<Ms. Suri does her thing>

Thank you, Ms. Suri.

My name is Alexander Wong and I am this year’s Senior Class President. The one thing that scared the crap out of me upon being elected at the end of last year was the prospect of having to speak at graduation. Unfortunately, despite all my efforts, I could not get impeached and that day has finally caught up to me.

In the next few hours, I and other student officials will periodically come up to the podium to help move the commencement ceremony along. We will basically be emceeing this graduation – which, admittedly, is much less intimidating than having to give a speech. I ask that the audience gives its full attention and respect to our speakers this afternoon.

I’ve got lots of other things to say, but I’ll be back up here later. Without further ado, I’d like to introduce our first act – the seniors of the Stuyvesant Chorus and Chamber Choir, directed by Ms. Holly Hall and Ms. Liliya Shamazov.

<chorus sings>

Thank you to the choruses, Ms. Hall, and Ms. Shamazov. I thought that was pretty awesome, but my best friend says I’m tone-deaf, so it was probably even better than I thought it was.

I’d like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude on behalf of the entire senior class to a few special people for all they have done for the senior class this year. Firstly, a huge thank you to Principal Teitel, who sadly cannot be with us today. His guidance and open-mindedness throughout the school year made everything we did this year possible. His daily reminders and incredible assistance are the reasons that we were able to get our keynote speaker to come today. Though he made a lot of unpopular decisions this year, he was always well-intentioned and did everything with our well-being in mind. I cannot express my gratitude for his support in words, and best wishes to him and his family for his speedy recovery.

But perhaps the greatest thanks of all goes to our Senior Activities Advisor, Mr. Lonardo. Your incredible guidance, tireless support, and endless encouragement were the reasons behind making this year as awesome as it was. I went into this year without any idea of what would be asked of me. When I was most frustrated, you were always calm and gave the best advice. Thank you for always being patient, especially when dealing with the Indicator’s punctuality as well as with Helen and her prom table dilemma. The patience you exhibited was truly an inspiration, and has challenged me to be more patient as well. Most importantly, though, thank you for the grade you gave me in drafting during sophomore year, because that was like the only class I did well in that term. Even though you never submitted the SSR recommendation I asked you for, thanks for everything, J-Lo.
At this time, I would like to introduce this year’s keynote speaker. A Stuyvesant alum himself, he has made a name for himself in the literary world that grows bigger by the day. Ever since Principal Teitel told me that you’d be coming, I promised myself I’d read your award-winning book, Super Sad True Love Story. <pause> Oops. This is kind of like how I promised I wouldn’t write my entire senior portfolio for Mr. Henderson the night before. Except I kind of did. Was NOT a fun night. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my humble honor and privilege to introduce the keynote speaker for the Class of 2011, Mr. Gary Shteyngart.

<Shteyngart speaks>

Thank you, Mr. Shteyngart.


And now I'd like to introduce to you this year's Senior Class Vice President, Wasi Ahmed.

<Wasi comes up to introduce Jao-ke>
<Jao-ke speaks>
<Wasi comes up to introduce Oren>
<Oren comes up to introduce Mr. Geller>
<Mr. Geller speaks>

Thank you, Mr. Geller.

One thing that's amazed me about Stuyvesant through my four years here is... well, you guys. The Class of 2011. Everyone's been saying that the

<band performs>
<Wasi comes up to introduce Ms. Krecji>
<Ms. Krecji speaks>
<Oren comes up to introduce Jao-ke’s mom (wtf it’s so weird I can’t refer to her as Ms. Chin)>
<Jao-ke’s mom speaks>

Thank you, Ms. Chin. (NOTE TO SELF: DON’T SAY “JAO-KE’S MOM”)

This graduation ceremony brings back a lot of memories.

<if I get to speak during the tassel thing:>

I'd just like to say, it'd be really helpful to be able to flip my hair like Justin Bieber right now. Class of 2011, it's been a good four years. Congratulations!