How Chris makes me feel...
Chris makes me feel safe, at home.. she makes me feel happy she makes me feel mad crazy and insane... she makes me feel every emotion possible and it’s a addrenlin rush that I can not get enough of... When she’s upset I get protective and when she’s laughing and smiling I’m having the time of my life... when she does the things to me only that she can do and make me feel behind closed doors she takes me to places unknown and only she can do that no one else... when she holds my close I feel my heart skip a beat, when she kisses me all my worries fears and Anexity drown away...
The biggest emotion on how she makes me feel would be love... she makes me feel love every single day of my life,  she chooses me and I choose her... instead of putting me down she helps build me up.. instead of making an argument she stops them... instead of letting me be upset she changes the mood... she will create somthing funny or cute to show me or she will come over and boost me up about my work or spend hours watching me try to draw which must suck for her but she still does it... she holds my hand when I go to the doctors heck when I lose somthing she’s not even here in person yet.. she always knows where I’ve put it.. when we argue I get mad real mad and so does she .. like that song fire and fire.. I can’t remember the name of it but it seems pretty fitting right now...

When I come home and she’s excited to see me it makes me beyond
happy... when I told her I wanted her to have my child... I truly meant it... and that’s a scary thought for me because I said no kids very beginging of our relationship since I’m not a kid type of person... but yet with her I want to do this stuff... she’s changed me but not for the worst for the better..

Chris makes me feel normal she understand my D.I.D like the back of her hand she understand when there’s an argument or someone comes forward or stuff goes missing or this and that and I understand hers as-well.. not many people can say their lover makes them feel normal I’m proud to say mine can... or well did...

She drives me to do better she will boast about her deving and it makes me want to develop sometimes even though I get jealous I think she secretly does it because she knows I’m a competitive person, so she’s driving me to want to dev more..

There’s so many things about Chris I can go on and on about.. but I’ll end it with this.. when she kisses me time stops I can breath again... when she’s beside me at night I can sleep wellZ.. when she’s holding me tightly and talking to me and being there I feel calm... when she’s laughing and joking back I adore it... one of the best feelings I love from her would be when she takes control just smacks me upside the head puts me in my place and yet at the same time let’s me feel like I’m in control still..


In general.. I love Chris for Chris... flaws and all..
I feel like an idiot for how I hurt her.. if I could turn back time somehow and fix it all.. I would.. but no time machine could fix the damage I did... I fail at a lot of things... and the one thing I excelled at.. was being a horrible lover.. and self destruction.. I r should of never happened... I’m truly sorry to her and I do love her...  but what I said and did can never be undone... I’m a horrible person... I don’t know how she ever even put up with me..