MUNCH

The pale-faced, baby-faced man in a suit beckoned at me to enter his study, milk dripping from his wire mustache. -Please, please, have a seat my good sir. He took a long slurping-sip from a full spoon. -The effect of whole milk--as opposed to skim or two-percent--on a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats is simply transformative. A humble bowl of cereal transfigured from a snack to a meal. Would you fancy a spoonful?

Having smelled his breath I was forced to decline. At my refusal he shoved the spoon into his mouth and sucked it dry.

-I, munch moinch, only use the spoon, munch munchymoinch, here as a courtesy to you. I forsook it long ago in favor of imbibing the nectar straight from the bowl. Much more satisfying, much more efficient delivery method. And the fiber is lovely for the journey out. Don't let my paunch fool you, I've never felt his healthy in my, buuuuuuurp, life. Excuse me. But a small inconvenience for the security and upkeep of a firm constitution. Watch this--and here he took a gallon of whole milk from the floor in each hand and lifted them above his head. Quite impressive, no?

-...Certainly. But doesn't it go bad leaving it out like that? And what of the many boxes of your cereal lining the wall?

-For too long, of course. But these are, and here the magician reveals his trick, only half-full, were full but ten minutes ago, and will soon be emptied at the conclusion of my lunch, during which you have been quite rude to interrupt me.

-Sir, I made an appointment.

-Buuuuuuuuuurp, be gone!

With this I left him alone to enjoy his cereal and later resolved the issue I wished to discuss with him alone.