Still Laugh-In: The Stars Celebrate (2019)

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<i>Seven, six, five, four...</i>

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<i>Going live.</i>

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<i>What you are about to see is true.</i>

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<i>Only the names and faces have been
left unchanged to protect the innocent.</i>

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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tonight we have an absolutely
spectacular show for you.

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In living color from the Dolby Theatre

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it's <i>Still Laugh-In: The Stars Celebrate.</i>

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<i>Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.</i>

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<i>Here's</i> Laugh-In.

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<i>Very interesting.</i>

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<i>One ringy-dingy.</i>

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<i>- Bippy.
- Bippy.</i>

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<i>Bippy.</i>

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<i>♪ Blondes aren't necessarily dumber</i> ♪

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<i>♪ Than redheads ♪</i>

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<i>Sock it to me?</i>

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<i>- Is that a chicken joke?
- Oh!</i>

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<i>The sky is blue, the grass is green.</i>

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<i>Get off your butt and join the Marines.</i>

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<i>Oh, pop goes the weasel!</i>

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<i>There's kind of a kind of a...
Kind of a... People just, you know, it's...</i>

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<i>Got ya!</i>

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<i>- Hey, man.
- Hey, Cher, of Sonny and Cher.</i>

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<i>What am I doing on a show like this?</i>

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<i>I must be crazy.</i>

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<i>And that's the truth.</i>

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<i>Starring Lily Tomlin,</i>

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<i>Tiffany Haddish,</i>

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<i>Neil Patrick Harris,</i>

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<i>Michael Douglas,</i>

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<i>Snoop Dogg,</i>

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<i>Billy Crystal,</i>

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<i>Chelsea Handler,</i>

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<i>Jay Leno,</i>

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<i>Rita Wilson,</i>

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<i>Bill Maher,</i>

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<i>Tony Hale,</i>

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<i>Rita Moreno,</i>

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<i>Bobby Moynihan,</i>

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<i>Michael Rapaport,</i>

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<i>Mary McCormack,</i>

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<i>Jon Lovitz,</i>

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<i>Kenya Barris.</i>

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<i>With special guests,</i>

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<i>Ruth Buzzi, Jo Anne Worley.</i>

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<i>Featuring Loni Anderson, Maria Bamford,</i>

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<i>Margaret Cho,</i>

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<i>Deon Cole,</i>

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<i>Taye Diggs, Ron Funches,</i>

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<i>Nikki Glaser, Jameela Jamil,</i>

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<i>Natasha Leggero, Loni Love,</i>

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<i>Cheri Oteri, Russell Peters,</i>

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<i>Jeff Ross, Lisa Ann Walter,</i>

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<i>and yours truly, Rob Riggle.</i>

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Now, please welcome Tiffany Haddish
and Neil Patrick Harris.

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Yeah!

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Look at you!

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Welcome, everybody.

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I am so excited to be here tonight.

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I am, too.

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This is <i>Still Laugh-In: The Stars Celebrate,</i>

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and we're the stars.

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And we're definitely celebrating.

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Yes, we are.

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- It's good.
- But we're not the only stars.

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Some of the funniest people in comedy
are joining us for the party.

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- Uh-huh. I have been so ready for this.
- Mmm.

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And look at us.

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- Look at us.
- Mmm.

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We are dressed
like we're going to the prom!

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Although we're not a couple,

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for obvious reasons.

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Mm-hmm.

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I'm... Episcopalian.

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And I'm Jewish.

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And we know some people in here
frown upon that.

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That's right.
We're going straight to hell.

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And this is gonna be
one hell of a party, segue,

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because we are here to pay tribute...

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...to one of the most groundbreaking shows
in television history.

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Groundbroken!

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Yeah, it was cutting-edge.

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Mmm, razor-sharp!

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It was...

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- Innovative.
- Turnt!

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Turnt! You bet your sweet bippy
it was turnt!

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What the hell is a "bippy"?

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A "bippy". It's a phrase
that was dope in 1969.

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- Did you just say "dope"?
- Word.

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Ooh, I love this.
I've never had my own white boy before.

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That's cool, 'cause I've never had...

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Watch yourself.

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I've never had the pleasure
of sharing the stage

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with anyone as talented as you.

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Thank you.

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And we are doing it in a way
that has never been seen before.

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Sounds so dirty.

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- That tongue.
- But...

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But <i>Laugh-In</i> was unlike anything
that had ever been seen before.

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That's true. When the show premiered,

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there was an unpopular president
in the White House,

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there was fighting overseas
and here at home.

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Mm-hmm. There was racial discrimination
and sex discrimination,

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the NRA had too much damn power,

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and most of us felt
like we didn't have anything.

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- We didn't have any power.
- It's true.

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Sounds very 2019.

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And since tonight
is about celebrating <i>Laugh-In,</i>

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let's start the way they did.

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Let's go to the cocktail party.

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According to a new study,

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seniors are
the most frequent binge drinkers.

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Followed closely by juniors, sophomores,
and freshmen.

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<i>Reverend Mother, get over here quickly.</i>

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<i>There's a bunch of people here
and they're all flying.</i>

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How is this show like the <i>Titanic?</i>

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It gives me a sinking feeling.

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Hey, remember the good old days

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when they called
illegal immigrants "pilgrims"?

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<i>It's all in how you look at it.</i>

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<i>What you call "riots",
we call "group therapy".</i>

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I don't shop at Forever 21.

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I shop at Not That Great 48.

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Hi. I'm Deon Cole.

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Hey, what are you doing?

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Swiping you to the right.

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Ooh, you're a sexy motherfucker.

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<i>There's a new car coming out
with a rotary engine.</i>

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<i>It still pollutes the air,
but with smoke rings.</i>

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Oh.

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I thought it was that camera. Last time...

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I'm on TV.

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Hello, I'm Jon Lovitz,
comedian/Instagram model.

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Now, while I'm known around the world
for my charitable works,

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my proudest achievement is when I won
the catchphrase of the century

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for my character, the pathological liar,
on <i>Saturday Night Live.</i>

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Thank you.

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"Yeah, that's the ticket"
launched my career.

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As every famous comedian knows,

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you're doomed if you don't have
a killer catchphrase.

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Larry the Cable Guy, "Git-R-Done."

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Jeff Foxworthy, "You might be a redneck."

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And Bill Cosby,
"Hey, hey, hey, drink this."

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Ooh.

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But what people don't realize

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is that the comedy catchphrase
was invented

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by the scientists
of the <i>Laugh-In</i> Institute for Laughs.

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Yeah, that's the ticket.

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<i>A gracious "hello."</i>

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<i>Is this the party to whom I am speaking?</i>

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<i>Uh, information?</i>

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<i>Yeah, listen. I'm in...
I'm in beautiful downtown Burbank.</i>

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<i>Can you get me an outside line?</i>

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<i>Yes, I'd like to call America.</i>

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<i>You bet your sweet bippy!</i>

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<i>- I bet my sweet bippy and lost it!
- What did he say?</i>

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<i>Look that up in your Funk and Wagnall's.</i>

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<i>I don't understand a word she said,
but when she says it...</i>

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<i>...who cares?</i>

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<i>Well, ring my chimes.</i>

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<i>A one for the money, two for the show...</i>

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<i>Here come da judge, he gonna get you.</i>

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<i>♪ Swear to tell the truth
And you better come clean ♪</i>

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<i>♪ 'Cause here come da judge
And he looks mighty mean ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Here come da judge
Here come da judge ♪</i>

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<i>♪ Here come da judge ♪</i>

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<i>Very interesting.</i>

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<i>I think that you are
very interesting, too.</i>

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<i>Sock it to me.</i>

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<i>Sock it to me.</i>

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<i>- Sock it to me.
- Sock it to me.</i>

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<i>Sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me,</i>

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<i>Night, Dick.</i>

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<i>- Goodnight, Dick.
- Dick?</i>

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Ladies and gentlemen, Lily Tomlin,
Ruth Buzzi, and Jo Anne Worley.

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Oh, my God.

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Wow!

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Thank you so much.

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Oh!

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Oh, my God, we all thank you so much.

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And as we're seeing tonight,

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<i>Laugh-In</i> was funny.

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And just as relevant today
as it was 50 years ago.

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And it all began thanks to a man
who is here tonight,

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who was and is a special part of my life.

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Of all our lives.

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George Schlatter.

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Yay!

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Very simply put,

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George is a comedy

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icon!

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And a real mensch.

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George, Georgie,

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Georgie, we love you.

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- Mm-hmm.
- Everyone loves you.

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Please join us in thanking George

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for creating <i>Laugh-In</i>

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and providing us all these laughs
for all these years!

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I love you.

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<i>My name is George Schlatter,</i>

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<i>and I was the executive producer
and creator of </i>Laugh-In.

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<i>George Schlatter, eh.</i>

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Laugh-In<i> was an adventure.</i>
Laugh-In<i> was an experiment.</i>

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<i>I really mean it. Let George do it.</i>

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00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:09,268
<i>I collected a group of people.</i>

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00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,937
<i>They were people
who didn't fit into sitcoms.</i>

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<i>They were not variety performers.</i>

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<i>They were just charming personalities
with a wonderful sense of humor.</i>

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<i>NBC, beautiful downtown Burbank.</i>

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<i>NBC didn't understand it.
They didn't even really like it.</i>

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<i>Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to television's first </i>Laugh-In.

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00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:27,972
<i>But they had nothing else
to put on</i>

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00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,855
<i>opposite Lucille Ball and </i>Gunsmoke.

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<i>I'm sorry, Lucy, but it's a living.</i>

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Laugh-In <i>had
a lot of accidents in it.</i>

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<i>Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Travis.
I thought you were... you were...</i>

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<i>We broke all kinds of rules.</i>

219
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<i>We forgot something.</i>

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<i>The joke wall was
one of my favorite segments.</i>

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<i>The doors would open up,
and it would get out of control.</i>

222
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<i>Hello, hello, hello.</i>

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<i>We were allowed
to go on doing a lot of...</i>

224
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<i>very strange, unusual,
and provocative things.</i>

225
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<i>You gotta get out there, kid.</i>

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<i>- I just can't go on like this.
- It's a full house. Shape up!</i>

227
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:02,520
<i>It was scripted,</i>

228
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<i>but rarely did they all do
what was on the page,</i>

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00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,026
<i>which is the magic of the show.</i>

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<i>Tonight, </i>Laugh-In<i> salutes the FBI.</i>

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<i>♪ Gimme an F, gimme a B
Gimme an I, I, I ♪</i>

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<i>We made fun of everything.
The rest is history.</i>

233
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<i>Oh, George!</i>

234
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<i>For a minute,
I thought you guys had changed.</i>

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I, actor, singer, dancer, sword-swallower,
Neil Patrick Harris...

236
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:45,898
I have hosted the Tonys, the Emmys,

237
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:48,467
and right here in the Dolby Theatre,
the Oscars.

238
00:12:50,302 --> 00:12:52,638
And so, I have gotten the chance

239
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:56,475
to do my fair share
of big, splashy musical numbers.

240
00:12:57,076 --> 00:13:00,679
I wasn't going to do one tonight,
but the producers, they kept asking.

241
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:05,017
I told them I didn't have an idea,
I couldn't find the right song,

242
00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:06,519
there wouldn't be time to rehearse,

243
00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:09,188
and most importantly,
I wasn't getting paid enough.

244
00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:14,193
But they opened their checkbooks,
and here we are.

245
00:13:18,597 --> 00:13:19,597
So...

246
00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:25,337
in the spirit of <i>Laugh-In's</i>
hilarious musical extravaganzas,

247
00:13:25,404 --> 00:13:27,206
here's a little something special,

248
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:28,674
just for you.

249
00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:38,050
Key of G. Hit it!

250
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:41,954
<i>And now,</i>

251
00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:43,556
<i>Rita Moreno and Rita Wilson.</i>

252
00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:47,626
<i>With Judy Carne and Artie Johnson.</i>

253
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:49,395
<i>♪ This is a groovy life</i> ♪

254
00:13:49,461 --> 00:13:50,930
<i>♪ This is a lot of fun ♪</i>

255
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:54,333
<i>♪ I may be black and blue
Before the season's done ♪</i>

256
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,603
<i>♪ In spite of chicken jokes
We're telling everyone ♪</i>

257
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,471
<i>♪ That it's a sock-it-to-me ♪</i>

258
00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:01,674
<i>♪ Very interesting ♪</i>

259
00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:04,043
♪ <i>Cuckoo Laugh-In world ♪</i>

260
00:14:04,109 --> 00:14:05,277
<i>- ♪ Dum! ♪
- ♪ Dum!</i> ♪

261
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:07,913
<i>- ♪ We never get uptight ♪
- ♪ We never hold a grudge</i> ♪

262
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:09,582
<i>♪ If worry's in the way ♪</i>

263
00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:11,183
<i>♪ We give a little nudge ♪</i>

264
00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:12,751
<i>♪ We let it all hang out ♪</i>

265
00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:14,820
<i>♪ And yell, "Here comes the judge" ♪</i>

266
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:16,522
<i>♪ 'Cause it's a sock-it-to-me ♪</i>

267
00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:18,657
<i>♪ Very interesting ♪</i>

268
00:14:18,724 --> 00:14:22,228
<i>♪ Cuckoo Laugh-In world ♪</i>

269
00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:24,930
<i>♪ Is this the Twilight Zone? ♪</i>

270
00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:26,398
<i>♪ This must be outer space ♪</i>

271
00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:29,635
<i>♪ And lovely downtown Burbank
Is the place ♪</i>

272
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,637
<i>♪ Where ballerinas quack ♪</i>

273
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,205
<i>♪ And run around the block ♪</i>

274
00:14:33,272 --> 00:14:35,741
<i>♪ And everybody says, "Knock, knock!" ♪</i>

275
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:37,877
- Who's there?
- Rita.

276
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:38,944
Me, too.

277
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:40,079
#MeToo.

278
00:14:40,145 --> 00:14:41,380
Someone touched you?

279
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:43,616
No, no. Me, too. My name is Rita.

280
00:14:45,651 --> 00:14:47,386
<i>♪ The elevators work ♪</i>

281
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:48,554
<i>♪ But never up and down</i> ♪

282
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,289
<i>♪ We're wearing roller skates ♪</i>

283
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:52,324
<i>♪ Beneath a velvet gown ♪</i>

284
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:55,527
<i>♪ We think that Charles De Gaulle
Is really quite a clown ♪</i>

285
00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:57,263
<i>♪ 'Cause it's a sock-it-to-me ♪</i>

286
00:14:57,963 --> 00:14:59,565
<i>♪ Very interesting ♪</i>

287
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,534
<i>♪ Cuckoo Laugh-In world ♪</i>

288
00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:05,004
Give a man a fish,
you'll feed him for a day.

289
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:07,539
Give a vegan a fish,
you'll get accused of a hate crime.

290
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:09,041
<i>Is that a chicken joke?</i>

291
00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:13,479
<i>♪ If we get really bored
And try a nutty trick</i> ♪

292
00:15:13,545 --> 00:15:16,949
<i>♪ If someone lays an egg
We pull another shtick ♪</i>

293
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:19,051
If you're picking a safeword,

294
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:21,453
stay away from "harder."

295
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:25,357
<i>♪ We always end the fun ♪</i>

296
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:26,902
<i>- ♪ By saying... ♪
- Goodnight, Dick.</i>

297
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,427
<i>♪ 'Cause it's a sock-it-to-me ♪</i>

298
00:15:29,194 --> 00:15:30,996
<i>♪ Very interesting ♪</i>

299
00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:33,532
<i>♪ Cuckoo Laugh-In world ♪</i>

300
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,668
<i>- It's a sock-it-to-me
- Sock-it-to-me</i>

301
00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,403
<i>- ♪ Sock-it-to-me ♪
- ♪ Sock-it-to-me ♪</i>

302
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:38,504
<i>♪ Sock-it-to-me ♪</i>

303
00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:42,908
<i>It is with a heavy heart</i>

304
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:44,643
<i>that we continue.</i>

305
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:47,179
<i>Very interesting.</i>

306
00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:49,415
<i>♪ Cuckoo ♪</i>

307
00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:54,219
<i>♪ Laugh-In world ♪</i>

308
00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:01,827
I heard Snoop Dogg is here.

309
00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:04,063
Actually, I smelled it.

310
00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:06,465
Wow, that's some dank shit.

311
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,812
Cheri, did you take my wallet?

312
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:23,015
What? I'm just keeping up
with the Cash-chic-ians.

313
00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:24,883
Oh, you mean the Kardashians.

314
00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:25,951
Potato, potahto.

315
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:34,093
Have you ever had a problem with bullying?

316
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,161
No, I've always been really good at it.

317
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,836
<i>I'm opposed to the literacy test.</i>

318
00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:46,605
<i>I mean, if you don't
have to be smart to run,</i>

319
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,774
<i>why should you have to be smart to vote?</i>

320
00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:55,381
Sex is like pizza.

321
00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:58,884
When it's good, it's really good.

322
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,019
But when it's bad,

323
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:01,687
it's still pretty good.

324
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:06,859
<i>Sonny and I are perfectly compatible.
As soon there's a problem,</i>

325
00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:10,029
<i>my psychiatrist contacts his psychiatrist,
and they work it out.</i>

326
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:18,737
Do you like your martinis
shaken or stirred?

327
00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:21,573
You know
how I like my martinis?

328
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,375
Paid for. Ooh.

329
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:28,947
Tonight's show has been pre-recorded
for our protection.

330
00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:31,383
Ladies and gentlemen, Jay Leno.

331
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:38,123
Well, I grew up in a house
that had one television,

332
00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:39,992
and it was in the living room,

333
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:43,562
and I would watch <i>Laugh-In</i>
with my mom and dad.

334
00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:49,168
And we would get maybe 15 to 18 minutes
into the show, and my mother would go,

335
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:52,271
"I think we've seen enough
of the <i>Laugh-In</i> people. Mm-hmm."

336
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:55,841
And we'd watch the last 40 minutes
of <i>Gunsmoke.</i>

337
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,529
So consequently,
there are parts of the show

338
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,345
I'm seeing tonight
for the very first time,

339
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:01,880
that I've never seen before.

340
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:05,150
In fact, I understand there's a segment
called <i>"Laugh-In</i> Looks At The News."

341
00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:07,319
It was cutting edge
with jokes about current events.

342
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:09,664
Poked fun at everything
from celebrities to the government,

343
00:18:09,688 --> 00:18:12,024
influenced just about every comic
of my generation,

344
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:15,127
and paved the way for shows
like <i>SNL, In Living Color,</i>

345
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:18,464
and the late-night comedy we love today,
so let's take a look.

346
00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:28,707
<i>♪ Want the news across the nation?</i> ♪

347
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:30,094
<i>Now with the news of the present,</i>

348
00:18:30,142 --> 00:18:31,877
<i>a man without whom
news wouldn't be news.</i>

349
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,712
<i>Here's Dickie!</i>

350
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,714
<i>Charleston, South Carolina.</i>

351
00:18:36,248 --> 00:18:39,985
<i>Dawn Simmons, the Englishman
who became a female,</i>

352
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:42,554
<i>recently gave birth to a baby boy.</i>

353
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,756
<i>A close friend commented,</i>

354
00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:48,560
<i>"I only hope he'll grow up to be
half the man his mother was."</i>

355
00:18:49,595 --> 00:18:52,064
<i>Many people suspect
that our news is doctored.</i>

356
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:54,531
<i>- How many Russians did you say were in?
- Fifteen.</i>

357
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:56,200
<i>Fifteen...</i>

358
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:59,338
<i>Joe, that could be serious.
We better make it ten Russians.</i>

359
00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:01,206
<i>How about five Russians?</i>

360
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:02,708
<i>Make it a couple.</i>

361
00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:04,543
<i>Where was this Russian born anyway?</i>

362
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,012
<i>Seventy-five miles
off the coast of Labrador.</i>

363
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:08,079
<i>Labrador.</i>

364
00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:10,415
<i>Well, nobody knows where that is.
Make it New England.</i>

365
00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:14,052
<i>"Seventy-five miles off the coast</i>

366
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:15,787
<i>of Massachusetts."</i>

367
00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:18,657
<i>No, round it out to 50 miles,
'cause I think that'll read better.</i>

368
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,225
<i>Maybe even 25.</i>

369
00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:21,292
<i>Let's not quibble.</i>

370
00:19:21,593 --> 00:19:23,395
<i>Put him a mile off of Boston Harbor.</i>

371
00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:26,031
<i>Representatives
of the National Rifle Association</i>

372
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:28,367
<i>said today that anyone who would sell guns</i>

373
00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:31,637
<i>to minors and unstable people
should be shot.</i>

374
00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:36,909
<i>I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen,
I don't have any news for you tonight.</i>

375
00:19:36,975 --> 00:19:38,577
<i>Here it is. Here it is, look.</i>

376
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:40,312
<i>Celebrity tennis tournament today.</i>

377
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:43,215
<i>A record crowd was on hand
to see Steve McQueen</i>

378
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:45,684
<i>win three straight sets from his wife!</i>

379
00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:49,988
<i>It can now be reliably reported</i>

380
00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:53,292
<i>that today,
Steve McQueen beat his wife badly</i>

381
00:19:53,358 --> 00:19:55,827
<i>in full view of a large crowd.</i>

382
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,367
Can we get a step ladder for Kevin Hart?

383
00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:09,174
This is just like Twitter,
but without all the death threats.

384
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:12,277
I'm Barbara Walters, and this year,

385
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:16,181
I'll be hosting
my own New Year's Eve special

386
00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:18,417
so I can finally say with confidence,

387
00:20:18,483 --> 00:20:20,118
"This is 2020."

388
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:22,721
<i>Where am I?</i>

389
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:26,191
If I have a psychotic episode at work,

390
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:28,527
can I write it off as a business trip?

391
00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:30,862
<i>No, it's too early for that.</i>

392
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:32,898
Mom!

393
00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:34,865
Mom!

394
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:37,836
We're out of toilet paper!

395
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,105
<i>I'll be the judge of that.</i>

396
00:20:40,472 --> 00:20:43,075
My wife found out
that I went to a massage parlor.

397
00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:44,542
Happy ending?

398
00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:46,044
No, we're still married.

399
00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:49,214
Contrary to popular belief,

400
00:20:49,281 --> 00:20:51,149
this show is not a rerun.

401
00:21:04,696 --> 00:21:06,598
Felicia? Ernestine.

402
00:21:06,665 --> 00:21:09,234
I've got a new job with some real power.

403
00:21:09,468 --> 00:21:12,137
I'm working
at a healthcare insurance corp...

404
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:13,972
...denying healthcare to everyone.

405
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:16,479
Oh, I got to go. I got a call coming in.

406
00:21:18,076 --> 00:21:21,847
Controlled Healthcare Insurance Corp,
claims department.

407
00:21:21,913 --> 00:21:23,949
Ernestine Tomlin speaking.

408
00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:27,386
Remember, an apple a day
keeps the doctor away.

409
00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:29,454
So does being uninsured.

410
00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:33,625
And what is your gripe <i>du jour?</i>

411
00:21:35,193 --> 00:21:36,561
Nope, not covered.

412
00:21:36,828 --> 00:21:40,132
No, being blind is
a pre-existing condition.

413
00:21:41,099 --> 00:21:42,868
You should have read the fine print.

414
00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:46,905
Claims Department, Ernestine.

415
00:21:47,406 --> 00:21:48,774
Nope. Not covered.

416
00:21:49,174 --> 00:21:52,110
Why don't you hop on the bus, Gus,
slip out the back, Jack,

417
00:21:52,177 --> 00:21:54,212
get a new plan, Stan?

418
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,882
Oh, I'm hot tonight.

419
00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:00,886
Claims Department, Ernestine.
It's your dime.

420
00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:03,121
You were shot in a subway?

421
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,524
Next time, eat at Quiznos.

422
00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:09,594
Claims Department, Ernestine.

423
00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:12,864
Nope, your plan does not cover
prescription drugs,

424
00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:14,866
and don't be a pill about it.

425
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:18,537
You know, you should try acupuncture.

426
00:22:19,538 --> 00:22:21,973
Of course we don't cover acupuncture.

427
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,809
I was just needling you.

428
00:22:26,812 --> 00:22:28,547
Claims Department, Ernestine.

429
00:22:29,414 --> 00:22:30,582
Nope. Not covered.

430
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:34,186
You must think that HMO
stands for "Help Me Out."

431
00:22:35,754 --> 00:22:39,424
Remember, your health is our business,
not our concern.

432
00:22:53,772 --> 00:22:55,707
<i>Do you believe in the hereafter?</i>

433
00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:57,442
<i>Of course I do.</i>

434
00:22:57,509 --> 00:23:00,011
<i>Then you know
what I'm here after.</i>

435
00:23:03,448 --> 00:23:04,683
<i>By any chance,</i>

436
00:23:04,750 --> 00:23:06,785
<i>are you two ladies brothers?</i>

437
00:23:08,754 --> 00:23:10,088
<i>Move over, will you?</i>

438
00:23:16,695 --> 00:23:18,363
<i>You wanna see a moon gotcha?</i>

439
00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:21,032
<i>What's a gotcha?</i>

440
00:23:21,833 --> 00:23:22,833
<i>See the moon?</i>

441
00:23:23,168 --> 00:23:24,035
<i>Gotcha!</i>

442
00:23:35,781 --> 00:23:38,283
- Oh.
- Ah!

443
00:23:38,483 --> 00:23:40,419
You're standing for me?

444
00:23:40,485 --> 00:23:42,154
Wow, that's new.

445
00:23:43,822 --> 00:23:45,624
And flowers for me?

446
00:23:46,858 --> 00:23:48,994
- Mmm.
- Mmm.

447
00:23:50,896 --> 00:23:53,465
Well, I guess guys can change.

448
00:23:57,002 --> 00:23:58,236
Ah!

449
00:23:58,637 --> 00:23:59,838
God, that hurt!

450
00:24:00,472 --> 00:24:03,208
Why did all that stuff get in your bag?
What's in it?

451
00:24:03,675 --> 00:24:07,045
Well, it's 2019.
I carry a lot of stuff now.

452
00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:09,047
Vape pen, my taser...

453
00:24:10,148 --> 00:24:11,183
What's that sound?

454
00:24:11,516 --> 00:24:13,952
- That's my vibrator.
- Oh, God!

455
00:24:15,387 --> 00:24:16,955
Wait a minute.

456
00:24:17,389 --> 00:24:20,258
You can't be Gladys's granddaughter.

457
00:24:20,325 --> 00:24:21,193
You're, uh...

458
00:24:21,259 --> 00:24:22,194
Black?

459
00:24:22,260 --> 00:24:24,095
Your words, not mine.

460
00:24:24,663 --> 00:24:27,332
I get it, I get it, I get it,
I get it, I get it!

461
00:24:27,399 --> 00:24:31,603
You're a modern, sophisticated, strong...

462
00:24:32,838 --> 00:24:34,139
beautiful,

463
00:24:34,639 --> 00:24:37,142
spiteful woman.

464
00:24:37,509 --> 00:24:40,679
- Okay, you're growing on me.
- Mmm.

465
00:24:40,745 --> 00:24:42,080
And you're kind of cute.

466
00:24:42,147 --> 00:24:45,317
What do you say you and me get a room,

467
00:24:45,383 --> 00:24:48,053
my little chocolate buttercup?

468
00:25:00,065 --> 00:25:00,966
God!

469
00:25:03,602 --> 00:25:06,505
We cannot come close to the funny that you

470
00:25:06,872 --> 00:25:10,208
and Artie Johnson did to these characters.

471
00:25:10,275 --> 00:25:14,112
- Aww.
- Ladies and gentlemen, the legendary

472
00:25:14,412 --> 00:25:16,715
- Ruth Buzzi.
- Oh!

473
00:25:24,089 --> 00:25:25,524
Are we having fun yet?

474
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:30,195
I sure am,

475
00:25:30,495 --> 00:25:33,965
and I can't wait to see Bill Maher
give the finger to someone.

476
00:25:34,933 --> 00:25:38,470
Sorry, the Fickle Finger of Fate
to someone.

477
00:25:39,571 --> 00:25:43,108
Okay, now seems like as good a time as any
to do my special musical number.

478
00:25:43,174 --> 00:25:44,476
Key of G. Hit it!

479
00:25:44,543 --> 00:25:46,945
Well, wait a minute, that's my key!

480
00:25:47,012 --> 00:25:49,447
<i>♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪</i>

481
00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:54,920
<i>♪ La ♪</i>

482
00:25:59,958 --> 00:26:02,394
You know, say what you will,
she still gets good volume.

483
00:26:24,149 --> 00:26:26,618
What's better than a lawyer?

484
00:26:27,018 --> 00:26:28,018
An alibi!

485
00:26:34,225 --> 00:26:36,461
<i>What do you think
of the population explosion?</i>

486
00:26:36,528 --> 00:26:39,998
<i>Well, you know what, doesn't bother me
a bit because I wear ear plugs.</i>

487
00:26:43,201 --> 00:26:46,538
My kids, Brasper and Lemongrass,
don't need vaccinations.

488
00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:49,674
I just send them off to school
and let the bullying do the rest.

489
00:26:56,114 --> 00:26:59,084
These days,
an old-fashioned Hollywood marriage

490
00:26:59,150 --> 00:27:03,154
is one where the sex videos
are only on VHS.

491
00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:08,827
<i>Mr. Hefner,</i>

492
00:27:09,327 --> 00:27:13,765
<i>Harry says I look like something
out of your </i>Playboy<i> centerfold.</i>

493
00:27:15,066 --> 00:27:16,768
<i>Yes, uh, the staple.</i>

494
00:27:24,175 --> 00:27:25,043
Hey.

495
00:27:27,379 --> 00:27:28,613
I don't have a joke.

496
00:27:28,947 --> 00:27:31,149
I'm just the eye candy.

497
00:27:36,721 --> 00:27:41,226
I told the bartender
to give me an Old Fashioned

498
00:27:41,292 --> 00:27:43,028
and make it stiff.

499
00:27:43,094 --> 00:27:45,830
Wow. Well, you're old-fashioned,
and I'm stiff.

500
00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,334
That was inappropriate.

501
00:27:55,173 --> 00:27:57,375
What's up, everybody?
My name is Kenya Barris,

502
00:27:57,442 --> 00:28:00,812
and I'm the creator of the Emmy-nominated,
boundary-pushing,

503
00:28:00,879 --> 00:28:02,914
genre-defining show, <i>Black-ish.</i>

504
00:28:06,818 --> 00:28:11,089
Our little show manages to stay
on people's minds in a very unique way,

505
00:28:11,156 --> 00:28:14,559
because each week we get an opportunity
to talk about important things,

506
00:28:14,626 --> 00:28:17,062
from police brutality to the N-word,

507
00:28:17,395 --> 00:28:19,964
to police using the N-word
while brutalizing us.

508
00:28:20,065 --> 00:28:21,933
You know, the basics.

509
00:28:22,567 --> 00:28:24,936
In fact, at <i>Black-ish,</i>
we talked about so much shit,

510
00:28:25,003 --> 00:28:27,138
including a certain
orange-faced president,

511
00:28:27,205 --> 00:28:28,707
that I can't be there anymore.

512
00:28:30,008 --> 00:28:33,745
But that's okay. It allowed me to become
a part of this amazing Netflix family,

513
00:28:33,812 --> 00:28:36,748
until I say some shit about fat people
and end up at Hulu.

514
00:28:39,884 --> 00:28:42,987
No, but seriously, as bummed as I was
about leaving ABC,

515
00:28:43,188 --> 00:28:44,422
I did it with no malice,

516
00:28:44,489 --> 00:28:46,858
because it took a lot of balls
for that network

517
00:28:46,925 --> 00:28:49,227
to talk about even half the stuff we did.

518
00:28:49,294 --> 00:28:51,796
See, nowadays, that's not something
that people do,

519
00:28:51,863 --> 00:28:54,499
talk about things,
especially things that offend people,

520
00:28:54,999 --> 00:28:57,135
which is crazy to me,
because 50 years ago,

521
00:28:57,202 --> 00:28:59,437
a ground-breaking show called <i>Laugh-In</i>

522
00:28:59,504 --> 00:29:02,006
was going farther
than I ever would have fucking dreamed of.

523
00:29:03,942 --> 00:29:06,111
<i>They're going to legalize homosexuals?</i>

524
00:29:06,478 --> 00:29:08,279
<i>Oh, no!</i>

525
00:29:08,346 --> 00:29:13,585
<i>Now that means I've got to take mine down
for a collar, a license, and shots.</i>

526
00:29:13,651 --> 00:29:15,653
<i>I have nothing against minorities,</i>

527
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:19,057
<i>but what happens when there's more of them
than there is of us?</i>

528
00:29:19,124 --> 00:29:22,193
<i>Please, no, um... Mexicans,</i>

529
00:29:22,627 --> 00:29:25,497
<i>Negroes, Indians, or, um...</i>

530
00:29:25,897 --> 00:29:29,667
<i>people of the, uh, Jewish... race.</i>

531
00:29:29,734 --> 00:29:31,603
Whoo!

532
00:29:31,669 --> 00:29:33,638
<i>Don't touch the contrast knob, folks.</i>

533
00:29:34,472 --> 00:29:35,472
<i>I'm colored.</i>

534
00:29:35,507 --> 00:29:39,410
<i>Did you hear the one about the two Jews
who hit this Arab with a Chinese pizza?</i>

535
00:29:40,779 --> 00:29:43,181
<i>And there'd be no trouble
in the Middle East</i>

536
00:29:43,381 --> 00:29:45,416
<i>if only the Israelis and the Arabs</i>

537
00:29:45,483 --> 00:29:47,485
<i>would start behaving like good Christians.</i>

538
00:29:47,552 --> 00:29:50,021
<i>They don't make us sit
in the back of the bus anymore,</i>

539
00:29:50,088 --> 00:29:52,648
<i>because they found out
most of the accidents happen in the front.</i>

540
00:29:53,591 --> 00:29:56,494
<i>You know, it used to be that kids
looked up to the cop on the beat.</i>

541
00:29:56,561 --> 00:29:58,830
<i>And now they're looking
to beat up on the cop.</i>

542
00:30:00,598 --> 00:30:03,434
<i>Well, the kids in my neighborhood
still look up to the cops.</i>

543
00:30:03,501 --> 00:30:06,738
<i>I mean, when you're flat on your back,
man, you've got to look up.</i>

544
00:30:06,805 --> 00:30:08,807
<i>We had an old-fashioned Thanksgiving.</i>

545
00:30:08,873 --> 00:30:11,442
<i>My granddaddy, the Colonel,
flew to New England</i>

546
00:30:11,509 --> 00:30:12,644
<i>and shot an Indian.</i>

547
00:30:12,710 --> 00:30:15,780
<i>Why don't you Americans
recognize the Red Chinese?</i>

548
00:30:16,347 --> 00:30:18,616
<i>Because to us, all Chinese look alike.</i>

549
00:30:19,017 --> 00:30:21,019
<i>Very interesting.</i>

550
00:30:21,085 --> 00:30:23,021
<i>I suppose you're wondering
why I asked you here.</i>

551
00:30:30,128 --> 00:30:31,128
It's crazy, right?

552
00:30:31,529 --> 00:30:34,599
I mean, if this show was on today,
every one of the writers and producers

553
00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:36,534
would be doing three to five
in Pelican Bay.

554
00:30:37,535 --> 00:30:41,439
You know, it's... I joke, but seriously,
it's not so easy being funny nowadays.

555
00:30:41,539 --> 00:30:45,009
That's why it warms my heart
to see the bold and brilliant work of art

556
00:30:45,076 --> 00:30:46,244
that <i>Laugh-In</i> was.

557
00:30:46,544 --> 00:30:47,584
Today, as a comedy writer,

558
00:30:47,645 --> 00:30:50,315
I feel more than ever,
comedy is under attack.

559
00:30:50,648 --> 00:30:52,817
The brilliant voices of Norman Lear,
my brother...

560
00:30:54,319 --> 00:30:55,420
<i>Saturday Night Live,</i>

561
00:30:55,486 --> 00:30:56,721
and of course, <i>Laugh-In,</i>

562
00:30:56,788 --> 00:30:58,990
would have a hard place
in the world we live in today.

563
00:30:59,057 --> 00:31:00,325
And that's disheartening.

564
00:31:00,625 --> 00:31:02,327
People like George Carlin,

565
00:31:02,393 --> 00:31:04,696
Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce,
Dick Gregory...

566
00:31:07,932 --> 00:31:10,201
Those... those were my heroes.

567
00:31:10,602 --> 00:31:12,637
The writers and performers
I grew up worshipping

568
00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:14,072
weren't just telling jokes.

569
00:31:14,439 --> 00:31:18,076
They were formalized intellectual outcries
to the country.

570
00:31:18,309 --> 00:31:21,379
They said things we all were feeling
but were afraid to say.

571
00:31:21,646 --> 00:31:23,548
And they said them in a fearless way

572
00:31:23,615 --> 00:31:26,317
that not only made people laugh,
it made them think.

573
00:31:26,384 --> 00:31:28,152
And subsequently, it changed the world.

574
00:31:28,219 --> 00:31:30,521
That's why it's so important
that we're here tonight,

575
00:31:30,588 --> 00:31:35,260
to honor the iconic show that pushed
boundaries and moved our culture forward.

576
00:31:35,860 --> 00:31:36,694
Thank you.

577
00:31:40,131 --> 00:31:42,800
<i>And now for an interesting change of pace.</i>

578
00:31:47,805 --> 00:31:48,805
Knock-knock.

579
00:31:49,107 --> 00:31:50,008
Who's there?

580
00:31:50,074 --> 00:31:51,876
Ah, go fuck yourselves.

581
00:31:52,443 --> 00:31:53,878
I do every night.

582
00:31:56,714 --> 00:31:58,116
<i>Oh, nut!</i>

583
00:31:59,450 --> 00:32:03,021
I have a problem
with my husband saying no to sex.

584
00:32:03,087 --> 00:32:06,524
Well, that's funny, because
I never had a problem with your husband.

585
00:32:07,725 --> 00:32:09,294
<i>That two-timer!</i>

586
00:32:10,395 --> 00:32:12,897
If Olivia Wilde married Kanye West,

587
00:32:12,964 --> 00:32:14,899
she'd be Olivia Wilde West.

588
00:32:18,036 --> 00:32:21,472
Hey, hey! I got to take pills
for an iron deficiency.

589
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:23,241
Are they working?

590
00:32:23,641 --> 00:32:25,877
I think so. I'm peeing rust.

591
00:32:28,913 --> 00:32:30,615
Show me a man
with both feet on the ground,

592
00:32:30,682 --> 00:32:33,051
and I'll show you someone
who's bad in bed.

593
00:32:36,821 --> 00:32:38,156
<i>My name is Edith Ann.</i>

594
00:32:38,456 --> 00:32:40,758
<i>But I don't have to say nothing
if I don't want to,</i>

595
00:32:40,825 --> 00:32:42,527
<i>because I'm going to have a baby.</i>

596
00:32:43,094 --> 00:32:47,298
God has a TV set,
and he binge-watches all of us on it.

597
00:32:47,699 --> 00:32:50,001
Whenever I think He is watching me,

598
00:32:50,401 --> 00:32:53,705
I always sing and dance
and do a commercial for myself.

599
00:32:54,138 --> 00:32:57,542
And any day now,
I expect to get my own show.

600
00:32:58,476 --> 00:32:59,310
Yes.

601
00:33:03,147 --> 00:33:04,048
Whoa.

602
00:33:08,319 --> 00:33:10,188
Hi.

603
00:33:11,489 --> 00:33:12,489
Hello.

604
00:33:12,623 --> 00:33:14,859
I am the fabled Fred Farkel,

605
00:33:15,059 --> 00:33:20,098
and I am so flattered to be part
of this fun and fantastic, fine night.

606
00:33:20,431 --> 00:33:24,769
If you're not familiar with me,
feast your eyes on this fab film.

607
00:33:27,972 --> 00:33:29,640
<i>Hold on, folk.</i>

608
00:33:29,707 --> 00:33:32,310
<i>Once again, it's time
for another visit with the...</i>

609
00:33:32,844 --> 00:33:35,013
<i>fabulous, friendly Farkel family.</i>

610
00:33:35,079 --> 00:33:36,614
- <i>What?!
- Farkel?</i>

611
00:33:36,681 --> 00:33:37,949
<i>People with red hair.</i>

612
00:33:38,016 --> 00:33:39,884
<i>- I'm Frank Farkel.
- I'm Fanny Farkel.</i>

613
00:33:39,951 --> 00:33:41,853
<i>- I'm Mark Farkel.
- I'm Sparkle Farkel.</i>

614
00:33:41,919 --> 00:33:44,122
<i>- I'm Smarty Farkel.
- I'm Artie Farkel.</i>

615
00:33:44,188 --> 00:33:45,056
<i>And we're the twins.</i>

616
00:33:45,123 --> 00:33:46,324
<i>- Simon...
- And Gar Farkel.</i>

617
00:33:46,391 --> 00:33:47,258
<i>- Simon...
- And Gar.</i>

618
00:33:47,325 --> 00:33:48,760
<i>We're the Farkel twins.</i>

619
00:33:49,260 --> 00:33:50,495
<i>And of course, her.</i>

620
00:33:50,561 --> 00:33:52,063
<i>- Hi!
- Flicker Farkel.</i>

621
00:33:53,164 --> 00:33:55,900
<i>And this is our dear friend
and trusted neighbor, Ferd Berfel.</i>

622
00:33:55,967 --> 00:33:56,801
<i>Ferd Berfel.</i>

623
00:33:56,868 --> 00:33:58,569
<i>- Hello, Ferd.
- Hello, Frank.</i>

624
00:33:58,636 --> 00:34:01,606
<i>A fine-looking family
you got there, Frank.</i>

625
00:34:01,906 --> 00:34:03,074
<i>Thanks, Ferd.</i>

626
00:34:04,008 --> 00:34:06,611
<i>Well, what's going to happen next?</i>

627
00:34:06,944 --> 00:34:09,280
<i>How come all the Farkel children...</i>

628
00:34:09,347 --> 00:34:10,381
<i>They certainly do.</i>

629
00:34:14,385 --> 00:34:17,722
<i>That's a fine-looking family of Farkels
you got there, Ferd.</i>

630
00:34:17,789 --> 00:34:20,091
<i>Ferd's a Berfel. We're Farkels.</i>

631
00:34:20,158 --> 00:34:23,038
<i>Oh, yes, of course they are. Of course.
I should have seen it right away.</i>

632
00:34:23,094 --> 00:34:24,734
<i>They're the spitting image of you, Frank.</i>

633
00:34:24,762 --> 00:34:27,098
<i>Well, as my brother Paul
in Pittsburgh says,</i>

634
00:34:27,165 --> 00:34:29,233
<i>you can't tell a Farkel by its cover,</i>

635
00:34:29,300 --> 00:34:32,470
<i>so Ferd unto others
as you would have them Farkel onto you.</i>

636
00:34:32,537 --> 00:34:34,105
<i>♪ Do the Farkel ♪</i>

637
00:34:34,172 --> 00:34:35,773
<i>♪ Do the Farkel ♪</i>

638
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:40,578
<i>♪ And we'll Fark, Fark, Fark, Fark, Farkle
Daylight till dark ♪</i>

639
00:34:46,517 --> 00:34:48,986
<i>A Farkel a day keeps the Berfel away.</i>

640
00:34:54,625 --> 00:34:56,294
Key of G! Hit it!

641
00:34:58,563 --> 00:35:00,131
Ah, suckers!

642
00:35:07,705 --> 00:35:09,240
That was wacky.

643
00:35:09,807 --> 00:35:12,743
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Michael Douglas.

644
00:35:14,412 --> 00:35:15,412
Thank you.

645
00:35:15,913 --> 00:35:17,615
Hey, thanks. Thank you.

646
00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:21,018
Thank you. Thank you very much.

647
00:35:22,386 --> 00:35:23,921
When <i>Laugh-In</i> premiered,

648
00:35:24,288 --> 00:35:27,925
I was studying drama at the University
of California, Santa Barbara.

649
00:35:28,426 --> 00:35:32,163
And so, with its hilarious take
on politics and cultural references,

650
00:35:32,230 --> 00:35:34,599
and I mean all types of culture,

651
00:35:34,999 --> 00:35:37,401
it hit the right note with my crowd.

652
00:35:38,202 --> 00:35:40,905
And I noticed
that all of the cool people in Hollywood

653
00:35:40,972 --> 00:35:43,774
were making appearances on the show, so,

654
00:35:44,475 --> 00:35:48,446
when I got back home,
I told my dad, Kirk, about it.

655
00:35:49,347 --> 00:35:52,884
Now, keep in mind
that my dad had just played <i>Spartacus.</i>

656
00:35:53,851 --> 00:35:57,588
And at that time, that was about
as cool as you could get, all right,

657
00:35:57,955 --> 00:35:59,724
but he had not done <i>Laugh-In.</i>

658
00:36:00,024 --> 00:36:03,027
And I told him
if he wanted to be really cool,

659
00:36:03,227 --> 00:36:05,029
he should pick up the phone

660
00:36:05,096 --> 00:36:06,898
and call George Schlatter.

661
00:36:07,899 --> 00:36:09,767
And here's what happened.

662
00:36:12,303 --> 00:36:15,406
<i>Look it's...
No, look so they can see.</i>

663
00:36:15,473 --> 00:36:18,042
<i>That's him. And look at the Molexander,
right there!</i>

664
00:36:19,310 --> 00:36:20,778
<i>My mother will be so happy.</i>

665
00:36:21,379 --> 00:36:24,615
<i>You know,
if Kirk Douglas married Phyllis Kirk,</i>

666
00:36:24,682 --> 00:36:28,052
<i>and she divorced him
and married Douglas Fairbanks Jr.,</i>

667
00:36:28,252 --> 00:36:30,521
<i>and married Justice William O. Douglas,</i>

668
00:36:30,588 --> 00:36:34,091
<i>she'd be Phyllis
Kirk-Kirk-Douglas-Douglas-Douglas.</i>

669
00:36:34,825 --> 00:36:35,893
<i>Sock it to me!</i>

670
00:36:36,327 --> 00:36:37,662
<i>Sock it to me!</i>

671
00:36:38,062 --> 00:36:39,597
<i>Sock it to me!</i>

672
00:36:39,964 --> 00:36:43,167
<i>Hey, who do I have to be nice to
to get off this show?</i>

673
00:36:46,404 --> 00:36:47,838
Sock it to me.

674
00:36:49,140 --> 00:36:52,543
So all these years later,
he's glad he did the show,

675
00:36:52,977 --> 00:36:55,546
but Dad wasn't
the only Academy Award winner

676
00:36:55,613 --> 00:36:59,917
to grace the multicolored stage
in beautiful downtown Burbank.

677
00:37:00,451 --> 00:37:05,456
Here are some of the more famous members
of the elite Oscar club.

678
00:37:09,794 --> 00:37:13,698
<i>Our special guest is a young lady
who used to be a regular on this show.</i>

679
00:37:13,764 --> 00:37:16,000
<i>She went on to become an Oscar winner.</i>

680
00:37:16,067 --> 00:37:19,804
<i>I'd like to thank all the little people
who stood in my way</i>

681
00:37:19,870 --> 00:37:21,872
<i>before I pushed them aside.</i>

682
00:37:21,939 --> 00:37:24,408
<i>What will you do
if you don't win the Academy Award?</i>

683
00:37:24,475 --> 00:37:27,812
<i>Oh, nothing unusual. There's been
a lot of suicides in my family.</i>

684
00:37:28,579 --> 00:37:31,325
<i>Michael, tell me confidentially,
what do you really think of </i>Laugh-In?

685
00:37:31,349 --> 00:37:35,119
<i>Well, actually, it's rather like cricket.
No one seems to understand it.</i>

686
00:37:35,186 --> 00:37:37,588
<i>I'm so happy to be here,
I could drop a log.</i>

687
00:37:39,690 --> 00:37:41,292
<i>Mr. Welles, this is so...</i>

688
00:37:41,359 --> 00:37:42,560
<i>I... This is the... I want...</i>

689
00:37:42,627 --> 00:37:44,771
<i>You know what? I'm so excited.
The thing about it is...</i>

690
00:37:44,795 --> 00:37:47,474
<i>when I used to listen to you on the radio,
when you were</i> The Shadow...

691
00:37:47,498 --> 00:37:48,966
<i>There's an odd couple.</i>

692
00:37:49,333 --> 00:37:51,035
<i>What do you mean, they said I was short?</i>

693
00:37:52,403 --> 00:37:55,673
<i>You know, do what you...
You know, when you used to...</i>

694
00:37:55,740 --> 00:37:56,807
<i>You would...</i>

695
00:37:56,874 --> 00:37:59,110
<i>I'm a star! I'm a hit!</i>

696
00:38:01,712 --> 00:38:02,580
<i>I'm a maid.</i>

697
00:38:02,647 --> 00:38:03,647
<i>Teresa,</i>

698
00:38:04,115 --> 00:38:05,182
<i>I think I love you.</i>

699
00:38:05,616 --> 00:38:06,717
<i>You're in a lot of trouble.</i>

700
00:38:06,784 --> 00:38:07,985
<i>That was a quickie.</i>

701
00:38:08,286 --> 00:38:10,998
<i>John and I have never been able
to check into a hotel in this country.</i>

702
00:38:11,022 --> 00:38:12,256
- <i>Oh, pity.
- Yes.</i>

703
00:38:12,323 --> 00:38:15,192
<i>See, the minute I sign the register
"Mr. and Mrs. John Smith"...</i>

704
00:38:15,259 --> 00:38:16,494
<i>Right out.</i>

705
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,397
<i>I've worked in every phase
of show business,</i>

706
00:38:19,497 --> 00:38:20,898
<i>legitimate theater,</i>

707
00:38:20,965 --> 00:38:23,034
<i>films, television,</i>

708
00:38:23,100 --> 00:38:24,902
<i>now... this.</i>

709
00:38:25,436 --> 00:38:27,638
<i>Due to circumstances beyond my control,</i>

710
00:38:27,705 --> 00:38:29,640
Laugh-In<i> will return in just a moment.</i>

711
00:38:30,141 --> 00:38:33,511
Will Bill Maher give someone the finger?

712
00:38:33,577 --> 00:38:36,847
Will Snoop Dogg light up the joint?

713
00:38:36,914 --> 00:38:41,218
Will Neil Patrick Harris ever get
the chance to finish his song?

714
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:45,690
How the hell should I know the answers
to these burning questions?

715
00:38:52,229 --> 00:38:55,366
Yesterday I tried
a do-it-yourself bikini wax.

716
00:38:55,433 --> 00:38:56,300
Tell me more.

717
00:38:56,367 --> 00:38:58,135
Well, there's nothing left to tell.

718
00:39:03,207 --> 00:39:05,609
<i>Oh, my feet wouldn't stop.</i>

719
00:39:08,212 --> 00:39:10,781
Show me a drunken white supremacist,

720
00:39:10,848 --> 00:39:14,752
and I'll show you a man
who's four sheets to the wind.

721
00:39:14,819 --> 00:39:16,287
What the fuck does that mean?

722
00:39:20,291 --> 00:39:22,393
So, how's the show going so far?

723
00:39:22,893 --> 00:39:24,628
Great, if you skip this part.

724
00:39:28,799 --> 00:39:30,544
<i>You know,
my wife just doesn't understand me.</i>

725
00:39:30,568 --> 00:39:32,770
<i>Oh, you married men are all the same.</i>

726
00:39:32,837 --> 00:39:35,539
<i>No, I mean it, she doesn't understand me.
She's Swahili.</i>

727
00:39:38,743 --> 00:39:42,513
The President was right
about creating more jobs.

728
00:39:42,913 --> 00:39:44,081
Too bad for him,

729
00:39:44,281 --> 00:39:47,385
the jobs are all
in the Special Prosecutor's office.

730
00:39:52,156 --> 00:39:54,925
<i>And now, as part
of the educational section of our program,</i>

731
00:39:54,992 --> 00:39:58,963
<i>here's Goldie Hawn who will explain to you
what it means when you hear the term,</i>

732
00:39:59,029 --> 00:40:00,931
<i>"This show is pre-recorded."</i>

733
00:40:01,532 --> 00:40:04,668
<i>If this show were live,
I'd be standing here talking to you now,</i>

734
00:40:04,735 --> 00:40:06,470
<i>but I'm not. I'm here weeks ago.</i>

735
00:40:06,537 --> 00:40:08,506
<i>That means that this show
is done a long time</i>

736
00:40:08,572 --> 00:40:10,241
<i>before I do it in front of you.</i>

737
00:40:10,307 --> 00:40:12,576
<i>As a matter of fact,
I should be in Pittsburgh right now.</i>

738
00:40:12,643 --> 00:40:15,613
<i>I could be, except it's too cold,
and anyway, I'm home.</i>

739
00:40:15,679 --> 00:40:18,115
<i>But I can't...
You can't see me because I'm here.</i>

740
00:40:18,182 --> 00:40:19,283
<i>I thank you.</i>

741
00:40:19,350 --> 00:40:21,752
<i>Actually, I'm not thanking you now,
but a long time ago,</i>

742
00:40:21,819 --> 00:40:23,320
<i>so I should say thanked you.</i>

743
00:40:23,521 --> 00:40:24,522
<i>I've thanked you.</i>

744
00:40:25,089 --> 00:40:26,490
<i>Thank...</i>

745
00:40:26,557 --> 00:40:28,759
Meanwhile, back at the ranch,

746
00:40:28,859 --> 00:40:31,595
here are Chelsea Handler
and Mary McCormack.

747
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:38,135
It's so great to be here with another...

748
00:40:38,602 --> 00:40:39,937
fellow funny lady.

749
00:40:40,004 --> 00:40:41,071
Thank you, thank you.

750
00:40:41,138 --> 00:40:43,507
There are so many amazing women
here tonight

751
00:40:43,574 --> 00:40:45,342
paying tribute to<i> Laugh-In,</i>

752
00:40:45,409 --> 00:40:48,012
- and it really, really makes me smile.
- Me, too.

753
00:40:48,078 --> 00:40:52,016
But it would be wrong
to celebrate the women of <i>Laugh-In</i>

754
00:40:52,082 --> 00:40:56,787
without mentioning how groundbreaking
the show was when it came to sexism.

755
00:40:56,854 --> 00:41:01,826
Yes, <i>Laugh-In</i> defied that stupid,
sexist stereotype that has persisted

756
00:41:02,159 --> 00:41:03,861
and gone on to this day,

757
00:41:03,928 --> 00:41:06,397
that silly idea that men aren't funny.

758
00:41:08,732 --> 00:41:10,835
"Men aren't funny"...

759
00:41:11,802 --> 00:41:14,972
has been a poisonous idea
for centuries now.

760
00:41:15,940 --> 00:41:18,919
- Because of course men are funny, right?
- I mean, not all of them are funny.

761
00:41:18,943 --> 00:41:19,777
No, not all.

762
00:41:19,844 --> 00:41:22,146
We found out some pretty bad stuff
over the last year.

763
00:41:22,213 --> 00:41:24,482
I mean, a couple guys
masturbated into plants.

764
00:41:24,548 --> 00:41:26,917
- It wasn't great.
- So, those guys aren't fucking funny.

765
00:41:26,984 --> 00:41:29,553
- No, it wasn't great.
- But there are guys that are funny-funny.

766
00:41:29,620 --> 00:41:31,188
Yeah. I mean,<i> Laugh-In</i> knew that.

767
00:41:31,255 --> 00:41:34,592
They knew that men had the potential
to be funny.

768
00:41:35,326 --> 00:41:40,130
And although a lot of people said,
"Funny men?" in 1968...

769
00:41:40,464 --> 00:41:41,398
Too soon.

770
00:41:43,767 --> 00:41:46,103
- It was so unfair.
- It really was unfair.

771
00:41:46,170 --> 00:41:50,040
But <i>Laugh-In,</i> like a lot of men,
wouldn't take no for an answer.

772
00:41:55,980 --> 00:41:57,615
In the end, it all worked out,

773
00:41:57,681 --> 00:42:00,117
and men got a chance
to show they could compete.

774
00:42:00,184 --> 00:42:01,485
And be on a show...

775
00:42:02,152 --> 00:42:05,256
with these amazing ladies.

776
00:42:11,495 --> 00:42:12,495
<i>Women.</i>

777
00:42:13,030 --> 00:42:14,131
<i>Women, indeed.</i>

778
00:42:14,198 --> 00:42:16,233
<i>What I think about women is,</i>

779
00:42:16,300 --> 00:42:19,703
<i>because first, the men...
The thing is, they're so... The thing is...</i>

780
00:42:19,770 --> 00:42:22,773
<i>It's great, but they're so...
They're so... The thing is...</i>

781
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:25,552
<i>Sometimes, and if you walk in,
you walk down, and sometimes you see...</i>

782
00:42:25,576 --> 00:42:29,313
<i>You wanna be... If you're a little flirta...
You walk in and say, you give a little hi.</i>

783
00:42:29,380 --> 00:42:33,317
<i>♪ How can I be
A little bit more like you ♪</i>

784
00:42:33,784 --> 00:42:34,919
<i>♪ Miss Welch? ♪</i>

785
00:42:34,985 --> 00:42:37,421
<i>- Try a sexy walk.
- Walk!</i>

786
00:42:37,488 --> 00:42:39,523
<i>- Come on, Gladys, let's get it together.
- Okay.</i>

787
00:42:40,491 --> 00:42:41,725
<i>I told you I got it.</i>

788
00:42:42,293 --> 00:42:43,360
<i>Yes.</i>

789
00:42:43,427 --> 00:42:45,095
<i>And I think I got it, too.</i>

790
00:42:48,566 --> 00:42:50,401
<i>Hello. I'm your Judy doll.</i>

791
00:42:50,668 --> 00:42:52,036
<i>You can play catch with me.</i>

792
00:42:52,236 --> 00:42:53,737
<i>You can play house with me.</i>

793
00:42:53,804 --> 00:42:56,607
<i>But try to play doctor with me,
and I'll break your face.</i>

794
00:42:56,674 --> 00:42:58,275
<i>Oh! Oh!</i>

795
00:42:58,342 --> 00:43:00,110
<i>- You know, Dan?
- Hmm?</i>

796
00:43:00,177 --> 00:43:01,946
<i>it's awful lonely at the top.</i>

797
00:43:03,948 --> 00:43:06,016
<i>♪ It's lucky to be a woman ♪</i>

798
00:43:06,083 --> 00:43:08,185
<i>♪ Whenever a crime occurs ♪</i>

799
00:43:08,285 --> 00:43:10,854
<i>♪ But, honey, the law is on our ♪</i>

800
00:43:10,921 --> 00:43:12,957
<i>♪ Sweetie, the law is on our ♪</i>

801
00:43:13,324 --> 00:43:15,259
<i>♪ Darlin', the law is on our ♪</i>

802
00:43:15,326 --> 00:43:17,161
<i>♪ Here is the truth
The whole damn truth ♪</i>

803
00:43:17,227 --> 00:43:19,363
<i>♪ And nothing but the truth ♪</i>

804
00:43:21,432 --> 00:43:25,002
Meanwhile, in an abandoned warehouse
on the other side of town,

805
00:43:25,069 --> 00:43:27,304
please welcome Billy Crystal.

806
00:43:27,471 --> 00:43:28,505
Thank you.

807
00:43:34,111 --> 00:43:36,013
Thank you. Thanks for staying.
I was, uh...

808
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:37,948
I was clean-shaven when this started.

809
00:43:42,786 --> 00:43:44,855
Now every week on <i>Laugh-In,</i>
Dan, Dick, and the cast

810
00:43:44,922 --> 00:43:47,358
made fun of the ridiculous,
the incomprehensible,

811
00:43:47,424 --> 00:43:49,293
the stupid, and the corrupt.

812
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,061
In other words, Washington.

813
00:43:52,062 --> 00:43:53,840
Now, it's one of the great strengths
of our country

814
00:43:53,864 --> 00:43:55,909
that we're allowed to laugh
at our political leaders,

815
00:43:55,933 --> 00:43:57,935
and they've always been able to take it,

816
00:43:58,335 --> 00:43:59,336
until now.

817
00:44:00,571 --> 00:44:02,339
I mean, can you imagine President Trump?

818
00:44:02,406 --> 00:44:04,341
'Cause I can't. I just still can't.

819
00:44:04,842 --> 00:44:05,676
And...

820
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:11,080
It feels like...

821
00:44:11,315 --> 00:44:15,052
It actually feels like I'm directing
a movie about the government,

822
00:44:15,119 --> 00:44:18,188
and they cut to the Oval Office
and he's there, and I want to go,

823
00:44:18,255 --> 00:44:19,890
"Cut, cut, cut. Who is this?

824
00:44:21,792 --> 00:44:23,060
First team, please."

825
00:44:23,827 --> 00:44:25,195
But can you imagine if...

826
00:44:28,065 --> 00:44:30,734
I was backstage a long time.
I'm just getting relaxed.

827
00:44:32,002 --> 00:44:36,440
Can you imagine his tweets
if <i>Laugh-In</i> were on the air today?

828
00:44:37,541 --> 00:44:40,310
It might go something like this.

829
00:44:40,711 --> 00:44:41,645
"Hey, <i>Laugh-In.</i>

830
00:44:41,712 --> 00:44:44,081
The only thing I like
is the German Soldier.

831
00:44:51,789 --> 00:44:54,091
There were funny people on both sides.

832
00:44:55,559 --> 00:44:58,162
#TomorrowBelongsToMe."

833
00:45:01,098 --> 00:45:02,533
"Hey, failing <i>Laugh-In,</i>

834
00:45:02,833 --> 00:45:04,568
if you're gonna have bikinis on the show,

835
00:45:04,635 --> 00:45:08,072
you're going to want people
with big breasts like Stormy Daniels or...

836
00:45:13,043 --> 00:45:14,244
Or Chris Christie."

837
00:45:17,014 --> 00:45:17,881
"Hey, Dan and Dick.

838
00:45:17,948 --> 00:45:20,551
Stop threatening me
with the 'Here come da judge' line.

839
00:45:20,617 --> 00:45:21,819
I know what you're up to.

840
00:45:21,885 --> 00:45:24,054
#LeftySocialistBullshit."

841
00:45:28,692 --> 00:45:29,793
"Hey, <i>Laugh-In.</i>

842
00:45:29,860 --> 00:45:32,329
I like the joke wall. Walls work!

843
00:45:35,199 --> 00:45:37,234
Let me ask, did Mexico pay for it?

844
00:45:37,301 --> 00:45:39,002
Look I'm already wittier than you.

845
00:45:39,069 --> 00:45:41,705
#PhunniestPresidentEver."

846
00:45:42,072 --> 00:45:43,107
Oh, jeez.

847
00:45:44,341 --> 00:45:45,341
Now...

848
00:45:45,909 --> 00:45:48,512
probably the most famous political moment
on <i>Laugh-In</i>

849
00:45:48,579 --> 00:45:50,347
was in 1968,

850
00:45:50,414 --> 00:45:53,984
when Richard Nixon came on the show
and uttered just four words.

851
00:45:54,051 --> 00:45:57,921
And when you watch it,
watch his inflection and his rhythm,

852
00:45:57,988 --> 00:46:01,091
and it'll tell you everything
you need to know about that guy.

853
00:46:01,158 --> 00:46:02,993
Now, his opponent was Hubert Humphrey,

854
00:46:03,060 --> 00:46:06,130
and Hubert Humphrey was given
the same offer to be on the show,

855
00:46:06,196 --> 00:46:07,865
but Mr. Humphrey declined.

856
00:46:08,298 --> 00:46:10,367
Nixon narrowly wins,

857
00:46:10,434 --> 00:46:12,236
and many experts to this day

858
00:46:12,569 --> 00:46:15,606
believe it was that moment on prime time
on <i>Laugh-In</i>

859
00:46:15,672 --> 00:46:18,008
in front of 40 million people

860
00:46:18,308 --> 00:46:19,676
that made the difference,

861
00:46:19,743 --> 00:46:22,846
and that put Richard Nixon
in the White House.

862
00:46:22,913 --> 00:46:23,913
<i>Laugh-In,</i>

863
00:46:24,281 --> 00:46:25,281
fuck you.

864
00:46:31,388 --> 00:46:33,157
<i>Sock it to me?</i>

865
00:46:33,223 --> 00:46:36,360
<i>If the war between the administration
and the news media gets any worse,</i>

866
00:46:36,426 --> 00:46:39,930
<i>the President may demand total withdrawal
of reporters from Washington.</i>

867
00:46:40,898 --> 00:46:43,267
<i>Of course, the reporters may request
that he accompany them.</i>

868
00:46:43,333 --> 00:46:45,769
<i>As one of the nation's
leading politicians,</i>

869
00:46:45,836 --> 00:46:49,373
<i>would you tell us, please, what you think
of the far right conservatives?</i>

870
00:46:49,439 --> 00:46:52,142
<i>Well, I think they're fine, dedicated men</i>

871
00:46:52,209 --> 00:46:56,413
<i>who stake their views and promote
their ideas with integrity and conviction.</i>

872
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:58,215
<i>And may I quote you on this, sir?</i>

873
00:46:58,282 --> 00:46:59,349
<i>No.</i>

874
00:46:59,416 --> 00:47:03,387
<i>You know, if your president doesn't want
instant analysis of his speeches,</i>

875
00:47:03,453 --> 00:47:07,157
<i>he shouldn't be giving speeches
that can be instantly analyzed.</i>

876
00:47:09,126 --> 00:47:11,128
<i>You should get out of Vietnam, you know.</i>

877
00:47:11,695 --> 00:47:14,531
<i>It's a war you can't win.
And you can't afford to lose.</i>

878
00:47:15,232 --> 00:47:17,234
<i>It's much the same position England was in</i>

879
00:47:17,301 --> 00:47:20,237
<i>when your George Washington
started his ruckus with us.</i>

880
00:47:20,304 --> 00:47:24,741
<i>"All citizens shall have the right
to maintain and bear arms."</i>

881
00:47:24,808 --> 00:47:26,844
<i>No. No, I'm afraid that won't do.</i>

882
00:47:26,910 --> 00:47:29,813
<i>You see, then every nut in the country
will be running around with a gun.</i>

883
00:47:31,014 --> 00:47:36,053
<i>You know that in America, people are free
to protest and criticize our government?</i>

884
00:47:36,119 --> 00:47:39,423
<i>Oh, Mr. Rowan,
it's same thing in old country.</i>

885
00:47:39,489 --> 00:47:42,559
<i>- Oh, yeah?
- Free to protest and criticize</i>

886
00:47:42,626 --> 00:47:44,127
<i>- your government.
- Oh!</i>

887
00:47:44,194 --> 00:47:46,597
<i>I'd like to leave you
with this thought, friends.</i>

888
00:47:46,930 --> 00:47:49,566
<i>An America at war with someone else</i>

889
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:52,536
<i>is an America at peace with itself.</i>

890
00:47:53,003 --> 00:47:55,939
<i>Remember, make war, not love.</i>

891
00:47:59,810 --> 00:48:00,810
<i>We still on?</i>

892
00:48:02,379 --> 00:48:05,716
Tonight's show was taped
in front of a studio audience

893
00:48:05,782 --> 00:48:07,317
against their will.

894
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:11,955
<i>News of the future, 20 years from now,</i>

895
00:48:12,022 --> 00:48:16,293
<i>scientists who have been experimenting
with marijuana for the past 20 years</i>

896
00:48:16,660 --> 00:48:19,930
<i>emerge from their laboratory
with two important conclusions.</i>

897
00:48:19,997 --> 00:48:23,734
<i>First, they say marijuana is
completely harmless,</i>

898
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:25,135
<i>and second, they say,</i>

899
00:48:25,202 --> 00:48:26,837
<i>"The Moon is trying to kill us."</i>

900
00:48:29,907 --> 00:48:33,610
And now, please welcome Snoop Dog
and Michael Rapaport.

901
00:48:41,318 --> 00:48:43,387
Good evening, good evening.

902
00:48:44,254 --> 00:48:45,522
Good evening, everybody.

903
00:48:46,657 --> 00:48:48,859
My name is Big Snoop D-O-double-G.

904
00:48:48,926 --> 00:48:52,462
And I am Michael Rapaport
and this is CNN...

905
00:48:53,230 --> 00:48:54,064
N.

906
00:48:55,365 --> 00:48:57,534
The Cannabis News Network...

907
00:48:58,268 --> 00:48:59,169
News.

908
00:49:00,304 --> 00:49:02,539
Sorry, we were high
when we named it, uh...

909
00:49:02,973 --> 00:49:06,376
We are a wholly owned subsidiary
of the Double-G-N News Network.

910
00:49:06,576 --> 00:49:08,245
And so, here to give you the 411...

911
00:49:08,312 --> 00:49:09,379
I mean, the 420.

912
00:49:11,014 --> 00:49:12,349
Our lead story,

913
00:49:12,749 --> 00:49:16,019
more and more states are joining
in the legalization of marijuana.

914
00:49:16,253 --> 00:49:17,721
- We got Nevada.
- Yeah.

915
00:49:17,788 --> 00:49:19,189
- We got Colorado.
- Yeah.

916
00:49:19,256 --> 00:49:20,257
We got Oregon.

917
00:49:20,557 --> 00:49:22,259
And, of course, we got California.

918
00:49:25,529 --> 00:49:27,831
And New Jersey governor Phil Murphy,

919
00:49:28,065 --> 00:49:31,368
he wants to include marijuana revenue
into the state budget.

920
00:49:31,435 --> 00:49:34,604
Finally a reason
to live in fucking New Jersey!

921
00:49:36,406 --> 00:49:39,076
But it's still not enough.
Listen, I'm from New York City.

922
00:49:39,142 --> 00:49:40,711
We need weed.

923
00:49:40,777 --> 00:49:43,113
Do you see how uptight these people are
on the subway?

924
00:49:43,180 --> 00:49:44,180
Mike!

925
00:49:45,716 --> 00:49:47,117
They need to get blazed.

926
00:49:53,156 --> 00:49:55,559
And now, it's time for a break.

927
00:49:56,593 --> 00:49:58,528
Hi. I'm high.

928
00:50:00,497 --> 00:50:01,965
Many people say, "Snoop,

929
00:50:02,699 --> 00:50:04,201
how can I get high with you?"

930
00:50:04,468 --> 00:50:05,469
Before, I would say,

931
00:50:06,470 --> 00:50:07,971
"You can't, little white boy."

932
00:50:09,573 --> 00:50:12,342
But now, with LBS, Leafs By Snoop,

933
00:50:12,976 --> 00:50:16,013
it not only makes you feel
like you're smoking with the Dogg,

934
00:50:16,079 --> 00:50:19,082
but it also makes you feel
like you rolled one with me, too, dude.

935
00:50:20,050 --> 00:50:21,852
So if you want to be fly like me,

936
00:50:22,285 --> 00:50:23,487
or get high like me,

937
00:50:23,687 --> 00:50:26,490
hit me up on IG, #LBS.

938
00:50:26,556 --> 00:50:27,891
Back to Mike.

939
00:50:31,161 --> 00:50:33,797
According to <i>Entrepreneur </i>mag...

940
00:50:34,031 --> 00:50:36,099
According to <i>Entrepreneur</i> magazine...

941
00:50:36,466 --> 00:50:37,466
Let me start that again.

942
00:50:37,801 --> 00:50:38,802
A...

943
00:50:39,403 --> 00:50:40,404
This shit is real.

944
00:50:55,218 --> 00:50:56,119
Mm-hmm.

945
00:50:56,186 --> 00:50:57,921
Snoop, Michael.

946
00:50:58,255 --> 00:51:00,223
Y'all know y'all can't be smoking
in this theater.

947
00:51:00,857 --> 00:51:02,092
Wait, we-we-we-we can't?

948
00:51:02,159 --> 00:51:03,326
No, why smoke

949
00:51:03,593 --> 00:51:05,362
when I got edibles, baby!

950
00:51:11,535 --> 00:51:12,536
Give me one of them.

951
00:51:14,838 --> 00:51:15,906
You want some?

952
00:51:17,908 --> 00:51:19,009
Pot for everybody.

953
00:51:22,045 --> 00:51:23,146
Come on, Tiff.

954
00:51:24,347 --> 00:51:26,616
Tiff, the police coming. Police!

955
00:51:35,525 --> 00:51:38,395
Now that was some good shit.

956
00:51:42,065 --> 00:51:43,065
Hello.

957
00:51:45,001 --> 00:51:46,001
Thank you.

958
00:51:47,104 --> 00:51:48,538
Thank you very much.

959
00:51:48,605 --> 00:51:50,207
Wow, what an honor.

960
00:51:54,144 --> 00:51:56,513
Thank you so much. You're very kind.

961
00:51:56,913 --> 00:51:59,316
You know, one of the most popular sketches
on <i>Laugh-In</i>

962
00:51:59,382 --> 00:52:00,951
was when Dan Rowan and Dick Martin

963
00:52:01,017 --> 00:52:03,687
would award the Fickle Finger of Fate.

964
00:52:03,753 --> 00:52:04,921
Let's all say it together.

965
00:52:04,988 --> 00:52:07,757
The Fickle Finger of Fate.

966
00:52:07,824 --> 00:52:11,094
They would give it to famous individuals
or government institutions

967
00:52:11,161 --> 00:52:14,464
for their hypocrisy, their blunders,
and their stupidity.

968
00:52:14,531 --> 00:52:16,900
Some of the recipients were Congress,

969
00:52:17,234 --> 00:52:18,468
the Ku Klux Klan,

970
00:52:18,535 --> 00:52:19,535
and Russia.

971
00:52:19,769 --> 00:52:21,471
All were deserving back then,

972
00:52:21,872 --> 00:52:22,973
and still today...

973
00:52:24,574 --> 00:52:27,377
...of someone giving them the Finger.

974
00:52:29,713 --> 00:52:33,049
<i>This is the Flying
Fickle Finger of Fate award.</i>

975
00:52:33,116 --> 00:52:35,819
<i>Or the Rigid Digit,
as it's known in Burbank.</i>

976
00:52:35,886 --> 00:52:38,588
<i>We hereby present Congress with the first</i>

977
00:52:38,855 --> 00:52:41,224
<i>Flying Fickle Finger of Fate.</i>

978
00:52:41,291 --> 00:52:43,460
<i>The award must go to Soviet Russia.</i>

979
00:52:43,527 --> 00:52:45,629
<i>What exactly was it that won
for the good Russians?</i>

980
00:52:45,695 --> 00:52:47,531
<i>Well, it was their great love of freedom.</i>

981
00:52:47,597 --> 00:52:49,866
<i>The Russians are
such a freedom-loving people</i>

982
00:52:49,933 --> 00:52:52,435
<i>that they wanted all the freedom
they could get their hands on,</i>

983
00:52:52,502 --> 00:52:54,504
<i>so they took Czechoslovakia's, too.</i>

984
00:52:54,571 --> 00:52:57,641
<i>To Russia with love.
You sure earned it the hard way.</i>

985
00:52:58,341 --> 00:53:00,710
<i>The Flying Fickle Finger of Fate award,</i>

986
00:53:00,777 --> 00:53:03,847
<i>or the Nifty Knuckle,
as it's known backstage,</i>

987
00:53:03,914 --> 00:53:06,349
<i>goes to California governor Ronald Reagan.</i>

988
00:53:06,850 --> 00:53:08,051
<i>There's no reason right now,</i>

989
00:53:08,118 --> 00:53:10,620
<i>but we're sure he'll come up with one
by next week.</i>

990
00:53:11,054 --> 00:53:12,756
<i>- The Ku Klux Klan.
- Oh.</i>

991
00:53:13,190 --> 00:53:15,292
<i>What are those wizards up to now?</i>

992
00:53:15,358 --> 00:53:20,530
<i>In recognition of your continuing efforts
to poison the relations between the races,</i>

993
00:53:20,830 --> 00:53:21,830
<i>we give it to you.</i>

994
00:53:28,305 --> 00:53:30,507
<i>You ought to be more careful
with that thing.</i>

995
00:53:30,807 --> 00:53:32,108
<i>I didn't know it was loaded.</i>

996
00:53:36,313 --> 00:53:38,515
And now, it is my honor
to award this trophy

997
00:53:38,582 --> 00:53:41,051
for the first time in 46 years.

998
00:53:41,117 --> 00:53:45,488
It goes to a man whose hypocrisy,
blunders, and stupidity

999
00:53:45,555 --> 00:53:47,791
have made him the perfect recipient.

1000
00:53:47,857 --> 00:53:51,661
The new Flying Fickle Finger of Fate
goes to...

1001
00:53:52,162 --> 00:53:56,066
the whiny little bitch himself,

1002
00:53:56,132 --> 00:53:59,035
President Donald J. Trump!

1003
00:54:00,870 --> 00:54:02,339
And thank you, George Schlatter.

1004
00:54:02,405 --> 00:54:04,341
We love you, and we thank you.

1005
00:54:04,841 --> 00:54:05,841
Thank you.

1006
00:54:08,812 --> 00:54:12,282
<i>I took my uncle Albert's </i>Playboy<i> magazine.</i>

1007
00:54:12,649 --> 00:54:14,084
<i>Sometimes I drink beer.</i>

1008
00:54:15,952 --> 00:54:18,188
You know what happens when you get angry?

1009
00:54:18,588 --> 00:54:19,789
First, you're...

1010
00:54:20,423 --> 00:54:23,126
your face gets just like a fist.

1011
00:54:23,693 --> 00:54:25,428
And then your heart flies up

1012
00:54:25,629 --> 00:54:28,064
and stings your brain in the front.

1013
00:54:28,565 --> 00:54:31,101
And your eyes are like two dark clouds,

1014
00:54:31,434 --> 00:54:33,003
looking for trouble.

1015
00:54:33,370 --> 00:54:35,605
And your blood is like a tornado.

1016
00:54:36,206 --> 00:54:39,476
And then you have bad weather
inside your body.

1017
00:54:40,043 --> 00:54:41,043
Yes.

1018
00:54:41,745 --> 00:54:42,879
And that is how...

1019
00:54:43,780 --> 00:54:45,849
climate change happens.

1020
00:54:56,259 --> 00:54:57,259
What's going on?

1021
00:54:57,527 --> 00:54:58,728
Oh, it's up to me?

1022
00:55:00,163 --> 00:55:01,364
Blessed are the...

1023
00:55:04,567 --> 00:55:05,567
Hey.

1024
00:55:05,835 --> 00:55:07,871
Hey, so I says to Elon Musk,

1025
00:55:07,937 --> 00:55:10,106
"Don't invent a driverless car.

1026
00:55:10,307 --> 00:55:12,075
I want an odorless Uber."

1027
00:55:16,946 --> 00:55:18,815
Did I just blow my best joke?

1028
00:55:24,954 --> 00:55:27,691
Dairy farmers in England
have developed a dating app for cows

1029
00:55:27,757 --> 00:55:29,292
to find matches for breeding,

1030
00:55:29,359 --> 00:55:31,328
or so they tell their wives.

1031
00:55:36,099 --> 00:55:39,269
<i>I wouldn't have missed this party
for all the tea in Scotland.</i>

1032
00:55:45,942 --> 00:55:47,711
How do you feel about vaccinations?

1033
00:55:47,777 --> 00:55:51,181
I used to be against them
until I found out they involved shots.

1034
00:55:51,247 --> 00:55:52,949
I love Jell-O.

1035
00:55:58,655 --> 00:56:03,526
My boyfriend loves when I wear
sexy bras, and panties, and...

1036
00:56:03,593 --> 00:56:04,961
What's wrong with that?

1037
00:56:05,295 --> 00:56:07,330
They're his bras and panties.

1038
00:56:07,397 --> 00:56:08,998
<i>Go to your room!</i>

1039
00:56:13,703 --> 00:56:18,441
I don't want a baby.
To raise a kid costs like $250,000.

1040
00:56:18,842 --> 00:56:20,076
Now you tell me?

1041
00:56:24,647 --> 00:56:28,918
<i>Now that was tasteless
and unfortunately violent.</i>

1042
00:56:29,486 --> 00:56:33,690
<i>Now, here's a moment
that is not violent and not tasteless.</i>

1043
00:56:34,057 --> 00:56:36,092
<i>It is just unfortunate.</i>

1044
00:56:36,993 --> 00:56:40,397
<i>♪ At first I was afraid, I was petrified ♪</i>

1045
00:56:40,730 --> 00:56:44,601
<i>♪ Kept thinking I could never live
Without you by my side ♪</i>

1046
00:56:45,268 --> 00:56:49,539
<i>♪ But I spent so many nights
Feeling sorry for myself ♪</i>

1047
00:56:49,806 --> 00:56:50,974
<i>♪ Now I'm drunk</i> ♪

1048
00:56:51,941 --> 00:56:53,910
<i>♪ About to turn this fucker up ♪</i>

1049
00:56:53,977 --> 00:56:57,647
<i>♪ Yeah, here is me, somebody new ♪</i>

1050
00:56:58,314 --> 00:57:02,519
<i>♪ I'm not that sorry little chick
You used to fuck with, boo ♪</i>

1051
00:57:02,585 --> 00:57:05,021
<i>♪ Oh, yeah, I'm bad as fuck, yeah ♪</i>

1052
00:57:05,088 --> 00:57:06,823
<i>♪ I do my fucking thing ♪</i>

1053
00:57:06,890 --> 00:57:11,060
<i>♪ And now I cuss because I can buy
My own diamond rings ♪</i>

1054
00:57:11,361 --> 00:57:12,962
<i>♪ Oh, go ♪</i>

1055
00:57:13,630 --> 00:57:14,898
<i>♪ Walk out the door</i> ♪

1056
00:57:15,698 --> 00:57:17,367
<i>♪ Don't turn around now ♪</i>

1057
00:57:17,801 --> 00:57:20,503
<i>♪ 'Cause I ain't
That broke chick anymore ♪</i>

1058
00:57:21,171 --> 00:57:24,707
<i>♪ No, I don't drive a Geo Metro
No, no, boo ♪</i>

1059
00:57:24,774 --> 00:57:26,176
<i>♪ I'm in a Tesla ♪</i>

1060
00:57:26,643 --> 00:57:28,745
<i>♪ And Tyler Perry bought it, too ♪</i>

1061
00:57:28,812 --> 00:57:30,280
<i>♪ Oh, yeah, go ♪</i>

1062
00:57:36,286 --> 00:57:37,754
Ladies and gentlemen,

1063
00:57:37,987 --> 00:57:40,790
it's been a great celebration of <i>Laugh-In.</i>

1064
00:57:41,224 --> 00:57:44,561
Before we say goodnight,
we have a special treat.

1065
00:57:45,161 --> 00:57:50,567
I give you the music
of Mr. Neil Patrick Harris.

1066
00:57:56,172 --> 00:57:57,073
Thanks, Tiffany.

1067
00:57:57,140 --> 00:57:59,209
- All right, for real.
- For real!

1068
00:57:59,442 --> 00:58:01,878
Let's do this. Key of G. Hit it.

1069
00:58:12,522 --> 00:58:14,924
<i>Take five. Roll 'em!</i>

1070
00:58:14,991 --> 00:58:16,693
I think I fucked mine up.

1071
00:58:17,427 --> 00:58:20,163
- Yeah, let's go take two.
- Let's go back. Let's go back.

1072
00:58:20,663 --> 00:58:22,765
<i>President Nixon has been trying to get...</i>

1073
00:58:24,367 --> 00:58:28,238
My single, broke girlfriend called me
the other day, and she totally...

1074
00:58:28,605 --> 00:58:29,906
Can we do it again? Sorry.

1075
00:58:30,173 --> 00:58:33,676
<i>President Nixon has been trying to get
a list of the total number of...</i>

1076
00:58:35,478 --> 00:58:36,813
I'm so sorry.

1077
00:58:38,281 --> 00:58:39,281
<i>Well...</i>

1078
00:58:39,749 --> 00:58:42,151
<i>You've got your thumb on my line.</i>

1079
00:58:42,352 --> 00:58:44,087
I think you did fuck it up.

1080
00:58:45,355 --> 00:58:46,189
<i>And now, I...</i>

1081
00:58:46,256 --> 00:58:48,391
<i>This is me forgetting my joke. Um...</i>

1082
00:58:49,893 --> 00:58:53,062
<i>♪ The elevators work
But never up and down ♪</i>

1083
00:58:56,466 --> 00:58:58,468
<i>- Do it again.
- Turn the cards back.</i>

1084
00:58:58,535 --> 00:59:00,203
We've been sitting there

1085
00:59:00,270 --> 00:59:03,039
for two fucking hours, waiting for this.

1086
00:59:03,106 --> 00:59:04,941
We have!

1087
00:59:11,514 --> 00:59:14,951
- We are cold as a witch's tit.
- Cold. Cold.

1088
00:59:15,018 --> 00:59:17,854
<i>Okay, you guys, hold it down.</i>

1089
00:59:18,221 --> 00:59:19,756
<i>This year, I want to get it right.</i>

1090
00:59:19,822 --> 00:59:22,292
- I ain't taking the blame for this shit.
- No.

1091
00:59:22,358 --> 00:59:24,127
We... that's right.

1092
00:59:25,995 --> 00:59:28,364
You're... you're... you're sexy.

1093
00:59:30,166 --> 00:59:32,535
I didn't get my line right.

1094
00:59:32,602 --> 00:59:34,070
<i>Listen, honey.</i>

1095
00:59:34,337 --> 00:59:37,006
<i>My husband wants to...</i>

1096
00:59:37,373 --> 00:59:38,508
<i>Listen, honey.</i>

1097
00:59:38,942 --> 00:59:40,677
<i>You think you've got it bad?</i>

1098
00:59:42,145 --> 00:59:43,646
<i>Come on.</i>

1099
00:59:44,514 --> 00:59:46,049
I didn't write my joke, by the way.

1100
00:59:47,417 --> 00:59:50,057
In case you go, "Why does that guy suck?"
'Cause I didn't write it.

1101
00:59:53,990 --> 00:59:55,425
I didn't like that one either.

1102
00:59:55,491 --> 00:59:56,492
Ah! My head!

1103
00:59:57,126 --> 00:59:58,595
<i>Oh, did I... did I hit you?</i>

1104
00:59:58,661 --> 01:00:01,297
- I hit my head on the thing.
- Yes, don't hit your head in there!

1105
01:00:02,231 --> 01:00:04,901
<i>Dateline,
San Clemente, California.</i>

1106
01:00:05,101 --> 01:00:08,371
<i>It's a funny town, all right.
Yeah, San Clemente, California.</i>

1107
01:00:08,438 --> 01:00:10,106
<i>Residents of this seaside...</i>

1108
01:00:12,675 --> 01:00:15,378
<i>♪ She was only eight years old ♪</i>

1109
01:00:15,445 --> 01:00:18,548
<i>♪ But she stole my powerhouse ♪</i>

1110
01:00:18,948 --> 01:00:20,516
<i>No way, man.</i>

1111
01:00:26,422 --> 01:00:28,558
<i>"Stole my powerhouse"?</i>

1112
01:00:31,928 --> 01:00:33,196
<i>Artie, give me a break.</i>