Uncouth - Part 8

>Day… the day after yesterday.
>You’re trying to wake up.
>You don’t want to wake up. You lived a little too much last night, and now your body doesn’t want to live at all.
>But who’s the boss? You’re the boss. It’s time to wake up and go to work, says the boss.
>… Let’s see how much time you can sleep in, though.
>You glance at the clock.
>9:42
“Fuck!”
>Suddenly you couldn’t be more awake. You flex your back and rump, and use it and your arms to push yourself off the spring bed, landing you a little over a foot away. Something you can only accomplish when panicking like this, it seems.
>Only wearing boxers. Perfect. Nothing to undress. You grab the pants you wore yesterday and try to force them on. Of course they would be harder to get into than Fort Knox when you really, really need to rush. With one leg through, you struggle to get the second one in. The ‘hop-on-one-foot’ technique isn’t working for you, and it quickly betrays you as you fall on your ass a moment later.
“Shit!”
>A rustling on the bed tells you’ve been too loud. Wait, rustl-Oh yeah.
>You manage to slip your other leg through before standing to your feet.
>The cyan pegasus stirs from her restful slumber, gently opening her eyes to reveal those amethyst gems-Dear god, you don’t have time for this.
“Morning.” You say before grabbing one of the dirty shirts on the ground.
>”’Eeey.”
>Fuck, this shirt is wet. Stupid snow.
>”So. Last night was pretty cool.”

>Oh yes. Last night. You were wondering why you had this peculiar afterglow while you still rushed to get ready.
“Yeah, easy hundred bits, huh?”
>Okay, this shirt over here will work… Ugh, no. Too smelly. Wait, your dresser is like, right there. It’ll be faster just to take something from it.
>”I dunno, dude.” She rolls onto her back as you dig through your shirt drawer. “I had to work pretty hard for that one.”
>Aha! Found one.
“Last night or to get to that point?”
>”Hehe, both.”
>You throw the shirt on. It’s a little tacky and Rarity may chew you out for… Shit, she’s gonna be more mad about you being late. Who cares about tackiness right now? You then grab your socks that look like they’ve been tossed around the room and sit down on the bed to put them on.
“So are we splitting that hundred, or what?”
>”Psh, no way. I’ve got plans with it.”
“Whaaat? I did half of the work. I should get a cut.”
>”More like a quarter, if that.”
“Eeeeeh, fuck you.”
>”Hehehe… But seriously, you’re gonna love what I do with the bits. Just wait a few days, alright?”
“Fine, but I’m going to be annoyingly impatient about iiiiiiit~.”
>She grasps her belly as she lets out a short cackle.
>”Dude, that such a good Rarity impression.” Er… was it? Oops. “Speaking of, when you gotta be there?”
“In about almost two hours ago.”
>Rainbow Dash hisses. “Ooooh crap.”
“Yeah.”
>Finally, the socks are on. Just shoes and…
>Oh god, you still need to brush you hair and teeth and slap on some deodorant.

>You eat a large chunk of toothpaste while madly brushing your hair, then you spray you and the entire room with spray on deodorant, making Rainbow Dash cough.
>Time to go! You’re practically jogging towards the door with Rainbow Dash in tow.
>You then open the door to be met with a very, very angry looking Rarity.
“…” Words fail you.
>”Uhhh, hey, Rarity.” Rainbow Dash mumbles while hanging over your shoulder.
>”Rainbow Dash.” She says flatly. She then clears her throat. “Anonymous.” She attempts to keep calm and quiet, but she fails at stopping her spittle.
“H-hey Rarity.” You tail off into a mumble.
>”Do you know what time it is?”
“Hrm… hm hmm… O’clock…”
>”It’s nearly ten, Anonymous. If I recall correctly, you’re supposed be at the boutique at eight.”
“Rarity-“
>”Hey,” Dash cuts in. “If he’s supposed to be there, then why are you here? Is the boutique closed today?”
>Saved by the Dash!
>”It seems Anonymous wasn’t so keen on coming into work today, so I had to come fetch him.”
>Rarity is one of THOSE bosses. She will close the store and fetch someone to make an employee feel like shit.
>”That was kinda my fault, give him a break would ya?”
>Rainbow Dash buts on a puppy-dog-like apologetic face and shoots it towards Rarity.
>They remain silent for a moment before Rarity’s expression begins to melt.
>”Tsk, very well. We all make mistakes I suppose. Anonymous, please be sure to be on time from now on.”
>Holy shit. Holy shit! Rainbow Dash bro status fully restored!
“Of course! Thanks, Rarity. Should I get going now?”
>”Ye-ah… hmmm. Actually, please redress yourself. I don’t know why you would even own an orange and candy-red striped shirt. Just… bleh!”
“You made it!”

>Rarity cringes.
>”… I knoooow…”
“Alright then. I’ll be back out in a few minutes.”
>You retreat back into the small house so you may change out of this horrid thing.
>Before you can close the door, Rainbow Dash hops off and chooses to remain outside with Rarity.
>When she believes you’re out of earshot, Rarity approaches Rainbow Dash.
>”So how are you this morning, dear?”
>”I’m cool. You?”
>”I’m quite alright. Now, um…” She acts if she lost her train of thought for a brief moment, looking upwards and leaning forward ever so slightly. “Might I ask what you’re doing here at such a time? And how was Anonymous’ tardiness your doing? I’m only curious.”
>There’s a part in Rainbow Dash’s mind telling her to panic, but Dash is a master of ignoring that part of her brain.
>”Well, Anon and I haven’t really hung out in a while, so I came over and we had a few. I was a liiiiiiittle too tipsy to go home and Anon let me crash on his couch.”
>”Ah! Is that all? Haha, for a moment I was worried-…” Rarity attempts to cut herself off in a smooth fashion, but she caught what she was saying a little too late.
>Worry flashes across Dash’s face.
>”Worried about what?”
>”Hm?”
>”I asked what you were worried about?”
>”Oh…” Rarity dismissively waves her hoof. “Nothing.”
>”… Right. So, I have something to ask you.”

>”And what’s that?”
>”Well… it’s more of a favor. I know you just gave me one, but can you at least consider this?”
>”Of course.”
>”I know Anon did some mean damage to-“
>”YOU and Anonymous.” Rarity gives Rainbow Dash a sly grin. “You don’t think I’ve forgotten your involvement, have you?”
>”Uh… hehehe. Why did you go so easy on me anyway?”
>”Mmmph, I admit I didn’t want to be so mean to a friend. And I saw Anonymous doing it and only heard about you helping a little bit later. I was quite mad at the moment, but after I cooled off, I realized I could have thought things through better. But I…” A blush begins to appear on Rarity’s face. “Tsk, I was a little afraid to admit my own mistake.”
>”Heh, it happens. No worries. All in the past?”
>”Yes. Thank you, Rainbow Dash.”
>”Great. So, about what I was saying.”
>”Ah, yes. You wanted to ask a favor?”
>”Uh-huh. I was wondering if…” Dash nervously rubs the back of her neck. “If you could let Anon off a little early.
>”Today? Well I don’t think after he-“
>”No, no! I mean like, he’s been helping you out for two weeks now, or something. Don’t you think he’s done enough?”
>Rarity suddenly becomes very flustered and takes a step back.
>”Well… he… you don’t-“
>”It’s not fair. I totally screwed up your boutique too and it feels kinda bad watching Anon get all this punishment alone.”

>Rarity cannot deny Rainbow Dash is correct here. But it isn’t about you working tirelessly for her. It’s about what she’s fabricating inside that head of hers. Something she has recently dubbed, ‘The Perfect Moment’.
>She has acted this moment out in her head (and in her room when no one was around) many, many times. And Rainbow Dash here wishes to put a stake in her plans!
>But, Rarity is a clever pony.
>”Y-yes… of course. As I said, I did get a little carried away, and I believe Anonymous has nearly paid his debt. However, could I hold on to him for a little longer? I know you’re eager to spend time with him again, but… hmm, how does until the end of the week sound?”
>Dash’s face lights up with a smile.
>”That sounds awesome! Thanks for understanding, Rarity.”
>”Anytime, dear.”
>And that’s your cue to exit outside to these two chatty mares.
>You chose a simple black long sleeve shirt this time. Hopefully Rarity won’t mind.
>”Eugh… It’ll do.”
>Hopes demolished.
>Rainbow Dash looks positively happy though.
>”Hey Anon, great news!”
“What’s-“
>”Actually, Rainbow Dash! If you could keep that between you and I, that’d be wonderful.”
“Awwwwuh! But now I’m curious!”
>”Yes, but,”
“You tease me with such precious hidden secrets and proceed to strip them from my grasp. Like candy from a baby, you say? Madame, I am no baby, and that is not candy.”
>”Anon,” Rainbow Dash flatly interrupts. “You’re being weird again.”
“I’m being fancy and high-classy.”
>Rarity giggles.
>”You sure are, Anonymous. Now come. I must reopen my boutique and you’re not quite off the hook.
“Right behind you.” You look down at Dash. “If you can, swing on by tonight? Cus I kinda feel like we need to talk or… ?”
>”I’ll be here.”

>You give Dash a quick scratch behind the ear and she leans into it as always.
“Alright, see you tonight.”
>”Later dude.”
>With a small wave, you begin trail to trail behind Rarity as she walks back to the boutique.
>Finally. Some time to think.
>Mostly about last night.
>…
>Yeeeeeeah! Finally got some. It wasn’t with a 10/10 bombshell of a woman. Drunk sex with a pony is okay too, you guess.
>But back on Earth this exact situation was a hot topic amongst manly men, such as you.
>Does sex ruin a friendship? Judging by how things went this morning, you don’t think so. But maybe once things seep in a little, that can change.
>And let’s not forget the most important question: What did it mean for the both of you?
>Did Rainbow Dash take it like, ‘So, we’re dating now? Cool, cool. We don’t even need to say it.’ Or is she going to be completely ‘whatever’ about it? Gah, you know Dash well but she is and always will be a friend before being a different gender to you.
>Great, now you’re starting to get worried. Forget about all this thinking stuff. It’s dumb and frustrating.
>Let’s think about how cold you are right now. Yeah. Damn, dude. It’s cold!
>Rarity agrees it’s cold. Right, Rarity?
>You know something else about Rarity?
>She looks pretty good from this angle.
>You know, from behind.
>Yeah. Her hair looks pretty cool. It’s curly.
>She has other good looking features, but her curly tail is probably the… prettiest. Sure.
>”Anonymous.” You almost jump off the ground by the sudden break in silence. “Is everything alright?”
>Her hips begin to noticeably sway a little as she looks back. You… Oh forget it.
>You’re an adult. So you can stop lying to yourself about looking at a butt, and you can control yourself enough to stop looking at it.
>The whole ‘it’s a horse’ thing can be dealt with later.

“Eh, nothing to really say. I suppose I am also pretty guilty about sleeping in.”
>”Hm. I will admit I am still a little upset about that, but you’ve been wonderful about being on time and working hard until you’re dismissed. Coming from your previous lifestyle I assume the sudden change was awfully jarring. I expected many days like this to be completely honest.”
“Really?”
>”Mmhm! You’ve exceeded my expectations for you. Albeit they were low expectations, but you’ve culled those quite well, if I may say so.”
“Alright. Well, thank you?”
>”You’re welcome, dearest.”
>The walk continues in silence for a little longer before Rarity speaks up again.
>”Quick question, Anonymous.”
”Shoot.”
>”What exactly was Rainbow Dash doing over at your house overnight? She mentioned something but…” She trails off.
>Shit. You never thought you’d have to be making cover up stories so fast. You’re not ashamed, but you’re not the kind who kisses and tells.
“Oh you know. She was tired after a full day of work. She crashed on the couch a little early and I let her stay.”
>”Are you sure that’s all?” Her voice came off as a little distant but still sharp. She might be on to you!
“Yeah, that about covers it.”
>”O… kay… Ah, there’s the boutique. And-… oh dear.”
>A small line of ponies stand in front of the door, cheerfully chatting with each other.
>Rarity lets out a sigh.
>”Come now, there’s no time to waste!”

>The day passes rather uneventfully. Rarity made a few comments about how fast you’re learning this trade while you try patching a scarf. Normally it would be easy, but the stallion getting it fixed was super, super picky. Mother fucker got on your nerves pretty god damn quickly.
>Otherwise it was a standard, uninteresting flow of customer traffic. You were hoping the Apple family would have come in today so you could see the reaction to the fruits of their labor. Alas, they were a no show.
>You noticed Rarity was sighing to herself a lot more than normal. That’s just Rarity being Rarity. You think.
>And the low point of the day was when Rarity asked you to cook her lunch and an early dinner. You’re not concerned that you’re basically acting as a maid in the situation, you’re just REALLY embarrassed by your own cooking. Seriously, it’s bad. Rarity scoffed as you made Mac n’ Cheese for both lunch and dinner but she ate it nonetheless.
>She was also a little leery about letting you leave, but what the hell is she going to do? Invite you to a sleepover? Pfft. As if.
>Anyway, now you’re back at your house. Before entering, you take a look at the wooden walls and pillars. They CLEARLY need to be redone. Half of it is gray and shit. It’s horrible. Your place may be a shack compared to the rest of Ponyville, but you can make it a pretty shack.
>… Some other time.
>With no other distractions aside from this loose as shit doorknob, you enter your home. It didn’t really register with you that the lights were on until you saw them with your own eyes.
>And it seems Dash made herself comfortable in your unlocked and unprotected home.

>She sits on your small, tattered couch with a very innocent look on her face.
It’s like, she totally forgot the two of you boned last night. Then again, you’re acting roughly the same way.
“Have you been waiting long?”
>”Eh, not really.”
“Cool. So abou-“
>You’re cut off by the sound of your bathroom toilet being flushed.
“Um… Who is… ?”
>Answering your question, Thunderlane exits your bathroom with a very displeased look on his face.
>And he also forgot to wash his hooves.
>”You’re gonna need to clean your shitter.” His voice is dripping with the sounds of anal wreckage. Oh yeah. He’s mad.
>And the jokes on him, it already needed to be cleaned! Ha. Checkmate.
>Thunderlane takes a seat next to the couch because Dash has stretched herself out so there would be no room for him. She’s enjoying her victory alright.
>”So,” Rainbow Dash starts. “Now that Anon is here, he can confirm that I won the bet.”
>”Hold on. Anon,” Thunderlane adjusts his glare to you. “What was Rainbow Dash supposed to do?”
>He seems skeptical. Time to shatter his dreams.
“Dash was to persuade me to put my penis inside her until I spit out baby goo.”
>”Uuuuugghhhh!” He throws his head back and looks at the ceiling.
>”Ha! Told you! Now where’s my bits?”
>”I… you know what? No. I don’t believe you guys. Prove it.”
>”Prove it?”
“Oooooh no. What happened last night was a drunken mistake. A fun one, but I don’t think I’m down to jump on this boning wild ride.”
>”Then Dash ain’t getting her bits.”
>”C’mon! We made a bet and bumped on it! It’s totally unfair to just back out!”

>”Nope. I don’t believe you could have stomached sleeping with this thing.”
>Oh no he fucking didn’t. Dash seems to be wearing a similar expression to yours as well.
>But if you don’t do something quick, Dash’s reaction might be a bit more violent than your own.
>And you think you have an idea to solve this.
“First off, fuck you very much. Second, come with me.”
>You don’t give him time to follow as you walk up to him and lift him off the floor with a few protests.
>Under your arm, you carry him down your short hallway and carelessly toss him through your bedroom door before you close it and hold it tightly.
>He attempts to open it before sighing. “What now?”
“Just… stay in there for a bit.”
>He sighs again before falling silent for a few seconds.
>”… Dude, it smells. Let me out.”
“What does it smell like?”
>”…”
“…”
>”… Buck you.”
>You hear Dash’s laughter explode from the couch as you let out your own chuckle. Thunderlane exits quickly as you open the door for him. He clearly has a sour look on his face.
>”Told ya!” Dash calls from the couch.
>Thunderlane keep going as he makes his way for the door.
>”I’ll round up the bits by the day after tomorrow. Just… let me forget what I just thought of and smell. Guh. Celestia…”
>You and Dash continue your giggle fit even after some time he’s left.
>Once the both of you settle, you realize you’re now alone with Dash. Now’s a better opportunity than ever to talk about last night.

“So… hey.”
>Smooth.
>”Sup? You wanted to talk?”
“Er… yeah. Listen, about last night…”
>”Yeah I didn’t cross any boundaries, did I? Because if the whole thing made you really uncomfortable, tell me, dude.”
“No, no. Nothing like that. What happened last night was pretty great and… you know.”
>”Know what?”
“Mmm… it’s… been a while. For me.”
>”Eeeeyeah… me too.”
>An awkward silence lingers in the air for a few seconds before you take the topic back on track.
“Ahem, anyway! What I wanted to talk about was us. Like, what now?”
>”O-oh… um… what do you think?” From the look on her face, Dash seemed as confused and worried about this topic as you were.
“I was hoping you’d have a definite answer, heh.”
>You cross your arms and pace around the room, deep in thought. You already know what you want, but you fear Dash’s reaction.
>But, there isn’t much point in delaying for too long. Here goes nothing.
“Honestly… I think what happened last night isn’t the best way to start a relationship.”
>”Really!” She wipes the sweat off her brow. “Phew! I was thinking the same thing.”
>You breathe a sigh of relief and allow your knees to buckle slightly. That’s a load off your shoulders.
“Whew! Awesome. I was really afraid this was going to be really awkward and possibly painful.”
>”Same here, bro. But you know, drunken sex happens between friends. No reason to jump into a relationship for it.”
“Good. My thoughts exactly.”
>”Who knows? We could do it like, three or four more times and nothing would be different.”
“Ye-… Ah.” You put on a smug grin. “You had one chip and now you crave more, huh?”
>She tries to shrug it off as if it ain’t no thang.
>”Phbbbt. We’re just normal ponies, Anon. We all have urges, right?”

“I guess. But speaking of, wasn’t it weird with me being… not a pony?”
>”I don’t really care what you are. If anything, not being a pony worked out better for you.”
“What?”
>”Long story short, you’re better in bed than most stallions. Size and performance don’t count for much when you can go for that long. Not to say you lacked in those departments either.”
>Oh my, do you feel a blu-
>”Anon, you’re blushing.”
>Shit.
“Well… um, yeah. Thank you?”
>”Don’t thank me. That’s all you, buddy. Just uh, hehe, don’t go spreading it around too much. Don’t want the mares all over you.”
“Why wouldn’t I want that?” You say in a forced blank tone.
>Dash is just as quiet as she tries to come up with a reason.
“I was kidding.”
>”I know!”
“Hehe… So… that’s all I wanted to say. Was there anything else you feel like throwing in?”
>”Nnnnope. That pretty much covered everything.” Dash lifts herself up and flitters to the front door. “I gotta get up early tomorrow, so I’d better go.”
“Yeah, sure. Um…”
>She opens the door but waits for you to finish before exiting.
“Thanks… thanks again for like, seeing me as one of your own or something. I don’t talk about it a lot but… it feels good hearing that… so thanks. Again.”
>She rolls her eyes and adopts a small, goofy smile before flittering up next to your face.
>Then she gives your head a big ol’ bear hug.
>”You’re just like everyone else, okay? If anyone treats you differently, come tell me and I’ll go kick their butts, alright.”
“That won’t be necessary,” You manage to speak through her coarse horse hair. “But thanks, Dash.”