Message: 26
Sent: 02/14/20 17:16:50
To: Ashur
Sender: Dianna
Subject: Rostering
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I didn't tell her.  I would never share your secrets like that - but therein lies some of the
difficulty:  I /was/ Sunaia's player.

It's been awkward playing out a character with you that has recently made you so uncomfortable while
I was working very hard to keep alt conflict separate AND keep quiet about who I play.  I tend not
to want people to know who my alts are because I typically choose such very different personalities
to play - and Sunaia is VERY different from Dianna; so different that you obviously did not know
that I played both.

But, I can't leave you uncomfortable, thinking you've hurt someone and can't reach out; and I don't
want you thinking I'd betrayed your confidence.  I didn't betray your confidence - but you confirmed
my suspicions, unbeknownst to you.  I am sad that you've thought there would be negative blowback if
you were to talk to me as Sunaia's player.  It's been hard enough knowing that you didn't know I
played both for so many weeks - and I intended for there to be NO alt conflict whatsoever, since
Dianna had withdrawn her romantic interest in Ashur before Ashur and Sunaia ever met.  I was rather
surprised when Ashur suddenly took interest in Sunaia, and let it go where it would because I
trusted you as a player - far more than I trust most.

Still, with this last scene with Dianna and then your ooc confession, I realized I can't play both.
And Dianna's friendship with Ashur means more to me than Sunaia getting married to Ashur or having a
romance with him - so I rostered her.

Truthfully, I've known there was something wrong since the day of that very-long IC argument, but I
had hoped it would resolve itself or that I was making it up, that I was exaggerating my feelings of
worry.  But, I wasn't wrong - and I wish you would have talked to me as Sunaia.  Just as I wish I
had told you, earlier, that I played Di.

I'm sorry for that.  It wasn't done to hurt you; it was done to keep the mystery of my two very
-different characters alive.

In the end, I rostered Sunaia because I wanted to give you a way out, an easy way out, so you don't
have to kill off Ashur.  Other players have found Sunaia to be a bit too intense, as well, and have
mis-read what was fully intended as IC emotion to be OOC, when it was never.  With all of this
combined, it just made sense to put her away, let someone else have a go at her.  And frankly, I
would not have liked to play out a scene in which Ashur had died.  We weren't having fun with them,
together, anymore; I wanted to put away what wasn't fun and just enjoy what I could - while allowing
you to do the same.  In the end, Sunaia has just run away, like she always does - and not because of
Ashur.  She got some information from Laric that she's afraid of, and it was already shaking her so
hard, I was debating to have her run from that, if only into the woods.  She's an intense and
difficult mate/partner/companion; I'm aware of that.  I'm a writer, and I don't shy away from such
characters - but in RP, it can be hard for other players to get into as it's terribly demanding,
from a time and emotional perspective.  This is part of why Dianna is easier for people to interact
with:  She keeps to herself and shares nothing of her inner troubles with anyone for very IC
reasons.

I can only imagine how shaken this will leave you, but I'm not telling you to hurt you and the
transparency I'm giving you now is to help.  I can only hope it does and that you'll understand -
and will talk to me about it, ooc, if you wish to.

Yes, I'm sad to lose Sunaia; but she's a character, not a person.  There are other characters and
I'll pick up another alt.  Very likely, I'll be extremely transparent, from now on, with those
players who are close to Dianna, should I wind up with my new alt touching upon Dianna's friends -
even if they're just friends.  Because this has been too hard to keep - particularly as, even though
I don't know you except through our RP, I like you.

Dianna's / Sunaia's player
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