Sarah Oliger <sarah.k.oliger@gmail.com>

Mon, Mar 25, 5:46 PM (7 days ago)

I'm copying this text I sent you because I know you were in the process of blocking me when I wrote it.

However you choose to receive this, or what you decide to do now or in the future regarding this, I'll let it be after this unless you come to me saying otherwise.

The text:

"Please, Kat, let me say one last thing.

I hope you didn't block me here.

I recognize how I've made you feel and I'm very sorry for it.

I also finally do understand why an rs with the two of us would never work. I get it.

But if you feel at some point that friendship could still be possible, I'll be here. If not, it will suck but I'll understand."

I've tried my best, and though that may not have been good enough, I still would want to keep trying if you ever felt it was possible. Our friendship has meant the world to me. I want to believe I'm up to the task of being a proper friend to you, but if you never feel that way again, then at least know that I'm grateful for our friendship up until now.


Bombs Away

Tue, Mar 26, 9:09 PM (6 days ago)

You helped ruin my relationship. Do you know that? If it weren’t for you pushing your god damn relationship garbage down my throat, I wouldn’t have felt I had come to Patrick with it, because I needed someone to listen to me that would help me as a united front to block your further actions. What does he do instead? Ask how it will affect his linkshell and how he can help make you and I friends. Lul. Imagine, that. He and I had a chance. Maybe. Even if we fought about something else and he didn’t support me about it at some point down the line, we had a chance. You and your bullshit, your passive “who me?” Innocent bullshit demeanor just helped make everything more clear, how incredibly ridiculous and selfish you both are. Whatever pleasures you guys, right? Never me, or my needs, or wants. You both broke my heart, so thank you for that. Thank you for reminding me that when I had a little hope left, someone will always have an angle or a reason to let you down. I’m going back to my normal life and consider you both a huge mistake. As far as I’m concerned, you both let me down as friends and were too busy with your own interests to give a shit about what I wanted or needed or how I felt. I’ve spent too long caring about other people’s needs and I’m done. Y’all can go rot in the messes you’ve made. I’m done. You’re blocked on all fronts. Done.


Sarah Oliger <sarah.k.oliger@gmail.com>

Thu, Mar 28, 4:19 PM (4 days ago)

Kat,

I'm so sorry for the way things happened.

My actions made it more about me than about what you were feeling. In hindsight, I should have never even had to ask that night if you were comfortable with me joining up. I was aware that the situation was awkward, and that should have been enough for me to politely decline the invite. I never want us to be in a situation where it feels like saying "no" is not okay.

I thought I was being considerate by asking if it was okay for me to join. I see now how this was poorly handled on my part and would create a feeling of not being valued. I apologize.

I recognize my mistakes, and I hope we can move forward.


Bombs Away

Thu, Mar 28, 5:29 PM (4 days ago)

Sarah,

I would like to apologize for the way that I spoke to you in that email. I wrote to you (and Patrick) while in a shrouded state of mind. I, however, cannot be sorry for standing my ground on feeling like I was being tricked or trapped because while our interpretations are different, it just is how I feel based on the circumstantial evidence I had. I’m sorry I didn’t place it in a more direct, blank state, but how could I? I knew it meant I had to lose my best friend and it crushed me. All of that said, I still do not believe that us being friends is something you will ever allow without pushing for more.. You will always push for more. At the time, things were so crazy for me. Losing you as my friend was bad enough, but losing Patrick anyway in such a bitter irony, just.. shattered me. I feel that I have lost a literal, fundamental part of me in that and you reinserting yourself in an email (this one prior) when I began my grieving process got you hit with some unnecessary and somewhat brutal aftermath. I am sorry if it hurt, because it was mean, and some of it I would love to retract, but alas, it was said, and we can’t reverse time.

Despite being certain that I come off as some form of ice queen for hurting you, or anyone, I want to be clear when I say that it hurts me just as much, if not more, for feeling like I have to make that kind of decision. This wasn’t an episode, this was a line in the sand for me. My history reflects that I eventually do cut people out that I feel have pushed my boundaries too many times, they think I’ll never say “stop.” I felt like I was yelling at the top of my lungs and you just weren’t listening to me, respecting my space or my decisions. I loved you, Sarah, but only strictly as a friend, and there is absolutely nothing that can change that fact. No kindness or nastiness, it just.. is this way.

I don’t think we can ever be friends, again. I could know you, or talk to you, but it would never be the same for me, again.

— Kat


Sarah Oliger <sarah.k.oliger@gmail.com>

Thu, Mar 28, 6:01 PM (4 days ago)

I understand and accept your apology. Let's move forward.

Hope to see you in game or on Discord again.


Bombs Away

Thu, Mar 28, 7:52 PM (4 days ago)

Well. It’d probably be awhile, as I did let my subscription lapse and I totally got rid of Discord from my devices— wasn’t much need for them. That said, I’m sure I’ll see you around sometime.


Sarah Oliger <sarah.k.oliger@gmail.com>

Sun, Mar 31, 1:30 PM (1 day ago)

The loss of the dream of a relationship with you was, in spite of how it felt previously, ultimately just the loss of a delusion.

But the loss of our friendship is the most profound, realest loss I have ever felt. My soul still burns at my failure to protect this.

I'm reluctant to even say any of this, because I fear that my words are tainted by my past mistakes. But I admit that I still long for a day when I could show you what I mean by that.

Maybe things never would be the same for us as friends. But maybe they could be even better, if we could begin again one day, but on the same page from the start. Does that make sense?

This is only where I'm at emotionally. If the way you feel differs from that, it's okay.

I'm healing, if slowly. I'll always wish the best for you.


Bombs Away

2:31 PM (6 hours ago)

I’m sorry that it’s hurting you. I still maintain my stance that opting out is the best decision. I hope you continue to improve emotionally with each day and that things in your personal life also grow and prosper.


Sarah Oliger <sarah.k.oliger@gmail.com>

3:37 PM (5 hours ago)

Sucks, but I hear you.

I do hope when either one of us looks back one day, we'll at least be able to remember the good times.

Take care of yourself girl.