So... let's talk about last night.
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I'm still struggling to find the right words so this will probably be rambly and stream of consciousness, and I hope it comes out right. It might have been 2 of the most uncomfortable hours of television I've ever seen. And I do think that feeling lingers from the end results, at least in regards to the game. Because if Dan goes home, there's vindication. The good people won and the bad people lost, it's maybe not a happy ending but it's a satisfying one. But no, Kellee, Jamal, and Janet are effectively punished (either voted out or made a pariah of) for speaking out, doing the right thing, and being on the right side of a moral issue. The evildoer in Dan lives, the people manipulating such a sensitive and real issue in Missy and Elizabeth (and to an extent Lauren, but I'll be honest my memory is fuzzy on how much of a role she played in comparison to the other two) to their own benefit and supporting the evildoer over those expressing concern against it find themselves in the power position. An ignorant man in Aaron disputes the credibility because he didn't hear about it, and then backtracks by professing his feminism by virtue of he knows women. As many have said, a stark, depressing mirror of reality.

I could dwell on all the negatives that the majority of this cast portrayed in those 2 hours, but everyone else already has and I do try to look for the positives in life. And I think there were positives in this episode. I've seen people take issue with production for how they handled it. Should Dan have been removed? Personally, I'd lean towards yes. But in terms of the television product they showed us, I think it was compelling, and necessary. Like, we SAW the seemingly endless proof of his actions. It was real, we know the truth. They even broke the fourth wall to do so, which is a very rare and impactful decision by reality tv standards (think Caleb's evac, or to cross shows, Colton jumping the fence in the Bachelor). They showed the raw emotion of Kellee's confessional, and her self-doubt over what had happened even though she, and we, knew it was real. And I think that's so important, because as evidenced by Aaron's belligerently ignorant comments at tribal, believing women still isn't that easy for a lot of men to do. And apparently, at least in this cast, for some women too.

Janet tossed aside any game inclinations to do the right thing, and in an era where this game has been so oversaturated with strategy and resumes and big moves, it is so rare to see someone take a stand for their moral character at the possible detriment of their chance to win. Yes, it is a game, and frankly I've been a big fan of doing "whatever it takes" to get ahead. But it is also real life at the same time, and this is such a strong real life issue that moral character is questioned. Janet is a true hero and inspiration, which makes it all the more tragic and despicable that people chose to gaslight her for standing up for what was right and defending victims.

Jamal is everything a man should be in society today, and this is something he's shown time and time again with culturally relevant conversations this season. The only man to speak out about supporting women, being an ally, taking a step back and LISTENING and BELIEVING. Of course he had to be the one voted out, right? (Small sidenote but that IOI thing was so dumb and it sucks big time he took the fall from it.) He is aware of his privilege and takes the right steps towards being not only a good person, but a supporter of women. That's the kind of man I want to be, and try to be like each and every day. And I think a lot of people needed to see him do that, and hear that from him.

Jeff Probst, man. There's a reason he's the best in the business as a host. I don't think anyone could've handled that tribal council, at times very delicate, and yet firm when necessary. Telling Dan he would never let this go honestly gave me goosebumps. This guy cares about this show more than anyone in the world, I know plenty of people have plenty of opinions about him at this point but in that moment? He hit all the right notes. (By the way, Kellee having to watch all that without any way to speak her piece was devastating.)

This was not a good night for Survivor, overall. That much is obvious. But there were good people and good actions, and I think (I hope) the longterm impact of this episode will be good. In Jamal's final words, he said, "This would have all been a waste of time if anybody comes out here and doesn't look for ways to grow as a person." In a similar vein, I hope this episode can serve as a foundation for growth. If not, then the only takeaway will be I spent an awkward two hours with my dad just to see a creepy dude be rewarded.