(11:47:48 AM) bellaskye42@gmail.com: don't have anyone to talk to or any perspective
(11:48:11 AM) bellaskye42@gmail.com: dunno if it's gonna get better
(11:48:28 AM) bellaskye42@gmail.com: if it doesn't, please push me out
(11:51:49 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: get into some kind of healthcare like you promised him you would do in july.
(11:51:59 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: because Hi, mental health = really important
(11:52:09 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: and is *obviously* the root of your problems.
(11:52:24 AM) bellaskye42@gmail.com: i'm trying
(11:52:42 AM) bellaskye42@gmail.com: i promised him my spare money this month
(11:53:09 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: it is kind of time that you put yourself before other people.
(11:53:23 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: people who already have healthcare can afford to give their money to their boyfriends.
(11:53:29 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: people who don't, shouldn't.
(11:53:37 AM) bellaskye42@gmail.com: he needs the money
(11:53:51 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: *you* also need the money.
(11:55:18 AM) bellaskye42@gmail.com: going to get enough from mom for a visit to get meds
(11:55:32 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: meds is, very basically, not all you need.
(11:55:35 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: you need proper healthcare.
(11:55:39 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: not just for your brain.
(11:55:48 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: you haven't seen a doctor in how long?
(11:55:54 AM) bellaskye42@gmail.com: um. pot, kettle?
(11:56:09 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: shut the fuck up because I have already dealt with the fucking healthcare system enough today.
(11:56:15 AM) bellaskye42@gmail.com: okay, jesus
(11:56:16 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: turns out they want my fucking paperwork.
(11:56:23 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: in order to make me the appointment they said I could make today.
(11:56:29 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: so I can't make the appointment
(11:56:31 AM) bellaskye42@gmail.com: guh. fuck. which paperwork?
(11:57:07 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: and I need to get shit from the fucking medford office that someone said I could go to in the first place
(11:57:21 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: but it turns out they only deal with paperwork like this when a certain receptionist is in.
(11:57:25 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: and she's on vacation for the week.
(11:57:32 AM) bellaskye42@gmail.com: oh my god what a clusterfuck
(11:57:33 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: so I get to wait until monday to even begin dealing with this shit
(11:57:45 AM) bellaskye42@gmail.com: i'm sorry, i had no idea
(11:57:46 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: so you shut the fuck up about the pot and the kettle, because I have been dealing with this shit.
(11:57:51 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: and you haven't.
(11:58:04 AM) bellaskye42@gmail.com: i'm sorry
(11:58:12 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: *christ* I fucking hate it when drama.
(11:58:28 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: you two work your shit out. You stop needing a babysitter, he needs to stop needing a babysitter.
(11:59:21 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: you have problems. get them fixed.
(11:59:25 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: REALLY get them fixed.
(11:59:50 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: you say "I'm trying" and really you're not actually doing anything, you're just working up the energy to get shit done. which is still hard, and I respect that you're getting that energy together
(11:59:51 AM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: but dude
(12:00:00 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: you're a hell of a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for
(12:00:02 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: just get this shit done
(12:00:04 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: it's been years
(12:00:32 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: it is pretty much time to stop wimping out on being an adult, take care of yourself, leave him alone to get his shit taken care of
(12:00:38 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: real financial emergencies are a thing.
(12:00:41 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: I absolutely get that.
(12:00:56 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: if you've promised him some cash this month so he doesn't miss rent, that's respectable and I support it
(12:01:07 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: but you need to put yourself first the first opportunity you get.
(12:01:58 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: I sound like a royal cunt right now because that's the type of advice I give, because nobody else ever gives it. Buck the fuck up and be an adult because I know you can handle it.
(12:02:14 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: start putting yourself first. that's it.
(12:03:28 PM) bellaskye42@gmail.com: i've pulled too much bullshit to deserve to be first
(12:03:45 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: yeah, see, people redeem themselves from that in order to *stop pulling more bullshit*
(12:03:56 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: it is an *infinite loop* if you keep saying that
(12:04:24 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: I haven't told you to fuck right off permanently because I fucking know you're capable of leading a productive happy adult life and that he and I can probably help you get there
(12:04:29 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: if you shut the fuck up about having hurt us
(12:04:45 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: and just take the care when it comes and fucking grow up and stop feeling badly for mistakes you've made in the past.
(12:04:48 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: because yeah, past.
(12:04:50 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: shit already happened
(12:05:17 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: right now you keep saying "I'm such a fuckup" and that causes more bullshit than getting healthy would.
(12:05:33 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: Trust me on that one, because I do not feel like explaining this for a fourtieth time to you
(12:05:36 PM) horisustar@gmail.com/FBE205B2: I know you understand that.