I'm done

I'm done.

I'm done pretending like what I've been doing is enough. I'm done pretending like I'm making the right decisions. I'm done living this messed up lifestyle.

I'm not a failure of a content creator, but I'm on the fast track to failure and there's only one way out of this.

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Today, I woke up at 8:30, and was seated in my work desk at 9:15. My plan was to sit with my team for an hour and a half to work on the new video, be out by 10:50, and start stream by 11.

Instead, my team didn't finally get together until about 10:20, and the video wasn't polished enough at all. It was an extremely rough first draft, and it was the result of very little communication happening between parties. I immediately knew the rest of my day would have to be spent micromanaging this video. This video is extremely difficult, and every piece must be placed properly for it to make any sense. If it doesn't succeed, it'll set my channel back tremendously. Not ideal considering how much good work the Plat trophy video did for my channel.

Once we got to work, my editors had about 60-75 minutes of good work in them before they got called away by their families to go eat dinner. I waited around hoping they'd come back quickly, and all of a sudden, it was 2pm and I hadn't gotten anything productive done.

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So, after talking with people close to me on what to do, I've decided enough is enough. My lack of organization and consistent scheduling is holding me back so much. It's hard as someone with ADHD. I have to plan every aspect of my day so carefully otherwise I forget everything and get way off track with dumb bullshit. Then, if I fall off the wagon hard enough, I just **forget that organization exists** and I have to spend about 5 days getting back on track organizationally before I can try to have a schedule again, only to inevitably fail.

I know I clickbaited you all with saying "I'm done", but I just AM dude. I'm done with not living a healthy, productive lifestyle. I'm done being late to streams. I'm done cancelling for work emergencies. I'm done making plans and then "not feeling like it"  in the moment. I'm done being a shadow of my former self in speedrunning because I don't have the time, focus, or energy to practice.

I have it in me to be the best runner, entertainer, and content creator I can possibly be, but I'm done wasting my potential.

So, for the last time, I'm cancelling stream the day it's supposed to happen. Tomorrow, I wake up at 7:30, get to my work desk by 8, stream by 11, gift you guys 10 subs for not streaming today, finish stream by 5-6, and end my day with some relaxing cooking, gym time, gaming, and light speedrun practice.

And I'll attempt to do this Monday-Friday every single day, almost every single week. I'll *tell you ahead of time* if I have to cancel in the future.

You guys inspire me to want to be better. More importantly, though, I'm finally inspiring myself to be better, too.

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tl;dr I clickbaited you but only to tell you that I'm tired of my own bullshit and I'm **doing something** about it.