Cake

{Order Status             105019-855232}
{Tracking Number 6503658978399969010049}
{Date Received:        09-25-2015 23:52}

Click. Click. Click.

Sitting at his computer is /fa/, checking the current position of an item he ordered last week, something that he thought he would be wearing for the ball: a pair of Rick Owens x Adidas Tech Runners. Not much point in it now, considering his imouto /cgl/ will be handling the outfits for that day.

Still, it wouldn't hurt to check to see if it's on its way. The thing is, /fa/ can't get the things that happened over the past couple of days out of his head. He doesn't exactly like his sister, but they've shared their moments and he can't deny how he's actually enjoyed them a little. He can't let /cgl/ know that though-- she'd probably pester him more than he'd like, and the cuteness of his imouto is bad for his heart as it is, as much as he manages to hide it from her.

Speaking of which, there doesn't seem to be any sign of her around the house.

The flashing LED of his phone connects the dots for /fa/. A voicemail message.

"Nii-chan, just letting you know that I'm attending a meetup today, and I won't be home until later. Maybe I'll pick up a cake for desert tonight so we can share it?"

In the background, you suddenly hear voices.

"Oh, everyone else is here, okay gotta gooo~"

Just before /fa/ closes his voicemail, he stops, realizing that the message isn't quite finished. For a moment, there's only the sound of others in the background, but they suddenly grow softer. /cgl/ comes back on, this time softer as well.

"By the way, I think it'd surprise you to know that I was awake for that kiss last night~"

/fa/ freezes.

"Who knew you actually felt that way about me, hehe. Well, gotta go now, bye~"

With that, the message ends. It takes a moment for /fa/ to process what he had just heard. It's been so long of a moment that he's prompted by the automated voice to either repeat, save, or delete the message. The words /cgl/ spoke made his heart feel weird. He couldn't quite put a finger on what it was, but if it happened again he wouldn't know what to do. After contemplating for a while, /fa/ presses 5. Maybe he can use it to blackmail his sister after she quits being a huge weeaboo. Then again, he feels like it wouldn't do him much good anyway, but still chooses to save it.

Downstairs, knocking can be heard coming from the front door.

"Delivery!"

Here to drop off a package is /n/, the town's only mail courier. Before anything can be said to him, he's gone, just as fast as he came. However, /fa/ didn't think that his order would be here so soon, considering that the last time he checked, the shoes he ordered were still on the moon, being processed by aliens that Rick himself hired to create such unearthly things. Even more strange is the thought that maybe /n/ rode here all the way from the moon. If he did, he's really dedicated to his job.

Those thoughts are quickly dispelled, as /fa/ looks at the unopened box, with at least a hundred miles of packing tape wrapped around it to keep whatever's inside from coming out.

"Addressed to... /d/..."

Reading the shipping label further, he's now bothered to find that what was currently in his hands wasn't actually crafted by Tricky Rick's space alien shoe cobbler clique at all.

"Contents, one... Dragon. Dildo."

Before blankly staring off into the distance, /fa/ nearly misses the last part of the label.

"Extra large."

He's tempted to just drop the thing where he stands and go back inside, but before he does, something else catches his eye. /b/, the town hooligan, pokes his head out of a nearby bush. You can tell he's grinning ear to ear behind the Guy Fawkes mask he bought from Walmart.

"Huh. I thought I sent all of them over there. I got about a thou--"

/fa/ stops him before he can finish.

"This is the dumbest shit ever. What, you want me to take this thing over there, is that it? That's obviously where this story is headed, right?"

/b/ goes silent. He stares at /fa/ for a bit before slowly sinking back into the bush. When /fa/ walks over to see if that moron pretended to disappear and was really just sitting inside with a bunch of leaves and twigs stuck up his ass, he's hardly surprised to find that /b/ really did disappear, leaving with him a giant reptile phallus to bring to its rightful owner.

No words are spoken.

Not a even a facial expression is made.

/fa/ turns around, and starts toward the outskirts of town, to /d/'s cave.

Meanwhile, /cgl/ is still at that meetup she told her brother about. Standing alone like a bunch of other times she's gone, /cgl/ begins to think to herself.

(I can't believe I came all the way out here for this)
(God, she looks ita as fuck)
(I'd rather be at home right now looking at burando)
(Did her voice just crack lmao, let's see if she tries to go any higher)
(Why isn't anyone complimenting my coord?)
(Don't tell me I'm actually too cute for these people)
(Nevermind, that girl looks so much better than I do)
(I wonder what onii-chan's up to right now)

(Maybe I'll get us a cake with cherries)

It's only a couple more hours before /cgl/ can go home to her big brother. To her, a lot of things are going right-- she hasn't been with him for so long until now, and seeing just how much she can put him through is very amusing as well. She even gets to dress him up in whatever she wants for the ball, and nothing can beat that. With things as they are now, days like these are when she's the most happy.

At the end of the day, all that's left for the two of them now is to cut the cake.

/fa/ stands at the entrance to /d/'s lair, feeling a mixture of uncertainty, regret, and fear. He's never been here before; the complete lack of light and the fact that no one else is around but him is unsettling, to say the least. Still, he's got a job to do. He'd never do something like this normally-- the person writing all of this is really just an absolute nutcase.

Inside, everything is damp. And slippery. There's a strange scent in the air, of which almost anyone would swear smells like a squid straight from the ocean. The thought makes more sense, as the faint sound of something squishing can be heard within the bowels of /d/'s home. Not wanting to walk alone in the dark like some cliche horror movie tritagonist, /fa/ turns on his phone's flashlight function. Everything around him is revealed, but he can't see any further than a few meters in front of him, as darkness swallows light that doesn't cut through it like actual flashlight would, which focuses light on a single point. Instead, camera lights are used to illuminate wider areas at the cost of distance, something that /fa/ (or anyone else in this situation for that matter), wouldn't very much like. He speaks to himself as he walks to calm his nerves.

"Christ, I knew /d/ was a freak but damn, I didn't think he'd live in a place like THIS. I mean, would it hurt to get some lights in here? I like the dark too, but the absence of light is not the same thing as how it reflects on actual clothing. You can't wear the dark. That's kind of a weeaboo thing to want, but at the same time, it does kind of sound cool when you think about it--"

Suddenly, /fa/ stops dead in his tracks, his eyes affixed to the ground in front of him. At the very end of the light, are two legs protruding from the dark. It's /d/.

A very long second goes by before /fa/ he does anything. Completely scared out his wits, he turns around and attempts to make for the entrance. But /fa/ can't run; he's wearing a brand new pair of Levi's 501 Shrink-to-Fit jeans, and the hike up the hillside prior to entering the cave made him sweat, causing the denim to shrivel up, constricting his legs. He might as well be a penguin waddling away from a hungry sea lion.

/fa/'s hands fumble with his phone, trying to type some sort of message out as fast as he can. He manages to finish and send it, but his time is already up. A tentacle shoots out from the shadows, grabbing him by the legs. /fa/ falls over and hits the ground, losing the grasp he had on his phone. He tries yelling with no results, and is immediately pulled away from the light before being fully engulfed in darkness.

Arriving home from her meetup, /cgl/ walks through the front door, finally happy to be with her aniki once again.

"Big brother, I'm hooome!"

Only the silent walls of the house greet her return.

"...Onii-chan?"

At that moment, her purse vibrates. Checking her phone, she finds eighty-five new messages.

Eighty of which, are from /fit/.

/cgl/ scrolls down to her brother's texts instead.

[/d/'s house            06:03PM]
[dildo                  06:03PM]
[creepy ass nigga       06:03PM]
[help                   06:03PM]
[HELP                   06:03PM]

Somehow, /fa/'s cry for help was misconstrued in her eyes, instead looking something like this:

[i'm at /d/'s             69:69]
[he seems nice            69:69]
[gonna have dinner        69:69]
[i think i like him       69:69]
[gonna stay the night     69:69]

Oh no! Someone's out to steal /cgl/'s OTP away from her? Not  her watch they won't.

Before storming off to save her brother, she's stopped by a familiar face.

"Hey! Hey you!"

/b/'s head is poking out of the same bush he was in when /fa/ encountered him. This time, he sticks his hand out, holding something balled up in his fist.

"Take this!"

Upon closer inspection, /cgl/ sees that it's a single thigh-high sock, with metal studs embedded into it for some reason. What's even more disturbing, is that it used to belong to her... A long time ago. She takes a step back.

"How... Why do you have this?"

"I doxxed you. I also dug through your trash... A couple years ago."

/cgl/ gives /b/ a disgusted look.

"Anyway, that's not important right now. You want to save your brother, right? Use this to fight /d/!"

Using a sock in combat against a tentacle monster sounds like an absolutely stupid idea. But after holding it from the end, /cgl/ finds that the studs give it some weight along the length; almost as if it could be used as a... Whip. Wanting to at least thank him, /cgl/ looks up to find /b/ gone. Not wanting to associate with him anymore than she has to, she hurries off, feeling determined.

Over at the very edge of town is yet another familiar face.

/r9k/ is milling about at the bottom of the hill, practicing lines to use for his dinner date later on tonight. Is he taking someone to the ball? Who knows. From a distance, he can see something in a lot of frills sprinting toward him at top speed. Not wanting to get in the way, he starts to move out of the way-- but can't decide which way to go. Go left? Go right? It's really quite the spectacle for someone to already be symmetry-breaking when the person is coming straight at them, and fast.

"Move out of the way, spaghetti boy!"

/cgl/ zooms right past /r9k/, the gust of wind she made causing him to spin out of control, before falling over in a heap of pasta, his fanny pack a deflated messy mess. Behind him, dust clouds are seen being kicked up as our heroine speeds up the hill.

Before the entrance of the cave, /cgl/ finds /tv/ dressed up like Indiana Jones, holding a torch out to her like someone passing a the baton in a relay race. She takes it from him without losing any speed at all, rocketing straight into /d/'s place, squeezing past boulders, jumping over pits, avoiding spikes and trapped switches along the way. Maybe she's moving a bit too fast.

At the end of the tunnel is a large cavern. /fa/ is sitting in the middle, looking unamused.

"Onii-chan! You're alive!"

"Yeah, I'm alive. Now get me out of here before that freak /d/ comes back."

Ignoring that last bit, /cgl/ stares out into the shadows, and yells. /fa/ presses a finger to both of his temples.

"Trying to take my brother away from me, are you? Well, you're gonna have to fight me for his hand in marri--

"STOP."

/d/ steps out the from the shadows, literally wearing a suit of tentacles covering the upper half of his body. Even his face is covered in them. He holds both hands up, each one inside a tentacle, an indication that he's ready to go. /cgl/ produces the sock-whip from her bloomers. /fa/ stares.

"I don't know what's worse, the fact that it looked like you just pulled a sock out of your vagina, or that the sock itself looks 'ita as fuck'."

/cgl/ turns to her brother.

"I think you're using that word wrong, onii-chan."

She and /d/ begin to circle each other, staring one another down. Suddenly, the two of them explode in a flurry of tentacles, a sock, and frills. /cgl/ is now using the sock like nunchucks, reminiscent of Bruce Lee in "Game of Death". /fa/ watches on, annoyed, because to him, it reminds him of people who jump around like idiots, pretending to fight with powers that aren't actually real.

After a while, /d/ decides to switch things up, and strikes /cgl/s legs. She loses balance and tips over, landing on top ounintentionally breaking her fall. He does get a face full of her soft chest, though.

"Mmmf mmf, mmmf mmmfmf!"

/cgl/ stands up.

"What?"

"I said, 'watch out, you weeaboo!'"

A tentacle passes over her head as she ducks down, and she notices something on the ground by her brother. It's the phallus that /fa/ came to deliver. He doesn't know what she's thinking, but she picks it up. It's heavy, so heavy that it could brain somebody. /cgl/ turns to /d/, and throws it, just like a javelin.

"Die, you closet cosplayer!"

It hits him square in the forehead, head side first, and he collapses, out like a light. Silence begins to grow in the cavern.

/fa/ is the first to break it.

"Yay, you've saved me. Can we go home now? You promised me cake."

A lot has happened today. Too much, in fact. It's time to head back and resume normal life.

At home, /cgl/ sets the cake she bought in front of /fa/. A simple vanilla cake, with white frosting decoration and a cherry on top.

"Since we're celebrating my victory today, do you wanna... Cut the cake?"

The damsel in distress looks unpleased. But he takes the knife anyway.

"...Fine. The cherry's mine, though."

/cgl/ pouts.

"No fair!"

/fa/ serves two slices, and splits the cherry down the middle, a halve for both of them. As they get halfway into their servings, /cgl/ has a suggestion. She holds her halve towards her brother.

"Here nii-chan, I'll give you my cherry. But you have to say, 'aaaahhh'."

"No."

"But I thought you wanted the whole thing."

"I did. But I don't want it like how you're trying to give it. Stop beating around the bush and just give it to me if that's what you want to do."

"Aww, but that's no fun at all! Fine, how about you give me yours instead?"

"I won't have one for myself if I did that."

"Then I'll give you mine~"

"That makes no sense at all. I give you my cherry, you give me yours-- what's the point? Why not just eat your own instead of trading?"

/cgl/ giggles.

"You're so silly, onii-chan."

And thus ends another day in the lives of two siblings.

The End