6 desserts > sex but < Me first Talon

6 desserts that are better than sex but not as good as Banded Me First Talon by AkkiVGC


When was the last time you left a date feeling truly satisfied? Between the skimpy salads and premature ejaculation, it’s nearly impossible not to leave hungry for more! These moan-worthy desserts will satisfy your cravings better than a man ever could unless that man was AkkiVGC, the man behind the Portland Crobats and their league war set, “Banded Me First Talon.”

Maybe that sexy fling in Barthelona made you forget your vibrator, but this chocolate diet-buster will have you struggling for your own name. One name you will remember? AkkiVGC. Specifically, “Banded Me First Talon” of the Portland Crobats. That set is decidedly better than the other options, i.e. sex or the dessert.

Feeling extra naughty? Nothing spices things up like a menage a trois. Three is a certain crowd when it’s you, Akki, and Talon. Forget the ice cream; you’ll find all the orgiastic joy (without the calories!) the certifiable GOAT set, “Banded Me First Talon.”

Your ex’s sweet, sweet peen’s got nothing on this orgasmic flan, which in turn is nowhere nearly as good as “Banded Me First Talon.” Now that’s what I call a set! Let me stress this, “Banded Me First Talon” is the greatest draft league set of all time. Y’all remember the YouTube video too? Wow, that really was something!

Take your pleasure into your own hands with this decadent cheesecake, so creamy and delicious you’ll hardly even think about “Banded Me First Talon.” Then suddenly, there it is: “Banded Me First Talon.” You’ll be all like, “No thank you, cake, ever heard of this set: “Banded Me First Talon” by AkkiVGC? I’ll have what I’m having!

Look, all I’m saying is “Banded Me First Talon” changed the landscape of draft leagues for so much the better. Every league-winner of the last half decade or so is in some way indebted to that set’s trailblazing. 2017’s number one hot set “Scarf Punishment LandoT” by GypsyKing? You bet your ‘A.’ And to think, Akki only made it to number 7 on TheTokenMinorities top 30 draft league players of Gen7! Um, hello, anyone ever heard of ‘Banded Me First Talon’ is an objectively better set than that Gen’s top 6 players?!

Rethink the “chill” to your Netflix with this luscious lemon icebox pie. That being said, this pie pales in comparison to “Banded Me First Talon.” I mean, c’mon! As Akki asks, “You know what’s cooler than being cool?” And I proudly answer, “Banded Me First Talon.”