Dear Brian

Alright. Here we go then. I’m writing this in my notes, so chances are I get passionate and go French for a bit, but we’ll have to see. First of all. I still feel very devalued from our last conversation. I feel like I didn’t get acknowledged and my feelings didn’t get acknowledged either. I feel like when I said something for my personal emotional safety, it was blown in the wind due to it conflicting with your enjoyment. Secondly. I feel like my words have been twisted severely. I can understand that your own experience and interpretation might have caused some differences in meanings of words and sentences, but I promise you that hidden meanings or things like that, were not included within the things I tried to tell you. I have already deleted most of my own messages, but if you were to read them back, I would want you to look at them from a purely objective perspective, meaning that all suggestive terms or emotional influence has been removed from the conversation. From both my and your parts. I assure you that it would make things a lot clearer for you and would drive you to the proper direction of my words. Third. Your fun is an important aspect in our relationship. Fun is what drives any human forward, although fun must never come at the cost of someone else. If I were to go to an amusement park with someone much smaller, I wouldn’t go on the heaviest rollercoasters. Despite me having fun, I know, and have the empathy to understand, that the person I went with would only wait and see me have fun, while they wouldn’t be able to ride. They would not have fun, and what would be even worse, is that they would become more annoyed, sad and angry, the more time goes on. Their experience would be that I only cared about my own amusement, and sure, while I paid for my own ticket, we were there together. With a little empathy in that scenario, I would be able to understand that while I’d really want to go on the ride, I shouldn’t just leave the other to dust away and let her feelings rot while mine went up. Fourth. Your words were not twisted. However, there is a possibility that I looked at your words wrongly. I might have looked at them objectively, when I should have been looking subjectively for meanings within context instead of purely the words or sentences. What especially was not being twisted, was the end result and your reaction to said end result. I specifically told you that through what you enjoyed, I was becoming more annoyed, sad and angry, and you decided that my feelings held less value to yours. You said without a doubt, that even while I was getting annoyed, you enjoyed it, and that was your argument at the time. Leaving no other conclusion than you finding your fun more important than me getting so upset about a scenario to the point where I had to go to make sure I’d still be able to talk to you. Fifth. You then found it necessary that through my deposit, all that had been rebuilt, should be the cost of my desperation. You left too because of my leave. The hypothesis I pulled from this, was a feeling of revenge. You knew I held that chat to be important. But since you were enjoying sending me pictures, and I didn’t, to which I left, then the cost should just be letting everything get lost. Like I said, this is a hypothesis. But if this is true, you are the most selfish and sadistic prick I have met to this day, and you should be ashamed. You know I love you and the things we have done with each other. Yet you choose that just because I can’t handle something at the time, to destroy it all because I ruined your fun. Vous dire quoi, mon pote, plaisir est un putain de luxe. Si vous deviez choisir entre vous amuser et rendre les autres malheureux, ou être complètement neutres les uns avec les autres, vous choisiriez ces derniers par putain de respect mutuel.  C’est ce qui s’appelle être humain, avoir de l’empathie et ne pas être une putain de bite. Je ne peux même pas croire que finalement, vous venez de me bloquer.  Comme si j'étais le méchant ici. Vous ne savez pas à quel point je suis énervé, uniquement à cause du manque de respect et du manque de valeur que vous m'avez montré ce jour-là. Si je pouvais, je te frapperais. Mais pas seulement pour te faire mal. Je ne suis pas aussi mauvais que toi. Je ne veux pas blesser les autres pour atteindre mes propres objectifs. Cela me donnerait satisfaction, mais je ne le ferais jamais si cela coûtait leur bonheur à quelqu'un d'autre. Je voudrais juste vous frapper pour que vous puissiez, pour une fois, ressentir ce que c'est que d'avoir quelqu'un d'autre à gagner à cause de vos propres pertes. Comment la situation se sent en sens inverse pour que vous veniez à la raison. Vous n'êtes pas le Brian que je connais. Le Brian J'aime. Vous êtes un abruti. Et je veux qu'il revienne.