On Singing

There are two types of singers. There's the singer who's born with an amazing voice, almost seems god-given if you believe in that sort of thing. They spend their whole lives taking their spectacular instrument and figuring out why it's so good. Then, there's the singer who must slowly crawl forward to get better and better. This is the direct antithesis of the first type. Their voices are nothing special for a very long time, until one day a breakthrough happens and they get a little better. Their careers will be spent seeking breakthrough after breakthrough until their voice is on par or better than the god-givens.

Every time I go out for auditions, I'm reminded my voice is nothing special. This isn't a bad thing by any means. This just reinforces what I've always known; I'm not a god-given. My voice isn't powerful. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I'm what's known as a high lyric baritone, categorized by my lack of woofiness (for lack of a better word) and my easy extension into high notes most other baritones struggle to hit. Opera is currently dominated by fuller, deeper baritones, and as someone who's average height (5'10"/178 cm) and below average weight (146 lbs/66.2 kg), it's not as if I make any sort of lasting impression to make up for it.

So, in a world where the chips are stacked against me, how do I win?

By not playing their game, and by being so good at my game that I look better in comparison. I'm never going to be able to challenge the god-givens in a shouting match. They'll beat me 10 times out of 10. So, instead, I need to out-finesse them. I need to sing lush, lyrical songs that move fast and rely on beautiful and expressive phrasing. I need to make the god-givens look like lumbering oafs, and make audiences believe they're missing out by not hearing my voice.

This is sound in theory, but impossibly hard in practice. At the age of 24, my voice hasn't undergone even half of its complete development, so I need to nurture my musical intuition and polish my technique so that I can sing consistently and beautifully. Of course, in a vacuum, that's fine, but I still have to go out and compete to earn my place in the opera world. So, I need to start aggressively pursuing these goals now so that someone, somewhere will see my potential and take me up as a protege.

I've gone my entire life feeling serially underestimated. Time and time again, I constantly feel like I'm overlooked in favor of other people when I know I have the potential to be great. Maybe it's a "shit under your shoe" situation and I'm not as good as I think I am, at all the things I think I'm good at...

But if there's one thing you should know about me by now, it's that when I want something, I'll work my ass off tirelessly to get it.

I'm going to be a great singer, and I'm going to achieve everything I want to achieve in the opera world. I'm too damn stubborn to let it happen any other way.

So, I don't know if I'm going to get into grad school this year. If the trend continues the way it has the past couple of years, I'll get rejected in a stunning fashion and be left out in the cold again. But, even if that should happen, I'm willing to put everything on the line to pursue my goals. I'm so voraciously hungry for success, and I'd rather live a life full of failures than a life where I was too afraid to try.

I don't really know the best way to end this, so I guess I'll just say keep your eyes on me from time to time. If I'm even half as successful as I want to be, it's gonna be a wild ride. And if I fail, at least I'll have you guys watching my back!

Also fuck those stupid god-givens. Talent is an overrated concept anyway ;)