On Tap

“You’d reckon a place like this’d be hustlin’ just a bit faster with our grub, considerin’ the lack of customers.” Philly grumbled, looking out past his booth at the dearth of patrons present. “How long we been waitin’? Half ‘n hour you’d say?”
“It don’t matter, Philly. Quit yer moanin’.” Sue replied, spinning his empty bottle of beer on the table below. After growing bored of playing with his trash, he placed the bottle alongside the six or seven others that had gathered on the wall-side of the table, the pile growing at a tremendous rate due as the two took turns ordering. Neither one cared much to flag a waitress to clean up the mess however. Philly was preoccupied with a litany of complaints about the lousy service while Sue...well, he was just being Sue. The mule was unusually quiet; well, unusual given his level of intoxication. The more beers he imbibed the more he was known to open up and let loose, but tonight he seemed much more like his sober self, reserved and disinterested.
Philly had caught on pretty quick that something was off. He’d always known Sue as a quiet kind of guy, but the only way he could manage to get the stubborn old mule to liven up was by getting a few drinks in him, and even tonight that didn’t seem to be working. Philly gave his beer another swig, swishing the remaining liquid around in its bottle a bit as he considered how best to strike up some conversation.
“Soooooo uh, how’s workin’ been?”
“It’s work.” Sue didn’t flinch, waving at the waitress who wordlessly placed another bottle in front of him.
“Ahh, I see. Y’all have any trouble up there? ‘S been a might chilly ‘n all.”
“Ain’t nothin’ new.”
“I see.” Philly let out a frustrated breath. “Y’know Sue, ya might think speaking in terse sentences makes ya seem mighty deep ‘n mysterious ‘n all that shit, but not havin’ nothing to say ain’t a proper substitute for havin’ a personality.”
Sue paused. His face wavered slightly, although Philly couldn’t tell if it was due to anger or guilt. Either way, something in his demeanor had changed ever so slightly.
“I’m sorry Philly.” He replied, snapping the cap off another bottle and giving it a few deep gulps.
“Ahh hell Sue, don’t be sorry! Just throw me a line here. I ain’t got much to work with ya know.” Philly tapped his fingers on the table, signalling to the waitress to bring him another brew. She was a middle aged, heavy-set bovine, her expression stuck somewhere between “Why am I working here?” and “Where else do I have to go?” She nodded and brought over another bottle. “Yous’ needs ta be watchin’ your intake. I’m nat gonna be draggin’ yer butts outa here when yas’ sloshed.” She muttered.
“I’ll be fine ma’am, yer best bet is watchin’ this one here.” Philly pointed at Sue. “He’s a pansy if I’ve ever seen one.”
“You’ll be seein’ pansies on yer casket if ya ain’t careful, Phillip.” Sue sneered.
“Ah ya see miss, ya done got ‘em all flustered.” Philly and the waitress shared a short laugh before she moved onto another table. The mood between the two had shifted slightly. A grumpy Sue was at least a talkative Sue, or so Philly assumed. “So what’s up yer ass?
Sue sniffed. “Nothin’.”
“You ain’t actin’ like nothin’.”
“And yer actin’ awful nosey.” Sue shot back. He realized his hostile tone and averted his eyes, now even more uncomfortable.
Philly sighed, giving Sue a quick pat on his forearm from across the table. “Forget I mentioned it. It ain’t worth gettin’ int-”
“My Ma called me.” Sue interrupted, nursing his beer before continuing. “Say’s Pa’s back again. Wants to see me.”
“Oh.” Philly sat there silently, waiting for Sue to continue but finding it pointless after a minute of awkward silence. “So yer uh...yer gonna see him or-”
“A snowball’s chance in hell I am!” Sue slammed his bottle back to the table. “He ain’t made time for me for thirty-six fuckin’ years, I ain’t makin’ time for him now.” He rested his forehead in his palm, folding his ears back as he let the anger inside him run its course. Philly sat there patiently, knowing it was best he wait it out. It didn’t take long for Sue to sit back up, raising his bottle and taking another gulp. “It ain’t even worth thinkin’ about.”
“Sue...your father ‘n all. You never exactly told me-”
“You ain’t need to know.”
“I know I don’t ‘neeeed’ to know, I want to know!”
“There ain’t nothin’ much to know either.” Sue gave his bottle a few last gulps, getting every last drop down his gullet before tossing the bottle into the pile. “Ma and Pa were two teenage Tennessee sweethearts who got a liking for one another, and in’a bout of hormonal rebellion they ran away ‘n headed up to West Virginia. Then once reality caught back up on ‘em he left.”
“I’m...I’m sorry to hear that, Sue.” Philly sat unmoving, not sure how best to continue as Sue gazed glassy-eyed into the distance, seeing a life he’d left long ago play out before him in excruciating detail. “Guess it’d explain yer accent, what with yer parent’s bein’ two mules from down south.”
“They ain’t mules. Pa’s a donkey and Ma’s a horse.” Sue corrected.
“So, a mule is half donkey ‘n half horse, right?”
“Seems all that schoolin’ learned ya good.” Sue replied dryly.
“Guess that explains yer half-handsome features then.” Philly brayed, stretching his arms out over either side of the seat as he laughed.
“Sure as hell explains yer all-ugly features.” Sue grinned, joining Philly as the two equines let out a series of boisterous laughs.
“Nah, nah really though, what all’s that entail, bein’ a mule ‘n all? You ain’t holding out no superpowers I don’t know about are ya?” Philly asked jokingly.
“Iffin’ you consider sterility a superpower, then I’d reckon I’m fit to go joinin’ them ‘ecks-men’ or whatnot.”
“Well I-” Philly paused to stifle his giggles, trying desperately not to crack as a huge, shit-eating grin spread across his face. “I reckon that might be for the best...I’d sure as shit hate to have you as my daddy.”
What might have been seen as a callus and mean spirited joke to any outsider was enough to make the duo burst out into unbridled fits of laughter. The two could hardly help themselves, now braying openly as was inherent in their species. The duo’s outburst only slowed when they saw their waitress approaching, holding a platter in either hand as she stopped before them. “Right, I gotta cheezer ‘n fries here for Philly.” Philly raised his hand slightly to signal her to place his cheesesteak in front of him. “Aaaaaand, I have here a fried haddock for a er...Sue.” The waitress looked to either equine, then back to her notepad. “Yous’ guys’ know where she is?”
“BWHA HAHAHAHAHA!” Philly buried his head in his arms as he hunched over the table, cackling like a hyena as Sue’s cheeks turned fire-hydrant red. “Y-You know it, hon!” Philly reached over the table and wrapped his arm around Sue, bringing the humiliated mule’s face to his. “T-This here’s ma sweetheart! Ain’t she a beaut?” To punctuate his point, Philly gave Sue’s muzzle a long, sloppy kiss, which Sue immediately pushed away from.
“Hell off’a me ya damned jackass!” Sue spat, wiping Philly’s slobber from his cheek. The waitress just rolled her eyes and sat Sue’s food down roughly, shaking her head as she left the two to finish their grub.
The duo made rather short work of their meals. In only minutes either ones’ plates were only adorned with a few stray crumbs and grease stains. They both sat limply against the booth’s seats, feeling the food and alcohol in their bellies begin to mingle. “That there...that’s a meal.” Philly sighed.
“Yer right on that.” Sue agreed, giving his stomach a pat. Despite the big meal, he could still feel some room in his gut, making itself apparent as the idea of dessert came to mind. “Say Philly.”
“Huh?” Philly sat back up.
“I reckon we both got room for one more beer. First to chug ‘er down wins. Whatdya say?”
“I’d say yer lookin’ for a wager.” Philly grinned.
“I win and yer buyin’ me funnel cake. You win and uh…”
“I’ll figure it afterwards, put yer money where yer mouth is, pretty boy.” Philly held up two fingers, letting the waitress know what they were after. Once she put the two bottles down, both equines took one and cracked them open, waiting for the fizz to die down before they began the countdown.
“On’a count a three.” Philly started, holding the bottle close to his lips as Sue followed suit. “THREE!”
The two threw back their bottles and began to chug, their gulps audible as either one set to work downing theirs first. Sue felt that his lead was apparent, seeing out of the corner of his eye that Philly wasn’t even halfway, even as Sue could see the last few gulps of liquid steadily approaching. What he wasn’t counting on however, was the sudden onset of unease, brought on by the rapid consumption of the last of many, many beers. The last few gulps were just within reach as he felt his coordination fail him.  He leaned uneasily to the side, feeling his bottle slip clumsily from his fingers as it bounced down underneath the table. Without thinking he dove down to grab his bottle, only realizing once he was down there that his efforts were quite pointless as Philly let out a prolonged “Ahhhhh.”
“I WIN!” Philly taunted above, letting his long, ropey tail begin to thump against his seat as he gloated. “Now just stay down there a second, I reckon I know what ma reward is.”
Sue looked on in confusion as Philly spread his legs, fiddling with his jeans for a moment before he finally got his button and fly undone. Despite the low clearance of the table he managed to finagle his briefs down past his manhood so that both his massive cock and swinging nuts could hang limply in front of Sue’s confounded face. “Philly, what’n the hell are you doin’?”
“Claimin’ ma prize! You lost, ‘n I’ve been holding six beers worth of piss in me since we first got here. I reckon you know what comes next.” Philly gently took hold of Sue’s hair, inching the mule’s muzzle closer and closer to the donkey’s cock as Sue attempted to stammer out an excuse.
“P-Philly I ain’t...I ain’t never said nothin’ ‘bout…” The closer he got the more he felt Philly’s musky, earthy aroma begin to penetrate his nostrils. The scent was pervasive, seeping deep into his core as he felt his own cock begin to stiffen. “Fine...but I ain’t gonna like it.”
“Now don’t you lie to me.” Philly teased, groaning as he felt Sue’s maw wrap around the head of his shaft. Sue let it lie there, mentally preparing himself for the onslaught that was about to come. Nothing could have prepared him as Philly’s bladder finally let loose, shooting a hose of hot, steamy donkey piss directly into Sue’s mouth. His cheeks puffed out comically as he tried his best to keep up with the heavy flow. Despite his best efforts, a lazy stream had begun to drip down his chin and onto his formally-white wifebeater. The rapid flow of liquid was seemingly unending, made even harder to bear due to the salty, musky flavor that had thoroughly coated Sue’s pallet. The scent of his piss was pungent enough to make the mule’s eyes water, along with making his dick throb and leak in time with his gulps.
Sue swallowed his pride (pun intended) and fished his cock out of his pants, letting it flop free as it steadily began to harden. Thanks to the vast quantities of alcohol he’d just consumed there was no way he was gonna reach full-mast, but Sue was more than happy enough at half chub to stroke his dick like a mule possessed. He could feel his belly begin to inflate comically, making his damp wifebeater retreat back to his chest as his waterlogged stomach began to bounce and jiggle with each gulp he took. Before long the weight of his stomach was enough to press his cock flat against the floor, along with leaving it lying in close proximity to Philly’s boot.
“Ahhhhhhh yeah, I needed that.” Philly sighed. The donkey’s face morphed into a devilish smile as he kicked off his boots. Since he wasn’t wearing socks the only thing left underneath were either on of his damp, musky feet, one of which he pressed rather firmly against Sue’s ballooning belly.
“Who left this waterbed down here, I wonder.” Philly teased, pressing his foot deeper and deeper into Sue’s distended belly as the mule groaned in both arousal and discomfort. “Maybe I aught’ta keep ya like this more often. These puppies could use’a nice place to rest.” Philly gently caressed Sue’s tummy, working his big toe around the ring of Sue’s sensitive belly button. He let his foot fall down further, delightfully surprised to feel a quite familiar appanage leaking desperately against the floor.
“Now what’s this?” Philly feigned ignorance as he gave Sue’s cock another jab with his foot. Philly’s stream had thankfully started to taper off, but thanks to his newly filled belly Sue could do nothing but sit there wearily while Philly’s cock began to harden in his maw. Philly started to run the sole of his foot alongside Sue’s shaft, being extra careful not to be too rough as his own member began to leak and throb inside of Sue’s drooling mouth. Much like Sue, Philly had no chance of reaching a full erection with all the beer he’d consumed, but even with a semi-chubbed cock he was more impressive than most men could even dream of with a full stiffy.
Sue had given up on preserving his dignity, especially with the heavenly feeling of Philly’s foot dancing gracefully along the length of his member. He did his best to work Philly’s cock as well, taking his floppy erection as deep as he could into his inexperienced mouth before letting it slide back to his lips with a cacophony of wet slurps. Neither one lasted long, with Sue popping first as he cock shot a healthy sized load across the tile floor, along with painting the bottom of Philly’s foot. Philly’s load had nowhere else to go but straight into Sue’s already stuffed belly, making the mule groan and sputter as the last of the donkey’s load shot out his nostrils and dripped lazily down to his chin. All in all it was a rather lackluster exchange, but to the two drunken fools panting and gasping on either side of the table it felt like heaven on earth.
Finally Sue let Philly’s cock pop free, falling back onto his butt as he gingerly rubbed his distended gut like an expecting mother. Every response he could think of clung to his tongue, the only responds he could manage to issue was a prolonged, wet belch that reeked of both donkey cum AND piss.
Philly ceased his panting, regaining his composure as he gave Sue’s belly one last pat with his cum-covered foot. “So,” he grinned, “you still want that funnel cake?”