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- The following is a transcript of the "Starlight Glimmer Radio Show Variety Fun Time" on the second Tuesday of March around 8PM-12AM
- What you are about to read is 100% real
- We couldn't make this up even if we tried.
- >Starlight: "It's blinking red now Spike"
- >"Did we anger it?"
- >Spike: "No, that means you're on the air"
- >Starlight: "...So ponies can-"
- >Spike: "Yup"
- >-Silence-
- >Starlight: -Whisper- "Oh jeez"
- >"H-hi everypony!"
- >"Welcome to the first edition of...uhhh"
- >-Whisper- Spike, what's this called again?
- >Spike: "The Starlight Glimmer Radio Show Variety Fun Time"
- >Starlight: "...Was that my idea or yours?"
- >Spike: "What do you think?"
- >Starlight: "I think we should have gone with a shorter title"
- >-Silence with small whap-
- >Spike: "...You're still live you know?
- >Starlight: -Silence-
- >"I knew that"
- >-Throat Clear-
- >"Anyway, welcome to the first edition of..."
- >"Uhh, our show!
- >"Where we, me and my co-host Spike the dragon, will be taking any and all calls from you, the listeners
- >"And...we'll...see where that takes us?
- >-Nervous Laughter from Starlight-
- >-Loud ringing noise-
- >"Ahhhhh!"
- >"We did anger it Spike, I told you!
- >Spike: "Relax Starlight, it's just the phoneline.
- >-Silence
- >Spike: " We have someone trying to call?"
- >Starlight: "Ooooh, our first caller!"
- >Starlight: "Put em on Put em on!"
- >-Beep Boop noises-
- >Spike: "Annnnnnnd, that should do it.
- >Starlight: "Hello caller!"
- >"You're on with Starlight and pals!"
- >Spike: "Not the official title"
- >-Heavy breathing-
- >Starlight: "Uhh, hello caller?"
- >"Did you have a questio-"
- >-Heavy breaths cut off by a dial tone-
- >Starlight: "...They must have not liked the name.
- >Spike: "Yeah, that's the big takeaway from this"
- >-Sigh-
- >"This is going to be a long night"
- Hour 1
- >Starlight: -Silence-
- >Spike: "What?"
- >Starlight: "Why isn't the blinker box yelling at us anymore?
- >Spike: "Because no one is calling in"
- >"And it wasn't yelling it was ringing."
- >-Sudden Ringing Noises-
- >Starlight: "Eeee!"
- >"It heard I was talking about it!"
- >-Hoof clops-
- >"Quick Spike, we don't want to keep it waiting!"
- >-Beep boop-
- >Spike: -Grumble-
- >-Beep Boop-
- >"You're on"
- >Starlight: "Goooooooood evening caller!"
- >"You're on with the Glims!
- Rarity: "Good evening darlings!"
- >Starlight: "Oh hey Rarity"
- >"How's it going?
- Rarity: "Never better dear!"
- "And little Spikey-Wikey don't think I forgot about you"
- -Blowing a kiss noise-
- >Spike: "Hehe, aww jeez"
- >Starlight: "So...did you have a question or did you just want to talk?
- Rarity: "Oh, well I just wanted to call in and congratulate you two on the new show!
- >Starlight: "New show?"
- Rarity: "...The one you're hosting right now dear
- >Spike: "The one you and I have been planning for weeks"
- >Starlight: "Oh, right"
- >"Heh-heh"
- >-Awkward Silence-
- Rarity: "Right...well anyway I also called because I wanted somepony to talk to about my day"
- "I had a tall order to handle at my boutique"
- >Starlight: "Oh?"
- >"Do tell"
- Rarity: "The Prime Minister of Caneighda needed a formal ensemble the very same day"
- "And it had to be held up to the upmost, highest standard I could even imagine"
- >Starlight "And?"
- >"Did you win?"
- Rarity: "Of course I did, but..."
- >Starlight: "What?"
- Rarity: "He called up as soon as he saw the ensemble and said he absolutely adored everything...except the tie"
- >Starlight: "The tie?"
- Rarity: "I went above and beyond on that tie because it was the piece to bring everything together!"
- "But he would not stop nitpicking every little detail on it!"
- "He even called the hoofstitching shoddy!"
- "Can you believe that?!"
- >Starlight: "The nerve of some ponies"
- >Spike: -Snickering-
- >"So...what you're saying is"
- >"He was being a tie-rant?
- >-Silence-
- Rarity: "..."
- >-Dial tone-
- >Spike: -Sigh-
- >"I've been hanging around Pinkie too much"
- >Starlight: "Eh, I thought it was funny"
- >Spike: "Really?"
- >Starlight: "Yeah, I've never heard the sound of a pony's spirit breaking so clearly before"
- >"Thanks for that Spike"
- >Starlight: "So far we're off to a good start aren't we Spike?"
- >Spike: "...If you say so"
- >Starlight: "Oh c'mon, it's not like Rarity's going to be ashamed of you forever."
- >"Maybe a month at most"
- >"Two tops"
- >Spike: -Groans and small facepalm-
- >Starlight: "Look on the brightside"
- >"I bet you made Pinkie's night with that."
- >Spike: "You think so?"
- >Starlight: "Eh"
- >"Probably, you know how low her standards on comedy are"
- >"She still thinks whoopee cushions are funny"
- >"Can you believe that?"
- >"I can make fart sounds with my mouth, but you don't see other ponies laughing at me"
- >Spike: "Uhh-"
- >-Ringing noises-
- >Spike: "Hold that thought"
- >-Beep Boop noises-
- >Spike: "Annnnnnnd, work your magic Starlight"
- >Starlight: "Bim Bop Zim you're talking to the Glim!"
- >Spike: "...What?"
- >Starlight: "What?"
- >"I can't have a little fun with the magic box?"
- >Spike: "There's fun and there's whatever you just did"
- >Starlight: "Oh psssh, don't be such a stick in the mud Spike"
- >"I'll have you know I can be quite the entertainer"
- >Spike: "I'm pretty sure that's not what Twilight meant when she called you a showstopper"
- Male Caller #1: -Clearing throat noises
- >Starlight: "...Oh right"
- >"Heh-heh, sorry about that caller"
- >Male Caller #1: "No biggie"
- >Starlight: "Thanks, anyway what's on your mind caller?"
- >"Got a question for me or my...assistant Spike?"
- Male Caller #1: "Actually I do"
- >Starlight: "Oooh, how exciting"
- >-Fast clopping noises-
- >"Let's hear it!"
- Male Caller #1: "Is your refridgerator running?"
- >Starlight: "Hmmmmm."
- >"That's a good question caller"
- >"Spike, can you go check on th-
- >"...Well actually caller, I can safely say that our fridge is in fact running"
- Male Caller #1: "Well you better go catch it!
- >Starlight: "That's the plan!"
- >"Be back in a minute"
- >-Teleportation noise-
- >Spike: "..."
- Male Caller #1: "..."
- >Spike: "This kind of backfired on you huh?"
- Male Caller #1: "I did picture things turning out differently, yes"
- >Spike: "Don't we all?"
- >"...So, any big plans tonight?"
- Male Caller #1: "Not really"
- >Spike: "Right, of course"
- Male Caller #1: "Yourself?"
- >Spike: "You're looking at it, or rather listening to it"
- Male Caller #1: "Cool"
- >-Silence-
- Male Caller #1: "...You like clowns?"
- >-Teleportation noise-
- >Spike: -Whisper- "Oh thank god"
- >"Did you catch the fridge Starlight?"
- >Starlight -Panting- "Yes...yes I did"
- >"One moment"
- >-Trotting noises-
- >-Window opening noises-
- >"WHOOPEE CUSHIONS ARE STILL NOT FUNNY YOU PINK HEADACHE!"
- >Pinkie Pie: "I KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP!"
- >Starlight: "AND I KNOW WHERE YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM!"
- >-Forceful window shutting noise-
- >-Trotting back noises-
- >"Ah, much better"
- >"Now caller, did you have another-"
- >-Dial tone-
- >"...question."
- >Starlight: "Ugh"
- >-Facedesk noise-
- >"I can't believe I missed our first non-friend caller"
- >Spike: "Relax Starlight, we haven't even been here for an hour yet"
- >"We'll get another pony caller here in soon, just you wait"
- >-Ringing noises-
- >"See?"
- >"What'd I tell ya?
- >-Beep, boop noises-
- >"Annnnnnnd, you're o-
- Sunset Shimmer: "Helllllllllllllo Cleveland!"
- >Spike: "...What?"
- >Starlight: "...Sunset?"
- Sunset Shimmer: "I've alwaysh wanted to ssaysh that"
- -Hiccup-
- >Starlight: "S-Sunset is that you?"
- Sunset Shimmer: "Heyyyyyy, Starshlight"
- "Howsh my favorite purplesh unicorn?"
- -Hiccup-
- "Don't tell Twilight though or shshe'll get mad"
- -Drunken giggles-
- >Starlight: "How is this even possible?!"
- >"You're an entire dimension away!
- >Spike: "And she's drunk"
- >Starlight: "That too!"
- Sunset Shimmer: "Woah woahwoahwoah woahymcwoahwoah"
- -Hiccup-
- "To anshwer your firsht queshtion"
- "Magic, duh"
- >Spike: -Facepalm noise-
- Sunset Shimmer: "And ash for your sshecond queshtion"
- "I sshwear to drunk I'm not Celeshtia, Sshtarlight"
- "Everypony, heh pony, they all know that shider ish non-alcohlshic...alcoholish"
- >Starlight: "Alcoholic, right"
- Sunset Shimmer: "Acshtually, hang on Starshswirl"
- >Starlight: "My name's not-"
- Sunset Shimmer: "Hey Applejack!
- "Thish shider doeshn't got no boozshe in it right?"
- -Slight thud noise-
- "...Oh shshe fell over"
- >Starlight: "...Is she alri-
- Sunset Shimmer: "Oh, now Rarity fell on top of her"
- "Shsilly Rarity, you don't usshe your mouth to take off clothshe"
- >Spike: "...Starlight?"
- >Starlight: "Yeah Spike?"
- >Spike: "I'm very uncomfortable"
- >Starlight: "Me too"
- Sunset Shimmer: "I'm pretty sshure thatsh not how you give sshomeone shcpr Rarity"
- >Starlight" "...Ooooookay, uhh Sunset did you happen to have a question for me or Spike by chance?"
- Sunset Shimmer: -Silence-
- "Oh hey Starshlight, how are you doing?"
- >-Double face desk-
- >Starlight: "I'm doing just fin-
- Sunset Shimmer: "Did you know shcpr involved a lot of tongue and butt touching?"
- -Sigh-
- >Starlight: "What's the matter Sunset?"
- Sunset Shimmer: "Why doesh no one want to touch my butt?"
- >-Deathly quiet silence-
- "No onesh touched my butt in monthsh"
- "Do I have an ugly butt?"
- -Whimper noise-
- >Starlight: "N-Nono, don't cry Sunset"
- >"I'm sure plenty of ponies think you have a cute...butt"
- >"Isn't that right Spike?"
- >Spike: "Uhh, yeah what Starlight just said"
- Sunset Shimmer: -Sniffle-
- "Do you think I have a cute butt Starshlight?"
- >Starlight: "Ummmmm, uhhhhh....yes?"
- Sunset Shimmer: "...What do you like about it?"
- >Starlight: "...Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I like how it looks like...a butt?"
- >"And...how it's...yellow?
- Sunset Shimmer: "You mean that?"
- >Starlight: "One...hundred...percent...hehe"
- Sunset Shimmer: "Daww, thanks Strawslight I really needed that"
- >Starlight: "Any...time?"
- Sunset Shimmer: "I might jush have to take you up on that offer"
- -Eeep noise-
- "Sshpeaking of butt touching"
- "I gottsha go"
- "Talk to you later Sshtarshbeard"
- -Phone falling to the ground noise-
- -Giggling noise-
- "Now you're gonna find out why they call it a Shshimjob"
- Sci-Twi: "A-A-A what?"
- >Starlight: "SPIKE!"
- >Spike: "ImonitImonit"
- >-Dive and crash noises-
- >-Dial tone-
- >Starlight: "Phew, thank you Spike"
- >Spike: "No problem...butt liker"
- >-Snicker noises-
- >Starlight: -Groans and face desks once again-
- >Spike: "What's the matter now butt liker?
- >Starlight: -Angry growl-
- >Spike: "Jeez, who spit in your cornflakes this morning?"
- >Starlight: "Spike, take this seriously."
- >"That's now the third call that doesn't count"
- >Spike: "Wait, doesn't count?"
- >Starlight: "Well yeah, I wasn't around for that fridge guy"
- >"And the first caller was just a weird mouth breather"
- >Spike: "...So let me guess."
- >"That call with Sunset didn't count?"
- >Starlight: "Nope!
- >Spike: "Can't wait to hear the reason why"
- >Starlight: "Sh-She...she was...drunk!"
- >Spike: "...And?"
- >Starlight: "Everypony knows drunk girls don't count Spike"
- >Spike:"..."
- >"I'm not surprised by what you said"
- >"Frankly, I'm more surprised by easy it flowed off your tongue"
- >Starlight: "Ponies do say I have a way with words"
- >"A silver tongue if you will"
- >Spike: "I'd hate to hear what a gold tongue sounds like then"
- >-Ring ring Noises-
- >"How about no matter how crazy or weird this caller gets it still counts?"
- >Starlight: "Oh fine"
- -Beep Boop noise-
- >Spike: "You know what to do"
- >Starlight: -Deep breath-
- >"Goooooooooooooo-
- Lyra Heartstrings: "Yeahyeahyeah, can we get to the question part now?"
- >Starlight: "Uhh, sure thing caller."
- >"Glad to see that enthusiasm."
- >-Clears throat-
- >"Do you have a question for me or Spik-
- Lyra Heartstrings: "Yes!"
- >Starlight: "...Well what's the question?"
- Lyra Heartstrings: "Oh right."
- "What's a Shimjob?"
- >-Silence-
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