“Can we not do this here?” His voice was a forced whisper, pushed down by every other patron’s stares.
“Why? Why does it matter what they think?” Her voice was on the verge of tears, throat straining against rising sobs.
“Look,” He drew a long, deep breath. “We can talk about this when we get home. Wouldn’t you prefer-”
“No!” As she barely suppressed a shriek, the man felt everyone in the bar shift their eyes towards him and his partner.
The bartender suddenly had somewhere else to be.
“Why do you always do this? At home you hardly pay attention to me unless we are fighting? Do you like when we do this?” His voice was rushed and breathy, still barely above a hoarse whisper.
The woman sat in stunned silence, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the edges of the barstool.
“I can’t help the way I am, you know that. You know that I don’t want to be this way.”
“Yes but…”
“But what? There is no but. You said you would love and support me, even if it was hard. So why are we fighting?”
“I just… It would be easier to have this conversation at home.”
“Why does it make a difference? Why does it matter where we are? We will never see these people again so who cares what they think of us?”
The man put his fingers to his temples in a vain attempt to manually sort the thoughts ricocheting around his head.
“I get that you aren’t satisfied with me.” The woman continued unprompted. “I get that I’m not enough and you want to be with someone worthwhile. I’m garbage to you.”
“You aren’t garbage. It’s just-”
“It’s just nothing. If I was a better girlfriend, you wouldn’t have had to do things with other girls.”
“Don’t turn this around. I made mistakes but everyone has, okay?”
“I’m not mad at you I’m just frustrated that you don’t show the same love to me.”
The man took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He knew she didn’t mean that. “I do love you. I always have and always will love you, okay?”
“Okay.” Her response was as quiet as his.
For a moment the pair just sat next to each other, arms resting on the bar. The other patrons have long since stopped caring about the two, preferring to engage in their own conversations and disputes. The fluorescent lights flickered.
“I want to spend my life with you.” The man’s voice was not the hoarse quiet of suppressed volume, but rather a gentle and soothing tone, uncommon in fights like this.
The woman was taken aback. He can’t be nice to her. She has been awful. He should hate her for being a worthless and horrible partner. He should-
The man’s hand found its way onto her shoulder. “I mean it. I want to marry you one day and live with you and wake up next to you.”
“I… I want that too. You know I do, I have wanted that since the day we met. But… Why do we fight so much if this is how we both feel?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t. I don’t know what really is best for us, I just know what I want and how I feel. And right now, I feel that I love you and I’m sorry.”
“But if we ignore the problem then it will just happen again, it will just keep happening and we will keep fighting and then you’ll hate me because I know you do I know you love other people more you only are still with me because you don’t want to walk in and see me hanging from the ceiling. Don’t lie, okay? Even if you really do love me it doesn’t mean anything if you love other people more! It doesn’t mean anything if-”
She stopped as she noticed the bar’s collective eyes trained on her once more. She paused, barely lowering her voice before continuing.
“I’m sorry too. I’m just hurt. I know I am the one who keeps fucking up so it is awful of me to play the victim. I ignore you during the day unless we are fighting because I am afraid of losing you. I lie in bed all day and the few times you drag me out to do something we end up in a big fight.”
“You’re right.” The man sounded resigned but maintained a calmness that the women lacked. “Let’s just pay the tab, go home, and watch a movie. We don’t have to solve every issue tonight or any other night. We both love each other, even though we are hurting. Let’s watch one you like, okay?”
The woman weakly smiled. “Okay.”