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PRESENTER: One can’t buy anything in the city anymore. Even 50 thousand are worth nothing!

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LENYA: What will be—will be!

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[2 weeks later]

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LENYA: So, what do I get now? Really?! Wow!

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LENYA: Now I’m gonna buy my wife new boots!

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PRESENTER: That’s so simple! AO MMM.

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PRESENTER: These—are the new boots. And this—is Rita Golubkova. How’ve you been?

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LENYA: Well, I got my wife her new boots. Next step—a fur coat.

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PRESENTER: And that would be simple too! AO MMM.

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PRESENTER: These are the new boots. Well, would you look at that—a new fur coat! Here’s Rita and Lenya.

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LENYA: Now I finally know what we’re gonna do with our money. We’re gonna invest all of it in AO MMM shares

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It already gave us a chance to buy the boots, the fur coat. In May, we’ll buy us some new furniture. In June—a new car.

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And then—a house!

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RITA: House in Paris?

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PRESENTER: And why not, Lenya? AO MMM.

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PRESENTER: This is our Lenya Golubkov. And that—is his older brother Ivan, from Vorkuta.

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IVAN: Lenya, you’re a khalyavschick and a slacker. Don’t you remember that our parents taught us to work as honest men?

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And here you are—running around, buying some fancy shares...You’re a khalyavschick!

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LENYA: No, you’re not right, brother! I ain’t no khalyavschick. I earn my money fair and square working on an excavator.

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And then I invest this money in shares that bring me profit. Let’s say, you decided to build a factory.

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You won’t be able to build it alone, that’s for sure. But if we all invest in it, we’ll be able to build the factory that will feed us and bring profits.

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I’m not a khalyavshick! I’m a partner!

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PRESENTER: Sure thing, Lenya! We’re partners! AO MMM.

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PRESENTER: This is America and World Football Cup.

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These are national teams of Brazil and Russia. And those are the supporters of Russian national team

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And these are Lenya Golubkov and his brother Ivan. Ivan seems to be crying. But why?

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IVAN: For all my life I’ve been working so hard, I even moonlighted! And that slacker Lenya sold his shares and booked two trips to the World Cup...

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And now I’m here, at the match Russia versus Brazil...I really sit here and support them...

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PRESENTER: Don’t cry, Ivan. Everything’s fine! AO MMM.

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PRESENTER: This is the Golden Gate bridge. And these are the Golubkov brothers. Everything is strange for them: people are dancing and laughing.

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[Lenya and Ivan act very surprised about sunroof and steering wheel in a car]

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PRESENTER: Our guys are quite impressed with what they’d seen. They need to sit down, discuss everything. So, lads, how do you like America?

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IVAN: Their beer’s great. But our vodka’s better!

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PRESENTER: AO MMM.

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PRESENTER: This is San-Francisco. And these are our guys: Lenya and Ivan.

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Here they are riding a tram. And here—they’re on the beach

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And here our guys are meeting the locals. Locals like them.

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IVAN: Yeah, girls are sure pretty around here!

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LENYA: They sure are. But ours are better!

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PRESENTER: Our girls are always better! AO MMM.

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PRESENTER: In the absence of her husband Rita has been sharing a lot of her stories. And who would understand them better than Maria?

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She’s sure the best person to talk about that stuff.

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RITA: What do you think: should we have a baby?

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MARIA: [Speaking something incomprehensive in Spanish. Rita seems to get it.]

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RITA: You’re so good, you’re so kind, Maria! Thank you very much!

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PRESENTER: Dear ladies! You make us very happy! AO MMM.

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LENYA: Dear Rita and Maria! Now I know for sure how I’m gonna live my life. The figure called “The growth of the Golubkovs’ well-being” is incorrect

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But the figure “Direction of Golubkov’s investment” is correct. Instead of buying the furniture, I went to America.

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I saw the way people live there. And their lives are good because they work hard.

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Maria, just like you I decided to start my own venture. I’m going to buy out my excavator, buy spare parts for it and fix it.

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In February, I’ll by a trailer and will start earning money. And what do you think: will I succeed?

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MARIA: [Another reassuring speech in Spanish that nobody understands.]

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PRESENTER: “What a great guy!” Maria thought. AO MMM.

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IVAN: You’re simplemente Maria. And I’m simplemente Ivan Golubkov.

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Imagine if my friends and family watch us on TV! They’re not gonna believe their own eyes!

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Let’s dance!

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IVAN: This is me—Ivan Golubkov. And this—is simplemente Maria.

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PRESENTER: It’s simplemente amazing. Simplemente AO MMM.

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PRESENTER: These are Ivan and Lenya Golubkov. Hello, guys!

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LENYA: Look! They’re shooting us again!

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IVAN: I told you so!

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LENYA: People in the streets keep asking me when I’m going back on the big screen.

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IVAN: A huge hello to you all!

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LENYA: That’s a pity that Rita went shopping and missed it.

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PRESENTER: And our guys haven’t change a bit! Good job!

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[The Relatives]

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LENYA: [telling a long and emotional story about how he went fishing the other day.]

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PRESENTER: Lenya was telling Ivan and Rita a story about how he was fishing. He articulated a lot and was very passionate about it.

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And Rita was drinking tea. When suddenly—their door opened and they saw their village relatives: uncle Kolya, Gennady and Serezha

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They greeted each other, gave each other some warm hugs.

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And immediately went down to business.

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GENNADY: These are for Semyon, Zhenya and Sashka. We collected this money and decided to bring it to you.

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UNCLE KOLYA: We’ve made some canned goods. And for this money we decided to buy some shares.

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IVAN: Should we buy some shares for the kid too?

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RITA: That’s fine! We’re always happy to have guests!

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PRESENTER: These are the fabulous Golubkovs.

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[The End]

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PRESENTER: The Golubkovs are fighting—big time. And sure thing, their quarrel is about MMM. Hey, Golubkovs, is MMM good or evil?

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LENYA: Good!

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IVAN: Of course it’s good!

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LENYA: MMM works as a huge mutual aid fund.

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IVAN: Nah, it’s not like a fund, it’s more like a swimming pool!

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See? Here are investments, flowing in via pipes. And it’s always full!

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RITA: So it works simply: those who got free money—they invest in this pool. And those who need some money—they take it out of that pool.

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LENYA: And I was telling you exactly the same thing!

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PRESENTER: Rita Golubkova was showing some fashion. Ivan was doing magic tricks. And Lenya was showing how strong he was. They’re sitting all happy.

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IVAN: Why wouldn’t we be? We invested 1 million and got 6 million back!

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PRESENTER: Well, now that’s clear!

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PRESENTER: Before going to sleep Rita Golubkova reads a couple of pages from her husband’s book and sees sweet dreams all night.

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And Lenya has got insomnia: he’s really worried about something.

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LENYA: But why? Why did it go all wrong?! The idea was brilliant!

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MAVRODI’S PORTRAIT: Calm down! We’re soon having our grand re-opening!

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LENYA: Finally! Thank God!

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PRESENTER: Back at our old address: 26 Varshavskoe highway.

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PRESENTER: -40C is cold and uncomfortable. And under the ground it’s +12C and still uncomfortable.

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Ivan Golubkov decided to call his brother. He took out his cellphone, the remainders of past fortune and dialed Lenya.

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IVAN: Hey there! How’re things? What’s that? He’s open?! Mavrodi’s MMM opened again? Hello? Hello?

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PRESENTER: “Well, Ivan, you’re a true khalyavschick”, the viewers thought.

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IVAN: Khalyavschick? Me? They haven’t paid me the salary for 4 months already!

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I’m going to Moscow!

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PRESENTER: To Moscow. 26 Varshavskoe highway.

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Captions by Slava Moroz
bearsandvodka.com