2

Sunshine cascaded into the windows of my parent's bedroom as we were embraced by a new day. I was so panicky after what happened last night that I didn't even recall falling asleep. All I knew was that I was glad to have found at least some peace. The voices were gone and I prayed to God that they would never come back.  My eyelids fluttered like  dead leaves in the blast and I poked my head out from underneath the blankets soon after. The sunlight irritated my eyes, stinging them so to speak - the warmth of the sunbeams caressing my chubby cheeks. The corners of my lips curled upwards and I smiled softly to myself, even if only for a moment. I felt like a marshmallow floating around in a cup of hot  cocoa. A giggle escaped my slightly parted lips at  the very thought of that.My parent's bedroom was quiet,but I could hear my sisters and brothers making a racket downstairs.  " You are not getting the last bowl of cinnamon toast crunch, Charlotte! That belongs to me!" I could hear Liz shout at our older sister. "Well I had the damn box in my hands first!" Charlotte shouted back at her. "Char....you said the d word! I'm telling mom!" My twin brother chimed in. I giggled snorted, listening to all of the commotion going on. I wanted to be apart of the fun too. Tossing the heavy silk comforter away from my half-pint body, I pushed myself down to the foot of the bed - feet dangling just above the hardwood floor. Suddenly, I felt the pressure of a hand lay upon my shoulder. I gulped. Afraid to move, afraid to even look around to see if the monster and his killer cane had returned to claim my life. What if he came to eat my eyes? What if he was going to kill my stuffed animal collection? I screamed at the top of my little lungs.

"Sweet pea, calm down. It's just me. It's just me...." A familiar voice spoke to me. It was as gentle as the stroke of a turtle dove feather; angelic as if it was sent down from the Gods and Goddesses. I slowly turned my head to the direction in which the voice came from, my eyes pleased to see the beautiful sight before me. "Mommy!" I took a deep breath. "You scared me. I almost had a heart hiccup." I said to her as I scooted into her lap. She bursted out in laughter, wrapping her loving arms around my smallish form. "A heart hiccup? My sweet baby.... what is that?" She asked me. She held me close to her chest, her slender digits combing through my brunette tresses. "You know! The thing that grandma had before her heart exploded into confetti pieces." I explained to her. She couldn't stop laughing and for the life of me, I couldn't understand why. 'Adults are weird.' I thought to myself, but I played with the fabric of her red velvet robe. "Babygirl, grandma's heart didn't explode and it is called a heart attack. You're much too young for one of those. The things that go on in your little mind." She smiled, making sure that her arms didn't release me from her grasp.


"Where's daddy?" I glanced up at her. My fingers now crawled up to the locket that she wore around her neck. It was as golden as the fruits of autumn. "Your father is downstairs preparing breakfast or at least trying to." She chuckled. "Can we go down to see him? Please!" I asked with excitement. I wanted to see the rest of my family and possibly get in a coloring session with my twin before school. My twin brother and I were the absolute closest. He is my very best friend aside from mommy. We get each other like no one else can. I know when he's afraid, I protect him when he's in trouble. I'd kill every last lego monster in his dreams to keep him safe. I'd do that for all of my siblings, actually.

"We can see daddy soon, but first I want to talk to you about what happened last night. Will you tell mommy about what made you scream?" She looked me dead in the eyes, a smile still gracing her lips. I remained silent for a few seconds as I was afraid to tell her what I saw. I was afraid that she might think that I was crazy and that I wouldn't be her little pumpkin anymore. Slowly, my hand fell away from her necklace and I sniffled. "I had a bad dream last night, but when I woke up...the bad dream turned into real life! I heard voices and they said mean things to me. Then I saw the shadow man in my room. He was going to eat my eyes so that he can see again! I just know it!" I responded.


The corners of my mom's lips curled under into a frown. Why was she sad? I didn't understand. 'Please Mommy, don't be sad' I thought to myself. "You know..." My mother began to speak. Her eyes were glossy and I felt as if she was going to cry at any moment now. "When I was your age, something similar happened to me. I heard mean voices sometimes and I saw some very scary things. But grandma took me to the doctors and sometimes it made things all better." She whispered. Her hands cupped my cheeks softly, the pads of her thumbs caressing my face. "I won't let anyone or anything hurt you. The next time you see that bad man, you tell him to get his own eyes. He can't have yours, baby. He can't have my little nugget's eyes." She smiled. I nodded as I stared up at her momentarily before she took me into her arms again, carrying me towards the door. "Now let's go have breakfast with the rest of our rowdy family. It sounds like they can use your cuteness down there." She sniggled.
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Off to school.

Dad packed me a bag lunch before he went off to work. He tucked it neatly into my Spice Girl lunch box and even put an extra juice box in for me. I was so stoked!  I couldn't wait until the lunch bell rang so that I could enjoy the ham sandwich that was packed with love. I marched into my first grade classroom with a smile as big as the sky upon my face. My teacher, Mrs. James, greeted me with a hug as she normally does. She was the sweetest.  I didn't have many friends in class, for I kept to myself. There was one kid that bullied me, his name is Tyson. Most of us stayed away from that meanie. I didn't understand what I did wrong to him, I was always nice and I even shared my lunch with him once when he didn't have any. Maybe boys are weird just like adults. I shrugged my shoulders at the thought, moving towards my cubby hole to place my lunchbox within it. I turned around on the heels of my sketchers, walking towards my desk - I was greeted by Tyson sticking his foot out to trip me on the way. I fell flat on my face and he laughed along with his minions. It was okay, I was a big girl. I wasn't going to cry about it. Planting the palms of my hands against the shiny tiled floor, I pushed myself up from the ground and brushed off my uniform dress. My face hurt, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of showing it.


"Tyson." Mrs. James called out with her ruler in hand. "After school detention and you can forget about going on the field trip to Bergen County Zoo." She continued. I laughed on the inside, but the rest of the classroom expressed the joy that they felt out loud. Revenge was sweet, but not sweeter than the Snicker's bar that I had in my lunch box. Looking forward, I watched as Mrs.James wrote our daily objectives on the chalkboard. Today we were going to be learning how to count by 2's.  Yucky math. Why couldn't we do language and literacy instead? I frowned, reaching inside of my desk to grab my primary composition notebook and also my jumbo pencil. I placed them side by side upon my desk, my focus now solely on my teacher.


"Weak little Penelope, just taking the beating that the kid gives you and sitting like a bump on a log. " A voice began to stir up inside of my head.

"What a coward, no one needs you here. Why don't you just run out of the double doors and get hit by a bus. Do it! Do it!" Another tried to provoke.


"Oh no....they are back. Stop it. Please stop it." I mumbled to myself. Tyson glanced over at me, a piece of crumpled up paper in hand.  "Guys, check this out. Penelope is talking to herself. What a freak." He told his friends. The warmth of my tears caressed my cheeks and I was embarrassed as he tossed the piece of paper at my head. "Leave my sister alone!" Patrick shouted, tossing his notebook at Tyson. Tyson stood to his feet, stooping to pick up the notebook as he tossed it back at my twin brother. "Or what? Are you going to fight me for your freak show sister?" Tyson teased.


"Enough! Both of you, take a seat now or I will call both of your parents. " Mrs. James shouted. Her hands clutching on to the white chalk.  I didn't want Pat to get into trouble. I didn't want him to be punished for something that he didn't start. Grabbing ahold of my pencil, I curled my fingers around it tightly, hoping that enough force would be enough to send the voices away for a while; hopefully for good.

"Poor Patrick having to deal with a coward sister like you. You're going to get him in a jam just by having to stick up for you. Crybaby!" A voice screamed inside of my head.


"Why don't you just make it easier on him and leave. Make it easier on your whole family. Stab yourself, Penelope. Go on, do it." A few more voices chimed in.



I felt so confused by all that was going on. My mind was filled with so many things at one. I was just a child, why was this happening to me? Why couldn't I make it go away? Please..... someone make this go away. "I closed my eyes, lids wrinkling from just how much pressure I put into it closing my eyes.

"Just stab yourself and we will let you be." The voices proceeded to egg me on.

"Kill yourself."

"Bleed"

"She's useless, she won't do it."

"Troll."


 "BE QUIET! STOP BEING MEAN TO ME! PLEASE!" I screamed the loudest that I ever had. The entire classroom turned to face me almost in sync to one another as I plunged  the pencil into my forearm. Skin separated from skin, blood splattered like fireworks on the forth of July. The room was surrounded by screams as Mrs. James rushed over to me, picking me up from my chair. I could only hear her asking why as I bled across her classroom floor.  I could only remember her rushing me out of the room before everything went pitch black for me.