No Bonfire No Death - Sped Run by Sqwerlpunk

>>Things Betwixt
        Explorer Class, Healing Wares Gift, Female Gender & Pink Hair
        Get naked

>>Majula
        Light Bonfire
        Gank Maughlin
        Grab soul near Smithy
        Light Bonfire
        Talk to Herald one time
        Grab Homeward Bone x5

>>Heide's
        Cheese Dragonrider
        Talk to Licia, send her home
        Boner home

>>Majula
        Pop Boss Soul
        Level up to 16 END, rest in 12 STR

>>FotFG
        Purchase Club & Firebomb x1
        Blow up wall shortcut
        Grab Fire Arrows
        Pop souls on Elevator down
        Kill Last Giant w/ Club & Ooze, pop soul on elevator up
        Go through shortcut to Melentia, purchase 3 Brightbugs & Blacksmith Key, get Covetous +1 ring, send her home
        Cheese Purse User

>>Lost Bastille
        Grab Large Titty on dead body
        Kill Ruin Sentinels w/ Brightbug, Ooze+Club
        Grab Flame Butterfly x3 on roof

>>Sinner's Rise
        Kill Sinner w/Brightbug Ooze+Club
        Boner Home

>>Majula
        Light Bonfire
        Pop Purse User Soul
        Open Blacksmith
        Buy 3x Brightbug (20x lifegems?)
        Boner back to get Blacksmith off his ass
        Buy Silvercat Ring & 6-10 Skulls
        Grab Shortbow
        Buy Rapier, Mace, 10 Titty Shards, Reinforce Rapier to +4 & Mace to +2
        Level up to 20 END, rest in 33 DEX

>>Gutter
        Try not to die on the way down
        Kill Lizard for Titty Shard x2 and Large Titty x1
        Grab lifegems x20 (optional)
        Grab Fragrant Branch of Yore

>>Gulch
        Kill Rotten w/ Ooze+Rapier

>>Shulva
        Pop Boss Soul at door after bridge
        Grab SoAGH in between Arrow Shots
        Grab Flynn's, Repair Powder
        Boner Home

>>Majula
        Pop SoaGH
        Level up to 15 VGR, rest in 40 DEX
        Save 18,000 souls for Resin (can go down to 16500 using Vengarl soul)

>>Shaded Woods
        Grab 3x Homeward Bones+Lifegems next to Brohart
        Run in circles
        Light Shaded Woods Bonfire
        Buy 10-12x Gold Pine Resin (grab soul and pop if slightly short)
        Grab Chloranthy +1
        Kill Naj'ka w/ Resin

>>Doors of Pharros
        Kill Lizard for 3x Large Titty (2x Lizard in Tseldora if you miss)

>>Tseldora
        Grab 1x Large Titty off corpse next to cliff
        Use 1x Alluring Skull to open door
        Kill Congregation w/ Resin
        Jump over to PateCreighton room, break pot and grab 3x Charcoal Resin
        Grab 1x Chunk off nearby corpse
        Drop down to grab Titty Chunk 1x in room
        Use 1-2x Alluring Skull to open door past Red Phantom
        Kill Freja w/ C.Resin, Brightbug, & Alluring Skulls
        Grab Boss Soul, Primal Bonfire Home

>>Majula
        Pop Boss Souls
        Upgrade Rapier to +7
        Level up to 20 VGR, rest in 27 END, save 2000 souls
        Bribe Licia

>>Huntsman's Copse
        Kill Skeleton Lords

>>Harvest Valley
        Send Chloanne home
        Grab 1x Titty Chunk in first poison pit
        Grab Torch just after first poison pit

>>Earthen Peak
        Kill Jabba
        Burn windmill w/ Torch+Flame Butterfly
        Kill Mytha w/ C.Resin

>>Iron Keep
        ???
        (1x Repair Powder available from Jester Magerold?)
        Turtle Tunnel, yo
        Kill Old Iron King w/ GP.Resin
        Boner Home (Shaded Woods)

>>Shrine of Winter
        Get hype

>>Drangleic Castle
        Kill Lizard for 3x Titty Chunk + 1x Titty Slab
        Open gate via murder, panic run everywhere
        (Buy ?x Repair Powder from Ghost Man?)
        Kill Double Dragon w/ GP.Resin
        Activate Soulevator, run back to it picking up 5x Repair Powders on the way
        Pop Boss Souls, re-arrange equipment, relax on Soulevator
        Grab Key to King's Passage
        Enjoy another ride on Soulevator

>>King's Passage
        Kill Looking Glass Knight w/ GP.Resin

>>Shrine of Amana
        Run Forest, run
        Kill Semen of Dong w/ GP.Resin

>>Undead Crypt
        Kill Velstadt w/ GP.Resin + Brightbug
        Grab King's Ring
        Boner Home

>>Shaded Woods
        -> Aldia's Keep

>>Aldia's Keep
        Kill Guardian Dragon w/ Ooze + Brightbug

>>Dragon Aerie
        Run Forest, run

>>Dragon Shrine
        Run some more
        Get Ashen Heart, Boner home

>>Shaded Woods
        Run in circles back to Majula

>>Majula
        Pop all the boss souls
        Upgrade Rapier to +10
        Level everything

>>FotFG
        -> Memory of Jeigh

>>Memory of Jeigh
        Kill Giant Lord w/ GP.Resin
        Boner home

>>Shaded Woods
        -> Drangleic Castle

>>Drangleic Castle
        -> Throne of Want

>>Throne of Want
        Kill Throne Bitches w/ GP.Resin + Brightbug
        Kill Nashandra w/ GP. Resin