okay,

1525
01:24:51,887 --> 01:24:53,654
That's a little bit funny.

1526
01:24:53,656 --> 01:24:55,422
And then you go and you
do cognitive therapy,

1527
01:24:55,424 --> 01:24:57,057
And the same thing happens.

1528
01:24:57,059 --> 01:24:57,891
- yeah.

1529
01:24:57,893 --> 01:24:58,725
- Now it gets funnier.

1530
01:24:58,727 --> 01:24:59,993
And a joke always has,

1531
01:24:59,995 --> 01:25:01,528
You know, three sections.

1532
01:25:01,530 --> 01:25:05,199
So the fact that
it happens three times,

1533
01:25:05,201 --> 01:25:09,336
Stefan, this should
be a movie about

1534
01:25:09,338 --> 01:25:12,840
You and your weaknesses,

1535
01:25:12,842 --> 01:25:15,442
And your attempts to fix them.

1536
01:25:18,880 --> 01:25:21,515
- oh fuck, this is
gonna be such a nightmare

1537
01:25:21,517 --> 01:25:23,650
To figure this movie out.

1538
01:25:26,187 --> 01:25:30,157
I started out to get some
really clear answers.

1539
01:25:32,293 --> 01:25:33,627
And what I got back

1540
01:25:33,629 --> 01:25:36,230
Is a bunch of mush.

1541
01:25:37,599 --> 01:25:38,398
- {jonathan]
what have you learned

1542
01:25:38,400 --> 01:25:40,134
About the causes of happiness?

1543
01:25:40,136 --> 01:25:41,368
Do you have
a better understanding

1544
01:25:41,370 --> 01:25:43,470
Of what makes you happy?

1545
01:25:45,640 --> 01:25:47,241
- I didn't wanna make a film

1546
01:25:47,243 --> 01:25:49,209
About questions.

1547
01:25:49,211 --> 01:25:50,310
And I hate all this stuff.

1548
01:25:50,312 --> 01:25:51,979
Oh, it's not about the answers.

1549
01:25:51,981 --> 01:25:54,448
It's about the right questions.

1550
01:25:54,450 --> 01:25:55,983
Blah, blah, blah.

1551
01:26:02,490 --> 01:26:03,423
Fuck.

1552
01:26:05,927 --> 01:26:08,095
This is a total disaster.

1553
01:26:12,133 --> 01:26:13,767
♪ everything ain't going

1554
01:26:13,769 --> 01:26:16,003
♪ the way I planned

1555
01:26:16,005 --> 01:26:17,971
♪ everything ain't going

1556
01:26:17,973 --> 01:26:20,140
♪ the way I planned

1557
01:26:20,142 --> 01:26:22,242
♪ everything ain't going

1558
01:26:22,244 --> 01:26:24,478
♪ the way I planned

1559
01:26:24,480 --> 01:26:26,346
♪ so I'm gonna sit

1560
01:26:26,348 --> 01:26:28,081
♪ myself down right here

1561
01:26:28,083 --> 01:26:30,918
♪ and see--

1562
01:26:30,920 --> 01:26:32,286
- Trying to look good

1563
01:26:32,288 --> 01:26:33,687
Limits my life.

1564
01:26:34,856 --> 01:26:37,824
I know, but I'm getting
getting very concerned

1565
01:26:37,826 --> 01:26:40,427
About how I look in this film.

1566
01:26:43,464 --> 01:26:44,698
I'm a 50 year old guy who dates

1567
01:26:44,700 --> 01:26:46,733
Women 20 years younger.

1568
01:26:48,102 --> 01:26:49,937
And calls them girls.

1569
01:26:51,806 --> 01:26:54,841
I just spent the past
six years of my life

1570
01:26:54,843 --> 01:26:57,044
Working on this thing

1571
01:26:57,046 --> 01:26:59,913
That says I'm an asshole.

1572
01:27:00,848 --> 01:27:04,284
What a great use of my time.

1573
01:27:07,488 --> 01:27:11,758
I should have stuck to
chairs made out of letters.

1574
01:27:15,964 --> 01:27:18,131
- so, you
chose the three techniques

1575
01:27:18,133 --> 01:27:21,235
That I describe in chapter two
of the book

1576
01:27:21,237 --> 01:27:23,036
For changing the elephant.

1577
01:27:23,038 --> 01:27:25,305
But your problem
wasn't the elephant.

1578
01:27:25,307 --> 01:27:27,474
You could just as well
have chosen

1579
01:27:27,476 --> 01:27:30,477
The three aspects of between.

1580
01:27:30,479 --> 01:27:34,314
So, what if you had worked
on your relationships?

1581
01:27:34,316 --> 01:27:35,682
And worked on the satisfaction

1582
01:27:35,684 --> 01:27:37,217
You get from work?

1583
01:27:37,219 --> 01:27:40,187
And tried to get involved

1584
01:27:40,189 --> 01:27:42,589
With some sort of larger project

1585
01:27:42,591 --> 01:27:45,926
In the company of people that
you really like and respect?

1586
01:27:45,928 --> 01:27:48,862
That would be changing the
conditions of your life

1587
01:27:48,864 --> 01:27:51,999
In ways that, I would predict,

1588
01:27:52,001 --> 01:27:53,700
Happiness would then follow

1589
01:27:53,702 --> 01:27:56,136
As you got a better between.

1590
01:27:59,040 --> 01:28:01,241
- well, in a way,

1591
01:28:01,243 --> 01:28:04,278
That has been
what I've been doing.

1592
01:28:05,380 --> 01:28:08,115
I mean, I definitely

1593
01:28:08,117 --> 01:28:10,550
Worked on my relationships.

1594
01:28:10,552 --> 01:28:13,720
Not all that successfully,
but I did.

1595
01:28:15,857 --> 01:28:19,593
And I have been more
satisfied with my work.

1596
01:28:19,595 --> 01:28:22,195
The happy show
was a big success.

1597
01:28:22,197 --> 01:28:26,733
I mean, almost a 1/4 of
a million came to see it.

1598
01:28:26,735 --> 01:28:29,136
And this whole film project

1599
01:28:29,871 --> 01:28:33,206
Surely feels larger than me.

1600
01:28:34,075 --> 01:28:37,878
Basically outside of my control.

1601
01:28:38,413 --> 01:28:43,417
Like I'm the rider
and it's the elephant.

1602
01:28:48,423 --> 01:28:54,094
This film started as a graphic
design project six years ago.

1603
01:28:54,096 --> 01:28:58,198
And somehow
it all became about me.

1604
01:29:00,268 --> 01:29:02,636
I guess I could have
continued designing stuff

1605
01:29:02,638 --> 01:29:05,072
That I know how to do.

1606
01:29:05,074 --> 01:29:06,106
It would have been

1607
01:29:06,108 --> 01:29:08,108
So much easier.

1608
01:29:08,110 --> 01:29:12,112
Trying to chase after
something more meaningful

1609
01:29:13,147 --> 01:29:16,516
Turned out to be
a big pain in the ass.

1610
01:29:18,753 --> 01:29:19,953
But it also did

1611
01:29:19,955 --> 01:29:21,922
Make my life fuller.

1612
01:29:21,924 --> 01:29:23,123
♪ everything ain't going

1613
01:29:23,125 --> 01:29:24,124
♪ the way I planned

1614
01:29:24,126 --> 01:29:26,093
♪ everything ain't going

1615
01:29:26,095 --> 01:29:28,328
♪ the way I planned

1616
01:29:28,330 --> 01:29:30,430
♪ everything ain't going

1617
01:29:30,432 --> 01:29:33,533
♪ the way I planned

1618
01:29:35,603 --> 01:29:37,838
- So what's the purpose,

1619
01:29:37,840 --> 01:29:39,873
Why am I actually here?

1620
01:29:43,544 --> 01:29:46,179
I guess it would be
to do something

1621
01:29:46,181 --> 01:29:49,716
That either delights

1622
01:29:49,718 --> 01:29:51,651
Or helps other people.

1623
01:29:52,653 --> 01:29:55,021
Or simply finding something

1624
01:29:55,023 --> 01:29:57,124
That's bigger than myself,

1625
01:29:57,126 --> 01:29:59,393
And dedicate myself to it.

1626
01:30:03,131 --> 01:30:06,233
I'm still blowing air
into balloons.

1627
01:30:11,472 --> 01:30:13,640
Trusting, somehow, into

1628
01:30:13,642 --> 01:30:15,742
The lightness of things.

1629
01:30:16,811 --> 01:30:18,812
Believing it will work.

1630
01:30:28,256 --> 01:30:29,990
There's a shitload

1631
01:30:29,992 --> 01:30:31,491
Of possibilities.

1632
01:30:34,996 --> 01:30:39,166
One day it will be me up there.

1633
01:30:44,072 --> 01:30:45,105
I will fly.

1634
01:30:48,443 --> 01:30:50,210
Let's go.

1635
01:31:24,745 --> 01:31:27,147
♪ everything ain't going

1636
01:31:27,149 --> 01:31:30,383
♪ the way I had planned

1637
01:31:30,385 --> 01:31:32,786
♪ everything ain't going

1638
01:31:32,788 --> 01:31:35,989
♪ the way I had planned

1639
01:31:35,991 --> 01:31:39,292
♪ just gonna sit there

1640
01:31:39,294 --> 01:31:42,729
♪ sit down and write it

1641
01:31:42,731 --> 01:31:47,834
♪ see what happens

1642
01:31:47,836 --> 01:31:49,903
♪ to me

1643
01:31:49,905 --> 01:31:52,572
♪ if I don't do

1644
01:31:52,574 --> 01:31:56,176
♪ a god damn thing at all

1645
01:32:03,651 --> 01:32:06,253
♪ everything ain't going

1646
01:32:06,255 --> 01:32:09,256
♪ the way I planned

1647
01:32:09,258 --> 01:32:11,758
♪ everything ain't going

1648
01:32:11,760 --> 01:32:14,628
♪ the way I planned

1649
01:32:14,630 --> 01:32:17,430
♪ so I'm gonna sit down

1650
01:32:17,432 --> 01:32:21,201
♪ sit down right here

1651
01:32:21,203 --> 01:32:24,571
♪ and see what happens

1652
01:32:26,207 --> 01:32:29,476
♪ to me if I don't do

1653
01:32:30,945 --> 01:32:34,648
♪ a god damned thing at all

1654
01:32:42,123 --> 01:32:44,124
♪ everything ain't going

1655
01:32:44,126 --> 01:32:46,960
♪ the way I planned

1656
01:32:46,962 --> 01:32:49,629
♪ everything ain't going

1657
01:32:49,631 --> 01:32:52,299
♪ the way I planned

1658
01:32:52,301 --> 01:32:55,535
♪ so I'm going to sit my

1659
01:32:55,537 --> 01:32:58,972
♪ self down right here

1660
01:32:58,974 --> 01:33:02,342
♪ and see what happens

1661
01:33:03,878 --> 01:33:07,814
♪ to me if I don't do

1662
01:33:07,816 --> 01:33:11,418
♪ a god damn thing at all

1663
01:33:28,002 --> 01:33:29,936
♪ everything ain't going

1664
01:33:29,938 --> 01:33:32,906
♪ the way I planned

1665
01:33:32,908 --> 01:33:35,342
♪ everything ain't going

1666
01:33:35,344 --> 01:33:38,278
♪ the way I had planned

1667
01:33:38,280 --> 01:33:40,847
♪ everything ain't going

1668
01:33:40,849 --> 01:33:44,184
♪ the way I had planned

1669
01:33:44,186 --> 01:33:46,219
♪ everything ain't going

1670
01:33:46,221 --> 01:33:48,922
♪ the way I had planned

1671
01:33:48,924 --> 01:33:52,125
♪ so I'm going to sit my

1672
01:33:52,127 --> 01:33:55,228
♪ self down right here

1673
01:33:55,230 --> 01:33:59,065
♪ and see what happens to me

1674
01:34:02,303 --> 01:34:05,138
♪ if I don't do a

1675
01:34:05,140 --> 01:34:08,575
♪ god damn thing at all

1676
01:34:16,217 --> 01:34:18,118
♪ everything ain't going

1677
01:34:18,120 --> 01:34:20,987
♪ the way I had planned

1678
01:34:20,989 --> 01:34:23,590
♪ everything ain't going

1679
01:34:23,592 --> 01:34:26,559
♪ the way I had planned

1680
01:34:26,561 --> 01:34:29,462
♪ so I'm gonna sit

1681
01:34:29,464 --> 01:34:32,766
♪ myself down right here

1682
01:34:32,768 --> 01:34:36,102
♪ and see what happens

1683
01:34:37,738 --> 01:34:41,307
♪ to me if I don't do

1684
01:34:41,309 --> 01:34:45,011
♪ a god damn thing at all